


The Sting of Summer's Winter

by GhostofWintersPast



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Elsanna Week, F/F, Incest, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-02-28 04:32:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 200,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13263753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostofWintersPast/pseuds/GhostofWintersPast
Summary: Power. Grace. Duty. Success. As heir to a powerful multinational conglomerate, Elsa was groomed to embody all of these qualities and more. But a lifetime spent in the pursuit of perfection couldn't prepare her for the love she would have to conceal from the one person whom she has sought to protect from all those who would threaten her happiness... Anna. Her sister.





	1. The Sweet Terror of Winter

"Elsa! Pssst—Elsa! Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Elsa swatted absently at her sister. "Anna… it's too early… go back to sleep…"

Anna, even at the ripe age of eleven, would not take no for an answer. "But the sky’s awake! So I’m awake, and we have to _play_!" She flopped atop her older sister, hoping that her weight would be enough to wake the older girl.

“Go play by yourself,” Elsa muttered, nudging her assailant.

Anna threw open the curtains with the intention of annoying her sister awake, but gasped at the sight that greeted her. She clambered back onto the bed, and pried open one of Elsa’s eyes with a sly invitation. “Do you wanna build a snowman?’

She laughed gleefully when thirteen-year-old Elsa's eyes shot open and she immediately sat upright. Pushing aside the curtain fully, she peered through frost-stained glass. Indeed, the gardens were covered in a sheet of thick, white powder. The sun was just beginning to creep over the horizon, its rays shining on the fresh snow, turning them from ice to glittering diamond. Excitedly, she turned to look at her rambunctious sister, who was already carelessly pulling on her rubber boots, ready to bolt out the door and inflict herself upon the picturesque perfection.

Elsa was ready to join her when logic resurfaced through the cloud of excitement that was sending a pleasant buzz throughout her entire body. Snow meant reading to Anna by the fireplace. Snow meant cold hands wrapped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Snow meant _Olaf_. "Anna, wait! Put on warmer clothes!"

In one quick motion, she hopped off the bed and had Anna swathed in the warmest clothes she could find. "Let's go, let's go!" The fiery redhead was jumping all over the place, barely able to contain her elation and tugged her sister toward the door with the strength of ten horses, not that Elsa minded. Despite usually having the more composed demeanor of the two, she was just as eager to get outside, if not more.

The two sisters exploded through the front door of the Arendelle Manor, without a second thought, raced to throw themselves into the snow, reveling in the rare treat. It did snow often in Vancouver, but it only rarely did pile higher than their knees, and they both knew that the occasion would be fleeting, swept away by rain and responsibilities.

"I'm going to make a snow angel!" Anna declared, flailing her arms, throwing fistfuls of ice everywhere.

"Let's see how well you do that… when I do this!" Elsa collected a fistful of snow, hurling it at her sister with playful precision.

Anna clumsily rolled out of the boundary of her snow angel to dodge her older sister's assault, giggling uncontrollably. "Missed me!"

"But I ruined your snow angel," Elsa teased, looking smug.

Anna immediately swung to her feet, despite the thick snow around her knees. Her snow angel was more of a snow square and she giggled again. "It looks like a snowman rolled through my snow angel!"

Elsa laughed with her sister. "Snowman?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" Anna squeaked.

Together they rolled two large snowballs, and stacked them. Due to their impatience and tendency to get sidetracked by throwing fistfuls of whatever they could grab at each other, the snow 'balls' ended up more like snow 'squares'. Well, this was not unusual for them, anyway. Elsa formed the signature oblong shaped head and triumphantly stacked it above the other two. Somehow, Anna managed to produce two sticks for arms. "Hi, I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs!" She sang, in the goofiest voice she could muster.

"I love you, Olaf!" Anna sprinted over and hugged the snowman, almost knocking it over. Elsa smiled at her. The little redhead's eyes lit up with an idea. "Oooh, let's see if the pond is frozen!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down in her excitement.

"Race you there!" Her older sister responded, grinning from ear to ear.

Running toward the pond near their house at full speed, the two girls stopped when they reached the pond.

"Ooooooooh…" They breathed in unison. The pond was frozen over, reflecting the yellow rays of the rising morning sun, the thin sheet of solid water looking more like crystal than ice.

Impulsively, Anna scrambled onto the surface of the pond, screaming, "This is so cool! It's like magic!"

Excitement turned into terror in an instant as soon as Elsa remembered that her sister had never skated on ice before, and she reached out a hand to grab her. Her hand whiffed cold air however, as Anna was already sliding herself toward the middle of the pond. "Anna, wait!"

But the mischievous redhead, in her glee, paid no heed to the call of her older sister. Mezmerized by the beauty of the ice, something she had never experienced before, she stood up and jumped excitedly. "Elsa, come on, come—"

Her last words were stolen from her as the watery glass beneath her cracked and sucked her below.

Elsa's eyes widened in alarm. "Anna! No!" Devoid of all playfulness now, she got down on all fours, spreading her weight, and crawled to the cracked ice her sister fell through. Luckily, the pond was shallow, so she could reach Anna's hand.

"E-Elsa… h-h-h-help…" Anna stuttered through chattering teeth.

Desperation fraying all of her nerves, Elsa yanked on her sister's arm with all her might, but with the added weight of the ice water soaking through Anna's puffy winter jacket, she couldn't pull the younger girl out of the freezing abyss. Terror consumed her, colder than the ice she laid on, because she wasn’t strong enough.

"H-help…" Were Anna's last words as she sank into unconsciousness.

Elsa screamed, "No!  _Anna_!... MOM! SOMEONE!  _HELP_!  _PLEASE, SOMEONE_!"

Their mother was already running toward them, eyes wide with fury and panic, a stark contrast to her usual nonchalant features. She too crawled toward the middle of the pond next to her eldest daughter and pulled her youngest out of the freezing water.

"Elsa, hurry, run into the house and call 911!"

Without having to be told twice, Elsa bolted.

* * *

 

The sting of disinfectant burning her nose and the ringing of phones echoing through her skull, Elsa hugged herself as she sat in the waiting area of the ER, tears stinging her eyes and staining her cheeks. If only she had been more careful. If only she had warned Anna earlier. If only she had not been so impulsively blinded by the prospect of fun that she agreed to visit the pond. This was all her fault. She’d overheard the doctors talking about how Anna almost died from hypothermia, and it was all her fault.

Her mother acknowledged the EMT who was explaining the situation and turned to face her. Without warning, Elsa felt a cold hand slap her across her right cheek.

"What were you thinking, Elsa?! Were you trying to kill your sister?" Her mother yelled, the only time Elsa had seen any emotion on her face. "Your sister might not have known, but you did. You knew how dangerous ice is. I've explained it to you all before, haven't I? How dare you put your sister in danger like this! How  _dare_  you!"

Fresh tears broke free from the blonde girl's eyes as she was crushed under the weight of accusation and the memory of her father. "I'm s-sorry, Mom. It was an accident. I won't… I won't ever do it again."  _Sorry?_ A voice in her head spat, and it sounded suspiciously like her father.  _You think_ sorry _is enough to make up for what you almost did to Anna?_ Her sister almost _died_ , and all she could compensate for it was ‘sorry’?

As if she was having the exact same thoughts, her mother turned around, with her back to her daughter.

Before either of them could say anything else, a stretcher with an unconscious Anna on it erupted from the emergency room. Elsa immediately sprang to her feet, her eyes following her sister's prone body as it disappeared down the white halls of the hospital. One of the nurses wheeling the stretcher stopped and promptly reported, "We managed to warm her back to normal body temperature, but she may develop a fever, which is one of the body's natural responses to hypothermia. She'll need to stay here for a couple nights, just until we're sure there's no permanent damage."

"Will she be okay?" Elsa squeaked.

"She should be fine." The nurse smiled. "It's good that you were able to keep her head above the water. Otherwise the damage may have been worse."

"Thank you for your help," Elsa's mother interrupted. She didn't turn to look at her daughter before following the nurse to fill out paperwork.

"I'm sorry, Anna." Elsa murmured as she held her unconscious sister's hand, brushing the young girl's ginger hair with the other. "I'm so, so sorry. I'll protect you better from now on. I swear." She pressed a kiss to Anna's forehead, a silent plea of forgiveness.

"Elsa, dear? I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over. You can come back tomorrow, okay?" One of the nurses rubbed Elsa's shoulder comfortingly as she guided the young girl to her mother.

The car ride home was quiet. Neither Elsa nor her mother felt the need to interrupt the silence with unwelcome chatter.

Anna stood outside her sister's room, thoughtfully eyeing the door. Knocked on it. Once, twice. Three times. "Elsa? It's snowing outside." No response. "Do you… do you wanna build a snowman?" The question was like their secret code. No one said no to building a snowman. Ever. Whenever she asked her sister, or her sister asked her, the answer was always an excited squeal of yes. Until now.

"Go away, Anna. I'm studying."

"Yeah, right. It's winter break. Who studies during winter break? Come on, let's  _play_. I never see you anymore. And it's the first time it's snowed for two years… Elsa, come  _on_."

"Anna, don't bother your sister. You have other friends." Came the cold response of her mother from the grand foyer of the house.

Anna never really understood why her mother bore so much animosity toward her sister. Why she was always discouraged from even talking to Elsa. And her sister was perfect. Perfect grades, perfect manners, even perfect speech. She never stammered through her words like Anna did. She was never caught off guard. Never once has Anna seen a crack in her impeccable demeanor. At least, that was the way it was since her incident with the pond two winters ago. Even before that, before their father died, Elsa was always the face of perfection. Anna had never seen Elsa embody anything less than flawless when they were in front of their parents. Especially after the incident where Anna fell through the ice, Elsa was more distant than ever.

How was she going to break through the wall of perfection that Elsa had built up between them? There was no way that her older sister wanted this. To be separated. To be alone. But something (or some _one_ ) was forcing her perfect, platinum blonde sister to be this way.

She was going to have to devise a plan that would force her sister out of her shell. Something that Elsa  _couldn't_  resist. Then it clicked. Of course!

Grinning slyly to herself, Anna ran to the kitchen. There, she fixed two steaming mugs of rich, aromatic hot chocolate. The mere smell of it made Anna's mouth water. There was no way her sister is going to say no to chocolate.

Knocking on Elsa's door again, Anna cleared her throat. In her best British accent, she announced steadily, "Dear lady Elsa, the best chocolate from Belgium is right outside your door, in rich, hot, liquid-y form."

"Okay, who is that doing the  _horrible_  British accent impersonation?" Came the teasing voice that Anna missed so much.

The door opened. Anna grinned triumphantly at her sister, "Ex _cuse_ you! That was my best impression of a butler."

Elsa shook her head and rolled her eyes playfully, "How do we even in the same family?”

"Oh, you know you love me. Let me in already! I have an offering to shrine Elsa that I knew you couldn't resist!"

Elsa looked around the hall, presumably for signs of their mother. When she found none, she beckoned to Anna, "Okay, okay, feisty-pants. Come in already."

It had been so long since she’d last seen the inside of Elsa’s room that it was like exploring a whole new part of the house. At least, for once, this room wasn’t empty.

Eyeing her sister's desk, which was littered with drawings of ice sculptures and snowflake patterns, Anna laughed. "You liar! You weren't actually studying, were you? I knew it! 'I'm studying,'" she teased, sticking out her tongue, "Who studies during the winter holidays? Not that you're, you know, a nerd, but still!"

Elsa was smiling wryly at her, warmth and something resembling longing in her glacial blue eyes. "A nerd?"

Anna pouted and unceremoniously plopped herself down on Elsa’s bed. "It's the perfect description for you!"

A sudden silence descended upon the two girls as they sipped their hot chocolate at, coincidentally, the same time. Looking up from their mugs, they caught each other's surprised glances and burst out laughing.

* * *

Elsa had almost forgotten how easy it was to be with Anna. How her presence in the room was like an oasis in the desert of perfection that she had forced herself to tread through every day. How laughing with Anna was as natural as breathing.

Almost like magic.

But she knew as blissful as this was, it would have to end. Still shouldering the blame that her parents had stacked upon her, she couldn't shake the feeling that whenever Anna got too close to her, she would get hurt. It hadn’t always been the case before the incident with the pond, but the notion was making itself more and more prevalent each time they spent time together.

A few months after school started, they took a field trip to a skating rink. Elsa was holding onto Anna as the redhead was taking her first few steps gliding on the ice, when balance left her and she cracked her head on the railing. She’d needed stitches.

In the summer, when the sisters were fighting over who gets the first sip of an exotic drink they'd ordered at a fancy restaurant, they knocked the glass into the table and it shattered, one of the pieces cutting Anna's hand.

By then, Elsa was convinced that she was cursed. If only she'd been more careful, she always told herself, when the aftermath of the accidents unfolded around her. It was always her carelessness. Her fault.

So when Elsa graduated from elementary and moved on to high school, she told herself that she should distance herself from Anna, to prevent her beloved sister from being hurt by her carelessness time and time again. In fact, in distancing herself from Anna, she also broke off friendships with her other friends, convincing herself that if she can't be friends with Anna, her own sister, why did she deserve to have friends at all?

And so she started her self-imposed journey of solitude. And it was going okay. Until now.

Maybe it was the snow that reminded her of all the fun she had had with Anna in their childhood. Maybe it was the sting in her heart that came from the realization that Anna had remembered what her favorite food was, despite being so abandoned and ignored by her. Maybe it was the suffocating loneliness that made her want so much the closeness she had shared with her sister before.

So lost in her despair, she almost missed Anna's next words.

"So, I'm gonna be going to high school next year, and maybe we could have lunch together like we did before? And laugh at teachers behind their back, and make fun of the really mean ones. I always loved how you’d draw doodles of them in my notebook."

Oh no. No. Anna couldn't be seen with her at school. She was a freak now; the girl who took classes two grades above her age. The girl who had straight A's and no friends, the freakshow who never said a word. She remembered that her mother had asked in passing if she’d have preferred to be homeschooled, and she was quickly reconsidering her answer now.

No, that would make Anna a target for the merciless bullies, the audible whispers that stung like knives, the glares of prejudice and discrimination. Such a kind soul would never survive the hellish torture that she was subject to almost everyday at that purgatory.

If no one knew Anna was her sister, if no one knew of their familial connection, Anna could easily have a wonderful high school experience. Anna always made new friends effortlessly, peers and teachers alike. But if anyone ever got wind of Elsa being Anna's older sister…

She ground her teeth together.

No. The mere thought of her kind, innocent sister being bullied caused a burning ire that threatened to—

She would exercise the privilege that her name wrought. The way her father had shown her, by example, how to deal with those who disrespected them. Even if it meant turning into him.

Anna must have seen the anger on her sister's face because her next words were pleading, apologetic, "Elsa? What's wrong? I'm sorry, I mean, I understand if you don't want to, 'cuz you're so perfect, you know. I mean who would want to be seen with a girl who barely scrapes a B plus and stumbles over her own words and is so awkward, right? Sorry I suggested something so stupid."

Every single iteration of the word ‘no’ resounded in a thundering protest at the forefront of Elsa’s mind. There was so much she wanted to say, so many apologies and dialectics flooding to thoroughly refute every single sentiment Anna had just expressed that they lodged at the back of her throat like a quagmire. She stumbled to form words. "No, no. You don't have to apologize. This is not your fault. I just… It's just…"

She set down her mug resolutely.

"That's not a good idea. I think you should leave. Now." Before Anna could protest, Elsa shoved her out the door, slammed it shut, and locked it, but not before catching a glimpse of her little sister's heartbroken face. Her vision blurred as she turned around and leaned against the door. Sinking to her knees, she finally let loose the tears she had been holding back, and her thoughts bombarded her again.

That night, Anna lay wide awake in bed, trying to make sense of what happened between her and Elsa. She cursed herself, having messed up such a precious chance to spend time with her sister. She had to ruin it by impulsively blurting out stupid suggestions. The look on Elsa's face when she had shoved her out of the room sent chills down Anna's spine. It was a look of pure loathing. Did Elsa hate her that much? Did her sister blame her for the consequences of all the stupid, careless things she did? Like jumping on thin ice. That was her first act of ingenuity. And almost pulling Elsa down with her when she’d lost her footing at the skating rink. Not considering the table when she was fighting with her sister over the first sip of some stupid coconut drink, and carelessly pushing the glass into it. She was grateful that Elsa wasn't physically hurt by any of her carelessness, but she had always heard their mother berating Elsa, when it was  _her_  own fault.

She was sure her older sister resented her, and she deserved it, for the times that their mother blamed her for incidents that she shouldn't have been faulted with. Now Elsa didn't even want to be seen with her in public. Elsa would probably be the laughingstock of her school if anyone found out she had such a stupid klutz for a sister.

 _I'm sorry, Elsa,_  were Anna's last thoughts as she finally let fatigue claim her.

 


	2. Breaking

Elsa crept through the long-deserted hallways of the mansion that bore no semblance of a home, her feet silently tapping against the cold marble with every step. When she reached her sister's door, she sat down, leaned against it, and wrapped the blanket that she brought around herself. The mansion was dark and the only light came from the midnight moon through the skylights.

When Anna was younger, they would sleep in the same bed, because Anna had an overactive imagination, causing night terrors that didn't wake her but left her shuddering and crying. Elsa found that the only way to calm down her terrified sister was just to hold her hand and whisper sweet things in her ear about candy and chocolate and snow.

She smiled at the memory of how she used to sing to Anna when the latter couldn't sleep.

But they couldn't be like that anymore. The guilt from their recent argument (not even, just Elsa being an ass) still fresh in her mind, Elsa sighed and closed her eyes, hugging her knees under the blanket.

Her secret trips to her sister's room in the night were always fueled by the guilt and responsibility that always resulted when she vehemently ignored her sister's pleas.

The pain was especially bad tonight.

It wasn't long until she heard whimpering from the other side of the door. With her usual care and caution, Elsa slowly creaked open Anna's door. Her sister was tossing and turning about again, tears pooling in the crook of her nose and staining her auburn hair.

The nightmare was especially bad tonight too, it seemed.

Catching one of Anna's hands as the younger girl flailed about, Elsa trailed her other hand gently down the side of Anna's face with practiced ease. "Shh… Anna. It's okay. I'm here." Almost immediately, Anna's tossing died down.

Elsa leaned down toward her sister's ear. "You're safe. I will always protect you." Slowly, the whimpering stopped too.

Tentatively brushing her lips against her baby sister's forehead, she murmured, "I love you, sis."

The fear on Anna's sleeping face was replaced with a lazy smile. Her job was done, for tonight, but she decided to let herself stay a few minutes longer. Nights were liberating; under the guise of darkness, she could be finally be honest with herself. And since her sister slept like a rock for most of the night, she could be honest with Anna, too.

"Sorry about earlier," she murmured, pulling the comforter over Anna's shoulders. "You'd think since I'm supposed to be the older one, I'd be more responsible about not letting you misunderstand my words. You're not stupid, you're not dumb, and anyone who says otherwise can fight me and lose. It can't be easy being my sister since people always seem to be comparing you to me, but to me, you're perfect."

Elsa felt herself smile before letting go of Anna's hand and silently stepping outside the door in the same manner she had entered.

* * *

Time had passed all too fast, Elsa thought, as she watched her mother and sister drive away, once again leaving her alone in this empty, desolate 'home'. Anna's elementary graduation was today, and as much as she wanted to go, this was one of the easier things to refuse.

In September, Anna would be attending the same high school as Elsa. Dread pooled in her stomach as she thought about the consequences of allowing anyone to know of their familial relationship. Luckily, she and Anna looked nothing alike, save for the marginal difference in the shade of blue in their eyes, so, she prayed, as long as she kept her distance, no one would even begin suspect that they were siblings.

She knew, however, that Anna had different goals in mind. She knew Anna desperately wanted to connect with her again, to laugh about teachers and make fun of stupid homework assignments, as they had before.

She couldn't tell Anna how she was being treated at school either. How could she tell of such horrible ordeals to a girl who cried over other people's pain like it was her own?

How many times she had wished she was born into a normal family, one with a loving mother and father, a house that was radiated comfort, and with no bloodline responsibilities. One that wasn't so conceited that it needed a mansion with sixteen bedrooms for three people. One that didn't require perfection and a fitting heir. But she had to be born into the house of Arendelle, to be the heir to Arendelle Corporation, the company that her father left her for when she came of age.

Her father. The thought of him brought a scornful scowl to her features. The one that insisted that she fill any and all of her free time bettering herself, in order to become an heir fit for the seat of CEO one day. The one who taught her emotions only got in the way of business deals, to conceal, and don't feel. To not let her weakness show.

The one who showed her that pain meant weakness, and feelings meant pain.

How she hated him.

* * *

September

The bell rang as Elsa packed up her notes and textbook, preparing to leave the classroom of her AP English class. She could already feel the insults coming on.

"Hey! Blondie! Don't think you can be so conceited as to think you're as good as us seniors!"

"Who does she think she is? No wonder everyone hates her! She's socially inept!"

"She probably slept with the teachers for good grades!"

"What a slut!"

Maybe she should have reconsidered her mother's offer for homeschooling. But that meant more time spent shut inside the mansion, and to be here was at least the better alternative. At least her father's study wasn't in the same building, gnawing at her like an itch that couldn't be scratched.

Elsa calmly walked out of the classroom, shutting out all the other voices like always. She's heard the jibes and insults so many times that they hardly bothered her anymore. The less she replied, the less they knew about her, the less they could insult. That was a harsh truth that she learned from her first year at this school. If you didn't belong to a clique, you were automatically ostracized. An outsider.

The fact that this was a private school designed for heirs of wealthy families only exasperated the situation. Children of powerful families often did not fear repercussions from teachers or other authority figures. If only they knew, Elsa thought darkly, how much ruin her family could bring to them, at the drop of a hat. She wouldn't do that, she told herself. Because that was what her father would have done. She'd even secretly requested to be registered under an anonymous last name. She sensed her classmates would have scrambled to leave her alone if they'd known who she really was.

One thing she was concerned about, though, was how Anna was getting along. Did anyone suspect that they were related? Did she make any new friends? What clubs did she join?

The questions were annoying her so she decided to take a peek inside the arts room. Months of shutting Anna out had not stopped the younger from having conversations with herself outside Elsa's door, telling her sister about random things, things she learned, things she did. To be honest, Elsa enjoyed listening to them.

And so she knew that Anna spent lunch inside the arts room. Peeking inside, she caught a glance of her sister's amber hair amidst a group of junior girls that she didn't recognize. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Elsa turned to leave, when she heard, "Elsa?!"

_Shit._  She cursed herself for her curiosity.

Walking as fast as she could down the hall, she hoped to reach the corner before her sister made it out of the arts room. Of course that didn't happen. Anna was athletic, a star soccer player since childhood. She caught up with the older girl in seconds.

"Elsa, wait!" Anna grabbed her arm.

Alarmed, Elsa turned and self-consciously looked around. Already they were starting to attract an audience. Meeting Anna's curious gaze, Elsa pleaded with her eyes.  _Please,_ she was tempted to say _. Just let me go. Don't say anything._

But if Anna was Anna, there was no way she wouldn't grab hold of this chance to talk with her older sister.

"What's this? It's so rare to see you out and about, slut. Looking for someone to fuck?" someone she recognized from her AP Calc class jeered from across the hall.

Anna, who also heard the insulting jibe about her sister, whirled to face the threat. Her retort, however, was interrupted by Elsa violently, albeit unwillingly, wrenching her arm out of her grasp.

Elsa's mind was racing in anger and panic as she frantically considered all the potential consequences of her next actions. No one could know they were related.

No one could know.

She could only see one way out.

Before Anna could respond, Elsa glared down at her.

Her jaw clenched. It took all of Elsa's self-control to not choke on her next words. "Who are you? Don't touch me with your dirty hands."

She walked away, not looking over her shoulder, knowing that if she let herself see the utterly crushed expression she imagined Anna had, she wouldn't be able to tear herself away.

The crowd was already dissipating. Just another poor freshman that the Ice Queen alienated, they thought. So she hoped.

Elsa heard the sound of  _breaking_. Squeezing her eyes shut as she escaped, she tried to convince herself that it only came from her own heart, not Anna's.


	3. Just Someone

Elsa skipped the rest of her classes for that day. Her eyes watered and her heart cried out despite her efforts to convince herself that what she did was for the best. As soon as she was clear of the school, she let out a quiet cry, followed by a deluge of tears. It seemed no matter how hard she tried, she would always end up hurting her sister. If she acknowledged her, Anna would also be a victim of the vicious bullying that she'd had to deal with for a year. Even with the consequences laid out in front of her, she was unable to quench the yearning and desire to hold her sister. Somewhere deep down, she wanted to disregard the consequences and just be with Anna. But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't.

Anna probably hated her now. The thought hurt, choking her like a vice around her chest, but it would pass. At least, she hoped.

It was for the best, anyway.

Wasn't it?

Wiping her swollen eyes with the back of her hand, she stepped on the bus that just pulled over in front of her, silently paying for her ticket and finding a seat. She opted to take the bus to and from school every day, leaving before Anna and getting home later, not missing a single chance to distance herself. Their mother would have assigned a driver for her, but Elsa refused.

Her mother's car was not in the driveway when she got home. Probably off meeting with business associates again. The woman was never around for them, save for driving Anna to and from school. Too busy with running the company alone. Elsa used to wish that their mother would keep Anna company, since she couldn't. She wished that their mother could be an actual mother to her sister, taking her out on shopping trips, to the amusement park, to the aquarium. Braiding her hair. Elsa wanted to do all those things with Anna, her urges so strong sometimes that there was literally a magnetic pull toward the door whenever Anna knocked.

Elsa threw herself onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow, trying again to convince herself what she did was the best thing she could have done for Anna.

_So why did it hurt so damn much?_

* * *

When she heard the car pulling into the driveway, Elsa immediately got up and pressed her ear to the door, desperate to know how Anna was.

She heard their mother. "I'm going to be in my office; if you need anything, just come find me."

A small voice answered. "Okay."

Elsa's heart sped up as she heard her sister's footsteps get louder and she ascended the stairs. Her heart stopped at the same time they stopped in front of her door.

_Please,_ she sent a silent prayer to whichever god was listening, eyes stinging. She didn't know if she could take it if Anna knocked again.

For the first time, her silent pleas were answered. Anna's footsteps continued down the hall.

Letting out the breath she didn't know she was holding, her heart sank. No matter how much she pushed Anna away before, the younger girl would always bounce back, knocking on her door and trying to coax her out of her room. The lack of it this time emphasized the extent to which Elsa had broken her heart. The silence cut through her like a knife.

It was for the best, she tried to convince herself. Anna was safe. From her.

A sudden knock on her door made her jump. She hadn't noticed the second set of footsteps that came from the same direction that her sister retreated to.

Opening the door, she realized it was Gerda, one of the caretakers that cleaned the house and served their meals. Gerda had known them since they were children, being one of the only people the sisters were comfortable with telling secrets to. She baked them cookies in secret when their mother forbade it. She used to sneak them picture books and snacks when they were studying.

"Did something happen at school, honey?"

"... No. Of course not. Why would you ask?"

"I just passed by your sister's room, and I think I heard her crying."

Elsa didn't have a response to that.

Gerda tried again, "Please, dear. I tried knocking on her door, and she didn't even respond. You know that's unlike her."

Elsa looked at Gerda apologetically. Concern and worry were pure in her weary eyes.

"I... I did something really mean to her," she confessed.

"Then you should talk to her. I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose, sweetheart. Your sister will still love you."

"But I did do it on purpose. She was annoying me, so I said really mean things on purpose to make her go away."

"Oh, Elsa. Lie to yourself if you want, but you're the only one you're fooling. Well, yourself and your poor sister who hangs on every word you say. I know you, Elsa, and you would never hurt your sister for no good reason."

"How do you know? I'm a horrible person who only cares about herself."

Gerda only chuckled, "Don't think I haven't noticed you camping outside your sister's door at night in case she has a nightmare, dear." Noting the girl's embarrassment, Gerda went on, "I think it's very sweet of you."

Elsa bit her lip and flushed. "You can't tell her."

"If you wish. But in return, I'd like to ask that you talk to your sister." When Elsa was still reluctant, she added, "I don't know why you think shutting her out of your life is good for her, but it's only resulted in loneliness for you.  _Both_  of you."

Sighing in resignation, Elsa nodded, "I'll try."

Muttering a thank you to Gerda, she ran down the hall to Anna's room. She leaned against the door and cupped her ear. And heard soft sobbing and sniffling.

If it were even possible, Elsa felt heartbreak fresh in her chest.

_Deep breath._ Elsa knocked on the door. Mustering all her courage, she whispered into the door, "Anna."

The sniffling paused.

"Anna, can we talk?"

She was unprepared for her sister's response.

"Oh, now you want to talk, Elsa? You don't want to go back to pretending you don't know me and that I'm a dirty freshman? That seemed to be easiest for you."

Elsa heard the sobs again. "Look... I didn't mean—I just...—you don't..."

"It's complicated," was all she could manage.

"What could be complicated about the fact that I'm such a failure that you don't want to be seen with me in public? Just say it! Just say it so I can stop hoping that I'm wrong, and so you can stop pretending that you still care about me."

"How can you say that? How can you think that I'm only  _pretending_  I care about you?"

"You know what? Leave me alone. We both know that it comes as naturally as breathing for you."

"I—" she was interrupted by the blaring of loud music from the speakers of Anna's computer. "Dammit, Anna! Listen to me!"

The music continued, its volume drowning out her words.

"Fine." Elsa turned and stormed back to her room.

She wasn't angry with Anna; she had no right to be, after what she did. But Anna didn't deserve this. She deserved a sister who loved her and wasn't afraid to be with her. A sister who could snuggle with her on cold days and share secrets with her. A sister who could share the loneliness of losing their father and block out the emptiness of their mother.

Suddenly, Elsa had an idea. She went to find Gerda, who was folding laundry in the mud room.

Gerda looked up as Elsa approached her. "Yes, dear? Is everything alright? Is she okay?"

"No, she wouldn't talk to me. But that's my fault. And that's not why I'm here. I have a favour to ask. Do you think you could get me Anna's email address somehow?"

"Her email? But why?"

Elsa shook her head, unwilling to elaborate, "Please, can you do that?"

The older lady nodded, "I'll see what I can do, dear. I assume you don't want her to know it's you who wants it."

"Yes. Thank you. I'll be in my room."

* * *

A light knock on her door broke Elsa's concentration of the essay she'd been writing. Opening the door, she saw Gerda, offering her a scrap piece of paper.

"Thank you, Gerda! How did you do it?"

"The gods must have a rare sense of humour, dear. I found it in the pocket of a pair of jeans that was in your sister's dirty laundry. Is this the right one?"

"We'll see. Thank you so much, Gerda."

"I'll leave you to it, then," giving Elsa a wrinkly-eyed smile, Gerda left.

One day, when Anna was outside her door, she'd told her of a new computer program she'd been using. Skype. Anna had said it took the email addresses of everyone and let you talk to them, face to face, through voice chat, or instant messaging. Anna had been so adorable when she was excitedly talking about it, and Elsa couldn't help but smile at the memory. Her little sister had spent the day telling Elsa about all the things you could do on Skype, the funny emoticons, and how it alleviated the loneliness.

Elsa opened the official webpage for Skype. Scanning the registration page, she entered all her personal information, including the email that she'd made exclusively for this purpose. The email address she used for school would have given her away immediately. At the bottom, it asked for a username. Furrowing her brows, she entered, 'Frozen Storm', and downloaded the program.

She opened it, logged in, and prepared to add her first contact. She looked at the scrap piece of paper that Gerda had given her.  _princess_snowflake_. How adorable! She'd often called Anna 'snowflake' when they played in the snow and built snowmen so many years ago, because each one had its own unique pattern and story. Smiling to herself, she typed it into the search box. Almost immediately, she found Anna. Her Skype name was 'Snowflake', and Elsa smiled again, sending the contact request.

A couple of minutes later, a message popped up.

_Snowflake_ :  _hi_

_Frozen Storm: Hey._

_Snowflake: do i kno u?_

Oops. Elsa hadn't thought of this. How does she get Anna to talk to her without telling her who she was?

_Frozen Storm: Yes._

_Snowflake: soooooo... who are u?_

She tried to think of a response that wouldn't be creepy.

_Frozen Storm: Just someone._

_Snowflake: ;o do i have to guess?_

_Frozen Storm: I'd rather you didn't._

_Snowflake: are u my secret admirer or smth haha_

_Frozen Storm: I've just always wanted to be friends with you._

_Snowflake: oooo do u go to AH?_

_Frozen Storm: Yes. ;)_

_Snowflake: hmmmm... guy or girl?_

_Frozen Storm: Girl. Stop trying to guess!_

_Snowflake: haha sry, u seem so mysterious. y dont u talk to me irl? im sure we could be good frds_

_Frozen Storm: I'm a little scared of being close to people in real life. Sorry._

Not people, Elsa thought. Just you.

_Snowflake: thats ok! u dont need to say sry we can talk here ;)_

_Frozen Storm: So what are you doing?_

_Snowflake: nothing right now. just had a fight with my sis =/_

_Frozen Storm: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?_

_Snowflake: well i saw her at lunch and i wanted to talk to her but i guess she really hates me and i pissed her off or something so she pretended to not kno who i was haha its stupid_

Elsa stared sullenly at the screen, her stomach twisting as she thought about what had transcended at lunch.

_Snowflake:_   _then when i got home she tried to talk to me but she obviously didnt even want to_

Elsa narrowed her eyes. Did she really come off as not wanting to talk to Anna? Did Anna have any idea just how  _much_ Elsa wanted to talk to her? How much she wanted to actually be a proper older sister?

_Frozen Storm: I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Maybe she just has some problems that she doesn't want to involve you in._

_Snowflake: how do u kno? do u have a sis? ;o_

_Frozen Storm: Yes, I do. And I love her very much. So there's no way your sister hates you. If she didn't want to talk to you, she wouldn't have tried talking to you, right?_

_Snowflake: i guess thats true. well thx that made me feel better ;)_

Gerda chose that moment to call the sisters down for dinner.

_Snowflake: hey i got dinner so i'll ttyl ok?_

_Frozen Storm: Okay, no problem. See you later ;)_

Smiling for the nth time today, Elsa closed her laptop.


	4. Headache

Dinner was quiet, as usual. Only the sound of silver forks and knives hitting porcelain plates could be heard. Elsa, Anna and their mother were seated at an ridiculously, almost comically, long dining table, with the distances between them so far apart they would have to shout to be able to hear anything. Maybe that was the point. After all, the dining table is a place for dining, not talking, as their father was concerned. Elsa stared wistfully at the bread basket in front of her, trying to remember the last time they'd had a proper conversation at this godforsaken table.

_It was the last year of elementary for Elsa, and they were 'celebrating' her graduation. If celebrating meant wordlessly eating cake for dessert and having a balloon in each corner of the grandiose dining room, which should be renamed a dining stadium. A perfunctory mutter of congratulations slowly diffused across the table from their mother to Elsa. Anna on the other hand, could always be counted on to bring life to the lifeless._

" _Congrats sis! I can't believe you'll be in high school next year! I mean, you'll be so old! Not that, you know, I'm saying you're old, but old_ er _. Are you excited? New experiences are on the horizon! But I'm still going to bug you about homework and stuff, even if you don't go to the same school anymore you'll still help me, right?"_

" _Anna, stop that babbling right now. You know you have a tutor for that; you don't need to waste your sister's time with your unnecessary questions. After all, Elsa has much more important work to do."_

 _Elsa eyed the crestfallen face of her sister, who was on the verge of tears, and turned to glare at their mother. Why did this woman feel the need to literally_ kill  _all the happiness in this household? Elsa bit her lip, wanting to reassure her sister but at the same time not fueling their mother's wrath._

" _What is it, Elsa? Am I wrong? You are the heir."_

_The audacity of this woman! She knew exactly why Elsa did not have time to spend with Anna, and yet she was purposefully provoking her! What kind of mother did that?_

_Grinding her teeth together, it took all the control in the world for Elsa to remain silent._

_Unfortunately, Anna had taken Elsa's reticence as silent agreement to their mother's statement. Her lower lip quivering, she excused herself from the 'celebration'._

_Elsa glared at their mother, rage burning in her eyes. "Why did you have to say that? Can't you be considerate of what Anna feels? It's your fault I don't have time to spend with her! You_ know _I want to spend time with her; why would you say that?"_

" _Dear Elsa, did your father teach you_ nothing _? In the business world, cold, hard, power is all that matters. Emotions, bonds, relationships are all just baggage. Conceal, don't feel, right?" She added the last question as a taunt._

" _What if I said I am going to refuse any further lessons or schooling?"_

_"Well, that would certainly disappoint your late father, wouldn't it," she remarked coolly. It was not a question._

" _I'll make you a deal. I'll go along with all of it, your tutors, your cramming of lessons into every square inch of free time I have, if you stop giving Anna a hard time about anything ever again," she expelled._

" _That means perfection in everything."_

" _Everything."_

" _You have yourself a deal, young lady."_

"So how was your day, Anna?" Gerda's warm voice shook Elsa out of the void that was her memories. Apparently, the kindly old woman noticed Elsa's knuckles turning white as she gripped the tablecloth in a wild rage.

"Oh, um. It was… fun."

A pang of guilt struck Elsa like an ice pick. Again. Without thinking, she turned to Anna, "Are you still angry with me?"

Her sister shook her head, "It's my fault for wishing for something that didn't exist to begin with, so," forcing a smile, "don't worry about it."

Elsa hated seeing her sister like this. Deception and forced joy didn't belong on her vibrant features. She bit her lip, jaw locking, fighting the urge to open her mouth and let all the secrets spill out.

 _Don't,_ she reminded herself when words of comfort threatened to come barreling forth. Anna didn't need comfort if it couldn't last. What use was a broken umbrella that couldn't provide complete shelter from the rain? Might as well discard the umbrella entirely, if it wouldn't be able to perform its only job.

But Anna looked so  _sad_.

Her emotions were warring against the logical part of her mind, and losing rapidly. Resigning herself to rational thought, she excused herself from the dinner table before she could do any more damage.

"Elsa."

She paused, unsure if her mind were playing tricks on her, or if it was her sister, or her mother calling out for her.

"I've added driving lessons for you next week, Tuesday and Thursday after school."

If there was any doubt who had called her name, it was gone now. What a farce of a family dinner.

* * *

It was last Friday of September, the day before a long weekend (there was a professional development* day on Monday). Having sat through endless torment the entire week, by bullies at school and her mind at home, Elsa approached her locker. All colors of profanity were spray-painted on her locker door. Well, this was nothing new. Her tormentors were constantly finding new ways to get under her skin. Flipping open the door, she  _was_  shocked to find her textbooks missing.

Suddenly, she heard laughter behind her. Hans Falk, a senior, and one of her prime persecutors, stood there with two of his friends, looking very pleased with themselves.

"How do you like the new look? I think it's a very  _accurate_  reflection of what you are."

As she slammed the door shut, and strode passed them to her first class, Hans grabbed her arm, "Ah-ah-ah! Where do you think you're going? Aren't your textbooks missing, dear? Don't you need them for your open-book test today? If you let me fuck you, I'll tell you where they are. After all, it's not the first time you'll be doing dirty things to get what you want, is it?"

His sly, disgusting voice sent chills up her spine. But as usual, she kept her calm demeanor, snatched her arm out of his grasp, and walked away.

On the inside, however, she was panicking. The open-book unit test was today, one of the biggest tests of the semester. What was she going to do? If she didn't get perfect on this test, how was she going to protect Anna from the wrath of their mother? Her deal with their mother was contingent on the premise that she got perfect scores in every subject, and she could  _not_  fail the one thing she had been doing right for her sister.

She was going to score perfect on this exam, at all costs. She had to.

Staring intently at her phone, Elsa kneeled in one of the stalls of the girl's washroom. She'd decided to skip her first class, since it wasn't important anyway, and find an online version of the textbook. Luckily, the textbook was downloadable in PDF form. She couldn't use it during her exam, but she could damn well try to remember as much as she needed in the little time she had left. Sending a silent prayer of thanks to the gods, she proceeded to memorize as much of the information as she could.

When it was finally time for her class, she took a deep breath and stepped in the classroom. Hans was already there, reclining with his feet on his desk and arms behind his head. He gave her a condescending smirk, which she ignored.

Mr. Weselton, a short, stout man, handed out the exam papers, and noticing Elsa's textbook-less desk, he said mockingly, "Well, Elsa, where's your textbook?"

"I don't need it," she replied in a steady voice. She wouldn't have said that if the teacher was known for giving out spares, instead of ridiculing students for their mistakes.

"Hmph. Alright."

Mutters were already spreading across the room.

"How conceited."

"What an arrogant bitch."

"She deserves to fail."

Hans was still smirking at her in anticipation for her imminent demise.

Determined not to let him get the best of her, Elsa gripped her pen and reviewed the information she had stored in her head.

"You may begin."

* * *

Exhausted, Elsa stepped onto the bus and rubbed her temples, trying to mitigate the oncoming headache. The fact that it was the weekend didn't comfort her at all; it only meant more time with her inner demons, and her mother's apathy.

She was lying on her bed, arm over her face, when she heard a knock on her door. The headache was getting the better of her, and she  _really_  wasn't in the mood for talking, but for some inexplicable reason her mouth decided to spout the words, "Come in."

Anna opened the door tentatively, eyes wide as she received the unexpected response. The sight of her exhausted sister lying on the bed was another surprise. "Elsa! Are you okay?"

 _Try to be nice?_  Said some voice from some crevice of the blonde's worn brain. The voices that were constantly hounding her to reject or ignore her sister seemed to be absent today. Or maybe she was just so  _tired_  of pretending. So  _tired_  of having to wear a mask all the time. So  _tired_  of pushing her sister away. So tired of  _constantly_ hurting the one she cared about the most, despite convincing herself it was for the latter's benefit.

"Just  _great_." She hadn't meant to sound sarcastic, but the weight of the day's events was crushing her, and she lashed out without thinking. Almost instantly regretting her choice of words, she amended, "Headache. Long day."

"Hey, I can help with that," Anna chirped. Moving to sit on her sister's bed (and smiling contentedly when Elsa didn't complain or push her away), she leaned over and rubbed the blonde's temples. "Here, right?"

The feeling of her sister's soft hands on her throbbing temples was euphoric; Elsa closed her eyes and for once, ceased all cognitive processes. It was almost like a dream, Anna massaging her head for her, all of her misfortunes, nightmares, worries, were forgotten, just like that. Amazing how one simple act from her could dispel all the negative emotions and thoughts in Elsa's mind.  _Really_ , she thought,  _what did I ever do to deserve you?_

"How does that feel?"

 _It feels amazing._ "Great," she said stupidly.  _Nicely done._ Once again, in the span of two minutes, she had astoundingly managed to spit out sarcasm when she hadn't meant it.

She was equally appalled at her sister's next words. "I love you. You know that, right? Even when we say mean things to each other—"

One-sided mean things, Elsa's mind corrected sullenly.

"—it won't ever change the fact that you're my sister, and I love you, Elsa. I wish you didn't always keep everything to yourself. I know I'm not that reliable, but I'll try my best to help."

"I…"

She wanted to reciprocate, so badly. She wanted to throw down that stupid wall, the on that she had scraped together, brick by brick, and just let Anna see her for who she was. It seemed like she didn't have enough conviction to commit to either side of her decision. This was so pathetic that she almost laughed aloud at herself out of spite.

What was she so afraid of?

_Of hurting her. Because whatever pain she feels, I feel ten times over._

She was a selfish, selfish coward. When her words were distilled down to the bare facts, she had only been afraid of hurting herself. Whatever happened at school didn't give her the right to let Anna bear all her burdens. She couldn't let Anna face the same misery that awaited her everyday at school.

She would rather turn into her father than let that happen. Than let someone like Hans insult Anna's dignity and innocence the way he had this morning.

_No._

No.

Steeling herself, Elsa opened one eye to hold her sister's worried gaze, and once again regretting it, almost unable to bring up her next words. "I think you should leave, Anna."

_You deserve someone better than me._

* * *

**_A/N:_ ** _*Those of you wondering what a professional development day is, where I come from it's a day where the teachers meet and discuss the semester and curriculum, so there's no school. Usually once per month._

_Also, I know Elsa and Anna's mother seems like a bitch, but there's a reason for that, so please bear with me._

_Thanks for reading! And please feel free to leave a review._


	5. Pythagorus

 

There was a knock at her door. "Hey, Elsa? I'm going to the aquarium today with Merida and Rapunzel… you sure you don't wanna come?"

Elsa rolled over in her bed, her back to the door, trying to pretend she hadn't heard anything. Trying being the operative word.

"Is your headache better? I'll have Gerda get you some Tylenol if you want…" The once cheerful offers were getting more and more desperate.

Squeezing her eyes shut and holding her breath in an attempt to stifle any sound that threatened to break out of her throat, she clasped a hand over her mouth.

Their mother's call from downstairs saved her. "Anna, we need to leave now if I'm going to make it for my meeting. Let's go."

There was another knock. Just one. "'Bye, sis."

When Elsa was sure the footsteps were gone, she finally let the tears break out. How she wished Anna would just give up on her. She wasn't sure if it would have made things less painful, but at least it would've been easier.

But she knew that was as impossible for her sister as it was for her.

_Why do I keep screwing things up for you?_

_What do I do?_

* * *

The rest of the long weekend passed uneventfully. Anna returned to her original routine of sitting outside her sister's door and telling her about the aquarium that she and her friends had visited. Elsa never stopped making her secret, habitual visits to her sister's room at night.

Tuesday came like an unwelcome guest. After a whole weekend of shutting herself in her room, Elsa didn't feel like going back to a different sea of torment. Especially to find out how she did on that exam.

"So, I hear we get our marks back today. You really think you could pass with no textbook, bitch?" Of course it was Hans.

Ignoring him as usual, she walked into the Social Studies class.

Looking at her desk, she was slightly surprised to find her textbooks sitting there.

"The janitor found them in the trash bin behind the school," Mr. Weselton said. "Even I'm not dumb enough to think that you'd throw your books away on purpose, Elsa." He said to the class, "Before I hand back your papers, I want to make an announcement. I cannot believe the average on this exam. Despite making it open-book, it was one of the lowest of this semester. What is wrong with you people? And despite not having her textbook, Elsa scored the highest in the class."

Cries of outrage burst from the students in the room.

"Are you kidding me?"

"She must have cheated!"

"What a filthy whore! She probably did what she always does. To get the high marks."

"Silence! You could all learn a thing or two from Elsa. Now shut up! I'm going to pass back the exams."

When Elsa received hers, she covered the score with one hand and took a deep breath. Apprehensively removing her hand, she revealed the score. 98%.

Clenching her fist so tight her nails dug painfully into her palm, she glared at the score. 98%. What was she going to do with 98%? The deal with her mother was that she got perfect in everything. So close. But it meant nothing if it was not 100.

She reminded herself that if she could scrape a 99.5 it would be rounded up to 100 on her final transcript.

She just couldn't screw up again.

"We'll be moving on from the Renaissance to the discovery of the new world today…"

* * *

Anna shifted uncomfortably in her seat. English was never her best course, that along with math and science. Heck, she just sucked at everything. Except art. And today they would be writing an in-class essay on a random topic the teacher was passing out on little slips of paper.

"Now class, don't open your paper until I'm done passing them out. Does everyone have one? You may begin," Ms. Corona announced.

Anna slowly unfolded hers.  _Write an essay about a hero in your life and how they have impacted your choices and personal growth._

Her eyes widened. Who could she write about? Her mother? She was never home. Her father? She barely knew her father. He had passed away when she was younger, and even when he was alive he travelled often for business, spending most of whatever time he had at home with Elsa.

Intrinsically, she already knew whom she was going to write about. Of course it would have to be Elsa. Who else had such a profound impact on her life?

She wrote about her hero, who was always there when she  _really_  needed her. Her hero, who was always so perfect in everything that she commanded the respect of everyone who ever came into contact with her. Her pen flicked rapidly across the lines to fill the space with praise of her sister, who was a sister and a best friend, who used to make the bad dreams go away just by holding her hand. Her beautiful and mysterious sister, who had saved her life when she had fallen through thin ice.

Satisfied that she had described Elsa's grace and majesty to the best of her ability, Anna ended with,  _My sister has never let me down, and I have the utmost faith that she never will, because I know that deep down, she loves me as much as I love her. She is my hero._

* * *

Elsa was sitting at her desk furiously copying notes from the textbooks that were returned to her today, determined not to let Hans ruin her grades again when her Skype made a beeping noise. Curious, she opened the chat.

_Snowflake: hi! ;D_

_Frozen Storm: Hey, what's up?_

_Snowflake: nothing, bored doing math heh_

_Frozen Storm: Oh. Who's your teacher?_

_Snowflake: jacobson_

Elsa's nose scrunched at the name.

_Frozen Storm: I hate him! He sucks at explaining concepts._

_Snowflake: yeah ikr . actually i was wondering if u could help me_

_Frozen Storm: I can try. What are you learning?_

_Snowflake: pythag / i dont get a thing_

_Frozen Storm: Okay, what are you having trouble with?_

_Snowflake: well k i have a triangle with three sides_  
*i mean they always have three sides  
*but it wants me to find the 'hypotenuse'?  
*idk wat that is

Elsa chuckled softly.

_Frozen Storm: The hypotenuse is the longest side. What are you given?_

_Snowflake: ummm theres a right angle and two angles that are sposed to be the same_  
*one side is 5cm  
*i dont get it  
*dont i need two side lengths to find the longest one

_Frozen Storm: Okay, the first thing you need to do is recognize that if you have one right angle, and the other two angles are the same, then they have to be 45 degrees._

_Snowflake: wat y_

_Frozen Storm: Because the sum of all the angles in a triangle is 180 and if you know one angle is 90 then the other two have to be 90/2, if they're the same._

_Snowflake: oooooh ok  
*but how does that help me_

_Frozen Storm: If you know the two angles are the same and one angle is 90 then the two shorter sides have to be the same length. You said one side is 5cm; that means the other side is also 5cm. Then you just use the Pythagorean equation to solve for the longest side._

_Snowflake: wow, i actually get it now  
*thats so sad tho_

_Frozen Storm: What is?_

_Snowflake: the two sides. theyre the same but the distance between them is so far  
*jk im just spouting nonsense, anyways thx_

_Frozen Storm: You're welcome. Does your sister go to AH too? Why don't you ask her for help?_

_Snowflake: o yeah she does_  
*but she doesnt like talking to me  
*and i dont want to look stupid in front of her any more than i have to

Elsa groaned inwardly. Why had she even asked that?She wanted Anna to come to her when she had questions, but at the same time she was relieved she'd found a medium through which she could be nice to her sister and not disappoint her at the same time.

_Frozen Storm: You're not stupid! Mr. Jacobson is just a stupid old grouch who only likes to hear the sound of his own voice. I didn't get a word he said during class, either._

Elsa heard faint giggling down the hall and she could almost imagine her buoyant sister throwing her head back in laughter like she used to when they played together.

 _Used_ to play together. Ouch. There was suddenly a knife in her gut, twisting her stomach into knots.

_Snowflake: omg thats the best description ive ever heard of him! hahaha_

_Frozen Storm: :)_

_Snowflake: did u kno that when we're doing assignments he plays farmville on his ipad_

Elsa struggled to stifle a laugh.

_Frozen Storm: Haha! Really? Wow._

_Snowflake: yeah and someone asked if he could frd him and he was like no haha but u shouldve seen his face!_

A snicker escaped her lips.

_Snowflake: so u had him as a teacher huh_

_Frozen Storm: Yes_

_Snowflake: are u in my class?_

Elsa thought about the best answer to this question.

_Frozen Storm: No, I had him two years ago._

At least it was the truth?

_Snowflake: oh so ur two years older than me_

_*are u 16?_

Uh-oh. Truth or not?

_Frozen Storm: I'm turning 16 soon._

_Snowflake: ooh when?_

Elsa froze. If she told Anna her real birthday, there was no doubt her little sister would put two and two together and figure out who she was.

_Frozen Storm: My birthday's in December._

_Snowflake: wow, thats like my sis' birthday, hers is on dec 22_

As if she didn't know that.

_Frozen Storm: Oh, wow, what a coincidence!_

_Snowflake: so ur in the same grade as my sis then! do u kno her? elsa_

Elsa felt a twinge of guilt at the irony.

_Frozen Storm: I've seen her in some of my classes, yes. She doesn't talk to anyone._

_Snowflake: well that sounds like her_  
*could u do me a favor?  
*i kno its weird cuz i dont even kno who u are but  
*do u think u can watch over my sis for me?  
*like i kno shes a lil hard to approach but shes actually rly nice

Wow, if that knife didn't twist deep enough, it was now. Groaning at the knots in her stomach, Elsa stared at the screen. Why was Anna so painfully selfless?  _Why can't she forget about me and just think about herself for once?_ Every nice thing Anna tried to do for her just ended up making Elsa feel even guiltier for being indifferent and nonchalant.

Clenching her jaw, she closed her laptop. And the knife twisted further.

* * *

Anna was puzzled when her mysterious friend suddenly disconnected. She shrugged and didn't think much of it. Her mind was more focused on how everyone seemed to view her sister.

It made no sense to Anna how anyone could possibly not be charmed to the nines by Elsa. She was so perfect. There were times when Anna couldn't believe how she and Elsa could possibly be related.  _Mom must have dropped me a couple times when I was a baby_ , she laughed to herself.

Her thoughts drifted back to that day at lunch…

_She'd drawn a picture of Mr. Jacobson as a weasel and her friends were passing it around and adding different features to his face. Hitler 'staches, monocles, fish eyes, antennae. She'd been thinking how perfect it would be if she could laugh with Elsa over things like this too._

_And the moment she looked up she caught a glimpse of her sister's platinum blonde hair and thought her prayers had been answered. So without a second thought, she called out, "Elsa?!"_

_She raced out of the room as fast as she could in an effort to catch her sister. It was so rare for Elsa to come find her, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't excited for this chance. She caught up with Elsa in the hall, and without thinking, grabbed hold of her arm. "Elsa, wait!"_

_Just as she was about to ask her older sister if she wanted to join them for lunch, the look Elsa gave her cut off her thoughts. Piercing ice blue eyes, and within them swirled complicated colors of desperation, alarm, and… fear? Longing and regret were there too, for a split second, and Anna almost thought she was imagining it. But fear is not something Anna was used to seeing marring her sister's graceful features. Her mask of indifference, so alike their mother's, was gone for that moment. And Anna could almost see the depths of her sister's soul._

_Before she could make her mind and mouth connect, she heard a piercing jeer, "What's this? It's so rare to see you out and about, slut. Looking for someone to fuck?"_

What the hell? _How dare someone speak to them like that. To Elsa, no less. Determined to defend her sister, Anna whirled to face the threat._

_For the third time today, she was interrupted. Elsa abruptly tore her arm out of Anna's grasp. Anna turned back to her sister, about to mutter an apology. She knew her sister didn't like people touching her, but this was such a rare chance to speak with her._

_When she looked at her sister's face, the mask of indifference was back and she almost shuddered. She was completely unprepared for Elsa's next words. "Who are you? Don't touch me with your dirty hands."_

_Without looking back, Elsa left. And Anna just stood there looking at her sister's lonely silhouette._

_She'd spent the rest of the day crying in one of the stalls of the girls' washroom._

Cringing at the memory, she tried to remember exactly what she had seen in her older sister's face that day.

Alarm, for sure. Out of surprise, no doubt.

Desperation. Puzzled, Anna racked her brain for potential reasons. Could it be that Elsa was upset to see her? Or upset to be seen  _with_  her? Suddenly, she remembered. She had seen the same kind of anguish in her sister's eyes when she was in the ice-cold water after falling through the ice. Her sister was screaming for help in acute desperation and begging Anna to stay awake. But surely the situation weren't comparable? Why, then, did she see such desolation in her sister's eyes? Shaking her head in confusion, she moved on.

Longing and regret. A set of emotions that Anna had never seen in Elsa's eyes ever before. Confused even more, she moved on to the last one that she had singled out in her flashback.

Fear.

Anna couldn't even begin to make sense of this one. She'd seen this too, when she had fallen through the ice, and when she woke up the next day staring into her sister's fearful eyes. She'd mistaken it for worry then. But now, comparing the two, she wasn't so sure.

The question though, still had no answer.

_Why?_


	6. Push and Pull

The following week found Anna wondering where she could have scared her mysterious friend off to. She hadn't seen FS on for over a week and she couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with her request for FS to befriend her sister.

The ringing of the bell that signaled the beginning of the first period interrupted her thoughts. She cursed under her breath and ran the rest of the distance to her first class.

Ms. Corona had just started taking attendance when Anna burst in, panting. "I'm… sorry…" she managed between breaths.

The slender English teacher just smiled. "It's fine, Anna. Take your seat. I have your essays marked, and I must say they were all a pleasure to read. This one wasn't for your transcripts; I just wanted you to get used to the pressure of writing a coherent essay under a time limit. I've written comments on how to improve in the margins and at the end, so be sure to take a moment to go over those."

After finishing attendance, she handed back the papers. When Anna got hers, she was surprised at what was written on the back.  _Please come see me after class_.

Oh-kay. She hoped she wasn't in trouble. That was the last thing she needed right now, on top of a nonchalant mother and a high-strung sister.

The end of class came all too slowly. Her hands were clammy and sweaty from imagining all the different reasons about why Ms. Corona would want to speak with her.

Telling her friends to go on without her, she slowly approached the teacher's desk. "Ms. Corona? Am I in trouble?"

The kind teacher looked at her in surprise. "No, of course not, why would you think were in trouble, dear?"

"Oh. Well, it's just, you know, I have a knack for getting in trouble, so I get in trouble all the time, wait that's what I just said, umm, I'm just gonna stop talking now," she said, cheeks turning red from the rambling. "You wanted to see me?"

The teacher only smiled. "Yes, actually. I found it a little curious, your essay. You wrote about your sister."

"Yes… is that weird? I'm sorry if I weirded you out. I do that a lot. There was this one time I was supposed to write about my favorite fruit but I ended up writing about how chocolate should be a fruit instead," she had to clasp a hand over her mouth to stop the word vomit.

That elicited a small laugh from Corona. "I'm sure you wrote it just as well as you wrote this one. Now, if my assumptions are correct, your older sister is Elsa?"

Anna's eyes widened. "How did you know? Was it that obvious?"

Amused, Corona reached into her drawer and pulled out a couple of stapled pages. To Anna's surprise, the writing was reminiscent of Elsa's graceful penmanship.

"It really is a coincidence, but Elsa got the same essay topic as you when she was in my class two years ago."

Anna's eyes only widened. Curious, she inquired, "Whom did she write about?"

"That's the thing. It's really surprising, but, not only did you two get the same topic, you wrote about the same thing: each other."

"She wrote about me as her hero? No way!"

"I don't know why you find that so hard to believe, but I'm starting to see the truth in the words of Elsa's essay now. It's rare to find someone who regards their younger sibling as their hero. But now that I've met you, it's very believable."

Anna nodded. She always thought their father was Elsa's role model; they had spent so much time together. "Can I… do you think I can read it?" she blurted.

"Well, technically it's my property now, since Elsa said she didn't want it back when I told her there was nothing she needed to improve. You can have it. It was a very endearing coincidence," the teacher answered.

Cradling the papers in her arms, Anna thanked her teacher and skipped to her next class, eager to read each word carefully when she got home.

* * *

Anna stared in awe at what her sister wrote about her. It was like she was reading about someone completely different. Did her sister really see her that way? 'Like a shining ray of light'?

And her last words:  _I consider myself very blessed every day to have such a wonderful little sister._

She couldn't believe her eyes.  _Elsa certainly did an amazing job of hiding whatever she thought of me. For all these years, I've thought that I've always been a bother to her and mother. Sometimes I think she wishes that I wasn't born at all._

She thought back to her dissection of Elsa's expression of fear and longing a week ago.  _Could she actually want to talk to me at school? Could she actually want to spend time with me? Did she not mean what she said?_

_Then what was she so afraid of?_

Unfortunately for Anna, she didn't have a chance to ask her sister when she suddenly realized she had a math unit test the following day, and being Anna, having not studied at all. Burying herself in her textbook with newfound confidence, she got to studying, fueled by determination to make Elsa proud.

* * *

Elsa slumped in her seat with her head on the desk, arms slung carelessly across the polished wood. Anna had raced past her room when she got home, completely skipping her daily routine of recounting the day's events. As much as Elsa hated to admit it, those were the few moments of bliss she actually looked forward to in her day.

But not today. Depressed, she buried her head in the nest of her arms and wondered to herself what she had done, again, to offend her sister.

Laughing scornfully at the irony, she berated herself for feeling so hollow just because Anna hadn't talked to her  _door_  today.

After all, solitude was what she  _wanted_ , wasn't it?

She loathed herself. What she was doing was completely unfair to her younger sister. She pushed Anna away when all the younger girl was trying to do was understand her. Now that Anna was gone, she was praying, practically  _begging_ , for her to come back. She hadn't realized just how much she depended on her sister's voice to help her get through the rest of the day.

When it came down to it, she was a pathetic coward. Stoically pretending that what she was doing was for Anna's benefit only, and yet when she succeeded she couldn't be happy for her sister; all she wanted was to hear Anna cheerfully recounting her adventures in class.

It was so  _unfair_. Unfair of her to want this of Anna. Unfair to treat Anna this way.  _Unfair, unfair, unfair_ , the little girl in her head screamed.  _Why can't we be like normal sisters, laughing about the teachers, stealing each other's toys, protecting each other from harm without needed any sort of mask or façade?_

She knew why.

All she ever wanted to was to do the right thing for Anna. Why was that so much to ask? Why was she so miserable?

_Maybe you're not doing the right thing._

One thing was for certain: she wanted to hear Anna's voice.

* * *

The beeping of her computer disturbed Anna's concentration. Looking up, she saw that her mysterious friend had finally logged onto Skype. Seizing the chance, she greeted her.

_Snowflake: heyy!_

_Frozen Storm: Hi! How are you?_

_Snowflake: im fine, studying for math_

_Frozen Storm: Oh, I see. Finally decided to be a good student, huh?_

_Snowflake: ex-cuuuse me. i am a great student thank u very much_

_Frozen Storm: Sorry about suddenly leaving you hanging the other day…_

_Snowflake: oh yeah whats with that?_

_Frozen Storm: An emergency came up._

_Snowflake: for a whole week?_

_Frozen Storm: Yes._

_Snowflake: well ok wat happened?_

_Frozen Storm: I'm not at liberty to say, sorry. But you asked me to 'watch over' your sister. I'm going to have to decline._

_Snowflake: wat? y?_

_Frozen Storm: Well… your sister doesn't seem like someone who needs taking care of. She seems to want to be alone._

Anna frowned.

_Snowflake: no one actually wants to be alone_

_Frozen Storm: Well, I suppose you know her better than me._

_Snowflake: so ull do it?_

_Frozen Storm: Sorry._

_Snowflake: i thot we were frds._

_Frozen Storm: We are. You and me._

_Snowflake: ur just like everyone else! how can u judge my sister without even knowing her!_

_Frozen Storm: Well, she seems to shut you, her sister, out as well and you're not getting anywhere with her, right? How can anyone else hope to?_

The statement felt like a slap in the face. Anna's cheeks burned as FS's words sunk in. The truth of it stung her like a needle. But she had been trying  _so_  hard. Enduring endless humiliation while shamelessly sitting outside Elsa's room, talking to her  _door_  of all things, every day. All the maids who passed by the room probably judged her and thought she was crazy. Even their own mother probably thought she was crazy.

She thought Elsa probably wasn't even listening anyway, likely just getting more and more annoyed as she rambled on about useless things. She could already feel the tears coming on. The same ones that sprung from her eyes after talking to Elsa's door and failed to elicit a response of any kind. She felt so pathetic. If she knew Elsa better, if she were a better sister, a smarter sister, someone both her mother and Elsa could be proud of, maybe her sister would come out and talk to her. Maybe Elsa would even  _want_  to talk to her. Despite having read Elsa's essay, the terrible thoughts continued to haunt her.

 _Snowflake: but i try! i talk to her everyday. well her door_  
*i dont kno wat else to do  
*and then she doesnt respond and i feel like im so pathetic  
*i spend more of my time crying than anything else these days  
*u think its my fault? that she wont talk to me  
*maybe because im so stupid that she lost faith in anyone else being able to match her

There was a long pause as she waited for her friend's reply.

_Frozen Storm: It's not your fault._

_Snowflake: how do u kno?_

But she was already gone.

* * *

_Snowflake: no one actually wants to be alone_

Elsa gaped at her computer screen and stared, astounded at how, in only a few words, her sister could sum up everything her heart was shouting.

_Frozen Storm: Well, I suppose you know her better than me._

_Snowflake: so ull do it?_

_Frozen Storm: Sorry._

_Snowflake: i thot we were frds._

_Frozen Storm: We are. You and me._

_Snowflake: ur just like everyone else! how can u judge my sister without even knowing her!_

Everyone else? Who else was Anna trying to convince to get to know her?

_Frozen Storm: Well, she seems to shut you, her sister, out as well and you're not getting anywhere with her, right? How can anyone else hope to?_

She sent the message trying to convince Anna to give up as her stomach twisted into knots again. She was completely unprepared for the response her words evoked.

_Snowflake: but i try! i talk to her everyday. well her door haha_

That damn knife was back.

_*i dont kno wat else to do_

_*and then she doesnt respond and i feel like im so pathetic_

Twisting deeper.

_*i spend more of my time crying than anything else these days_

Deeper.

_*u think its my fault? that she wont talk to me_

And deeper. She wasn't sure where the bleeding was coming from, her stomach or her heart. Or both.

_*maybe because im so stupid that she lost faith in anyone else being able to match her_

And finally, she couldn't contain her tears anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> And as always, feel free to leave a review and suggestions as to how I can improve.


	7. In Your Defense

Obviously, this wasn't working. Elsa's self-imposed isolation was hurting Anna as much as it was hurting herself. But would it really be better to allow her baby sister to be subject to the nasty things she herself has to put up with at school? And if she let her in and told her about all the things her peers say and do, would seeing Anna suffering for her really make her feel better? Just for a few moments of self-gratification, is she really willing to put her sister through that?

Sighing, she picked up her physics textbook and stuffed it into her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and walked out the door toward her next class. A hand on her shoulder interrupted her thoughts quite soundly.

"Elsa, you're needed at the principal's office," her physics teacher informed her.

Calmly ignoring the jeers and insults from her peers about the message, she made her way to the office, entering just as the bell rang again, signaling the start of the next period.

"Hello, Ms. Andersen," she addressed the secretary sitting behind the counter. "The principal would like to see me?"

"Oh, yes, Elsa. Please have a seat across from Mr. Banner's office, around the corner."

Elsa nodded. She knew where that was. She'd come here before, to discuss the courses that she was going to take after proving that she could handle an accelerated curriculum through a series of diagnostic tests. What she didn't know was why she was here.

Rounding the corner, she was shocked to find Anna sitting in one of the seats, eyes red and sniffling. Without thinking, she went to her. "Anna? What happened?" She blurted.

Her sister, too, was shocked to see her. But, without answering, Anna threw herself into Elsa's arms, burying her face in her older sister's neck, and began sobbing violently, sputtering incoherently.

So bewildered that she barely even noticed herself instinctively wrapping her arms around her shaking sister, Elsa rested her cheek against Anna's strawberry blond hair, rubbing the younger girl's back in a circular motion. Words of habit involuntarily escaping her lips, "Shh… it's alright. It's okay." She looked up as the principal opened his office door and invited them in.

"Come on, Anna. It'll be okay," she whispered, herding the upset girl slowly into the room.

Slowly untangling her sister from herself, she helped Anna into one of the seats, and took the one next to her. She eyed the trembling hands that were in her sister's lap and, against her better judgement, reached over with her own and intertwined their fingers.

"So, what's going on?" Elsa asked the principal.

"Yes… I was hoping Anna could explain that. The details I heard from Mr. Weselton were not exactly… complete."

"Have you called our mother?"

"Oh, actually, I was going to do just that."

"May I request that you don't? I'll take responsibility for whatever Anna has done. Telling our mother would not help the situation."

The principal eyed her carefully. Mulling over his impression of Mrs. Arendelle, he conceded, "Very well. Now then, Anna, could you tell me what happened? Is it true that you hit Henry Falk?"

Despite the alarm she felt at the principal's words, Elsa found herself grabbing a tissue with her free hand and gently wiped the tears from her sister's eyes. "It's okay, Anna. You can tell me. I won't be angry."

Anna's eyes watered again at her words. "H-he provoked me first. He s-said… He s-said…" she shut her mouth as a soft sob escaped her.

_Be a big sister for once._ "Hey," Elsa whispered, "remember that time when I punched Robby Adams so hard that he ran away crying to his mother? And I got in trouble, right? But everything turned out okay in the end." Well, mostly. But that was a story for another time. "So don't worry; I'm not angry that you hit someone. Everyone makes mistakes." Her words made Anna give her a shaky smile.

"He was saying mean things about you behind your back, that you were a… a… he called you a nasty name, and he said that his brother said that no one likes you because you… do…  _things_  with teachers to get good grades and I know that's not true because you always work so hard and I just got so angry that I hit him and I hit him really hard because then he got a bloody nose and he started calling me names and…" Anna drifted off, trying to hold in the tears that had welled up in her teal eyes again.

Elsa was fighting to keep her composure as a myriad of different thoughts flooded her.

Elation hit first, like a balmy summer breeze. Anna had been defending her. Anna hit someone  _for_  her. The thought was so overwhelmingly warm and pleasant that it almost knocked her off her chair. It made everything she had endured worth it.

Anger struck next in a flash of red, scorching and heavy, like being beaten over the head with a baseball bat _._ It was disorientating and almost regretted asking the principal to keep this from their mother, because she knew that Alana Arendelle would not have tolerated this kind of insult to the family name.

She almost shuddered at the anger that incited her last thought.

The principal cleared his throat. "Well, Anna, thank you for telling me the truth. It looks like I'm going to have to speak to Henry Falk and his brother Hans about spreading false rumours and respecting others. Now, by no means was what you did right; it's never right to hit someone, but we can fairly say that you were provoked. I'm still going to have to invoke disciplinary action, I'm afraid—"

"Wait. You said yourself that she was provoked. You're still punishing her?" Elsa interrupted.

"Yes, but it is more for her own benefit than actual discipline. I'm suspending you unofficially for the rest of the day, Anna. That means you're going straight home to reflect on your actions and it won't show up on your transcript. We'll see you Monday." He looked at the girls' hands, still clasped tightly. "Would you like to be excused for the rest of the day as well, Elsa?"

Elsa bit her lip. But Anna gave her hand a tight squeeze, and in an instant, she knew what her answer would be. "Yes. I need to make sure my sister gets home safely. And that she understands the severity of her actions."

"Very well. You are both excused." As he escorted the two out of his office, he said to his secretary, "Ms. Andersen, please call Henry and Hans Falk to my office, please."

Tugging her sister toward the atrium of the school through the empty halls, Elsa was still deciding what she should say when Anna's voice broke the silence.

"Are you mad at me?" Anna squeaked.

"No. Why would I be?" She meant it to be softer than it was.

"Because hitting someone is wrong."

"Well, as long as you realize that, I think it's fine."

"Are you gonna tell Mom?"

"No. Your secret's safe with me."

A pause. And then, "I'm not sorry. He insulted you."

Elsa gave her sister a playful grin. "I'm not sorry for punching Robby Adams either. He stole your cookie."

* * *

"Are you sure? Don't you have homework?" Anna was surprised when Elsa suggested they watch a movie. "Mom won't like it, right?"

"Anna, you're starting to sound like me," Elsa laughed, "Screw homework. I want to be lazy today."

Needing no further incentive, Anna excitedly jumped up, "I'll get the popcorn! And the chocolate!" and rushed off to the kitchen.

Elsa left a message in their mother's voicemail that Anna wouldn't need a ride home today. Just as she hung up, Anna came back with a steaming cup of hot chocolate in each hand and a bag of popcorn nestled between her arms. "What movie are we watching?"

"I don't know. What do you feel like?" Elsa felt as excited as her sister looked.

Anna bounced to the movie collection. Most of them were documentaries about businessmen and company histories. "Why is our family so obsessed with business," she muttered to herself.

"Anna, what's taking you so long?" Elsa called with mock impatience.

"It's not my fault we don't have any good movies! Unless you're interested in watching a Bill Gates biography."

Elsa felt a twitch on her lips as she fought a smile. She'd browsed through the movie collection once when she was forced to watch documentaries about the wealthiest companies in the business world, hoping to swap the boring grey-scale one out for something more exciting. To her dismay, there had been nothing of interest.

To her surprise, her sister came back with a worn DVD copy of The Lion King.

"Wow, that old thing still exists?" Elsa gasped.

"I know, right? Surprised Mom didn't throw it out."

"Well, put it in!"

The movie was running in all but two seconds, with Elsa sitting cross-legged on the couch and Anna nestled in her side.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS IGENAYA!" The two girls blurted at the same time as the movie started and stared at each other in surprise. It seemed time did nothing to erode the old habits that had been built from watching the same old movie over and over again. They doubled over in laughter as the Lion King theme played in the background.

As Rafiki lifted Simba into the sky, Anna nuzzled into her sister's side. "I missed this."

"Me too," Elsa admitted.

"Poor Scar," Anna lamented wryly, watching Mufasa and Scar challenge each other.

"What? Why?"

"Well, what if Scar and Mufasa used to get in trouble as little lion babies together and had fun all the time and then one day Mufasa becomes king and he gets too busy for Scar and Scar just wants attention from his big brother?"

"You have a really active imagination," Elsa chuckled. "Unfortunately, there is a flaw in your little made-up scenario."

" _Oh, yeah?_ What's that?"

"I can't see Scar riding his bicycle into the bust of his great-grandfather."

"How—how do you know about that?" Anna indignantly spewed. "It's great-grandfather's fault for cluttering up the corridor."

"Your face, my sister, is  _so_  obvious when you've done something wrong. You should've seen yourself when you watched the maids pick up the pieces. Guilt as plain as if it were written in bold letters across your forehead."

She pouted, "Well, ex _cuse_  me for not being to hide my emotions as well as you."

The playful jab hit an unexpectedly sensitive spot. Anna noticed that she crossed the line when she didn't hear a good-natured response from her sister.

"Elsa? Elsa, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just—I mean, you're so good at keeping a poker face, but whatever I feel is always written on my face, and I really envy how you can keep what you're feeling hidden inside… I know I'm babbling now and I'm sorry and I'd really like to stop…"

Elsa gazed wistfully at her sister's concerned turquoise eyes and managed a smile. "I think it's ironic how I wish I didn't have to keep everything inside. I envy how you're not afraid to show what you're feeling to the world. Not just happiness, but anger too. Like when you defended me today. Thank you for that, by the way."

"You—you really? Oh. Well, I wasn't really thinking about showing off how angry I was. I was just... angry at what he said about you." Elsa watched as realization set in. "This is what you've been keeping from me, isn't it? Why you don't want to be seen with me at school. You didn't want me to know how the other seniors at school are treating you. Are you afraid that..." she paused, blinking rapidly, "That I'll somehow get involved?"

Elsa sighed, her poker face crumbling, resigning herself to the accusation. So  _tired_  of hiding everything. "I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't know what they're capable of."

It was Anna's turn to stare back determinedly into Elsa's weary eyes. "I don't know what you think I'm made of, but I'm not as fragile as you think. I would beat a thousand Henry Falks shitless if it meant you stopped going back to ignoring me and making me talk to a damn  _door_."

Despite her language, her words got a quiet giggle from her sister. "I'm sorry, Anna. I won't shut you out again. But can you promise me something?"

Spirits lifted by her older sister's words, Anna nodded enthusiastically. "Anything."

"Never talk to me at school."

Immediately, her face fell, "Why? I thought we were passed all that. I said I would defend you."

"Look, Anna. It would just make me feel better the less people know we're related, the better. Who have you told already?"

"Umm… Rapunzel and Merida already know who you are from elementary…I told my new friends Aurora and Megara… and Henry Falk?" she said the last one with a quiet voice, hoping her sister didn't hear. Ha.

"What. You told Henry Falk. Hans' brother. Dear god, just kill me now."

"He insulted you! So I yelled at him to stop talking about  _MY SISTER_  like that."

Elsa sighed. Well, her plan to protect Anna was out the door. Hans was her primary tormentor. There were others in previous years, but they'd all decided to leave her alone when they realized their tactics had no effect on her. Only Hans and his friends continued to insult her and set secret 'traps' for her day in and day out. Like 'accidentally' tripping her in the halls. Or pouring soda through the vent on her locker door. Or spray painting vulgar comments about her on her locker door. If Henry Falk knew that she was Anna's sister, then Hans would know for sure as well. Why the sociopath couldn't just leave her alone, she couldn't figure out for the life of her.

She pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Why didn't you just keep quiet?"

"Because he was insulting you! Would  _you_  have kept silent if someone was saying mean things about me behind my back?"

The answer to that was obvious. She would have viciously assaulted whoever tried to mar her sister's reputation. She sighed again in defeat.

"Exactly. Now stop sighing all the time like an old lady. Ms. Corona says that whenever you sigh, you let a bit of your happiness escape."

A smile tugged on Elsa's lips, "Please. That doesn't bother me. I have my happiness locked up tight and safe."

"Where?"

Poking Anna's nose with her index finger, she replied, "Here."

Anna giggled and batted Elsa's finger away, "Stop making fun of me!"

"Sorry, it's in my blood. Can't stop it if I tried," she smiled at Anna, who beamed back. "Now let me watch the movie. It's been five years."

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully, unchanged from the norm. The only difference was whenever Anna knocked on her big sister's door, she was invited to enter. She spent the two days talking to Elsa while the latter studied, or studying in the same room. All the maids were shocked at the change, and Gerda was thrilled. Either their mother didn't notice, or she didn't care.

And then it was time for school again.


	8. Cleaning Wounds

Monday came along, and as the two girls rode in their mother's car to school, they snuck each other playful glances under the wary watch of their mother's eye. Elsa wasn't sure what to expect; if Hans knew that Anna was her sister, there was no doubt she'd be victimized as well in his game. Or perhaps he'd miraculously decide to leave them alone. Falk Industries was a large company, but its influence still paled in comparison to Arendelle Corp. She sent a silent prayer to the gods that somehow his barbaric brain would understand the consequences of insulting their family. That he wouldn't force her hand.

But the damage was already done, and it couldn't be reversed. She'd been reluctant to explain the kinds of tactics the senior bully uses, but deciding it was better to prepare Anna for everything, she'd recounted as much as she could, while also sugarcoating as much as she could.

As they entered the school, she walked Anna to the younger girl's locker, to make sure Hans or Henry wasn't pulling the same spray paint stunt that they had before. She wanted to be there if there were hurtful words on Anna's locker door; she remembered how much it stung when she had first seen them graffiti'd on her door. And Anna couldn't hide the hurt as well as she could.

She was relieved to see that the locker was clear, and she gave her sister a pat on the shoulder before turning to go to her own.

She got through first period, physics, without a hitch. Second period, calculus, was fine as well. It wasn't until third period that she heard commotion near the entrance of the school. With Anna's safety as her foremost thought, she sprinted toward the source of the disturbance.

"That was so on purpose!" A brunette with short hair that Elsa identified to be Rapunzel was yelling.

"Yeah, that was so your fault!" A redhead with wild, curly hair spat. Merida, Elsa presumed.

When she finally reached the scene, pushing open the glass doors to the outside, it took her a second to register what had transpired. It was just as she feared. She looked down to see Anna half-sitting, half-sprawled on the hard concrete. Her elbow and knee were bloody and her lower lip was quivering, on the verge of tears. Nearby was an empty can of coke that had spilled over a pile of textbooks and papers on the ground. It took her a moment to piece together that the perpetrator must have 'accidentally' tripped her sister and 'accidentally' spilled soda all over her and her fallen belongings.

Elsa clenched her jaw and dug her nails into her palm. Rage burned within her, raw and red, overwhelming all rational thought. Storming toward the offender, Hans, she said in her coldest voice, "What the hell do you think you're doing."

"Well, well, it looks like I've finally got a response out of the Ice Queen! What about it, bitch, do you have a problem?"

Adrenaline and red-hot fury surging through her veins, she dug her fists into the taller boy's collar and shoved him into the nearest solid object, which happened to be a metal beam. Still burning with cold rage, she said, "You so much as  _look at_  my sister again, and I'll have you  ** _expelled_**."

He was shocked by her violent outburst, but quickly recovered his composure. "How you going to do that, bitch?" he sneered, "Fuck the principal?"

Her hands still buried tightly in his collar, she swung him to the side and onto the ground in another fit of rage, towering over him. Leaning forward, she spat in his face, "Do you think that I was so stupid to let you walk all over me forever? Imagine what Arendelle Corp could do to your family's minuscule wealth if we so desired. How would you like to live on the streets? In a homeless shelter?" She threw the last bit in his face as a whisper so that only he could hear. It was a bluff—she had no idea how the industry worked—but he bought it.

"You bitch—you—you can't…!" he said pathetically as he backed away and walked quickly through the doors, throwing his last words hastily over his shoulder, "I'll get you back for this, you whore."

She turned around and saw Rapunzel and Merida helping Anna pick up her soaked textbooks and papers. Eyeing her sister's bloody elbow and knee, she kneeled down and took one of Anna's shaking hands. "Come on; I'll take you to the nurse's office," turning to Merida and Rapunzel, she said, "Thanks for picking those up. You two should get to class." As if on cue, the bell rang, signaling the start of third period. By then the crowd had already dissipated, students rushing off to their next class.

"That was amazing!" Merida said in her rough Scottish accent.

"Yeah," Rapunzel chuckled as well, handing Elsa the fallen textbooks.

When they were out of sight, she felt Anna tugging on the hem of her shirt. "Sorry, sis," she choked.

"What for?" Kneeling down again, Elsa stared into the girl's watery teal eyes, "It's my fault if anything. I should've been here with you."  _She_  was Hans' real target, after all. It wasn't Anna's responsibility to defend her. And it sure shouldn't have involved her at all, if she had done a better job. If she had been more vigilant. If she had been more careful.

She hadn't realized a hot tear had escaped her eye until Anna's soft hand came up to cup her cheek and wipe it away. "You're probably blaming yourself right now."

_When did she get so damn perceptive?_ "Why shouldn't I? It is my fault. It's me he's after. To him, you're just collateral damage," Elsa replied thickly. "This is what I was afraid of."  _Like all my nightmares realized._ She took a deep breath and swallowed back the rest of her tears. "Let's go."

"Um."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Elsa raised an eyebrow.

"My leg fell asleep," Anna confessed sheepishly.

Elsa couldn't stop a snicker from escaping her lips.

"If you're going to laugh at me, I'll just drag myself to the nurse's office," pouted a very indignant Anna.

"Alright, alright, feisty-pants," Elsa put one arm around her sister and balanced the textbooks with the other.

"Oh, dear! What happened?" The nurse asked as the two girls approached.

"I tripped," Anna blurted before Elsa could say anything.

"Oh, you poor dear, come sit over here," The nurse motioned to a bed. She then proceeded to retrieved the first aid kit, but before she could treat the girl, another student knocked on the office door. "Oh, wait one second, dear."

It was a boy with an open cut on his forehead, which was bleeding profusely. The nurse peered over at Elsa, issuing quick instructions, "Just wipe the wounds with the antiseptic and then tape the gauze over them!" Then she herded the boy to another room, his emergency being more urgent.

Elsa opened the first aid kit and ripped open the plastic containing the antiseptic wipes. Then she tentatively dabbed at the gash on Anna's knee, watching her little sister carefully for any signs of pain. When the younger girl displayed none, she stopped dabbing and gently ran the wet tissue over the wound, trying to clear all the dirt and granite.

"Sorry, you're missing class because of me."

"Stop apologizing. None of this is your fault," The words came out harsher and more impatient than she intended them to. She mentally berated herself.  _Way to show off your mastery of tact and grace._ Was she really that socially stunted? Anna must have felt bad tried for a joke. "I'd rather be here than sitting through Mr. Weselton's boring history lesson anyway."

Humouring her, Anna managed a small smile. "I know that you probably still think we would have been better off pretending we don't know each other at school, but that's not true, at least to me. I still don't regret what I did."

"How could you not regret it, Anna? You wouldn't have to suffer this pain if you didn't acknowledge me, the school freak, as your sister," the blonde said with contempt, unable to hold back her self-loathing.

Anna suddenly grabbed her hand, the one holding the antiseptic wipe. Alarmed, the older girl looked up at her, concern raw in her eyes, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"Yeah, you did." Before Elsa could apologize, she continued, "With your words. It hurts me to see you belittle yourself, Elsa. You're not a freak. They're just jealous of you. You're beautiful, smart, kind, everything that Hans guy isn't. And I hate how you  _still_  think I would be better off pretending that you didn't exist."

"Why?" the blonde asked dumbly.

"Because  _this_  pain," Anna pressed the antiseptic hard into her knee so abruptly that her sister didn't have time to pull away, "is nothing compared to what I felt sitting outside your door, every day, thinking that you hated me."

Elsa just stared, mouth agape, at the unbelievable girl sitting before her, trying to repair the connection between her brain and mouth.

Breaking the tension, Anna gave her another entrancing smile, "I can handle Hans being mean to me. I  _can't_  handle you being mean to me. Okay?"

Elsa nodded stupidly. She wondered briefly how lucky she was to have this brave, stunning, creature as her little sister. Suddenly aware of how close Anna had leaned toward her to get her point across, close enough that Elsa could count the freckles dusting her rosy cheeks, she quickly ducked back, heart racing, and tried to focus on the wound—

"Ow!"

The response elicited an inappropriate laugh from the older girl. Anna's abrupt pressing of the antiseptic into her wound had caused the almost-clotted blood to flow again.

"Hey, no laughing—Ah!—Ow!"

"Stay still, and I'll give you a lollipop when we're done," Elsa shook her head, feigning disbelief. She tore a piece of gauze from the kit and gently pressed it to the wound. "Now, let's do your elbow."

She tried to ignore the pleasant thrumming of her heart against her ribcage that Anna's speech had left within her.

* * *

It was Elsa's first time eating lunch with Anna's friends. Heck, it was Elsa's first time eating lunch at school with  _anyone_. Years of pseudo-isolation did nothing to improve her social skills, causing her to mutter a pathetic "yes" or "no" or "okay" when a question was directed her way.

Or maybe it was because Elsa wasn't focused on the conversation to begin with. Her mind was cluttered with the one-sided conversation they had had in the nurse's office, and of how easily Anna had dispelled her fears and made her realize exactly how  _much_  they needed each other. And how close their faces were—

"Elsa! Hellooo, Elsa!" Rapunzel waved a hand in front of her.

Startled, she shook her mind of the thoughts and realized she had been asked a question. "Yes? I'm sorry—do you mind repeating that?"

"I  _said_ , you should totally tell everyone about how you made Hans Falk run off with his tail between his legs this morning."

"Ohhh~I would love to hear that, too! What did you say to him?"

"Oh, I threatened to get him expelled," she explained.

"Really? You can do that?" another girl, Aurora, chimed in.

Elsa shook her head, "Not legally, I don't think. I bluffed and he bought it."

"Elsa has a  _really_ good poker face," Anna chirped.

Before any further questions could be asked, the PA system sounded. "Elsa Arendelle, please report to the office. Elsa Arendelle, to the office."

Elsa felt herself flush when all eyes were focused on her. Excusing herself, she felt Anna tug her hand.

"Do you think it's about this morning? Should I come with you?"

"No; if they wanted to see you they would have announced your name as well. I'll be right back. Have a great lunch, guys."

As she exited the arts room, she heard the barely-contained excited squeals of the girls behind her.

"Your sister is totally different from what I imagined! I thought she was a robot! She's actually really nice!"

"You are  _sooo_  lucky to have such a smart and pretty big sis!"

She could feel Anna's warm gaze on her back as she made her way out of the room and to the office.

She hadn't expected to see their mother at the office, talking with the principal. As she approached, Principal Banner greeted her. "Ah, Elsa, it's nice to see you."

"You as well, Mr. Banner." With an apprehensive glance at her mother, she asked, "What's this about?"

"Your principal and I were discussing your early graduation," her mother explained.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You will have enough credits by the end of this school year to graduate in June, Elsa. And since it's only early November, you should have enough time to finish college applications," the principal affirmed. "And with your grades, I have full confidence that any university or college will immediately grant you early admission with a scholarship."

"Am I able to graduate at the same time as my peers, should I choose to?"

The principal looked puzzled, "Well, technically, yes, but a student with gifts as precious as yours should seize the chance to get ahead."

"Yes, Elsa, what are you thinking? Of course you're going to graduate early."

"But…" The question held her chest in a vice.

_Who's going to protect Anna?_


	9. Crystal Threats

Anna didn't understand why Elsa was suddenly ten times busier than she was before. During the previous weekend, when she entered her sister's room to ramble, Elsa would always humour her with an "oh really?" or a "that's cool". Now Elsa was so busy that she didn't even have time to fake a reaction to the one-sided conversations.

Anna knew it had something to do with Elsa's visit to the principal's office that day. But no matter how much she pestered her sister, Elsa refused to tell her what it was about, only reassuring her with, "I'll tell you later."

So she retreated to her room, turning on her computer, hoping to find ways to distract herself from her sister's (once again) aloofness. Opening Skype, she was disappointed to find her friend Frozen Storm was offline.

A chat bubble popped up. It was Rapunzel.

_Tangledhair: hey anna i no its only nov, but do u want to get a head start on christmas shoppin?_

_Snowflake: oh good idea!_

_Tangledhair: cool ill get meg merida and aurora, wanna ask elsa?_

_Snowflake: ummm shes rly busy but ill ask_

_Tangledhair: kk_  
*oh did i tell u?  
*i think eugene's gonna ask me out!

_Snowflake: omg, rly?_

_Tangledhair: yea, hes been talking to me a lot  
*and he said he likes someone and she has short, brown hair_

_Snowflake: wow ok  
*do u like him?_

_Tangledhair: i think so_

_Snowflake: how do u kno?_

_Tangledhair: idk, i guess when he looks at me i get really flustered_  
*and i like talking to him  
*and when we're alone i kind of get really nervous and excited at the same time

_Snowflake: well congrats punzey! u finally found someone else willing to put up with u!  
*i hope he asks u out soon!_

_Tangledhair: i know! me too  
*oh i gotta go, dads comin cant let him catch me sneaking_

_Snowflake: kk bye_

Her stomach felt a bit fluttery in anticipation for her friend.  _I hope I find someone who likes me too,_ she thought, blushing. When she was younger, she used to dream of the fairy tale princes from the bedtime stories that Elsa read to her. She was surprised that her heart leapt at the thought of having someone to hug, kiss, and love her back, someone who could share romantic dinners with her and listen to her worries. Someone she trusted whom she could share the rest of her life with.

With a grin on her face, she went to Elsa's room and knocked on the door. She turned the knob when Elsa said 'enter' absentmindedly and found her sister furiously writing amidst a pile of papers. Anna crossed the room and plopped herself down on her sister's bed.

"Hey, Elsa?"

The reply was a half-hearted hum.

"Punzey and the others wanted to know if you wanted to go Christmas shopping this weekend."

"Hm."

"So, uh, do you wanna?"

"Hm?"

"Go Christmas shopping."

"Hm."

"Do you want to go Christmas shopping with me and the others this weekend?" Anna repeated for the third time, a little impatient now.

When her sister ignored her, Anna stood up, frustrated. "If you're not going to listen to me, then don't bother inviting me in!"

With that, she marched out of the room, pointedly slamming the door on her way out. She turned and listened quietly at the door for a few moments to see if her outburst had affected Elsa to any extent, and was disappointed when she heard silence. Shaking her head, she returned to her bedroom.

* * *

Elsa threw her arms up in frustration, annoyance at her innate inability to communicate properly getting the better of her. It wasn't that she didn't want to speak to Anna, but she was afraid of answering her little sister's questions about why she was suddenly so busy.

She wanted to explain herself, she really did. But she didn't know how to do so without causing Anna hurt and disappointment.

Irritated with herself, with her mother, with her life, she grabbed the sheet of paper on her desk, violently crumpled it into a ball, and threw it into the waste bin where its brothers and sisters lay abandoned and discarded. She'd tried to write this essay for the twelfth time, failing every time to describe a satisfactory reason for applying to the stupid university.

Slumping against her desk, memories of the argument she had with her mother after the principal announced her early graduation floated back to her mind.

" _I refuse to graduate early," she had said when they had returned home, stepping into her mother's office._

_Her mother's lips curled into a sneer disguised as a smile. "What makes you think you have a choice, Elsa?"_

" _I'm the one who has to do the applications. I'm simply not going to send them in."_

" _You're acting like a child. What makes you think you need to be the one to complete the applications? There are many people out there I could hire to finish those applications for you. Your grades are sufficient in representing you."_

" _You can fake my applications, but you can't fake my attendance. If you do send in those applications, and you even accept an offer on my behalf, there's nothing you can do to make me physically attend classes."_

_Her mother sighed in exasperation._  " _Why are you reluctant to graduate, Elsa?"_

" _Maybe I'm tired of walking down the path you and father paved so adamantly for me. Maybe I just want to live my own life, choose what_ I _want to do, attend college where_ I  _want to go, and major in what_ I  _am interested in. My entire life I've done nothing but comply with your outrageous demands. Have you ever even looked at Anna or I and wondered if_ we're  _happy the way our lives are? Isolated from the rest of the city in this big, stupid manor, we couldn't live normal lives like other girls our age, have sleepovers, attend birthday parties, or go on family vacations. When was the last time you even gave Anna a hug?"_

_Her mother only chuckled coldly. "Oh, Elsa. Look around you. Look at the glories reaped by the blood of your ancestors, the sacrifices they made for you, for the proud Arendelle bloodline. Look at the power and wealth that will be available to you when you are ready to inherit it. Do you have any idea how many people have died so you could stand here complaining like a five-year-old about the weight of your responsibilities?"_

_She returned her mother's cold gaze with a glare of her own. "You and Father are so blinded by the pursuit of wealth and power that you're missing how miserable you've made us. What is the point of riches and glory when it does nothing to make us happy? Why do you endlessly chase after something that makes you want more of it the more you obtain?"_

_To her surprise, her mother's habitually impassive eyes softened ever so slightly. "You are still young and naïve. You don't understand the cruelty of this world or the people in it, the people who smile at you under false pretenses and then stab you in the back as soon as you turn around. Remember this, Elsa. People change. People die. Power is the only real, tangible constant there is. When you have power, there is nothing to fear. Only when you have power can you control the world around you and make it safe for yourself and your family. And now you are in a position that your father nor I ever had at your age; power and status are at your doorstep, just waiting for you to grab hold, and yet you are so foolishly blinded by the falsehood of emotions like 'happiness' that you are willing to throw it all away!"_

_She stared incredulously at the woman before her. "What happened to you? What have you been through that has made you so withered and jaded?"_

_Her mother proceeded, pointedly ignoring her, "You wish to protect your sister. Have you ever felt powerless to do so? Watched her get hurt and unable to prevent it? Have you ever wished you could crush anything and everything that could do her harm?"_

_Immediately thinking of Hans, Elsa gritted her teeth. Her murderous expression answered her mother's questions._

" _Be powerful enough to incite fear in your enemies, and no one will ever dare to harm you nor Anna again. Only a few more years, Elsa, and you could protect Anna from anything. Even now, with our influence on the school board, you could expel anyone from Arendelle High with fabricated evidence of some crime serious enough to warrant such action. And you would get away with it. Because we have power."_

_As much as she was tempted to inflict that upon certain people, there was still a voice of reason in the back of her head._ " _That's deception and slander!"_

_Her mother almost laughed. "In a world of swindlers and hypocrites, you must adapt. That misguided sense of morality has to be abandoned if you are to be CEO."_

_"I don't understand. You seem to be telling me that no one in this line of work is a decent human being."_

_"People are scum, Elsa. People are selfish. In this world, people will sense your weaknesses the way sharks are attracted to blood, and you must be prepared for it. For example, I can threaten Anna's freedom, and what can you do? What if I strip your sister of all rights to leave the house and lock her in isolation until the day you take over this company? Would you still defy me?"_

_She panicked._ " _You—you wouldn't! She's your daughter! That must be against the law!"_

" _The law? Have you learned nothing, Elsa? The law cannot touch us if we have the money."_

" _But she's your daughter! How could you do that to her?"_

" _The world is cruel. We live in a society where people climb to the top of the social pyramid by stepping on their peers. I'm afraid your sister is even more hopeless than you are when it comes to matters of the real world. Perhaps she's due a lesson as well."_

_Elsa's blood ran cold at the thought of the lessons she'd had with her father._ " _Stop. I'll do as you say. Just… just leave her out of it."_

_A wry smile spread across her mother's lips. "Remember who you are, Elsa."_

Elsa shivered at the memory. That day, she realized that the only way for both her and Anna to escape this hell was to become the one who controlled it. She couldn't change her mother. But maybe she could change the world they lived in. Even if she would have to become the devil herself.

_I have to protect Anna._

* * *

Winter holidays were around the corner, approaching all too quickly. In addition to sending out the last of her college applications, Elsa was juggling term papers and end-of-term projects, with worries about Hans and Henry constantly plaguing the back of her mind, although her threat seems to have temporarily deterred them from bothering herself or Anna. She did know that eventually Hans would realize that her threat was empty and return to hounding her with intensified ferocity.

Anna must have noticed her exhaustion and forgiven her intrinsically for her unintended indifference and therefore was adamant about dragging her out for last minute Christmas shopping.

"Elsa, it's almost your birthday, and you've barely eaten or slept this past  _month_. I'm worried about you! Not only will you not talk to me, but you look like a ghost! You  _need_  some time for yourself or you're going to shrivel up and turn into an old prune before you're even sixteen!"

Elsa had almost been able to refuse, until Anna gave her an irresistible pout along with the most adorable puppy dog eyes. She could afford one day off, she decided.

And so the two were at the mall, sipping slushies, eating ice cream and browsing various stores throughout the plaza. A jewelry store caught Anna's eye, and she dragged her sister inside.

Anna had always been interested in shiny things, ever since they were kids. Elsa suspected it was one of the reasons she loved the snow and ice; there was something special about the way they glinted and shimmered in the presence of the sun. She approached the store with a bounce in her step, admiring the various necklaces and charms, as Elsa shuffled after her.

Elsa never minded accompanying her sister; it was always a pleasure to watch the younger girl's features radiantly come to life when she found something that piqued her interest. As Anna danced spiritedly about the store, Elsa realized that she had been so caught up in her work that she had completely forgotten to get her sister a Christmas present. Mentally slapping herself for her carelessness, she looked around more actively, trying to find something that was both thoughtful and creative, something that embodied how precious her little sister was to her.

Her gaze lingered on one of the signs in the store.  _Design your own necklace! Tell us, or show us, exactly what you want, and we will cater directly to your needs! Satisfaction guaranteed, or you get a full refund!_

She motioned to one of the attendants.

"Yes, how can I help you, young lady?"

"How does this work, exactly?" She pointed to the sign. "Do I draw a picture of the necklace that I want, and you produce it for me?"

"Yes, precisely. If you tell us exactly what you want, what shape, what colour, what materials you wish for us to use, we will create it to your satisfaction."

"Do you have a pen and paper that I could use?"

"Absolutely, Miss." The attendant handed her a blank sheet of paper and a ballpoint pen.

After making sure that Anna was still distracted by the various collections in the store, Elsa began to draw. She drew the first thing that came to mind, something that symbolized the bond between herself and her sister. Biting her lip to keep from smiling with satisfaction, she noted the dimensions and materials and handed the paper back to the attendant. "Could you create this for me?"

The woman glanced at the drawing and replied, "I don't see why not. Let me grab you an order form." She handed Elsa the form, "Please fill out your name and address, as well as your phone number and signature. You will have to pay a deposit today, and then the full price on the day of pick-up. What material would you like the chain to be of?"

"Silver, please." Elsa filled out her information as the woman scribbled notes down on the sheet of paper with her drawing.

"And the charm? Oh, I'm sorry, you wrote it here. I beg your pardon, miss, usually customers fail to write exactly what they want their order to be made of. You are a meticulous one! Please wait a moment while I get an estimate of the price."

Elsa nodded, and looked over at Anna again. The girl was gazing at a collection of penguins made from crystal. She noticed Elsa watching at her, and waved excitedly. Curious, Elsa approached her.

"Look, Elsa! Aren't they so cute? It's a family, and the dad is fishing, the mom is feeding the babies—oh, look at this one, he's stealing food from his brother! Oh, this is so adorable!"

She laughed. "Reminds me of that time you stole the last piece of my chocolate bar."

"Hey! Only because you weren't paying attention and it looked so lonely!" Anna stuck out her tongue. "You got me back by stuffing snow down my shirt, so we're even."

Elsa smiled fondly at the memory. She noticed the attendant returning to the counter. Searching for something that would divert her sister's attention, she spotted an assortment of Disney figures cut from diamond, with colours provided by rubies, emeralds and sapphires. As Anna bounded over to admire the workmanship, Elsa stealthily returned to the lady.

"Your order should be ready in approximately a week. Here is an estimate of the total cost, and here is how much you need to deposit today," the woman wrote down the numbers on the order form.

Elsa nodded, unconcerned with the cost of the item. They never had a spending limit; to them, it was one of the only advantages of being an Arendelle, their mother confident that they couldn't possibly spend more than the numbers their company made. Neither Elsa nor Anna was fond of flaunting their wealth, both of them understanding that this spending freedom was paid for with other liberties. Neither of them would have hesitated in the slightest to give up the limitless spending for a chance at a normal life.

Elsa handed the woman a handful of folded bills. The woman counted the money, gave her the change, and handed her the receipt and a copy of the order form.

"Please keep this in a safe place; you'll need it to show it to us again when you come in to pick up your item. Sign here, and we're done. Have a good day!"

"To you as well."

Elsa headed back to where Anna was, pleased that she had successfully placed the order without arousing suspicion in her sister. Anna was staring at a topaz creature that Elsa identified to be Simba.

The figurine reminded Elsa of something. "Say, Sis, what do you say we go find a couple more movies to spice up that abysmal collection we have in the theatre?"

Anna turned to her, eyes bright. "That's a great idea, Elsa! Let's go!" Looping their arms together, Anna swiftly pulled her older sister out of the jewelry store and toward the nearest movie retailer.

* * *

Elsa collapsed on her bed, physically drained from her expedition with her sister through the rows and rows of movies that they had missed over the years. She had only meant to buy a couple, but every time Anna gave her an adorable lopsided smile and looked at her with sad, hopeful eyes, Elsa melted internally and caved to her sister's suggestions. Needless to say, Anna was very persuasive.

Her sister followed her into the room, arms full of the treasures that they'd gathered today, letting them spill out onto the bed. "Which one should we watch first?" Anna asked excitedly.

Elsa pulled an arm over her eyes and tried to hide her smile, despite her exhaustion. "Not today, I still have a bunch of stuff that I need to catch up on today."

"But you're so tired!"

"Ah, Anna, you may have drained me physically, but you have invigorated me emotionally and mentally. Turn on my laptop for me; I need to at least finish one thing today."

"Fineee," Anna huffed, but complied with Elsa's request.

So intoxicated by the joy of the day's expenditures, Elsa had completely forgotten that she had set Skype to log her in as invisible automatically. It wasn't until too late that she realized her mistake.

She heard Anna grow still. "Frozen Storm?"


	10. Fear of Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Mentions of abuse

_Elsa._

_Elsa._

_Elsa, what is this? Look here. There's a mistake here, do you see it?_

_Yes. Yes, I do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. Please. Please don't._

_Mistakes will always cost you, Elsa._

_The crackle of leather split the air. Followed by the reek of blood and sweat and tears._

_She was begging. Begging for the pain to stop. Begging for forgiveness._

_You need to fear failure, Elsa._

_There was pain everywhere, screams echoing in harmony with the rhythmic hissing of leather as it sliced through the air._

She woke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat, heart thundering against her chest. The wave of terror slowly dissipated as she took in her surroundings. Hugging her knees to her chest, she realized she was still seated in her chair, papers crumpled and pens strewn randomly about her desk. Tightening her grip on herself, she struggled to hold in the terrified sobs that always flowed forth after that particular nightmare, trying to keep the broken pieces together.

Still unable to shake the sense of fear that her nightmare—or was it a memory?—incited, she staggered upright and made her way to the bathroom. Her stomach churned as the ominous image burned itself once again in her mind.

She stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water at full blast, not bothering to remove her clothes. The water soaked through her jeans, tank top and sweater, the wet clothes clinging to her and the added weight causing her exhausted body to collapse to the floor of the shower.

She was chilled to the bone, and she tried to pretend that it was because of the water, and not the dream.

She told herself that the water running down her face came from the showerhead, not her eyes.

She hadn't had that nightmare in a long time; it was buried under the years of memories between her father's death and the present. She squeezed her eyes shut as her recollection of what probably triggered the nightmare came back to her.

" _Frozen Storm?"_

_Elsa sat up immediately, cursing herself for being so careless. To be honest, she had completely forgotten about the Skype thing, since she no longer needed the guise of a stranger to talk properly with Anna. Bringing herself to sit cross-legged on her bed, she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees._

_Rubbing her temple, she sighed. "Look, Anna, I was going to tell you. It's just, I've been so busy with colle—school stuff."_

_There was a silence before her sister responded. To Elsa's surprise, Anna's words were angrier than she'd expected, the younger girl's face flushed, eyes narrowed. "_ You _might not think it's a big deal, but I do! You lied by omission when I asked who you were! It's wrong! Is this what dad taught you when he gave you private lessons?" Elsa flinched. Anna continued, oblivious of the memories her seemingly innocent words were triggering in her sister, "How to lie?"—another flinch—"That does make sense, doesn't it, because you're going to take over the business one day, right? What better way to—"_

" _Shut up, Anna! Please get out!" Elsa folded her arms protectively across her stomach, trying to keep herself from shaking. With anger, Anna presumed._

" _Right, just shut me out again. That's what you always do when I say something you don't like. Why can't you just talk to me properly, Elsa?"_

" _GET_ OUT _," Elsa roared, eyes shut. When she heard the shuffle of her sister's feet and the slamming of the door, she opened them again and cried, barely able to hold herself together._

* * *

Anna wasn't really sure why she was upset with Elsa for not revealing her identity on Skype. She wasn't entirely sure of Elsa's reasons for approaching her as a stranger on Skype to begin with. She'd impulsively accused Elsa of lying because she felt fooled by her sister. Like Elsa was playing her. She felt slightly humiliated, like she was being manipulated, just because she was tricked into thinking that Frozen Storm was a different person. So she lashed out impulsively.

She'd been overshadowed by her older sister her entire life. Not that Anna really minded, because she knew Elsa was the one who needed to be perfect since she was going to take over as heir. Anna, on the other hand, was allowed to play and slack off without being reprimanded as severely by their mother. She had more free time, because she didn't need to take piano lessons or violin lessons or etiquette lessons as seriously as Elsa did. Deep down, she was grateful to her older sister for shouldering those responsibilities. But a little part of her, a tiny part, resented the fact that Elsa was so above and beyond her.

So when she found out that Elsa had lied to her about being Frozenheart, she felt ashamed, stupid, once again that her sister had successfully fooled her for so long. It was as if she was just a mindless puppet to be manipulated by her sister.

Of course, it didn't take long for these feelings of shame to be washed away by yearning for her sister. Even though Elsa had now allowed her to enter her room when Anna knocked, it did little to quench the younger's feelings of loneliness and longing for her sister. She reflected on her hasty actions earlier and reprimanded herself.

She was a little puzzled, however, at Elsa's response to her reckless accusations. Her sister was usually so level headed, so calm; it wasn't like her to mirror Anna's impulsive actions and throw her out. Elsa was usually the one to calm everything down when they fought, and the one to skillfully resolve any issues at hand. The wild Elsa that threw her out had the look of a tortured animal, but Anna for the life of her couldn't figure out how exactly she had offended her sister.

Despite her mind yelling at her to go make up with her big sister, Anna was a little afraid of how Elsa would react (having just violently kicked her out), and a little more afraid to face  _the door_  again.

* * *

The next day found them sitting on opposite sides of their mother's car, with Anna trying to meet her sister's eyes and search for signs of forgiveness. It seemed, though, that Elsa was purposefully averting her gaze, focusing on something far and distant through the window.

"What happened?" Asked a worried Rapunzel when Anna remained silent throughout lunch, distracted and depressed. "Did you have a fight with Elsa again? Is that why she's not here? I thought you guys were getting along fine."

Despite Elsa's preoccupation with her work, she had spent every lunch period with Anna and her friends, politely answering questions about teachers and helping them with their homework. All of them had taken a liking to Elsa, envying Anna having a big sister, since none of them had older siblings. That, and Elsa was very likeable to begin with, if one took the time to get to know her.

"We were, until I found out that she was the one pretending to be my mysterious friend on Skype."

The revelation elicited excited gasps from her friends.

"That's so sweet of her!" Merida exclaimed.

"How—how is that sweet of her?" Anna asked incredulously, taken aback by the unexpected wave of praise.

"Anna, how have you not figured it out yet?" Aurora chastised, shaking her head. Anna only blinked in response.

"Elsa probably really missed talking to you, but she couldn't tell you that she was being harassed—" Megara began.

"—And she didn't want to drag you in to her problems, which means she couldn't be friendly with you at all—" Rapunzel interrupted.

"—Because she didn't want to have to explain why she won't talk to you at school—" Merida continued.

"—But she probably still wanted to be a good sister to you, which is why she befriended you as a mysterious stranger," Aurora finished.

"I know all that!" Anna sputtered indignantly. "I'm not an idiot." The reasons were all a jumble in her head, but they were there. She knew why Elsa did what she did. She  _was_  trying to fix things. But Elsa was being so difficult.

"So what's the problem?" All four of them demanded in unison.

"I think I said something really mean to offend her, but I don't know what. I mean, we've had worse arguments before, but she's totally been giving me the cold shoulder. Like she won't even look me in the eye."

"Elsa does seem the type to keep her problems bottled up inside, huh," Rapunzel lamented slowly.

"Yeah, well, she has such an unreliable ditz for a sister, so it's not unexpected," Merida half-teased, trying to lighten up the mood. Noticing Anna's ever more depressed expression, she nudged her with an elbow, "Look, she probably just needs some time to herself, you see. She's still really busy, right? That could be a reason. Come on, girl, you'll have all winter vacation to patch things up, you will."

"Hey girls, why the long faces?" Eugene walked in, his easy-going expression quickly dissipating from his brown eyes and ran his hand through his habitually messy hair as he took in the depressed atmosphere of the arts room. Following behind him was his friend Kristoff, a tall blonde guy from the same grade, looking just as confused.

"Anna's having problems with Elsa, again," Rapunzel explained warily.

"Well, that's nothing new," Eugene chuckled, "They're always fighting about somethin' or other." He clamped a hand over his mouth when Rapunzel shot him a murderous glare.

"Aww, Anna. Don't worry about it; these things always work themselves out," Kristoff put an arm on Anna's shoulder to comfort her. Looking up at him, she smiled wistfully into his light brown eyes, making his cheeks redden slightly. "Uh, I mean you're sisters, right? There isn't anything more important than family. I don't know the details, but it's the same everywhere, right? Nothing can beat the family bond!"

"Kristoff would know, he has about a million cousins," Eugene punched him in the arm teasingly. Slyly putting his arm around Rapunzel, he whispered, "Now… enough about Elsa, I need help some help with this math question. Rapunzel, could you find it in your kind heart to save my poor soul?"

Rapunzel, feigning disgust, shoved his side with her shoulder. He then proceeded to give her his 'smoldering gaze', which earned him the guffaws of everyone in the room.

* * *

Elsa was in the tech lab, concentrating on her spreadsheets and calculations that comprised the last assignment for her business elective. However, try as she might to distract herself, she found her mind wondering if Anna found her absence in the arts room unsettling. She wasn't ready to face her younger sister again, after Anna had unwittingly caused her nightmares about her father to resurface. Just seeing Anna again reminded her of the recurrent nightmares she was having about their late father and once again struck irrational panic into her heart. She reminded herself that he was dead, that she would never have to face the hard leather of his belt again, but it still was insufficient in dispelling the deep-seated trepidation put there by years of torment during her childhood.

There is no way that she was going to tell Anna about this. No way in hell. To her sister, their father was always a foundation of support, kindness, and shelter. Anna had never seen the side of their father that Elsa had. In Anna's mind, their father was an affectionate, loving, and tolerant man. She had looked up to him, and he was always so gentle with her. His death had devastated her. Letting her know what he did to Elsa would  _destroy_ her.

Elsa knew it was horrible, but she was almost relieved when he died. Their mother was intimidating, but she had never  _hit_  her the way their father did. Or maybe it was because the fear of failure that he had instilled in her had already become so prevalent by the time of his death that their mother saw no need to continue his sick form of conditioning.

And there were times Elsa was glad that she was the heir, because only she had to bear the brunt of their father's ideals, allowing her younger sister to be spared. The only solace Elsa found when recovering from her wounds was the realization that if she got hurt, Anna wouldn't have to.

There were also times that Elsa resented her younger sibling, for her sheer ignorance and lack of appreciation for what Elsa was doing for her.

Plagued by nightmares, this week was one of those times.

* * *

"Elsa, it's the first day of winter holidays. You can't use 'busy' as an excuse to ignore me anymore. Please, talk to me. I can't do this anymore. Tell me what I did wrong; I'm sorry. I know you did the Skype thing for  _me._  I'm not mad about that, I never really was. Please, Elsa. Just  _talk_  to me." Despite the argument, Elsa was keeping her promise of not shutting her younger sister out anymore. Ironically, she was still doing it emotionally. Anna was sitting on Elsa's bed, her pleas getting more and more desperate.

For the first time in a week, Elsa turned around in her chair and held her sister's gaze, annoyance plain on her face. "How was your week, Anna?" She managed evenly, before averting her eyes again.

Anna was quickly losing her patience as well, fed up with a week of disdain and neglect from her older sister, "Look, we can pretend there's nothing wrong and let it fester or you can spit out exactly what's been bothering you! I'm tired of acting like the  _mature_  one and trying to get to the bottom of this mess, when you won't even cooperate!"

That was it. Something inside Elsa snapped, and without thinking she betrayed the once-solid control she had of herself, "Mature one?  _You're_  the mature one? The mature one, the ignorant fool who only sees what she wants to see? You have no idea what I've been through, because of you! You have  _no_  idea! You want to know what has been bothering me this past week?  _You_! You're a pain in my side, you know that? You can't even  _begin_  to imagine what I've suffered so you could live your happy-go-lucky life like nothing's ever wrong—you can't even begin to fathom what I've sacrificed for  _you_!"

Anna turned red with anger. She'd only been trying to fix things. She didn't deserve this sudden accusation from Elsa. "Why don't you tell me, then? Tell me what you've 'suffered' because of me! Maybe then we can get past your passive-aggressiveness and solve this like adults! Whose fault is it that I don't know anything? Yours! You won't  _ever_  tell me  _anything,_  and now you're blaming me for being ignorant? How is that fair? All my life I've only tried to love you and support you, and this is what I get?"

"To hell with this." Elsa stormed out of the room.

"That's right! Just walk away like you always do!" Anna spat after her.

After her sister was out of sight, Anna slumped against the wall, sinking to her knees, burying her face in her hands, and finally letting her tears flow.

Elsa fought the urge to turn around and clenched her jaw, digging her nails into her palms, the physical pain helping fight the ache in her heart.

Unbeknownst to the other, they were thinking the same thing.

_Did I fail as a sister?_


	11. The Sweet Terror of Winter

 

Anna's phone buzzed. The third time today.

Groaning, she rolled over, grabbed the phone off her nightstand and answered angrily, "What!"

"Oh, hey, Anna," Replied a gruff, surprised voice. It took her a moment to recognize Kristoff. His concerned voice sounded again, "Sorry to bother you, I was just worried. You haven't been replying my texts and stuff. Rapunzel and the girls are worried sick, too. We're out right now. You, uh, busy?"

Before she responded, a higher, more excited voice emanated from the speaker, "Give me that! Anna, where have you  _been_? I've been trying to reach you for two days! Please tell me you didn't make things worse with Elsa!" It was Rapunzel.

Elsa. The name sent a fresh wave of guilt and regret washing through her. She hadn't seen Elsa since the fight. Unable to bottle up the frustration and resentment that followed, she yelled angrily, "Don't talk to me about Elsa! Don't mention Elsa in front of me ever again!"

"Oh—okay, Anna, just calm down." Rapunzel paused for a second, mulling over what to say. "Hey, we're going to a party tonight at Eugene's friend's house. It'll be a good change for you, right? Do you wanna come? It'll be totally fun! I could get my mom to drive us over and pick you up. We could hang at the mall and then go over."

A party. With loud music and dancing and no thinking. That sounded nice. In fact, anything to keep her mind off Elsa would have been received with open arms. Without a second thought, Anna agreed. "Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks. See you in a bit." Biting her lip, she quickly got up, showered, and dressed. Not casting a second glance at Elsa's door as she passed it, she ran down the stairs and out the front door.

* * *

Elsa watched forlornly as Anna entered Rapunzel's car and tried to ignore the knife in her gut. Sighing, she sat on the wide windowsill and hugged her knees to her chest, eyes following the car as it began its journey down the long, winding road back to the city. The destitute house (and her heart) suddenly felt so much emptier without her sister's jovial presence somewhere in it.

It must have been for the millionth time that her regret and guilt came flowing back to her as she remembered her violent outburst two days back. She had always told herself that whatever she sacrificed for her sister's happiness would always be worth it. And every time she looked at Anna's beaming smile and innocent features, her convictions were reaffirmed. Faced with her father's 'lessons' and her mother's threats, the only thing that helped her through those was the thought of Anna, like a light at the end of the tunnel, smiling at her, spreading to her contentment that radiated off her like the rays of the sun.

And now she had ruined even that. Why did she have absolutely zero control over her tongue? Why couldn't she stop herself from spitting out the words of resentment that she hadn't even noticed building up? Of course, only Anna could have gotten a reaction out of her like that.

She hadn't ever regretted anything she had done for Anna's benefit. She still didn't. In fact, she'd wanted to shove the words right back into her mouth the moment they came tumbling out. She had done the next best thing: removed herself from the situation before she could say anything else and made things even worse.

Anna hadn't knocked on her door since. There was no doubt that her sister was angry; she had every right to be. When Elsa reflected on the events of the past week she understood that Anna was only doing exactly what Elsa loved her for: trying to make her happy again.

The knife twisted deeper as she thought about what she had said. She'd told Anna that she was a bother. That she was a pain in her side. Elsa closed her eyes and she thought of the pain and distress she would be feeling if their roles were reversed and Anna had said those words to  _her_  instead of the other way around.

Why did she say that? Oh god, why did she have to blindly lash out at her accepting and kind younger sister and thoughtlessly spit out whatever words that came to her mind?

She was falling deeper and deeper into her pit of self-loathing and self-pity when someone knocked on the door. Hope shot through her heart until she realized that her younger sister had already left with Rapunzel. She muttered something dejected and incoherent.

The door opened anyway. It was Gerda, holding a large legal-sized envelope.

"The mistress left on her business trip today. She told me to give you this," Gerda said, offering her the envelope. Catching the platinum blonde's despondent gaze, she added in concern, "Are you okay, dear? Still having an argument with your sister?"

"She hates me. She hates me, Gerda. And why shouldn't she? I said so many horrible things to her because I was so frustrated and tired. She'll never speak to me again," Elsa replied hoarsely, her throat raw from crying.

"Elsa, your sister could never hate you. All you girls need is to discuss your problems calmly. It'll turn out okay, you'll see," the older woman offered her a kind, wrinkly-eyed smile. "When Anna comes back, just talk to her. I'm sure she wants that more than you know."

Elsa took the envelope and nodded slowly. Anna had always been the one to take initiative and make conversation. Maybe it was her turn. She gave Gerda a small smile as the older woman exited the room.

Looking at the envelope, Elsa thought to herself,  _if it's more college applications, I swear to god—_

Her hand reached inside and swept over something solid. Something square, attached to a keychain. Pulling it out, she realized it was a set of car keys. Confused, she stared at them for a second before realizing that her birthday was tomorrow and she would be legally permitted to drive without adult supervision. Her mother was giving her a car for her birthday? She pulled out a rigid square of paper that had a rushed scribble on it.  _You will find your new Mercedes-Benz S 65 AMG in the garage. I expect you to drive yourself and your sister to school come January._ Well, that explained it.

Her thoughts screeched to a halt as she pulled out the longer sheet of paper that was inside the envelope. The writing was her father's, printed on the company letterhead. Heart pounding, she slowly read his words.

_Elsa,_

_How are you? I expect you'll be sixteen by the time you're reading this message. It's time to explain to you the things I couldn't say when before my death six years ago._

_I hope life has treated you well. Knowing your mother, she'll be burying herself in work after my death. She will neglect you and your sister, just as I've asked. You may be wondering why we are raising the two of you so harshly. It's something I've wondered, myself, many times, in my childhood. 'Why is my father beating me? I did almost perfect on that exam'._

She flinched.

 _When you enter the real world, Elsa, there is only perfect and not perfect. No one is going to care you_ almost _sealed the merger, or that you_ almost _signed the contract. Either you did, or you didn't. I have been trying to teach you to fear imperfection your entire life, for one reason, Elsa. One mistake, even one, could cost you dearly. In two more years, you will come of age, and enter the business world. You will have to be cold, calculating, uncaring, cunning, so your partners and shareholders do not see your weakness and consider overthrowing you. Emotions like love, any kind of love, love for your sister, love for doing the 'right thing', will only prove to be obstructions. The sooner you realize that, the better._

_Do you like your new car? The S-Class Mercedes-Benz has always been my favourite model when I was younger. Your car represents in part, who you are, Elsa. I picked your first one for you so you know what I expect of you at your age. I expect your next car to be a Porsche, or who knows, maybe they'll come up with something even better by the time you're reading this._

_One more thing is of concern to me. And that is your sister, Anna. Even when she was little I could tell that she would be grow up to be a compassionate, caring, young woman. I neglected her when she was younger because you were the heir. But when I tried to change her, it was too late. Of course, I did not use the same mode of conditioning as I had with you. No matter whom I sent to teach her, she would always overcome them with her warmth. Your sister is a blessing, or she is a curse, but whichever she is, she is yours to deal with. I can only warn you: her optimism and willingness to see the best in people can and will be used against her in the future, and indirectly, will be used against you. It is too late for me to change her, so that job now lies to you. It is your decision._

_Happy Birthday,_

_Josef Arendelle_

On the bottom of the letter was a brand-new Platinum MasterCard.

Unsure of what exactly she should be feeling, Elsa sat down on the edge of her bed, knees as weak as they would have been if he were standing in front of her. Her head was a jumble of resentment, understanding, pity, bitterness, hatred, and last of all, anger.

Before she could sort out her emotions, her phone vibrated from her desk. Startled, she grabbed it and answered. "Hello?"

"Is this Elsa Arendelle?" Sounded a female voice from the other end.

"Yes, who is this?"

"I'm Linda calling from Southern Isles Jewelers. Your order is ready for pick-up. It will be held here for a week. Please bring your order confirmation slip and the rest of the payment."

It took Elsa a moment to realize the woman was talking about the necklace she'd ordered as Anna's Christmas present. "Yes, I understand. Thank you. Goodbye."

She hung up, her thoughts even more disorganized as she thought about her father's letter and Anna.

* * *

"Punzey, this is the best! Thanks for bringin' me here," Anna slurred loudly as she slumped against her friend's side, taking another chug of beer.

"Hehe, I know right? Eugene, you're a real sweetheart," Rapunzel, equally inebriated, leaned toward her boyfriend and planted a kiss on his surprised lips.

"Alrighttt!" Merida raised her bottle. "To the holidays!"

"To the holidays!" The group chimed.

Loud music blared throughout the house, drowning out all the reservations in Anna's mind. She didn't want to be careful today; she just wanted to let go. And she was feeling happier than she had in the past week. Crawling over to Kristoff, who was seated nervously beside her, she pulled him into a drunken hug.

"Thanks for calling me, Kersatawrf," she said as she snuggled into him, breathing in the scent of smoke and alcohol on his clothes.

The blonde boy gulped. The booze coursing through his blood made him brave. "Yeah, no problem, Anna. I… I really like you, you know?"

"I like you too," she replied groggily. That seemed to ease his tension and he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her.

Anna wasn't sure what prompted her to hug him. Maybe it was his blonde hair that reminded her painfully of  _someone_. Maybe it was just being deprived of affection for so long by her sister that she desperately wanted to be needed.

"Hey guys, we havin' fun?" An unfamiliar voice yelled over the music. Anna looked up to see Henry Falk, and his brother Hans. She immediately jumped, although the alcohol made her a bit unstable on her feet.

"Hey, it's Anna, right? Where's your whore of a sister?" Hans jeered. "I still need to get her back for that little stunt she pulled!"

Untangling herself from Kristoff, she suddenly wished she were sober. Hearing the older boy disrespect Elsa again made her dizzy with anger. Flinging herself at him in a fit of frenzy, she aimed to punch his face, but she felt herself being slammed aside instead.

Hans was older than her, bigger, and despite being slightly intoxicated himself, he was still stronger. "Don't think you can use the same trick you pulled on my little brother, bitch!" he spat in her face.

"Hey! Get off her!" Kristoff yelled as he grabbed Hans' shoulder and tried to pull him off Anna, but Henry Falk intercepted him and knocked him off balance with a right hook to the face.

"Don't touch my friend!" Eugene threw himself at Henry, growling.

Suddenly the room exploded in a brawl of drunken frenzy, insults and curses. Anna wasn't sure where she was anymore, the loud music and alcohol was making the room spin. All she knew was that she was angry, and she wanted to hit someone. With a tipsy Rapunzel helping her to her feet she looked around wildly for Hans. He and his brother were facing off against Eugene and Kristoff in a tangle of limbs and blood. She felt Rapunzel tug feebly on her as she stumbled over and went to join Merida, who was preparing to jump into the tussle. The two fiery redheads managed to pull Hans off Kristoff, but the bigger man shoved them aside easily. He wasn't a football hero for nothing.

Anna was prepared to launch herself at him again when she heard the music stop and a shrill whistle cut through the air.

It was Adam, Eugene's friend. "Guys! Come on, this is a party! We settle our disagreements with drinking!"

Hans wiped the blood from his lip, grunted, and jabbed a finger at Anna, challenging her with a sneer. "Alright, little bitch, if you can stomach as many Jager bombs as me without hurling I'll eat my words about your sister."

"You're on!" she retorted, her bravado fueled by alcohol and anger.

"Show him, Anna!" Rapunzel cheered.

"Go fer it!" Merida yelled.

"Anna, don't do it, it's not a good idea!" Aurora pleaded, but Anna just ignored her. Out of all of them, Aurora was the only one who hadn't had any drinks. No one noticed her slipping through the crowd that had gathered and rummaging through Anna's bag.

* * *

Elsa looked out the window for the umpteenth time today, searching the night for any sign of the headlights that would have heralded Anna's return, seriously concerned about where her little sister was now. It was past midnight; she should have been home hours ago. She paced back and forth across her room, rubbing her arms nervously as she racked her brain for a reason Anna wasn't home yet.

_Did she get into an accident on the way home?_

_What if she was kidnapped?_

_Maybe she's lost?_

_Is she so angry with me that she doesn't even want to come home?_

_Where the_ hell _did she go?_

She was futilely fighting the urge to push aside her pride and call her sister when her phone buzzed. The caller ID said it was Anna. Immediately she picked up and yelled, "Anna? Where the hell are you? Why aren't you home yet?"

"Elsa," breathed a voice on the other end, barely audible above shouting and music.

Elsa furrowed her brows. It wasn't Anna's voice.

"It's Aurora," the voice explained.

"Aurora," she said calmly, trying to keep her mind from making up reasons Anna wasn't on the other end, "Where's Anna?"

"We're at a party, and Anna got into a bet with Hans. If she can match his shots, he'll take back what he said about you. Anyway, you need to get over right away."

"Give me the address, Aurora, I'll be right there."

Elsa pulled on her jacket, grabbed her car keys and sprinted to the garage. After a minute of frantically pressing the unlock button on her keys to identify which of her family's collection of fancy cars was hers, she finally found the silver Benz. Opening the garage door and starting the engine at the same time, she floored the accelerator, brand new tires skidding and marking the garage floor, and raced down the long road to the city as fast as she possibly could.

* * *

The crowd roared and cheered as Anna downed another shot of Jagermeister and Redbull. Slamming the shot glass down on the counter, she glared pointedly at Hans, who effortlessly drained his own.

Adam poured them each another shot, "Here's to your sixth, guys."

Grinning arrogantly, Hans drained his again, and Anna followed suit, fighting the urge to throw up. Her vision was getting blurry, and she was feeling very light headed.

Adam proceeded to pour them each another shot, and paused when the shrill of tires skidding down the street cut through the music playing in the background.

* * *

Aurora was anxiously waiting for Elsa in the driveway. When the platinum blonde stepped out of the car, Aurora ran to greet her.

Elsa was livid, her glacial eyes burning with cold fury, "Where is she?"

"She's inside," Aurora said, shrinking back from the intensity of Elsa's anger.

Before she could open the front door, Elsa kicked it open violently, the sound of cracking wood attracting the attention of everyone in the house.

Anna's heart leapt as she made out the sight of her older sister in the doorway. Had Elsa always been so… dazzling? Her thoughts were a slur of confusion as the apprehension from the argument they had returned.

Elsa wrinkled her nose at the smell of alcohol, vomit, and marijuana, and ignored the pulsing dubstep still playing in the background.

"Hey! You can't come barging in here!" Adam cried, pointing at the door, "You're gonna have to pay for that!"

Elsa threw a wad of cash in his face to shut him up. The crowd parted silently, uneasy, and Elsa walked calmly over to Anna, grabbed her sister's hand and viciously tugged her away from the counter.

Hans opened his mouth to jeer at her, but he doubled over and vomited on the floor.

"Aha! I win! Eat your words!" Anna started laughing uncontrollably. Her glee was abruptly cut off when she too doubled over and threw up on the floor. Elsa tugged on her again.

"We're leaving, Anna." She said in a cold voice.

"No! Get away from me! I don't want to make you sacrifice stuff for me," Anna yelled in a drunken stupor. Tears started spilling from her eyes, "I don't want to be a pain in your side anymore."

She lost her footing and almost fell over until her older sister caught her. The last thing she saw was Elsa looking at her, eyes full of regret and concern… and barely concealed rage.

The alcohol removed her inhibitions, "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears streaming down her face, voice almost inaudible.

And then everything was black.


	12. Drunk Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: ... Incest

Elsa caught her limp sister in her arms and looked at Aurora. "Could you grab Anna's stuff? Rapunzel, Merida, let's go." She said the last line with a voice that did not concede defiance.

Adam blocked her way. "You ruined my party," he accused her.

"I'll ruin a lot more than that if you don't get out of my way," Elsa snarled. "I could get you thrown in prison for serving alcohol to minors." With that, she strode around his shocked form and out the door.

Rapunzel glanced sheepishly at Eugene, who nodded at her to go on. "I'll take Kristoff home later," he said.

The girls obediently followed the platinum blonde out of the house. Elsa strapped Anna's semi-unconscious form in the front seat. She waited for the girls to pile into the backseat before handing them each a bottle of water and setting off.

The girls sat in uncomfortable silence as the alcohol slowly wore off. Merida finally couldn't take it anymore and blurted, "Elsa, please don't be mad at Anna. She was just defending you."

"Like she always does," Rapunzel added resentfully. "Do you have any idea how depressed she's been?"

"I'm not mad at Anna," was Elsa's only response. And then, a sigh, "How depressed?"

"Whenever she smiled, there would always be a shadow in her eyes. With Anna, it's not hard to tell when her smiles are genuine," Rapunzel answered warily.

"Guys, stop making it out to be Elsa's fault," Aurora interrupted, "we don't even know the whole story."

"Sorry," Rapunzel and Merida said in unison.

"Thanks for your concern. I'll sort things out with Anna." Elsa pulled in to the driveway of Rapunzel's place. Rapunzel muttered a quick thank you, and ran to her door.

After dropping off both Merida and Aurora, Elsa headed for home. After pulling into the garage, she unbuckled Anna's seatbelt and shook her by the shoulder. "Anna, Anna, wake up. We're home."

Anna groaned in response.

Elsa uncapped a bottle of water. "Here, can you drink this for me?"

She could tell Anna was trying. But the younger girl could barely keep her head propped up long enough to drink from the bottle.

"Anna, hey, I'm going to move you now, okay? Let's try and make it to your room."

Anna gave her what looked like half a nod and Elsa wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her out of the car.

Her inebriated sister was muttering something incoherent. Elsa dipped her head closer to Anna's mouth. "Did you say something?"

"I'm sorry, Elsa," she cried uncontrollably, words tumbling out as slurs, as tears started pouring from her eyes again. "I'm so sorry, I don't understand anything, and I'm sorry you won't tell me. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." Anna's arms were around her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Don't be mad at me… don't…"

"Hush," Elsa whispered, her arm gripping tighter around Anna's waist, helping her upstairs. She was surprised at how slight her little sister was, despite being a goalkeeper in soccer. Her thoughts were interrupted when Anna burst into hysterical sobs again. She made a mental note to herself to never give her alcohol again. She dipped her head and pressed a calming kiss to Anna's forehead, another one to her nose, and one more on the cheek.

She had meant it to be a quick peck, like the ones they'd shared as kids before bedtime. And so she didn't expect Anna's arms to lock firmly around her neck to keep her from moving, her mouth finding Anna's instead.

So surprised that she almost dropped her sister, Elsa felt Anna's lips move desperately against hers, and an unyielding tongue press against her lower lip, forcing its way into her mouth. Elsa could taste the alcohol and tears on her little sister's tongue, and feebly tried to pull away, but to no avail. She wasn't sure what she was feeling; her heart was racing and she was fighting an unfamiliar (albeit strong) desire to deepen the kiss, to press her own tongue against her sister's soft lips.

Before she could, though, Anna pulled away abruptly and wriggled weakly in her arms. "I feel sick," she slurred groggily, which shook Elsa from her daze.

After half carrying, half dragging her flushed (from the alcohol or the kiss) little sister to the nearest bathroom, which was through Elsa's own room, she ended up rubbing Anna's back soothingly as the latter emptied her stomach contents into the toilet. When she was finished, she curled up on the floor, half asleep.

She was going to catch a cold sleeping on the cool bathroom floor. Elsa sighed, and once again tugged her up and half dragged her to the bed. Deciding it was too much of a bother to lug the unconscious girl to her own room, she let Anna sprawl out on her bed and tucked the covers around her.

Crawling in beside her, Elsa stared at the peaceful face of Anna's sleeping form, and couldn't help but feel another wave of guilt at the prospect that her sister had vehemently defended her yet  _again_ , despite their vicious argument only two days before. The feelings were immediately deterred, however, as the memory of the—unnatural, for lack of a better word—kiss they shared came flooding back to her, and she felt her face get warm. Did she really just lose her first kiss to her younger sister? Surprisingly, she had no qualms about it.

Disturbed by her lack of disgust, she felt another wave of electricity surge through her as Anna buried herself closer to her side. She draped an arm over her eyes, too worn to sort out her feelings, and decided to leave it all to tomorrow.

It was just a drunken kiss, she told herself. Anna probably thought she was kissing someone else.

The thought was supposed to make her feel better, but for some reason, it didn't.

* * *

Anna turned over to avoid the single ray of light shining through the gap in the curtains. Her head was killing her, and the taste in her mouth was terrible. Bringing her hands up to cover her face and block out the spinning room, she tried to recall the events of last night.

She remembered feeling really happy after a couple bottles of beer, forgetting all about her argument with Elsa. She vaguely remembered the voices of Hans and Henry, and  _really_  wanting to punch their faces in. She remembered the taste of the first couple shots of Jagermeister, and throwing up on the floor, and  _oh god_ , Elsa standing like an angry goddess in the doorway of Adam's house, burning with a rage that was practically visible.

_What was I doing?_ She groaned.  _I probably completely embarrassed Elsa and the name of Arendelle last night, and mom's probably going to kill me, if Elsa doesn't kill me first._

She recalled yelling things at Elsa when her older sister tried to tug her away from her bet with Hans… What did she say? Fighting the pounding in her head, she tried futilely to remember.  _Did Elsa drive me home?_  And then she remembered vomiting in the bathroom when she got home and falling asleep on the floor.  _How did I end up in a bed?_

The creak of the door interrupted her attempts at recollection. Turning her head and opening one day, she made out her older sister's silhouette in the darkness. As the girl neared, Anna caught the scent of wind and rain mixed in with her sister's fresh and sweet perfume.

"Hey," Elsa whispered, sitting on the bed.

The room was still dark, and Anna couldn't make out what kind of expression her sister had on. "Hi," she replied meekly. "What are you doing here?"

The blonde laughed softly. How Anna missed that sound, like the tinkle of a wind chime. "This is my room."

She took notice of the furniture in the room for the first time, and realized it was indeed her sister's room. Hiding her face under the covers in embarrassment, she murmured, "Oh."

That earned her another chuckle. "How are you feeling?"

Elsa's mildness surprised her. She had already prepared herself for the verbal discipline that her actions last night warranted. Not entirely believing her sister's lack of ire, she admitted quietly, "I have a headache," hoping it would put off whatever punishment Elsa had in store for her and earn her some pity.

A hand was stroking the top of her head, coaxing her out from under the covers. In Elsa's other hand was a glass of water. She sat up slowly, obediently accepting the offer, and drained the glass, not realizing how thirsty she was until the cool liquid touched her dry lips. She snuck a glance from behind the glass. The room was a bit brighter now, and she could make out the delicate features of her sister's face. Elsa's perfect complexion still betrayed no signs of anger, but she did always have a flawless poker face.

Certain that the ball was going to drop at any moment, Anna decided not to push her luck by asking what happened last night, and waited for the older girl to speak instead.

Her empty stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. Her face turned red and she slowly sank back under the covers, wishing the bed would just swallow her.

Elsa brought a hand up to her lips to hide her amusement. "Gerda's making breakfast; just hold on."

"I'm sorry," came a small response from under the covers. "Please don't kill me."

Anna didn't specify what she was sorry for, but one could easily guess. Elsa sighed, and slowly pulled down the blankets to reveal her younger sister's chagrinned expression. "We'll talk about that later. You don't need to act like I'm going to kill you at a moment's notice. For now, you're going to take a shower and meet me downstairs for breakfast. There's a change of clothes in the bathroom."

"Y-you're not mad?"

"I didn't say that."

And she was gone, leaving Anna to slide back underneath the covers, her heart sinking. So, Elsa  _was_  mad, and probably for more things than she could count. She didn't even remember what she said last night, but she was sure they were insults or nasty things that she herself probably wouldn't mind never hearing. And her outburst two days ago still warranted disciplinary action. Groaning, she pulled herself off the bed slowly, and wandered over to the washroom, noting the clothes already set out for her on the counter.

As she turned on the water in the shower, she realized with a start that today was Elsa's birthday. She mentally kicked herself.  _I bet she totally wanted to spend her birthday dragging your drunk ass home and then taking care of you while you had a hangover for the rest of the day._  She was so regretful of her actions that she decided the next moment she saw Elsa she was going to throw herself at her sister's feet and beg for forgiveness.

When she was finished, she felt a little better. The dizziness had dissipated and her headache was reduced to a dull throb. She quickly got dressed and after a quick stop in her room, ran downstairs, not bothering to braid her wet hair.

To her surprise, the long dining table in the middle of the dining hall was empty. She heard someone clearing her voice behind her. Turning, she realized it was Gerda, who pointed to one of the other dining rooms down the hall. Curiously, she entered the room and was greeted with the delicious scent of eggs, toast, ham, bacon, and fruit. The table in this room was smaller, much smaller, meant for four people, and never used. Elsa was waiting for her in one of the mahogany seats, her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder in an ever-perfect braid.

_I bet she'd_ still _look perfect if_ she _were hungover and had been vomiting into a toilet all night._

Anna tentatively took the seat across from her, trying to fight the urge to bury her face in the food.

Elsa noticed. "Eat," she commanded in an even voice, not revealing a shred of emotion.

Anna didn't need any greater incentive as she dug into the feast before her. After devouring the eggs and ham, and starting on the toast, she noticed that her sister was only watching her with wary eyes. Taking a sip of orange juice to slow down, she asked hesitantly, "You're not eating?"

"I ate already," came the curt reply.

_She really is angry_. Before she knew what she was doing, she slammed her head onto the tablecloth, and blurted, "I'm sorry, Elsa! I shouldn't have said those things to you! Both last night and two days ago! I'm really bad with expressing how I feel, and I'm sorry I offended you! I know you're under a lot of pressure and you work really hard and you could do without me causing more trouble for you—I'm just—I mean, I—I'm just really sorry!" Tears were already spilling from her eyes, wetting the tablecloth.

Soft, cool hands lifted her face, until her eyes met with pale blue ones. Elsa had skirted around the table and was kneeling beside her.

"Anna, stop," Elsa murmured, still cupping her face with one hand, thumbs wiping at the tears. "You don't need to apologize. We were both at fault for what happened. I just want you to feel better, so we can talk properly. If my presence here is making you uncomfortable, I'll wait for you somewhere else."

"No, it's okay—I'm done," Anna said hurriedly, stuffing the last of her toast in her mouth. "Let's talk."

Elsa awarded her with a dubious raise of her eyebrow, but sighed and returned to her seat. "Okay, first of all, all of this started when you found out that I impersonated a stranger and befriended you on Skype. I'm sorry about that; I should have told you."

Anna nodded. "I'm over that. I wasn't really angry to begin with, I guess I just didn't like finding out that I'd been fooled. But I get that you did it for me, so… let's just forget about it. What I don't get is…" she took a deep breath, "What I don't get is why you threw me out instead of just talking to me… 'cause you're usually the calm one—or did you really just not want to deal with me?"

Elsa looked down at her empty plate and Anna watched as her jaw locked. She took a deep breath. "You mentioned father and our… private lessons." She shut her eyes as if the very memory of him was painful, "He pushed me. Very hard. Everything had to be perfect. He would… get mad at me if I made a mistake, even one. I don't have many fond memories of him, so when you talked about him… I guess I just… snapped."

Anna realized how hard it must have been for Elsa to tell her this, judging from the way her sister was close to ripping the tablecloth with her clenched fist. "I'm so sorry, Elsa, I didn't know…" she began.

Her sister put up a hand to stop her. "You couldn't have; it's not your fault."

An awkward silence descended over the table.

"So… you couldn't look at me all week because it reminded you of what I said?"

The blonde nodded slowly, silently grateful she didn't need to explain it herself. "Mother is making me graduate early," Anna's eyes widened, and then nodded, as if she expected the news, "and apply for a bunch of universities, which is why I've been so busy this month. I guess you just picked the wrong day to yell at me. I wasn't feeling the most courteous that day. I didn't mean it, Anna, when I said you were a bother." Managing a small smile, she added, "It's the opposite, actually. I enjoy listening to you talk."

Her words melted the tension between them. Anna's face lit up at her honesty, "Do you really? I thought maybe… maybe you got annoyed at me for bothering you every time you were supposed to be working."

"God, no, Anna. If you spent ninety percent of your waking hours doing boring work and studying like me then you'd know how enjoyable your chatter is," Elsa smiled.

Suddenly her little sister was on her lap, arms around her neck, pulling her into a tight hug, burying her ginger head in the crook of Elsa's neck. Elsa didn't comment about how similar this feeling was to last night's when she was helping Anna back to her room. As she wrapped her arms around her little sister, memories of the kiss flooded back to her, and she hid her flushed face in the redhead's drying hair. She couldn't help but ask, "So do you remember anything about last night?"

"Like what?" Anna breathed, her breath tickling the skin of her neck.

Elsa almost shivered from the sensation, "Like after I brought you home."

"I remember throwing up."

"Before that?"

"What did I do? Oh, god, please tell me I didn't say something stupid again," Anna pulled back, her arms still around her sister's neck, looking nervous and apologetic.

"No! No! I accidentally slipped and you hit your head; so I was just wondering if you were okay," Elsa lied quickly.

"Oh. Well, I'm not feeling any dumber than usual, so I guess I'm okay," Anna beamed at her, hopping off to pick at the fruit on the table. She stared pleadingly at her sister.

"—What? Oh," Elsa smirked. "You want chocolate, don't you?"

Giving off her infamous puppy dog eyes, Anna nodded. Elsa shook her head teasingly, and rearranged the three plates of fruit. Underneath them was a Hershey's chocolate bar. Almost squealing with delight, Anna grabbed the bar and began ripping off the plastic, ready to stuff herself when Elsa stopped her.

"Nuh-uh. You're going to take these pills first before you eat that chocolate."

"What are these for?"

"They're vitamin supplements; they'll help you get over your hangover."

"Oh… when did you suddenly become the expert on hangovers?" Anna teased as she swallowed the pills with a swig of water.

"I Googled it," Elsa said matter-of-factly, which caused Anna to almost spit out her water.

The thought of Elsa Googling anything was hilarious; the blonde was a walking encyclopedia herself. Anna was almost on the ground with laughter before her sister's indignant stare brought her back down to earth.

"Wait, are you not angry that I went out and got drunk?"

Elsa looked thoughtful. "Well, that was  _very_  irresponsible of you… but Mother's not here and you rarely get to have fun. Just don't do it again. You're not going to touch alcohol again until you're nineteen."

"Ugh, I've had enough alcohol to last me a lifetime. Oh! I almost forgot!" Anna dug her hands into her pockets and fished out a cell phone charm. Two, actually. "Happy birthday and Merry early Christmas!" Anna always gave Elsa her birthday presents in conjunction with her Christmas presents, because the two dates were so close together.

Elsa eyed the two charms suspiciously, "Why exactly am I getting baby Scar and baby Mufasa?"

"You're getting baby Mufasa, and I'm getting baby Scar," Anna corrected, grabbing Elsa's phone and fixing the little Mufasa on it, and then putting Scar on her own. "I had these custom made. You should have seen how hard the lady at the store judged me. Anyway, it's a memento for the day I got my sister back! And also because I happen to think baby Scar loves baby Mufasa."

Elsa shook her head again and tried to bite back a smile. "Okay, but I swear, Anna, if one day you fling me from a cliff…"

"Come on! I remember we have a whole library of new movies that we haven't even touched yet!"

* * *

The two girls spent all of Christmas Eve and Christmas enjoying each other's company, watching movies, and causing mischief around the house.

They were starting a new movie, when Elsa remembered that she had a present to give Anna.

"Here," she said, handing her sister a pink box.

"What's this?" Anna said curiously.

"Merry Christmas. Open it."

Cracking open the small box, Anna found a crystal snowman with an oblong head, almost square torso, and round rectangular bottom, shining back at her. He was smiling at her, his bucktoothed grin just as goofy as she remembered, the buttons on his torso and his stick arms a shiny onyx. Her sister had given her Olaf! Laughing to herself, she said, "Oh, I love it! Thank you, Elsa!"

"I built you a snowman to make up for all the times I said no. And every time you're lonely, just look at this," Elsa smiled.  _Because I won't be seeing you as often next year._

"Why would I be lonely? Because you're graduating early? We'll still see each other, right?"

"I… I think Mother wants me to go to Oxford for college," she admitted.  _Maybe it's good to get some distance between us. Since... I seem to be having issues with certain feelings._

"What!" Anna sputtered, "But that's so far! Can't you stay here?"

Elsa gave her a tight smile, "Well, they haven't sent out acceptance letters yet, so, you never know…"

But they both knew.

* * *

When Elsa received her acceptance to Oxford, it came as no surprise. After it was confirmed that was where she was going next year, she and Anna spent every possible moment together, to cherish what little time they had left together.

Little did they know, they would not see each other again for three years.


	13. Ups and Downs

" _Elsa."_

" _Yes?"_

" _I love you."_

_And Elsa's lips were suddenly on hers, releasing years of repressed desire and forbidden love. She reciprocated eagerly, pouring in all her own feelings, weaving her hands through her sister's gorgeous platinum blonde hair. She felt Elsa's soft lips coax hers open, and suddenly the sweet taste of chocolate and strawberries filled her mouth. She moaned into the kiss, pressing her body flush against her older sister's slender form, relishing in every inch of skin where they were touching._

_Cool hands brushed the exposed skin of her hips, leaving a longing burn in their wake, pulling her ever closer, and she responded by running her own under the hem of Elsa's shirt, higher and higher, until—_

Anna woke with a start. And turned bright red under the covers when she realized exactly what she had been dreaming about.  _I must miss her more than I thought. Or maybe Kristoff doesn't kiss me enough._

_God, I miss her so much._

She swiftly hopped off her bed as soon as it dawned on her that Elsa's flight would be arriving today—Elsa would be returning today!—all but sprinting to the shower and eager to the end of her day.

It was May, and Elsa had graduated from the University of Oxford a year early, with a PPE (Philosophy, Politics, and Economics) degree. Of course, her premature graduation had cost her summer vacations; she couldn't return to see Anna because of summer courses, so they had literally been separated for three years. Apart from the short Skype video calls they occasionally had between the time difference, Anna had only a faint idea of how Elsa was faring so far from home.

She had practically begged Elsa to come back before her high school graduation; the latter had intended to stay in the UK for an internship, but Anna had vehemently insisted that she return, her entreaties so persistent that even their mother had acquiesced reluctantly. Anything to get Elsa home as soon as possible.

Flushing again at the memory of her dream, which had been a recurring one ever since Elsa had left, she turned on the shower and tried to convince herself it was just because she missed her.

Waving goodbye to her chauffeur, she bounced joyfully through the doors of Arendelle High, and right into the arms of her boyfriend, Kristoff. She and Kristoff had been dating for almost a year now, both deciding to take things slow after his drunken confession and her drunken reciprocation. But he was good to her, funny and charming and a little goofy, and spending time with him almost kept her mind off her absent sister and the hole in her heart.

She threw her arms around him and gave him a long kiss. "Woah, woah! You're more excited than usual. Must be 'cause Elsa's coming back today?" He asked her, grinning as she pulled away.

"Yuh-huh. I can't wait to get this day over with. Her flight lands at four!" Fingering the necklace of Olaf that she always wore around her neck, she swore this day couldn't go by fast enough.

* * *

"Only two more hours till our flight lands!"

"Yeah," Elsa agreed, eyes still on the shopping catalogue in front of her.

"Oh, come on, Elsa, you already got her something.  _Three_  somethings."

Elsa looked up at Ariel, taking in her vibrant red hair and sea-green eyes. "This is my little sister we're talking about. Three  _hundred_  somethings wouldn't be enough to express how much I've missed her."

"Hmph," Ariel sat back in her seat and crossed her arms.

"Why, Ariel, are you jealous?"

"Maybe a little. Maybe you should cheer me up."

"Would you like a something, too?" Elsa laughed, melting her friend's mock discontent.

"Bet you never expected that you'd be bringing me home three years ago when you were on the way to Britain, huh?"

"Oh yeah. You were definitely unexpected."

_Elsa stepped out of the car and looked up as the chauffeur closed the car door. "Here?" she asked in disbelief as she was shown to her 'dorm'. If you could call it that. Apparently her mother had bought the penthouse of the school dorm as soon as she was accepted here. So much for having a normal college experience. She was so looking forward to having a roommate and friends, too._

_Sighing as the chauffeur pulled her suitcases out of the trunk, she entered the building, called the elevator and rode it to the top floor._

_As she opened the door to the penthouse, however, she was greeted with a strange sight. Clothes were strewn everywhere, the furniture was knocked over, forks and spoons were on the ground, like the place had been ransacked. In the middle of everything stood a girl with bright, long red hair and beautiful blue-green eyes, the colour of the sea._

" _Who the hell are you?" the girl asked incredulously, looking from the chauffeur to Elsa, and back again._

_"I'll… uh… be staying here?" Elsa was just as confused._

" _Ohh… you're the live-in maid! Well, Daddy always said he was gonna get one for me," the girl shrugged. "You're pretty hot for a maid, though."_

" _No… I'm a student." Elsa corrected, slightly irritated. Who was this rude girl? What was she doing in_ her _apartment?_

_At that moment, the phone rang. The red-haired girl scrambled to pick it up. "Hello! Yes, Daddy! Oh. Oh, I see. Okay, bye!" Turning to Elsa, again, her face bright red, she sheepishly held out her hand. "Um... I'm Ariel, your roommate."_

" _My… roommate." Elsa repeated dumbly, ignoring the hand._

" _It's rude to not shake when someone offers!" Ariel huffed, grabbing Elsa's hand and pumping it up and down. She shrugged again. "Apparently my dad and your mom struck some deal and we'll be rooming together. Sweet."_

" _And she didn't bother to tell me. Of course," Elsa sighed, shaking her head._

" _I know how that feels," Ariel replied, "Daddy never asks what I want. All my life I've only done what he wants."_

_Elsa stared up at her, suddenly bewitched by the prospect of someone understanding what she had been through. Was this girl the daughter of some wealthy CEO too? "I'm Elsa," she said finally. "Heir to Arendelle Corp," she ventured, cautiously._

" _Well, Elsa, nice to meet you. Neptune Corp," Ariel explained, pointing to herself._

_Neptune Corp. The company that owned a line of five star luxury cruises. Well, that explains a lot. "I guess our parents wanted us to… build relationships for future ventures."_

" _I guess so," Ariel laughed, her voice like the soft breeze of the sea._

_She had the most beautiful voice._

"This is your captain speaking. We are now beginning our descent into Vancouver. The ambient temperature is about 20 degrees Celsius."

"Well, here we go," Ariel mused.

Elsa and Ariel stepped out of the terminal with their 'bodyguards' taking care of their luggage behind them. Elsa's heart was thumping as she looked around the crowd and saw her ginger-headed little sister almost as quickly as her sister spotted her.

"Elsa!" Anna was racing toward her, arms already outstretched. Elsa felt another tug at her heart, prompting her to mirror the action.

They caught each other midway, burying their faces in each other's hair, just taking in the unfamiliar yet familiar scent of one another.

"Anna, you will not  _believe_  how much I've missed you," Elsa whispered into her sister's neck.

"Probably almost as much as  _I've_  missed  _you_ ," came the obstinacy that Elsa missed so much.

Someone clearing their throat made them pull apart. Realizing it was Ariel, Elsa quickly added, "Anna, this is Ariel, my—er, roommate. Ariel, Anna, my sister."

Anna caught the hesitation in her sister's introduction, but decided not to press it. "Charmed," she said curtly, eyeing Ariel's extended arm.

"God, does no one in your family actually shake hands when they're supposed to?" Ariel asked in mock disbelief, flicking a glance at Elsa as she reached for Anna's arm. Elsa stifled a laugh, one hand covering her mouth.

Anna looked at them, feeling a strange anger at their inside joke, and for the first time she took in the changes in her sister. Their poor-quality video calls over Skype had not done her justice, she decided. Elsa had become more womanly, certain  _parts_  of her more fleshed out, her jeans hugging the curve of her hips,  _and_  she had begun wearing make-up; Anna could just make out faint purple eye shadow that sat above her thick eyelashes, contrasting magnificently against the bright blue glimmer of her irises. Her platinum blonde hair was still in a single braid, hanging loosely over her shoulder, but Elsa was looking more enticing than  _ever_  and before Anna could stop herself, her dream came flooding back to her, and she blushed.  _What are you doing?_ She yelled at herself.  _You were just ogling your_ sister _!_

Before she could embarrass herself, Elsa spoke up, "Well, I am exhausted. What do you say we head on home?"

Anna could only nod, and before she turned to head toward the entrance of the airport she notice  _Ariel_  with one arm hooked around Elsa's. Feeling a surge of anger, or  _something_ , as she watched someone  _else_  touching her big sister, she impulsively grabbed hold of Elsa's other hand. This was  _her_  sister! The handholding and touching should be  _her_  privilege, and hers alone! And whatever else sisterly that they did!

Elsa didn't seem to mind, though, as Anna possessively grabbed her other hand, and gently gave her little sister's hand a reassuring squeeze.

The car ride was, for the most part, quiet. Before Anna could stop herself, she demanded, "So where's Ariel staying? I hear  _The Empress_  has marvelous high tea, or  _The Weston_  if you're big on business—"

"She's staying with us, Anna," Elsa stated matter-of-factly. "We have sixteen bedrooms. We can accommodate her."

_You didn't mention that in your Skype call._ Anna huffed silently. "You never told me you would have a roommate."

That earned her a (frustratingly) simultaneous chuckle from both Elsa and Ariel as they caught each other's glances. "Well," Elsa said, "We didn't know we would have a roommate either. Mother and Ariel's father arranged it behind our backs."

_The way you say it makes it sound like they arranged a marriage behind your backs,_ Anna thought angrily. Why was she so upset? She  _should_  have been relieved that Elsa found a friend in a foreign city, someone to talk to. But try as she might, she could not feel happy about her sister finding someone  _else_  to talk to, someone  _else_  to confide in.

She decided to change the subject. "You're going dress shopping with me tomorrow, right?"

When Elsa gave her a blank stare, Anna clarified, exasperated. "For prom! It's in three weeks! You promised you would help me pick out a dress!"

"Oooh! I love dress shopping! We have to help her, Elsa; prom dresses are a big deal," Ariel chided.

_Who's we? I only asked Elsa!_ Anna was boiling with irritation now.

Elsa shrugged. "Oh, yeah, of course, Anna. I'd love to help you pick out a dress." She smiled. "And Ariel has better taste in fashion than I do; she'll be a great asset."

_I don't care! Ariel could be a world famous fashion designer, and I wouldn't give a rat's ass! I only want_ you _._ If the car hadn't arrived through the gates of Arendelle Manor, causing Elsa and Ariel to look out the windows, they would have seen a red-faced Anna with steam practically blowing out her ears.

"Wow," Ariel breathed, stepping into the grand foyer, "Reminds me of home."

"Well, you better go get washed up, maybe take a nap," Elsa motioned to one of the maids to show Ariel to her room, which was in the other side of the mansion. "See you at dinner!"

_Yes, now get out of here so I can spend time with_ my _sister._ Anna gripped Elsa's hand tighter, and pulled her to the stairs toward their rooms.

"Woah, feisty pants! Slow down. I know you've missed me, but you've got to calm down! It's not like I'm going to disappear in the next minute."

Anna suddenly hugged her. "I know, but I've just—I've really,  _really_ ,  ** _really_**  missed you," she breathed into her sister's hair. And tried to ignore the burning sensation in her heart that was overjoyed at having her sister's body so close to hers.

Elsa was stunned when she felt something wet against her neck. Was Anna  _crying_? "Aww, Silly, I missed you, too. A lot." She felt an ache in her heart at her sister's tears and instinctively wrapped her arms loosely around the redhead's shaking body, rubbing her back soothingly. After a couple seconds, though, the older girl pulled away, looking uncomfortable.

Elsa was biting her lip. "Anna, I  _really_  need to shower. I smell like airplane and sweat and it just feels awkward in general. I'll come find you in a little bit, okay? I really missed you, too." With that, she ran into her room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Elsa let the water wash over her, and ran her hands through her hair, lathering up her shampoo. What had she been thinking?She chastised herself. The moment Anna's body pressed so close against hers, it took all her self-control to not pull her younger sister even closer. She noticed her sister had grown quite a bit since they'd parted ways three years ago. Anna's hair was longer, and she was a little taller; the top of her head now reached Elsa's eyes. The curvature of her waist was more defined, as well as  _other places_. And Anna's  _scent_ —was she wearing perfume now? So alluring, so sweet, something floral mixed with rich vanilla—she smelled just like  _summer_. Everything about her was so attractive. It took all of Elsa's self-control to be able to pull away.

She pressed her forehead against the cool marble wall of the shower. Ever since Anna had kissed her in a drunken daze, she couldn't stop thinking about the feel of her  _little sister's_  lips moving against hers; even at Oxford, scarcely a day went by without her thinking of Anna. She had thought the illicit feelings she had for her sister had weakened or disappeared over the span of three years, but when she saw Anna again at the airport, they seemed to flare up again with an even greater intensity, growing exponentially every time their eyes met.

Ugh, and Ariel. What was she going to tell Ariel? She asked herself, as memories flooded back to her.

" _So, Elsa, you're into girls, huh?" Ariel asked, calmly sipping her coffee across the round wooden table. They were on the patio of a coffee shop, enjoying the afternoon of no classes, watching the hustle and bustle of university life._

" _Excuse me?" Elsa almost spat out her cocoa._

" _You heard me. After a year and a half of living with you, I've never seen you with a guy."_

" _I'm sorry, but, if you haven't noticed, we don't get to go anywhere except here and our house, what with these_ bodyguards _accompanying us everywhere."_

_Ariel laughed, her voice the sound of bells in the wind. "Please. I might not be as smart as you, but I'm not an idiot. I've seen you ogling girls. Redheads, in particular."_

_When Elsa said nothing and just sat there staring awkwardly at the crowd, Ariel leaned forward and asserted, "So, do I fit the bill?"_

" _I beg your pardon?"_

" _Oh, come on, Elsa. I know I'm not the best-looking person in the world, but you could do a whole lot worse than me. Plus, I bet our parents would be thrilled if we were… good friends." She said the last line with a wink._

" _Ariel, I like you, but not like_ that _," Elsa sighed, suddenly very focused on her cup of cocoa._

_Her sound rejection didn't do a thing to deter her friend, it seemed._ " _Fine. Then let's just be friends… with benefits."_

" _What's that?" Elsa looked suspiciously at her._

" _Oh, it's just like what we are now. Except there is the added benefit of sex."_

_Elsa actually spat out her drink this time, staining the light birch table. "You want to have sex with me," she repeated incredulously. "Are you serious?"_

" _Have I ever lied to you?" Ariel gave her a seductive smile, "Why not give it a try?"_

_She sighed again, thinking of her sister. What would Anna say? Would she care? Would she be for it or against it? Then she stopped herself._ Anna doesn't have anything to do with this, _she told herself._

_Why save herself for someone who couldn't love her back?_

_Against her better judgement, she agreed._

She had hoped her relationship with Ariel would help purge her of her unrequited feelings for her sister, but the moment she saw Anna again, it was like something exploded in her heart, and the box containing all the romantic love she had for her broke into a thousand pieces, letting those feelings run amok in her mind.

She felt disgusted. With herself, for using Ariel, for being in love with  _her sister_ , for lying to both of them. She scrubbed her skin with more force than necessary, hoping the sting would bring her to her senses. Sighing again, she turned off the shower and stepped out.

It had helped, for a while. Having sex with Ariel had cleared her mind of Anna, and helped her sleep better. For a while, anyway. But Anna was everywhere she went, in the trees, the birds, the grass, the chocolate, the movies, the bikes, oh, she couldn't help but smile to herself every time she saw a bike, remembering how her little sister would ride her bike through the halls of the manor, breaking all sorts of rules and items.

This feeling was so foreign to her, being in love. She had loved Anna all her life, but this, this  _in love_  thing was so new. She was conscious of every time they touched, every little movement that her little sister made. She couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like, now that her sister was older, if she were to lean in ever so slightly, and kiss her on the lips. She could do it so easily, under the guise of a sisterly gesture. But it was so  _wrong_ ; this was her little sister. The same girl who fought with her over the last piece of chocolate; the same girl who give her a lopsided smile whenever their eyes met; the girl who shared her  _blood_. God, this was so  _wrong._

But every time Elsa looked at her, her bright blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair, her vibrant smile and her lively gait, she would feel an unyielding urge to reach out and touch her, to hold her, to  _kiss_  her. It was wrong, she knew, but it felt so  _right_.

_God dammit, control yourself,_ her mind implored,  _don't mess this up with her again._

* * *

Anna was getting more impatient by the minute. Did Elsa's showers always take so long? Before she could stop herself, she leapt off her bed and went to stand outside Elsa's room, pacing restlessly.

After what seemed like an eternity, her sister opened the door, surprised that Anna was already standing there.

"Hi," Anna said, as the smell of Elsa's sweet shampoo hit her nose. Strawberries and lilac, and  _winter_. Anna didn't know how she pulled it off, but Elsa always managed to smell cool and fresh like snow.  _And I bet she would taste like strawberries too_ , some voice in Anna's head had the gall to assert, turning her cheeks a faint pink.

Elsa didn't seem to notice. "Come in," she smiled.

Anna didn't need a second invitation. Closing the door behind her, she sat down onto Elsa's bed, next to her _._  "So," she began, "about  _Ariel_."

"Really? Three years, and you want to talk about my roommate?"

Anna pouted, "You never told me you had one!"

"We didn't exactly talk much the last three years," Elsa reminded her. "I wanted to spend the time talking about more important things. Like where you're going for college."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? I got accepted to Arendelle University!" Anna beamed at her, "I mean, I know it can't compete with Oxford, but our family did found it, so it can't be  _horrible_. After all, I figured I'd come work for you or something if stuff doesn't work out."

Elsa laughed. "Work for me as what?"

"I dunno, maybe your PA?" Anna teased, "Then I would know exactly what was going on in your day and if you were lying when you tell me you're busy."

"Oh, I can't imagine the horrors in the office if you were my PA," Elsa replied playfully. "Seriously, though, congratulations on getting accepted! Have you decided what you wanted to do?"

"I was thinking about art—more like, graphic design, actually," Anna admitted. "I really like using Photoshop and InDesign. I was co-editor of the yearbook this year!"

Elsa's eyes widened, "You never told me that! Oh, you have to show me this yearbook. Wow, Anna. I mean, that's amazing! I'm glad you found something you like doing."

"When it comes out in June, I'll show you, and no earlier!" Anna stuck out her tongue. "So, are you going to be working for Mom this summer, then?"

"Most likely taking over some of her responsibilities. I mean, she put me in charge of the European branch when I turned eighteen, but admittedly, our North American company is a lot bigger. I think I'll be staying here, though. Mother can take care of the Europeans without me," she chuckled, "I like being here more, but she's already swamping me with work. I have to be in the office on Sunday."

"That sucks. I was hoping we'd have more time together. Oh well, at least we're dress shopping tomorrow!"

"Oh, yes, what colour is Kristoff going to be wearing?"

"Kristoff? What does this have to do with Kristoff?"

"Your dress, Silly! It has to match his suit, of course!"

Anna burst out laughing, "Goofy old Kristoff? He'll probably be wearing some maroon-coloured hand-me-down from one of his cousins! I would be screwed if I had to match his suit!"

Elsa shook her head in disbelief. "Aren't you going as his date?"

"Well, yeah, I guess, since I'm his girlfriend and all."

Elsa closed her eyes. "Do you love him?" she asked nonchalantly, suddenly serious, her eyes a chilling cobalt when she opened them.

Anna looked at her curiously. Elsa's mask was back, that damn mask that hid all of her emotions. "Yeah, of course," she replied tentatively, testing the way her response felt on her tongue. "He's good to me. He makes me laugh." That was a lie. She had only agreed to date him because he kept her mind from missing Elsa _._ She shouldn't have been using him _._ She shouldn't be leading him on; he deserved more than that _. You monster._

"Are you happy?"

_Now that you're back, I am._

Before she could respond, Elsa spoke again, still emotionless. "With him?"

Anna squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the voices that were yelling at her not to lie.

"Yeah. I am," she lied.


	14. Conceal, Don't Feel

Anna's hand flicked to her ears for the fifth time this morning and ran her fingers over the intricate patterns of crystal that sat on her ears. Elsa had given her a present last night, before bed, for the first birthday that she missed. It was so unexpected, but it made Anna so happy. When she opened the small box, her eyes fell on a pair of crystal  _snowflakes_ , adorned with diamonds. She had almost squealed with excitement.

"It's  _my_  snowflake," Elsa had announced, with a rare look of pride. "I designed the pattern."

Of course, Anna loved them. She loved how her sister always gave her gifts that she designed herself. A part of that was the reason she got into graphic design; it gave her the ability to share what she imagined, to understand how Elsa felt when sharing something that was creative and original. She loved them, because they were unique; she had the one-of-a-kind copy; Elsa hadn't given these to  _Ariel_. She loved them, because they were like Elsa's  _mark_  on her; it felt like they were something that symbolized (kind of) how she  _belonged_  to Elsa. _Wait, what?_ She was pacing back and forth outside of Elsa's room again, the thoughts of her behaviour and reaction toward Ariel the day before flooding back to her. She should be happy, shouldn't she? She should have been happy that her sister finally found a friend. She should have been encouraging Elsa to make new friends and connections; she had been isolated for so long. Elsa  _deserved_  it.

For some unfathomable reason, she couldn't help but feel anger boil up from the depths of her stomach whenever she saw Ariel smiling at Elsa and Elsa smiling back politely.

"Sorry for the wait, Anna! I'm done," Elsa said, stepping out of her room.

Anna turned, only to end up gawking at the goddess standing before her. Elsa was wearing white skinny jeans that accentuated the soft curve of her hips, stopping at her ankles where they met ice blue heels. She had on a light blue blouse, with nothing but a thin white tank top underneath, exposing the pale, smooth skin of her neck and collarbone. And  _damn_ , Elsa was wearing that smoky silvery-purple eye shadow again, above her thick, full eyelashes, as if the rest of her outfit didn't complement the beautiful blue of her eyes enough. Her hair, as always, was in a loose braid, hanging lazily over her shoulder, inlaid with sparkling snowflake diamonds.

If Ariel hadn't called impatiently from the grand foyer at that moment, Elsa would have caught Anna staring at her, mouth agape, face flushed.

Elsa was already halfway down the steps of the main staircase when she realized Anna was still standing in front of her room. "Anna? What's wrong?" she called down the hallway.

_Nothing, except for the fact that you look like a freakin' Greek goddess that hopped out of my history textbook. No, scratch that, you'd make even Aphrodite crawl away in shame._ "N-nothing! Coming!" Anna said quickly and ran to catch up.

"What happened to the driver?" Ariel asked curiously.

"I told him he could take a break today. I wanted to drive. It makes me feel freer," Elsa replied as they stepped into the garage. She pressed the unlock button on her keys and her silver Benz beeped obediently in response.

Anna and Ariel stared awkwardly at each other, having a silent battle with their eyes about who would get into the front passenger seat. After a moment, Ariel shrugged and opened the door to the backseat.  _That's right, she's_ my _sister._ Smugly, Anna slid in beside Elsa, who was already starting up the engine, oblivious to the conflict that had just ensued.

Elsa adjusted her rearview mirror as they sped down the road. "Looks like your friends have no intention of giving up their very important mission to stalk you, Ariel."

Ariel scowled in the back seat. "Well, you have a matching set, you're not one to talk."

Elsa scoffed and looked in the rearview mirror again. Indeed, the black tinted car that was following them had a partner.

"What, bodyguards can't be that bad! They must have been like the British secret service, right? Isn't that kind of cool?" Anna joked.

"Ugh, it gets  _annoying_  when they follow you around  _everywhere_ ," complained Ariel, "They even stand guard outside when I go to the washroom. Can you imagine how  _embarrassing_  that is?"

Elsa and Anna both stifled a laugh. "There's a reason Ariel was my only friend, Anna," Elsa began.

Anna winced internally.  _I wish she wasn't. I really, really, wish she wasn't._

"With those guys around me, no one could get close to me. Heck, when the two of us sat together in the lecture hall, they took up all the seats immediately behind and beside us. You should have seen the professors every time we entered their classes. It was horrible," Elsa explained.

"I still think it's kind of cool," Anna crossed her arms.

"Well, we'll see what you think when Mother appoints for you your very own team of suited knights this September," Elsa teased and Anna stuck out her tongue at her.

"Hey, Elsa," Ariel whispered. "Lose 'em. You know the streets here better than they do."

"I don't know, Ariel. I actually quite like this car. It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it."

"Oh, come on, Elsa! Think, for once, we'd be in a mall without their imposing presence, we could finally pretend to be normal people! Commoners! No one would stare at us! We'd be part of their world! Also, I know for a fact that you like to go  _fast_."

Elsa grimaced at the innuendo and sighed. She looked tentatively at Anna, who was, surprisingly, also very excited (and hadn't caught the double entendre). "Do it, Elsa! It would be like in a James Bond movie, losing the bad guys!"

Elsa rolled her eyes in resignation at the two bubbly redheads in her car, and floored the accelerator.

* * *

"WOOOOHH!" Anna and Ariel yelled in unison as Elsa jerked the car to a stop in the parking lot of the mall.

"I can't believe we lost them—"

"And when she made that turn—"

"I can _not_  believe she actually pulled off that turn!"

"Oh, I wish I'd seen their faces when they lost us!"

Elsa regarded the screaming girls in disbelief, pinching her nose in mock exasperation as her heart rate finally returned to normal. The last, unexpected turn onto the small road that eventually lost their tails had been a tough one, and she almost thought she was going to turn her car into a metal pancake on the side of the brick building. But Ariel was right, she did have the home field advantage; the men following them were British; their parents hadn't had the time to switch them up yet. She grimaced as she thought about how much trouble their irresponsible actions would get them in. And speak of the devil, Ariel's phone rang and the jubilant atmosphere died down almost immediately.

Reluctantly fishing her phone out of her pocket, Ariel stared at it as it rang a couple seconds more, obviously weighing the pros and cons of answering. With a defeated sigh, she clicked the answer button, "Hi, Daddy."

Elsa and Anna winced as they heard enraged shouting from the speaker of Ariel's phone. Ariel herself shied away from it. When it finally subsided, Ariel replied, "Well, it's because  _you_  never let me go anywhere without them! Daddy! Just for today,  _please_? I'll do whatever you want! Ugh! Even for half a day?… Fine. Fine. As long as they don't look out of place." With that, she hung up.

Ariel looked up at the sisters with apologetic blue-green eyes. "He insists that they accompany us.  _But_ , he promised that they'd look less like the men in black and more like normal people. It's as good as we're getting."

"Hopefully,  _mine_  will remain lost," Elsa grinned.

"I doubt it. If mine know where to find us, yours will definitely find us."

"Well, we'd better get going then," Anna looped her arm around Elsa's as the three of them walked through the entrance of the mall.

* * *

"So? What do you think?" Anna did a full three-sixty degree turn as the sparkly champagne-coloured skirts of her dress flared.

"Hmm… I still like the flowery one more. Elsa?" Ariel prompted.

Elsa's eyes snapped to Anna for a few seconds, and then away again. "Yes, fine. This one is fine, too."

"Elsa! You've said that about the last six dresses! At least Ariel has an opinion, you aren't telling me what you think at all!" Anna crossed her arms in indignation and frustration.

"I meant what I said, Anna. You look absolutely…"  _Stunning. Incredible. Wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing. Dazzling._ Please _don't say something lame. "…_ Fine," Elsa finished stupidly.  _I don't believe you._ But she was afraid if she'd said any of the other things, the rest would just come tumbling out after it, and she would be powerless to stop them. The number of positive adjectives that she could use to describe Anna in her prom dresses was limitless, and she had decided to use the least committed one, in fear of not being able to hold back the obsessive compliments once she'd opened the flood gates.

Anna huffed again, and pointedly turned on her heel and stomped back to the dressing room.

Elsa tilted her head back against the warm leather of the couch and closed her eyes. They had been at this for more than two hours; each dress Anna donned was more stunning than the last, and every time her little sister stepped out of the dressing room, Elsa felt her heart leap into her throat with more force. By now, she was sure there was some god out there that had it in for her; this was like her own personal hell.

She forced herself to look for no more than three seconds, so as not to arouse suspicion under Ariel's observant eye. But every time she saw Anna, she had to actively tear her gaze away and struggle to maintain her charade of indifference to bite out a "Fine".

Aware of the hurt and disappointment that would be plainly written on her sister's face as a result of her callousness, she was thoroughly irritated with herself, and she let out another soft sigh.  _No matter what I do, I end up hurting you._

"So, what's going on?" Ariel asked her, plopping down on the couch beside her, reaching into her lap to intertwine their fingers.

"What?"

"You seem a bit… off. Did you really not want to come? You haven't offered a speck of useful advice. Even I can tell your little sister is not impressed with you."

"I—I'm just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night. Jetlag," she lied. But what was she going to say?  _Yeah, uh, actually, I'm in love with my little sister. I don't want to let myself look for too long because eventually I'm going to end up drooling and not be able to tear my eyes away. Because every time she comes out in one of those bewitching dresses my heart throbs and I wonder what it would take to get you out of here so I can follow her into the change room under the false pretense of helping her out of the dress and—_ "And I'm hopeless with fashion to begin with," she joked, trying to make her lie more believable, and at the same time trying to redirect her thoughts.

Ariel was still eyeing her dubiously, absentmindedly playing with her hands. "Prom is a big deal, especially for the girls," she reminded her.

Elsa pulled her hands away to run them through her hair and internally cursed herself for coming off as so heartless. "Yes, I know. It's just hard to focus on less than two hours of sleep." She faked a yawn to reiterate her point.

She was saved from answering further questions when Anna stepped out of the dressing room in another dress. This one had a low-cut black bodice with light green skirts, hems laced with gold, and somehow this mixture of colours really emphasized the stark contrast between beautiful copper of her sister's hair and the stunning teal of her eyes.

"I love it! It's beautiful!" Ariel sprung up from her spot on the couch and worked around Anna, pulling necklaces and accessories from their display and holding them up next to her. "This one fits you so well, Anna! It's like it was made for you! Right, Elsa?

Beneath her perfect mask, Elsa was trying to get her mouth to work. The mere sight of Anna in  _that_  dress shot electric currents coursing through every nerve fibre of her body, sending her heart into a sprint and her mind through a series of mini seizures.

_Oh, my god, she is_ gorgeous _. No, gorgeous doesn't even begin to cover it. She's an angel, a goddess, some celestial being that has inhabited a human body and I'm lucky enough to be her sister._

_Wait, god dammit, I'm her sister! I can't have these thoughts about her. I can't. I_ won't _._

Another thought struck her, with the weight of a freight train.

_But there is absolutely no way I am going to let Kristoff see her in that. No, no, no,_ _**no** _ _. No way in hell._

Biting her lip, she tore her gaze away quickly, mustering all the self-control that she had left to declare casually, "I like the other one more. The dark blue one." She randomly picked one of the other seven dresses that Anna had tried on. It didn't matter to her which of the other ones was chosen, as long as it  _wasn't this one_. This one stood so far above and beyond the others, any other bystander must have thought she was totally crazy to not like it. But she did like it. Too much. And so, this is the one Anna must  _not_  be seen in, because any man who sees her in that dress will be having the exact same perverted thoughts Elsa was having right now—

"Elsa, you are out of your mind! This one is light-years more stunning than the other ones! What's wrong with you?" Ariel cried in disbelief.

"I like the dark blue one more," she insisted obstinately, crossing her arms for emphasis, afraid to look at Anna's expression.

"Anna, don't listen to her, she's  _actually_  brainless when it comes to fashion—"

"Okay, I'll get the dark blue one," Anna acquiesced quietly, still watching her sister, who was now intently focused on the escalators outside the shop.

Elsa felt a spasm of anguish and guilt course through her as she realized how much her opinion had mattered to Anna, and how she had basically abused that trust in order for her little sister to look less dazzling to Kristoff.  _You are a sorry excuse for a human being._ But even then, she couldn't find it within herself to feel sorry, if it meant Anna wouldn't wear that dress.

_What is wrong with you? Only one day back and already your hormones are raging out of control like a teenage boy._

Disgusted with herself, Elsa rose to approach the cashier and pay for the dress, Ariel still surveying her in disbelief.

* * *

Anna stepped through the door of the change room, locking it behind her, and unzipped the back of the bodice, peeling off the dress, slightly confused by the day's events.

To her surprise, Ariel's presence was not as bad as she thought, as long as she wasn't touching Elsa some way or another. In fact, Ariel had been offering more useful advice than her sister had, which was, to say the least, disappointing. She had looked forward to going dress shopping with Elsa ever since the latter agreed a month ago, after being convinced to attend her graduation.

To put it bluntly, she was actually looking forward to showing her sister just how much she had grown, but no matter which dress she put on, it didn't seem to be able to capture Elsa's attention for more than a few seconds, after which the response would be, "It's fine."

With a sinking heart, she realized that maybe after three years apart, Elsa didn't love her as much as she had before, and was therefore less tolerant of her childish antics. Her sister's actions today and the day before provided an abundance of evidence for her conjecture. The hug they shared outside of Elsa's room had barely lasted a few seconds before her sister pushed her away and ducked inside to take a shower. And after lying and telling Elsa that she was happy with Kristoff, their conversation had changed drastically to random, unimportant matters (such as how well the Arendelle basketball team was doing this year, which no one really cared about) until the mindless chatter was interrupted by Gerda's call to dinner.

Or maybe, after three years without her, Elsa had realized how great it was to not have an annoying younger sister to have to humour day in and day out, and to actually be able to spend time with someone her own age. Ariel was, after all, a year older than Elsa, and an Oxford student, someone who could match her sister's intellectual prowess. She wasn't bad-looking either, although Anna hated to admit it, but she still didn't hold a candle to Elsa. Then again, who could?

So when Elsa declared that she liked the blue dress more, Anna jumped at the opportunity. Finally gaining her sister's approval, she pushed aside her own preference for the green dress that she wore and decided to appease Elsa, hoping that her amicability would make her sister happier, but to her dismay, Elsa's attitude hadn't seemed to change much.

Letting out a dejected sigh, she pulled on her jeans and shirt, stepped back into her sneakers and pushed open the changing room door.

The depression only lasted a few seconds, however when she felt a possessive anger surge again as she noticed Ariel and Elsa waiting by the entrance to the store, with Ariel's arm hooked tightly around the pale arm of her sister, who was holding the bag that contained her dress. Faking an elated smile, she hopped over to them and seized Elsa's other hand with a ferocity that slightly startled the blonde.

"Well, let's go look at shoes and accessories, then!" Ariel crowed.

"Actually, I already have the perfect accessories picked out for Anna," Elsa smiled tactfully.

"You didn't show them to me?" Ariel feigned hurt.

_Why does she have to show them to you? They're for_ me _!_ Anna held back a smug smile at the fact that Elsa did still care about her enough to give her thoughtful gifts and presents.

"I've shown enough to you," Elsa glared at her playfully, and Ariel giggled back.

_What does that even mean?_ Anna couldn't help but tighten her grip on Elsa's hand.

"Let's go get dinner," Elsa suggested, dragging the two redheads on her arms after her, after handing Anna's dress off to Alastair, her chief officer of security. They walked off giggling at the bodyguards that had been inconspicuously scattered throughout the area, men who were wearing polo shirts and looking uncomfortable around them.

* * *

Elsa had wanted to go to a fancier restaurant, but both Ariel and Anna goaded her into choosing a cozier Italian pizza joint.

"So, Ariel, how come you have so many bodyguards?" Anna ripped off a piece of cheese pizza, "Like, since when?"

"I don't know. I've had them my whole life, for as long as I can remember. Daddy has always been super-overprotective of me. He's never even let me interact with anyone, and no one wants to brave the sea of soldiers that are always around me," Ariel sighed, poking her piece of ham and pineapple with her fork.

Anna couldn't help but admit that must have been tough. Because of her parents' focus on Elsa, she was mostly free to do whatever she wanted in her childhood. She had friends, she had freedom, and she had a life. She couldn't help but feel more grateful toward her older sister's presence, and sneakily scooted closer to Elsa in the booth seat.

"Anna, let me out," Elsa suddenly said, "I need to use the washroom."

"Mmmk." Anna felt a pang of disappointment as she shuffled in the seat so that Elsa could move past her.

When the blonde was out of sight, Ariel leaned forward with a cunning smile. "Anna, are you in love with your sister?"

 


	15. Happy?

"What?" Anna almost choked on her Sprite. Sputtering, she added, "Why would you even ask that? We're sisters… that's… it's not even…"  _That's impossible! There's no way…_

"So, I can chalk your jealous behaviour up to just not willing to share your sister then?" Ariel rested her elbows on the table and looked at her expectantly.

"Jealous behaviour?" Anna repeated incredulously. Was she… jealous? Of Ariel?

"Goodness, you are sheltered. Have you never felt jealousy before? Oh, I guess because you were never confined at home or cut off from the rest of the world," Ariel sighed, exasperated. "Don't think I haven't noticed your death glares whenever I so much as touch Elsa."

Anna furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Was jealously the strange anger that kept boiling within her? Her father had given her everything she wanted during her childhood; she never longed for anything. Except her sister, when Elsa was busy.  _I guess I really don't understand jealousy. But I do get angry whenever Ariel so much as brushes Elsa. So that's… jealousy?_

_But… I'm not_ in _love with Elsa; I just love her as… a sister. Right?_ Anna shook her head. "I'm not in love with Elsa. I mean, she's my sister. I guess I'm just not used to sharing her. I've been her only friend for most of her life. Why—why are you even asking?"

"Just covering all my bases," Ariel shrugged. "I want to know if there's any competition."

"Competition for what? Elsa?" Anna gasped. "You mean—do you—"

"I like her," Ariel stated, holding Anna's surprised gaze. "More than just friend like."

"But Elsa's not into—"

"She is," Ariel grinned. "You never noticed?"

Elsa chose that moment to return to the dinner table. Anna nervously shifted in her seat again so her sister could squeeze by her.

Taking in Anna's awkward expression and Ariel's smug grin, Elsa eyed the latter suspiciously. "What were you talking about?"

"About how the pizza here sucks," Ariel replied matter-of-factly.

"You wanted to come here!"

Ariel stuck out her tongue. "Maybe it's time for dessert."

* * *

That night, Anna tiptoed to Elsa's room, slowly turned the knob, and pushed open the door.

The creak of the opening door caused Elsa to turn over in her bed and prop herself up on her elbow, "Who is it?"

"Just me," Anna whispered, "I couldn't sleep. Can I come in?"

Elsa hesitated for a moment, and then lifted her sheets, "Hop in."

Anna didn't need a second invitation. Closing the door behind her, she crossed the room in a few quick strides and jumped into her sister's bed.

It took only a moment for Anna to bury herself closer to her sister's warm body, resting her head in the crook of Elsa's neck, taking in her scent, as the blonde pulled the sheets back over them and tentatively put one arm around her in response.

"So, Ariel told me that you like girls," Anna murmured when they were settled.

"She—what?" Elsa tensed. "So that's what you were talking about. I am  _so_  going to kill her."

Anna laughed quietly. "I'm not judging. So… do you really?" she asked, heart thumping loudly against her ribcage.

Elsa sighed, "I was going to tell you, Anna. I just couldn't find the right time." A pause. "Yes, I guess I do."

"Do you like  _Ariel_? Like, in that way?" Anna mumbled, playing with a lock of her sister's hair and trying to ignore the smooth skin underneath.

"My… relationship with Ariel is… complicated."

Anna involuntarily scowled at the word 'relationship'. Suddenly, her eyes fell on the smooth contours of Elsa's lips, and she couldn't tear them away. As memories of her recurring dream flooded back to her, she remembered the question Ariel had asked her in the restaurant and heat rushed to her face. Was she in love with Elsa? Her impulse was to answer no.

But why did her heart start running marathons whenever she laid eyes on her sister? Was that love? She loved Kristoff, too, right? Her stomach fluttered whenever he kisses her; that must be love, right? To distract herself, she murmured, "What do you mean? Do you know she likes you?"

Elsa pulled back slightly and nodded, looking down at her through half lidded eyes.

_Damn, those eyes._  The redhead flushed even deeper and buried her face in the pillow, grateful for the cover of darkness.

"I'm not sure how I feel about her yet," Elsa replied, words dipped in a hint of caution. "Maybe you can help me. How do you feel about Kristoff? Emotion-wise. How do you feel when you see him?"

"He makes me forget bad things," Anna admitted.  _But so do you. And you do it better._

She felt her sister nod. "Are you happy just being with him?"

Anna's heart clenched at the question, so similar to the other one Elsa had asked her the night before.  _Tell her the truth,_ her mind implored.  _Just tell her he doesn't make you as happy as she does. Tell her how amazing she makes you feel just by being with you. Tell her how much it hurts to lie to her._

Before she could reply, Elsa chuckled softly, "Sorry, I already know the answer to that one."

_No, you don't. You don't. I lied. Tell her! Tell her you lied!_  Anna squeezed her eyes shut at the tears that threatened to burst forth from the pressure in her chest.

Elsa's lips gently brushed against Anna's forehead. "Goodnight, baby sis," Elsa whispered.

Her sister made a muffled noise in response.

Only when she heard the soft, even, breathing that signaled her older sister's slumber, Anna let loose a barely audible whimper as she wiped her tears with the collar of her sleepwear.

_Am I in love with Elsa?_

* * *

Elsa slowly disengaged herself from her sister's nest of limbs, careful to not wake her. Pulling on her clothes, she shuddered quietly as she thought about how close she had been to ghosting her mouth over Anna's lips instead of her forehead. Anna had been surprisingly indifferent about discovering her sexual orientation; she had expected a bigger reaction. But, then again, her little sister was always so graciously accepting of everything, so maybe it shouldn't have been surprising.

She was pleased with her self-control last night. Her first instinct was to deny herself as much physical contact with Anna as possible, but after reflecting on the fact that they had not seen each other in three years, her heart ached to fill the void that had been created by their separation, and she conceded. That, and she didn't want to disappoint Anna any further than she had that day.

The shiver of pleasure that spread through her when Anna buried herself in her neck had almost made her lose her nerve. Almost. For a moment she feared that her sister would have been able to hear the apprehensive hammering of her heart against her chest, but it eventually calmed when she let muscle memory take over.

She had wanted to say  _'by the way, you looked beautiful in all your dresses today'_  but violently swallowed those words when she considered the responses they would have induced. What if Anna asked why she was so nonchalant the entire time? She would have had to lie again. It hurt so much to lie. And so, she bit the words back before they could tumble out.

When Anna inquired about her feelings for Ariel, she had almost wanted to cry out the truth at the unexpected sting that the question brought. Thankfully, her fear of the consequences her confession would have incurred stopped her. Even kind, caring, sympathetic Anna would be disgusted if she knew the kinds of thoughts Elsa was having about her. A confession would damage their relationship beyond repair. And Elsa would much rather have Anna in her life as a sister, than not at all.

She cursed herself when she unwittingly asked again if her younger sibling was happy with Kristoff, but quickly saved the girl from answering, because she didn't want to feel again the soul crushing pain that had ensued when Anna first said she was.

She opened the door wide enough to just slip through, and, without a sound, closed it again.

* * *

Elsa stepped into the grand lobby of the corporate building, taking in the smell of fresh coffee and printer paper, Ariel following close behind. They entered the elevator and rode to the top floor, and were greeted promptly by Gustav, President Arendelle's personal assistant, who led them into the CEO's office.

"Ah, Ariel. It is so pleasant to have you with us this summer," Alana Arendelle, Elsa's mother, acknowledged them. "Elsa, I trust everything is well in Europe?"

"Everything is fine in Europe," Elsa mirrored her mother's professional demeanour.

"I am very grateful that you are allowing me this opportunity to intern here, President," Ariel added, with a politeness that she rarely displayed. Elsa's mother had that effect on people.

"Excellent. I have appointed for you both secretaries, to ease your transition into the North American market. Gustav? Ah, here they are." Alana motioned behind them.

Elsa and Ariel turned to greet their assistants.

"Now, then, Mark and Ivan will show you to your respectable offices."

Elsa followed Mark out of the room, waving a small goodbye to Ariel, who did the same.

"Ms. Elsa, I would first of all like to say what an honour it is to be your PA, and I regard this opportunity with the utmost gratitude," Mark began.

Elsa didn't look at him; instead, she started up her computer and sat down to work. "What is on the itinerary today?"

"Ah, yes, in about an hour, you are scheduled to be attending a conference with President Arendelle and representatives from Falk Industries to discuss a contract. The President would also like you to go over these accounts."

"Be on your way, then, and notify me when it's time."

"Yes, Ms. Elsa."

* * *

Elsa ground her teeth together and struggled to maintain her composure as she recognized one of the men standing in front of her.  _Falk_ Industries. She knew that name sounded familiar.

The detestable sight of short, maroon hair, green eyes, and sideburns made her stomach burn with hatred. Hans Falk stood before her, clad in a suit and tie, different from the hoodie and sweats that he always wore in high school, but failed to disguise his despicable face. And it failed to quench the loathing she felt upon seeing him.

She stopped in her tracks, Ariel almost bumping into her.

"Ms. Elsa," he said evenly in the distasteful voice that had habitually spouted insults at her, "it is good to see you again." This time, though, there was no hint of disrespect or contempt.

If Ariel hadn't nudged her and alerted her to the other curious gazes around the room, Elsa would not have stopped glaring murderously at the man before her. Quickly reorienting herself, she took a seat next to her mother, as Ariel sat down across from her.

"Now then, gentlemen, I'm sure you're all aware why we are conferring today," the President began. "So I will not mince words. I wish for Falk Industries to concede to a forty-five percent cut of all profits for the next three years in return for an annual sponsorship for the crude oil refinement project at five million a year."

The man seated beside Hans snorted. "Five million? That's not nearly enough. And you're asking to take almost half of the profits! Are you aware of how much this oil will cost, just to refine? The equipment alone—"

"Yes, I am quite aware. I am also aware of the costs that your people are able to cut down, but refuse to. Are you aware that this is my final offer, and that I am not negotiating? You have until today at fifteen hundred hours to give me a response." With that, she coolly strode out of the room, leaving a room of unsatisfied glares and confused glances. One by one the rest of the men filed out of the room until Elsa, Ariel and Hans were left.

When Elsa got up to leave, she heard Hans call out behind her. "Wait, Elsa! Uh, do you mind if I call you that?"

_Yes, I do._   _I'd prefer if you didn't speak to me at all, actually._

"Ms. Elsa," he amended, when he met her eyes. "I want to formally apologize for my impulsive and rude behaviour for all of high school."

She only looked at him, but this time her gaze was calm and uncaring. She could feel Ariel staring at them curiously.

"Look," he continued when she didn't respond, "I was jealous of your intelligence, and I did stupid things like a stupid teenager. I hope, with the opportunity of this contract, that we could forget the past and work together." He held out a hand.

She ignored it. "Only time will tell if your words are genuine," Elsa replied, not revealing a shred of emotion. She turned and stormed out of the room.

"Wow, did he pee on your fish in high school or something? You looked like you were ready to kill him," Ariel remarked, still eyeing Elsa inquisitively.

"He is a loathsome, disgusting creature who only cares about himself," Elsa spat when they were in her office.

"Well, whatever he did to you, you could have him knocked flat on his ass now," Ariel smiled as she directed Elsa's gaze to Alistair's form outside her door.

Elsa couldn't help but smirk at the prospect of requesting Alistair to beat up Hans Falk, and she sat back down in her chair to complete her work.

* * *

Elsa buried her face in her hands, the frustration and calculations building into an angry throb in her temple. She had gone over the numbers once, twice, even  _three_  times, but they were inconsistent with previous accounts. Where had she gone wrong?

As she checked her calculations again, coming up with the same conclusion that she had the last three times, she threw her arms up in dissatisfaction and flung her pen onto the desk.

There was only one explanation for the inconsistency: someone had been faking the numbers on the spreadsheets. Groaning, she thought out in her head how she was going to approach her mother about this.

A noise outside the room interrupted her thoughts.

"Hey, you! You can't go in there!"

The door burst open to a jubilant and lively Anna holding two cups of coffee in her hand with Mark protesting after her. "Miss, you can't—"

Elsa put up a hand to stop him. "It's fine, Mark. This is my sister."

His mouth formed an 'o' shape in surprise and quickly worked to excuse himself, "My apologies, Miss."

When he left the room, Anna offered one of her cups to Elsa, smiling gleefully at the commotion she had just caused. "How's your first day of work been?"

_Just great, if you consider the fact that I had to meet my detestable high school nightmare again and that I just discovered that someone has been faking the tax accounts for a month now._

But she didn't need to answer. The weary look in Elsa's eyes was enough to tell Anna that the day wasn't going very well. Anna prompted her sister to take the cup.

"I already have a coffee," Elsa sighed, pointing to the untouched cup that Mark had brought her an hour earlier.

"Please, Elsa. I'm hurt that you would even think I'd bring you  _coffee_. We both know you hate the stuff," Anna grinned at her. "Try this. I  _promise_  you'll love it."

Curious now, Elsa accepted the offered cup and took a sip. Gasping at the sweet, delectable flavour of chocolate that spread across her tongue, she stared quizzically at her beaming sister.

"It's Belgian hot chocolate, with  _dark_  chocolate," Anna explained, still smiling from ear to ear, "I stopped by a Blenz* on my way here. I haven't forgotten what type of chocolate you love, Elsa."

Anna's smile was infectious, and Elsa found herself grinning along with the redhead.  _How does she always have such impeccable timing?_ She wondered.

She put the cup down and smiled warmly at her sister. "Thank you, Anna. This is exactly what I needed." It was a relief to finally be able to tell Anna something sincere, although this was not helping to subdue the intensity of affection she was feeling.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Anna peered at the scribbles of arithmetic that lay sprawled on the papers of Elsa's desk.

_Yes, give me another of those head massages that you do so well._ But somewhere amongst the throbbing ache of her temples and the tangle of math equations, a coherent thought warned her against any physical contact.

"No, this," she raised the cup of hot chocolate, "is enough. What brings you here anyway, so far downtown?"

"Oh, I was on a date with Kristoff," the redhead replied. "He's probably waiting outside right now," she added quietly.

There was a gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach again. Elsa smiled, a fake one this time. "You should probably get going, then."  _Before I say or do something I'll regret._

After waving a goodbye, Anna opened the door and stepped out, carefully shutting it behind her.

Elsa took another sip of the chocolate. The warmth, it seemed, had left with her sister.

* * *

"Kristoff!" Anna called as she bounced triumphantly through the revolving doors of the building. "She loved it! Thanks for waiting!"

Kristoff welcomed her with a light kiss on the lips, and then took her hand and led her down the street.

His hand was bigger, rougher, and wrapped around hers protectively. It was a completely different feel from when her fingers looped themselves between Elsa's. His hand was warm, and sometimes sweaty, unlike Elsa's cool grip. She shook her head, trying to clear it of the comparison that she was making, and trying to stave off the sinking feeling that she might prefer Elsa's hand to Kristoff's.

Again, Ariel's question surfaced to the front of her mind, like a rash that got worse with each bout of attention.

"Hey, Kristoff, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"How do you know when you love someone? Like, really know?"

That got him to rub his head with his other hand. He scrunched his eyebrows as he tried to come up with a satisfactory answer. "I guess, when you always think about what they want and what they like, that's the first sign."

"I meant if you're in love with someone. What if you, say, love your best friend for a really long time, and then maybe you suspect you're in love with them. How do you tell the difference? You think about a best friend all the time, too, right?"

"Where's this coming from, Anna? Are you secretly in love with Rapunzel?" Kristoff laughed at his own joke. His laughter died down when he found that she wasn't humouring him like she usually did.

"What if I am? How do I tell? Hypothetically, of course," she fixed him with an intent stare.

"Oh, wow, um," he scratched the top of his head, "I dunno. I guess that's hard to distinguish. But d'you wanna like, hypothetically, kiss Rapunzel? 'Cause best friends don't kiss, right?"

Anna grimaced as she remembered staring at Elsa's lips last night, and her recurring dream where she would be kissing her sister.

Kristoff took her negative expression as a no. "No, right? So, you're not in love with her." He chuckled, "Maybe you'd know for sure if you actually kissed Rapunzel. Hypothetically."

"W-what? Kristoff, don't be silly! I'm not going to kiss someone to find out if I'm in love with them," Anna huffed, elbowing him in the side.

He grinned back at her. "Aww, I would've paid  _money_  to see that. Well, I do remember asking my Grandpabbie the same question you asked me so I'll try to help you out. He said, 'if there's someone whose happiness matters more to you than your own, that's love'. That help at all?"

Anna stared at the pavement. Did she want Elsa to be happy? Yes, absolutely. Elsa deserved happiness more than anyone else.

The real question was: did she want Elsa to be happy more than she wanted it for herself?

Without a doubt, the answer was clear. Of course. Elsa had suffered so much for her, the studying, the isolation at school, it had all been for her.

With her free hand, she ran her thumb over the smooth snowflake pattern on her ear, a tangible reminder of her sister's love for her.

_I'm in love with Elsa._

As if to confirm the thought, her heart skipped a beat.

Her stomach clenched with anguish, because her only course of action was painfully clear as well.

_But if I want her to be happy, I can't be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Blenz coffee is the name of a chain of coffee shops in Vancouver, BC (guess you now know where the story is set). Their Belgian hot chocolate is fantastic.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read, and all criticisms, reviews, suggestions, and comments are welcome!


	16. So Happy

"Ariel," Elsa said evenly, when her friend moved across her room. She swallowed thickly when she felt hands on her shoulder, toying with the skin of her neck and hair, and tried to concentrate on the glowing screen in front of her.

"Come on, Elsa. I know we agreed no sex while I was staying at your house, but Anna's out with Kristoff tonight, and the maids have all gone  _home_ ," Ariel purred in her ear from behind, "and  _you_  need some relaxation."

Elsa suddenly felt sick. Because of how strong her feelings for her sister had grown over a course of only the two weeks she'd been home. Because of the way she had been using Ariel as a distraction for a year now. Because of how disgustingly wrong it was to be in love with Anna and still let Ariel believe she had a chance.

But she desperately wanted to stop. She wanted to stop loving Anna, to stop exploiting Ariel, to stop being so guilty all the time. She wanted to find a way out. She wanted her friends to be happy. And she wanted to stem the flow of pain and longing that burst forth whenever she saw Anna and Kristoff together.

Against her screaming conscience, she turned her head to kiss Ariel's cheek. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Hmm?" Ariel's lips were on her neck, expertly drifting closer to her jawline in a way that made her shiver.

"You know what you said to me a year and a half ago? At the coffee shop, before you suggested that we—"

She felt Ariel's breath hitch. "Yes?"

"I'm willing to give it a chance."

"Really?" Ariel's hands were on Elsa's shoulders, turning her around so that turquoise eyes met cerulean ones. "You're saying yes to being my girlfriend?"

Elsa forced a smile.  _Anything to stop this pain._  "Yes."

Ariel leaned forward excitedly and planted a light kiss on her lips before letting her arms snake around Elsa's shoulders as she pulled the blonde into an embrace.

"Then we're not going to have sex tonight," The excited girl declared as she pulled back. "I want to do this properly."

Elsa made an effort to smile again at her. "Okay."

"Good night!"

When the redhead bounded off into the hallway, Elsa buried her face in her hands as she realized what she had just done.

_I'm going to fix myself,_  her mind said.  _I'm going to stop being in love with my sister. I'm going to fall in love with Ariel. I'm not going to hurt Ariel. I'm not going to hurt Anna._

_I did the right thing._

The ache in her chest didn't stop.

_Didn't I?_

* * *

Anna hopped out of her boyfriend's truck after giving him a quick peck on the cheek, grateful that he never questioned her again about the 'love' conversation that they had almost two weeks ago. She spotted Ariel sitting on the front steps of the house, her bodyguards spread out 'inconspicuously' around the lawn and inside the foyer. Her bright red hair was messily draped over her shoulder and across her back as she huddled on the steps.

Curiously, Anna approached the girl. "Ariel? You okay?" As she neared, she caught a better view of the older girl's face. She looked to have been crying, eyes swollen around her sea-green orbs, still sniffling slightly.

Suddenly Ariel leapt up and threw her arms around Anna, crying out heartily, "She said yes, Anna! We're going out!"

Anna felt her heart drop to her stomach at the sudden revelation.

She knew she should be happy for Elsa and Ariel. She really should. Finally, Elsa would have someone who loved her unconditionally like how Kristoff loved her. Finally, Elsa wouldn't have to be so alone. Ariel understood her. Ariel loved her so much that she was  _crying_  tears of happiness when Elsa agreed to go out with her.

"I'm so happy for you, Ariel," Anna tried to sound sincere, biting back her own tears. "Elsa deserves someone like you."

_She really does. Elsa deserves to be happy. Ariel can do that for her. They understand each other. They're perfect for each other._

_And they're not sisters._

Before her own tears could spill forth, Anna pulled back and choked out, "I have homework, so I'll catch you later, okay?" Before Ariel could respond, Anna ran into the house, up the stairs and into her room.

* * *

_It was the same dream again. Anna realized this when she caught the scent of Elsa's wintry perfume._

_She looked up at her sister, so beautiful and majestic._

_This time was different, though. Instead of getting closer like she always did, Elsa kissed her forehead and gave her a forlorn smile. It took Anna a second for her to realize that Elsa was leaving, and that she had just kissed her_ goodbye _._

" _No! Wait, Elsa!"_

_Her sister looked back, alarmed._

" _I love you! Don't leave me!" she begged, crying now._

" _I'm sorry, Anna. I have someone else now," Elsa smiled softly, and Ariel appeared beside her. As they took each other's hands and walked away, Elsa uttered, "I don't need you anymore."_

" _No! But_ I _need_ you _! You can't leave me!" she tried to run after them, but hands arose from the floor of the black room and grabbed her feet. She fell to her feet, and looked up just in time to see Elsa slamming the door behind her. "No! Please! No!"_

_Gritting her teeth through her tears, she whimpered, "Don't leave me. I need you. Don't leave me."_

_But Elsa had said, "I don't need you anymore."_

_She stayed on the ground, broken._

" _Anna." Soft hands brushed her shoulder, her hands, her neck, her cheek, trying to coax a response out of her._

_It was a familiar feeling._

_What was that sweet voice? Did I die and go to heaven?_

"Anna, wake up," a voice begged.

Anna's eyes shot open, disorientated by the darkness of the room. The shadowy hands of her nightmare still fresh in her mind, she shook with fear at the black nothingness.

Cool hands were on her cheeks, brushing away the remnants of the dream, drying her tears. She would have recognized this gentle touch anywhere. Still shaking, she reached out into the darkness until her hands were met with the smooth fabric of her sister's t-shirt, and grabbed hold, pulling Elsa closer, as she sobbed uncontrollably from the wave of anguish the nightmare had left behind.

"Shh… you're safe." Elsa stroked her sister's ginger hair and let the girl cry into her shirt, tugging her closer. "I'm here. No one's going to hurt you now."

"Stay with me," Anna pleaded between sobs, "Stay with me." Her words contained such desperation that Elsa was afraid any refusal would cause her to break. She only nodded, and tugged the covers up around them, still holding Anna.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elsa whispered when Anna's shaking slowly settled. She loosened her grip and let her one of her hands reach up to cup a freckled cheek.

Anna shook her head slowly.

"Talking about it might make you feel better," Elsa prompted quietly.

"I don't remember."

"That's a lie, Anna. This one was particularly bad, wasn't it?"

"How do  _you_  know?"

Elsa paused. "I used to check on you at night, after I isolated myself in high school," she confessed. "You always used to have nightmares, so I was worried."

"Every night?"

"Pretty much."

Anna buried herself closer against the compassionate soul beside her, and suddenly every inch of skin that was in contact with Elsa's was on fire.  _You don't deserve such a kind older sister. That's why she said she doesn't need you._  She gasped, as the thought brought more tears to her eyes. "Thank you," she choked.

"Hey, you don't need to thank me," Elsa tore another tissue from the box and dabbed lightly at the drops of moisture that escaped Anna's eyes. "It's my intrinsic duty as your older sister." She laughed. "That, and I love you."

The words made Anna glow with euphoria, but at the same time they cast her into a pit of despair.

_I love you, too. If only you knew how much I loved you, Elsa. If only I could tell you. If only you didn't have Ariel. If only we weren't sisters._

But she knew they meant different kinds of love.

They were so close, yet so far. It was just like in her dream; Elsa was going to drift further and further away from her. She was going to have a happy life with Ariel, meet more new friends, and Anna could only watch from the sidelines. Elsa wouldn't need her anymore. Elsa would never need her as much as she used to.

Overwhelmed by the realistic future that she had seen in her nightmare, and a burning desire that had overcome her when she pressed so close to her sister, Anna blurted, "I need you. Don't ever leave me."

She felt Elsa tense around her, and then her sister chuckled. "What makes you think I'll ever leave you? You're my sister. You could chain me to a bullet train and that wouldn't be enough to tear me away from you, silly."

There was a giggle among all the sniffles. "You'd be making millions of people late for work," she chided.

"That's what they get for standing between me and my beloved little sister," Elsa retorted playfully.

The lighthearted atmosphere finally gave Anna the courage to confess, "I dreamt that you left me. That you said you didn't need me."

Elsa tightened her hold, pressing Anna closer to her neck. "Oh, Anna. I always need you. I won't leave you. Trust me."

Before Anna could get her mouth to work, Elsa spoke again. "Besides, you're hopeless without me. I don't know how Kristoff puts up with that reckless mind of yours."

Anna gave an indignant huff, and Elsa abruptly loosened her hold again. "Good night, Anna."

"I love you, Elsa."

_And I don't know how to stop._

* * *

"Oh, my god, you look beautiful!" Ariel exclaimed as Anna stepped out of her room, wearing the dark blue dress that they had picked. Its silky fabric wrapped around her upper body in a halter-style neckline, exposing her shoulders and arms. The dress sported a stunning dark blue to light blue gradient, with the lightest shade around her waist, underneath the golden belt hung that loosely around it, the metal glinting as she stepped into the light of the hallway.

"Anna, come here! I'll do your makeup," Elsa smiled at her. Anna could go to prom in a potato sack and still take her breath away, she decided.

"Oh, I'll do your hair!" Ariel flitted excitedly down the hall with Anna as they entered Elsa's room.

"I hope you haven't forgotten about those accessories you promised me," Anna teased playfully as she sat down. "Because I'm screwed if you have."

Elsa laughed, "Don't worry, I've got them." The dress covered Anna's collar, so a necklace was unnecessary. Instead, she reached into a drawer and pulled out a gold bracelet with snowflake patterns, its colour perfectly complementing the belt on Anna's waist.

Anna gasped, her hands flying to either side of her face in surprise, "Oh, Elsa, it's beautiful. Is it… is it your snowflake?"

Her sister grinned. "Of course. Would you expect anything less? Put it on."

It fit perfectly on the curve of Anna's wrist. The younger girl was still admiring the pattern on it. Her sister had outdone herself this time, she decided. It wasn't a single snowflake; it was a bunch of them intertwined at the tips, forming an intricate pattern of diamond and crystal.

Elsa pulled out studded earrings. "Now, these ones aren't snowflake-patterned, but I did still design them myself."

Again, they were a complementary gold, inlaid with sapphire, to the belt on Anna's waist. This time, they weren't snowflakes, but glittering crystal icicles. "Thanks so much," she whispered. She was sure her smile couldn't possibly get any wider.

"These are for the other two birthdays I missed," Elsa explained. "Now, close your eyes so I can do your eye makeup."

Ariel was tugging Anna's hair into a bun, allowing a few wild strands to accentuate the younger girl's freckled face. She attached three bluish-green satin ribbons, laced with gold.

In the meantime, Elsa was trying very hard not to be distracted by her sister's lips and adorably freckled cheeks, so dangerously close.

_Don't mess this up; it's a special night for her._

Grabbing her gel eyeliner, she swallowed and steeled herself. Slowly, she got to work. When she was satisfied, she chose a sparkly nude eye shadow for her sister, deciding that a more natural look was better.

She leaned back to inspect her work, and felt her heart skip a beat. Her sister was absolutely stunning, even without makeup, but now that she had it, she looked even more amazing.

Feeling another twinge of jealousy at the prospect that Kristoff would get to spend a whole evening with the divine goddess before her, she steadily applied mascara on her sister's thick lashes. "Done," she said, satisfied. "Now for lipstick."

Her breath hitched again as Anna opened her glowing blue eyes and smiled at her in appreciation.

"You can't smile at me if you want me to do your lipstick properly," Elsa teased. She turned to her vanity and shakily chose a light coral. Trying to focus on just the lipstick while applying it, she ran the stick over Anna's unmoving lips. "What do you think?" she asked Ariel.

"Hmm." Ariel frowned, taking in the colours. "I think it needs to be pinker. Try the one you used when we went clubbing," she grinned. "I liked that colour. Here, Anna, rub that off."

"Ugh, clubbing. You just had to remind me. Okay, let's see," Elsa rummaged through her drawers, trying to find the right colour. After locating it, she applied it to Anna's smooth lips, trying not to stare for too long. "What do you think?"

"Perfect!" Ariel cried, hugging Anna tightly. "You look beautiful, Anna! No man is going to want to take his eyes off you!"

Elsa handed her a mirror. "You are gorgeous, baby sis," she choked.

Anna beamed at both of them. "Thanks for helping me get ready! It's almost time!" she exclaimed as they caught a glimpse of Kristoff's truck driving through the gates of the mansion. "Shoes! What shoes am I wearing?"

"These," Elsa opened her closet and held up a pair of white, short-heeled shoes. "I didn't want you tripping over yourself or spraining your ankle tonight, so I took the liberty of not getting you high-heels. Don't complain," she chastised teasingly when Anna opened her mouth to protest, "your feet will thank me later. Now, is your clutch packed and ready?"

"Yup! It's in my room! Let me go grab it!" she threw on the heels and almost tripped racing out of Elsa's room. Thankfully, she caught herself on the doorframe. She glanced sheepishly over her shoulder; Ariel was holding a hand over her mouth to keep from smiling and Elsa had a face that said 'I told you so'.

"Anna, try to act like a lady tonight, okay?" Elsa pleaded with mock desperation, "I don't want to get a call from the school telling me that you fell face-first into the punch bowl and then broke your wrist or something. Take things slow."

"Yes,  _Mother_ ," Anna blew a raspberry at Elsa and hopped out of the room, slightly more carefully than before.

"Oh-oh! Let me get a picture before you lovebirds go!" Ariel insisted, after Kristoff stepped out of his truck. She held out her Canon DSLR, looking like the paparazzi, snapping pictures of the awkward couple from every angle. "Come on, stand closer together! You both look ravishing!"

As hard as she tried, Elsa couldn't find the humour in the situation. She tunnel-visioned on Kristoff, with one arm around Anna, and felt jealousy burn in the pit of her stomach.

She and Ariel had been officially dating for almost two weeks, but the feelings she had for Anna were still stronger than ever; if anything, they got stronger whenever she saw Anna. Or whenever she saw Anna with Kristoff.

She had made sure to send Kristoff a proper tuxedo (one that would match Anna's dress) because, despite all her possessive feelings, Anna  _was_  going to prom with Kristoff Bjorgman, and Elsa decided that she would be damned if she didn't do everything to make it a great night for Anna. Save for lying about which dress the younger girl looked best in, of course.

Kristoff still had a deer-in-the-headlights expression from when he first saw Anna step out of the front doors of the Arendelle mansion, and he all but tripped over himself to shower her with as many compliments as possible, which, Elsa hated to admit, annoyed her to no end.

Anna was her sister! Her sweet, beloved, innocent, little sister! And here was this man, looking at her sister like she was… like she was a piece of meat! Elsa felt her protective instinct take over again, as she considered driving Anna to the school herself. Instead, she marched over to Kristoff and fixed him with an intent, borderline murderous, stare. "I am entrusting my little sister to you for this evening, Kristoff Bjorgman. I am holding you personally responsible for her wellbeing tonight." She almost added, 'I will have you hanged, drawn, and quartered if she even gets a paper cut on her pinky finger', but decided against it.

He grunted in surprise, "Yeah, of course, Elsa. I won't let her get hurt."

Anna grinned at her, "I'm not that clumsy, worry wart!"

"Well, you guys should go, before you're late. Don't speed!" Elsa called after them as Kristoff turned the truck around and started down the road.  _Take care of her. My Anna._ Her heart clenched.

"Sheesh, you don't think you're worrying too much?" Ariel said, casually entwining their fingers.

"You don't know the kind of trouble Anna gets herself in," Elsa looked at her, smiling as she thought of Anna's childhood mischiefs.

Ariel pulled her in for a kiss. "You don't need to worry about her for tonight, at least. She won't be back until morning. I can think of something we could do while we wait."

Elsa gulped. She was not ready to have—make love with Ariel yet; each date they went on only served to make her feel guiltier and guiltier that she didn't reciprocate the beautiful redhead's feelings. Whatever her brain thought that dating Ariel would do for her, it wasn't happening.

She backed up a little. "Actually, tonight, I want to see the city."

Ariel seemed disappointed at her sudden change of attitude. But, she never pushed Elsa; she always waited for the blonde to be ready, which had Elsa feeling even more ashamed.

With Alistair driving in the front seat, and another man beside him, the two girls were admiring the lights of nighttime downtown Vancouver. Today had been a rare day off; they finished their work early the day before so they could help Anna get ready for prom. The past two weeks have been about setting up the accounts and allocating resources properly for the contract that her mother had forced upon Falk Industries. And correcting the mistakes that were made on the tax spreadsheets.

Elsa stared forlornly outside the tinted windows of the car, wondering, with a clenched fist, if Anna had arrived at the prom venue yet, as Ariel cuddled next to her, playing absentmindedly with her braid.

Suddenly, Elsa told Alistair to park and let them off.

With her and Ariel's bodyguards following them close behind, Elsa stopped in front of a bar.

"Really? You want to go to a bar? You hate drinking!" Ariel exclaimed in surprise.

Elsa gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I felt like a change today. I'll have Alistair take you home if you'd prefer." Getting drunk made her head unclear, but it also wiped away feelings of uneasiness and guilt. In fact, it made her feel better in general. Happy, even.

"Hell no! I've always wanted to go to a bar!" Giving her a spirited grin, Ariel linked their arms and enthusiastically tugged the blonde inside.

"Hmm… I'll take a gin and tonic!" Ariel announced as she scanned the drink menu. "I've always wanted to try one."

"Scotch on the rocks for me, please," Elsa added.

They handed the bartender their ID's when he glanced at them skeptically. After checking to make sure they were legal, he grabbed two glasses and poured their drinks in front of them. "Enjoy, ladies," he grinned.

Elsa drained her Scotch, to Ariel's surprise. Ariel, naturally competitive, downed her gin and tonic in a single swig as well. "Wow, that is not what I expected it to taste like," Ariel said, her mouth twisted in disgust.

Elsa winced at the bitter aftertaste in her mouth. "Give me a straight shot of Jack this time, please."

"I want one of Smirnoff!" Ariel declared loudly.

The bartender collected the glasses and replaced them with single shot glasses, pouring each of them their liquor.

Elsa took the shot in one swallow again, making a face at the flavour. This one had a muskier taste than the other. The aftertaste was still bitter. She ordered a shot of tequila this time, and Ariel the same.

They both agreed that this one tasted the worst.

"Bartender, you got anything sweet in there?" Ariel drawled tantalizingly to the gruff man behind the counter over the rock music playing in the background.

He passed them each a shot of spiced rum. This time he also placed two cans of coke in front of them, "Don't puke on my floor."

They looked at each other and drained it, chasing it with the coke. It wasn't bad, Elsa decided.

Ariel settled with vodka. Elsa ordered another shot of tequila.

The vile flavour was like her punishment. For the disgusting, incestuous feelings she still had for Anna. For the lack of affection she returned to Ariel. She smirked inwardly, letting the alcohol take control.

At least Ariel seemed like she was enjoying her vodka. "So, Elsa," she sang.

Elsa looked at Ariel, whose face was already red. "Enjoying the heat, Ariel?" she teased.

"Oh, you know I like it hot," Ariel retorted.

"Ariel, life sucks, you know," Elsa began, not knowing where she was going with this.

"Yeah, noooo freedom at all," Ariel replied, equally intoxicated. "Suuuuuucks. Lucky Anna, she gets to have the most fun tonight."

"It sucks even mooooore when someone you love doesn't love you back, doesn't it," Elsa drawled on. She was vaguely aware what she was saying, but didn't care enough anymore to stop herself.

The pain was gone. The guilt was gone. The ache that had been constantly eating at her heart ever since she agreed to go out with Ariel was gone. She felt empty, but at the same time, full. The loud music in the background was only fueling her euphoria.

Happy. Stupidly happy. For no reason.

So happy, as if nothing she said or did could perturb this contentment. Like nothing had consequences. Like she was floating. No crashing. No pain. No nightmares. No worries.

No rights. No wrongs.

No one could tell her what to do.

No one could tell her what was wrong.

She couldn't even tell what was wrong anymore.

"But it's greeeeat when you're going out," Ariel droned sluggishly.

"Arieeel," Elsa tried to focus. After another swig of coke, "Ariel, I like someone else."

"You… wha…" Ariel threw an arm on the counter and put her head down on it, staring sideways at Elsa.

_Don't say it_. Some coherent voice screamed from within the confines of her drugged brain.  _You'll regret it_.  _Don't do it._

No right or wrong.

_I already regret it_.

No consequences.

"Ariel, I'm…" Elsa fought the urge to lower her head onto the counter and close her eyes. She struggled to speak evenly, "Ariel… can we be friends?"

Happy. Still so happy.

Ariel grinned goofily at her, "We  _are_  friends…Goooood friends."

"I mean… just friends… we'll always… be friends… right?" Elsa took a shaky breath and shook her head to try and clear it. It only made her dizzier. Deep breath. "Ariel, I'm in love with someone else."

No right or wrong.

"Hmmmmm.."

She had to be clear. "Ariel, I don't... I don't love you. Not that way…"

Suddenly, it seemed Ariel understood what she was trying to tell her. Elsa could make out her blue eyes, wide in horror, through her blurring vision. She clumsily reached out an arm to touch Ariel's shoulder, but missed. "I'm… sorry."

She wasn't sure if the girl's eyes were watering—she only caught a glimpse of her reaction before the girl stood up—or if her own eyes were filling with tears.

Pain.

Before anyone could react—Elsa, or Ariel's bodyguards—the heartbroken girl ran out of the bar. Several bewildered men ran after her, and as Elsa stumbled through the doors, she could barely make out the silhouette of long red hair stumbling onto the dimly lit street…

… right into the path of an oncoming truck.


	17. Old Friends

"You look really beautiful tonight. I mean, you're always really beautiful, but tonight you're like… wow!" Kristoff was turning bright red under his dashing white collared shirt and blue bowtie.

Anna giggled. "You goof, that's like the bajillionth time you've said that!"

"Well, I really mean it. Like, you really, really, look amazing," He was blushing even more now.

She burst out laughing. "Just keep your eyes on the road, okay? I don't want Elsa killing you because you were too busy ogling me to drive."

Kristoff shivered. "Did you see that look she gave me? It was like she was ready to chop me to pieces and then feed them to the dogs. If I didn't know she was your sister, I would've thought she was a jealous suitor."

Anna's smile faded.  _If only you knew how much I wished she was a jealous suitor._  Changing the subject, she noted, "By the way, where'd you get that suit? I thought you were going to borrow your cousin's?"

Kristoff raised his eyebrows, "I thought you sent it to me. It came in the mail about a week ago. There was even a gift certificate for a tailor, in case it didn't fit me."

It was Anna's turn to be surprised. "No, I didn't." She nibbled on her bottom lip before remembering that there was lipstick on it.

"Oh. I dunno who else who could've sent it. Elsa?" Kristoff guessed, equally confused.

Elsa? Her heart swelled at the idea that Elsa had sent Kristoff the suit. Why would Elsa care? She didn't seem to really be interested in attire when they were dress shopping. Why would she send Kristoff a suit?

But Elsa was the only one she had confided in about Kristoff's clothing for the night. It couldn't have been anyone else.  _She cares_ , Anna thought, heart swelling with relief.  _She cares after all._  If Elsa had gone through the trouble of selecting a matching suit for Kristoff, it meant she wanted Anna to have a perfect evening, didn't it?

They reached the school, where everyone was mingling, taking pictures, girls squealing with excitement, guys pretending to be aloof as their dates posed around them.

"Anna! You look beautiful!" Rapunzel all but screamed when the redhead stepped out of Kristoff's truck. She was wearing a pink off the shoulder dress that accentuated her curves and bust, adorned with white laces and frills, her brown hair in wavy curls secured with a white ribbon on one side of her head. "And Kristoff… wow… you could almost pass for a gentleman!"

"Almost," he repeated, with a hint of sarcasm.

"If you lost the dorky looking hair and actually shaved properly," Rapunzel joked, jabbing him in the side with her elbow.

"Hey, man! Gotta admit, you look almost as good as me," Eugene came up behind Rapunzel, one arm around her shoulder.

"Pictures, pictures!" Megara screeched at them and they enthusiastically joined her, Aurora, and Merida in front of the school for a group photo. The principal soon called them to board the buses that were going to take them downtown. Suddenly everyone was scrambling into lines.

"You look great, Anna! Who did your hair? Elsa?" Aurora fiddled restlessly with one of Anna's ribbons when they were seated. She had on a royal blue off-the-shoulder dress, glittering gold necklace, and her golden hair was down, in waves around her fair skin.

"No, Ariel did," Anna admitted, wincing slightly at the dull ache that returned at the utterance of her sister's  _girlfriend's_  name. "Elsa's girlfriend," she stammered, when Aurora cocked her head.

"Oh," Aurora brought her hands to cover her mouth in surprise. "I didn't know—Elsa is—wow. That's really great; I'm glad she found someone. She was always so isolated. What's she like? Ariel?"

"She's… she's…" Anna bit her lip, this time undeterred by the taste of lipstick. At this rate, she was going to smudge all her eye makeup as well. "She really loves Elsa," was all she could choke out.

"Anna? Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Don't, Aurora. I'm okay." She took a deep breath to calm down. Even after two weeks, she still couldn't get used to the idea of Elsa being so close with someone else. Or maybe she didn't want to get used to the idea. "I'm just… not used to sharing Elsa yet."

Aurora put one hand on Anna's shoulder, searching her eyes with a thoughtful expression. "This is really bothering you, huh? You guys are sisters, Anna. The family bond runs deeper than anything else.  _Kristoff_  said so himself!" she giggled. "I'm sure Elsa will always have room in her heart for you."

Anna nodded slowly, and smiled wryly at her friend. Aurora, satisfied, turned abruptly to peer out the window when Rapunzel yelled out about seeing a 'hot guy' on the street, much to Eugene's dismay.

Anna shut her eyes.  _If only that was enough for me._

* * *

There was an unending ringing in Elsa's ears. It started when she heard the screaming blare of a horn. It reverberated endlessly in her head, blocking out all her other senses so well that she barely noticed the hands trying to get her up off the ground.

She was screaming. Screaming, but no sound came out.

She couldn't make out what was in front of her in the dim light. Hair or blood. They seemed to be the same colour.

There were sirens. They added to the ringing. It wouldn't stop.

Arms were trying to hold her back. Trying to calm her down. But she was burning. It was so hot. With what? She didn't know. There was Anger.

Its friend, Guilt, was here, too.

She knew Guilt so well. She almost smirked. Like an old friend back home.

The strange bubble of magic was gone. There was something else. Cold. It was cold. But it was so hot.

Everything was wrong. Nothing was right.

Everyone was yelling. Blocking her.

She didn't like that. They were looking at something that was hers. A mistake that was hers.

But there were arms of steel around her own. She couldn't shove the people aside. She tore at whatever she could get her hands on. Clothes. People. Cement.

She was shouting at the top of the lungs. Why couldn't anyone hear her?

This was a dream. It must have been. That was why she couldn't feel anything. She could only hear ringing. Screaming. Bouncing pitches inside her skull. Tearing her apart from the inside.

It hurt.

Everything was in slow motion, too. The ground was getting closer. Or was it? But she wasn't getting closer to  _her_.

Her mistake.

Mistakes are costly.

An anguished roar ripped from within her. She heard it this time. It was hers.

Her body felt heavier than normal. Cold. Wet. Ice seemed to seep into her lungs. Was the sky crying?

Stupid rain. Another obstacle. Made everything blurrier.

She tore furiously at her shackles. They let go and she hit something hard. The pavement.

Pain. This was a familiar friend, too.

It was welcome. She deserved it.

They were taking  _her_  away. She knew from the red hair.

No.

 _No_.

This was her mistake.

Why weren't they yelling at her? Why weren't they punishing her?

She made a  _mistake_. Where was the ripping pain? Where was the leather?

She felt a burning in her throat. Acid tore from her mouth. Foul.

She deserved it.

The shackles returned. On her shoulders this time, tugging at her.

She was still screaming.

* * *

Anna was disappointed as the animated beat of the song faded and she felt Rapunzel and Aurora unhook their arms enthusiastically to find their dates. The previous song had a lively, jump-with-your-friends-till-you-drop kind of tune. To be completely honest, she preferred those to the slow ones, despite the romantic ones being few and far between.

She groaned inwardly, realizing the next song would be a slow one. The crystalline chandeliers hanging from the high roof of the ballroom had dulled to mirror candlelight, making the shiny marble floors echo the evaporation of the jubilant atmosphere, permeating the entire room with an envelope of romantic reverie.

Sure enough, the first piano strains of the slow version of 'We're In Heaven' reverberated throughout the dimly lit ballroom.

So she wasn't surprised when Kristoff materialized beside her and took her hand.

"May I have this dance?" His head was tilted slightly downward, his lips on her knuckles.

She ducked her head in silent acquiesce as he slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him. She hesitantly let her own arms wrap around his neck, keeping him at arms length, as usual.

Every time a romantic song came on, she couldn't keep her mind distracted. The gradual drift from the beginning of the song to the end seemed to take an eternity. She couldn't help but become super aware of the couples surrounding her, and wishing that the arms around her were someone else's.

It was so much easier to busy herself with jumping, dancing, swinging and pushing away sweaty bodies around her when the lights were flashing and the steady thump of the bass was so loud that it resonated with her heartbeat.

Her thoughts were promptly replaced when the first lines of the song came on.

_Oh, thinking about our younger years,_

_There was only you and me,_

Suddenly Elsa was everywhere in her mind. As if the blonde didn't occupy enough space already, thoughts of her kind, beautiful older sister flooded Anna's whole being.

_We were young and wild and free,_

She closed her eyes and rested her head on her partner's chest, and felt the arms around her tighten in response.

The lyrics reminded her of the time when she persuaded Elsa into joining her in a snowball throwing competition: who could fling the packed ball of powder the farthest. She had won that one, but had consequently knocked over a potted plant and brought upon her older sister a scolding by Gerda.

_Now, nothing can take you away from me_

_We've been down that road before, but that's over now_

_You keep me coming back for more_

The first time they had a fight was when five-year-old Anna wanted Gerda to make white chocolate macadamia cookies and Elsa wanted to eat chocolate chip ones for Christmas, behind their mother's back. The entire week they tried endlessly to convince one another that their choice was the best; Anna had secretly tried to replace her sister's ice cream with melted white chocolate (and she learned that warm chocolate and ice cream do not mix), and Elsa had turned her chocolate chips into frothy, hot, liquid delight. Needless to say, Elsa won that one, hands down.

_Baby, you're all that I want,_

_When you're lying here in my arms_

_I'm finding it hard to believe_

_We're in heaven_

There was that time when she was seven, they had a contest about who could stay awake the longest, late into the night, and they stared at each other obstinately until neither one of them could keep their eyelids open anymore. However, when she woke up the next day to find an unfamiliar blanket over her, she was sure that Elsa, curled up beside her, had only pretended to fall asleep.

_Love is all that I need,_

_And I found it there in your heart_

_It isn't too hard to see,_

_We're in heaven_

Intoxicated by her memories, she let out a contended sigh as the sweet scent of strawberries and winter filled her nose.

_Oh, once in your life you find someone_

_Who will turn your world around_

_Pick you up when you're feeling down_

She thought of how Elsa friended her on Skype as another way to fulfill her intrinsic duty as an older sibling. How Elsa had written her hero essay about  _her_.

_Now, nothing can change what you mean to me_

_There's a lot that I could say_

_But just hold me now,_

_Cause our love will light the way_

The words her older sister had uttered that night she had the nightmare came to the forefront of her mind.  _I always need you._ And then her partner's thick, stout arms were replaced by slender, angelic ones. Soft, but secure. Smooth, but strong. A cage that she was happy to be in. One she could have stayed in forever.

_Baby you're all that I want_

_When you're lying here in my arms_

_I'm finding it hard to believe_

_We're in heaven_

Elsa was everywhere. The simulated candlelight brought memories of the first time their house had a blackout. She was eight, Elsa was ten. Her sister had found her way to her room in the opaque darkness, and stoically held her crying form the entire time, until Gerda entered the room with a candle.

_And love is all that I need_

_And I found it there in your heart_

_It isn't too hard to see_

_We're in heaven_

She inclined her head, eyes closed, and she felt warm lips press against hers, and her dream came back to her. She was kissing Elsa, the blonde was holding her, and there was nothing keeping them from each other. She poured all her restrained emotions into the kiss, hungrily moving her mouth against the steadiness of her partner's.

_I've been waiting for so long_

Something felt wrong. Cold. No, chilled. She shivered. She smelled rain.

_For something to arrive_

_For love to come along_

She opened her eyes, expecting to be outside. She wasn't.

_Now our dreams are coming true_

She pulled away abruptly. Something was very wrong.

_Through the good times and the bad_

Warm brown ones searched hers questioningly.

_I'll standing there by you_

The sharpness of the last note shook her from her fantasy.  _Brown, not blue._  And she quickly swept her gaze around the room, realizing that she wasn't where she thought she was. Awkwardly wresting herself from her boyfriend's grasp, a flash of red filled her vision for a split second. She covered her mouth in horror, and turned to sprint out the fancy double doors of the ballroom as the last strains of the song faded away.

"Anna? What's wrong?" Rapunzel and Aurora pushed open the doors to the Ladies' washroom.

Nothing. Nothing was wrong, right? The night was going fine.

Anna had her hands on the cool stone sink in front of her, her breath coming in gasps, unable to shake a strange feeling of apprehensiveness that had settled over her. Despite her hands being just washed, they were cold and clammy. There were butterflies in her stomach. Not the good butterflies, but the kind that you had before going in for a flu shot. Those butterflies.

She suddenly had a desperate need to hear Elsa's voice. In an effort to find her own first, she stammered, "I n-need to c-call my sister," ignoring further questions from her friends. Fumbling in her clutch for her phone, she pulled it out as the rest of the contents spilled onto the cold marble floor. For some reason, they seemed insignificant.

Rapunzel and Aurora just looked at each other, exchanging a glance of worry and bewilderment as they bent to collect her things.

Her fingers were so unsteady that she could barely dial her sister's number. She shakily held the phone to her ear, and tried to hear the ringing that signified a successful call through the loud pounding of her heart.

Someone picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

Anna's blood froze. The voice was familiar, but it wasn't Elsa's. "Elsa?" she whispered, unable to find any other words.

"Oh, no, it's Gerda. Is this Anna?"

"Y-yeah. Where's Elsa? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?" Each word was coming out more panicked by the second.

Gerda was hesitant, guarded. "I'm… not sure."

"What?" Anna almost screamed into the phone. "What do you mean? Where are you? Where is she? What happened?" Rapunzel offered her her clutch, and she took it wordlessly, still listening for a response. When the older woman didn't reply, Anna yelled, "Gerda!"

"I really think you should try and enjoy your evening, sweetheart," Gerda replied after a pause, "Your sister would want that." She sounded careful, and worried.

"Are you kidding? There is no way I'm going to be enjoying anything if I don't know what happened to Elsa!" Anna was already out the doors of the venue, barely registering the pouring rain, and hailed a cab. "Gerda, please! Where are you?"

"Vancouver General Hospital," was the woman's defeated response. "There was an accident."

"Oh, my god! Is Elsa okay? Is she hurt? Please tell me she's okay!" Anna all but screamed into the microphone. Panic was building within her again, and if she didn't know how Elsa was this very moment…

"She's fine, Anna. Well, physically. She's okay. It's Ariel," Gerda explained. "There was an accident."

Anna nodded, the apprehension dissipating as soon as she heard Gerda report Elsa's physical wellbeing. Turning to Rapunzel, she breathed, "Tell Principal Banner that I'm leaving early. Tell Kristoff sorry for me."

"I don't think so, Anna," Rapunzel replied, squeezing into the taxi with her. "I'm not letting you go anywhere alone like this." She glanced at Aurora, who nodded.

"I'll bring your message to Principal Banner. I'll tell him it was an emergency. Call me later," Aurora ordered, turning on her heel to run back into the venue to avoid attracting any more attention.

The ride to the hospital seemed like an eternity of torment to Anna. Her agitated hands peeled at her fingers in uneasiness, she bit her lip, her eyes looking wildly outside the window for any indication that they were nearing their destination. As soon as they arrived, she threw a wad of cash at the driver and ran inside, ignoring the sting of disinfectant that invaded her nose when she took her next breath.

"Elsa! Elsa Arendelle!" She shrieked impatiently at the woman who was seated at the desk. When the bewildered nurse shook her head, Anna racked her hysterical brain for Ariel's last name. "Ariel del Rey?"

That got a hit. The nurse motioned toward the emergency room, and frenzied redhead, carelessly throwing off her short-heeled shoes in the process, raced toward the doors that connected the front lobby to the ER waiting room.

As she burst through the doors, panting, the only person she could see was Gerda, standing down the white hall at a T-intersection. Gerda saw her, and motioned for her to approach. Without a second thought, she bolted down the hall, Rapunzel struggling to follow.

"Elsa! Where's Elsa?" She panted, chest heaving with exertion. Gerda directed her gaze further down the hall, to a corner, next to a pair of doors under a glowing sign that read "OPERATION IN PROGRESS", where a certain blonde was sitting, ragged and dripping, knees hugged to her chest. "Elsa! You're okay!"

As she got closer, she realized she was wrong. Her sister's braid was messy, her usually silky hair muddy and drenched, her clinging white blouse now a dirty light brown, her jeans were ripped and wet. She was bleeding from multiple scratches, on her knees, her wrists, and her arms. Her normally perfect nails were chipped and caked with blood.

Beyond confused, Anna glanced around, meeting the weary eyes of Alistair, who was standing rigid a few feet away.

She shook her head, deciding that the most important task at the moment was to get her sister's wounds treated. She knelt in front of Elsa, and nearly gasped at her sister's unfocused red-rimmed eyes, glassy, now more a dull indigo than crystal azure, completely devoid of light. And entirely unresponsive to Anna's voice, as if she was utterly unaware of anything around her.

"Elsa?" Anna anxiously extended a hand toward Elsa's. "Elsa,  _please_ —"

The blonde abruptly shrank back with a shudder, and buried herself even deeper against the white wall of the corner, resting her forehead on her knees, arms crossed tightly over her calves, as if she was going to shatter at any moment.

Seriously worried, now, never having seen Elsa like this before, Anna leaned a little closer, alarmed when she caught a whiff of alcohol mixed in with the scent of rain and pavement on the older girl's soaked clothing. She pushed away all her speculations, for now. There were more important things.

She frantically motioned to Alistair for a towel that sat on an abandoned laundry cart nearby, who willingly obeyed. She slowly wrapped the towel around her reclusive older sister, carefully deliberating every movement, so as not to further antagonize her.

She gingerly rested her hands on the blonde's elbows, earning her a shiver, but no further retreat. She ran her hands soothingly in circular motions over the towel up to Elsa's shoulders, and then cautiously lifted the girl's head by cupping one cheek.

She was shocked at the frigid temperature of her sister's skin, and became even more determined to clean her up. After gesturing for another towel, she used this one to cover the older girl's head, tentatively drying her dirt-caked hair, and gently dabbing at the light scratches on her fair jawline.

Despite her efforts, she could not coax her shell of a sister to relax out of her inflexible position, and it was becoming increasingly impossible to gain access to the other damaged parts of Elsa's fragile, shaking body. "Elsa, I need you to cooperate with me. Please," she begged, trying to meet her sister's unfocused gaze. "Let me help you."

When that failed to elicit any sort of response from the motionless girl, Anna let out a breath of irritation, fueled by worry and concern. Desperately, she opened her mouth again, but this time, she wasn't speaking.

She was singing quietly. When they were young, Elsa always sang to her when she had trouble falling asleep. She chose a song that, she hoped, would bring her inert sister back from emotional limbo.

" _There's a calm surrender_ ," she began, self-consciously, the lyrics more of a whisper than a song, " _to the rush of day,_ " she prayed that she was getting the words right. " _When the heat of the rolling world can be turned away._   _An enchanted moment, and it sees me through; it's_ enough _for this restless warrior just to be with you,_ " she paused to gauge her sister's response. The blonde had shifted slightly. Encouraged, she took a deep breath, " _And can you feel the love tonight?_ " She put one hand on Elsa's, thrilled that the blonde didn't pull away this time, " _It is where we are._ "

" _It's enough,_ " the older girl replied finally, voice lifelessly hoarse, barely above a whisper, but Anna was grateful for the response.

" _For this wide-eyed wanderer,_ " the redhead continued softly. " _That we got this far._ "

Elsa moved again, relaxing.

" _Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings? The world, for once, in perfect harmony, with all its living things,_ " Anna maintained, more confidently, changing the lyrics, as the older girl joined in with a quiet hum after a few moments.

Anna knew it would sound a bit awkward, but she added in her sister's favourite part, " _And_   _can you feel the love tonight? You needn't look too far. Stealing through the night's uncertainties—_ "

"— _Love is where we are._ " They finished together, the blonde's sapphire eyes becoming clearer.

Assured that Elsa wouldn't shrink back this time, Anna skirted around to her side and wrapped her arms around the blonde's wet waist, tugging her gently upward. When her sister was finally standing, Anna noticed their audience was still staring at them.

Rapunzel had her hands over her mouth in an expression of awe, her eyes glistening, and Gerda had a similar countenance. Alistair was even smiling; the first time Anna had seen any sort of emotion on his hard, pockmarked face.

"Here, dear, the emergency nurse said Elsa was fine, physically. She should be back soon; she said she was going to find someone who could gauge Elsa's emotional state. She said we could use this room if your sister would get up," Gerda dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief and gestured to an open door.

Anna was afraid to ask where Ariel was, certain that any mention of the name would estrange Elsa once again. Instead, she guided her sister into the room, onto the patient bed, and turned to address Gerda and Rapunzel, "Gerda, does she have a change of clothes? She's soaked."

Gerda nodded, "I brought her a set as soon as Alistair called me." She offered the girl the bag Anna didn't notice she was holding.

Taking the bag, Anna focused her attention on Rapunzel, "Could you call Aurora and tell her we're okay?" Rapunzel nodded in agreement.

As soon as Anna closed the door, Elsa spoke.

Her voice was flat and hoarse, barely audible. "It's all my fault."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! 'Can you feel the love tonight' is one of my favourite Disney songs; I hope it wasn't too cheesy. I couldn't think of another way that Anna was going to get a reaction out of Elsa. (Also, can you imagine Kristen Bell singing it? *squeal*)
> 
> Thanks for all the support! It really means a lot! All reviews, comments, suggestions, criticisms will be read and welcomed!


	18. Empty

Elsa wasn't sure how long she had been here. She could barely recall how she got here. She could only remember screaming at the figure on the stretcher, beautiful red hair stained a dark mahogany, as they blurred past her into the operating room.

How long had it been?

It didn't matter.

She would guard this door until it opened.

She barely registered the uniforms that came and shone lights into her eyes, trying to touch her wounds, tug her up.

She wanted to be alone. She deserved to be alone, so she couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

She was sick of the pulling. So she shut her eyes and curled her knees to her chest, lost in the voices.

Some were yelling, screaming. Others were crying. Still others were painfully silent. But they all belonged to her. They were all her. They built walls around her. She couldn't hear anything through them. Just as well, she could lose herself in self-blame.

_Your father was right. You're a failure._

She didn't even bother to apologize. It fixed nothing.

Now two people had almost died because of her. Her carelessness, her mistakes. Which part of her foolish brain decided to enter the bar? Which part thought it was okay to drink? Which part thought it wouldn't matter if she told the truth for once?

She was cold. Frigid. But she wasn't shivering, because she liked it. The cold, the wet, it numbed her so much that it hurt. It offered an alternative to feeling. The weight grounded her. It was what she deserved.

Because she was a coward. A sick, disgusting coward. She wasn't brave enough to confess the truth to Ariel when sober. And so this happened. Because she was a coward.

She wasn't worthy of warmth, of kindness, of love. The only two people who had given it to her unconditionally, she had awarded with suffering.

The cold burn distracted her from the smell of sterility that was so akin to that of six years ago, when she was at this same hospital wallowing in her self-loathing as she waited for—

Two people now. Two people, so important to her, she hurt. Almost killed. She was a monster.

It was suffocating. The blame. The fault. It was all hers. And she was suffocating. Drowning in it.

No complaints. It was justified.

How much longer before this would end? There was no way out.

It would have been better if she died.

Someone was trying to touch her again. She shrank back, pressing closer to the wall. A chill washed through her again. It felt good.

She wanted to get colder. Even colder, so all feeling was gone. Where was the rain?

Something soft wrapped around her. A towel?

She didn't deserve this. Please stop. She almost shrank away again, until she recognized the familiar touch.

Please, no.

Not her.

The hands were on her shoulders now.

She fought to keep from feeling. Conceal, don't feel. Feel the cold instead. Feel the pain instead. Don't think. Don't feel.

A familiar melody filled her ears, carried by an even more familiar voice.

Before she could help herself, muscle memory took over. She uttered something. Didn't know what. Didn't care. She tried to stop.

It wouldn't work. The bewitching aria was taking over her mind. The age-old words of the song were like arms, pulling her out of her frozen cage.

She noticed she was humming. She noticed she couldn't stop.

The floor was coming into focus. She realized she was on the floor, so close that she could make out the cracks in the cool linoleum.

The song was breaking her walls, the walls she worked so hard to put up. They were being broken so easily.

The heat surrounded her, melting her heart, and it attracted her upward. She was walking now. And then, sitting on a bed. It was still hard to focus.

The voices were quieter. Some still screaming, cacophonies of self-blame and self-hatred, resounding in the recesses of her skull.

There was a click of a door.

_It's all my fault._

It wasn't until the room came into focus and she saw her sister staring at her in confusion and worry that she realized that she had just muttered the words echoing in her head aloud.

She averted her gaze quickly, afraid that if she held those piercing teal eyes any longer they would see every secret that she worked so hard to hide.

Warm hands tugged at her shirt, and she almost let them pull the wetness off, until a single thought stopped her blood cold.

Father.

She can't.

With strength that she didn't know she had, she abruptly knocked the hands away, and instinctively hugged herself, the thought of her father threatening to shatter her entire being once again.

She heard Anna's delicate voice clearly for the first time. "Elsa, please. You need to get out of those clothes. You'll get sick. And those cuts, they need to be treated.  _Please_."

There was so much desperation. She wasn't worthy of this much attention and concern from anyone.

The sound of her own tone sounded strange, unfamiliar. It almost hurt to talk. How long had she been screaming? "I need the cold," she rasped.

"How do I help you, Elsa? Tell me," her sister begged.

The distress in Anna's voice pierced her heart like a sickle, it wasn't clean, it wasn't straight; it left tear marks, rip marks, grooves, scars, it wouldn't cut all the way through. "Don't," she choked out. "Don't help me."  _I don't deserve it._

Her sister only obstinately shook her head, loosening the beautiful ginger locks that were tied together, letting them settle on her shoulders. "I don't know how to do that."

"You can't help me." She still refused to meet those teal eyes.

"Then who  _can_?"

 _Ariel_. The first time she dared to let the name enter her thoughts, and it made her head spin, her thoughts jumbled, and the voices started screaming at her again.

As if the name was a prayer, it was answered in the form of the sound of the operation room doors opening. Elsa immediately moved, half-jumped, half-stumbled off the bed and staggered to the door of the examination room, furiously swinging it open, and darting out.

The sight of the unconscious redhead, bandaged and peaceful now, life tied to an IV drip, brought cool relief and burning shame at the same time.  _I did this to her._

She shot a panicked glance at the nearest nurse, who was equally alarmed after taking in her ragged appearance. "Her life isn't in immediate danger now, dear," the uniformed woman explained quickly, putting a hand on the frantic blonde's shoulder and withdrawing it when the girl flinched away. "She has a broken left humerus, fractured left tibia, dislodged left shoulder joint and a few shattered ribs, but thankfully the damage to her head was minimal, only a concussion, no skull fractures. She should wake up after we wean her off the anaesthesia. She's lost a lot of blood, though, so she will need to stay here for while."

Elsa nodded mechanically, unsure if she should be relieved that Ariel hadn't broken more bones, or penitence that she had broken so many.

"Oh, you're up!" Another nurse approached them, accompanied by a female doctor. "This is Dr. Anika Iversen, a psychiatrist. She's going to ask you a few questions."

"Hello, Elsa. Why don't we talk inside?" Dr. Iversen motioned toward the room that Anna was still in. Elsa didn't bother to ask how the doctor knew her name.

Elsa hadn't noticed the hurt in her sister's eyes until she suddenly felt Anna's gaze once again boring into hers. This time, she was able to return it with slightly more confidence that she could hide herself. She tried to smile, but it felt wrong. Some very vocal part of her was telling her that she didn't have the privilege to smile until she could see Ariel's smile again.

She took in Anna's appearance for the first time as well. Judging from her mud-splashed ankles, wet hair, and damp dress, her sister had rushed directly over from her prom venue. Another pang of contrition seized her as she remembered how violently she had shoved her sister away only a few minutes earlier.

"Should I stay? I'm her sister." Anna's voice was even, despite the concern and affliction that pooled in the depths of her cerulean orbits.

Dr. Iversen looked from Anna to Elsa, gauging the tension between the two, and finally decided, "Yes, I think you should. Please sit, Elsa. And you…"

"Anna."

Dr. Iversen smiled, "Anna, you can sit in this chair. I'm just going to ask her a few questions to test her mental state. She witnessed something very traumatic."

Elsa returned to her spot on the patient bed as the doctor examined her eyes again, "Pupils are normal now, that's a good start. Now, Elsa, do you know what day of the week it is?"

"Friday." Noting the time, "Saturday," she amended.

"You know where you are?"

"Hospital. Vancouver General."

"Your full name?"

"Elsa Arendelle."

"Very good. Now, Elsa, do you want to talk about what happened?"

She gasped as the memory returned to her and buried her face in her hands, distracted by a sudden loud throbbing in her head. "No."

She heard the doctor stand up. "I understand. I will contact you at a later date."

"There are several other witnesses," Elsa cried softly into her palms. "It doesn't have to be me."

"I'm not interested in the facts about what transpired physically, Elsa. Your friend may need more emotional help than you after a traumatic incident such as this. I want to help you both get through this."

Elsa could only nod, face still hidden, internally cursing herself for being so thoughtless as to what Ariel would need after she woke up.

The psychiatrist looked at Anna, and passed her a card. "If your sister needs any help, please don't hesitate to contact me." With that, she left the room, closing the door behind her, as a thick silence fell over the two girls.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Elsa whispered, head down.

"I know what you're thinking. I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier, but seeing you run out like that made me think about how you must have looked when I had that accident, six years ago," Anna began slowly, focusing hard on the floor, and Elsa could see her sister imagining her own thirteen-year-old self rushing to the stretcher in the same fashion that she had just moments before. "And that's how I know you're blaming yourself right now," The younger girl continued, cautiously. "Even if I don't know the details of what happened," she hesitantly held out her arms, "it's not your fault. I believe that. Won't you?"

Just like that, the self-inflicted lacerations on Elsa's heart were temporarily mended. It suddenly didn't matter that Anna didn't know the exact details about the accident. It didn't matter that Elsa refused to think about it. It didn't matter that she could barely hear her own voice through the discord in her mind.

Anna had uttered the words that she wanted to hear. That she  _needed_  to hear. And for the moment, it didn't matter if she believed them.

Because Anna always believed in her. Ironically, her sister's unconditional faith in her should have brought a fresh wave of guilt. But she was so empty, so hollow, for a second she felt detached from her cursed self, free.

For the first time in forever, she let herself cry in her sister's arms, letting herself relish the sensation of her sister's soft body pressed against hers, kind arms shielding her from the unrelenting bombardment in her head, and an unfamiliar feeling seeped through her. Like she was home.

* * *

President Triton del Rey of Neptune Corp had flown in from Atlanta as soon as he heard about Ariel. As soon as he arrived, violent outbursts and bellows echoed throughout the halls of the stirring hospital. After viciously tearing out the throats of Ariel's bodyguards and the truck driver, he spent every second at his daughter's side.

Elsa's guilt multiplied exponentially when she saw the colossal, thunderous CEO kneeling beside Ariel's bed, gray hair slicked back and head down, kissing the pale hand clutched between his enormous fingers. Ariel's left leg and arm were wrapped in thick casts, the rest of her body in bandages, broken, under the covers of the bed.

For a second, Elsa was glad that she changed (after vehemently insisting to her sister that she was fine by herself), because despite her sinking feelings of apprehension, looking presentable was showing respect to the revered man.

She was reluctant to approach him at first, not knowing how much Ariel had told him about her, but responsibility was a magnet, pulling her to offer him sympathy and condolences.

And so she gathered the courage to enter and bring a chair for him from across the room. She felt stigma strike again when his pained aquamarine eyes met hers, and she fought the immediate urge to look away in shame.

"You must be Elsa," He whispered in a deep baritone, eyes softening when he took in her exhausted appearance. "She's told me a lot about you. She's never had a friend who would stick around for too long, you know. I never have time for her, and in my effort to protect her, I also ended up driving all of her friends away as well. I'm grateful she found you."

Elsa was biting back tears. She was expecting furious retribution, the same vicious treatment he had given to the guards and the truck driver. Not this. Not this… grieving man who was…  _thanking_  her, with a heart almost as broken as her own. This was much worse than ardent retaliation. This… lack of blame where it was sorely due. If only physical pain could fully compensate for the emotional turmoil inside, she would have gladly paid someone to hit her with her father's belt instead. No, this was worse. She was hurting everyone around her.

She was about to blurt out her part in Ariel's accident.

A sweet, melodic voice stopped her. "Daddy? Where am I?"

Triton's eyes lit up immediately as he turned his attention back to his stirring daughter. "Hey, baby girl, how are you feeling? You're in the hospital. Don't move; you were in an accident."

"I'm kinda sore. And drowsy. And floaty," Ariel slurred, sleep thickening her voice.

"That would be the painkillers doing their job." He chuckled, a low, resounding bass. "Do you want anything? Tell me," the man gently caressed his daughter's soft red hair, his eyes harbouring an affection that Elsa would not have expected from his hardened exterior.

Surprisingly, she found herself feeling a jolt of envy as she watched their interaction; she wondered if her own father would have been capable of such mildness toward her if she were the one in that bed. Her father had only ever shown genuine affection to Anna; all the kindness that he showered Elsa with when they had an audience had been tainted with falseness and coercion.

"No, Daddy, I'm okay," She could hear the smile in Ariel's melodic tone.

The bearded man gave her an apologetic grin, his eyes crinkling. "Then I have to go," he started to stand up.

"Wait! Please, can't you stay?"

The yearning Elsa heard reminded her of the crestfallen expression of little Anna, when their mother declined any and every request made of her by the redhead in her early years. Her heart involuntarily went out to Ariel, understanding the innate desire for parental attention, something that none of them had ever had enough of in their childhood.

Triton only patted his daughter's head gently in response. "You already have good company. I have a bit of business to take care of. I'll be back." With that, he donned his hat, waved to Elsa, and exited the room.

Elsa realized that Ariel was probably noticing her presence in the room for the first time. She debated darting out of the room, because a part of her knew that Ariel would be better off without her. But another piece of her shoved the memory of President del Rey's exposition to the forefront of her mind. If she didn't stay, whom did Ariel have left?

Slowly, she approached the vacant seat left by Triton, and searched the red-haired girl's eyes for any indication of her current mood. They were frighteningly empty, painfully disparate from the habitual humour and cheer Elsa had taken for granted.

After a long silence, she whispered, "How are you?"

"You don't need to hide it, Elsa. I know you really want to know if I remember what you said to me," Ariel stared back at her, hostility bleeding into her weary, half-lidded eyes.

"You remember," Elsa echoed, shocked.

"If I didn't, would you have pretended it didn't happen?"

Elsa didn't have an answer. Under these circumstances, if Ariel hadn't remembered her distressing revelation at the bar, she probably would have pretended it hadn't occurred and forced herself to continue to pursue their relationship out of guilt.

"I considered telling you that I remembered nothing. I wish I remembered nothing." The bedridden girl sighed, closing her eyes. "But what good would that do if your feelings didn't change? It would only make me feel more pathetic, shackling you to me with guilt."

"Ariel—"

"Don't, Elsa. Don't tell me you're sorry. That's not what I want to hear from you."

"I understand if you hate me," Elsa choked. Again, she was expecting a violent outburst, for Ariel to accuse her of manipulation, to blame her for her injuries, to chase her out of the room and demand to never see her again. Maybe the anesthetics were softening her reaction.

"If I hated you, this would be so much easier," Her friend rasped.

Oh, God was not letting her off the hook today. Every reaction she received today was more emotionally jarring than the last, and she fervently wished that they had all just turned their backs on her instead. She definitely deserved that more. First, there was Anna's unconditional trust and kindness toward her. Second, Triton's gratitude for her friendship with Ariel. And now, Ariel's lack of ire despite how heartbroken she must have been.

The suffering these reactions incited on her part was a thousand times worse than if they had violently castigated her. She wasn't sure which she deserved.

She moved her hand gradually toward Ariel's, giving the girl ample time to retract it. To her surprise, the other girl's fingers tightened weakly around hers. "How do I help you?" She begged, echoing Anna's words several hours ago.

There was a long pause. "Tell me who it is," Ariel demanded, with more vigor than Elsa thought possible.

She deliberated. Ariel would no doubt be disgusted with her. But, at this moment, even revulsion was better than heartbreak, right? Ariel might feel better, if her feelings of love were replaced by disgust and revolt, and wanted nothing more to do with her.

She bit her lip, a deep-seated instinct keeping her from divulging her deepest, darkest secret.

"I could guess anyway. God, I'm such an idiot," the redhead finally breathed, after labouriously studying her contemplation. "The way you look at her. I can't say I wasn't expecting it. I only wish you had the courage to tell me when we were sober."

Elsa knotted her free hand in the hem of her shirt. "Me too," She admitted. "Was it that obvious?"

That earned her a cold chuckle. "Who else could it be?"

"You're not sickened? You don't think it's wrong?" She prompted incredulously.

"I'm still stupidly in love with you. That means I still blindly accept whatever you do as right. Also, I'm high as a kite at the moment. You could be snorting crystal meth and I wouldn't have a problem."

Elsa shifted uncomfortably, the emptiness in her stomach created by hunger slowly turning into a gnawing ache, as if something was carving out her insides, fueled by the realization of how starkly similar Ariel was to Anna, in their sharp sense of humour and their unprecedented compassion.

"At least this means I lost to someone I'm willing to back down against." Another humourless chuckle.

"You're so strong," Elsa murmured. She realized the morphine, in addition to numbing, was probably also promoting the candor.

Ariel's gaze turned scornful. "Drugs," She reminded her, as if reading her mind, "Plus some part of me just doesn't want you to see me cry because it knows it'll make you feel worse."

"Do—Do you want me to leave?" The brutal honesty was not helping to stem the ever-growing flow of guilt.

To her surprise, her friend shook her head slowly. "It really sucks, you know. You're my only real friend. But at the same time just looking at you kills me a little inside."

Elsa swallowed thickly.

Another silence. "I guess this is how you feel every time you look at her."

She didn't respond.

"I assume she doesn't know."

Elsa shook her head, "she can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"You might not see what's wrong with it, but I do, and it's revolting. It's sick."

Ariel sighed. "I can _not_  believe I'm doing this right now." She tugged a little on Elsa's hand. "If you love her, how could that be wrong?"

"Why—why are you okay with this?"

The redhead's lips curled into a slight smile. "I'm not in my right mind, obviously."

"I'd much rather conduct this conversation with you in your  _right_  mind," Elsa smiled tightly at her. The first real one she'd given Ariel in weeks. She upped the dose of morphine on the machine. "Then you'd realize how wrong this is. And then maybe you'd actually be angry with me like I deserve."

"Who says I'm not angry? You and your misplaced sense of self-righteousness…" Ariel murmured, already unable to keep her eyes open.

* * *

Anna tapped her foot impatiently as she waited in the checkout line of the crowded cafeteria. Why were there so many people visiting this early in the morning? Rapunzel was rubbing her eyes beside her, and together they were trying very hard to ignore the attention that their formal attire wrought. She uncomfortably shifted her weight onto her other leg.

Before she could say anything, her phone went, buzzing in her clutch. The caller ID told her that it was Kristoff. She made an exasperated noise as she balanced her tray with one hand, and answered, "Hey," as evenly as she could.

"Hey, Anna," breathed a hushed voice on the other end. "I… uh... just wanted to see what's up. Is Elsa okay?"

It was Anna's turn to feel remorseful. Recalling the manner she had left him yesterday, bewildered and disappointed, she replied, tone apologetic. "Yeah, she's fine. Thanks for asking. Sorry about, um, yesterday."

"Oh. Okay. Glad she's okay. Um…"

There was a long silence.

"Do you wanna break up?"


	19. Finally

"Never mind," Kristoff whispered when she didn't respond.

"Could we talk about it on Monday?" Anna could barely get the words out between fatigue and surprise at his sudden question.

"Yeah. 'Bye."

Click.

"Who was that?" Rapunzel mumbled curiously, despite her drooping eyelids, when Anna hung up the call.

"Kristoff," she admitted, too sleepy to think up a lie.

"Oh, he okay?"

Anna was quiet, but Rapunzel didn't press because they were both busy covering their mouths as yawns escaped them.

They quietly paid for the food on their trays and as soon as they were done Rapunzel took a long draught of coffee and Anna her hot chocolate. A bit more awake now with caffeine and sugar coursing through them, they rode the elevator to Ariel's floor, and found Elsa sitting outside, head tilted off one shoulder, resting lightly against the alabaster wall, fast asleep. Her bandaged hands and arms were resting lightly on her lap.

After taking in the sight of the black outfits of Ariel's bodyguards outlining the white hallway, Anna noticed Alistair eyeing her warily, unsure of what to do about his unconscious charge.

She set her tray down, and leaned over to brush a lock of platinum blonde hair out of her sister's eyes, letting her fingers rest ever so lightly on the pale skin of the blonde's forehead. Her sister's once-cold skin was burning and sweaty. Alarmed, she put a hand to Elsa's brow, and found it feverish under her palm.

"I think she has a fever," she worriedly divulged to Alistair, who motioned for a man in similar attire to locate hospital personnel.

After a couple moments, her sister had a hospital bed of her own, and, after some insistence on Anna's part, situated next to Ariel. The nurse explained that the fever was probably just natural response to having been sitting drenched on the cold floor for so long, or a possible infection from the grazes on her arms and knees. To be safe, they fixed Elsa on an intravenous drip to replenish her electrolytes, in case the cause of her fever was dehydration.

When the hospital was open to non-familial visitors, Gerda brought Anna a change of clothes, and insisted that Rapunzel return home to placate her worried parents. Convinced that Anna would be fine after Gerda's return, Rapunzel complied, allowing Anna's chauffeur to drive her home.

Feeling more refreshed after a quickly rinsing her face and removing the traces of mascara and eyeliner that had been smudged by the rain, Anna changed out of her dress and proceeded to wolf down one chocolate chip muffin for breakfast. Okay, three. And then washed them down with large cup of hot chocolate.

Sugar coursing through her veins, she was remarkably more awake than she had been an hour ago. Of course, this also meant she was back to her normal routine of being struck by her sister's beauty every time let herself rest her wandering gaze. Elsa had a precious look of peace when she was sleeping, something Anna rarely saw because the blonde always wore a mask of indifference underlaid with caution and unease.

To her dismay, Gerda had taken the liberty of bringing her homework along with her clothes, to 'help her pass the time'. Grumbling, but bored, she plopped herself on the leather armchair in the corner of the room beside Elsa's bed, where there was a gap of light streaming through the edge of the curtain, flipped open her math binder and got to work, the steady beeps of Elsa and Ariel's patient monitors echoing in the background.

She was almost done all the questions when she heard Elsa weakly mumbling something almost inaudible. She raised her head to find her sister's previous peaceful expression replaced by one of panic, brows furrowed, lower lip quivering, frantically whispering, almost as if she were… begging?

The noticeable increase in the beeping of Elsa's monitor was confirmation that she was having a nightmare. Throwing down her papers, Anna rushed over to sit on the edge of her sister's bed, and shook the unconscious blonde gently in an attempt to wake her. "Elsa," Anna whispered, not wanting to disturb Ariel, "Elsa, wake up. It's me, Anna!"

Her sister was a light sleeper to begin with, so Anna's soft pleas and movements were enough to shake her out of her nightmarish trance. Glazed blue eyes met hers, widened in fear, as if whatever was in the nightmare was still a threat, and then calmed after Anna pressed a warm hand to her sister's cheek. "Are you okay?"

To Anna's surprise, and discouragement, Elsa's only response was to roll over in the bed so that her back was facing the redhead, pulling her legs to her chest, and burying her face into the pillow. Anna wouldn't have been able to tell her sister was crying if not for the silhouette of Elsa's shoulders shaking with each stifled sob.

Bewildered and concerned, Anna reached out with a hand to gently stroke her sister's back, but the gesture only evoked a shudder from the blonde's contorted form, and she quickly withdrew it. "Elsa," she begged, "What's wrong?"

There was a long moment of silence, save for quiet whimpering and beeping, before Elsa responded with a shaky breath, "I'm okay. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"No—why are you apologizing? It's normal to have nightmares." Anna looked away, fiddling with her hands. She had only just recently learned of how her sister would comfort her whenever she had a nightmare in their childhood, so she had been determined to return the favour, but Elsa's rejection had caused deep-seated feelings of inadequacy to bubble from within her. Was she really that unreliable?

By now, Elsa had wiped away her tears with her sleeve and rolled over on her back, turning her head to face her sister. Registering the hurt in Anna's eyes, she grabbed her sister's hand with a vigor that surprised the redhead, and murmured, "I'm used to dealing with it on my own like this."

"You shouldn't," Anna returned the blonde's apologetic gaze with a determined one, "You shouldn't have to deal with it by yourself. You always made sure I didn't."

Elsa smiled, affection turning her eyes a warm cobalt. "Then give me a kiss on the forehead and make me feel better," she half-joked.

Anna beamed back at her, and leaned forward to brush her lips against the blonde's forehead, but she misjudged the distance in the faint light, bumping her knee on the mattress. She jerked forward with a hushed noise of surprise, and the kiss that was meant for her sister's forehead fell on the soft curve of her sister's lips instead.

The feeling was overwhelming, electric, a thousand times better than what she'd felt in her dreams. Every molecule in her body was burning and screaming at her to move her mouth, to really  _feel_  Elsa's lips, to  _taste_  her. She had to struggle to stay still, having completely lost the will to pull away.

She was shaken from her reverie when she felt Elsa's hand tighten around hers. Abruptly, she tore herself away, and found herself staring into the glowing light blue of her sister's irises in the faint light.  _Oh god, what was—what am—what was I doing?!_

She fervently hoped the darkness would cover up the deep red blush that she no doubt wore at this moment. "S-sorry! I tripped! It's dark and the mattress was there—I mean it's always there, but it was more  _there_  than I thought—" she stammered, trying not to sound as enamored as she felt.

She hadn't noticed the quickened beeping of the heart rate monitor attached to her sister until the older girl suddenly pulled the leads off and the monitor flat-lined. "This thing is broken," Elsa grumbled shakily. "It's fine, Anna, I was just surprised."

"O-oh, okay," Anna replied quickly, not registering the implications of the heart rate monitor.

There was an awkward silence until a frantic nurse poked her head into the room. "Is everything all right, dear?" Noting the girl's detached leads, she added, "Those need to stay on."

"Yes, fine, I'm fine, everything's fine," Elsa replied, regaining her composure, despite the throbbing of her ribcage.

The woman crossed the room and checked her chart, "It seems you're almost done ready to go, anyway." Turning to Anna, she said, "Do you mind coming with me to fill out discharge papers?"

Anna nodded, grateful for the opportunity to not embarrass herself any further.

* * *

As soon as her sister left the room, Elsa let out a sigh of relief. Her hand involuntarily came up to touch her lips as she relived the feeling of Anna's soft mouth pressing against hers, her heart breaking into a sprint again. And the way the redhead had blushed after.  _God, that was adorable._

The blasted heart rate monitor had almost given her away. It was a good thing that her sister was too flustered by her accident to notice, or she probably could have guessed that Elsa's reaction was  _too_  positive.

It had taken all of her self-control to keep herself from tangling her hand in her sister's gorgeous strawberry blonde hair and turn the accident into a deliberate kiss.

A snicker interrupted her thoughts, and she sat up in alarm, squinting her eyes to make out Ariel grinning smugly at her a few feet away.

"Y-you were awake?" Elsa sputtered. "How long?"

"Long enough." A smile was in Ariel's reply. And then, " _Ow._ "

"Do you want me to up your morphine?" Elsa slid off the bed, sticking her feet in the hospital slippers.

"No. The physical pain helps combat the… other one. Also, I want to be angry with you like you deserve," Ariel parroted.

The words incited another burn of shame despite the underlying humour. "So, are you?"

Ariel blinked at her. "Surprisingly, no. Maybe I'm more benevolent than I thought." Another chuckle. "Also, watching you dance awkwardly around her is hilarious. It's so rare to see you flustered."

Elsa flushed again. "I'm so glad I could entertain you." There was a hint of sarcasm, accompanied by the relief of her friend's reply.

"So when are you gonna tell her?"

"I see being drugged had nothing to do with your poor judgement," Elsa exhaled heavily, seating herself on the edge of Ariel's bed.

The girl pouted. "Just because I think falling in love with someone is natural and can't be controlled, doesn't mean I have  _poor_  judgement. You, on the other hand, need to grow a pair and just tell her."

"I told you, it's wrong! It's sick! Sisters don't fall in love!"

"You don't really think that."

"Yes, I do!"

"If you did, then how did you fall in love with her in the first place?"

Elsa bit her lip.

"See, even  _you_  don't believe yourself." Ariel laughed again, and then clutched at her side with her unhurt hand. "Ow. I should really stop doing that. Go home, go shower, and clear your head. Maybe then you'll see sense."

"I am not leaving you here alone," Elsa protested.

"I'll be fine. I could use some time without you. Also, I need you to cover all the work I'll be missing," The redhead grinned again.

Elsa groaned irritably at the thought of the piles and piles of papers that would be waiting for her when she returned to the office the next day. It was a good thing that her mother was not in town, she thought, or she would have already been viciously rebuked for missing today.

She sighed again in defeat, gave Ariel's hand a squeeze, and then turned to exit the room when Anna burst back in, almost bumping into her.

It was impossible to miss the delicious blush that crept onto the redhead's cheeks when she registered the sight of Elsa, standing so close.

The blonde felt dizzy from the rush of blood to her face again.

Unfortunately, Anna missed the pink colouring on Elsa's pale cheeks when she quickly ducked away, embarrassed at the rash manner in which she entered, and noticed that Ariel was conscious. "H-hey, Ariel! How are you feeling?"

"Everything is sore, but I'm okay," Elsa could tell, just from the amusement in Ariel's voice, that the girl was trying very hard to not burst out laughing again. "Elsa was just leaving."

"Oh." Anna's eyes darted from Ariel to Elsa, and back. "Can I stay?"

"Oh, I would love that!" Ariel exclaimed, her grin stretching from ear to ear as she glanced at Elsa, the alarm in the blonde's eyes making her smile even wider.

"Anna, you shouldn't disturb Ariel if she wants to sleep," Elsa replied, shooting her ex-girlfriend a glance that said  _I'll kill you if you tell her_. Ariel rolled her eyes in response.

"Don't worry, Elsa, I won't tell her about the time you had to Google 'lol' at Oxford. Oops," Ariel raised her hand to cover her mouth mockingly. Anna was trying to hide a smile now, too.

Elsa's blush almost reached her ears. "You better not," She grumbled, as she slammed the door behind her.

* * *

A shower, as it turned out, was extremely welcome, Elsa realized as she let the water wash away the grime, dirt, and memories of last night. She tried, once again, to futilely wash away the unbearably pleasant feeling of Anna's kiss along with it, and once again, failed to do so. If she thought the intensity of her affection for her sister was growing exponentially before, then they were off the charts now.

She slammed her head into the marble wall of the shower as she involuntarily thought about how unacceptably attractive the redhead looked with a blush dusting the freckles on her heart-shaped face. And how endearing her little sister's rambling  _always_  was.

What was  _wrong_  with her?

_I'm in love with my baby sister._

_No, I'm not. I can't be._

Ariel's words returned to her.

Even you _don't believe you._

Groaning as her logic lost the fight against her emotions, she dejectedly turned off the water and stepped out to dry off, pulling on her clothes before looking in the mirror to dry her hair.

By the time she was done, she realized that visiting hours at the hospital were over, and exhaustion finally caught up with her. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

* * *

Anna rested her head against the cool glass of the window as her driver pulled the car over in the drop off zone of Arendelle High. Kristoff was waiting for her, like he always did, at the front of the school. This time though, she was dreading the prospect of approaching him.

She hadn't seen Elsa since her sister went home from the hospital on Saturday afternoon, and she had spent the rest of the afternoon laughing with Ariel about the nurses, doctors, and listening to the older girl's anecdotes about mischiefs at Oxford.

There was something about the way Ariel told them that was different from how she had spoken about Elsa before; there was only friendship now, the hint of proprietorship that had been underlying the older girl's speech during the time they went dress shopping was gone. Anna wasn't sure if that was because Ariel was in pain or if it had something to do with her accident on Friday, but she didn't want to push the girl into divulging. To her surprise, she actually liked Ariel; they had a lot in common, from their fiery hair to their wicked sense of humour.

With a heavy heart, she stepped out of the car and slowly made her way toward Kristoff, who was still smiling at her, despite the way she'd treated him.

"Hey… uh… how's… everything?" He asked slowly, when she stopped in front of him.

"Kristoff… I'm sorry about… prom…" She started, unable to look him in the eye. She focused on one of the metal beams behind him instead. Bad idea. It reminded her of the time Elsa defended her from Hans, shoving him into the beam after he tripped her. The thought of Elsa now only brought the sting of unrequited love, not to mention violent self-inflicted rebuke, for the wrongful feelings she had. She involuntarily grimaced.

Kristoff was looking at her though, and he hadn't missed her expression. Awkwardly, he brought a hand up to rub his head. "Look, I feel like—I don't know. Ever since you asked me about how you know if you're in love with someone… it got me thinking, you know? And then the way you kissed me back when we were dancing. It was like…" He took a deep breath. "Like you weren't kissing me. Don't ask me how I know. I just kinda felt it. Like that kiss wasn't meant for me. I thought it was the atmosphere at first, that made you kiss me back like that—but then you looked at me like you didn't expect it to be me…"

"Kristoff…"

"It's hard for me, too, okay? But if there's someone else…"

He didn't deserve this. He had only been kind to her, loved her, comforted her. He was there for her when Elsa couldn't be. He deserved someone who actually loved him the way he loved her. Anna stared at the ground as she realized how she shouldn't have led him on like this. Well, there had always been a voice telling her what she was doing was wrong. But she'd selfishly ignored it. She should have been the one to bring this up, not him. He didn't deserve this.

And she certainly didn't deserve him. He deserved the truth, at least. And so she nodded, still not meeting his gaze. She could feel his chocolate brown eyes, which have only ever held warmth and affection when they met hers, now burning a hole at the top of her head as he looked down at her. "I'm sorry, Kristoff. I should've told you earlier."

_If you can't give him genuine love, at least give him a sincere apology. Look him in the eyes and say it._

She glanced up at him, and the lack of anger in the depths of his liquid bronze eyes pierced through her like a spear. "I'm sorry, Kristoff," She said again, biting back tears, returning his still-warm gaze with a remorseful expression of her own.

"I know you're too kind to hurt me on purpose, Anna," He whispered. "It's one of the things I love about you." With that, he pulled her into one last hug before turning around and disappearing through the double glass doors of the school, leaving his girlfriend in the most painless way possible.

* * *

Anna stepped through the door to Ariel's hospital room, and found that the older girl was awake. The large plasma screen television that President del Rey had brought in for her was the most likely cause. The large sixty-inch screen was alive with colour, but Anna could barely make out the shapes through the blur of the tears that were already building in her eyes.

Ariel was surprised to see the younger girl enter her room, considering the latter should have been at school. Her eyes widened at the tears in Anna's eyes, and exclaimed, "Anna! What happened? Are you okay? Should I call Elsa?"

Anna could only shake her head. Ariel patted the bed with her uninjured hand and the girl sat down, tears streaming down her face now.

"Why aren't you at school? Did someone hurt you?"

Again, she could only shake her head. "I broke up with Kristoff," She whispered through sniffles.

"Wait a sec, okay? I'll call Elsa." Ariel reached for her phone.

"No! I—I don't want her to know."

Ariel's brows knitted together in confusion, but conceded, grabbing a tissue instead. Handing it to the dejected girl, she inquired carefully, "Why not? I mean—she's your sister. She's the one you always go to when you need someone right? You need  _her_  right now."

The younger girl swallowed. "I—she can't know. She gets sad when she sees me sad and that makes me sadder and I c—I don't—"

The familiar statement got a chuckle out of Ariel. "I think it makes her sadder if you bottle everything up."

"Well, she does it all the time!" Anna suddenly cried, with an intensity that she didn't expect from herself. "I'm sorry," She said, when she caught Ariel's perplexed expression, "I guess I'm thinking about when she—" her voice cracked when she thought about Elsa's nightmare and what had accidentally transpired after it.

Ariel caught the blush on the girl's face and everything clicked into place. Trying to hide a smirk, she breathed, "Anna, do you have a different answer to the question I asked you?"

Inexplicably, Anna knew exactly which question the older girl was referring to. She felt her cheeks burn and she debated lying again. This was her sister's girlfriend, after all. How would Ariel respond if she knew Anna was in love with Elsa?

But lying had never come naturally to Anna. "Yeah," she confessed. "Does it bother you?—Oh, I mean of course it bothers you—I guess what I'm asking is—does it make you angry at me? Could we still be friends? I mean I get it if you don't want to but I kinda like being friends with you, Ariel, and I'm blubbering like a complete idiot right now…"

Ariel shook her head. "It's okay. We, uh, we broke up, actually."

Anna's eyes widened. "Are you okay? Oh, my god, Ariel, I'm so sorry—"

She was a little more than surprised when Ariel merely laughed. "You know, I always thought I was completely smitten with Elsa. Like seeing her made me really excited. But when I woke up in this bed, like  _really_  woke up, I realized that what I wanted from her was something that she was going to give me all along: unwavering friendship. I was just so alone that I thought I was more in love with her than loving her as a friend. I think I was so ecstatic to finally have a friend that my dad wouldn't drive away that I might have mixed that up with infatuation. I was so insecure about our friendship that I wanted to tie her to me with something more. That, and she's really attractive to begin with." Another peal of laughter. "I'm rambling now too, aren't I?"

Anna could only smile back her, rubbing her eyes with the tissue, "Are you really okay?"

Ariel sighed, and Anna could make out an unmistakable hint of disappointment in the older girl's turquoise orbs. "I think I was jealous, too. Because she had you, and I didn't have anyone else when I was growing up. I always knew it would be hard to come between you two. I mean, the way Elsa talks about you, the way her eyes light up when you walk into the room. I should have expected it."

"The way she talks about me?"

Ariel stared at Anna like the latter had spontaneously sprouted antennae. "You don't know?"

Anna blinked. "Know what? I know we're sisters, and I really shouldn't have these feelings for her."

Ariel grinned again, as if she were enjoying some sort of joke with herself. "You love who you love, Anna. As long as you're sure you're  _in_ love."

That, Anna could be sure of. The feelings she had for Elsa were confusing; she didn't know where sisterly love ended and the romantic one started, but she knew they were definitely two distinct feelings. The love she felt for her sister five years ago was undoubtedly different from the kind that sprang into her throat and spurred her heartbeat now whenever Elsa was in the room. "So, wanna help me woo her?" she joked.

A playfully evil expression danced across Ariel's features as she smirked, "Definitely."

* * *

Elsa rubbed her temples as she exited the seventh conference of her day. With her mother away on business, she was expected to make decisions about the allocation of resources for their contract with Falk Industries. She'd spent basically the half the meetings that day listening to the heads of departments arguing about whether more money should be spent on extraction, refinement, distribution, or marketing and when to set the deadline for each, and the other half listening to her accountants and financial advisors trying to discredit anything the department heads were reporting.

Thoroughly irritated with her day, she had Mark and Ivan transcribe each meeting so she could read through the arguments more carefully before making a decision. To be honest, she wasn't entirely confident of her abilities to oversee a project as big as this, despite having been in charge of the European branch of Arendelle Corp for almost a year. Admittedly, the European branch was much smaller than the North American one, but the responsibilities were still the same. But her arrangements here made much more of an impact of the potential success of the company, so naturally, the pressure was higher as well.

She was halfway through when there was a knock on her door, to which she absentminded said, "Enter," and raised her head to see Hans Falk entering her office with Alistair following close behind, eyeing him cautiously.

Hans was once again wearing a suit, something Elsa was still not used to seeing, his copper hair parted on one side. She watched emotionlessly as he approached her desk, and narrowed her eyes when he set a bouquet of cosmos in a colourful array of orange, white, and pink in front of her.

"To the success of this contract," he declared in a steady voice, returning her hostile gaze with a smile.

Fighting the urge to have Alistair throw him out, she decided to be civilized instead, and replied evenly, "Thank you. You may leave."

He feigned hurt, "Elsa, I know you have misgivings, but you could at least give me a chance. After all, we will need to work together when we take over our respective companies."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you tried to make my life hell," she spat.

"I did apologize for that," he said, stuffing his gloved hands in his pockets, "I was hoping we could start over. I admit my approach to getting your attention in high school may not have been… the most mature way of doing it."

She contemplated his words, missing the most obvious meaning, and acknowledged that it would be beneficial to have Falk Industries as a potential partner in the future. "All right, I accept your apology. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

He smiled craftily at her again, "Of course. Thank you for your time." Alistair shut the door behind him as they exited the room.

For some reason, Elsa was unable to shake the feeling of ominous forebode that accompanied their conversation. Already fatigued by the vast expanse of dialogue that was on the documents before her, she settled by attributing it to her habitual response to anything to do with Hans Falk, reaching over and throwing the flowers into the garbage.

Flowers reminded her of Anna, and she refused to let this correlation be tainted by any trace of Hans Falk. The thought of Anna once again brought a flood of welcome but unwelcome memories, the most glaring of which was their accidental kiss. Her face burned as the feeling of her sister's lips upon her own overwhelmed her again, and she found herself thoroughly distracted from the blocks of text before her.

She had been careful to avoid Anna the day before, and, thankfully, her little sister had school today, so the feat was easier to accomplish than yesterday. She wasn't sure if she had the willpower to restrain herself in her sister's presence yet, caught between Ariel's badgering and the craving that she had suppressed for so long.

She dropped her head into her hands as she repeatedly considered the consequences if she were to act on her desire to court her sister, which were the only thing deterring her from confessing her feelings.

First of all, there was the tremendous damage that her proclamation would undeniably do to their sisterly dynamic, something Elsa valued above all else. She practically  _lived_  for her sister's faith and trust; and this would be destroyed if she were to divulge her secret. Undoubtedly. Irrevocably. Assuredly.

Second of all, despite Ariel's assertion that there was nothing wrong, Elsa could not help but consider the social wrath that would be brought upon them, if, somehow, Anna returned her feelings. She had already caused her little sister to be harmed more than once; that was enough, wasn't it?

She had to protect Anna. Even from herself.

Which is why she always made sure that Anna had gone home before she went to visit Ariel.

* * *

"Elsa, you really need to stop avoiding your sister," Ariel chided as the blonde snuck into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Can we not talk about that? I'd much rather talk about how I had to Google 'lol'," Elsa teased, "And the other embarrassing things you told her while I was absent."

"Oh, well, I definitely didn't tell her about that time you went to the washroom and had to text me to bring you toilet paper," Ariel snickered. "Or that time you tried to make spaghetti and it ended up as a huge clump of black crap on the bottom of the pot."

"It sounds like you two had a lot of fun making fun of me," Elsa growled crossly, with a hint of amusement.

"Also, she broke up with Kristoff."

Elsa's expression abruptly changed, "What?"

"Yeah. She spent the entire day in here today and didn't go to school. It was only when Rapunzel called to tell her that there was an assignment due that she went home."

"She—what?" Elsa blubbered. "She spent the day here? Not at school?"

"You would've known this if you weren't avoiding her like she has a deadly virus, Elsa. You can't do this forever."

A sigh. "I know. I just need to figure out how to hide this from her."

"Here's an idea! Don't!"

"Ariel—"

"Don't  _Ariel_  me. Elsa, don't you want to know how she feels? What if she feels the same way? You must feel  _something_  from her."

The blonde shut her eyes. "No. I don't want to know. Not that."

"You are  _killing_  me here! It's obvious you two need each other!"

"I can't  _do_  that to her!"

"Do what to her?! Make her happy? Jesus, do you even hear yourself? You're so caught up in trying to protect her you don't even know what  _she_ wants!"

"This is the problem with you and Anna! You're both so shortsighted! It'd be easier for both of us if these feelings never manifested! Don't you see how it could ruin both our lives?"

"I  _also_  see how it could make you two incredibly happy," Ariel retorted.

They glowered at each other until Elsa let out a heavy exhale. "I can't," she finally whispered.

"I am so done with you. If you don't tell her, I will."

"That would accomplish nothing! I would just vehemently deny it, and it would end up hurting us more than helping!"

The red-haired girl growled in exasperation. "I'll just have to make you see sense."

Elsa wasn't sure if she wanted to.

* * *

"Wow, you look great!" Ariel beamed as Anna emerged from behind the makeshift curtain she had installed in the corner of the hospital room.

"A-are you sure about this?" Anna stammered, crossing her arms over the exposed skin of her stomach.

Elsa had been avoiding Anna for an entire week now, and Ariel was getting increasingly sick of it. After their argument failing to persuade the obstinate blonde, the heir to Neptune Corp decided that she needed to do something extreme, something that would clue in Anna to Elsa's feelings, and something that would force Elsa to be unable to deny her feelings any longer.

So she'd called up her fashion designer, who had taken the time to arrange an entire rack of provocative clothing and delivered it to Ariel's hospital room within the week.

"Trust me, Elsa will love it. Even if she says she doesn't. Remember to pose when she comes in," Ariel winked at the younger girl, who was dressed in a creamy pink tube top and celadon miniskirt, complete with a pair of silver platform heels. Her auburn hair was down, draped across her shoulders, wavy and curled around her face, accentuated with green satin ribbons and a white bow.

"She doesn't know I'm here, does she?"

"Nope," Ariel grinned. "She should be here any second now."

As if on cue, the platinum blonde opened the door, looking at her phone, muttering, "Really, Ariel, if you neede—" Her exasperated sentiment was completely lost as she took in the sight of her sister dressed in a tube top that exposed her collarbones and mid-drift, and a miniskirt so high that one could  _almost_  see the curve of her rear. And  _that pose_. She choked on her last words, unable to breathe, and after the briefest pause, abruptly turned and slammed the door behind her, but not before both Ariel and Anna could discern the fervent blush spreading across the blonde's fair skin.

"Um, what now?" Awkwardly, Anna shifted her weight from one leg onto another.

"Don't worry, I got this." Ariel was grinning from ear to ear, peering at her phone. Elsa had just texted her.

_Elsa: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ARIEL_

_Ariel: makin you see sense_

_Elsa: ARIEL SO HELP ME_

_Ariel: elsa pls you know you enjoyed it k_

_Elsa: ARIEL YOU ARE SO DEAD MAKE HER CHANGE NOW_

_Ariel: yknow, Anna's tryin on bikinis next, so if youre interested, come back_

_Elsa: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARIEL_

The amused smile Ariel was sporting was almost too big to fit on her face. "Was that a clear indication of how your sister feels?"

Anna blushed a deep pink, matching the colour of her top. She let out a nervous laugh, "Oh yeah, definitely."

Ariel's phone buzzed again.

_Elsa: IM GOING HOME AND YOU BETTER MAKE HER CHANGE OUT OF THAT… THAT… THING. ARIEL. I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. YOU._

Ariel showed Anna the text. "Well, the rest is up to you," she grinned.

Anna beamed back at her and pulled the girl into a tight hug. "Thanks so much!"

"Ow. Ribs. I might be healthy enough to half-stand but I am by no means fully recovered," the older girl winced playfully.

Anna released her and smiled again, slipping off her heels to change back into her sneakers so she could comfortably chase her sister. And tugged the miniskirt slightly lower.

She was halfway out the door when Ariel called out, "Oh, and Anna?"

"Hm?"

"If talking fails, just kiss her."

The redhead gave Ariel a toothy grin. "It would be my pleasure."

* * *

_Frecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfrecklesfreckles…_

…  _those_ damn _tantalizing freckles,_  Elsa thought as she raced through the halls of the hospital as fast as her feet could carry her (her bewildered bodyguards struggling to keep up), covering the lower half of her face with one hand so that curious nurses wouldn't see the humiliating shade of red that she had turned when she saw her gorgeous sister looking so… so…  _tempting._

Hopping into her Benz, she floored the accelerator and drove home as fast as possible. And locked herself in her room, slowly dreading the imminent doom that would be unleashed as soon as Anna got home.

Sure enough, her sister arrived only moments after she did.

"Elsa! Open the door! Can we talk?" Anna pounded on the door.

"Anna! Leave me alone,"  _to wallow in my self-pity_.

"You  _promised_  that this door would always remain open!"

Grumbling, Elsa reluctantly turned the lock on the door, silently pleading Anna to just leave it. No such luck.

The redhead burst into the room, still wearing that unholy outfit, huffing, "Elsa, please, just talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about!" Elsa focused intently on the patterns of the marble floor.

"You've been avoiding me like the plague the entire week! I think that's plenty to talk about!" When Elsa didn't respond, Anna continued, pleading, "It  _hurts_ , Elsa. It hurts when you shut me out. Please."

The blonde sighed in defeat. "What do you want me to say, Anna? That I'm in love with you? That I have been since I was sixteen?" The redhead's eyes widened. "We  _can't_ ," Elsa feebly crossed her arms over her midsection, still not meeting Anna's gaze.

"Why do  _I_  not get a say in this?" Anna demanded, stepping closer to her sister. "I have feelings, too!"

"Please, Anna, I'm just trying to protect you," Elsa murmured, backing up slowly, still averting her eyes.

"Who says you have to protect me? I can fend for myself!"

"I don't want you to be miserable!"

"I'm  _already_  miserable! Please, Elsa! Don't you see? I  _love_  you! I don't want anyone else! I don't  _care_  what the consequences are, as long as you're happy and I'm happy!"

"Anna—"

"Stop it, Elsa. Get rid of that stupid sense of responsibility before it drives me crazy. You're not responsible for me. I am. I'm almost eighteen. I'm basically an adult. I can make my own decisions. And I have never been surer of anything than when I say I want you. I have since—Oh, I don't know! Ever since I realized how  _empty_  I am without you!"

By now Anna had Elsa backed up against a corner of her room. The blonde was biting her lip, the wild, fearful look in her eyes telling Anna that she was debating whether to stay or flee. She took a step closer.

"Please don't—"

"I  _want_  you, Elsa. So much that it  _hurts_ ," Anna leaned forward, close enough that she could feel her sister's cool breath raggedly escaping from her quivering lips.

They were both furiously blushing now, and Elsa couldn't hear anything beyond the roar of blood rushing through her ears. Her self-control slipping, she let herself tilt downward slightly, so that her lips were barely touching Anna's, the pounding of her heartbeat drowning out all other voices of reason.

And suddenly Anna's arms were like iron chains around her neck, hands cupping the back of her head, but they were not the first thing she noticed as her younger sister pressed their mouths together. This time neither of them were drunk, and it was not an accident.

The overwhelming pleasure of her sister's soft mouth tugging at her bottom lip was Elsa's undoing.

Finally unleashing the emotions that she kept hidden for so long, she hastily wound one hand through the lush waterfall of Anna's silky chestnut hair, anchoring the other on the small of her back, until they were impossibly close, and returned the kiss with a ferocity that she did not know she was capable of.

Anna rolled her head back to allow her sister easier access, and opened her mouth, letting the blonde's tongue dominate her and slide inside. They tasted each other, relished the feeling of one another and finally showing the other exactly how much they had been holding back, and how much more they wanted.

There was fire everywhere, because Anna was everywhere, so close, so electric, each time her little sister's hands moved shooting waves of pleasure through Elsa's body, becoming more noticeable as they pulled away to gasp for air, panting, gazing into each other's eyes.

Anna's teal eyes were half lidded and dark with desire, and Elsa almost lost herself again. She took a deep breath, and steeled herself.

"Now tell me you didn't want that," Anna whispered, breath tickling the skin of her sister's neck as she buried herself into the curve of Elsa's clavicle, pressing them closer against the wall, listening to the throbbing of her own heart in harmony with the pounding of her older sister's.

"That's what I've been trying to tell myself for three years," Elsa murmured into Anna's hair before planting another kiss to her temple, "Obviously it didn't work."


	20. Lies, Part I

Anna pressed her lips to Elsa's racing pulse, and in that moment neither of them expected the feral growth that erupted from the back of Elsa's throat. Almost forcefully, Elsa brought the hand that was tangled in Anna's hair to cup her face and drag her chin upward.

When their lips met a second time, it was nothing like the first one. The first one was guarded in comparison. Desperate, yes, but still hesitant, unsure. This one was fueled by unfiltered, unbridled desire, bordering on lust, any remaining uncertainty wiped away by the residual heat of the first kiss, replacing it with an inferno that spread like wildfire the moment they found each other again.

Elsa let out an airy moan as Anna returned the ardor by nipping at her lower lip and crushing their bodies closer together, if it were even possible. Elsa could feel everything now, with Anna pressed flush against her, legs half-straddling one of her thighs. The hips wrapped around her clouding her thoughts. And then the heaving of Anna's chest as they whispered wordless secrets into each other stopped all cognition entirely. The sensation was overwhelming. She couldn't think. She could only feel.

The second kiss was a passionate dialogue. A heady, iridescent conversation, but a conversation nonetheless, coloured by sounds of pleasure and heavy breathing.

It wasn't until Elsa felt Anna's warm hands ghost over the skin of her hip, under her shirt, that she realized exactly where this was going.

A sharp instinct, almost fearful, piercing through the fog of desire and lust, seized her, and she abruptly gripped Anna's shoulders, hands travelling downward until she was holding her sister's wandering ones.

Breathless, she pushed Anna back, and fought the urge to look down because Anna was still wearing that damned  _tube top_ , registering the confusion on her sister's face at her sudden interruption.

"We should…" she grasped at the right word, "… talk."

"Talking can wait," Anna muttered, eyes still dark with desire, focused intently on Elsa's lips.

Elsa struggled to reign herself in. "Yes, until after you get change out of that abominable outfit," she grumbled, an attempt to change the atmosphere. She loosened her hold on her sister, trying not to look further south than the girl's half-lidded eyes. Nope. Not working.

Anna peered up at her with a dash of amusement gracing her irises. "Would you like to help?"

Elsa blinked and attempted to redirect her gaze, face burning. "Anna. That's not what I meant. Get changed."

The finality in her voice told Anna that the passionate moment was over. Disappointed, the younger girl pouted and skipped, albeit provocatively, out of her older sister's room, throwing a, "You better not lock the door again," over her shoulder.

Elsa only smiled in response.

When Anna was gone, Elsa sank to her knees, tilting her head back against the wall, heart still thumping painfully against her ribcage. A sinking apprehension grew in her belly as she realized just how close Anna's hands had been to touching—

No, she would not go there. She would not think about  _them_. Much less the one who put them there.

How could she have been so foolish to think that she could have a normal relationship with Anna, even if the latter returned her feelings? There was one door that she had savagely kept shut her entire life that she would have to inevitably open to her sister if they were going to pursue a working relationship. Not a door, more like an iron gate. A locked gate that arrested black secrets, which would undoubtedly destroy Anna if they were released. A gate that should never be mentioned, much less touched or opened.

But it had just come so close to opening. And it was horrifying to Elsa; a door that she'd spent almost her entire life keeping closed had come so close to opening because she had absolutely no self-control when it came to Anna. The moment Anna touched her, Elsa's self-control had evaporated into thin air. No matter how many walls and locks she put up between herself and Anna, they always came crumbling down eventually. Anna always knew her way through Elsa's defenses.

It was terrifying. She could not let that self-discipline slip again. She wasn't even thinking about her actions when they were kissing, running entirely on instinct and carnal desire, looking only to feed her hunger. She couldn't let that happen again.

This door was different. It had to be.

This one would have to remain closed. She could not bear the consequences of its unlocking. She would die before she allowed this gate to open. Or maybe her life would end upon its opening. There was no real difference anyway.

"Hey! Okay, let's talk—why are you on the floor?" Anna bounded back into her room, curiously taking in Elsa's fetal position against the wall.

"Oh," Elsa scrambled to her feet. Anna had changed into a double-tee, coral with black underneath, and a pair of white denim capris, her silky hair catching fire as she stepped into a spot that was occupied by the rays of the setting sun. For some reason, she didn't look any less enticing to Elsa than she had before. "Just thinking."

"About what?" Anna leaned forward, blocking the spot on the ground that Elsa was focusing so intently on.

"How we're going to handle… us," Elsa sighed heavily.  _And how I'm going to handle keeping my hands off you._

Anna only smiled and reached to intertwine their fingers. "I don't care, as long as we stay together."

 _Are you even aware of what you do to me?_  Elsa was close to growling again merely at the proximity of their hands. The kiss had opened the floodgates to the feelings that Elsa had tried so hard to keep under control, and now she was grasping for the last shreds of the discipline that she spent her entire life developing.

When she didn't respond, Anna stood on the tip of her toes and whispered, "I'm hungry."

Elsa tried to hold back her amusement, but to no avail. She held a hand to her mouth to hold back her laughter; instead, it came out in suppressed giggles. This was so like Anna, the ability to melt away all anxiety and apprehension, to cleanse negativity.

Anna glared at her indignantly. "What? You have no idea how long it took me and Ariel to put that outfit together! I had to go through almost half the rack to find something that she thought was sexy enough! I even skipped lunch for you! And you laugh at me!"

"Yes, that's a criminal offense in Anna-land." Elsa had to take a deep breath to calm herself, shoulders still shaking from laughter.

"You better watch yourself, or I'm going to kiss you again," Anna threatened, still unimpressed by her sister's mirth.

The hilarity of the moment interrupted by Anna's unintended seductive tone, Elsa shook her head. "May I say something?"

"When did you ever need my permission?"

Elsa grinned. "Do you want to make a pizza?"

They both burst out laughing.

The last time they tried to bake a pizza was when their parents were both away on business; Elsa was nine and Anna seven. But the memory of the experience was clear as day in their minds, mostly because of the hefty scolding Gerda had given them after. Anna had wanted to make a pizza; she goaded Elsa into it after an extensive obsession with the cooking channel, and was so adamant to try her hand. Elsa, despite being heavily against it, had agreed to participate out of concern that her clumsy sister would somehow hurt herself on the kitchen equipment.

It was the middle of the night when the giddy girls snuck into the kitchen on their adventure. Alas, they only got as far as dragging the sack of flour out of the pantry when Anna grabbed a handful of the white powder and threw it at her sister as she would a snowball. Unfortunately, flour was obviously not the same as snow, and it flew everywhere, dusting the platinum blonde with a light coat of alabaster. Elsa, never one to back down from what she considered a challenge from Anna, hastily reciprocated, and they ended up using the flour as makeshift snow on the floors, counters, and cabinets of the kitchen, rolling and flinging it upon each other.

Of course, the giggling and shrieking had woken up the entire house. More like shook the entire house until everyone had to be awake. Gerda had come rushing down, but nothing could have prepared her for the shocking sight of the entire kitchen covered in thick sheets of flour. Of course, she had furiously reprimanded the girls to the best that her gentle demeanor allowed, and made them clean up their mess as punishment. But she had never been one to deny the girls a little bit of fun, all things considered.

They were giggling now, just like they had ten years before. The only difference was that this time the flour was not being using in projectile warfare.

"You  _do_  know how to do this, right?" Elsa murmured skeptically as she measured the flour.

"Oh, how hard could it be? You just put flour and water together, and voila!" Anna danced around the kitchen, grabbing various pieces of equipment from the oak cabinets, after unceremoniously shooing the chefs from their natural habitat. "Why are you measuring? You don't need to measure! Just throw them together! Oh, and throw in some of the herbs from the spice rack!"

"Dear god," Elsa shook her head again at her sister.

"Don't worry, it won't end up like the time you tried to make spaghetti and burned it because you forgot to stir," the redhead chided, casting Elsa a mocking glance. "For all your common sense, you'd think you'd remember that you need to  _stir_."

Elsa sputtered, temporarily unable to summon a comeback, the humiliating memory at the forefront of her thoughts. "Yes, because we're never going to  _get_  there! Look at this!" she motioned to the soggy mush forming in the mixing bowl before her as Anna dumped some water into it.

Anna frowned. "It probably just needs more flour. Here," she filled the mixing bowl to the brim with flour. "Now we need to knead it. Oh—and herbs!" She hopped away to collect said ingredients.

Elsa stared at the metal mixing bowl that housed the mountain of flour, unsure of what to do. Was she supposed to use her hands? She was hopeless at cooking. Her encounter with the pasta sufficiently proved that. She prodded the mound with a wooden spoon.

Anna returned, clumsily spilling all the bottles of spices onto the granite countertop. "Oops! Heh, well, we'll clean that up later." Noticing Elsa's hesitation, she chirped, "Sis, you're supposed to use your hands."

"Oh." Elsa flexed her hands, still uncertain of what to do.

Anna came up behind her, and Elsa tensed instinctively. "Here," Anna murmured as she put her hands over Elsa's and guided them into the mixture. Anna's chin was resting on Elsa's shoulder, and she didn't seem to notice Elsa's tight posture as she continued to work the mush in front of them. "By the way, I have a game next Friday. Will you come? I want you to watch me play."

Anna's warm breath washed over the skin of Elsa's neck as she spoke, and suddenly Elsa couldn't find the connection between her brain and mouth. Instead, she ducked under Anna's outstretched arm and retracted her hands from the bowl, trying to ignore the expression of hurt on her sister's face. "I-I'm not sure you're doing this right. I'm going to fetch Chef Lumiere," she muttered, hastily wiping her floury hands on a towel to distract herself. "You're hungry, and at the rate this is going we're going to take all night and the next day to finish this thing." Then she all but sprinted out the door.

As per her words, she soon returned, with the indignant Head Chef (who was aghast at the blaspheming abomination in his kitchen) in tow. Feeling more comfortable now that they were not alone, she let the Chef fix the offending dough and tentatively put her hand on her sister's shoulder. "I'll go to your game," she whispered, and hoped it was enough to compensate for her earlier retreat.

It was, and what could she say? Anna was never one to hold grudges. Teal orbits returned her apologetic gaze with an excited one. "Really? Great! We've been practicing really hard for it!"

Elsa could only give an affirmative nod as she felt her sister snuggle into her side. This has to stop, she decided. She needed to stop feeling like a teenage boy in heat every time Anna so much as touched her, or the door that must not be opened is going to open. How did she manage to control herself all those other times that Anna touched her, before they kissed?

Thankfully, since Anna was distracted for the rest of the afternoon by Chef Lumiere's professional display of forming the pizza crust, and by the prospect of piling on ingredients of her choice, Elsa was able to avoid the issue for a while longer.

She almost forgot the issue of their mother's return the next day.

* * *

The carpet was out again. The carpet that was traditionally used to receive the master of the house when they returned from a journey away from home. The carpet that was passed down through the generations of the house of Arendelle, its dark red colour akin to blood as it contrasted with the cool gray marble of the floor.

_The air of rigidity and courteousness was stifling. It seemed everyone was holding their breath as Josef Arendelle stepped back through the front doors of his mansion._

_The entire floor had been waxed and polished, the regal carpet laid out in its splendid golden mahogany, as if welcoming royalty, stretching from the entrance to the shining staircase. The maids were lined up along the long carpet on either side, scarcely moving, as Josef Arendelle strode through the doors, hands at his sides, head high, and down the carpeted pathway._

_There was a flash of ginger, and suddenly the entire foyer seemed to let out a relieved exhale. "Daddy!"_

_Josef knelt to catch his crazed seven-year-old daughter as she raced toward him, arms swinging wildly. Gripping his daughter's sides tightly, he laughed and spun her around in the air once before setting her down again, letting her hug his legs with unbridled affection. "Welcome home, Daddy!"_

" _Thank you, Anna. It's good to be back."_

_Elsa watched the exchange apprehensively from the apex of the staircase as her sister dashed to their father, arms outstretched. Her own instinct was telling her to hide, to create as much distance from this man as possible. But he was her father, who was she to hide from him? It never worked anyway._

_She tried to hate him. But Anna loved him._

_So she had to, too._

_Slowly descending the cold, polished steps, she approached the sovereign of the house. He raised his gaze from the cuddling form of Anna to his other daughter, the warmth from his interaction with Anna promptly dissipating from his face._

" _Welcome home, Father."_

_He gave her a nod, the only acknowledgement that he'd heard her. And then, reaching a hand into his pocket, he produced a small box. Kneeling again, he held it in front of Anna. "This is for you, princess," he smiled at her, eyes crinkling with affection._

" _Thanks, Daddy! I love presents!" Little Anna gave their father a clumsy kiss on the cheek, barely above his bronze mustache. Frowning, she blinked at him and then her sister. "Daddy, where's Elsa's?"_

_He smiled again, but Elsa, despite being only nine, could discern the difference between this display and the previous one. "She'll get hers, too." To Elsa, the words were ominous, cold. Turning back to Anna, he said tenderly, "I hope you two haven't been getting into too much trouble."_

_Elsa cringed internally, knowing what was to come._

" _Oh, oh, we skipped our lessons and played in the snow again yesterday, when Mom wasn't watching!" Then, realizing what she had just confessed, little Anna gasped, "You won't tell her, will you?"_

" _Of course not, Anna. It'll be our secret." Josef Arendelle gave his youngest daughter a swift kiss on the forehead, and turned to his eldest daughter. His words, seemingly warm, brought a chill down Elsa's spine. "It'll be our secret, Elsa."_

She was shaking again, her back on fire. She had no idea why the mere sight of the mahogany carpet laced with golden threads would incite this memory within her, when it hadn't all those other times she'd seen it put out to welcome her mother's return.

Maybe it was a warning. Her subconscious was trying to warn her of the inevitable disaster that her relationship with her sister would bring. That this was a mistake, to add to all the other mistakes that she had been making lately. That every time she made a mistake, there were costs to pay.

She only ever made mistakes when Anna was involved. Her sister seemed to have some intrinsic ability to smother her common sense to the point where she was even able to convince herself that everything was all right.

She looked up as the doors opened; Anna was already rushing down the steps to greet their mother. Alana Arendelle strode through the doors, an air of elegance and authority around her, and toward her youngest daughter.

"Hello, Anna."

"How was Montreal?" Anna seemed undeterred by their mother's cool demeanor. Something she picked up from interacting with Elsa, perhaps.

"Splendid. Where is your sister?"

Anna looked around confusedly, realizing that Elsa was still at the top of the stairs, gripping the handlebars tightly.

Alana Arendelle met Elsa's forced smile with a façade of her own. "I would like to meet with you in my study." With that, she veered off the path of the carpet, her clacking stilettos echoing off the stone walls of the hallway.

Elsa could already guess what this was about.

Her mother's study was an extravagant, ornamented room, complete with portraits of the most successful Arendelle ancestors, glass display cabinets filled with awards, and bookshelves laden with stock records. In the centre of the room, on the hard walnut floor, stood an aristocratic roll top desk, its royal-oak finish shimmering under the sunlight that was streaming in through one of the large fixed windows. Seated behind the desk was her mother, in a black leather chair, her gaze bordering on hostile.

"I heard your foolishness caused Miss del Rey to be injured."

Elsa wondered  _exactly_  how much her mother knew already. "Yes."

"I will not tolerate the Arendelle name to be marred by you any further, do you understand? To think, an Arendelle would be drinking at some disgusting bar in the slums. Just how much do you plan to disgrace yourself?"

Elsa narrowed her eyes. "It was a miscalculation on my part. It will not happen again."

"Fortunately, President del Rey has decided to overlook your idiocy and has not allowed it to affect our dealings with Neptune Corp. It did, however, cost me a courteous increase in the annual payment."

"I will do my best to compensate."

"Your best, Elsa?" Alana replied disdainfully. "How about you show me this 'best' of yours by negotiating a merger with Falk Industries?"

"A merger? I thought—"

"I could care less what you thought. I have decided that since oil is going to be a rare commodity in a few years, it is in the best interest of the company to own as much of the industry as possible. I recently negotiated several mergers with smaller oil companies, but having Falk Industries cooperate with us will be a great asset, especially when prices begin to increase."

Elsa returned her mother's cold, emotionless glare. "I understand. I will schedule a meeting with the president of Falk Industries as soon as possible."

"I heard that Falk Industries is going to have a change in management. President Falk will be stepping down, and his son Hans will be taking his place. You will do well to meet with him privately."

"Privately? Why not call a conference?"

"Elsa, even you must realize the easiest way to assimilate Falk Industries is to simply marry the president. Lucky for you, the next president will be your age," Alana added with a sneer.

It took a moment for the words to sink in. Marry. Her mother expected her to marry Hans Falk.


	21. Lies, Part II

_Anna's eyes were dead. Like the light was gone from them._

_It was the first time Elsa had seen her sister like this. The girl was always so buoyant, so alive, so stubborn, Elsa thought nothing could bring her down. Anna always bounced back. Always. From everything._

_They watched, as the casket was brought into the room and one of their father's close friends, Kai Evenstad, gave a eulogy at the stand._

_Elsa glanced over at her sister, not sure if Anna even heard what the man was saying. Despite all the weeping the younger girl had done when they first received news of his demise, there were no tears now. Elsa wasn't sure which she preferred._

_She felt so helpless. All she could do was clasp her sister's hand tightly, as if she were trying to hold the younger girl together. She wasn't sure if she was watching an implosion or a conflagration. She didn't need to physically see it. It was almost like she could hear it. Which was worse?_

_It was so strange to see no animation on her sister's face. Was that representative of how far gone Anna was? Did the death of their father kill her sister too?_

_Even more than helplessness, she felt an odd twisting where her heart was supposed to be. The person dearest to her was suffering, and she couldn't do a thing to help. It hurt. It really hurt._

_It hurt so much that she wished their father were still alive. She'd rather withstand his belt every day than watch this._

_It was then that she decided she herself hurting was a thousand times better than watching Anna's pain._

Elsa wasn't sure why that memory had come to her now. It wasn't even related to the situation at hand. Was it a reminder that even now, she still hadn't escaped their father's shadow?

She should have expected this. She should have expected that she would be a pawn in her mother's quest for power. She should have known that given the type of world they lived in, there would be no room for humane interaction. She knew that their mother was predisposed to ignoring anyone else's opinions and desires.

Yet, despite all the logic, she still wasn't able to stop the sensation of the floor being pulled out from under her.

Yes, she should have expected this. But that did not make the shock of it any easier to bear.

She expected even less the strange words that flowed from her own mouth. "I wonder, Mother, do you even love us?" Her voice didn't sound like hers. It was foreign, detached.

Even Alana seemed to have been anticipating a different reaction. In spite of that, she laughed humourlessly. "One day you'll realize that everything I'm doing is for you, Elsa. You are excused."

But Elsa didn't leave. "Are you going to marry Anna off, too, to someone else whose company you desire?"

Alana's eyes hadn't left her since her first question. As usual, they were cold, calculating, piercing blue in the low light. "If it's necessary."

The sudden realization that struck her almost knocked the breath out of Elsa. It was so obvious. The real reason their parents didn't pay nearly as much attention to Anna's education as she had to Elsa's; they were raising Anna only as leverage to be spent in return for benefits to the company.

Another question forced its way through the rage that was burning in the forefront of Elsa's mind. Again, unexpected. "Were  _you_  married to Father against your will?"

"You are excused." Alana opened one of the files on her desk, a signal that the conversation is finished.

"I'm not going to marry Hans Falk just because it makes it  _easier_  to assimilate his company." The blue eyes snapped to Elsa's again. Before her mother could respond, she asserted, "And I won't let you marry Anna to him, either." She felt almost smug that she was so familiar with their mother's tactics that she could counter them before the woman even fired them. "This time, Mother, it matters what  _I_  want."

Alana raised one eyebrow at her daughter's defiance, looking intrigued. "Oh?"

"Yes, because I am the heir. And I am going to prove to you that I will not need to use these petty tactics to secure the future of the company."

As she turned to leave, she heard a chuckle behind her. "Finally, you've grown a spine."

Elsa let out the air she'd been holding in since she left her mother's study when she entered her room and sank into her chair. The weight of her declaration was just beginning to hit her.

She wasn't ready for this. She hadn't even taken the liberty of accompanying her mother to any of the merger conferences to learn exactly how to persuade the CEO of another company into agreement. If anything, she was feeling the exact opposite. Even in her childhood, she was the submissive one, the obedient one, the follower, not the leader. Yes, she could command the respect and attention of an entire conference room of men. But that was only because she was good at  _acting_  like she knew what she was doing; the mask she wore was acquired from her interactions with her mother and hiding her feelings from Anna.

 _What_  was she going to do? If she failed, consequences would be dire for both of them; their mother would see that she was obviously not ready for leadership and most likely force them both into marriage for the benefit of the company.

Of all the lessons that she had been forced to take, proper social interaction was not one of them. Yes, she had manners and courtesies on par with the Queen of England, but her oratory skills were less than satisfactory when it came to argumentation and public speaking. She hated attention, partly because of her habitual isolation, partly because the only people she ever felt comfortable speaking with were Anna and Ariel.

Giving presentations in front of a lecture hall full of her peers was one thing; the projects were carefully prepared and delivery of the material did not rely on participation from the audience.

Arguments and debates on the other hand, they terrified her. They were different from meticulously planned presentations, because she could only guess at what the opposition was going to disclose. She couldn't write a rigid script, or know exactly what she was going to say, because she couldn't precisely determine what responses she would incur.

And not knowing was terrifying. Because it detracted from the control of the situation, the absolute control that her father had ironed into her. Because without control, she was bound to make mistakes.

And mistakes were  _costly_.

And she was not about to make another one. She absolutely could not afford to make another mistake.

The thought of her father brought another glaring issue to her mind.

She realized, too late, that thoughtlessly blurting her feelings to Anna was a grave mistake. She should never have allowed her emotions to get the better of her. She should have controlled it, vehemently denied it, and maybe then she would have been able to remedy the damage that had already been caused.

Their relationship, if it proceeded to be romantic, would no doubt destroy them both in more ways than one. It had to be stopped, before it took root any deeper in her heart.

She already let it go too far. It needed to be stopped. Even if it meant pain for both of them. But, at least, this pain would heal; it would be better than the complete and absolute heartbreak that Anna would suffer if she found out the truth about their father. The truth that ran thick and deep across the skin of Elsa's back. Elsa couldn't do that to her.

Anna absolutely  _adored_  their father. Elsa could tell, even at a young age, that he was Anna's idol. The way her face lit up when he looked at her. The way her eyes shone when she looked at him. The excitement that coloured her voice when she talked about him.

The utter heartbreak that had seized her entire body when he died.

And Elsa would have regarded him the same way, if not for…

She clenched her jaw. Control.

" _Why are you crying? I'm the one who fell," her seven-year-old self asked the weeping redhead beside her. Elsa had accidentally fallen on black ice and scraped her elbow._

_It didn't hurt. Not really. It was Anna bursting into tears beside her that really hurt her._

" _I don't know," the five-year-old sobbed. "It hurts."_

_Sympathy pain, one of the doctors called it. Anna loved her big sister so much that she even shared her pain._

The memories were just getting worse, Elsa thought wryly. But if Anna had cried at a puny scrape on Elsa's elbow, then how would she feel if she saw the scores of scars that zigzagged across Elsa's back? Would she feel each and every one of them as if the pain were fresh?

Elsa cringed.

And how much worse would Anna feel if she had known it was her father, the one she adored and looked up to, that put them there? That every time she told their father one of the secret adventures they went on, Elsa was punished severely for it later?

Maybe Alana Arendelle was right. Maybe Elsa would be better off without love and feeling.

So she chose the lesser of two evils.

* * *

Anna fidgeted on her bed, texting Rapunzel while she waited for Elsa to return from their mother's study.

_Rapunzel: hey so did you fix stuff with elsa? she still avoiding you?_

Anna chewed her lip. Aside from Ariel, no one else knew about the nature of Anna's feelings for Elsa.

_Anna: punzey_

_Rapunzel: yeah?_

_Anna: we'll be frds no matter what right?_

_Rapunzel: ofc silly_

_Anna: ok…_

_Rapunzel: wats wrong?_

_Anna: well… tbh im in love w/ elsa_

_Rapunzel: you… WHAT?_

_Anna: pls punzey im telling you becuz i trust you_

_Rapunzel: wow anna way to spring this on me_

_Anna: sry?_

_Rapunzel: is that why you broke up w/ kristoff?_

_Anna: kinda_

_Rapunzel: idk what to say… its kinda weird being in love with your sister_

_Anna: you dont need to remind me shes my sister_

_Rapunzel: look its just rly hard for me to understand ok… like i cant even imagine being in love w/ one of my cousins let alone a brother or sister if i had one_

_Anna: punzey…_

_Rapunzel: anna, im still your frd. i just… its rly hard to accept it, ok? i love you, and i want you to be happy, but… its just so sudden_

Anna sighed. It wasn't like she hadn't expected this. She knew the feelings she had for Elsa were a social taboo, and that many people would be against it. Ariel's quick acceptance was surprising, to say the least. Her phone buzzed again.

_Rapunzel: k you know what? as long as youre happy, its good enough for me. im not going to judge_

_Anna: thx punzey, love you_

_Rapunzel: does elsa know? what did she say?_

_Anna: i think she feels the same way? im still kinda processing it too_

_Rapunzel: wow… ok_

At the thought of Elsa, Anna suddenly had an aching need to see her. She wondered what the heck she was doing in her own room and not Elsa's. Typing a quick goodbye to Rapunzel, she hopped to the door and down the hall, surprised to find her sister already back. "Elsa!"

Elsa's face was buried in her hands, but she immediately looked up as Anna called her name, and smiled. "Hi."

Anna frowned. This smile was wrong. It didn't reach her eyes. It was the kind of mundane, banal smile that she politely used with business partners and representatives. Anna had seen her father put on the exact same smile when he was still alive, when Arendelle manor hosted balls and parties. "Everything okay?" Anna cursed herself immediately for asking that. Of course, Elsa would say everything was okay. But some part of her was wishing that it would be different this time, that Elsa would actually tell her.

Elsa smiled again, and this time it was that perfect smile. The perfectly fabricated smile. The smile that hid everything, which at the same time meant that something was off. "Of course."

Naturally, the fake smile also meant that Elsa was not going to tell her anything. She decided to change the subject. "Um, so I told Rapunzel about us," Anna began.

She saw a shadow cross Elsa's face. Her sister narrowed her eyes. "Anna, I've been thinking." Elsa's tone was professional, practiced, even. "We shouldn't be together. It was my mistake."

Anna's heart dropped, and she stared incredulously into Elsa's unyielding blue eyes, searching for any hint that her sister was joking. "Elsa, why? I  _love_  you. You're perfect. We talked about this. I told you I don't care if it's wrong."

"But I do," Elsa replied slowly, her eyes still not betraying anything. "And I would like for us to go back to being just sisters." The phrase sounded painfully professional.

" _I'd_  really like for you to stop running away!" Anna retorted, unable to control the hurt that Elsa's rejection wrought.

Her sister's expression seemed to soften. "Anna, believe me, it's better this way."

" _How_  is it better, Elsa?  _How_? Is it better for us both to hurt? It's better to shove away exactly what we need? Please, we can figure this out, together!"

"No, Anna." Elsa's voice was diplomatic, still impassive. "I was—" she seemed to be grasping for control now "—wrong. I don't—" Anna thought she saw Elsa's jaw clench "—love you. Not like that. I'm sorry."

The apology seemed so detached, so foreign. So empty. Never had Elsa apologized so emotionlessly to her before.

It took Anna a moment to register Elsa's words. Her voice shaking, she asked, "You don't love me?" It was clear which love she meant.

"No."

Again, a hollow word. But the emptiness of the word stung like a slap in the face. Suddenly Anna couldn't breathe. It was as if it were her last breath of air. If she let it out it would all be over. She felt like she was falling, tumbling, crashing, all at once. And at the same time, she was brittle, like her very core was crumbling. Like if someone so much as breathed on her, she would disintegrate into the air.

_So this is what it feels like when the world ends._

It was as if she caught a glimpse of what Elsa was feeling when she was catatonic on the hospital floor only a week or so ago.

There was a pain in her chest. She couldn't tell if it came from the lack of air, or Elsa's words.

She heard her own voice speak. "No.  _No,_  you don't mean that." It was choked, strained, small. Weak. She wasn't even sure if it was hers.

It was like that dream all over again, the one where Elsa had said  _I don't need you anymore_.

Only this time it was real.

The room was spinning. She was spinning. She didn't even notice that Elsa was no longer in front of her.

* * *

Elsa raced down the stairs and into the garage, vaguely aware that Alistair and some others had taken up step behind her.

She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she didn't want to be here.

It was that look again. As if the light had literally drained from Anna's eyes when Elsa uttered those words.

_But this time, I did it to her._

For all the self-control that her father branded her with, he hadn't taught her how to kill her own heart and have it remain dead. This would be so much easier if he had.

She was filled with rage. At him, for tainting her with those marks that she couldn't hide. For forcing her into choosing this.

But mostly she was angry with herself. For being so weak-willed in front of Anna, for being so obvious in front of Ariel. Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes.

The anger helped mask the pain. Temporarily.

And then it all hit her. Everything hurt. Like some frigid blizzard was raging in her heart, half-freezing everything, wreaking havoc, but not enough to numb her.

Suddenly, she was so ready to just drive her car into a tree and end it. But that would hurt Anna even more.

She couldn't do that.

But she already had.

And now, she had made her very existence a pain for herself and her sister.

This was the right choice. Even this had to be better than reliving the hellish days surrounding their father's funeral when Anna had basically been lifeless.

You could recover from heartbreak.

The alternative was to be scarred forever.

For once, Elsa was grateful for the mask. The damned mask, which was like a solid metal wall between herself and Anna, had helped her sound more convincing than she thought possible.

What she wouldn't give to have a transparent heart, to be able to pour out all her worries, feelings, emotions to her sister. To just hold her and never let go. Every molecule of her being had been screaming at her to do just that. Especially when she watched the light die from Anna's eyes a second time.

But that was not possible in this life. Not when they were sisters. Not in this society. Not when they belonged to this godforsaken family.

She clenched the steering wheel so hard the leather was screeching in protest.

 _You're perfect_ , Anna had said. Ironic. It was so far from the truth.

_I'm not. I'm damaged and broken, and I certainly don't deserve her. And she doesn't deserve to suffer like I did._

_Only I should suffer._

_She can forget me. She can get over me. She's probably confused about whether she loves me as a sister or like a lover. She'll realize she actually didn't love me like that, and we can go back to being normal sisters._

_Right?_


	22. Hero

"Elsa! Finally, holy god, what the hell is  _wrong_  with you?"

Elsa rolled over in the bed of her hotel room as she struggled to keep her phone to her ear, instantly regretting her sleep-driven decision to pick up the call without first checking the caller ID.

"Anna is literally the best thing that's ever happened to you, and you're just going to throw her away?"

"Not now, Ariel," Elsa breathed, eyes still closed, bracing herself for the heartache to return.

"So help me, Elsa, I am going to pay the FBI or CIA or MI6 or whatever to find you and when I find you I am going to stand on my one good leg and beat whatever the hell is wrong with you  _right_  out of your thick skull!" When Elsa didn't respond, Ariel continued. "Whatever reason you might have, I  _know_  you did it because you love her, Elsa. Don't even try to deny it."

Elsa let out a soft sigh.

"You haven't been home in four days. You haven't been answering my calls; you haven't even come to  _see_  me. Do you know how close I am to calling the police? Do you have  _any_  idea how worried we've been?"

"I'm fine, Ariel. Now, please—"

"Yeah right, you're  _fine_. What about Anna?"

_Please, please don't talk about Anna._

Ariel's furious voice pressed on. "You know what your problem is? You  _always_  hide everything! Always! You never let anyone in! You can't solve everything by yourself, Elsa! Whatever problem you have, you need to  _deal_  with it by telling Anna! You  _need_  her!  _She_  needs  _you_!"

Elsa took a deep breath. Control. "With all due respect, this is none of your business, Ariel. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine and I have to go now. I have a conference." She only caught the beginning of Ariel's next outburst before she pressed the end call button.

She had literally not set foot outside of her hotel room for four consecutive days; she'd been having Mark drop off any documents that needed her signature at the front lobby and email her transcripts of all the meetings that she had missed because she knew if she returned to the office, Ariel would be camping outside, wheelchair or not.

Phone in hand, she rolled to her side, unable to resist the urge to scroll through the messages that Ariel had spammed over the course of four days.

_Ariel: whats going on elsa?_

_Ariel: elsa respond_

_Ariel: elsa_

_Ariel: elsa_

_Ariel: elsa did you die where are you_

_Ariel: why is anna crying_

She cringed. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

_Ariel: what did you do_

_Ariel: omg elsa please tell me you did not lie to her again_

_Ariel: elsa anna needs you_

Okay, whose idea was it to look at these messages?

_Ariel: i dont care if the queen of england banned you from returning my texts if you keep ignoring me i am going to march into your office and drag you out by the ear_

_Ariel: i have never been more serious in my life elsa_

_Ariel: elsa if you dont respond i am breaking out of the hospital tomorrow_

_Ariel: i cannot believe you arent even doing your crap at the office! are you that afraid of facing your problems?_

_Ariel: its been three days elsa just talk to me please_

_Ariel: why are you so selfish? dont you care how your little sister is doing?_

_Ariel: i am so done with picking up the scraps of your mess, elsa_

_Ariel: omfg elsa are you going to be a baby about this forever_

Elsa's eyes widened at the next message. It was from Anna.

_Anna: elsa? im sorry if i made you angry. could we just talk? i miss you. im sorry…_

Elsa groaned as the ache in her chest swelled into a sharp stab.

_Ariel: look if i hate seeing anna cry then god knows how much harder it is for you_

_Ariel: cmon elsa just let us in_

_Ariel: please_

_Ariel: youre going to have to go back to the office sometime and im going to wait at the front door for you all week if i have to_

Ariel was right. She was going to have to go back to the office eventually. The transcripts that Mark had been sending her were enough to keep her up to speed, but they didn't make up for her absence at several conferences with the advisors and department heads. And she was going to have to meet with Hans, too, sooner or later, to persuade him into a merger.

Her phone buzzed.

_Anna: im sorry if i got the wrong idea, elsa. please come home_

No, no, no! This was all  _wrong._  Anna had nothing to be sorry about. Absolutely nothing. None of this was Anna's fault. All the guilt and sorrow that she had buried over the past four days under her work resurfaced, and suddenly Elsa found it hard to breathe again. Anger and self-loathing were claws, gripping at her throat.

She was close to throwing her phone across the room when it buzzed again. Mark was calling her. She took a deep breath and scraped together her composure.

"Yes?"

"Ms. Elsa, Mr. Hans Falk is here to see you. Again. He seems rather… adamant about meeting with you."

Elsa was tempted to just hang up. But, she did need to arrange a meeting with him, so… "Put him on."

"Of course."

There was a shuffling sound. "Hi, Elsa." She would recognize that slimy voice anywhere.

"Hello, Hans. What do you want?"

"Ah, yes. I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me sometime? To… discuss business matters."

Elsa bit her lip. She felt sick at the prospect of seeing his face, much less sharing a meal with him. But what had to be done had to be done. "I will meet you downtown at Le Crocodile tonight at seven o'clock. I presume you are familiar with the location." To be honest, she didn't think it mattered if she picked a posh French restaurant or McDonald's, simply because she did not intend to stay for dinner anyway.

"Excellent choice! I will see you at seven, Elsa."

"Please return the phone to Mark."

"Sure."

There was a shuffling sound again. "Ms. Elsa?"

"I trust you will continuing sending me the transcripts of the meetings I'm missing. In addition, I would also like to remind you of the consequences that will befall you should you disclose my current location to anyone."

"I will not tell a soul, Ms. Elsa. What about the President? If she asks?"

"She knows where I am." Of all the people who knew where she was, her mother was the least of her concerns. Evidently Alana didn't care about how Elsa was going about her responsibilities, as long as they were adequately completed. "Also, about the documents requiring my signature…"

"Oh, yes, I have already delivered them to the receptionist. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

She was impressed. "No, thank you. Goodbye."

"Ms. Elsa—"

She was about to end the call. "Yes?"

"Your sister insisted that I include a legal-sized envelope in the papers that I delivered this morning. I did not tell her your whereabouts, so I hope that is still satisfactory…"

Anna. Even after all the horrible things Elsa had said, Anna was still trying to reach out to her. Why?  _Why_? How could Anna possibly still love her, after all she had done?

She suddenly realized Mark was still waiting for her answer. "Oh. Yes. Fine. Goodbye." She promptly hung up and got dressed, her curiosity piqued despite the guilt pooling in her gut.

She had Alistair retrieve the parcel Mark left for her at the front desk and sifted through it until she found the large envelope with her sister's handwriting. It was just her name written on it, but the mere sight of Anna's penmanship, endearingly nostalgic, reopened the wounds that had formed four days ago.

She opened the envelope, pulled out the first collection of paper, and almost gasped when she recognized her own words. Was this… was this the essay she wrote for Ms. Corona's accelerated English class so many years ago?

She flipped through the pages for confirmation. Yes, it was.

She remembered when she first unrolled the scrap piece of paper that held her essay topic. At first, she had been at a loss for what she would write about. She didn't have a hero. The only two role models that she wanted to look up to, well, she despised them. But then she realized this 'hero' didn't have to be an adult. Heroes saved people, period. And so she had written about how Anna had saved her.

In the dark childhood of her past, Anna was literally the only thing she lived for. Even though they didn't see each other very much, she enjoyed the sparse moments they had to themselves. She loved even looking out the window while she was supposed to be studying and watching her redhead sister rambunctiously causing mischief in the gardens, or accidentally breaking things and sheepishly pretending to look for the perpetrator. In the truest sense, Anna had been saving Elsa's life. Every day.

So when she was writing that essay, the classroom disappeared around her. It was as if she were standing in front of Anna, and she could finally express in words the gratitude she felt. After so many years of hiding, she was able to pour out everything: her appreciativeness, her regret, her love, with an undertone of sorrow and yearning, without having to mask it or push it away.

Ms. Corona had told her it was 'beautifully written', but she didn't understand what the teacher had meant. She was only being genuinely honest toward Anna, for the first time in her life.

She read her words again, and realized now she had so much more to add. Anna had saved her again and again, from herself, from the demons inside her, from the cruelty of this life. From defending her in front of Henry Falk to coaxing her out of catatonia after Ariel's accident. There was so much she owed Anna.

And so little she could give back.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pulled out the second collection of papers in the envelope. Her jaw almost dropped to the floor when she saw that Anna had gotten the exact same topic.

She looked away. No doubt Anna had written about their father.

Right?

But it was still possible. That Anna hadn't. That Anna for some unfathomable reason had written about Elsa.

Elsa was astonished at the how much she wanted to be the subject of Anna's essay. Curiosity getting the better of her, she forced herself to read it.

She was barely through the second line when tears sprang to her eyes. Anna had written about her. Anna had written about  _her_.  _Anna_  had written about  _her._

She didn't deserve a speck of it.

She relished it anyway. She cherished every single word that Anna wrote about her, knowing she wasn't entitled to even a sliver of the kindness that was her younger sister.

The last line hit her like a bullet train.  _Elsa has never let me down, and I have the utmost faith that she never will, because I know that deep down, she loves me as much as I love her. She is my hero._

Why?

Why did Anna always see the best in her?

Why did Anna always believe in her?

What did Elsa do to even begin to warrant this kind of long-suffering love from her sister?

The words were like an icepack to the pain in her heart. Anna had sent this to her, even after she had said those horrible, horrible things. Even after she had broken Anna's  _heart_.

Clenching her jaw, she threw down the envelope and the papers, and sank to the ground. The last words that Anna had written buried themselves in their heart, and she felt a warm pressure in her chest. A good pressure, growing so fast it threatened to combust at any moment. It was like she was falling in love with her sister all over again.

Even when she pushed Anna away, hurt her time and time again, her sister  _still_ believed. "Why?" Elsa choked, her words echoing emptily against the walls of the empty room. "Why do you still love me? How could you still love me? Haven't I hurt you  _enough_?"

A folded piece of lined paper that fluttered out of the envelope caught her attention. She immediately recognized Anna's writing, again. Quickly wiping away the tears that had welled up in her eyes so that she could clearly make out the words, she reached over and grabbed it.

_Elsa,_

_I don't know if you're even going to open this envelope, since it's from me, and I'm the last person you want to see right now, but I just want you to know that your essay has been an endless source of happiness and comfort to me, for the four years that I've had it. But now, I can tell you're the one who needs it more, so I hope my essay can do the same for you as yours did for me._

_I really want to tell you I love you right now, but I think it'll only make things worse between us. So, I'll say I miss you instead. I miss you, Elsa. I don't know if it's something mom told you, or if it's something you're hiding from me to protect me, but if there's anything I've learned from eighteen years of being your sister, it's that you would never hurt me for the sake of hurting me._

_I still hope you'll come to watch me play tomorrow. As my sister, or a friend, or whatever you're comfortable with._

_Anna_

A drop of water hit the paper, accompanied by noises of stifled sorrow that deflected off the unfeeling walls of the hollow hotel suite.

* * *

The restaurant was quiet and serene despite the bustling waiters and tables filled with conversing patrons. Soft violin music filled the air and the light from the small lamp in the center of the table hummed to the rhythm, casting dynamic shadows on the warm apricot walls.

Elsa's hand twisted impatiently in the white tablecloth, shifting in the soft cushion of the chair, as she watched Hans Falk seat himself across from her. He was wearing a white suit jacket, with a black dress shirt underneath, held together by a burgundy tie that matched the colour of his hair and sideburns. He produced a bouquet of red roses and offered them to her with a gentlemanly smile that made her want to puke.

Elsa was tempted to fling them back at him, but instead gave him a perfunctory smile as thanks and accepted them. As soon as they were out of his sight, she dropped them to the ground and kicked them under the table with her heels. She could say it was an accident if anyone asked.

A waiter approached them. "Good evening. My name is Jeff, and I will be your server tonight. Can I start you off with drinks?"

Hans smiled at the man. "Crack open a bottle of champagne for us, will you?"

"Chilled? Certainly, sir. Anything else?" Jeff glanced at Elsa.

"Water is fine for me, thank you," she responded evenly.

"I was told we should try the Chef's Tasting Menu," Hans said, when the waiter departed to fetch their champagne. "What do you think?"

Elsa almost wrinkled her nose at the idea of having to sit through five courses with him. "I think I'm going to go with the  _Salade Panachée_ ," she replied blandly.

"Just a salad? I wouldn't want the waiters to think I'm being cheap, Elsa. I think you should try the  _Homard à la Vapeur_." He rested his elbows on the table, the insidious way the French slipped off his tongue raising the goosebumps on her forearms.

"Buttering me up is not going to make me more agreeable to whatever it is you're trying to do, Hans. Especially not with one and a half pounds of lobster." Suddenly she noticed a man in a black tie who looked suspiciously like one of her mother's bodyguards watching them carefully. She wanted to scowl at the realization that her mother was observing her interaction with Hans. She added hastily, "Although, I will settle with the salmon." This meant she would probably not be able to skip out early as she'd hoped, either.

Her half-compliance seemed to placate Hans, who was beginning to take offense at her impassiveness. He smiled again. "Very well."

The waiter returned then, holding a bottle of champagne and two tulip glasses. He poured their drinks and asked, "May I take your order now?"

"Yes, the missus will have the  _Saumon du Pacifique Grillé_ , and I would like the  _Le Homard_."

"Yes, sir. Would you like anything else, ma'am?"

 _Yes, I'd like to leave._ But Elsa shook her head and smiled at the waiter. She was still trying to fight the rage that had sprouted when Hans called her  _missus_ , insinuating that they were a couple. She felt a burning need to punch his face in. She did not belong to him. She did not belong to anyone. Except…

Anna.

She gritted her teeth. Even now, she belonged to Anna.

She noticed the man who was watching her shift in her peripheral vision, and forced herself to focus on the reason she was suffering this indignation. "I'd like to discuss business now."

Hans gave her another courteous smile. "By all means."

"I'd like to propose a merger," she began cautiously. "The contract is proceeding smoothly, and I believe it would be to both our benefits if Falk Industries would consider an amalgamation with Arendelle Corp. We have the financial means and you have the material."

"This amalgamation," he echoed, "I would like to see a mockup of the conditions of agreement."

"Of course. I will have it ready by next week."

"Okay, that's settled then. Glad we got that out of the way. So, Elsa," Hans paused, sipping his champagne, green eyes still locked with hers. "How is your sister?"

Elsa froze, and eyed him suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

He chuckled and put down his glass. "Just making casual conversation, now that we've gotten the business stuff out of the way."

"And the first topic that comes to mind is my sister."

"Well, it's difficult to forget the one who beat me in a drinking competition," he said lightly.

"I'm sure your brother knows the answer to that better than I," Elsa deadpanned, "seeing as they're in the same grade."

Hans' smile faded and his eyes narrowed. "My brother is—"

At that moment, their food arrived in two steaming plates. Jeff, the waiter, set down their respective dishes and smiled at them, "Is there anything else I can get you?"

Elsa waved him off and the waiter departed politely after refilling Hans' champagne glass.

"I'd like to toast," he said darkly, "to a beautiful partnership."

Aware that eyes were still on her, Elsa lifted her glass as well and touched it to his. After a sip, she started on her food, with the goal to finish as soon as possible so that she could leave.

She never found out what Hans was going to say about Henry Falk.

* * *

"Anna, she's not gonna show," Ariel rolled her wheelchair hurriedly toward the edge of the field where the younger girl stood, still peering hopefully into the parking lot. "She hasn't replied my texts, and she  _hung_   _up_  on me  _diplomatically_  and  _professionally_  like she was some cold businesswoman late for a conference. You should go warm up."

Anna turned to face Ariel and tugged at her uniform nervously. Her eyes, however, were still sparkling and full of optimism. "She'll come. I know it." But the last line seemed to be more of a reassurance to herself than Ariel.

Ariel wondered how Anna could possibly be so optimistic. Only a few days ago, the girl had been so broken and depressed. The Anna five days ago was a shadow compared to the hopeful, animated girl standing before Ariel now.

Then Ariel knew. It was so obvious. It was because of Elsa. Anna was merely happy at the prospect that maybe Elsa will come. Did these two dorks know the strength they gave each other?

" _Hey, who were you talking to?" Ariel shut the front door and threw her bag carelessly onto the floor. "I could hear talking through the door."_

" _My sister," Elsa laughed, shutting her laptop. "She got nominated to be captain of the soccer team after the coach saw her kick a soccer ball through some unfortunate small window. She broke the window," Elsa chortled again, "but the coach was impressed with her aim."_

" _You're not angry with your mom anymore, for forcing you to attend summer school?" Ariel eyed her dubiously._

" _I guess I can think about it more clearly now," Elsa smiled. "Anna makes everything better."_

Rapunzel ran up to them then, past the sea of Ariel's bodyguards, disturbing Ariel's flashback. "Hey, Anna! Coach wants to talk to you before the game starts!" She paused when she followed the direction of Anna's gaze. "Um. Anna, I don't want to be a pessimist here, but I don't think she's coming."

Anna chewed on her bottom lip. She cast another longing glance at the parking lot.

Ariel wheeled herself forward, nudging the forlorn girl with her good foot. "If she comes, I'll send all sixteen of my guys after her, and tie her down," she quipped.

That got Anna to smile again. "Please do," she whispered, and followed Rapunzel inside the school.

* * *

Elsa raked her hands to brush back her bangs as she watched, uninterested, the head of financial advising and the chief of R&D basically tearing each other's throats out. She came in to the office today, because she knew Ariel would be offering her support at Anna's soccer game, and therefore would not be camping the entrance to the building. Her gaze flicked to the clock. Anna's game was starting soon. If she left now, she could probably make it.

The question was, did she want to make it?

Her first instinct was yes, of course she did. She wanted to be there for Anna whenever her sister needed it. Even if she didn't know the faintest thing about soccer, she wanted to offer her support. Always. Because Anna always did.

Her second instinct was no. Would Anna seeing her make things more painful for both of them? Elsa didn't want to keep hurting her. Wouldn't it be better if she stayed away entirely?

_I still hope you'll come to watch me play tomorrow. As my sister, or a friend, or whatever you're comfortable with._

God dammit.

But she couldn't leave the conference. She had already skipped four days' worth of meetings. All of her employees would begin to doubt her reliability as CEO if she retreated from this one.

* * *

"Please, Coach, can we wait a few more minutes?" Anna pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Anna, we've already been waiting for twenty minutes. People have other commitments; we need to start now. Get in the net."

Anna directed her gaze to the parking lot and then to the worried gazes of her friends in the bleachers. She met the concerned eyes of Ariel, who was seated in her wheelchair on the edge of the field.

 _She's not coming,_ Ariel's eyes told her.

* * *

Elsa glanced at the clock again. She would be late now. The financial advisor was prattling on, something about taxes.

Either she didn't care or she couldn't hear him over the screaming of her conscience.

' _Elsa has never let me down, and I have the utmost faith that she never will, because I know that deep down, she loves me as much as I love her.'_

She glared at the meeting itinerary in front of her and flicked her eyes to the clock again, her nails impatiently digging into her leg.

* * *

The crowd groaned in outrage as another ball whizzed past the goalie for Arendelle High and let in another point for the opposing team.

Anna's coach called a timeout. "Anna, what is going on with you? This is the most important match of the year! Get your head in the game!"

Anna's gaze was still fixated on the parking lot. She stared intently at the ground, and shut her eyes, trying to block out the ache that was radiating from the hole in her heart. "Yes, Coach."

* * *

"Is there somewhere else you need to be, Ms. Elsa?" someone muttered irritably.

Elsa looked up, meeting the quizzical gazes of everyone at the large conference table. Her fingers were white from being pressed so tightly against her leg. She glanced at the clock again. Dammit.

_She's probably still waiting for you._

Before Elsa knew what she was doing, she was out the door, coat in hand, ignoring the protests and objections of all the men in the conference room.

"The school, miss?" Alistair was already in the front seat of her car, looking at her through the rearview mirror.

"Drive, Alistair." She tapped her foot impatiently. "Fast."

She didn't even wait until the car reached the entrance of the parking lot; as soon as Alistair slowed down to take a turn, she opened the door and jumped out onto the side walk, raced to the shadow of the bleachers, searching the field for Anna. She made out Ariel's seated shape in her wheelchair on the edge of the field (surrounded by black uniforms), and found Anna's form in the net.

Her heart throbbed painfully. She was too far to see Anna's eyes, but the way the girl's shoulders were slumped told Elsa that she had still not fully recovered from the vicious lie that Elsa told five days ago.

Elsa crouched and snuck closer, keeping to the shadow of the bleachers, so that she was only small distance from the edge of the field. She felt another pang of agony as she searched Anna's eyes and found the same despair that had haunted her for the past five days.

She checked the scoreboard. She didn't know soccer, but the opposing team having more points than the home team was always a bad thing, right?

The crowd groaned again as Anna made a feeble attempt to stop the ball from flying passed her and into the goal.

What were the Arendelle High players doing? Weren't they supposed to  _stop_  the ball from getting  _to_  the goal? Elsa gritted her teeth as she watched another ball fly at Anna. This one, the redhead caught and tossed back into play, and Elsa let out a breath of relief. She wasn't used to seeing projectiles being flung at her sister, sports match or not.

She watched Anna look away from the field and followed the redhead's gaze to the parking lot. Her heart gave a spasm again as she realized Anna was still waiting for her.

And here she was, hiding under the bleachers like the coward she was, too afraid to face her sister again. She was vaguely aware that Alistair and her other bodyguards had dispersed themselves inconspicuously amongst the large audience. She briefly wondered if they were judging her for her actions of late.

All of Elsa's mental functions were promptly aborted as she watched a soccer ball hit Anna on the side of the head.

"Hey! At least make this game an enjoyable one to play! You're making it too easy! How did a loser like you even make the team?" One of the players on the opposing team jeered, making it obvious that the trajectory of the ball was intended and not an accident.

Anna only stared blankly at the ground.

That was the last thing Elsa saw before her temper flared and her vision became tinted with a bloody red. With the hot midday sun only fueling her rage, she was storming halfway across the field toward the offending player before anyone else could react, and precipitously struck the offensive girl in the stomach, knocking her to the ground.

"Who gave you the  _right_  to insult  _my_  sister!" She heard herself roar.

The field erupted into a flurry of violence and shrieks. The teammates of the girl whom Elsa assaulted immediately ran up to retaliate, and Anna's teammates abruptly reciprocated. Elsa was hell bent on continuing her attack on her initial target until she felt warm arms wrap tightly around her, and a body press desperately against her back.

"You came," Anna whispered in a strangled voice, thick with tears. "You came."


	23. The Calm Before the Storm

Her anger dissipating, Elsa froze, unsure of how to respond. She was suddenly hyper-aware of the large audience in the bleachers still watching the violence on the soccer field with interest, and a small paranoid voice from the back of her mind was warning her that any show of affection may be misconstrued as more than sisterly.

A sideway glance caught the burning eyes of Ariel, whose determined gaze instantly evaporated her hesitation:  _You're her big sister. Act like it._

She twisted in Anna's tight embrace so that she could hug the younger girl to her chest, the contact melting away the rest of her doubt. She took in the nostalgic scent of summer and fresh-cut grass in Anna's copper locks and relished the pleasant feeling of being whole again,  _home_  again, as her sister firmly buried herself in the crook of her neck. She brought one hand to rub gentle circles on Anna's back.

"Of course I came," Elsa murmured, "Silly girl. I'm still your sister. Are you okay?"

She felt Anna nod against her shoulder.

By now the coaches of each team had started to break up the screaming girls on the field, and Elsa pulled back slightly, dabbing at Anna's teary eyes with the edge of her sleeve. "Now, are you ready to make the other team wish they never messed with us?" She whispered.

Anna gave her a watery smile and nodded fervently.

"Well, well, Elsa Arendelle," Anna's coach approached them, "it's been a while. Can't say I expected the next time I'd see you to be under such strange circumstances."

"I was provoked, Coach Madison," Elsa replied placidly, loosening her hold on Anna.

The female soccer instructor eyed them carefully and nodded, "I do agree, however, violence is never the answer. Well, these things happen all the time, and no one was really hurt. Excuse me while I talk with my contemporaries." She then went to meet with the referee and the coach of the other team. After a brief discussion, she motioned for the players to get back into their positions, and for Anna to get back to the net.

Anna cast Elsa a frantic glance, and the blonde returned it with a reassuring smile. "I'll stay till the end," Elsa promised, giving the redhead's hand a tentative squeeze.

She joined Ariel on the edge of the field.

"So," Ariel began, as the game picked up again. "What's going on?"

Elsa kept her attention trained on the grass, eyes absentmindedly following the ball. "Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Language," Elsa muttered. "We're at a high school, and there are teachers."

"Don't try to change the subject," retorted Ariel. "I hope you're not under the impression that I'm going to let you crawl back to wherever you were hiding these past five days."

A proud smile tugged at Elsa's lips as she watched Anna expertly block an attempted shot at the goal. "I'm allowed to hope."

"Well, you're not going anywhere until you explain yourself."

"There's nothing to explain, Ariel," Elsa bit her lip, forcing out her next words, "I don't feel that way about Anna."

"Bullshit."

Their conversation paused as the crowd roared. Arendelle High had scored a goal against the opposing team, reducing the gap between the points.

"If you didn't feel that way about Anna, you would be looking at me when you talk," goaded Ariel when the game resumed. "Afraid you can't lie with your eyes?"

"Maybe I just want to watch this game."

"You don't even know the rules to this  _game_."

Elsa still didn't meet Ariel's gaze. "Ariel, I don't want to talk about it."

"So you admit there's a problem."

A sigh. "Yes."

"Not talking about it only makes it worse, you know."

Elsa couldn't respond to that.

"Look, you two really love each other. You're going to have to discuss whatever problem you have  _with_  her."

"I'll die before I let that happen."

"Elsa, you're being melodramatic. There isn't a problem you two can't solve together."

This time Elsa turned her head, eyes a frozen cyan, to meet her friend's glare. "Yes, Ariel, there is." Her attention snapped back to the game as the crowd cheered at another goal for the home team. She smiled at Anna, who gave her a triumphant grin in return.

Ariel ignored the chilling despair that she caught in Elsa's eyes. "You see how happy you make her just by being here? I'm not going to just sit and watch as you wrench that happiness away from under her again."

Elsa winced at the implications of the word 'again'. After a brief pause, she allowed, "Thank you for being there for her."

"She's my friend, too. Which is why I hate seeing you hurt her. And, by the way, I know hurting her hurts you, too, so why don't you wise up and stop it."

Elsa chuckled humourlessly. "Anna always gets hurt around me. That's precisely why I'm no good for her. Why I should stay away. Why I should have stayed away. There are a thousand more reasons I should keep staying away."

"But you came. Why?"

Elsa shook her head slowly. "I couldn't  _not_  come."

"Was coming worth it?"

Elsa shut her eyes. "Yes," she relented.

"So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know," Elsa admitted with another defeated sigh. She didn't have the willpower to stay away and there was no way in hell she was about to tell Anna about their father. One of these was going to have to change, and Elsa wanted to make damn well sure that it wasn't the latter. But her heart was with Anna, as it always has been, and it was getting more and more difficult to resist the magnetic gravitation.

The conversation fell silent, drowned out by the cheers of victory from the crowd as the gap between the two scores lessened. It was obvious that the opposing team was growing more and more frustrated, since the Arendelle High goalie was now dexterously catching every shot aimed at the net. The scores seemed to be tied now, Elsa noted with another small smile at Anna.

"Remember that time my dad forced me to take that godforsaken engineering course?"

"Yes…" Elsa replied slowly, not knowing where Ariel was going with this.

"You sacrificed your elective time slot to take that boring course with me, and your being there made it so much more interesting," Ariel continued, her voice suspiciously soft. When Elsa only gave her a confused stare, Ariel made an exasperated noise, "My point is, you taught me that sharing something, no matter how boring, or painful, or sad, with someone else makes it all a thousand times better. You  _said_  yourself that Anna makes everything better. Why won't you let her make  _this_  better?"

Elsa's hands were balled up into fists at her side. She managed to bite out, "Her knowing would only make it worse _._ "

"You don't know that, 'cause you won't tell her."

Elsa's phone rang then, and she sent a silent prayer of thanks to whoever it was, for saving her from having to continue this difficult conversation. Ariel grumbled irritably under her breath as Elsa answered, "Yes?"

It was Mark. "Ms. Elsa, several of the department heads have reported your sudden departure to the President, and she is furious. She demands that you return to the office this instant."

Elsa grimaced and instantly retracted her gratitude. She had promised Anna. "Just tell them to finish the conference without me, and make a transcript of it. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Ms. Elsa—"

She ended the call before he could finish his sentence. Apprehension unfurled in her gut as she imagined the consequences that would befall her upon her return, but she pushed those thoughts away for now. She promised she would stay.

Ariel was still watching Elsa. She could tell that her attempts at persuading the truth out of Elsa were only ending up in circles. "You weren't planning to come, were you?" She deduced insightfully.

"To be honest, no. I wanted to take advantage of your absence and catch up on the discussions I'd missed," Elsa confessed warily.

"You wouldn't have missed those meetings if you actually acted like an adult and  _talked_  to us."

"Yes, I am aware that everything is my fault," the blonde replied stiffly.

Ariel sighed. "Elsa, you know that's not what I meant."

The blowing of the whistle that signaled the end of the game interrupted their conversation. Elsa looked up to see that Arendelle High had managed to win the game by one point, despite being despairingly behind almost the entire game.

Anna bounced over to them immediately after politely shaking hands with the disappointed opposing team, looking happy but tired, forehead glistening with sweat under the glaring rays of the sun. She pulled off her goalkeeper gloves and, without thinking, reached out to take Elsa's hand.

Electricity shot through Elsa at the contact, and she instinctively shied away from the touch, retreating a couple steps. Part of her ached to intertwine their fingers, and another part warned her not to lead her sister on. She folded her arms over her midsection and shot Anna an apologetic glance, trying not to register the hurt in her little sister's eyes. Trying being the operative word.

"Sorry, Elsa, I forgot that you…" Anna drifted off, as if completing the sentence would cement its reality. "Sorry."

"I have to go now, Anna," Elsa whispered, as if the low volume of the sentiment would alleviate the damage it would cause. She opened her mouth again to apologize, but the words lodged themselves in her throat and she found herself almost choking with guilt.

"Will you come home tonight?" The voice was small, tentative, carried more by the wind than the way it was spoken.

Elsa hated it. She would much rather hear the beautiful silvery voice raised in lighthearted laughter, the way she was so used to hearing it, and suddenly she felt an overwhelming need to embrace its owner, to fiercely contradict what Anna was apologizing for, to reassure the girl that  _yes_ , Elsa loved her. So much.

Instead, she retreated further, and could only give a nod as consolation before leaving, keeping her gaze fixed on Ariel's dissatisfied frown, instead of the alternative.

"Thanks for coming."

Elsa fought to keep from trembling as every molecule of her body protested her departure.

* * *

Anna didn't know how long she had been staring at the ground until she felt a tug on the hem of her shirt. She looked over at Ariel, who was peering up at her with concerned eyes.

"I talked to her," Ariel whispered. "She's admitted there's a problem. Baby steps."

Anna's eyes widened in alarm. "Do you think it's because I—" she took note of their surroundings, "—because I feel that way about her?"

Ariel shook her head, "No, I don't. I don't think this has to do with that at all. Whatever this is, she's not telling you  _because_  she loves you. From how I see it, I think she feels like if she told you, I don't know, it would, like, kill you," she finished, with a jab at attempted humour.

Rapunzel, who had raced excitedly from the bleachers to congratulate Anna, interrupted them. "Anna, great game! I mean, you were a little rusty in the beginning, but you totally made up for it at the end! You were right! Elsa did come! Anyway, amazing comeback!" She grasped Anna's hands tightly, genuinely elated for her friend's success.

Anna smiled back, albeit tightly. "Thanks, Punzey." She perked up a little, dwelling on Rapunzel's words. "Of course Elsa came! She's my sister! She would never let me down."

The brunette grinned back at her. "We should celebrate! Anyone up for pizza?"

Before Anna could decline, Ariel chimed in, "Oh, oh, yes! I'm starving! Let's do it!"

Rapunzel beamed at them both, "I'll get Aurora and the others! Meet you guys at the school entrance?" She winked at Ariel. She and the older girl had gotten to be quick friends with a common goal of Anna and Elsa's happiness.

Anna fished her Olaf necklace out of her pocket as she watched Rapunzel run back to the bleachers to gather her jubilant friends. Ariel watched as she fiddled with the clasp. When she couldn't get it on, the older girl gestured for her to kneel. "Here," Ariel murmured, and locked the silver necklace in place with an audible click.

* * *

"This is unacceptable. Do you know what the board of directors is saying about you? You've already brought doubt upon your judgement with your little stunt at the bar. Weren't you supposed to be proving to me your competence?" Alana Arendelle's frozen blue eyes were glaring icicles at her daughter, and suddenly Elsa understood how her mother could have gained so much respect and commanded so much control during her years as Executive Chairman of the Board.

Ironically, this is the most emotion she'd seen on her mother's face ever since the day Anna fell through the ice. She almost entertained the urge to laugh.

Her pseudo-amusement was swiftly slaughtered by her mother's next words. "Is Anna the cause of your erratic behaviour this past week?"

Elsa was still trying to find a plausible explanation for her absence that didn't involve Anna when Alana spoke again. "Do I need to remove her, Elsa? Since obviously you cannot control yourself when she is involved."

Elsa flinched. "Anna has nothing to do with this," she almost snarled.

"No? Then whose soccer game did you just return from?"

She struggled to keep from gasping. So her mother had her followed. She cursed her carelessness again.

"I have tolerated this for long enough," Alana announced, icy voice slicing through the stagnant air of the office. "She is an undeniable liability to you. You need to change that, or I will."

" _Tolerated_?" Elsa echoed incredulously. "You think my fulfillment of my responsibilities as Anna's older sister is  _unnecessary_?" She spat the word out, like it was poison on her tongue.

"Yes. You have done nothing to show me otherwise. You constantly choose her over the company. You allow her to run rampant with her stubbornness and childish tendencies. Your father must have told you, you need to be mindful of her."

"Did you tell Father that his 'interaction' with Anna was unnecessary, too?" She retorted furiously. "I seem to recall him fulfilling fatherly responsibilities with Anna whenever he was home."

Her mother's eyes narrowed bitterly. "He at least did not shirk his duties in order to do so. While I don't disapprove of your closeness with Anna, you must remember your actions have consequences. For both of you. Also, I expect you are already fully prepped on the guest list for the company's Anniversary Banquet? All the partners and sponsors will be there. I will not condone further humiliation. Do I make myself clear?"

The Anniversary Banquet. For the company's 100th anniversary. Elsa had completely forgotten about that. "Of course," she fibbed.

"That will be all," was her mother's noncommittal response.

Elsa retreated, lest her mother decide to make good on her threat on Anna sooner rather than later. She quickly found Mark, and demanded that he show her the guest list for tomorrow's banquet. He fetched her two thick binders, each complete with names, descriptions and pictures of the guests who were attending the party.

"Oh, yes, here, Ms. Elsa. I was going to show you after the conference, but…"

She waved him off. "It's fine, Mark. I will be able to familiarize myself with these by tomorrow night."

She flipped through the names and found, to her dismay, that Hans and his father were going to be in attendance. Ariel and President del Ray were invited as well. Apart from them, Elsa was not well acquainted with anyone else. Some faces she recognized, but only vaguely, from the parties she'd attended with her father as a child. She hadn't seen any of them since his death. She and Anna had stopped attending balls and high-class social gatherings since the anniversary of his death, grief being a reasonable enough justification of their absence.

However, the banquet that was to celebrate a century of their company's success was to be held at Arendelle Manor, so nonattendance was not a choice. She sighed and realized with a start that Anna was going to be there as well. No doubt her mother would be watching them and determining whether disciplinary action would be warranted. She hoped she could prove that her relationship with Anna would not affect her competence, to contradict her mother's impression that her closeness with her sister was disadvantageous to the company.

* * *

Anna was asleep on the doorstep, head resting lightly on the bare arms that were crossed over her knees. Elsa's chest immediately constricted at the notion that Anna had been waiting for her, because she promised she would return home tonight. She furiously cursed herself for letting her session with the guest list extend so far into the night. She stepped out of the car and allowed Alistair to drive it into the garage.

Elsa looked around carefully before approaching Anna before unbuttoning her trench coat and draping it about her sister's shoulders. It was almost midnight; and Anna was clothed in nothing more than a t-shirt and shorts, which spoke to Elsa about how long the girl had been waiting.

Good grief, but Anna's skin was freezing, and Elsa felt another wave of guilt at her late return. She knelt beside her sister and whispered, "Hey."

Anna stirred, unconsciously wrapping herself tighter in the warmth of Elsa's jacket, and lazily opened her eyes. "Oh, um, hi!" Her head snapped up as she took in her surroundings and she reddened as she recognized Elsa's coat around her. Somehow, though, she still managed a cheerful smile, "Um, uh, w-welcome home! Oh, uh, this is your jacket, aren't you cold? Welcome home, by the way! Wait, I already said that, silly me!"

God, Anna could be overwhelmingly adorable sometimes. Elsa couldn't help but smile as she stood up awkwardly and lightly nudged the sitting girl with her knee. "Let's get you inside before you freeze to death."

"S-so! Where's Mom? And I'm sorry if you got in trouble for coming to my game…" Anna began sheepishly as they crossed the threshold of the house, still keeping Elsa's jacket wound tightly around herself.

Elsa averted her gaze, focusing on the unlit chandelier of the grand foyer. She was grateful Anna's hands were occupied with her jacket, because it meant there wouldn't be any attempted contact, which both disappointed her and relieved her at the same time. "She's not home? And no, it's fine," she lied.

"Oh, that's good! Well, I don't  _think_  Mom came home. She would've woken me, right?" The younger girl replied, worry coating her voice. "I hope she's okay. You both work too hard."

Elsa wanted to growl at the notion that Anna was still concerned for their mother's wellbeing, while Alana, on the other hand, certainly expressed clearly that she couldn't care less. Rage spread even faster when she contemplated the scenario of their mother arriving home and not bothering to acknowledge Anna's sleeping form in the cold night.

She shook her head, an attempt to clear the murderous thoughts that were taking root. "I'm sure she can take care of herself," she muttered.

They ascended the stairs in an awkward silence.

"Oh! Um, the banquet's tomorrow right? Gerda told me about it! What are you gonna wear? I mean, you'll look gorgeous in anything, I was just wondering—not to be nosy or anything! Y-you don't have to tell me if you don't want to!" The redhead stammered nervously, breaking the silence.

Elsa tried not to scowl at her sister's forced cheerfulness and the implications of Anna's nervousness. Evidently the girl was still significantly affected by what had transpired almost a week ago, and Elsa fervently wished that they could go back to displaying unbridled affection like they had before. Pushing those thoughts aside, she cleared her throat. "Anna, you don't have to force yourself to sound happy when you talk to me." She studied the marble floor. "You don't have to hide how angry you are with me for my behaviour this week. You don't have to force yourself to even talk to me, if you don't want to."

"I'm not angry with you," Anna murmured, the liveliness in her voice dropping substantially. "I'm just frustrated."

"You have every right to be frustrated with me."

Anna quickly shook her head. "I'm not frustrated with  _you_! I'm frustrated with  _me_ , for not being able to help you. You always try to suffer alone, Elsa. And it makes me feel so useless and helpless when you do. You're always there for me. I just wish you'd let me be there for you, too."

Elsa wanted very much to embrace Anna right now. To hold her and reassure her that she was irrevocably  _not_  useless  _nor_  helpless. To confess exactly how much encouragement and relief Anna's smile was worth to her. To wipe away the confusion and uncertainty on her sister's radiant features.

To erase the self-loathing that she knew the younger girl was battling.

Instead, Elsa opened the door to her room, the secrets she'd kept hidden from Anna lodged painfully in her throat, and shut it behind her, listening to the lonely footsteps that echoed away down the hall, each one opening a new tear on her heart.

 


	24. Implosion

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you,_

_Anywhere, I woul—_

Grunting irritably, Anna hit the snooze button on her radio alarm with more force than necessary, bumping the entire thing onto the ground with a loud crash. "Don't need that this early in the morning," she muttered, pulling her pillow over her head. It had taken a considerably long time to fall asleep last night, and she hadn't slept that well in general this entire week.

There was a knock at her door. "Anna, dear, it's almost noon! You need to start getting ready if you want to look presentable for the banquet tonight!"

"Five more minutes, Gerda…" whined the sleepy girl.

"Also, Ms. del Rey is here to see you. She says she has a surprise for you," Gerda called through the door.

Anna sat up in her bed immediately. Ever since Ariel was discharged from the hospital, she had been staying with her father in some hotel. She promptly flung off the covers and hurriedly got dressed.

Ariel was waiting for her in the grand foyer, seated in her wheelchair with a large white box in her lap, when Anna raced down the stairs to greet her. The younger girl bent over to throw a bear hug around Ariel. "Ariel! It's so good to see you! You're coming tonight, right?"

Ariel grinned back at her and held out the box. "You bet! Here, open this!"

Anna balanced the rectangular box in one hand and lifted the cardboard lid off with the other. She gasped as she recognized the green and black gown she had tried on for prom. "Oh! It's beautiful! Thank you! But, Ariel, Elsa said…"

Ariel snorted in contempt. "Elsa will love you in this dress, Anna. Although, she might actually kill me tomorrow." Then she winked at Anna. "Trust me."

Anna blinked. She did like this dress, and she did trust Ariel. She nodded her acquiesce and smiled in gratitude, "Okay."

"Now, speaking of Elsa," a coy grin crossed Ariel's face, "I might've almost fallen for her when I saw her in the ballroom just now. Brace yourself, Anna. Actually, I think you should do your makeup first. Let's go to your room."

"Oh—um—uh, okay. Wait! Are you okay with stairs?" Anna scrambled after Ariel, who was already rolling toward the stairs in her electric wheelchair. Ariel rolled her eyes, and swiftly got to her feet, balancing her weight on the stone railing.

"I'm fine, Anna. The doctor said I should be okay to walk for short periods of time, as long as I don't wear heels. I still can't lift things with my left arm yet, though," she laughed. "It's a good excuse to be lazy when people ask you to do things."

Anna smiled and went to help Ariel up the stairs.

* * *

Elsa was meeting with Mark, Gustav and Ivan as they oversaw the preparations in the ballroom. They were reporting to her the security detail, food inventory, and entertainment that they had planned for the night.

"There will be guards making sure the rest of the manor is secure, and that no guest 'wanders' to where they will be unwelcome," Mark reassured her. "The President has ordered for the celebration to be isolated to the west wing of the mansion."

"And what of the music?" Elsa questioned.

"The musicians have already begun moving their equipment backstage," Gustav asserted confidently. "They'll begin sound check in an hour."

Elsa nodded. She dismissed Ivan and Gustavo, and gestured to Mark. "About the other matter we discussed?"

"Already taken care of, Ms. Elsa," he replied.

She nodded again, "Be on your way then, and double check the security at the gate." He departed promptly.

Elsa couldn't remember the last time she was here as she inspected the vast ballroom, taking in the rows of long dining tables clothed in velvet tablecloth, the polished amber marble flooring, and the large brass pillars guarding the decorated walls lined with gold. Her gaze went to the vaulted ceiling, laden with silky ribbons coloured purple and green, crossing the crystal chandeliers and finally resting on the rounded arch of the ballroom entrance.

Whatever notions her mind was entertaining about the rustic architecture of Arendelle Manor were swiftly trampled as a stampede of thoughts from an entirely different origin seized her completely. Her attention was thoroughly arrested by the stunning creature approaching her from under the curvature of the archway.

It took Elsa's mind a minute to restart, and to register that Anna was walking toward her, light green skirts swaying to the rhythm of her hips, captivating copper locks catching fire as she stepped through a ray of afternoon light shining through one of the fixed rectangular windows, despite being loosely held in a bun with three olive ribbons resting lightly on her shoulders.

Elsa could hardly breathe when her eyes fell on the light freckles dusting the exposed skin of her sister's shoulders, and she couldn't stop them from wandering to Anna's face, which then caused any remaining cognition to abruptly cease.

She didn't know how long she stood there staring until some part of her brain starting working again and she noticed Anna staring back at her, cheeks tinted pink, teal eyes wide.

Looking so adorable and tempting should have been illegal.

Her need to breathe brought back the some of the mental processes that had been interrupted by Anna's impromptu appearance at the ballroom. Exhaling, she tried not to gasp for air as the gears in her brain slowly reestablished themselves.

"W-wow, Elsa, you look..." Anna breathed, still looking at her, "different." She shook her head rapidly, blushing a shade deeper, as if she had spoken without thinking, "It—it's a good different! Like a better different! Y-you—I mean—you look a thousand times beautifuller than I imagined—I mean, not fuller, you don't look fuller—god, I'm awkward—you're gorgeous. Wait, what?"

Elsa had to force her eyes on something behind Anna to regain her composure. She brought a hand to stifle a giggle at her sister's words. "Thank you," she managed. "You're a thousand times beautifuller than I could have ever imagined, too. That dress," she gasped, as she allowed her eyes to focus on Anna again, "suits you." She was fairly sure the redness of her own face could rival that of a tomato's by now.

Their awkward tension was alleviated with the entrance of Ariel, who had decided to take pity on the pair and relieve the stifling air surrounding them. "Well, Elsa? She does look rather dashing, not to toot my own horn or anything."

 _You!_  Elsa accused with a glare.  _You brought her that dress! Do you live to torture me?_

Ariel only grinned cheekily back at her. She lifted an eyebrow loftily, an unspoken challenge.

Realizing that Anna was curiously watching the exchanged expressions between her two elders, Elsa cleared her throat. "You better get going, Ariel, if you want to make it back before the party starts. You still need to get ready."

Ariel smirked at her shrewdly as if to say  _you wanna be alone with her that badly, huh?_

Elsa gasped again as she felt her cheeks get warmer (if it were even possible).

"Yeah, yeah, I'll see you guys in an a few hours," Ariel declared, trying to hide her amusement at Elsa's expense. "Oh, and Elsa," she slyly threw over her shoulder, "You'll need to do Anna's lipstick for her before the party. You know, the pink one."

Elsa gaped after her, mind overflowing with profane words unfit for a lady that she was ready to expel at Ariel's parting statement.

She allowed herself a quick glance at Anna. "Y-you get something to eat, and I'll meet you in a bit." Elsa caught movement of Anna nodding in her peripheral vision as she dashed off to find something she could pretend to occupy herself with, so she could distract her mind from the perverted thoughts it was currently entertaining.

* * *

Anna stumbled to the kitchen, mind still spinning from the unparalleled splendor of Elsa's magnificent body. Her mouth went dry at the mere recollection of the way the glittering blue bodice of Elsa's gown had hugged the swell of her breasts, the cyan fabric kissing soft curve of her hips, and how the powder blue translucent off-the-shoulder sleeves praised the milky white of her sister's collarbone. She had been even more surprised to see Elsa's hair in a single, loose braid, with her rebellious bangs slicked back, as opposed to the more reserved French bun that Anna was much more used to seeing.

"Oh, my dear! Anna, your face is all red, are you feeling peaky?" Gerda fixed her with a concerned glance when Anna wobbled through the doors of the kitchen.

"H-hi, Gerda! N-no! I'm fine! Totally fine! Couldn't be finer!" Anna laughed nervously, trying to calm her fluttering heartbeat. "Is there chocolate? I need some chocolate."

"I'm sure we can spare a bar or two for you, dear. And for heaven's sake, eat something healthier, too! It's going to be a long night," Gerda quickly fixed her a hearty sandwich, along with a couple bars of Hershey's.

* * *

The last time Elsa had applied lipstick to Anna's lips, she had a girlfriend, and Anna had had a boyfriend. This time, Elsa realized with a sinking dread, will be even harder to get through, because there was nothing barring her from kissing her sister save for the very vocal part of her conscience that was warning her not to cause any more damage.

She somehow had Anna seated on her bed, which, she realized, was a horrible idea, because it was her  _bed._  Trembling, she uncapped the tube of pink lipstick and gave the bottom a twist. She had half a mind to just give the tube to Anna and leave the room, but another part of her was aching to stay, and the luster of her younger sister's beauty had demolished the rest of her logic.

As she lifted the lipstick to apply it, she leaned closer, index finger of one hand tipping Anna's head back slightly. She made the mistake of stealing a glance at the younger girl's eyes, and almost lost her grip on reality when she found them hooded and dark with barely concealed desire. Her chest thumped, almost painfully.

_Control. Control yourself. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal—_

Her semi-stable frame of mind was completely obliterated when Anna's lips parted for her.

Before reason could catch up with her, Elsa leaned in even further, as if some magnetic force was pulling on her, and brushed her lips tenderly against Anna's own. In an instant, she felt Anna's warm hands on her shoulders—

 _What are you_ _**doing** _ _?_

Elsa recoiled with a gasp as she realized what she was doing, fear chasing away the desire that had consumed her. She stood, tossed the tube of lipstick onto the bed, and quickly backed up against the door. "I-I'm sorry, Anna, I didn't mean—"

"No, Elsa, it's okay. Just—just talk to me," Anna pleaded, but Elsa had already turned the handle and fled the room. "Why won't you just talk to me?" She whispered, to no one.

* * *

Guests had already begun to arrive in the grand foyer by the time Anna had composed herself enough to step outside of Elsa's room. From the top of the stairs, she watched the various corporate leaders and their families striding through the doors and being ushered toward the ballroom, where Elsa and their mother would be greeting them.

She spotted President del Rey and Ariel arriving; Ariel was in an elegant pink-and-white ballroom gown, and suddenly Anna understood Elsa's comment about Ariel's wicked sense of fashion. Ariel hadn't even done anything special to her hair and she still looked dazzling under the glow of the crystal chandelier.

Ariel looped their arms together when Anna skipped down the stairs to join her. "You look… confused," the older girl muttered, for lack of a better word. "What's wrong?"

Anna looked around at the ballroom full of guests as they walked under the archway and shook her head. "I'll tell you later."

Alana Arendelle took the stage, and suddenly the chattering of the vast room died down as she held the microphone. "Welcome, revered guests of Arendelle Corporation. I would like to thank each and every one of you for coming to celebrate with us the hundredth year of our company's success. This success is not only ours; it is the result of all the support that we have graciously received from all of you. So I would like to propose a toast, and from the bottom of my heart, my deepest thanks to all of you."

"To Arendelle Corporation!" The room cheered in unison as they raised their champagne glasses.

Anna noticed not all of the guests seemed happy about the celebration as she raised her own glass of water for the toast. Some were downing their champagne with an undertone of bitterness and resentment, or so it seemed. She sat down at the head table beside Elsa, where her nameplate was, and exchanged a glance with Ariel, who was seated with her father further down the table.

Elsa was rigid beside her as Hans Falk and his father Walter Falk seated themselves across from them. She stole at glance Elsa, whose expression was perfectly neutral, despite the clenched fists in her lap.

Alana took her position at the head of the table and smiled courteously at the patrons of the table as the servers began bringing out the appetizers. "So, Hans, Elsa tells me that she had a lovely time talking over dinner with you."

When Elsa flinched beside her, Anna's head shot up, and she watched Hans smiled back politely at their mother. He chuckled, "President Arendelle, I had a wonderful night as well," he winked at Elsa, who smiled stiffly back at him.

"Elsa, how's the contract coming along?" Alana questioned.

Walter Falk laughed, "Let's not talk business tonight, folks. We should let the young ones enjoy themselves." He looked pointedly at Alana.

Alana sipped her glass of wine. "An excellent point, Walter. And where is Henry? I haven't seen him tonight. I trust he is well?" She waved her hand at the empty seat beside Hans.

Both Hans and Walter's expressions darkened for a split second, and then Hans sported another charming smile. "He was extremely disappointed he couldn't make it, but he sends his regards."

Anna hadn't seen Henry Falk at school for a long time now, but she hadn't paid much attention to that. They weren't friends, not really, and they just left each other alone after Elsa and Hans had graduated. Although there was something in Hans and Walter's countenances that made her want to shiver. She brushed it off, and focused on the soup in front of her.

"So, President, you have a beautiful home," Hans stated, nodding at the mosaic ceiling and polished walls. "Speaks to me about the amazing sense of style you and your ancestors must have. Is it based on seventeenth century architecture?"

"Why, thank you, Hans. You have a keen eye for detail," Alana replied with ever-perfect civility. "My late husband's ancestors, actually. One of them was very into stone buildings."

Anna was getting bored of the conversation, and fast. She absentmindedly spooned her soup and dribbled it back into the bowl. Ariel was looking equally bored, but too far down the table to be able to hold a proper conversation with Anna without yelling.

Elsa abruptly nudged her with a knee, and Anna, surprised by the sudden contact, dropped the spoon with a clatter. She muttered a quick 'sorry' before picking it up and wiping the spilled soup with her napkin. She didn't notice her mother's watchful gaze, but Elsa did.

The servers arrived with steaming plates of steak, chicken, and salmon, and mutters of thanks fluttered throughout the table as empty soup dishes were retrieved and replaced with mouth-watering entrees.

"R-remember that time I beat you in a drinking competition, Hans?" Anna blurted, the suffocating air hovering over the table ruining her attempts to keep her mouth shut.

"Anna, I don't think this is the best time to bring that up right now," Elsa mumbled under her breath, after a glance at their mother.

Hans only smiled and leaned forward onto his elbows. "I still haven't lived it down," he joked.

Alana gave Elsa a look.

Elsa leaned over to Anna as the server replaced their dishes. "Just sit still and stop talking." Her voice was cold and her expression didn't betray a sliver of emotion.

Initially confused by Elsa's kiss in the bedroom, and then frustrated by the dinner conversation, Anna replied irritably, and a little too loudly, "Am I embarrassing you, Elsa? Is that what this is?"

Elsa shot a sideway glance at the Falks, who were watching them curiously. "Anna, don't make me do this right now."

"Excuse me," Anna muttered, and got up from her seat, storming off.

"I'm sorry, she's still a little kid sometimes," Elsa murmured, smiling apologetically at the patrons who had taken interest in their little spat. "I'll go talk to her."

"No, you will stay," said Alana, before Elsa could take off. "She will take responsibility for her own actions."

"Yes, children do need to grow up and be responsible for themselves," Walter Falk nodded. "She seems like an intelligent child. She will learn quickly." He exchanged a strange look with Hans, and the gesture sent a wave of unease over Elsa.

Her hands fidgeted restlessly under the table, mind churning as she contemplated ways to remedy her mother's disapproval of Anna's behaviour so that Alana will not deem any disciplinary action to be necessary. Elsa passively accommodated the rest of the dinner conversation.

* * *

Anna paced restlessly on the patio, irritated with herself and Elsa for the lack of communication between them of late. She was used to not being included in the business topics between her parents and Elsa; after all, Elsa was the heir and she was the spare, but maybe she just especially irritable tonight.

She just felt superfluous to the conversation, like no one really needed nor expected her to be there, and then Elsa prompted her so aloofly to, essentially, not embarrass herself. She knew she had been out of line leaving so abruptly, but she couldn't help herself.

She could tell from the increased volume of piano and violin music flowing from the ballroom that dinner had ended and the dancing had commenced.

Someone opened the double doors to the patio, and Anna did not know who she was expecting, but she definitely was not expecting it to be Hans. He didn't seem surprised to see her, though.

"Oh, hello, Anna," Hans smiled at her, and lit a cigarette. "You look very nice."

Despite her misgivings about him from high school, Anna reflected that her mother and Elsa did not seem to have much of an aversion to the Falk family. She shrugged. "Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself." He was wearing a tuxedo, and the red bow tie complimented his ginger hair.

"So, you having problems with Elsa, huh?" Hans took a drag of his cigarette, blowing out puffs of smoke.

Anna wrinkled her nose at the smell. "We're not having problems. She's my sister. I mean, we have little scuffles now and then, but we trust each other."

Hans stuffed a hand in his pocket and looked to the sky. "Does she really trust you?"

She was about to turn and leave, but his words prodded at her weakness. "O-of course she does."

"That's not what she told me at dinner," he chuckled, gaze still fixed on the stars.

Anna narrowed her eyes, and stepped in front of him, glaring indignantly. "What do you mean?"

He took another drag. "She said you were too much of a little kid to trust with anything."

Anna's heart fell. Did Elsa really think that way about her? She recalled her behaviour at the dinner table as the most recent example, and mentally kicked herself. Even though they were only two years apart, Elsa had always been light-years more responsible and reliable than she was. Was she that childish? Was that why Elsa wouldn't talk to her about her problems? Why Elsa always shut her out? Why Elsa never relied on her for anything?

Was Elsa finally fed up with her immaturity?

Dropping his cigarette butt to the ground, Hans stomped on it, putting out the flame. "She said, sometimes you're nothing but a burden."

Anna glanced uneasily at her sister, who was now greeting the guests, through the glass doors. Elsa would never say that about her. Right?

Hans smiled to himself as he heard the patio doors open and shut.

* * *

Elsa was shaking hands with someone whose name currently escaped her, smiling so forcedly that she was afraid her face was going to fall off from the charade. She was searching for Anna, but all these hands kept thrusting in front of her, and she was expected to shake each and every one of them. She was also pretty sure her hands were going to need some serious cleaning after tonight. Her feet were also killing her from standing for so long (her new heels weren't broken in).

She spotted Anna shuffling through the patio doors and her world shifted focus. All the fake smiling, oily hands, and aching feet became worth it as soon as she caught a view of her beautiful sister. She headed in Anna's direction, wanting to apologize for being rude at dinner.

Another hand stretched toward her, and she looked up to recognize a member of the board of directors, Kai Evenstad. She vaguely recognized him from previous social events; he had been a good friend of her father's.

"Elsa, I haven't seen you in years!" Kai exclaimed heartily, other hand patting her on the shoulder. "I trust you've been well?"

"I'm fine, Chairman Evenstad," Elsa replied as patiently as she could. She tried to keep her eyes on the portly man in front of her, but they kept migrating to Anna like magnets. "It's good to see you." She searched for Anna again. "Please excuse me; I'll catch up with you later."

Kai seemed to understand her rush. "I see, Elsa. Take care."

Elsa nodded her thanks and skirted around the sea of corporate associates and leaders to where she last saw Anna. She spotted the redhead, admiring the fountain of chocolate fondue that she secretly had Mark include in the dinner inventory, and smiled in satisfaction. At least that was one thing she'd done right tonight.

Hoping that Anna was in a better mood, she approached cautiously and stopped, catching her mother's gaze from the other side of the ballroom. Alana seemed to be watching them intently.

She cursed and turned, deciding to find another time to speak with Anna, but her sister had already noticed her presence. "Elsa!"

Gritting her teeth, she put on her neutral face and turned again. "Hey."

"Um, hi," Anna mumbled nervously, tucking a stray lock of copper hair behind her ear.

God, there was the nervousness again, Elsa realized, and her protective instinct flared, only to be violently stomped out when she noticed her mother still watching them. Her brain searched for something her mother would approve of her saying. "Anna, tonight is important. We need to make a good impression."

"You know, sometimes you're extremely condescending, Elsa," Anna retorted. "You're not Mom! You might be older than me, but you don't have to act like you're in charge of me."

Elsa's eyes flicked to their mother again, and clucked her tongue in annoyance. "Maybe I wouldn't act like that, if  _you_  acted like a grown-up. You're almost eighteen, for god's sake, Anna, and you're  _still_  acting like a spoiled little brat!" She  _knew_  she was saying all the wrong things, but she could not stop them from spilling forth from her like candy from a broken piñata.

"Well, it's better than acting like you're better than everyone else! Like no one is worthy enough for you to talk equally to!"

By now Alana was moving toward them, her scowl telling Elsa that her patience was wearing thin. They had also attracted quite an audience; Elsa hadn't even noticed how loud their voices had gotten due to the music in the background. She needed to get them out of this situation, and fast, before their mother took it into her own hands. She lowered her voice, "Anna, please, I need you to just  _listen_  for once."

Anna spoke again, her face heating up from the warmth of the room and anger. "No,  _you_  listen! I'm  _tired_  of you hiding everything from me! I'm  _sick_  of you playing games with me! I'll stop acting like a child when you stop  _treating_  me like—"

 _Crack_!

"Anna," Elsa said in the coldest voice Anna had ever heard, "Go to your room, and stay there."

Anna was clutching her face where Elsa had slapped it, staring in disbelief at the fact that Elsa had just  _struck_  her. Biting back the tears that threatened to flow, she ran out of the ballroom as fast as she could.

Elsa dug her nails into her palm. No punishment on earth would ever redeem her for what she had just done to Anna, even if it was to protect her from their mother. Alana stopped beside Elsa, and lightly addressed the crowd, "Now, now, what's a family banquet without a little sibling squabble?" Her words dispelling the tension in the audience. The patrons dissipated, and turned their attention back to socializing and the vast display of desserts. "There was not much else you could have done, Elsa," she whispered, the words sounding suspiciously like comfort, if Elsa hadn't known better, before turning to converse with President del Ray.

Elsa caught the disbelieving glare of Ariel, who looked ready to strike her. Her eyes pleaded with Ariel to go after Anna, and she breathed a sigh of relief when Ariel nodded assent and turned to follow her sister's footsteps.

* * *

Anna burst out the front door of the manor, tears streaming down her face, streaked with the black colour of her makeup. Dropping her face in her hands, she sobbed openly into the night. She didn't know a slap could  _hurt_ so much. She was pretty sure it wasn't the physical pain—Elsa hadn't actually hit her with much force—but the person who'd given it to her.

A warm arm encircled her shoulders, and she looked up from her hands to see Hans. Quickly wiping her eyes, she sniffled and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I saw what happened," he replied gently. "Elsa is just as cold as your mother, huh?"

"Elsa is not cold," she protested. "It was my fault. I pushed her."

"It's not your fault. Elsa just doesn't understand you," Hans smiled at her. "Why don't you come with me?" He ushered her toward the gate. "Let me show you something."

"What? There's nothing out there." Something felt wrong. Anna fingered the Olaf charm from her necklace; she'd taken it off the silver chain and put it on a bracelet this morning. Ariel had said it didn't match her dress, but she still wanted it with her.

"Oh, there's something."

There was something in his voice that Anna couldn't discern, but it chilled her to the bone in the dark night. She noticed for the first time that the security guards that were supposed to be at the front gate weren't there, and she knew there was something wrong.

Suddenly, someone came up behind her and covered her mouth with a cloth before she could scream. Shocked and scared, she struggled against them, but whatever was on the cloth was making her lose consciousness. She fumbled with the bracelet until it unclasped and fell to the ground, and everything went black.

_Elsa._

* * *

Elsa had escaped from the party when Alana was preoccupied with President Triton, and she ascended the stairs, making a beeline for Anna's room. She knocked on the door. "Anna?" No answer. She knocked again, and listened for any sign of movement. Was this how Anna felt when Elsa shut her out?

Elsa was on the verge of tears at the thought. Her chest imploded as she remembered how she slapped Anna earlier. She pressed her forehead wearily against the wood. "Anna, please. Let me explain."

She turned the knob, and was surprised to find the door unlocked. She flicked on the light, and discovered that the room was empty. She was stopped from backing out of the room as she noticed the rows of glittering snow globes lining the shelves of Anna's wall. The snow globes were gifts from their father; whenever he returned from a business trip he always brought Anna a snow globe, because she loved the winter. A lump formed in the back of her throat, and she wished she hadn't turned on the light.

She was interrupted by Ariel, who was frantic and out of breath. "Elsa!"

Elsa whirled around almost immediately, "Where's Anna?"

Ariel shook her head rapidly, "I don't know—Elsa—I don't—there was—I found—I found this," she held up a bracelet, "at the gate." She stopped to catch her breath.

Elsa took the bracelet, and her heart fell to her stomach as recognized the charm she'd designed for Anna. "Where is she, Ariel?"

"I think—I think she's been kidnapped."


	25. Explosion

" _What_?" Elsa repeated, as if she physically could not absorb Ariel's words. "Th-that's impossible! There are security guards, cameras—that's impossible!"

Ariel was still out of breath. "There weren't—any guards—outside. I don't know about—cameras. I didn't see any guards outside, though."

"No… no! She must be somewhere else. She threw that on the ground because she was angry with me! She's just angry with me… so she doesn't want to see me right now…" Elsa sank to her knees, burying her face in her hands, chest heaving with panic, "No, no, no, no, she's fine, she's fine, she's fine."

Ariel knelt down beside her, "Get a hold of yourself, Elsa! Think about it! She would never throw this," she pointed to the Olaf charm, "away! Never! No matter how angry she is with you! We should go find Alistair, maybe he knows something."

"No, no," Elsa cried, shaking her head in a frenzy, still unable to fully grasp Ariel's news, "This is all my fault, my fault, I should never have done that. I should have just pulled her out of the room. Why did I hit her? Why am I so  _stupid_? Why do I keep making mistakes?"

"Elsa!" Ariel rebuked, gripping the frantic blonde by the shoulders, "I have no idea what's going on between you and your mom, but I know you didn't mean to do it. I could see it in your eyes. Now get a grip; panicking isn't going to help Anna. Elsa, you can blame yourself and throw yourself in front of her for forgiveness all you want when we make sure she's safe, but right now I need you to take a deep breath. You are not helping Anna like this."

Elsa hit the wall repeatedly with her forehead, as if she couldn't hear Ariel's words. She was muttering intelligible things; arms crossed over her diaphragm, face wet with tears.

Frustrated, Ariel punched her on the shoulder. Hard. "Elsa, if you want to stop making mistakes, then get a hold of yourself and come with me."

Elsa froze, and stared at her, eyes unfocused, dull with pain. "I'm sorry."

"Don't tell that to me; tell that to Anna!" Ariel screeched at her. "Now let's go!"

* * *

**One Hour Since Kidnapping**

The security room beside the front gate was empty, seats empty, but the computer monitors still showed live camera footage from all eighteen cameras in the house. The air in the night was cold and stagnant, but Elsa didn't shiver from the chill.

She was numb, loathing for herself warring with worry for Anna, but Ariel was right; blaming herself was not going to help Anna. Her thoughts were a mess, some imagining the worst scenario, some contemplating how this could have happened, and some harbouring murderous thoughts toward whoever did this, but all corners of her mind were working toward one goal: Anna's safety.

And suddenly, her head was sharp, focused, "This must have been an inside job."

Ariel nodded in agreement. "Who was in charge of security?"

No. No, it couldn't be. Why would he betray her? "Mark."

Ariel's eyes were wide. "Call Alistair, see if he knows anything. His family's worked for your family for many generations, right?"

Elsa nodded robotically and dialed Alistair's number. She could trust him. He answered on the second ring. "Ms. Elsa?"

"Alistair, where are you? Anna is missing."

"I was assigned to security detail of the ballroom," he replied gruffly. "Ms. Anna is missing? I saw her speaking to Mr. Falk on the patio not too long ago."

Elsa's rage flared. Was Hans involved in Anna's disappearance somehow? She knew there was something suspicious about the looks that he had been exchanging with his father all evening. "Where is Mr. Falk now?"

"I'm not sure, Miss."

"I'm at the security box right now; the guards are absent," Elsa muttered. "I need to speak with you right this moment. Meet me here. Bring me the security footage from all the cameras in the house."

"What about your mom?" Ariel whispered on their way back into the house. "What are you going to say to her? I think she still expects you at the party."

The mere thought of her mother set Elsa's bones on fire with rage. "My mother," she clenched her jaw, "if she tries to stop me, I will kill her."

* * *

**Three Hours Since Kidnapping**

By now Elsa had completely erased the existence of the celebration happening in the other pole of the house from her head. Her mind was wholly occupied with the greyscale security recordings retrieved from the cameras scattered throughout the mansion. She was pretty sure she had watched them so many times that she could create perfect replicas without even referring back to the original tapes.

She downed her fifth cup of black coffee, courtesy of the coffee machine in the security box, barely noticing the bitter flavour that remained on her tongue, and replayed the tape she was currently watching. Six hours' worth of security tapes, from eighteen different cameras. If she hadn't known the exact time that Anna fled the ballroom, it would have taken at least a hundred hours to sift through all the footage.

But it was all useless, she realized, because the footage was  _missing_  from the security camera located at the front gate during the time that Anna left the ballroom, and its absence affirmed her suspicion that this kidnapping was an inside job, meticulously planned with someone who would have known the surveillance detail about the mansion on this very night. Someone who was able to communicate with the security guards had made sure that the front gate was left open and vulnerable during the estimated time of Anna's disappearance. Someone like Mark.

She brought a fist down on the wooden table where the computer monitor sat, the force of impact knocking over the ceramic mug that had held her coffee.

Ariel was seated behind her, warily sifting through the footage from the other cameras of the house, hoping to catch any glimpse of a suspicious person or vehicle arriving or leaving.

Alistair approached them then; Elsa had sent him to look for Hans Falk. "Ms. Elsa, it seems President Falk and his son left some time ago."

Her gaze remained on the bright computer screen. "And there is no footage of that here, either. What of Mark?"

"He is nowhere to be seen as well. I have tried to contact him, but my calls go straight to voicemail."

Elsa nodded, feeling dangerously calm. Her brain was on overdrive, every neuron working to make some sense of what had transpired tonight, so preoccupied with finding a clue that she couldn't even feel anything. Except cold, hard, rage. It was as if she would spontaneously combust if she stopped doing everything in her power to find Anna. She didn't even have room to feel regret. No, she was afraid that as soon as she began to feel regret, everything would shut down. Her sanity was hanging by a thread.

But it was as if her mind no longer had the capacity to feel any emotion apart from anger and rage. As if the reality of Anna's disappearance had taken the chunk of her heart that made her human. No, right now, she was not human. And if anyone got in her way, well, there would be hell to pay.

And the first person on her mind was Mark. And then Hans. Or maybe both at once. Whoever she could get her hands on first.

"I think our best option would be to wait," Alistair suggested carefully, "if Ms. Anna was kidnapped, we'll receive a threat soon enough. Ms. Elsa, may I request that you get some rest?"

"No. I will not rest until Anna is found and safe," Elsa replied mechanically, eyes not leaving the monitor. "How long has it been since the Falks' departure?"

Alistair checked his watch. "I would estimate about three hours. The guests have already departed. The President will be curious about your absence."

That was the last thing on her mind.

"Elsa, look!" Ariel exclaimed from behind her.

Elsa whirled around immediately, and focused on the screen that her friend was pointing at. A white van could be seen passing in front of the gate from one of the side cameras of the front door. Elsa checked the timestamp in the corner. That was about three hours ago. The clock corresponded roughly with the time that she had last seen her sister. "Zoom in on the license plate."

Ariel fumbled with the keyboard, until Alistair reached over and tapped a key. He wrote down the plate number. "I will cross-check the plate number in the database," he assured them.

"Elsa, you should change," Ariel murmured.

They were still dressed in their ball gowns, and Elsa relented, resigning herself to the fact that they had exhausted all the information out of the camera footage for tonight. It was time to tell Alana of Anna's disappearance.

In one hand she was clutching the Olaf charm so hard to her palm that it left an indent in her skin.

* * *

**Five Hours Since Kidnapping**

Everything is so hazy, was Anna's first thought as she tried to clear the fog in her head. She could tell she was moving, but everything was dark. Was she in a car? She knitted her eyebrows and fought to keep her heavy eyelids open. The smell of tobacco and alcohol filled the air, and she almost gagged until she realized her mouth was taped shut.

Alarmed, she tried to move, and found that her arms and legs were bound by rope, and that her body was slumped against the cloth seat. Her eyes were beginning to focus through the blur of sleep and she saw a dark shape sitting across from her. She straightened stiffly.

"Sorry," the shape said. "We had to tape your mouth shut in case you screamed in your sleep or something." It was a man's voice.

She grunted, and struggled in her restraints, only to chafe the skin of her wrists and ankles against the leather rope. She tried to glare at her kidnapper.

He leaned forward, into the light of the window, and her eyes widened in alarm. She recognized Mark, Elsa's personal assistant. Had he betrayed their family? Why was he working with Hans? How dare he betray Elsa's trust!

"I know, I know, you're thinking that I'm a horrible person, betraying your sister, and your mother, and all that," he laughed. "But you haven't seen what your mother does for the sake of the company. I mean, the horrible things she does, even to your sister! And Elsa is starting to become just like her."

 _And how is this not a horrible thing?_  Anna's glare didn't waver.

He sighed. "Well, we're in the middle of nowhere right now anyway, but if I let you talk, do you promise not to scream?"

She kept her eyes on him, and nodded slowly. He reached over and ripped the tape off. She winced.

"So," Mark chuckled. "How you feeling?"

Her anger flared, but she decided that screaming and yelling was probably not going to do her any good. "What are you going to do with me?"

"Oh, we're just going to use you to force Elsa and your mother to sign all the assets of Arendelle Corp over to Falk Industries, and then you'll be free to go," he responded flatly.

"Why? Why are you siding with Hans Falk?" Anna asked incredulously.

"You really don't know anything, do you?" Mark shook his head at her. "Well, that shouldn't be a surprise. After all, Elsa doesn't trust you enough to tell you  _anything_." He laughed again, "That was a lie, you know. I told Hans to say that. But you believed it so easily! You made your capture so much easier than I expected. I mean, after the things your sister does for you…"

She gasped, and suddenly she felt guilt and shame as she recalled her argument with Elsa. "You used me? And you're planning to keep on using me." She suddenly couldn't believe she had been so easily tricked. Did she have so little faith in Elsa?

Suddenly, the car stopped. One of the doors opened, flooding the cabin with light, and Anna realized she was sitting in a van, which is why the seats were lined against the walls of the vehicle. She made out white trees and rocks outside. Snow? Where were they?

Hans boarded the vehicle, and smiled at her. "Oh, I see our guest is awake. Mark, did you deliver the letter and the note?"

Mark nodded in response.

"Why are you doing this?" Anna demanded as the van began to move again.

Hans laughed contemptuously, "You're in no position to be striking that tone, Anna. Oh, well, it's not like telling you will make a difference." He lit a cigarette and rolled down one of the windows. "You know, I was originally only planning to make friends with Elsa. To put the past behind us and start anew. But then, your mother made such outrageous demands for our first contract, and when we refused, do you know what she did?" He paused for effect, smile fading. "She threatened my brother! And now, he's in a coma because of her!"

Anna gasped, eyes widening in shock. She shook her head in denial. "No, my mother would never do that. It's impossible. She might be cold on the outside, but she's a kind, gentle person inside."

Hans laughed at her again. "And you know this how?" he mocked, "The same way you trust Elsa? The same way you know Elsa? Believe me, Anna. Elsa is a monster just like your mother. They're both willing to cheat to get to the top. To them, the ends justify the means."

"No!" Anna's abrupt interjection surprised all three of them with the intensity of its repudiation. "No," she said again, "Elsa would never. She would never. She's kind. She would never hurt anyone."

Blowing a puff of smoke right in her face, Hans smirked, "She hit  _you_. If she's so  _kind_ , why'd she do that? And you're her sister. Who knows what she would do to others?"

Anna had had a million different rebukes for him, but when he mentioned the slap they turned into a giant knot at the back of her throat, the pain in her chest returned and suddenly the words wouldn't come out.

Hans took her silence as agreement and he chuckled darkly as he threw the cigarette outside the car. "See?"

* * *

**Seven Hours Since Kidnapping**

"Wait, Ms. Elsa! The President has asked not to be disturbed!" Gustav protested as Elsa stormed passed him as soon as the elevator doors opened.

She pushed open the door of her mother's office, shaking off the bodyguards who tried to stop her. "Let me see it! Let me see the letter," she demanded.

Her mother had been looking out the large rectangular double-paned window that overlooked the rest of the city. She turned, one eyebrow raised, and nodded at the paper on her desk.

Elsa reached over and snatched it.

It was contract. A contract that ceded all of Arendelle Corporation's financial assets to Falk Industries.

Paper clipped to the contract was a note:  _You'll sign this if you ever want to see Anna again. Have your heir bring the signed contract to this location by ten o'clock tonight and Anna will be released the next day. Do not try to contact the police._

Below was an address.

Blood was roaring in her ears. Of course they had to sign it. Of course. They had no other choice. Anna's safety must come first. Absolutely. She looked at Alana, the caffeine surging through her making her more agitated than she expected. "We have to sign." It was an order, not a request. "We are going to sign."

"Let me think, Elsa," Alana said. Her face was neutral, not betraying any emotion despite the threat on her daughter's life.

"What is there to think about? Anna is your  _daughter_! You  _HAVE_  to save her!"

"Elsa, there is no proof that they have Anna," her mother replied. "I am not handing over the company in blind faith that doing this will save Anna." She waved to the suited men by the door.

Elsa felt herself being tugged outside. "No! You  _HAVE to save her. You have to._ "

* * *

**Eight Hours Since Kidnapping**

Anna was thrown inside a dank brick shed, thudding against hard concrete. The space was cramped, dark, and bare, save for a couple of hay bales. The reek of moss and dirt filled her nose. She looked up at Hans, gaze still hostile despite what he had told her in the van. "You can't do this! Elsa will find you!"

A sinister smile spread across Hans' lips. "Oh, Anna. That's what I'm hoping. See, after what your mom did to my brother, I thought it would only be fair to stage a little 'accident' for Elsa when she comes to deliver the contract. You know, shake things up. After all, she doesn't deserve to live, if my brother can't."

"You don't even know Elsa will sign the company to you! She's not going to throw away all her hard work!" Anna struggled against her restraints again, and it only resulted in the leather cutting deeper into her skin. She hissed. "She's not going to let you do this."

"She will. And you know how I know? Because I have you. You're Elsa's weakness, Anna. You always have been," Hans knelt down, leaning so close to her that she could smell the tobacco on his breath. "Even in high school. I couldn't get any sort of reaction out of her for  _so_  long. And then I trip you once, and she's  _all_  over me."

The lewd tone of his voice made Anna's skin crawl.

Hans pulled out his phone. "How about I prove it to you? How about you and me, we pull the Ice Queen out of her shell?" He pressed a button, and there was a dialing sound. He put the phone to his ear. "Ah, Elsa. Did you get my note?... Well, would you like to talk to her? She's right here," he chuckled, and held the phone against Anna's ear. "Talk."

"Anna?! Anna, are you okay? I'm going to get you out, Anna, I promise."

Anna's heart shattered at the desperation and worry in Elsa's voice. But she couldn't afford the time to dwell on that. "Elsa, don't do what he says! Don't come! He's going to—"

Hans abruptly pulled the phone away. "Hear that, Elsa? Now, you bring me that contract signed, or you'll never hear it again." He hung up with a click.

"You'll never get away with this," Anna snarled. "You're no match for Elsa."

He got up, one hand on the door. "Oh, Anna. As long as I have you, Elsa would willingly be my  _bitch_." He slammed the door, and she heard the echo of locks clicking.

Anna yanked on the rope, digging the rough leather into her wrists even further. She grimaced, but welcomed the pain as punishment. How could she have been so  _stupid_? No wonder Elsa had been so angry. She was still just a little kid; she never thought of anyone but herself. Who knew how much responsibility Elsa had been shouldering?

Now Elsa's life was in danger, and it's  _her_  fault. If she hadn't thrown that  _stupid_  tantrum in front of so many people, she wouldn't have provoked Elsa to slap her.  _Why_  did she let herself get manipulated so easily?

Anna rested her head against the brick wall, taking a shaky breath as hot tears escaped her eyes.  _I'm so, so sorry, Elsa. After all this time, I still don't understand anything._

How could she ever have doubted Elsa? Her sister had never been anything but kind, caring, and considerate toward her, ever since they were children. How could she let one slap destroy her faith like that? For god's sake, Elsa had only ever tried to protect her. Elsa was still trying to protect her.

She jerked on the rope again, angry with herself, and the taught leather ripped a blistering burn on the back of her wrist. She really had become a burden to Elsa; she really had become Elsa's weakness.

Elsa was going to get hurt because of her, maybe even killed.

A sharp pain shot through her arm, mirroring the aching burn in her chest, and she realized she rubbed against a nail sticking out through the hay bales she was sitting on.

She was not going to be Elsa's weakness forever.

* * *

**Ten Hours Since Kidnapping**

"I'm telling you, I  _spoke_  to Hans; he has her, we  _have_  to save her! I'll deliver the contract, I just need you to sign it!" Elsa was frantically yelling at Alana, hands slamming down on the smooth polish of the President's desk.

Alana sighed. "I've always said she was a liability to you, Elsa. They targeted her because you care about her so much. If you hadn't been so  _obvious_  about it, she would not have been kidnapped, and our entire  _company_ wouldn't have to pay for  _your mistake_."

Elsa flexed her hands against the wood, nails scraping the glossy finish, as she realized the implications of her mother's words. "You're—you're not going to sign?"

Alana's gaze was as sharp as daggers, "No. Now get out of my way. I will handle this."

Elsa grabbed the nearest binder, ready to hurl it at her mother, when two pairs of arms like steel bands wrapped around her and pulled her back. "No!  _NO_! SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER! YOU  _HAVE_  TO SAVE HER!" Her arms were locked in a vice, and she kicked the table with her feet. " _SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER._ " Tears were spilling from her eyes now, as she thought of the consequences if she didn't deliver the contract. "She is my life," she choked. "You can't do this."

Alana strode out of the room, "Lock her in her office until this is over," she commanded the bodyguards currently subduing Elsa's flailing. Alana picked up Elsa's phone, which was still on the table. "I'll hold onto this for now."

Elsa thrashed as she was forced into her office, hands clawing, scratching, legs kicking, but she was no match for two trained men. They closed the door, and she heard it lock from the other side.

Seething with anguish and desperation, vision blurring from the tears, Elsa picked up her chair and flung it at the door.

"YOU CAN'T—"

The computer monitor, ripped it from its cords, slammed into the door. "—DO—"

"—THIS!" she kicked the door as hard as she could, but it would not budge. The desk was thrust into the door, wood clattering against wood. "MOTHER! YOU HAVE TO SAVE ANNA!"

Her throat was raw from screaming, and she could feel more tears of frustration coming on as she realized her situation. She staggered around the office, flinging whatever she could at the door: the binders, lamps, potted plants, until her exhausted body would not carry her any further. "Anna," she cried.

She fell to her knees with a thump, and she couldn't hear anything over the roaring of blood in her ears. She yelled, as loudly as she could, until her lungs felt like they were about to burst.

NO.

Anna.

Anna.

Anna.

This was all her fault. If only she hadn't struck Anna, if only she had tried a different way of communicating with her, if only, if only, if only.

_My mistake._

She slammed a fist into the wall, hissing as her knuckles turned purple, and dropped her helpless head into her powerless hands and hopelessly sobbed.

_Crying is not going to save Anna._

_What do I do? Anna's dead if Mother doesn't sign._

_I can't do anything in here._

_I can't ever do anything right for Anna._

_Oh, Anna. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

She gasped, and scrambled to the phone that had fallen to the ground, and held the receiver to her ear. Of course, it was dead. Her mother must have cut her line.

She paced back and forth, hugging herself, trying to think.

It was like her chest was collapsing. If Anna died, what would she do? Her breath came out in gasps.

_Calm down. This isn't helping Anna._

_Focus._

Her frantic gaze rested on an air vent near the floor that was previously hidden by her desk, and suddenly everything fell into place. If her mother wasn't going to save Anna, then she would have to. Or die trying. Anna was her  _life_.

She crawled to the air vent, ignoring the pain that stung at her knuckles. Hell, what was pain anymore? It was everywhere, her nails, her head, her legs, her  _heart_. A little bit more wouldn't matter.

She inspected the vent. She could probably fit; she was slight enough. If she could get out of the office, she could get help. Ariel was still waiting for her to call.

A plan came into focus in her mind, and it distracted her from the pain.

There were four screws locking the vent cover in place, one in each corner. She would need something to get them off. She doubted there was anything in the office that she could use. She stared at her hands, cursing them for being so pampered, so incompetent. Her eyes were suddenly drawn to the glint on her wrist as a ray of sunlight streamed into the room. The Olaf bracelet.

She unclasped it from her wrist. The flat silver charm was thin enough to fit the slits of the screws. She brought it to her lips and kissed it before she got to work. After some time and fumbling, she finally loosened the fourth screw, and uncovered the vent. She wrinkled her nose as she was greeted by a flurry of dust. Throwing a final glance at the door, she got up and pressed her desk and chair closer to it; her initial attempts at breaking the door now serving as a barricade.

The inside of the air vent was dirty, cramped, and filled with dust. She fought the urge to cough as she crawled inside.

 _Anna_.

She pushed forward, looking for an empty office or washroom where she could inconspicuously exit the ventilation ducts.

Some dimwitted part of her mind decided to recollect the time she and Anna had crawled under her bed once, with the intent of scaring the next maid who came in to clean her room. But as soon as they went under, Anna got scared by the shadows cast onto the wall by the dust, and Elsa held her close, humming "just dust bunnies, just dust bunnies, just dust bunnies," to the tune of Dory's "just keep swimming" in  _Finding Nemo_ , until Anna started giggling because she thought Elsa meant actual bunnies.

Elsa gritted her teeth at the stinging the memories brought to her eyes, wiped them with her sleeve, and peered through the vent cover in front of her. She seemed to be in the ladies' washroom. She shoved on the cover, and when it didn't budge she twisted uncomfortably in the narrow area so she could kick it. Thankfully, the screws were old and it broke off the corners reasonably easily.

She straightened and made a beeline for the stairs of the fire exit; the elevators were right in front of the receptionists' desk, and Gustav would probably have seen her.

Where was the nearest pay phone? Forget the pay phone, she didn't have money anyway. She crossed the street to the nearest coffee shop. Oh, god. What was she going to say? Damn her lack of proper social interaction.

She did  _not_  have the time to waste on this; she needed to think of a plan before Hans did something to Anna when he realized that Alana was not going to sign. She ran a hand through her hair and approached the barista. "Hi, can I use your phone?"

The man looked at her like she was crazy.

She tried again, "Please." What did people say at times like this? What lies were believable?  _Act. That's what you're good at, right?_ "My boyfriend kicked me out of the house, I'm broke, and I need to call my parents." She hoped her disheveled appearance would be the right kind of convincing.

He seemed to take pity on her and gestured to her. "C'mere." He handed her the phone. "Take your time," he muttered and went to serve the next customer.

Elsa dialed Ariel's cell, and fervently hoped her friend did not ignore unknown numbers.

"Hello?"

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Ariel, I need you to come get me."

"Elsa? What happened? What did your mom say?"

She made an impatient noise, "I'm at the Blenz across the street from the office. I need your help."

* * *

**Twelve Hours Since Kidnapping**

Anna held the nail between her knees, the fabric of her gown making the metal slip every time she brought her bound wrists over it. She lost track of how long she had been doing this, but the leather was wearing away, slowly. Although she wasn't sure if the skin of her wrist was going to outlast the leather. Her flesh was raw, each rip of the nail burning more painfully each time.

Someone knocked on the door and it opened. Anna quickly hid the rusty nail in the skirts of her gown. She tilted her head upward to see Mark.

"I brought you some food," he murmured, placing a tray with a bowl of soup and a piece of bread in front of her. "Better than nothing, right?"

"You don't seem like a bad guy to me," she whispered back to him. "Why are you helping Hans with this?"

He sighed. "I told you. I think your mother is evil, and she's grooming Elsa to be just like her. Sooner or later Elsa is going to end up cheating or backstabbing people to get something that she wants. Didn't you notice all the glares that were cast in your mother's direction during the toast last night? You don't know how much blood was spilled to make Arendelle Corp as wealthy as it is."

She stared back at him, evenly. "You said my mother does horrible things to my sister. Back in the van. What did you mean?"

He looked at her intently for a second. "The way I see it, your mother has long been threatening your sister with your wellbeing. What we're doing is probably nothing new for Elsa."

"What?"

"Has your mother or father ever struck you?"

"Mom and Dad? No, they would never—"

"Well, your mom threatened to 'discipline' you unless your sister could prove you're not a liability, and I quote." He stood and dusted himself off, uneasily raking his hands through his short brown hair. "Well, your mother and sister have till tonight to save you. Better hope Elsa gets here fast." He slammed the door behind him, lock clicking shut again.

Anna refused to let his words sink in, and pulled out the nail again, this time rubbing the leather even more roughly against it, ignoring the searing burn in her wrists.

* * *

**Fourteen Hours Since Kidnapping**

"I don't understand, Elsa. She won't sign it? Anna is her daughter!" Ariel was grabbing clothes from her hotel room closet and shoving them at Elsa. "I can't believe your mom would give up Anna to save the company! Are you sure she doesn't have some other plan in mind or something? Maybe she called the cops?"

"Ariel, I need to be fast," Elsa muttered, changing out of her blouse and skirt and into Ariel's jeans and t-shirt. "I don't know when she'll realize I'm missing and send her goons out to recapture me."

Ariel ran a hand over her face. "What do we do now, Elsa?"

"I have a plan," Elsa was dusting the grime from the vent out of her hair. "But I need your help. Anna's life will be in danger if I don't show up at the meeting place with the signed contract by midnight. But, I can't get the signed contract without being locked someplace by Mother again."

"So what do we  _do_?"

"I need to die."

"Excuse me?"

"I need my mother to think I'm dead," Elsa spoke quickly, "so she won't send people out looking for me. And I need Hans to think I'm dead, so he'll  _need_  Anna; she's next in line as heir. It'll at least buy me some time."

"Elsa, this is crazy."

"I know, Ariel," Elsa agreed, "But I have to save Anna."

"And you're going pretend to be dead, how?"

"I'm still working on that. Do you know where they are now?"

"Alistair called me when you were locked up. He said a van with a matching license plate was last seen a couple hours ago up north in Whistler."

"Whistler? Why would Hans take Anna up to Whistler?"

Ariel shrugged. "Maybe it's easier to hide a body on a mountain covered in snow."

Elsa inhaled sharply as she realized that Ariel's explanation was a very plausible one. "The location on the note was in Whistler, too," she recalled slowly.

"You remember it?"

Elsa only nodded.

A knock on the door made both of them jump. Ariel motioned for Elsa to hide as she crossed the suite and looked through the peephole. She opened the door.

It was Alistair. "Ms. Ariel, have you heard from Ms. Elsa yet?"

Ducked in the closet, Elsa heard Ariel respond warily, "No. Did President Arendelle send you?"

"No, Ms. Ariel. The President has ordered lockdown on Ms. Elsa; she may be trying to contact us."

"How do I know you're not just looking for Elsa so you can help the President lock her up?" Elsa could imagine Ariel's dubious glance.

"With all due respect, Ms. Ariel, I have known Ms. Elsa and Ms. Anna since they were children. I've never agreed with some of the President's decisions, but this one would make even their late father roll over in his grave. I know Ms. Elsa will not allow Ms. Anna's life to be put in danger. That is why I am here."

"You can just call me Elsa, Alistair."

She watched as the gruff, Russian man's gaze shifted from Ariel to herself. He seemed older, white hairs coating the slick blackness of his head. His scars were more defined, and they spoke of battles from long ago, some lost, some won. Despite his rough features, she could distinguish the loyalty in his sunken eyes. She realized with a start that his current age would not be far from her father's if he were alive.

If her father were alive, would he have given up Anna?

She pushed the question aside, and held out her right hand to the veteran warrior. "I need you to help me die, Alistair."


	26. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Some violence

**Sixteen Hours Since Kidnapping**

_Anna, as a child, used to get into all sorts of mischief. One of these was sneaking out after it was her bedtime. She would almost always get caught, by the maids, by her father, by Gerda, but it never deterred her from swiftly sliding out of the covers again the next night._

_Why was she so adamant about not being in bed when she was supposed to be? Well, because Elsa's bedtime was two hours later than her own. So she would sneak out to the library, in hopes of catching a glimpse of her sister retiring from a night of studying, just so she could spend a few extra minutes with Elsa._

_There was once, when she was eight, she had succeeded, and made it to the library undetected just as Elsa was departing._

_The ten-year-old blonde's eyes widened as she watched her rambunctious sister bounce toward her. "Anna! What are you doing out of bed?"_

_Elsa had not been as good as hiding her emotions then, and Anna could see real fear in her older sister's eyes. She didn't let that affect her, though; she was much too excited at seeing Elsa again. "To see you! You're always busy studying; you never have time to play! Let's sneak into the kitchen and steal some chocolate! C'mon, it'll be fun!"_

_Elsa had never been very good at rejecting Anna's crazy ideas when they were together, despite being the more logical and reserved one. Or maybe she cherished the moments she was able to share with Anna just as much as Anna enjoyed the time spent with her. She allowed the frenzied redhead to grab her hand and pull her to the dark kitchen, where they rummaged through the food stores of chocolate like hungry bears ravaging through berry bushes._

_Of course, they were caught. And of course their parents had come to investigate the ruckus. Elsa, infuriatingly noble, even as a child, had taken responsibility, even after Anna insisted that the idea was hers, not Elsa's. Guilt weighed heavily on her heart as she watched Elsa's platinum braid disappear between the doors of the kitchen._

_She'd successfully made it to the library several times in the nights after, but she never managed to meet Elsa again._

At least now she knew why. Or maybe she'd always known, but was just too selfish to believe it.

Elsa had been protecting her. Elsa had always been protecting her.

Elsa always bore all the blame and fault.

That thought was the sole reason as to why she could withstand the pain that was rippling in her arms and legs.

With a triumphant snap, Anna wriggled out of the tattered ropes around her wrist. Groaning slightly at the torrid rawness of the burns, she rubbed them gently with her hands before taking the nail and proceeding with the next part of her plan; the bricks of the wall seemed loose, and she hoped there was only one layer of them. She was sure she could escape if she could manage to pull out several of them.

A chill wind blew through the narrow gap under the door, causing a shudder to rush through her and she huddled against the bales of hay. She wasn't sure what time it was, but the dimming of the light through the gap of the door told her that evening was approaching. She tore at the tar and glue between the bricks, pleased that it was so brittle and came off in chunks.

Footsteps rattled on the concrete, and she hurriedly wrapped the loose rope back around her wrists. The door swung open, and another tray was brought in to replace the previous one. This time, it was Hans, and he seemed furious.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" He was yelling. He abruptly struck her across the cheek. "That's what I wanted to do to Elsa, but now I can't, because she went and got herself fucking  _killed_  in an accident! Why is that damned bitch always a step ahead of me?"

She gasped at his words, almost forgetting that her hands were still supposed to be restrained. She tasted blood in her mouth. She screamed back at him, "What do you mean, she got herself killed? She's not—Elsa's not—"

"—DEAD!" He sneered back at her. "Some freak car accident." He clucked his tongue in annoyance. "Well, this means you're the heir now,  _Ms. Anna_. Now there's no way your mother will ignore my demands. Although, there will have to be a change of plans. Maybe I'll have President Arendelle bring me the signed contract herself, and grovel at my feet for forgiveness. That does have a nice ring to it," he laughed maniacally. "Revenge for my brother."

Anna barely heard the rest of his speech after he had uttered the word 'dead'. Her world became surreal, like it was all a dream, like none of this was happening. This was a nightmare. It had to be.

Her breathing quickened, and she was silently pleading with some higher power to wake her up now, to feel Elsa's hands wiping away the hot tears that were spilling from her eyes, to hear Elsa's voice murmuring in her ear, to see Elsa in front of her, around her, holding her, keeping her safe.

Like she always did.

No.

 _No_. The word was anguished in her mind, denial trying to shut out all her other emotions, and she was falling, spinning, crying, yelling, all at once. She was vaguely aware of Hans trying to scream over her cries of denial, and a sharp pain shot through her skull as he grabbed a handful of her hair.

"Listen here, bitch," he growled, face inches from hers, "your sister has screwed things up for me enough. So shut your mouth before I cut your tongue off."

She spat in his face, and he roared angrily, throwing her to the ground. She ripped her arms free and tried to strike him, but he reacted too quickly and stepped on her right hand, and she heard an ugly crunch, followed by excruciating pain shooting up her arm.

"I will kill you, bitch," Hans snarled, ready to step on her other hand.

"Hans, stop it; we still need her," Mark called from outside. Hans released her and left, locking the door behind him. She clawed recklessly after him, raking her nails against the door as it closed.

No, no, no.

Elsa.

Elsa couldn't be. She couldn't be.

Anna pounded the ground with her injured hand, tears springing to her eyes from the pain. Not the pain in her hand.

She realized she would never be able to apologize. She would never have a chance to remedy all her hurtful accusations, her harsh words, her wrongful assumptions. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't take any of it back. A whimper found its way out of her choked throat.

She wouldn't be able to thank Elsa for everything that she had sacrificed. Why had Elsa always been so selfless? Why was Elsa so kind to her?

She wouldn't be able to say sorry.

She couldn't accept it. Elsa couldn't be.

She was sobbing, head against the unfeeling brick wall, body crumpled on the ground, her will to fight extinguished completely by the sensation of her chest caving in on itself.

"I love you, Elsa," she cried softly.

_And I'm so, so sorry._

* * *

**Sixteen Hours Since Kidnapping**

Alistair helped Elsa out of the flaming car, and she turned to throw her driver's license onto the seat. They hurriedly ducked into the vehicle that pulled up beside them.

Elsa looked up at the low cliff that they had driven off of, and fervently hoped the cover of snowy trees would hide them from the view of the other cars that had stopped on the highway to inspect the accident.

She hissed and rubbed at a bloody gash on her forehead; despite all the precautions they had taken, it was still apparently impossible to escape such a dangerous act unscathed. Alistair had prepared the car to cushion the impact, and it had made it significantly less jarring, but the side window had shattered on her.

It didn't matter, though. All Elsa could think of was getting to Anna.

"Did you run the light?" Ariel asked them as they got in her car.

"Yes," Alistair replied, rubbing his neck, "Hopefully they got a good shot of our faces. If not, the photo IDs we left on the seats should be enough to warrant missing or presumed dead status."

Elsa turned to cast a goodbye glance at her Mercedes-Benz, now a conflagrated metal pretzel against the large tree, the heat of the lapping flames making the silver appear almost watery, as if the car were crying for her.

"How long until we can get to Whistler?" she asked.

"An hour and a half," Ariel replied in the front seat. "In the meantime, clean yourself up."

Whistler Village was a small, touristy ski town, nestled at the foot of two BC Coastal mountains. It was also covered in a layer of snow. Behind it, Elsa could see Blackcomb Mountain, and as they approached the town police station, her heart hammered against her chest.

_I am going to get you out, Anna._

She barely noticed the snowflakes that were beginning to descend, and how strange it was for there to be snow in June. She didn't question it, though; they were on a mountain after all, and there were more pressing matters to attend to.

As Alistair exited the car and headed for the police station, Ariel handed her a thick, large, white windbreaker, "Put this on; it's cold outside. And pull your hood up! You don't want anyone recognizing you! Your face has gotta be all over the evening news by now." She quickly obeyed, and her friend shoved a pair of boots in her face. "I didn't expect it to snow, but Alistair said there's always snow on the mountain anyway, so change into these, too."

Elsa was lacing up her hiking boots when Alistair re-entered the car.

"Okay, my old buddy inside told me that the van pulled in this morning. He didn't find anything suspicious about it, but he did say it was headed somewhere odd," Alistair caught Ariel's questioning glance, and muttered, "He did ask why I was still alive, but he knows me well know enough to understand when I'm not willing to talk. He won't give us away." He produced a large envelope from inside his jacket and pulled out a handful of papers.

They were pictures, Elsa realized. "They went deep into the Coastal mountains," he continued. "Now, I checked, and the only place that has shelter that deep into the mountains is an abandoned ski lodge, and if they are holding Ms. Anna, they wouldn't drive that way without at least stopping there."

He unfolded a map of Blackcomb, and tapped the spot with his index finger. "The snow gets deeper, though, and there shouldn't be any other lodging for miles around. Are you sure you want to do this? We can't get too close with the car, so we would have to hike about an hour up the mountain in the snow, and a storm is coming."

Elsa fixed him with a resolute stare, and he understood. "Alright. Let me drive," he said as he got out of the car and switched with Ariel.

Somehow, Elsa noted, Ariel had managed to lose her bodyguards, as the plan had required. She couldn't risk anyone else seeing her and disproving her supposed death. Elsa realized just how much she owed her friend; Ariel has been with her through all of this, and she reached out a hand. "Thank you, Ariel."

The girl rolled her eyes in the front passenger seat, "Please, Elsa. What are friends for? This isn't the first time I've escaped my bodyguards," and she winked. "So the location that you were supposed to meet Hans' guy; that's here?"

"Yeah, in the village. I expect they planned to verify the validity of the contract and then release Anna from wherever they're keeping her."

"Give me the location; I'll have my guys stake it out when I explain this to my dad."

Elsa scribbled the address on a scrap piece of paper and handed it to Ariel.

When they arrived at the edge of the woods leading further into the mountains, Elsa stepped out of the car, and turned to give Ariel a hug. She was surprised at how tightly her friend held her. "You've gotta come back safe, okay? Both of you. Remember the signal. I really wish I could come with you—"

"Your leg," Elsa smiled, feeling extraordinarily calm despite the dangerous task she knew she was about to undertake. All she could think about was Anna. All that mattered was Anna. "Thank you, Ariel. For everything. Remember to call your father."

"Promise me one thing."

Elsa pulled back, surprised when her eyes met Ariel's hard, unforgiving gaze. "What?"

"Never,  _ever_ , let her go again, you stupid idiot."

* * *

**Nineteen Hours Since Kidnapping**

Anna was still huddled against the brick wall when a gust of chilling wind swept through the dingy shed from the narrow gap under the door. This time, though, she barely noticed the cold. She didn't want to feel. She didn't want to feel her frigid fingers, her burning ankles and wrists, her stinging eyes, and the merciless pounding in her chest that reminded her she was still alive. She was rigid, lifeless, eyes red-rimmed and swollen, face streaked with tear marks. Her gaze was fixed on the ground, but she saw nothing.

She didn't want to live, if Elsa wasn't alive.

Why was the wind still making that annoying howling sound?

Why did that ant still have the gall to crawl across the concrete and disappear through the crack in the wall?

Every memory she had with Elsa was parading across her mind's eye, as if her brain was mocking her for being so  _stupid_. So  _blind_  to the truth. So oblivious to what her sister had been sacrificing for her.

She would never get to apologize to Elsa.

What was the point of staying alive? There was no point if she didn't have Elsa.

Blood was pulsing in her ears, painfully reminding her that she was still alive, each drum more despairing than the last.

She was alive.

How could she deserve to be alive?

Anger surged through her, hot and ravenous. With her uninjured hand, she untied the bindings on her leg and stood up, chest heaving from the exertion. She kicked the door, ignoring the rebound in her leg. "LET ME OUT, YOU BASTARDS!"

She kicked it furiously again, this time splintering the wood. "YOU BASTARDS!" she screamed. "COWARDS!"

The door swung open, letting in another gust of cold wind. She was expected Hans, here to finish the job. Instead, it was Mark. She raised her leg and kicked him square in the stomach.

He yelped in surprise and caught himself on the doorpost. He raised a hand in surrender when he saw that she was about to kick him again. "Please," he whispered, "stop."

She didn't listen, and punched him in the jaw, welcoming the dull ache it brought to her knuckles. She was about to strike him again when he yelled, "—Elsa might be alive!"

She froze for a second. "Stop toying with me!" she cried, throat dry and raw from her weeping and screaming. "You can't even let me grieve in peace? Stop it," she sobbed. "Stop."

"Why would I lie to you? Look, I said she  _might_  be alive," he groaned, clutching his abdomen. "The police haven't found a body—" he broke off when she winced, "—haven't found definitive proof."

"Why—why are you telling me this?"

"Okay, I didn't mean for things to get this out of hand. I mean, Hans seemed like a good guy when I first met him, but now…" he looked over his shoulder nervously and closed the door. "He seems a little crazy, now, you know?" He laughed shakily. "And I don't know if he caused this accident for your sister, or something, but I can't help feeling like we might be kind of responsible for why she's… missing."

Anna looked at him, and noticed that his hands were trembling. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead in the dim light from the lamp outside.

"I thought this was just going to be a quick and easy job, I mean, Pres—your mother signs, Elsa brings us the contract, and it's all over, everyone goes home safe and happy, no one gets hurt, but this, this has really, I mean, it's gone too far," his voice cracked, and Anna could hear the fear in it, "I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I just wanted to stop your mother." He dropped his head into his hands. "I wish I could've done things differently."

"Yeah, me too."

Mark looked over his shoulder again, and swallowed audibly. "I've gotta go. Please, just stay put, okay? I don't want anyone else to get hurt." He tossed a blanket at her and left, door slamming shut behind him.

The wind howled louder outside, as if it were screaming at her.

It blew against the shed, rustling the flimsy straw roof.

It roared against the door, like a thief trying to break in.

It spoke to her.

_I'm going to get you out, Anna, I promise._

Her heart skipped a beat, and suddenly, her head cleared.

Elsa never broke promises.

Hope sparked in her heart. Elsa was alive.

Elsa was alive. She had to be alive. Elsa had promised to save her.

And Elsa never broke her promises. Ever.

Elsa was always there for her.

* * *

**Twenty Hours Since Kidnapping**

Elsa checked her watch, barely visible between the whirling blizzard and lack of light from the dense cover of foliage created by the trees. It was almost time for the exchange. She had no idea if her status of missing or presumed dead would defer Hans from harming Anna, but she hoped it would delay it, and at least give her more time to find Anna.

Her eyes watered as the stormy wind buffeted her, cheeks stinging, ears numb. She raised a hand in front of her head to try to block the bombardment of snow and hail. Every painful breath was difficult, so cold, as if her lungs were being frozen by the air. She trudged through the deep snow, each step taking considerable effort.

The hike up the mountain had taken longer than they expected, the storm slowing them down, and the snow being deeper than they had anticipated. She could make out Alistair's form in her peripheral vision, holding a flashlight.

She tasted iron at the back of her throat as her breath came in gasps, and she was becoming increasingly frustrated with her body; it was so weak, out of shape. Soft. Pampered. She was no good to Anna like this. Every molecule in her body was protesting movement now, every exhausted muscle fighting to work.

The wind was howling in her ear, stabbing at the wound on her head, screaming blame at her, but she endured it. It was what she deserved. This was her fault. She had to get to Anna. It drove her forward. Her index finger traced the shape of Anna's Olaf charm, pressed tightly against her palm.

Alistair led her into a shallow cave; it was wet and icicles dangled from the stalactites protruding from the roof, but it provided temporary shelter from the raging tempest outside.

"We're getting close," he declared as he lowered the backpack from his shoulders and settled on the stony floor. "I suggest we rest for a few before travelling the rest of the distance."

"It's almost time, Alistair," she reminded him fiercely. "We have to keep going, now."

"If I may, Ms. Elsa."

She peered at him, catching her breath. "What?"

"Something I've learned from serving yourself and your father for so many years—"

"Don't talk to me about my father," she snapped, the words sharper than she'd intended. Then she repented and sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm just—"

"I understand," he said evenly, and when she stared into his amber irises, she saw that he did. "Both of you, you always blame yourselves for matters that are out of your hands." When she was silent, he continued, keeping a cautious tone, "Ms. Anna's kidnapping is not your fault, Ms. Elsa."

"Yes, it is! If I had done things differently—"

"If you keep dwelling on the past, thinking about what you could have or should have done differently, you're going to miss the present, Ms. Elsa."

She was tired to argue with him. "What do you mean?"

"It's a never-ending cycle, if you keep thinking about everything you could have done differently, because you don't know if your actions, if performed differently, would have changed the outcome. And if they did, you don't know if the outcome is better or worse. You're distracted by your past. It's okay to regret, Ms. Elsa. Just don't let it swallow you, or you'll drown in it."

"It was  _my mistake_ , Alistair."

"If it was yours, then it was mine as well. And everyone else at the celebration who could have followed Ms. Anna out of that room and prevented her capture."

"Anna is  _my_  responsibility—"

"That does not automatically attribute her disappearance as your fault, Ms. Elsa. Your father tried to condition you to be perfect, as his father did him, but neither of them understood that the pursuit of perfection is an exhausting, infinite one. We are human, Ms. Elsa. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be."

She shook her head, unable to acknowledge his words. Her entire life she had been taught that being perfect was the only option, that the alternative would inflict damage upon herself and others; this was proven time and time again throughout her entire life with Anna, her time with Ariel, and even now. Mistakes were costly; she could not afford to make them. Perfection was mandatory. She was worthless without it. Imperfection was a luxury she could not afford.

"Perfection is a fleeting thing, Ms. Elsa," he said, as if reading her thoughts. "It is unattainable. It's unrealistic to work yourself into the ground in hopes of achieving it. You'll end up punishing yourself and others, just like your father."

Mention of her father triggered a surge of anger, frustration, shame, and last of all, fear, as it always has, and she flinched instinctively. She hoped Alistair wouldn't notice, but nothing escaped his watchful gaze.

"Your father made mistakes, too, Ms. Elsa. And he couldn't let them go."

She glanced at her watched. "We should depart," she deflected.

"Ms. Elsa, you need to stop punishing yourself for Ms. Anna's situation."

"Say what you want, Alistair, but it's not going to change the fact that I am liable," she responded flatly.

He sighed.

* * *

**Twenty-One Hours Since Kidnapping**

The wooden door opened again, and Anna was hoisted up by her arms. She didn't recognize either of the men who escorted her, but she was too cold, too tired to fight back.

She gasped as frigid air took hold of her lungs as she was pulled outside. It was freezing. So cold. Anna had never been this cold before. The snow and rain, it filled her lungs, suffocating her, biting at her exposed shoulders, face, and ears, stinging through the thin fabric of her dress. Her entire body was shaking with the cold. It was hard to control her muscles, they were shivering, trembling, refusing to move. She was practically being dragged into the ski lodge.

She spotted a faint light somewhere in the distance, amidst the snow and sleet, and somehow, she knew. "Elsa," she whispered.

* * *

**Twenty-One Hours Since Kidnapping**

They were close now. Elsa could tell. And the prospect of seeing Anna again made everything worth it. The painful throbbing radiating from her bleeding forehead, the wind cutting against her face, the loss of sensation in her ears, it was all worth it.

Alistair motioned for her to still, and he called over the wailing of the wind, "There are more guards than I expected, Ms. Elsa."

Braving the snow between them, she moved closer, "What do we do?"

"First, we need to find where Ms. Anna is being held," he said, holding binoculars to his eyes. "I don't expect them to have guns, but in case they do… Ms. Elsa, you should stay here."

"No. No way. I am coming with you," Elsa growled.

He sighed, resigning himself to their earlier conversation, and nodded. "Follow me."

She gave a curt nod in return, and crouched to the ground, eyes straining against the dense sheet of whirling snowflakes to inspect the distant ski lodge and the dark brick shed beside it.

Then she heard it.

_Elsa._

At first she thought it was the wind. And then she thought it was her mind finally slipping into insanity, that it was wishful thinking.

But the way her breathing stopped and her heart broke into an agonizing sprint told her that it couldn't be anyone but Anna.

She would recognize that voice anywhere.

Anna.

It hadn't come from the lodge, not exactly. No, it came somewhere further from the lodge… near the brick shed.

"Did you hear that?" she hissed to Alistair.

He stared back at her, confused. "Hear what?"

Was it just the wind? It couldn't be.

"I heard Anna," she told him. "She's here—there," she pointed in the direction of the brick shed.

Alistair didn't question her; instead, he nodded, and changed their trajectory to the position Elsa had defined.

When they got closer, the wind carried the sound of voices. Alistair beckoned for her to hide, and she ducked behind the nearest bush in response. Two men dressed in black coats holding radios marched by them. Elsa was close enough to hear their conversation.

"…Hey, what do you think they're gonna do now that the heir is dead?"

"Ah, knowin' Hans, he's probably gonna kill the other one too, for his brother, y'know? To get back at the Pres."

"Yeah, probably. Let's go grab a couple of smokes…"

That was all Elsa could hear before they were out of earshot. She turned to Alistair, panic flaring in her chest, "They're going to kill her! They're going to kill her; we have to get in there  _now_."

"There are too many of them, Ms. Elsa," he whispered back, "We need a plan. We can't just charge in there."

"We don't have time to think up another plan, Alistair. He might already know that my mother declined. He's going to hurt her. He's going to kill her," Elsa gasped. Then her mind came into focus, and she met his eyes with a piercing clarity. "We're out of time, Alistair. We're going with  _my_  plan."

She turned to stand, when a hand grabbed her shoulder. "Please, don't die, Ms. Elsa."

* * *

The ski lodge had definitely seen better days; it hadn't been used for many years, and the constant rain and snow on the mountain certainly didn't do anything to improve its conditions. For the most part, though, it was just dusty. Spider-webs coated the lofty rafters, and the square windows were coated with a sheet of permanent frost, rattling as wind and snow buffeted the building.

A fire was lapping voraciously at the dusty red bricks of the fireplace, its flames casting long shadows of the couches and tables onto the floorboards. Various candles were lit up all over the foyer, littered along the receptionist's desk, their glow tinting the sanguine wood with a nauseous yellow.

There was a video camera set up in the middle of the lodge's waiting area, where the fire was. Anna was tied to a chair in front of the camera, and Hans kneeled in front of her so that they were face to face. "Are you enjoying life as an only child?" he taunted, "It's a shame I couldn't make Elsa suffer before she died."

She thrashed murderously in the chair, neglecting the cold stiffness in her joints, hitting him with her forehead. The result was a rush of disorientation and a dull ache radiating from the point of impact, but she was satisfied, almost smug, to see him staggering backwards.

He reared back and retaliated with a slap across the face, the ring on his finger drawing a deep cut on one cheek.

She glared at him, "Elsa slaps harder than you do, Hans." At least, Elsa's had hurt more.

He pulled out a knife then, and pressed it to her throat, "I will kill you now, bitch."

Mark grabbed his wrist. "The video," he said.

Hans straightened and nodded, and Mark took his place behind the camera.

Anna's head was tilted back by a hand twisted painfully in her hair, and cold steel pressed against her neck.

"I want you to beg for mommy to save you, Anna," Hans snarled in her ear. "Ask her to save you. Beg to go home." When she was silent, he pressed the steel a little harder on her neck. "Come on, now."

A guard entered the room, and Hans released his grip on her hair. "Someone's here to see you," the guard declared, smirking.

Anna craned her neck toward the door, and all her air escaped her. Her chest closed down in a caustic vice, and a knife worked its way down her throat.

No.

No, no, no.

"Why?" she cried, "Why did you come?"

"I promised," Elsa replied, a bittersweet smile gracing her angelic features.

Anna wanted to scream.

"Well, well, well, her majesty, the Ice Queen, back from the dead?" Hans laughed. "Delivering yourself to me on a silver platter? Just in time to watch me carve up your sister's face."

Anna watched Elsa's jaw clench. Despite that, the blonde replied evenly, "Don't you want revenge for poor Henry, who just  _died_  in the hospital? You could kill  _me_ , Hans, and get away with it, because I'm already supposed to be dead."

Hans whirled on her, eyes wild with hatred and rage. "Get out," he roared at Mark and all the guards in the room.

Anna could tell it was a lie. She could see it in the apologetic cobalt that pooled in Elsa's beautiful eyes. She could hear it in undertone of regret in Elsa's weary voice. And even if she hadn't seen it, hadn't heard it, she knew, she  _knew_  that Elsa would never. She would never have done that to Henry Falk. Again, Elsa was protecting her. "Please," Anna pleaded. "Don't.  _Don't_."

Elsa only smiled at her. "Close your eyes," the blonde whispered, the gentle words burying themselves behind Anna's eyelids.

* * *

_When she was nine, Elsa was in elementary, and she spent all her free time in the school library, recesses, lunch breaks, all her free time._

_There was once, seven-year-old Anna ran into the library, knocking into her and hugging her so tight that Elsa thought she might pass out from lack of air. She was so shocked that it took her a moment to realize that Anna was shaking, trembling, crying._

_Elsa always thought Anna was adorable. The rhythmic way those twin pigtails bounced when the girl was running, the goofy one-sided smile, the endearing way she always called, "Elsa!" Elsa loved it all. And so she hated to see her sister cry. Detested it. Loathed it._

_So whenever Anna came to Elsa crying, Elsa would disregard all consequences and ask, "What's wrong, Anna?"_

_The girl looked up at her, bleary-eyed, lip quivering, "Robby Adams stole my cookie."_

_Well, you don't mess with Anna without messing with Elsa. Clutching her sister's hand, Elsa led Anna back outside to the sandbox where the offending kid sat, munching smugly away at the stolen goods._

" _Where'd you get that cookie, Robby?" Even as a kid, Elsa's eyes were capable of throwing piercing daggers._

" _I f-found it," the kid replied, hands shaking under the weight of the older girl's glare._

" _Really?"_

_It wasn't long until the boy collapsed under the pressure of Elsa's burning glower. "Your dumb sister gave it to me!" He cried._

_And then his face met Elsa's fist. The impact knocked him backward, tears sprang to his eyes, and he fled, crying for his mother._

_Anna was giggling beside her, and Elsa squeezed her hand in silent agreement._

_That night, her father had beat her extra hard with the belt, the cold, merciless metal leaving trails of burning scarlet in its wake. But that night, no matter how hard he beat her, she would not acknowledge that it was a mistake. She didn't cry. She didn't beg for forgiveness._

_Because the smile on Anna's face had been so, so_ worth it _._

That was what she was thinking about when a knee collided with her abdomen, and she doubled over, falling to the floor. She couldn't feel her ribs anymore; Hans had swiftly smashed them with several successive kicks to her sides, the sickening crunch still echoing in her ears.

"Scream!" He demanded.

She felt him pick her up by the collar of her jacket and roughly throw her against something wooden. There was a sharp pain in her lower backside. She had landed against the corner of a drawer? Bookshelf? She fell to the floor again with a thud. She still didn't make a sound.

"Beg for your life!" Hans growled, growing more desperate as he could not elicit a response from her.

It was getting harder to breathe, but there was not nearly as much pain as she expected, which was a surprise. She almost thanked her father for his conditioning exercises, for raising her threshold for pain. It was surprisingly easy to suffer in silence.

There was blood building at the back of her throat, and she spat it out at Hans when he lifted her by the collar of her jacket again. She was vaguely aware of something warm and wet spreading on the back of her head, but the sensation was fleeting, rudely interrupted by the crack of her shoulder when she was tossed against a glass coffee table in the corner of the room. Pain shot up the right side of her body, the side she was lying on, and she realized there were glass shards stained with red on the ground in front of her.

"Why won't you beg?!" He demanded.

 _Ariel's going to kill me._ She half-smiled as Hans angrily threw her again, this time colliding against the edge of a table.  _This jacket is ruined._ It was so strange, how calm she was. It was almost as if she was used to physical trauma, so used to it that any crippling physical pain could not really hurt her.

She felt  _free_. Her entire being was resonating with pain, and she felt  _free_. Because for the first time, she wasn't Elsa Arendelle. Not here. She didn't have corporate responsibilities. She didn't have inheritance responsibilities. She didn't have to lie to Anna. She didn't have to distance herself from Anna. She wasn't expected to put on an act. She only had one goal: to keep Hans focused on her so that he could not harm Anna. And she didn't have to pretend to be someone else to achieve it.

It was one thing she was doing right. It was one genuine thing that she was doing for Anna, as Anna's older sister.

She didn't have to  _conceal_  for this.

And it felt so good. To have nothing else weighing her down.

Someone seemed to be screaming in the background, but Elsa couldn't hear it over the blood rushing in her ears, the pounding in her chest. She opened her eyes and tried to focus through the throbbing in her head. Anna was crying. How she hated that. Tears never belonged on Anna's face.

A wolf's howl echoed from the outside. She blinked. The signal.

Now, she could fight back.

She assessed her position in the room. She was right beside the fireplace, the heat of the roaring flames licking at her face. Hans had his back to her; maybe he thought she was already dead. He was taunting Anna.

"You see, Anna? Elsa's no match for me. Not when I have you. Her weakness." He laughed, the sound bouncing off the taunting walls.

He was wrong. Elsa tried to tell Anna with her eyes.  _He's wrong_.

Anna's look of self-loathing and self-blame hurt Elsa more than any of the wounds on her battered body. Elsa was painfully well-acquainted with those two particular emotions.

He was going to pay for that. For mocking Anna. For the cut on Anna's cheek. For the bruise on Anna's forehead. For the marks on Anna's ankles and wrists. For all the tears on Anna's face. He was going to pay for all of it.

Anna was not her weakness. And she was going to prove it.

Shards of ice in her joints and bones scraped together as she tried to push herself to her feet. Even gritting her teeth was painful, but it helped her focus. Focus. Don't feel. There was a sharp stinging in her leg. Was a bone broken? Glass shard? She wasn't sure.

His back was still to her, but Anna had noticed her. She could see the fear that flashed in the teal eyes that she lived for, and it propelled her to stand.

There was a fire iron resting on the floor, its tip buried in the hot coals of the fire. Her arms were burning with protest as she extended them to grasp the coarse iron.

_Come on._

_Move. Walk. Just a few steps._

_He's going to_ hurt _her._

Pain punctuating every step, she mustered the last of her strength, and swung the iron at him just as he turned around.

"How—" was all he could get out before the hot tip struck him on the side of the head, and he landed on the ground with a loud thump. He writhed on the ground, screaming, clutching his head where the iron had burned it.

She dropped the bar of iron, and stumbled to Anna, legs barely enduring the rest of the distance, causing her to land at Anna's feet. "Elsa," Anna cried, voice choked. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

A cold rage coursed through her, temporarily chasing away all the pain and as Elsa reached up to untie one of Anna's hands, she declared, with as much certainty as she could muster, "No, no, he's wrong. You're not my weakness."

"Oh, yeah?" Hans had gotten on his feet again, eyes watering, one hand still clutching the ugly burn on the side of his head, and she crawled to her feet to face him. Her vision was blurry, probably from loss of blood, but she never felt more determined to defend her words.

She and Hans circled each other, and she tried to ignore the stabbing pain in her right leg. He must have noticed, though, because he aimed a sideway kick right at her leg, where the glass shard was protruding from, and it punctured deeper into the flesh, causing her to stagger to the ground.

"You're no match for me, Elsa," Hans growled. He picked up a shard from the floor, ready to slice at her.

Elsa laughed, "No, Hans. You're no match for  _us_."

Anna, freed from the chair, had crept up behind him and bashed him on the side of the head with a lute. "Don't—"

She struck him again, "— _touch_ —"

And again, "—my—"

And once more, "—sister!"

He lay on the ground, crying out, "Guards! Guards! Mark! God dammit!" And when they didn't come, he pleaded, "Stop! Stop it! Please!  _Fuck_!"

Anna dropped the lute and raced to Elsa's side. "Call… for… Alistair," Elsa groaned, the words bubbling through the blood in her mouth.

Anna did, gaze turning to the entrance when the Russian bodyguard burst in through the doors of the lodge. He immediately went to Elsa, but she grumbled feebly and pointed to Hans' prone, moaning body on the ground. Alistair understood and dragged him away.

Arms encircled her, cradling her head. Anna was crying again, and Elsa brought her hands up to wipe those unwelcome tears away.

"Hey, you saved me," Elsa managed to whisper, smiling up at her weeping sister. "Are you okay?"

"Am  _I_  okay?" The redhead repeated incredulously, sniffling. "You're so stupid! Why, why did you come?" She sobbed, eyes clouded with pain and misery. "You could have  _died_! Are  _you_ okay?"

Oh, Elsa had forgotten.  _Sympathy pain_. She'd been careless again, but it was okay.  _It's okay._ Because Anna was safe. "I'm okay. I'm sorry," she managed to croak. "I'm so sorry, Anna, for everything. I'm stupid," she agreed, grinning. Even that hurt. But at least it wasn't an act.

Anna hugged her tighter, choking out, "No, this is all my fault. I'm so, so, sorry, Elsa."

Elsa cupped Anna's cheek, stroking away the tears with her thumb. "You gave me the strength to get up," she whispered, "I couldn't have done it without you." And then she laughed, even though her ribs were on fire.

"You're laughing at a time like this?"

Elsa dug in her pockets and pulled out the Olaf charm, "I'm  _happy_ , Anna." And she meant it.

Tears pooled in Anna's eyes again, "I think that's the first time you've ever said that to me."

"Oh," Elsa replied weakly, still smiling, "Anna, I'm always happy when I'm with you." Anna bit her lip, and Elsa could see the question looming in her uncertain eyes. "You can say it," she answered.

"I love you, Elsa."

She smiled in reply, slowly slipping into unconsciousness. The blood loss was getting to her. Her entire body was in agonizing pain; there were glass shards still protruding from her right side, one of her legs was probably fractured, her head was aching in every crevice and each breath hurt more than the last, but Elsa could not remember when she had ever felt happier. She didn't have to pretend that she was okay. Because she really was okay.

They were on a mountain, miles from civilization, she would be facing severe reprimand when she returned, but, for the moment, she couldn't care less.

She was here, with Anna. She was home.

Anna was safe. Hans could not hurt her anymore.

And, at that moment, Elsa could not feel more accomplished.


	27. Concern and Comfort

"Elsa? Elsa!" Panic erupted in Anna's heart as the strength died from Elsa's hand and the blonde's head rolled to one side. Her hand grasped Elsa's waist in an effort to support Elsa's limp body, only to be met with an ominous warm wetness. She gasped, and pulled back to see her hand covered in blood.

Alistair was at her side instantly. "The adrenaline is wearing off, and she's going to be in a lot more pain now. Put her down," he urged, and he helped Anna slowly lower Elsa's frame to the ground, resting her head in Anna's lap. Alistair then worked to inspect the unconscious girl's wounds, palpating her sides and legs, muttering, "cracked ribs, broken glass, fractured tibia," to himself. He caught Anna's frightened glance, and tried to smile reassuringly, "Sorry, Ms. Anna."

Anna shook her head, and focused on Elsa's peaceful sleeping countenance instead, now blemished by a number of cuts and bruises, each one plucking ruthlessly at Anna's heartstrings as she touched them with her eyes. "Why, Alistair?" She whispered, voice thick with sorrow, "Why did you let her come in alone?"

She knew the answer before he even replied her. "It was the only way," he replied, a lame euphemism for  _she got hurt so you wouldn't have to_. He noted her averted gaze and added, "You know she hates it when you shed tears for her." He gingerly raised Elsa's head to stem the blood flowing forth from a gash on the backside of her head.

And she knew he wasn't only referring to the tears she was shedding now, but also the wailing that would ensue whenever Elsa was injured in their childhood.

No one understood why Anna would start crying whenever Elsa was injured, and when they took her to see a pediatric psychiatrist, the doctor had come up with the answer in the form of  _sympathy pain_. The definition was, when someone close cried, one mimicked the action to share the pain.

The giant, gaping hole in the doctor's explanation, though, was that Elsa never cried from physical pain in front of Anna. He was wrong. What Anna felt wasn't sympathy pain. She cried for Elsa because every time Elsa was wounded in front of her, Elsa  _didn't_  cry. Even when they were younger, when Elsa couldn't hide how much it hurt, when the pain was plain in her eyes, Elsa didn't cry in front of Anna. So Anna cried for her instead. She cried because it was a different pain. It was as if she saw the tears locked behind Elsa's eyes, tears that were begging to be released, but were vehemently prevented from surfacing. Elsa held everything in. She always did. At least she tried.

And when Elsa was injured, it hurt. It really, really hurt. Not only due to how much the wounds looked like they hurt, but because Anna knew Elsa would always hold it in; she would never let it show. And Elsa never accepted comfort from anyone. Elsa always suffered alone. That fact gnawed at Anna's insides and caused tears to spring to her eyes.

No one truly understood why Anna cried when Elsa was hurt. Not even Elsa. Anna was crying because Elsa wouldn't.

And Elsa had suffered so stoically through Hans' assault; Anna revered, for a moment, at how her sister's delicate frame had managed to endure through all the abuse it had taken. It then terrified her how Elsa seemed so accustomed to suffering silently; no one should ever have to do that.

The last nail in the coffin was that Elsa had done this for her; Elsa had drawn the full brunt of Hans' wrath so that he wouldn't hurt her. How did Elsa expect her to respond to that? How would Anna ever be able to live with herself? Didn't Elsa know how much she meant to Anna? How did she expect Anna to  _live_  with this?

Why was Elsa so  _damn_  self-sacrificing?

 _I'm okay_ , Elsa had said.

How the  _hell_  was she okay? Anna was pretty sure that if their situations were reversed, Elsa would not have hesitated to bite her head off had Anna volunteered to be the scapegoat.

_Elsa, you hypocrite._

Just then, Alistair peeled off Elsa's jacket and hoodie, and they both hissed at the sight of the jagged shards of glass stabbing through the wet crimson fabric of the blonde's t-shirt, just below her waist. "Wait here," the gruff man ordered, disappearing out the front entrance of the lodge, returning a couple seconds later with a large backpack in his arms. He set it down beside them, and dug through for medical supplies, pulling out gauze, peroxide, and a suture set. "Hold her arms."

He pulled up her t-shirt slightly to expose the lacerations and worked on one wound at a time. Anna squeezed her eyes shut as she heard an ugly squishing sound before the clinking of glass hitting wood. Elsa let out a low groan, despite being unconscious. Alistair grimaced, and looked apologetically at Anna. "She's going to like this even less," he warned her, and tentatively pressed a wad of gauze soaked in peroxide to the now-bleeding wound.

There was an anguished cry as the pain jolted Elsa awake. There was a thin layer of sweat on her forehead now, and her eyes were unfocused, clouded with agony. Elsa's inability to hold in her protest spoke volumes to Anna about the degree of pain she was in.

"Don't you have painkillers?" Anna pleaded with Alistair, Elsa's pain rendering her absolutely distraught.

He shook his head, "Ibuprofen's the best we've got, and it's not going to help at all. We couldn't get morphine or vicodin in the short time we had to prepare."

"Give me… something… to bite on," Elsa managed, effort raw in her voice. Alistair complied with a rolled-up hand towel, placed it between her jaws, and she nodded, closing her eyes.

There was a series of muffled groans as Alistair carefully sutured the large open gash on her side that the shard had left behind, and Anna desperately begged him, "What can I do to help her?" She felt a hand grasp hers, and looked down to see Elsa interlacing their fingers, despite eyes squeezed shut and sweat beading on her forehead.

 _Are you kidding me? Are you_ kidding _me? You're in so much pain… and you're still trying to make_ me  _feel better?_

Alistair nodded at their hands, "Talk to her," he suggested gently.

Anna was questioning exactly how that would help when another muffled groan bit at her heart and spurred her to frantic action. "U-uh, hey, Elsa, remember that one time that I, um, ate all the cookies at Christmas? And then Gerda almost lost it because those cookies were for the party on the next day?" She tried not to avert her gaze; the pain that was raw in Elsa's eyes was projecting a crushing pressure in her chest.

Elsa's lips curved weakly.

"W-well, you don't know this, but I actually only ate all the white chocolate ones, because I know you liked the chocolate chip ones. O-oh! And then I got hungry and gobbled up all of the chocolate cake, and you wouldn't believe it but somehow it fit in my stomach. And then Gerda  _really_  lost her marbles," Anna admitted, trying to sound as animated as she could, and internally cringed as she heard another clink of glass dropping onto wood. "But then I got a huge stomachache later and Gerda laughed at me and said it served me right for eating like an obese panda."

Elsa squeezed her eyes shut again, eyebrows knitting together, as Alistair pressed another peroxide-soaked bandage to her side, preparing the suture set, and Anna quickly continued, "Stay still, and I'll give you a lollipop when we're done, okay?" The familiar words brought with them the comforting reminiscence of that time in the nurse's office almost three years ago. "Here, let me tell you about the time I dumped baking soda and vinegar into the laundry machine just before the maids were going to wash our clothes—we just learned how to make a volcano in science class, you know? So I thought it would be cool to pour vinegar in the water and replace the detergent powder with baking soda—you should have seen their faces when the stuff came bubbling out! Gerda knew it was me, of course; I don't know how she always knows, but she  _knows_  like it's written all over my face or something—"

Elsa opened her eyes halfway, affection and amusement pooling in those cobalt depths, the warmth of the gaze sending a wave of comfort over Anna. She never thought her rambling would have ever been of any use to anyone, but the fact that Elsa was staring up at her with tenderness warm enough to melt chocolate ameliorated her previous feelings of uselessness and inadequacy.

"—I'm not that obvious, am I? So anyway, she made me clean it all up after and I couldn't get the vinegar smell out of my hands for  _years_. I swear, Gerda never let me near the laundry room after that, as if she was afraid I'd keep pulling the same prank again. She should've known me better; I never pull the same thing twice. So the next time was when she was trying to bake a cake, I found out it wasn't going to be a chocolate cake, but every cake should be a chocolate cake, right, so I dumped in cocoa powder and chocolate milk when she wasn't looking and seriously, it's like she's  _psychic_  or something, but she hunted me down right after and made me eat some of the batter. I don't know if you know what sugary chiffon cake mix tastes like with cocoa powder and chocolate milk in it, but it was like just sugar coating my tongue and I couldn't get the taste off for at least five hours."

Alistair put down the bottle of peroxide and smiled, "The worst is over," he told them, and Anna breathed a sigh of relief. He then swiftly treated the smaller cuts and fixed a makeshift splint for Elsa's broken leg, then proceeding to pull out his phone to call for help.

"Anna," Elsa spat out the towel, giving Anna's hand a squeeze, "There are… clothes for you… in the bag. You're… freezing."

Anna hadn't even noticed the cold nipping at her bare shoulders and arms until Elsa had mentioned it. Despite the crackling of the heated fire only a few feet away from them, her hands and feet were almost numb with cold, and her joints were aching with the chill. Her discomfort had been extremely insignificant, however, compared to the excruciating injuries Elsa had sustained. How in the world did Elsa still have the energy to worry about her?

Anna stared at Elsa. "Why are you  _still_  thinking about me?"

An odd smile crept across Elsa's features, its smugness out of place amidst the bruises and blood, as if she were enjoying a joke with herself. "What else… am I supposed… to think… about?"

"Yourself!" Anna sputtered, and grimaced when Elsa gripped her other hand, the one Hans had stepped on.

Elsa released her immediately, "What… did… he… do?" Anna marveled, for a moment, at how Elsa had managed to etch rage into her voice, despite its volume being barely above a whisper.

God, beaten to a pulp and still nobly acting like the older sister. This was so like Elsa. It was so infuriating and touching at the same time. Anna wanted to slap some sense into Elsa, to tell her to put herself first for once, and it would have been seriously considered it if the latter weren't already on the brink of unconsciousness. She wasn't worthy of Elsa constantly sacrificing herself for her. "Nothing. Elsa, please, just worry about yourself."

"Don't… argue… with me. It's not… good… for my health," Elsa joked feebly, holding Anna's injured hand lightly in her own, and turning it over so she could kiss the broken knuckles. There was something about the painful effort the action no doubt required that caused tears to well up in Anna's eyes again, despite the pleasant flips her stomach was doing at the contact. Elsa looked at her in surprise. "What's wrong? Talk… to me…"

The irony of that statement called to mind so many things Anna wanted to say in response to that, but most of them would have probably incited another argument between them, which, in light of Elsa's current condition, was not the best idea. Instead, she admitted, "Just once, I wish I could be the one to do this for you, instead of the other way around."

"Do… what?"

"Make you feel better. Make you happy."

Lips curled into a smile again. "Didn't you… hear me? I  _am_ … happy."

Anna knew better than to dispute that, despite her complete inability to fathom  _how_  Elsa could have possibly been  _happy_  in this situation. Instead, she tried a different approach, " _I'm_  not. I am so mad at you."

Elsa looked at her in confusion, fatigue weighing down her eyelids, and Anna could tell it wouldn't be long until she lost consciousness again. She continued, "Yup. That's right. You're in so much trouble when you get better, I swear. For being so stupidly reckless. For trying to act like you're completely fine. For pretending that you're happy with this."

Anna didn't know if Elsa heard her last words, because it seemed that sleep had swiftly claimed her once again, although the blonde's lips remained curved in that same smug smile, as if she were still enjoying some joke with herself.

* * *

The first thing Elsa noticed was the familiar beeping of a patient monitor, that same blasted kind of patient monitor that almost gave her away when Anna accidentally kissed her. Although this time she was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to just rip off the leads and walk away. And then her entire body was on fire; the words  _excruciating pain_  didn't even begin to describe the feeling. It was more like someone was ruthlessly hammering away at her ribs and leg, and that same someone had sadistically replaced her blood with shards of glass. Oh, and there was someone also drilling holes in her sides.

She slowly forced opened the weighted eyelids that seemed to be taped together, squinting through the murkiness of the room and the first thing that came into focus was a bundle of strawberry-blond hair nestled against fair freckled arms which then caused that accursed heart rate monitor to embarrassingly speed up in its beeping. Slowly breathing in and out to calm herself, she searched for a distraction.

She could make out a glint of silver in the darkness, and noticed the Olaf bracelet on the hand that was tangled with her own, which was a bad idea, because the satisfaction of its presence it only further spurred her already racing heart.

Pain forgotten, she closed her eyes, frustrated and unimpressed with how hopelessly uncontrollable her feelings were.

Someone entered the room then; Elsa could hear the clicking of the door, and the whirring of an electric wheelchair told her it could have been no one but Ariel. The whirring stopped beside her bed, and she could basically  _feel_  Ariel's unconvinced gaze burning holes in her face, and before her amused friend could comment on the quickened beeping of the goddamned machine, she opened her eyes in surrender.

There was that look again; Ariel was ready to throttle her. She silently thanked whatever wounds she had sustained; laughably, they were probably the only reason she was still in one piece, so to speak. "How much trouble am I in?" She rasped, voice hoarse from lack of use.

"You are neck-deep in trouble."

Great. She knew Anna was angry with her as well; she remembered that declaration well enough, before fatigue had claimed her entirely. 'For acting like she was completely fine'. 'For pretending that she was happy with this'. The irony of those two statements were almost comical; the only time she hadn't been putting on a façade was when she was lying in Anna's lap, satisfied and contented despite Alistair needling away at her wounds. Anna's adorable rambling had driven away the ruthless stinging of a needle piercing through her skin, proficient in its goal to distract her from the pain. It had felt like ice on a burn, to not have to lie to Anna, at least for the little time they had spent talking. She had put all of her effort into staying awake, knowing that when they returned to civilization she would have to reestablish that detestable mask of indifference.

Anna stirring beside her shook her from those thoughts. Probably saved her from Ariel's wrath at the same time, too. The sleepy girl groggily rubbed her eyes with a bandaged hand, the other still locked with Elsa's, and noted Ariel's presence, muttering, "Wha… time… is it?"

Ariel reached over to the bedside lamp and flicked it on, flooding the room with a warm yellow, a dim brightness that didn't hurt Elsa's adjusting pupils. "Late afternoon; you guys slept through an entire day and then some. It was early morning when search-and-rescue brought you here."

"What of Hans and the others?" Elsa grimaced again at the sound of her own voice. Her tongue was like sandpaper, and her throat a desert. Ariel handed her a glass of water, which she graciously accepted and drained.

"We got them; don't worry. Hans is being held here, in the hospital, until he's stable enough for transport. I gotta say, Anna got him good with that lute," Ariel grinned at them.

"I need to see him," Elsa announced, with as much conviction as her throat would allow.

"What?" Anna and Ariel echoed at the same time, staring at her as if she'd sprouted a third eye in the middle of her forehead.

"I need to see him," she repeated, refusing to acknowledge their disbelieving glances.

"Elsa, are you sure you're alright? You do remember what he did to you and Anna, right?" Ariel asked her slowly.

Elsa gave her an impatient glance. "I'm fine, Ariel. I remember perfectly what he did to me. And I'll never forgive him for what he did to Anna," she flicked a look at Anna's bandaged hand, "But I need to speak with him."

Anna and Ariel exchanged a glance, but neither of them wanted to argue any further with Elsa, so Ariel wheeled herself off to fetch a nurse and inform them of Elsa's request.

"Are you still mad at me?" Elsa turned her head to face Anna, taking in the disheveled bed of auburn, bandaged cheek, and glowing teal eyes.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"I'm well enough to take another beating now, I think," Elsa joked half-heartedly, hoping it would dispel some of the displeasure that was radiating off her sister.

"Elsa, do you think I find what you did for me  _funny_?" Anna asked her incredulously, "Because I don't think recklessly throwing yourself in danger is a laughing matter."

Oh, she really was mad. Elsa sighed. "What would you rather I have done, Anna? Wait for Alistair to slowly pick off the guards outside one by one while Hans continued to—" she struggled for the right word, "—hurt you? And then risk him taking you as a hostage even after all the guards outside were safely taken care of? No, Anna, I wasn't about to take that chance. I would still do the exact same thing, if I were given the choice again."

"You traded your safety for mine!" Anna accused, as if it were a heinous crime that Elsa had committed. "How in the world could you expect me to be okay with that?"

"Anna, it was worth it—"

"Worth it? Nothing is  _worth_  this, Elsa! Nothing is worth you getting hurt for me! Nothing is worth you almost dying! Nothing!"

"Well, to me, it was worth it!"

"To  _me_ , nothing is worth that! Not even my life!"

"Anna—"

"No, Elsa, you  _can't_  expect me to be okay with  _you_  treating your life as worth less than mine!"

They were glowering at each other now, but Elsa didn't argue with her further; the ache in her ribs was bothering her too much and one of her hands unconsciously moved to cover the ridiculously sore area, trying to alleviate the jabbing pain.

How could she explain how she had felt to Anna? The sensation of triumph, of accomplishment, at finally being able to have done something right for Anna, to have protected her successfully, it was too satisfying, too gratifying to be able to express in words.

Her entire life she had been nothing but a source of discontentment and distress to her sister; shutting Anna out, pushing Anna away, and viciously lying were the only ways that she had been able to protect her little sister, from school bullies, from herself, from their mother up until this point. When she was able to achieve this without having to lie or pretend, it was  _liberating_. It was like, for once in her life, she could finally do the one thing that she desperately wanted without simultaneously having to do something that she profoundly abhorred.

So caught up in her thoughts, she hadn't noticed the sniffles coming from beside her, but when she did, they carved themselves into her heart, each one cutting deeper than the last. Ignoring the extreme throbbing that were the protests from the stitches in her side, she dug an elbow into the mattress and pulled herself into more of a sitting position, upper back against the pillow. "Come here," she murmured, and tugged on Anna's uninjured hand, coaxing the distraught girl to crawl onto the space beside her and nestle into her, allowing the red nest of hair to settle on the pillow, against her shoulder.

Elsa brought a hand up to brush away the tears when Anna buried her face into Elsa's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably now, "I-I was so s-scared, Elsa. So s-scared that I would l-lose you. At first, he told me you were d-dead, and then you sh-show up and you  _let_  him h-hurt you like that, and I c-couldn't help b-but think, w-what if you d-died? B-because of me?" A hand knotted itself in the sheets beside Elsa. "Wh-what would I do, w-without you? It was terrifying, Elsa, a-and I-I—"

"Shhhh…" Elsa touched an index finger to her sister's quivering lips, "I'm safe, I'm alive, I'm here, and I won't put you through that again," she whispered, turning so that she could plant a comforting kiss atop Anna's head.

She was painfully well acquainted with that frightening feeling, the feeling of possibly losing someone so dear to her, she realized, as the horrifying memory of Anna falling through the ice almost seven years ago returned to her, along with the ugly flare of panic and shortness of breath when she even considered the possibility that Anna may have frozen to death or drowned because of  _her_. Because she had been so careless. The same taut vice coiled around her heart at the thought, just as fresh as it had seven years ago, and she was overcome with sorrow at having put Anna through that.

There had been nothing worse than the thought of losing a person more dear to her than her own life.

The sobs reduced to soft whimpers, and Elsa lightly caressed Anna's wet cheeks, "I know how that feels," she admitted gently, "It's scary; it's ugly; it's horrible. I would have given anything for you not to have had to watch."

She knew all about the terrible sensation of having to watch someone else in pain; it was why she had always so selfishly removed herself from the situation after having had a fight with Anna, or after viciously lying to Anna. Wanting to suffer alone had been one reason, but not wanting to watch her sister suffer had been another. She had been tormented enough just by imagining Anna's possible responses to her hurtful words and actions. She had been too much of a coward to stay and witness it.

"I'm sorry," she said, thumb stroking slow circles on the back of Anna's hand as the violent shaking beside her was slowly reduced to a light tremble.

"P-promise you'll n-never do that again," Anna demanded through her tears, burying herself deeper into the pillow.

As much as it broke Elsa's heart to acknowledge the emotional pain she caused her younger sister, she found herself struggling to agree to this promise. She hadn't been lying when she said this was well worth it; Anna's life was worth a million of hers. She was still sure she'd rather be the one taking the physical punishment, but the sentiment wasn't selfless; she knew she could endure the pain, but she definitely would not have been able to watch Anna's without losing her sanity. In a way, Anna had endured more than she had, and it made her feel even more undeserving of such a courageous sister.

A redirection was all she could manage through the lump that had inadvertently formed in her throat. "You wouldn't have had to watch if you'd closed your eyes like I told you to," Elsa reminded her, hoping her playful tone would loosen the tension in the air.

Anna sputtered beside her, the statement evidently catching her off-guard. "You couldn't seriously expect me to just ignore what was going on in front of me," she spewed angrily. "Would  _you_  have been able to block it out if you were watching Hans hurt me?"

No, Elsa would have sooner gone insane with rage at the prospect of anyone hurting Anna than actually let that happen, but she didn't respond, out of unwillingness to let Anna get her point across. It would mean what she had done was unacceptable, which was the exact opposite of how she was feeling about her decision, even now.

She sighed and turned her head to the ceiling so she wouldn't have to face the scowl that was undoubtedly gracing her sister's features by now. "I'm sorry about what I did at the party, too," she said abruptly, broaching a subject that she knew might very well have been even more emotionally damaging than the previous one. She wasn't about to win the previous dispute, and she silently prayed that this change of subject would deter Anna from pressing her point, ignoring the small voice in her head that accused her of running away again.

She knew it worked when Anna stilled beside her. "It was my fault, Elsa. I let Hans rile me up before I talked to you. I was angry, and I wasn't thinking."

This surprised her. "What?"

There was a shuffle of sheets as Anna scooted closer to Elsa. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking," Anna confessed again, "He told me you said I was too much of a little kid to trust with anything. That, combined with what happened this entire week, and I was kind of confused and mad because you wouldn't talk to me, and his words just made sense in my head at the time."

"Oh, Anna," Elsa whispered, resting her cheek on the soft bed of copper hair against her shoulder, "That's not your fault. It's mine. It was my inability to communicate with you that caused you to misunderstand my actions. The fault is mine, not yours. You're always believing in me, when I don't deserve any of it. I don't have any right to think that still you trust me, after what I've done to you."

"Elsa," mumbled Anna, in a voice more serious than Elsa would have been comfortable with. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything," Elsa replied, and then blanched at the realization that she might not be able to answer whatever Anna was going to ask.

"Why do you say you don't deserve any of it?"

This was one of the questions Elsa couldn't answer, even if she tried. It wasn't as if she didn't have an answer. There were a million reasons she didn't deserve Anna, a million reasons Anna would be better off without her, a million reasons why she wished she could be there for Anna, and god knows how many times she wished that Anna wouldn't need her in return.

The most glaring reason was that she was broken. Damaged. Incomplete. Twisted. Her father and his exercises on perfection, her mother and her façades, they had turned her into a heinous monster that wouldn't even hesitate when raising a hand against the one she loved most. To say that she loathed herself to the core would be an understatement; there must have been a special place in hell for people like her, those who only caused pain for the ones who tried to love her.

When every situation was distilled to the bare facts, she was to blame for all of her sister's misfortunes; it was always because she couldn't control herself around Anna, because she had wanted her sister's happiness so much that she didn't reach for the foresight to consider long-term consequences.

Caught between all the lessons she'd been forced to take in her childhood, her father's ideals on perfection, and her mother's ravenous appetite for power and control, she never had enough time to spend with Anna. And she could see it in the way the little redhead's round turquoise eyes had lit up whenever they passed each other in the halls that Anna wanted to play with her. That Anna was lonely. The best she could do was to avert her gaze as their shoulders brushed by one another.

It was her fault Anna basically grew up alone. It was her lapse in judgement that had caused Anna to fall through the ice. It was her constant foolish negligence that was the root of all the injuries Anna somehow ended up sustaining whenever they were together. And after she had decided to close herself off from Anna once and for all, she couldn't even endure the solitude properly.

She was imperfect. And the crushing reality of it destroyed her every time she acknowledged it. She couldn't live up to her father's ideals. She couldn't even properly keep up an act. Mistake after mistake, imperfection after imperfection. She had fallen short of everything that was expected of her, even being an appropriate role model for her younger sister.

After all, she had  _fallen in love_  with Anna. And that was just the most despicable thing she could have ever done to Anna. The ultimate failure.

Needless to say, her transgressions were beyond redemption. Beyond forgiveness. Even  _she_  couldn't forgive herself, how could she deserve it from anyone else? How could she deserve Anna's forgiveness and acceptance? There was nothing she could do to begin to redeem herself.

But she couldn't say any of that. So they stewed in silence as she mulled over how to respond.

"You still won't tell me?" Anna cemented the implications of Elsa's reticence.

"I'm sorry," Elsa exhaled, breathing out an air of remorse and regret at her forced secrecy.

"Can I ask you something else?"

"As I said, you can ask me anything. I just might not be able to give you a satisfactory answer."

"Mark mentioned that our mom has been threatening you with my… wellbeing," Anna began, "Is that… is that true?" She was watching Elsa carefully, as if gauging the blonde's reaction for the answer, instead of waiting for Elsa's spoken reply.

"Mother would never hurt you, Anna," Elsa declared steadily.

"Is 'discipline' just a scolding, then?"

"What—"

"Stop lying to me, Elsa. I want you to get whatever misconception you have in your head that says lying to me is going to make me happier and throw it out the window. Your face says you're trying to lie. Please, Elsa. I'm not asking you to spill all your secrets. Just a simple 'yes' or 'no'. Did Mom use me against you?"

Elsa's eyes searched Anna's determined ones, and the conviction colouring the calm depths in front of her convinced Elsa that she wasn't going to escape this unscathed if she continued her attempts to lie.

Her inability to deny it was sufficient evidence of an affirmative to Anna, and the audacious girl pushed further, "How long?"

Elsa was reluctant to divulge anything further. "Anna—"

"How  _long_ , Elsa?" The question was so furiously spoken that it was almost a growl, so uncharacteristic of the usually jovial voice.

"The first time was when she forced me to graduate early."

"Graduate… Oxford?"

Elsa was tempted to lie again and confirm the answer when her hesitation incited a look of realization to cross Anna's face.

"Graduate… high school," comprehension flashed in Anna's eyes as she suddenly sat up and twisted to face Elsa. "She's been using me against you for three years, and you  _never_  told me?"

"What good would telling you have done, Anna? You would have just felt bad that Mother was using you as leverage to push me. Even now, all it does is make you feel guilty."

"Right, because I'm so useless. I can't ever do anything to help you." The statement wasn't bitter, like Elsa had expected, but spoken like it was a decided truth. The defeated tone of Anna's voice ignited Elsa's intrinsic protective instinct, and before she was even aware of what she was doing, protest erupted in her arms and sides and she was hugging Anna to her, despite the comfortably uncomfortable weight of her sister's body against her aching muscles. Anna was quivering as she spoke again, head resting limply in the crook of Elsa's neck, "Mark was right; I  _am_  your weakness. All I do is hold you back."

Good god, in the puny span of time that she had been awake, Elsa had somehow managed to upset Anna twice in a row. This must have been a new record for her. What a noble big sister she was.

"Look, Anna, that's not what I meant. I just didn't want you to worry about me. And it's not like Mother has been constantly threatening me with your wellbeing throughout the span of three years. And despite all her threats, I don't think she would actually hurt you." Finding courage in the hand that came to grasp hers, she continued, "Like I said back in the ski lodge, you're  _not_  my weakness. You bring out the best in me; you give me a reason to get through the day. You're not my weakness, and we'll do something about this together, okay?" She looked downward and smiled as her gaze met a pair of teary eyes. She added playfully, "If anything, chocolate is my weakness. If Mother threatened the safety of the chocolate in the house, I don't know what I would do."

Her last line elicited a small chuckle that resonated through her collarbone to the rest of her chest, which spurred a heightened rate of beeping from that goddamn patient monitor next to the bed. Her ears warmed in response.

Anna shifted the bulk of her weight off of Elsa and back onto the mattress, lips still curled in a smile, temporarily distracted by the implications of the machine's reporting. She was about to say something, something comical, Elsa presumed, judging from the mischievous grin she was sporting.

Thankfully, Elsa was saved from ridicule by a knock at the door. Anna quickly crawled off the bed and seated herself in her original position as the handle turned and Ariel wheeled herself back in.

"The nurses say you're in no condition to be moved, so if you  _really_  insist on talking to Hans, they're going to have to move your entire bed next to his. They would move him instead, but he's in this high security area of the hospital or something and they gotta fill out a bunch of paperwork before they let him near you."

Elsa nodded, and wondered why a nurse hadn't come to speak to her directly about her request. She found an answer in the arrogant smirk pasted on Ariel's face, and suddenly she knew that her friend had taken her time speaking with the nurses on purpose.

Ariel's expression turned more serious as she disclosed more news, "Also, your mom is coming to see you. I have no idea how she's feeling about being tricked by your pretend-to-be-dead plan, but I think we can safely assume she's not happy. Not that she's ever happy, but maybe more unhappy than usual."

Anna gripped Elsa's hand tighter, and Elsa nodded, "Yeah, we'll figure something out, together."


	28. Not Okay

Elsa made a mental note to never make Anna angry again as she took in Hans' injuries on the hospital bed beside her. His head was covered in bandages; she could barely see any of his characteristic ginger hair. She had to give it to Anna; the girl knew where to hit. Apparently he was suffering from multiple cerebral contusions, and there was also the second-degree burn Elsa had given him when she whacked him with the fire poker.

She couldn't care less about the details, though. The nurse wheeled her in place next to him and reminded her, "Remember, hon, you've only got fifteen minutes."

They were indeed in a highly monitored section of the hospital, reserved for patients who were suspected or guilty of psychological instability, in danger of hurting themselves or others. Guards lined the exits and cameras monitored the hallways and patient wards. They evidently didn't encourage the company of outsiders. The door to Hans' room was open, and Alistair stood vigilant and watchful from the doorway. He stepped aside to make room for the nurse to exit when Elsa nodded her acknowledgement of the time limit.

Hans was handcuffed on one side to the bars on his bed. His head rolled labouriously toward her upon the nurse's departure, giving her a clearer view of his face. The bandages wrapped around his head extended down his forehead, ending at his brow ridge, and two slits of viridian glared back at Elsa under hooded lids. "What do you want?" He rasped, voice edged in hostility, with an undertone of pain. Whether it was from his injuries or from the news of Henry's death, she wasn't sure.

She didn't want to be here anymore than he wanted her to, but there was something she had to ascertain. "You knew, all along, that my mother wouldn't sign, didn't you?"

He laughed at her then, and replied, "I would've won either way, Elsa."

He no doubt had a trap laid for her at the location to where she was supposed to deliver the contract. And if she hadn't, judging from the camera in the ski lodge, he would have filmed himself slowly torturing Anna to death and sent it to them in retaliation for what Alana had done to Henry. The ridiculous conditions of the contract represented just how much he wanted to do the latter, and it made Elsa's blood boil with rage. "What exactly did my mother do to your brother?"

That ceased his laughter; his eyes narrowed and he spat, "Don't pretend you don't know! You're the same as your corrupt bitch of a mother! She  _threatened_ my father by hurting my brother right in front of him. And even after my father agreed to her ridiculous contract, she didn't stop until my brother was unconscious, on the brink of death, as if she was making an example of him." There was a long pause, the air between them stretched thin as a wire.

"Was there evidence?" Elsa asked him slowly.

There was a cold chuckle. "Of course not; she didn't leave any traces and it just looked like my brother was beaten half to death, left in an alley, by a bunch of thugs. And now," Elsa heard his voice crack, "he's dead. My little brother's dead." It was as if he was acknowledging this for the first time. It may have well been, Elsa realized; saying something aloud made it that much more real. "He's dead, and I couldn't protect him."

She watched as he covered his eyes with his unbound hand, and it took her a moment to register his shaking as silent sobs. An uncomfortable feeling of empathy overtook her, and she mentally berated herself; she was sympathizing with her enemy. She should have been relishing his pain; it should have felt like righteous retribution for what he did to Anna. But as much as she hated to admit, she understood. She understood the hate and anger. The wrath. Because those were the exact same feelings she bombarded herself with, every day.

"I should have killed your sister when I had the chance," he snarled, voice strained. "So you can despise yourself for not being able to save her. For not being able to protect her. So you can hate me, kill me, destroy me, while knowing nothing you do is ever going to bring her back. Nothing you do will ever make things right. No matter what you do, you won't be able to forgive yourself."

She hated it. She hated the message behind his words. Not only because of its meaning at face value, but also because it betrayed the internal torture Hans was feeling. She hated that she understood him. That she would have done the exact same thing if their places were reversed. If Anna had been hurt to the brink of death, she would no doubt have done something so reckless, so impetuous, that it may well have ruined her life just as Hans had destroyed his.

But the fury that was shredding coherent thought from when he declared he should have killed Anna almost forced the reason she had come to meet him right back down her throat. Almost. She took a moment to redirect, "Your father is being questioned by the police right now about his involvement in this."

His hand was still over his eyes, so she couldn't discern his reaction to this news. She could, however, hear the regret. "He doesn't have anything to do with this. If anything, he tried to stop me. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve losing both his sons."

That wasn't fair. What gave him the right to act so remorseful after saying something so loathsome only moments before? Why was he allowed to spout regret so raw that it very well forced her to believe his words? "Anna didn't deserve to be dragged into this, either," she rebuffed, "She didn't have anything to do with this."

"Neither did my brother!" He roared back at her. "Who do you think started this? It was your side! You people dragged my brother into this! He was just graduating from high school! His life hadn't even  _started_  yet, and now it's been taken away from him!" Another silence ensued. "Now… it's been taken away from him." The last line was barely above a whisper, tormented.

The nurse re-entered the room to remove her; her time was up. Elsa deliberated for a moment on whether to remedy her lie. She detested him, loathed his very existence, for everything that he had done to Anna. But she couldn't bring herself to let even him rain this hell on himself. "I will  _never_  forgive you for what you did to Anna, Hans. Never," she declared as the nurse unlatched the breaks on the wheels of her bed. "But I lied; your brother is still alive. He's still in a coma, but he is very much alive. And your father, if he is really innocent like you say he is, then I will not persecute him for your offense. You will pay for what you've done to Anna, Hans. But your family has suffered enough."

He didn't give her a response until she reached the doorway of his room. Elsa barely heard it, a tortured whisper carrying across the stagnant air of the room.

"Thank you."

* * *

Anna and Ariel were waiting for her at the exit of the psych ward, arms crossed, feet tapping impatiently, the motions so similar that they almost looked like sisters, with their red hair and blue-green eyes, although Anna had a Band-Aid across one cheek and a hand was swathed in bandages. Elsa had to stifle a snicker at the sight of them as the nurses wheeled her back down the hall to her room.

"What are you laughing at?" Ariel demanded. "We still think you're crazy for wanting to talk to him, by the way. What did you talk about, anyway?"

"About what my mother did to his brother."

Ariel looked at her curiously. "What exactly  _did_  she do? I've heard bits and pieces, but…"

"Hans said Henry was in a coma," Anna interjected, "But Mom would never do that, right?" The faith that was plain on Anna's face pierced Elsa like a spear.

God, sometimes Anna was too trusting for her own good. This was her own fault, Elsa relented, because she was so focused on protecting Anna from their mother that she never prepared Anna for the types of things that their mother was predisposed to do. She couldn't baby Anna forever; she knew that. But the innocence that her little sister bore was so precious and rare that Elsa wanted to do everything in her power to preserve it forever.

"I haven't heard it straight from her yet," Elsa admitted. "I do plan to approach the subject with her, though." She hadn't personally witnessed their mother doing anything horribly immoral; for all her threats, Alana had never actually laid a hand against Anna. The hostile ganders that Alana had evoked during the toast at the party were worrisome, to say the least, and it was plainly evident that there may have been foul play involved in the company's success; however, the history of every successful corporation had its fair share of secret deals, some were certainly less than lawful.

A sudden panic gripped her then, as she realized that Anna didn't know about their mother's apathetic reaction to Hans' threat. She shot a glance at Ariel, and the same uneasiness that reigned on Ariel's features told her that her friend had not had the heart to disclose this to Anna, either.

How was she going to tell Anna? That their very own mother was willing to abandon her for the sake of something as superficial as wealth?

Or was this just another addition to the destructive knot of secrets she kept from her sister?

"Anna," Elsa muttered when they reached her room. The door was closed and she had a sneaking suspicion that her mother was already inside. "Will you let me speak to Mother alone? Just for a little bit."

Anna opened her mouth to protest, but Ariel interrupted with a hand on her shoulder and a reassuring smile. "Baby steps," Ariel murmured, and Elsa sang a silent song of praise to her friend. Ariel could be a major pain in the ass sometimes, but the older girl's mastery of skillful perception was unmatched.

"Fine," Anna relented, a pout on her lips. "I'm giving you five minutes. Five. Minutes."

Elsa couldn't help but grin to herself at the adorable expression that accompanied the demand as the nurses opened the door and pushed her bed inside. As expected, Alana was already there, in her usual business attire, eyes cold and arms crossed.

"Let us know if you need anything else, dear," a nurse told her, and Elsa smiled in appreciation as the orderlies closed the door behind them.

As soon as they were alone, Elsa sorely pulled herself into a sitting position, waiting for Alana to speak, smile fading.

"And here I thought you couldn't possibly make any more foolish decisions," Alana scoffed, "But when I arrive I find that you're off talking to Hans Falk?"

"I thought you wanted me to marry him, Mother," Elsa retorted.

"That was just to test if you had learned anything in the past three years. I never intended to follow through a wedding with that vile family."

"Oh, I'm supposed to believe you now, am I?" How did things get so hostile, so quickly? Just looking at her mother was evoking her recollection of that day, locked in her office, bringing an enraged burn to her veins. "If I hadn't done anything, would you have left Anna to be tortured to death in front of a video camera?"

"He planned to kill her regardless, did he not? All I gave him was an excuse. My decision was sound."

Elsa bristled. "Is that how I should act if  _your_  life were threatened? Impassive?"

"Certainly better than blindly gallivanting into danger. I suppose you're expecting commendation for your  _heroic_  exploits."

She worked to rein in her anger. Thinking about Anna, waiting for her outside the door, propelled her feelings in a different direction. "I was talking to Hans about his motive. What did you do to Henry Falk?"

The sudden question seemed to take her mother by surprise. Alana paused for a moment, and then, "I haven't the slightest what you're talking about."

"I'm picking up after  _your_  mess," she almost growled, carefully watching her mother's response, "So I'd suggest you tell me the truth. Hans did this out of revenge for his brother. In return for something  _you_  did to his brother."

"I did give Walter Falk a little… incentive to sign the contract," Alana replied, ever the face of nonchalance. "I never thought that his oaf of a son would pull something so foolish. As soon as news of this kidnapping fiasco goes public, Walter Falk will have no choice but to amalgamate, to save the last shreds of his company."

Elsa decided that that was as close to a confession of guilt as she was going to get. "And it wasn't necessary to tell me this before I conducted negotiations with Falk Industries?"

Alana raised an eyebrow. "Why would that have been necessary? Nothing can be proven, so they will not act any differently. Neither should we."

There was a knock at the door, followed by the turn of the handle, and Elsa cursed under her breath. Had it been five minutes already? Knowing Anna, she probably timed exactly five minutes from the moment Elsa entered the room, not a second more, not a second less.

"Is it true, Mom?" Anna blurted before she was even through the doorway, Ariel huffing in tow, shooting Elsa an apologetic look. "Is it really our fault that Henry is in a coma?"

Elsa pinched the bridge of her nose and wished that she'd haggled for a longer time limit before turning to study her mother's reaction. Alana's countenance was always marginally softer in comparison whenever Anna was in the room, and Elsa couldn't help but wonder if her mother did have a heart, somewhere in there. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or maybe it was Anna's unparalleled ability to cast a warm glow on everything around her, but even their mother's frozen disposition melted ever so slightly when speaking with Anna.

"That is none of your business, Anna," Alana answered flatly.

"It's true," Elsa said to Anna, holding the piercing gaze that Alana shot her. This much, at least, Elsa could sincerely give Anna.

"Henry didn't deserve that! He didn't have anything to do with your contract, or business, or whatever! He's the same age as me!" Anna exclaimed, outraged at the revelation.

The exasperation and irritation emanating from Alana was almost tangible. Still, no emotion dared to grace her features. "He was just a means to an end, that's all. Collateral damage."

Elsa watched the horror drain into Anna's face as her younger sister slowly discovered the true abomination that was their mother. "That doesn't make it okay to do that to him! Are you going to do the same to me if Elsa doesn't do what you want?" Anna questioned relentlessly, in spite of the dismay that she was no doubt feeling at their mother's true nature and suddenly Elsa regretted divulging the truth to her.

Anna was being too reckless, dangerously treading on their mother's temper. Elsa wasn't sure how ready Alana was to make good on the threat, but she definitely did not want to push her mother to the point of finding out. She shot Anna a warning glance, a plea not to exacerbate the situation. "Anna—"

"No, Elsa, I'm not going to let myself be used against you, to force you to do things that you don't want to do. To force you to do  _wrongful_  things," Anna added, with a pointed look at their mother.

Alana seemed surprised at the determined expression her usually boisterous daughter was wearing at first, and then a sour smile spread across her face, one that made Elsa's stomach churn with unease. " _Wrongful_  things?" There was a malicious humour embedded in her tone. "Oh, Anna, I wondered what it was about your stupidity that your sister finds so endearing that she has to protect it at all costs, but this is just  _priceless_."

Elsa was used to Alana's sharp words, but she knew that Anna wasn't. And if years of enduring their mother's harsh tongue had not rendered Elsa immune to this verbal abuse, then one could only imagine how much they had stung Anna. She could handle their mother's unbridled cruelty, but the fact that Anna was being targeted along with her enflamed Elsa with an ardent desire to throw something at Alana and demand an apology.

To Elsa's amazement, though, her younger sister didn't falter, despite an unwillingness to continue plain on her face. "Regardless," Anna stated diplomatically, "I will not stand idle while my life is being used to blackmail my sister."

Their mother's expression turned thoughtful. "And what exactly are you going to do about it?"

"I believe I was in the process of proving to you that we don't have to use such underhanded methods to achieve our goals before I was so rudely interrupted by a result of  _your_  thoughtlessness," Elsa interrupted sullenly, barely able to keep her voice controlled and even. Anyone who looked at Anna with such a derogatory expression should be put to a slow and painful death, she decided, jaw clenched.

Alana laughed then, an empty noise ricocheting off plastered walls. "Your sister really is the source of all your vulnerability, Elsa. Don't think that she will not be used against you again and again, especially with that foolish attitude she so proudly carries."

At that, Elsa could sense the insecurity coming off of Anna in waves; she knew this was a tender subject for both of them. She reached for Anna's hand, returning her sister's look of surprise with a reassuring smile before turning her attention back to Alana. She was so done with this. Done with Anna having to suffer their mother's inhumanity. Done with Anna having to feel god awful about being used to threaten her.

So fed up with all of that, she played the only card in her hand that she had been reluctant to touch all these years, out of the tattered intrinsic respect she still had for their mother. "You groomed me to be able to lead a company, to be able to feed it, to be able to evolve it. But just as easily as I can do that, I can do the opposite as well. I can tear this company down, reduce it to ashes, burn it to the ground; if I unearthed all the horrendous things you've done to supply your success, I can guarantee our stock would drop  _so_  quickly and the power and wealth that you hold so dear will be so thoroughly destroyed that you'll  _regret_  even thinking about threatening Anna."

A hint of panic fell upon their mother's face, but Elsa was unable to enjoy the wave of satisfaction it brought because the bitter smile dancing across Alana's features, removing the alarm, caught her off guard. "So you've finally realized, have you, that the only way to defeat me is to become like me? Threatening me to get what you want? Does that make you any different from me?" With a darker tone, she added, "It's not going to make you any less of the failure you already are. Do you not realize, Elsa, that this company is  _your_  future?  _Your_  legacy?"

Failure. The word stung like a slap to the face. It had been almost ten years since she'd last heard that word directed at her, but it still tore through her like the bite of a rabid wolf, just as painfully crippling as when she was first labeled as such by her father.

_Failure._

_No mercy._

_Unforgivable._

_Pathetic. Pitiful._

She was so weak. One word. It was just one word. Two syllables. And it effortlessly dispelled all the anger that was coursing through her, stripped her of all the fight that she had mustered, leaving her cold and vulnerable like a cornered animal in the night, eyes stinging, cowering in fear. She willed the ground to open up and just swallow her, to cease her humiliating existence.

And her mother was right; what she was doing was exactly the same cowardly tactic her mother so shamelessly wielded: blackmail. She was threatening the company to control her mother. Was that any different from what Alana had been doing to her? What would Anna think of her? She really had become a selfish monster who stepped on others to achieve her goal.

"No." A clear voice cut through Elsa's despair. "Elsa's not like that. She's not like that. And she'll never be like that. She can lead the company, but she won't do it the way you have."

The hand gripping Elsa's tightened, and something warm chased away the cold shame and humiliation. She raised her head, and the faith and conviction she found blazing steadfast in Anna's eyes almost convinced her that what Anna had said was true.

She was so undeserving of it that it hurt.

There was an icy chuckle, and Elsa turned her attention to its source. "Just look at you two fools. Fine, I'll tell you what, Elsa, I'll give you a fair chance to prove this point of yours. Six months. You have six months of full sovereignty over Arendelle Corp's North American Branch, while I deal with the European office. At the conclusion of these six months, we'll use the company's stock market value as your evaluation. If it remains the same or increases, you'll have proven your point." Alana walked to the door. She stopped, and fixed Elsa with a chillingly arrogant smile. "If it drops, you'll be facing dire  _consequences_  for insubordination.  _Both_  of you. Do we have an accord?"

"Fine!" Anna promptly agreed, undaunted by the implications of failure.

Ariel let out a heavy breath as Alana left the room, and closed the door. "Wow, you guys had me breaking out in a cold sweat." She eyed Elsa warily; she knew from three years of rooming together that Elsa was inept in normal social interaction. "Can you really do it, Elsa? Without using underhanded tactics?"

Elsa gave them both a defeated glance and buried her face in her hands, "I don't know," she admitted.

"You can do it," Anna announced, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I  _know_  you can."

"Anna, what's to stop me from being the same as Mother? I've already unwittingly uttered a threat against her. How do you know I won't end up using blackmail and hurting innocents to get what I want?" Elsa muttered into her palms, panic increasing exponentially. Again, she couldn't fail this. If she failed, there would be unspeakable consequences for both of them. And that  _if_ was becoming more and more like a  _when_ …

Resolute hands wrapped around her wrists, and pulled her out of her pit of dread. She shut her eyes and ducked her head; she didn't want to stare into those stubborn eyes again, the ones whose innocence she would have given anything to protect, because she was suddenly afraid that they would see her differently after how she had threatened their mother. Afraid that they would be carrying disillusionment and disappointment. Afraid that they finally saw her as the  _failure_  she was just as her mother and father had.

 _Act,_  some part of her mind implored her.  _Act like you're okay._

_Pretend you can do this._

_Pretend for her._

_Don't show weakness. It's unforgivable._

"Elsa, look at me," Anna's sweet voice pleaded.

Elsa tried. She tried to find the cover of casualness that she always so cowardly hid behind. But she was so shaken, so utterly shattered by those two disgraceful syllables that she couldn't find the will to scrape her mask back together. She settled for keeping her eyes closed and head down.

"Elsa, I don't know what you're afraid of, but I  _know_  you're not going to use people. You're kind, Elsa. And I'm sorry—my god, I'm so sorry for letting you face this all by yourself for so many years. I can't believe I so ignorantly flaunted my happiness and freedom in front of you while you had to endure  _that_  all this time."

_Why are you sorry? You deserve to be happy._

She didn't realize she had muttered that aloud until she heard Anna's choked response, "No,  _you_  deserve to be happy, too. I never knew that my happiness came at the cost of yours, but I'm not going to let you face that alone ever again. And I believe that you can do this, you can lead the company, without causing anyone else pain because  _you're kind_ , Elsa."

"I'm not," she whispered. "I'm not kind. I'm selfish. I'm a coward."

"You're kinder than anyone I've ever known, Elsa. And you know how I know that? You went to tell Hans, someone you hate to the very core, that his brother was still alive. Because you know how much it hurts to think someone you love is dead. You went to relieve him of that pain, even though you hate him so much, because  _you're kind_. So yeah, I  _know_  you won't hurt innocent people, because you're too soft-hearted to even keep hurting your enemy, who definitely doesn't deserve any mercy."

She was so humbled by Anna's interpretation of her actions; she knew she didn't deserve any of it. She was shocked to find that she  _wanted_  to deserve it. She really wanted to live up to Anna's image of her. She was struck with a sudden urge—no, a  _need_ —to live up to what Anna thought of her. For once, just once in her life, she didn't want to run away. She didn't want to hide.

She wanted to change. She wanted to be someone Anna was proud of. She didn't want to fail Anna any more than she already had.

She wanted to stop running away.

Elsa was still surprised at the warmth in the eyes she lifted her head to meet, despite acknowledging Anna's unwavering faith in her.

"I believe in you," Anna said, eyes bright. "Won't you?"

She found that she really wanted to.

* * *

The ensuing week was about staying in bed, waiting for Elsa's stitched side, battered ribs and fractured leg to heal up enough so that she could get around and about without causing herself so much pain that she would pass out. Her mother had fulfilled her end of the deal; apparently the six months had started from the moment Alana had walked out the door of Elsa's hospital room.

Her room had been flooded with visitors ever since, from Gustav and Ivan bringing her all her missed paperwork to the company's lawyers discussing the lawsuit against Falk Industries to reporters inquiring about her staged death and the details of Anna's kidnapping. Each day was a blur of faces, a cacophony of voices, and a strict list of tasks to complete.

Elsa had sent Anna back to school; her younger sister had already missed three days because of the kidnapping and the subsequent hospitalization. Anna had protested, obviously, but Elsa knew that Provincial Exams were coming up along with graduation, and she would be damned if Anna missed those.

The cuts on her side were itching more than hurting now; apparently it was part of the healing process, but she was constantly fighting the urge to scratch at them. Hilariously, the bruises that were all over her body, and probably the least serious injuries that she has sustained, were the ones causing soreness when she tried to move. Over the course of the week, however, the soreness had subsided and the only ache that was left was that of her ribcage and leg. The nurses told her something about how she was lucky that she had broken her fibula and not her tibia, because the time to a full recovery would have been four months instead of four weeks.

She was glad that the week was over; she would finally be discharged today. Her lawyers had just pestered her yet again about her decision to not file charges against Falk Industries, only against Hans, and she swiftly dismissed them, adamant in her decision. Walter Falk had been innocent, and so was the comatose Henry, and she did not want to punish them for Hans' actions.

Elsa was collecting her titanium crutches and checking the room of anything she may have forgotten to pack when Ariel wheeled herself in. Anna was still at school; Elsa saw no reason for Anna to miss class just because she was being discharged. Alistair moved to gather her bags as she and Ariel exited the room.

"You sure you don't want to be wheelchair buddies with me?" Ariel teased.

"I need to get walking as soon as I can," Elsa retorted, "Besides, my injuries were not nearly as serious as yours," she added with a hint of guilt.

"We've been over this, Elsa; I don't need that face from you."

"Yes, yes," she relented, knowing better than to restart that argument with Ariel.

"You've been so busy all week; you've barely had time for me or Anna. Can we finally talk about your relationship with her now, please?" Ariel's tone was cautious; this was still a touchy topic to broach with Elsa, who still didn't really know the answer to that question.

When Elsa remained silent, the whack of her crutches against linoleum her only response, Ariel persisted, "You love her. She loves you; I really,  _really_  don't see what's holding you back. You've learned from the kidnapping ordeal that you obviously cannot decently function without her, so, seriously, Elsa, why the hesitation? And don't give me that sister crap. Your mother is temporarily out of the picture, too. So what's the problem?"

"I do need to talk to her," Elsa confessed with a sigh. She just wasn't sure what she was going to say yet. Or what she  _could_  say.

Ariel rolled her eyes. "Yes, it's taken you a month, a prom, a soccer game, a gala, and a kidnapping to finally come to this shocking conclusion."

They'd reached the car then, and spent most of the car ride in silence as Ariel's driver duly delivered them back to Arendelle Manor.

"You're not staying?" Elsa asked when Ariel made no move to exit the vehicle upon their arrival.

"I  _do_  have stuff I need to take care of, too, Elsa," Ariel replied in a mocking tone. "Anna will be home soon.  _Please_ talk to her."

They heard the sound of another car in the distance, and craned their heads to see Anna waving ecstatically at them from her chauffeur's vehicle as it sped down the road toward the manor.

Ariel's grin spread wider. "Speak of the devil. Don't you dare run away this time, Elsa." With that, she playfully shoved Elsa out of the car, and Elsa barely had enough time to prop herself up on her crutches before Ariel closed the door and instructed her driver to depart.

The driveway was just bustling today, as Ariel and her bodyguards backed out, Alistair's car drove in, followed closely by Anna's. Anna didn't even wait until the car was fully parked to swing open the door and hop out.

"Anna," Elsa began in a chastising tone, "I thought I told you to stay at school! I'm not going to spontaneously combust if you wait until three o'clock to come home."

"Ha! You're so cute; you thought I'd actually listen!" Anna stuck her tongue out, and smoothly replaced one of Elsa's crutches with herself. "—You don't need this one; I've got this side."

As heartwarming as it was to see her little sister so affectionately tucked under her shoulder, Elsa could not help but frown at the discomfort her weight was probably causing Anna.

"Stop that," Anna scolded before she could speak, "I can  _feel_  you guilting. Stop it."

"'Guilting' is not a real word," Elsa murmured in protest, but allowed her sister to support her through the front doors of the manor.

She was shocked to see The Carpet laid out for her; its gold lining glistening under the light of the crystal chandelier, and Gerda approached them, weaving through the maids lined up along its border.

"The Mistress has named you master of the house for the next six months, Ms. Elsa," Gerda explained, and the maids simultaneously curtsied as Elsa stepped before the abhorred velvet tapestry. "Welcome home."

"Gerda… it's not necessary to call me Miss Elsa," Elsa assured the older woman. "Just treat me like you did before." She refused to look at the carpet; it invoked nothing but negative emotions and loathsome memories, and she felt a strong urge to burn the damned thing. Instead, she declared, "I don't need a greeting like this. Just treat me normally. Put the carpet away."

"I always thought it was rather archaic to have a tradition like this," Anna nodded in agreement, "I am feeling very copacetic about your decision."

"When did you start using big words like that?" Elsa teased, and she would have brought her hand to flick Anna playfully on the forehead if it weren't preoccupied with holding her crutch in place.

Anna giggled, and Elsa decided that she was not able to hear that beautiful sound nearly as much as she wanted to. "Ever since my  _sister_  became the CEO of a billion-dollar corporation. I've got to start pulling my weight around here. Are you busy? Can we watch a movie?"

"When have you ever cared if I were busy?" Elsa chided, "I'm always busy. I am, after all, the CEO of a billion-dollar corporation." She said the last line with an exaggerated flair of elegance.

Anna grinned at her smugly, blue eyes glowing. "What if I said I have a box of chocolate truffles waiting for us in the theatre?"

"Well, that trumps everything, doesn't it? We absolutely have to give it top priority and consume it immediately."

So they laughed the entire way down the stairs to the theatre, and Elsa settled down onto the soft leather of the couch, waiting for Anna to choose a movie and put it on. Of all the movies they had, Anna decided on  _Mean Girls_ , and Elsa couldn't help but wonder if Anna was trying to tell her something as the gleeful redhead plopped down next to her and they began to share the chocolates.

She remembered having some sort of deep discussion with Anna when they first watched this particular movie, and they came to the conclusion that the main theme of the story was that power corrupts everything.

" _It's astounding," Anna had said, an incredulous frown on her face._

" _What is?" Elsa asked._

" _I don't know—Cady was so innocent and stuff in the beginning, but she ends up turning_ into _what she hates—it's stupid."_

_Elsa still hadn't understood. "Why is it stupid? She's trying to fit in. Isn't that what everyone wants to do?"_

" _There's nothing good about_ fitting in _if it makes you forget who you really are," Anna had asserted. "If you have to conform, you never belonged."_

" _Maybe she felt that there was nothing valuable in who she really is," Elsa had muttered in reply. She was glad that Anna hadn't heard her._

Now that they were watching it again, Elsa couldn't stop herself from drawing parallels between her own life and the main protagonist's. The girl who turned into the same hated monster that she wanted to defeat in the process of trying to defeat it. She couldn't help but wonder if she would end up just as blinded as her mother and become indiscriminate in destroying the lives of others just to maintain her power.

"Your pensive gaze is about to burn a hole in the TV," Anna interrupted her thoughts by shoving a truffle at her. "You better start eating these, because there will be none left if you dawdle."

Elsa paused to savour the delectable flavour of chocolate spreading across her tongue. "You remember that talk we had when we first watched this movie?"

Yeah," Anna murmured, stuffing herself with another truffle. Elsa watched as look of comprehension set in on her sister's face. "You think—you're still worried about turning into Mom?"

"Why not? This movie illustrates just how easily it could happen," Elsa sighed as Anna waved another handful of chocolate at her. "Cady Heron was a kind, sweet girl in the beginning, and look how she turned out!—And Anna! You're eating like a pig! Slow down!"

Anna made an indignant noise, her mouth full of chocolate. "Excuuuuse you! I do  _not_  eat like a pig! And also! Cady Heron didn't have an awesome, super attractive, redhead sister who would not hesitate to smack some sense back into her," Anna grinned, and popped another truffle in her mouth. With a more serious look, she added, "You need to give yourself some credit, Elsa. Her transformation was subtle, yes—probably unintended, too—but the point of the movie isn't how she inadvertently turns  _into_  a monster, but how she fixes it once she realizes that she has. There's always a choice, Elsa. And in the end, she chose to be who she really was, not who she was forced to be—oh god, that sounds so cliché; I'm sorry—I wasn't thinking again, heh."

When did Anna become so philosophical?

 _There's always a choice._  For some reason, those particular words resonated the most with Elsa. Was there always a choice? She was raised to think that she never had a choice; she had to be the heir; she had to be alone; she had to be perfect; she could not afford mistakes. She didn't choose this life. She didn't choose this family. Was she still allowed to choose who she was?

Her mother obviously didn't think so. Alana wanted her to be controlling, merciless, cold, with only the goal of more power in view.

But she had decided to change, didn't she? She didn't choose to be a coward. Or maybe she did. But now, she wanted to choose not to be. She wanted to stop running away from failure. She wanted to stop herself from shaking with fear every time she thought about her father. She didn't want to be weak anymore.

"… Oops," Anna's sheepish mutter broke Elsa's cloud of thought. She looked down curiously, and saw that there was only one truffle left. She briefly wondered how Anna had managed to devour a whole box of truffles in the span of about five minutes.

"Should we settle this like we used to?" Elsa teased, holding out a fist.

Anna smiled bashfully back at her, seemingly embarrassed by her uncontrollable consumption of the chocolates, and held out her fist.

"Rock," Elsa began.

"Paper—HEY!"

Elsa had swiftly swept up the last piece of chocolate and popped it into her mouth, smirking playfully at Anna.

Anna gasped, indignity seeping into an impish scowl, "You did  _not_!"

Elsa's smirk grew wider at Anna's disbelief, turning into a smug smile.

Anna glared good-naturedly at her, "I am going to wipe that smile off your face."

Elsa suddenly regretted provoking Anna when she caught the predatory hunger that flashed in Anna's eyes as the younger girl leaned closer to her and pushed her against the leather arm of the couch.

Her heart broke into a sprint in her chest. "Anna, n—"

Anna silenced her with a hard kiss, one hand on her jaw to tug open her mouth, tongue sweeping inside aggressively to retrieve what was left of the stolen chocolate, the gesture effortlessly wiping away all of her coherent thought.

Her heartbeat was so loud in her ears that it drowned out the movie in the background and all she could focus on was the feeling of Anna's lips on hers, the taste of chocolate between them, and a burning desire for  _more_.

Her hands found their way to Anna's hips, and she unwittingly dragged the younger girl closer so that she was almost straddling her lap. Elsa couldn't stop herself from moaning into the kiss and felt Anna's lips spread into a smile in response, tongue teasingly flicking at a bit of chocolate at the corner of Elsa's mouth before pulling away.

"Now we can say we shared the last one," Anna smirked at her, a slight pink tinge on her cheeks.

Elsa wanted to growl at the loss of contact, but logic crept back into her mind and, realizing where her hands were, she released her hold on Anna's hips, a single thought forcing her back into the harshness of reality.

_You've failed as a sister, too._

She tried to push that thought away.

She ignored the brief disappointment that flickered across Anna's face at her lack of initiative to extend the moment, and focused on the empty box of chocolates instead. "We could've shared all the other ones too, if you hadn't stuffed them down so fast," she joked, trying to redirect her train of thought. She didn't actually mean that they could have, but she couldn't think of anything else to say that wouldn't reveal her current state of mind.

Anna's eyes widened and her blush spread to her ears; obviously she had not been expecting that. She bit her lip, and Elsa could almost see her mentally berating herself for polishing off the chocolates so quickly. The effect was so satisfying that it temporarily dispelled the negative voice in her head, and Elsa couldn't stop another smirk from spreading across her face.

"So you want more," Anna countered cheekily, and it was Elsa's turn to redden.

"Five is enough for now," Elsa retorted.

"Five? You don't count the accidental one at the hospital as an actual kiss, do you?" So, they were both keeping count.

Oh, it was time to tell her. Elsa wouldn't miss this delicious opportunity to tease Anna. "You actually gave me quite a  _passionate_  kiss that night almost three years ago when I dragged you back from that party."

Anna inhaled sharply in surprise, and her jaw unhinged. "Wha—you—I—what—how—gah—!"

Elsa brought a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter; Anna's stunned stuttering at the revelation was much more satisfying than she could have imagined. She was laughing so hard that it almost brought tears to her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she was so amused.

Anna's face had turned so red that Elsa was afraid she would soon spontaneously burst into flames, and the redhead was still having trouble forming intelligible words. Elsa managed to suppress the rest of her mirth into a wide smile, and she almost felt sorry for poking fun at Anna like that. "Sorry; there was probably a better way to break the news that you threw your first kiss at me." She had meant to remedy the situation, but her words seemed to have the opposite effect; Anna was looking so embarrassed that she could pass for a ripe tomato.

Deciding to spare her sister, Elsa took a deep breath to clear away the rest of her giggles and caressed the top of her sister's head, the way she always did when the girl needed comfort. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she whispered, still unable to wipe her smile off her face.

Anna ducked her head, and she probably would have covered her face with her hands if Elsa hadn't been holding one of them the entire time. "Just when I thought I couldn't be more embarrassing," Anna replied quietly. "Never,  _ever_ , give me alcohol in your presence again."

Elsa laughed, "Don't worry, I made a mental note about that a  _long_  time ago. You're not embarrassing," she added. "You're so adorable. I wish I deserved you."

"Okay, can I make something perfectly clear?" Anna fixed her with a steady stare, smile fading.

Elsa blinked.

"You're  _not_  allowed to say that again unless you tell me exactly what you mean."

"Okay," Elsa nodded.

"Okay… you're going to tell me?"

"Okay, I won't say it again."

Anna sighed. "I really wish you'd just talk to me. It's like something is eating you up inside and I wish you'd let me help."

Elsa was saved from having to answer by the sound of Anna's phone vibrating on the coffee table. Anna shot her phone a murderous glare, and Elsa reached over to check the caller ID. "It's Rapunzel. You should answer."

Anna frowned impatiently at her phone and looked tempted to reject the call but reconsidered. "What!" she yelled into the speaker.

Elsa eyed the baby Scar charm still dangling from the corner of Anna's cell and smiled to herself, reaching into her pocket to trace the outline of the baby Mufasa charm that still accompanied her own phone.

"—Can't I do that tomorrow? Uggggghhhhh… okay, okay, I get it." She hung up.

Elsa looked at her, curious. "So what's up?"

"They moved our grad gown fitting session to today," Anna groaned. "I have to go back to school. I mean, I'd rather blow it off and stay here, but…"

"… But even you can't afford to risk tripping over your grad gown when you walk across the stage to receive your diploma because you didn't bother to try it on," Elsa finished.

"Yeeeeah…" Anna sighed again. "That'd be pretty embarrassing, even for me."

"Well, get going, then."

Anna pouted at her, "I'll be back as soon as I can!"

"Rapunzel wouldn't even have needed to call you if you'd just stayed at school like I told you," Elsa reminded her, exasperated.

Anna gave her a harrumph, and moved to exit the room. "I'd have missed an opportunity for an amazing kiss if I'd stayed at school, though!" And her subsequent laughter at Elsa's response echoed down the hall as she ran off.

Warmth of the moment dissipated, Elsa pulled her legs onto the couch and hugged them to her chest, resting her head on her knees.

_You don't deserve her._

_You're a failure._

_Failure as a sister, failure as a child, failure as an heir._

"Stop it!" She yelled at no one.

_You're a coward, too._

"I'm not," she whispered desperately. "I'm not a coward."

_Then stop running away._

* * *

" _What did you mean, my father made mistakes too?" Elsa had asked Alistair sometime during her week at the hospital, when she finally had a moment to herself._

" _You'll find the answer in your father's study," he told her._

She wasn't going to be a coward anymore, she told herself, as she approached the dimly lit hallway that led to her father's study.

The study. The emotionless, soundproof room that she'd had her sessions with him in. Embedded in the darkest corner of the house, she used to think. Its location in the dark corridor of the basement was most befitting of its purpose.

She had avoided this place for ten years. Ten years, she had been running away from the memories, the lessons, and the unanswered pleas that lay scattered and abandoned on the cold wooden floor of her father's study. When there was no reason to enter this place again, she had avoided it, fled from it. She had tried to forget it, but there could be no forgetting when evidence of its existence stretched on in the ugly imperfections across her back.

She didn't know how long she stood there, staring at the blackness before her, but she pushed herself to take a step, and then another, toward the end of the hallway.

Her heart thumped painfully in her chest as the sound of her crutches hitting the polished stone floor echoed off the shadowy walls, rhythm speeding up as the distance between her and the room shrank.

The polished golden handle of the door guarding the secrets of the room flickered, reflecting the meager light of the lamps on the walls, blinking as if it were daring her to come closer.

Insides twisting with apprehension, heart hammering in her chest, she lifted one hand from a crutch. It hovered over the handle, frozen, as if there was an electric current running through the gold, ready to shock her the moment she touched it.

_Open it._

Her fingers were trembling. Her breath coming in gasps. Suddenly, the air was stifling, suffocating, and a harrowing pressure was building in her chest.

Ten years.

Ten years, and she was still reacting as if her father were waiting for her inside. As if she were still preparing to be struck by the cold steel of his belt. As if she would still be punished for all her mistakes.

_Move._

_Move._

And then the voice in her head wasn't hers anymore, but his.

_You coward._

_You're a disgrace._

_You're a failure._

_You understand why this is happening, don't you?_

"Stop," she whimpered, her other hand clutching her stomach, insides contorting with panic.

_You know you deserve this. You know what you've done to deserve this._

_You're not perfect._

_You've made so many mistakes._

_You deserve the pain. The loneliness._

She squeezed her eyes shut, as if it would block out the voices.

_What made you think you could deserve Anna?_

She was shaking, and she couldn't stop. Just like ten years ago.

_What made you think you're worthy of forgiveness?_

"Stop it," she begged, voice small and weak in the vast emptiness of the dark hallway.

_What made you think you could change, that you could stop being a failure?_

Tears fell onto the cold stone.

_When will you stop being a fool?_

_What made you think you had a_ choice _?_

 _You think you can_ escape _this?_

Ten years, and she still couldn't free herself of his haunting lessons, his merciless voice.

_You failure._

_You're pathetic._

_You're nothing._

Her stomach convulsed, and she let out a choked cry before clutching a hand to her mouth. She dropped her crutches and raced to the nearest washroom, emptying the bile that rose in her throat into the toilet, ignoring the aching pain in her leg.

_So this is what failure tastes like._

She hauled herself up to clutch the border of the sink, and turned on the water, desperate to wash the taste of failure and cowardice from her mouth, sobs escaping from her trembling lips, averting her eyes so as not to look in the mirror, deathly afraid of what abomination would be staring back at her, judging her.

_Disgusting._

_You are disgusting._

"Stop it!" She implored, hands trembling so hard that she couldn't hold herself against the marble counter anymore, and she sank to the ground, breaking down in a pool of self-hatred.

"—Elsa!"

_No. Oh, god, no, please._

Why did Anna always have such impeccable timing?

_Don't let her see me like this._

_Move._

_Get up, failure._

But she couldn't stop the sobbing any more than she could stop the trembling or the voices. She couldn't control herself.

"Elsa! Oh, my god, Elsa, what the hell is going on?" Anna hurriedly got to her knees beside her, grabbing her shoulders, trying to look her in the eye. "Are you okay?"

_Stop being so humiliating._

_You're so weak._

_Don't let her see your weakness. Your disgraceful vulnerability._

But she couldn't, she couldn't put those walls up, she couldn't collect herself, she couldn't pretend to be okay, she couldn't act like she was fine, she couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't.

She couldn't stop crying. She couldn't stop trembling. And it was just adding to her pit of failure, her pit of weakness, her pit of self-loathing. And she couldn't stop it.

"No," she confessed through tears, for the first time in her life, "I'm not okay."


	29. Bridging the Gap

Anna knew something was wrong from the moment she stepped out of the car; the ominous gray clouds towering above the stone trusses of the manor cast an unfamiliar sense of forebode that gnawed at the pit of her gut.

She wondered what could have been causing it. The fitting had been uneventful; if she'd known she would have fit perfectly in her royal blue gown she wouldn't even have bothered show up. And she had to patiently sit through several people trying on theirs before it was even her turn. She would have much preferred staying home and continuing her attempts to coax whatever problem Elsa was hiding out into the open.

She knew Elsa didn't want to tell her. That much was obvious. It was  _painfully_  obvious in the way Elsa always avoided her gaze, as if looking into her eyes for too long would cause this supposedly terrible secret to come spilling out. It was plainly written in the way Elsa stubbornly clenched her jaw whenever Anna brought it up. As if it were screaming to get out, but Elsa was too… afraid? conflicted? to let it slip from her lips.

It was so frustrating. Like they were going in circles. And it always ended up in her succeeding in pushing Elsa further away, jaws clamping tighter around the problem.

At least the air between them had become lighter since the kidnapping incident. If there was anything good that came out of it, it was that Anna now knew that Elsa hadn't slapped her because she wanted to. And that Elsa still loved her. Admittedly, Anna still didn't know exactly what to call their relationship. Or what Elsa thought they were. They had yet to have a coherent conversation regarding that particular issue. Elsa didn't seem keen to go anywhere near it and Anna was reluctant to bring it up, lest Elsa reject her once again.

It was worrisome, to say the least. Anna still wasn't sure how much of Elsa's feelings for her were romantic and how much were platonic. If those romantic feelings were present at all. Yes, Elsa had scaled a mountain to sacrifice herself for Anna but Elsa would have done the same regardless of any inappropriate romantic attraction, would she not? At least Anna knew she herself would have done the same for Elsa, even if she weren't in love with Elsa.

She realized then that she knew nothing about Elsa at all. She didn't know anything about what Elsa had been through. Even though Elsa's favourite colour, her favourite flavour of chocolate, those things were engraved in Anna's memory, she didn't know the first thing about  _Elsa_. What nightmares haunted Elsa at night? What would Elsa have chosen to pursue if she weren't burdened with the duty of inheritance? What did Elsa think about before falling asleep every night?

What did  _Elsa_  want?

It was still aching, that hole in her chest born from the words Elsa had expressionlessly carved into her more than a week ago.

_I don't love you. Not like that._

She wasn't sure how false that was, even now. If it were false at all. Ariel seemed to be strong in her conviction that Elsa was definitely in love with her, but between the events of the gala to the chocolate-driven kiss they had shared earlier today, Anna could still not decipher exactly what it was that Elsa felt for her. At least Elsa seemed to have gotten over her aversion to Anna's touch that was present during and after the soccer game.

It was so confusing. Elsa never initiated any contact that would indicate the presence of romantic feelings—save for that one time before the gala—and even before all this, when Anna had chased her from the hospital, Elsa never directly said the words ' _I love you_ ', in any kind of romantic sense. Yes, she admitted that she had been in love with Anna for three years, but Anna considered that confession annulled; Elsa had announced shortly after that she had been mistaken, a statement which, in all honesty, still throbbed like a thorn in Anna's heart.

Maybe that was why she was feeling so nervous upon her return to Arendelle Manor. Elsa seemed to be more than tolerant of Anna's acts of affection; the lack of objection during their kiss earlier was more than sufficient evidence of that, but Anna had drawn away sooner than she wanted to because she hadn't wanted to give Elsa another chance to push her away. She wasn't sure if she could survive yet another rejection, and it was the only way to salvage the situation after she had so impulsively acted on her indignation that Elsa had stolen the last piece of chocolate with such an arrogant grin at the small victory.

Elsa had seemed to be fine with it, though; hell, Elsa had moaned into her mouth and the mere recollection of it almost drove her wild with desire again. It had taken every last shred of Anna's self-control to pull away. The excitement and delight following the kiss had been fleeting, however, almost immediately expelled by the painful expression of regret that Elsa had made in response. And for a moment, Anna saw a flicker of conflict before Elsa interrupted her thoughts with an unexpectedly teasing comment.

But Elsa had pulled her closer. Didn't that mean Elsa wanted it?

Then why did Elsa look so ashamed afterward? Why didn't Elsa kiss her back?

Ugh, Anna was so confused.

In retrospect, maybe Elsa had deliberately offered a lighthearted remark to distract herself from whatever less-than-pleasant thoughts that were plaguing her as a result of the kiss. The notion of that struck Anna with a heavy guilt; once again, she could cause nothing but extra baggage for Elsa.

A certain conclusion was eating at her now, upon reflection of all the events of the past week. What if Elsa really didn't love her in that way, but loved her too much to continue denying her? What if being in love with Elsa was just making things worse? Elsa had always been the infuriatingly responsible one, the one who ensured that whatever they did wasn't unacceptable, that whatever they did was safe. Elsa was probably still trying to do the  _right_  thing, the morally acceptable, the socially acceptable thing.

She refused to let herself dwell on that, though. Thinking too much was never something that she liked doing (that had always been Elsa's territory). There was a reason she preferred leaping before looking, the same reason she let herself run on her emotions instead of first considering the consequences.

The same reason she firmly believed that Elsa had been chosen to be the heir because she was older, and there was nothing more to it. Because if she let logic take over, if she'd analyzed it, she would come to the conclusion that their father had spent more time with Elsa, chosen Elsa as heir, because Elsa had shown herself to be more  _competent_ , even at a young age. And Anna, from the moment she was born, had been nothing but an unneeded, unwanted addition. Superfluous. Useless.

But Elsa had never looked at her like that, never treated her as if she were unwanted. Elsa had never regarded her with denouncing eyes, only ever giving her undeserved respect and protection; Elsa was the reason she could smile so brightly and feel any kind of contentedness with herself. Even if she'd spent a large portion of her childhood separated from Elsa, Elsa's presence alone, supplemented by joyful winter breaks few and far between, had been enough to assure her that at least one person in this world acknowledged her existence as something worth loving.

Had she screwed that up between them as well, now? Anna sighed as she pushed open the front doors of the manor, trying to direct her train of thought to happier places, working up a smile on her face as she thought about how beautifully charming the colour pink looked on Elsa's cheeks, heart rate quickening as she conjured the image of Elsa's adorably embarrassed expression before she had left for her gown fitting.

The same kind Elsa who was worried that she would eventually resort to using the same underhanded tactics as their mother. The notion was so appalling to Anna; there was absolutely no way in hell that Elsa would ever do something with similar intentions. To deliberately hurt. To purposefully cause someone to suffer. For  _wealth_  and  _power_.

The same kind Elsa who so wrongfully believed that she didn't deserve Anna. Anna still had no idea what was meant by the statement, and it infuriated her every time Elsa so casually said it. Like it was a fact, and not a belief. When it was so far from the truth. Of course Elsa deserved her. Elsa deserved everything Anna could give her. That, and more. Anna couldn't even begin to comprehend why Elsa would be entertaining such a misguided perception.

But what if Elsa didn't  _want_  what Anna wanted to give her?

Anna refused to let that thought fester.

"Elsa?" Anna knocked on Elsa's door before turning the handle and peeking inside. No Elsa. Strange, Elsa usually spent all her time in her room. She did have her own study in the house, but she always preferred working inside her room. Elsa did never like stepping out of her comfort zone, figuratively or physically. She couldn't still be in the theatre, could she?

Anna went there next, but found the large room dark and empty. She searched the kitchen and the library, the apprehension in her stomach intensifying, as both places wound up Elsa-less. Once again, Anna cursed this house for being so large and empty. Never once had she been thankful that they lived so extravagantly far from the city, and the distance between one end of the house to the other was so inexplicably vast that she doubted Elsa, wherever she was, would hear her even if she shouted.

Anna managed to locate Gerda in the laundry room, and after clarifying that, no, she wasn't here to pour vinegar into the water, immediately went about interrogating the older woman on Elsa's whereabouts.

"Elsa?" Gerda replied, furrowing her grey brows in contemplation. "I think I saw her going downstairs, from the east wing." When Anna gave her a look of pure confusion, Gerda added, "Where your father's study is."

Oh. Well, that about raised as many questions as it answered. Anna hadn't been down there in a long while; the last time she was anywhere near there had been over ten years ago, before their father's death. What on earth was Elsa doing down there? Anna was pretty sure Elsa hadn't approached it ever since their father's death.

She heard a strangled cry when she approached the stairs, and the raw fear that was present in the voice—Elsa's?—spurred her to quickly descend, skipping steps, until she was at the corridor that lead to their father's study. This portion of the house was underground; no sunlight ever shone on the dark marble flooring and she had wondered more than once what could possibly have come over her father that he would choose a place like this to house his study.

"Elsa?" She called.

Something metallic reflected the dim light of the lamps lining the dull grey stone walls, and she made out the form of titanium crutches laying abandoned in front of the door to the study. Alarmed, she drew closer, seriously concerned about what the heck Elsa was doing, without her crutches, in such a place.

The sound of running water drew her to the closest washroom; as she neared, she heard another choked sound, another embodiment of fear and torment, the sheer desperation marring Elsa's beautiful voice permeating the stagnant air.

"Stop it!"

Was someone hurting Elsa? Panic coursing through her veins, Anna bolted to the source of the disturbance without a second thought. "Elsa!"

To say that she was shocked to find her sister shaking with stifled sobs on the stone-cold floor of the washroom would be an understatement. The feeling was something like simultaneously being hit in the head and in the gut with a soccer ball, leaving her disorientated and winded, and she stood there, trying to make sense of the situation while also grasping for some sort of control over her breathing and mental function.

"Elsa! Oh, my god, what the hell is going on?"

There was blood caking Elsa's fingernails, Anna noted as she got to her knees beside her sister. When she was close enough, she noticed small tears in the shape of crescent moons edged into Elsa's palms. Had Elsa clenched her fists so hard that her nails broke the skin? Her wounded leg was also twisted in an odd position beneath her, her entire body trembling. Elsa had never looked so… vulnerable before, ever. The stark contrast between her usual elegance and her current state… Anna could not put into words how unsettlingly disparate it was. Elsa should never look so frightened, so small. Afraid and Elsa didn't even belong in the same sentence.

How she looked right now… the sheer wrongness of it clawed at Anna's throat, and she fought the urge to cry as her mind conjured the only comparison that accurately illustrated the current sight of Elsa.

Like a broken angel. Fallen from heaven.

There was that awful feeling again. The same goddamn feeling she was crushed by back in the abandoned ski lodge when she was watching, screaming and helpless, as Hans kicked Elsa to the ground. As Hans tortured the person she loved the most. As she watched Elsa bleed on the floor. Except this time it was worse, because she couldn't put a name to the assailant, she couldn't do a thing to stop whatever was hurting Elsa. She was watching Elsa being torn to shreds on the inside, and she couldn't do a damn thing to help.

Did she do this to her? Did Anna do this to Elsa? It had been painfully evident that Elsa was hiding something that obviously concerned Anna. A problem. Had Anna exacerbated the situation with the kiss earlier? Did she push Elsa over the edge?

Did Elsa really not want her?

That was all she could think about as she gripped her sister's trembling shoulders. Elsa's eyes were fixated on the floor. Was she deliberately avoiding Anna's gaze? That only served to fuel the abhorrent conclusion that was forming in Anna's mind.

"Are you okay?" The answer was obvious, yet she could not do a thing to impede the witless words from spilling forth. Elsa was not okay. And if Elsa tried to insist that she was okay, there was no telling what Anna was going to d—

Elsa's reply was suffocated, as if it had to battle an army of restraint before it surfaced. "No." And the mere admission of it shocked them both. Like neither of them expected it. "I'm not okay."

Anna had been waiting for this moment forever. She had thought that for once, when Elsa finally acknowledged needing comfort, she could be Elsa's hero, her savior, just as Elsa had been for her.

A month ago she wouldn't have even blinked before immediately holding Elsa in her arms and doing whatever else she could to provide comfort. Even two weeks ago, she would definitely not have hesitated at all. But now, certain unwanted thoughts were stopping her, heavy as steel walls, cutting them apart from each other.

_Did I do this to you? Are you that disgusted with me?_

Elsa was hurting so much that she couldn't even hide it anymore. In the past, she would have held it in, pretended that she was fine, all for Anna's benefit. She seemed to be in so much mental anguish that she wasn't capable of doing even that now.

_Is me loving you so painful for you?_

Elsa always blamed herself for everything. Anna never realized that Elsa might be blaming herself for the state of their current relationship. For some unfathomable reason, Elsa always made everything out to be her own fault.

Was Anna's best option right now to leave? If she was causing all this suffering for Elsa, would it be better if she left?

This was precisely why she hated thinking.

She opened her mouth, but everything that she wanted to say, wanted to ask, wanted to tell, all of them tried to escape at once and she found herself almost choking instead. Elsa still wasn't looking at her. Just as well, because all Elsa would have seen was a bumbling fool who couldn't even form sentences around the lump in her throat.

But she couldn't leave, could she? Not with Elsa so broken right in front of her. Even though the logical part of her mind was bombarding her with self-blame, telling her that she was the cause, she couldn't bring herself to go. She just couldn't. She worked on swallowing all her doubt and pulled her still-trembling sister into an awkward embrace.

"Let me go, Anna." Elsa's voice was uneven, filled with a sense of defeat that made Anna want to—want to what? Want to ruthlessly destroy whatever or whomever was causing Elsa such distress. Except it was herself.

Anna could feel the shaky words resounding against her shoulder and only responded by tightening her hold, pushing away the small voice in her head that was telling her this was her fault,  _her fault_.

One of Elsa's trembling hands, caught between them, was weakly shoving at Anna. "Let me go." And even though the command had no conviction to it, no force, no impetus, the weight of the feelings it elicited in response could be likened to that of a battering ram. Elsa didn't want her here. Elsa didn't want her. "Leave me alone, Anna."

_Go away, Anna._

Despite that, she held on. "No." She had no idea why; it made absolutely no logical sense. If she was the cause, she should leave, but she was being propelled by a most irrational sensation. An instinct. As if Elsa would shatter into a million pieces if she were to let go now. She knew it made no sense.

But it was what her heart was telling her to do and her voice was resolute when she asserted, "No one wants to be alone." No matter how much it hurt when Elsa tried to push her away, she would endure it. Just like Elsa had endured all those years before.

Elsa shuddered as she drew in a shaky breath and shoved again, once, twice, each push echoed painfully as Anna held on, but she didn't waver in her resolve, one hand winding tighter around Elsa's shoulders and the other circling her waist. She knew Elsa's next words before the older girl even uttered them. "You don't deserve to be alone, Elsa."

Elsa was cold, so cold, Anna noticed, as she finally surrendered herself to Anna's embrace. "I don't want you to see me like this," Elsa whispered against Anna's shoulder, still quivering slightly as she inhaled again.

Three words were at the tip of Anna's tongue, and she knew that if she blurted them she would be setting herself up for rejection once again. But she didn't see any other way to convince Elsa that it was okay. To convince Elsa that it's okay to show weakness. And she still had no idea how the older girl felt about her, but if Elsa wasn't going to be clear about her feelings, mirroring her mindset was going to get them nowhere.

If Elsa didn't love her like that, so be it. So be it. As much as it would hurt, like being repeatedly drowned in water cold as ice, she would face it. She pulled back, and held Elsa's wide eyes with clear ones of her own. "It's okay, Elsa. You don't have to be strong in front of me all the time. It's not going to make me think any less of you. And you know why? Because I love you. I love  _all_  of you. I love you even when you're embarrassed, when you're angry, and when you're scared. Even when you steal the last piece of chocolate," Anna smiled tentatively, "I love the parts of you that you hate, that you hide, that you fear, the parts of you that you don't want anyone to see. I love them all. And I want to know you. I want to see you. I want to see the you that you try so hard to keep from me, that you're afraid to show, because I'll love you all the same _._  I've loved you all my life, Elsa, and nothing you do will ever make me stop loving you."

There were tears glistening in Elsa's eyes. What was she thinking right now? She looked so lost, her gaze was searching, as if she were trying to find herself in Anna's eyes.

Elsa opened her mouth to speak, and Anna braced herself for rejection.

* * *

She wanted to run. Some part of Elsa wanted to cover her ears and not listen. But her body wouldn't obey her.

She wanted to  _hear_  it.

She stopped resisting.

Her heart hung on Anna's every word, as if it had been fighting an endless war, and those words immediately eviscerated all the demons inside her. The warmth she found in Anna's eyes erased all the heavy battle scars she bore and flooded her with serenity, the feeling much like ice on a burn.

Anna loved her. After all that Elsa had put her through, Anna still loved her. For the first time, she let it sink in. She let it envelope her with an unfamiliar comfort and the relief of the feeling had tears pricking the back of her eyes.

 _This girl_. Her sister. Her best friend. Her hero.

She was at a loss for words.

She had never loved Anna as much as she did right now. Her heart was fluttering against her chest, like a bird in a cage and it washed away all the terrorizing voices, her own and her father's, evaporated her self-doubt, leaving her with a euphoria so strong that she felt like she could do anything.

It was worth it, it was all worth it. The pressure, the beatings, the bullying, the blackmail. So, so worth it.

She gave a start when she saw that Anna was still waiting for her to speak, sincerity and uncertainty plain in her gaze. Elsa looked away, rubbing her tears away with the heels of her palms and searched for the right words.

_I love you, too._

_God, I love you so much._

_You're so beautiful, inside and out._

_How is it that you always know how to make me so happy?_

The words were a jumble in her mind, and she was struggling to choose what to say. She was taking too long to respond; she could already see disappointment forming in Anna's eyes. Panicking at the long, unintended silence that was probably coming off as indifference, she grabbed Anna's hand and blurted whatever thought that was currently passing through her elated brain. "Thank you."

 _Dammit!_ She mentally cursed herself; that wasn't what she meant to say at all. Gratitude was one thing she was experiencing, but the portion it made up was so insignificant amongst her present jumble of emotions that she briefly decided that whatever part of her brain was dictating what to say obviously didn't deserve the oxygen it was receiving. Why couldn't she have said something more eloquent, fancier, something that more accurately reflected what she was feeling? Why was it so hard to communicate properly all of a sudden? Why was it that every time Anna was involved she would end up saying something she didn't mean or just being completely inept in clearly conveying her thoughts?

She willed herself to speak again, but Anna beat her to it, despite being slightly disillusioned by her thoughtless response. Her voice was concerned, "You should probably get up, now; the way you're sitting  _can't_  be good for your leg."

Anna was right; there was an uncomfortable jabbing in her leg that sprang to the forefront of her mind the moment she focused on it. She gripped the counter in an effort to pull herself to her feet, and Anna stood immediately to help her.

"I'll go get your crutches," Anna offered after she was up, and turned to complete said task.

Elsa watched her sister's lonely silhouette disappear into the dark hallway before twisting on the faucet and rinsing her hands of the blood on her palms and fingernails. She stared into the mirror, giving herself an impatient glare.  _Fix this! She just confessed to you again! Fix this! Before she thinks you don't feel the same way!_

 _But we're_ sisters _._

 _Don't give me that sister crap,_  Ariel's voice growled in her head.  _She needs you._

Now she was driving even herself insane with her indecisiveness.

She didn't deserve to be happy. She knew that. But if Anna's happiness was so inexplicably intertwined with hers, what was she to do?  _Anna_ deserved happiness. And Elsa wanted to give it to her so much.

Anna deserved to know about their father. At the same time, though, Anna didn't deserve the burdens that came with the truth about him. Ignorance was bliss. But she couldn't protect Anna forever. If they were going to be together, she would eventually find out. Anna was going to have to grow up one day. Elsa realized that shielding Anna from all the ugliness of the world wasn't the best way to protect her.

Anna returned then, titanium crutches in hand. She looked at Elsa, shifting her weight uneasily from one foot to another. "Will you…" she began hesitantly, "will you tell me why you were down here?"

God, were they at the point where Anna was reluctant to even ask questions? Well, that was obviously Elsa's fault, since her inability to answer Anna's questions of late came off as unwilling. And Anna, sweet Anna, always respected her and gave her space; Elsa knew how hard that was for Anna especially. Anna could never sit still when secrets were being kept from her.

Elsa nodded, and Anna's surprise at her agreement blasted her with even more guilt. Had she said no to similar inquiries so often that Anna didn't even hope for or consider acquiescence anymore?

She hobbled out into the hallway, her sister following close behind and turned to face the door of the study that was further down the corridor. How could she even begin to explain? "I came here to visit Father's study." She shot a glance at Anna, who was looking back at her with confusion. Worried, but confused. "But I couldn't… I couldn't find the courage to open the door." She could see that Anna was looking even more confused at this confession, a question on her lips: Anna knew that Elsa had been to this study countless times; why would Elsa be afraid to enter? "Will you…" it was Elsa's turn to hesitate, "will you come in with me?" She knew she had no right to request this, without even extrapolating her reasons or giving Anna any context to her actions whatsoever.

Anna was bewildered as ever, but nodded her assent as they neared the door. "Of course," she replied with certainty, evidently still baffled as to why Elsa was afraid to enter alone. "You'll… tell me why?" She said it hopefully, as if it were a lifelong dream about to come true.

"Yes," Elsa sighed, and took a deep breath as her hand hovered above the shiny gold handle again, threatening to tremble as she brushed the cool metal with the tips of her fingers.

Anna seemed to notice her hesitation, and it didn't take a genius to combine it with her most recent confession. A warm hand covered Elsa's, in stark contrast to the cold of the metal, tanned fingers reinforcing the pale ones wrapped around the handle.

Anna turned her head to give Elsa a reassuring smile, and together they opened the door.


	30. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Mentions of abuse

The first thing that hit Elsa, really hit her, was the smell, as she and Anna took one step into her mausoleum of mangled memories. The sickeningly nostalgic mix of wood and metal, with a new undertone of dust. The sensations it subjected her to were reminiscent of a cross between a slap to the face and a kick in the gut, which was bitterly laughable, because it was something as intangible and invisible as a  _smell_. Or maybe she was so used to experiencing it associated with the metallic tang of blood and the dark musk of leather that it invoked such an unpleasant response in her with unacceptable ease.

The entire room was saturated with the stench of failure, coupled with years of abandoned hope and unfulfilled aspiration. How many times had she entered here, fervently yearning for her father's approval and satisfaction? How many times had she entered here, daring to hope that she would be greeted with a smile and a hug instead of a scowl and a whip? How many times had she entered here, only to have those fantasies violently crushed and replaced with cruel nightmares, until she herself became the one to dejectedly stomp them out when they inescapably surfaced again?

That was the worst part. Each time was fresh disappointment and defeat as she failed her father's expectations again and again. Because she couldn't stop hoping that one day she would have answered his summons and been rewarded with an affectionate smile, a pat on the head, a kiss on the cheek, that one day she would have actually satisfied his requirements of her.

Here. This was where all her dreams died. This was where she buried her naïve, trusting, ignorant self. Where all her hopes and aspirations were viciously slaughtered over and over for four long years. Where she had bidden a long farewell to any trace of paternal love.

Beside her, Anna shifted to flick on the light, waking the rustic fluorescent pendant lamps scattered across the flat mahogany of the ceiling, illuminating the study with a lackluster yellow. The creaky dust-laden bookshelves stood tall and looming against the apathetic grey walls just as Elsa remembered them, the vermilion of their frames complimenting the burgundy of the ceiling under the melancholy glow of the light to taint the dull marble floor with a poisonous crimson. She remembered speculating darkly that her father chose stone instead of wood as the flooring because blood wouldn't leave a stain on it.

Her eyes fell on the rigid form of her father's writing desk near the back of the room, and immediately her breathing quickened as her mind was assaulted by the recollection of the first time she was disciplined here. She suddenly wanted very much to throw up again, stomach once again twisting into painful knots.

She was six. Her four-year-old sister had decided she wanted to try her hand at tree climbing, and as usual, Elsa had failed to dissuade her from her adamant decision. Anna had always had a one-track mind. Of course, one lapse of coordination sent the rambunctious redhead tumbling to the ground. She hadn't fallen from a significant height, so she had ended up sustaining just a bruise on one knee and a scrape on the other. They weren't serious injuries, but nevertheless Elsa had fretted over them; she was Anna's big sister, after all. At the time, though, she hadn't thought they were her fault any more than she thought it was Anna's, for climbing, or the tree's, for existing.

She was proven wrong upon their return through the embellished front doors of the manor that they were expected to call home. She still remembered the anger in her father's voice, with a hint of something akin to horror.

_Elsa, what have you done?_

It was just an accident.

 _No, Elsa, this was your fault,_ he had told her.  _You should have known better._

She doubted Anna even remembered the incident; she had been so young. But it was that event that had set in motion the devastating series of chain reactions that had changed Elsa forever.

_You made a mistake._

_I have to teach you fear, Elsa. Fear of failure._

_You can't make mistakes, Elsa. Ever._

_Never forgive yourself._

_Remember this. Remember this pain._

_You're the heir, Elsa. You can't falter._

_Why do you keep failing me?_

_It's all your fault._

_You can't show affection._

_You can't love. It will just be used against you._

_You can't show weakness._

Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let it show.

But once again, she was failing to do just that as her hands began to shake against the titanium of her crutches, making a small rattling noise as the tremble echoed off the hard floor.

When had she given up? When had she decided that he was right, that it was her fault? When had she stopped trying to convince herself that her trespasses had just been accidents, harmless mistakes? When did she start believing him? When did she stop forgiving herself? When did she start hating herself for who she was?

When had she started telling herself she didn't deserve to be happy?

Was it when she started addressing him as 'Father', instead of 'Daddy'? Was it when she abandoned herself to be who  _he_  wanted her to be?

It wasn't as if who he wanted her to be and who  _she_  wanted to be were two completely different people. He was her father, after all. Intrinsically, she wanted to be who he expected her to be, because… well… she loved him. He was her father, and she loved him. There was an innate craving for his approval, biting at her ankles to propel her forward, because he was her  _father_. She had respected him. So much.

The first time he hit her had been the most grievously scarring, simply because she hadn't expected it. Because it was so hard to couple this hideous version of her father with the kind, affectionate man she always saw with Anna. Her mind actively rejected the reality of being flogged; she had thought it had been just a nightmare, until searing pain forced her to accept that it wasn't. That it was very real. That the fault was really hers. That her father, the father that hadn't shown any aggression or affection toward her, only apathy, that father that she innately loved and respected, was purposefully causing her to suffer.

And that's why it was so traumatizing every time she failed him. She always worked herself into the ground to continue the agonizing climb toward his lofty standards, and it was never enough. Every time it was in arm's reach, a careless mistake, an unintended, harmless imperfection, would plunge her down to hell again.

Disappointing.

It wasn't the academics where she had fallen short. Oh, no. More or less, her academic history was perfect. Because that was something she at least had control over.

She failed him when she had begged him to let her spend time with Anna, after she had overheard her sister crying softly on the floor of their playroom, hugging the dolls that they used to share. She failed him when she couldn't find the heart to ever deny any request that her little sister made of her, in the little snippets of time they were allotted together. She failed him, because every time she was given a choice between Anna's happiness and her father's approval, she had  _chosen_  Anna. Over the company. Over her father. Over herself.

She craved Anna's happiness more than her father's approval.

And that was dangerous. Josef Arendelle had foreseen it, apparently, as was evident in his letter to her. That such unconditional love would undoubtedly be used against her. So he had tried to stifle it, reduce it, erase it, by means of classical conditioning. To force her to fear, to reject any sort of failure, any sort of imperfection, any sort of lapse in control that would be detrimental to herself and the company in her future as CEO. In essence, he had also tried to force her to fear loving Anna.

The feeling was very like being torn in two. For four whole years, it was like she was actively being ripped in half. And it didn't subside much even after her father had died. Two halves of herself, one half desperately yearning for Anna's smile, and the other inherently craving her father's satisfaction, constantly warring with each other and ultimately failing to achieve either.

At first, she even begged for forgiveness. For second chances. But when the pain didn't stop, she did. One could only taste the ground so many times before finally believing that they deserved it.

"Elsa, what's wrong?"

She didn't know when her head lowered and her eyes squeezed shut until she had to fight to reverse it. Anna had moved from her side to curiously inspect the trophies and awards preserved inside glass cabinets in one corner of the study. Elsa tried to focus on Anna, and only Anna when she forced out an answer, "Nothing."

Anna's brow furrowed in concern and her gaze flitted around the room before settling on Elsa's trembling hands. She approached her older sister, speaking the only conclusion she could have come to, given the situation. "You miss him too, don't you?"

The wistful note in Anna's voice may as well have been a bullet. In fact, a bullet would probably have hurt less. Every merciless beat of Elsa's heart flooded her with more guilt and misery. How could she have considered telling Anna? How could she have been so thoughtless? A sharp pain shot up her arms as her nails gouged further into the cuts in her palms. She winced like the incompetent fool she was, and trained her eyes on the floor until warm hands relaxed her clenched fists.

"Should we leave, Elsa? If being here is too hard for you," Anna suggested softly, trying to meet her diverted gaze.

Why had she even come down here? Why did she decide to subject herself, once again, to the air of this torturous room? What futile notion had she been chasing?

She suddenly couldn't remember anymore. She wanted very much to turn around, go back the way they had come, and continue her life of…

… her life of what? Of lying to Anna, of lying to herself, of continuing to push away anyone who cared about her? Of being crushed by her responsibilities and who she couldn't possibly be?

No. She gritted her teeth until the sheer force of her jaws clamping together sent an aching throb to her temples. She had come here to move on. To stop the horrendous nightmares that relentlessly plagued her almost every night. To forget. To find some sort of closure.

"No," she finally bit out, scraping together the remainder of her tattered conviction.

_I'm going to stop running away._

"Running away from what?"

She froze. Had she said that out loud? There were still gentle hands holding onto the fingers of her own, otherwise she would have instinctively balled them up again at her witless slipup.

One of those hands released their hold and went to her cheek, coaxing her head upward, until her eyes had the audacity to fall on her reason for living. If it were possible, her stomach knotted even further at the sight of a troubled Anna, and she let out the breath that she didn't know she had been holding.

She wondered briefly when she had decided that her sister's happiness was more important than her own. Was it when she had first looked into that pair of bright teal eyes so many years ago and had felt compelled to make those eyes curl into smiling ones? As if it were part of her very genetic makeup to bring joy to the innocent, trusting face that cooed back at her, and protect it at all costs. Because the warmth that Anna's laugh brought to her was so precious that she would move heaven and earth to preserve it.

_As if I was born to love you._

At that, she was able to muster a slight smile.

"Running away from what?" Anna prompted, looking more comfortable now that Elsa seemed marginally more relaxed.

Elsa turned over the hand that Anna had released, and her eyes were drawn to the bloody crescent moons lined across her palm. The pain had been acute when they were first inflicted, but now it had subsided to a steady pulse, resonating with each beat of her heart—just like the scars on her back: angry, aching shadows of her past, but they had hurt the most when they were first delivered.

Anna followed her gaze, and immediately released her to produce a pack of tissues from her pocket, gingerly pressing one to each bloody palm. Anna had always done this for her, Elsa realized. Stopped the bleeding. Soothed the pain. Cooled the burn.

_I don't want to hurt you._

She had come to an impasse. She wouldn't run away, but she couldn't move forward. Not without the inevitable cost of Anna's bliss.

All she ever wanted was for Anna to be happy. All she would ever want was for Anna to be happy. Why was that so wrong? Why did everyone, her father, her mother,  _everyone_  discourage it? Why was she always bound by responsibility, by heritage, by legacy, by identity? Why was everything she did always  _wrong_  in someone's eyes?

She met the pastel green eyes of her late father, looking down on her like he always did, from his portrait on the wall behind his desk. He embodied everything she couldn't be. Proud, dismissive, arrogant, self-serving. Her eyes narrowed into a glare as she examined the picture, her father clad in his designer suit, hands behind his back, head held high, staring back at her, eyes hard and unforgiving.

_Why was I never good enough for you?_

Still unsatisfied, even after death. Mocking her. Suddenly, Elsa was almost burning with resentment and bitterness.

 _Did you_ enjoy _my suffering?_

_Did you even love me?_

Hatred reared its ugly head.

"I wonder what Father would say, if he saw us right now," she almost spat, and Anna looked up from her hands, slightly alarmed at her semi-hostile tone.

"He would be happy for us," Anna's response was firm, albeit confused. The trust and faith in her voice would normally have made Elsa smile, but not this time.

But Elsa kept her gaze solidly fixed on his portrait, years of pent-up indignation and hatred coursing hot, almost toxically, through her veins. She refused to look at Anna, refused to lower the scowl she couldn't prevent toward her little sister, who didn't deserve it at all. "How do you know that?" She nearly growled.

"Because he told me. He wanted me to be happy. And he wanted you to be happy."

If Elsa didn't deserve Anna's confidence and loyalty, then Josef Arendelle sure as hell deserved it even less. To her surprise, and Anna's, she chuckled coldly. Why was she feeling so venomous? A voice was warning her to stop, to end this conversation, before she divulged something she would regret. She paid it no heed. She was too far gone.

Anna seemed to notice the caustic fury radiating off her in waves, and took a small step back, eyeing her worriedly. "Did I say something? Are you angry with me?"

Elsa breathed in sharply, the sound piercing the thick air of the study, trying to reign in her emotions. They were all over the place, hatred and guilt, resentment and fear, frustration and regret, all viciously searing through her, heavy as a hot branding iron, each one fighting to dominate her mind. "No," she managed through gritted teeth. "I just can't imagine that he wanted me to be happy."

How could he have? After telling her she was a failure, a disappointment, a disgrace, how could he have possibly expected her to attain happiness?

He didn't want a daughter for an heir. He had wanted a machine. That was what he had groomed her to be. A cold, hard, two-faced machine, just like he had been. Except she couldn't ever be like that in front of Anna. And that was why he was so disappointed in her.

"Why not? You deserve to be happy, Elsa," Anna whispered, approaching her slowly as if she were a dangerous predator. Which, right now, was not an inaccurate description of her.

"No, I don't," she replied, voice fraught with acidity. The notion was so ingrained within her that the words just came out on their own, regardless of her current antagonism.

Anna narrowed her eyes, comprehension colouring her irises. "This has to do with this secret you're keeping from me, doesn't it? Why are we really here, Elsa?"

"Don't push me right now, Anna," Elsa warned, fear taking precedent in her mind. If she were to say it right now, the words would be aimed at Anna for the sake of deliberately hurting, not telling. She did not want that. That would make her no different from her parents, saying things out of spite, not love. "Please."

"Please, just tell me. I won't love you any less."

"I can't."

"Elsa, I'm so tired of playing this game with you! This I-love-you-but-I-don't game! You can't break down on the floor of the bathroom and expect me to walk away all whoop-dee-doo like it doesn't affect me!"

Elsa was shaking so hard—with anger? fear? that she dropped a crutch and held onto the frame of the doorway for support instead, fingers scratching the wood as they dug in. She glared at the floor, struggling to regain control over herself. She was not going to attack Anna with those words. If she were to say them, it would be because she didn't want to lie, not because she wanted to hurt. "I'm sorry. This isn't how I wanted to tell you. I still—I still don't want to tell you."

"Tell me what, exactly?" Anna demanded, flicking a glance over her shoulder at their father's portrait. "What—did Dad do something?" The shadow of a memory crossed her features. "You mentioned… his lessons—"

"I can't… I can't…" Elsa breathed, voice barely above a whisper. Anna was already not far from the truth. But they could still turn back now. They could still—

"I'm not made of glass, Elsa! Just spit it out! Unless…" Anna's anxious expression turned into one of dismay. "You still don't trust me! You still think I'm a little kid who needs protecting!" She reached out to grab Elsa by the shoulders. "Whatever problem is eating you up inside, you're going to tell me! Right now!" Then, a little gentler, "I can handle it."

Anna intently held Elsa's gaze for a while, until Elsa finally sighed and looked away. Anna smiled wistfully at her. "You've endured so much for so long. But you don't have to be alone anymore. I'm here for you. So what are you afraid of?"

"Anna…" Elsa returned her sister's smile with a morose one. She didn't want to tell any more lies. But what was she going to say?  _Father isn't who you think he is. He was a two-faced bastard who wanted me to become a merciless, disciplined leader. He punished me to try and turn me into him. He hit me every time I played with you._

They wouldn't come out. The words wouldn't come out.

She limped around Anna instead, half-hopping, half-shuffling to a position behind Josef's desk, dropping her other crutch as soon as she reached it. Anna watched her curiously as she closed her eyes and inhaled evenly before pulling open one of the drawers. Anna craned her neck and took a step closer as Elsa searched for a certain item.

She found it, the accursed thing. It stared back at her, the medium in which her nightmares were delivered.

_Failure._

_Disappointing._

"I'm sorry," it came out as a choked plea, and she wasn't sure if she was apologizing to the belt, or Anna, or her father. She wasn't sure why she was apologizing at all.

Anna was beside in her a flash, staring at the thing Elsa's hand was hovering over, eyes wide and afraid, as if she were expecting some horrendous monster to come flying out of the drawer.

It didn't take long before she came to a conclusion herself. There were still traces of dried blood on the buckle, and it made Elsa sick to her stomach.

"Did he… did he hit you?" Anna whispered hesitantly, voice hitching in panic.

Elsa gasped and straightened at the vocalization of her nightmare, snatching up the coiled brown leather even though the contact burned her skin like it had years ago. She backed away clumsily, gripping the edge of the desk for support, as if Anna had just caught her at the scene of a murder with the murder weapon in her hands. "I'm sorry."  _I'm sorry I have to tell you this. I'm sorry I love you. I'm sorry we're sisters. I'm sorry we were born into this family._

There was a long pause. Elsa's terrified silence was enough of an answer. "Why?" Anna asked, staring at her in horror.

Elsa took another step back, fingers sliding across the polished wood, injured leg throbbing in protest as she put weight on it. That was the least of her worries, though. Her fingers curled dejectedly around the width of the heavy belt, and she couldn't find the will to look her sister in the eye as she replied, "Because—because I deserved it."

"No." Denial. This Elsa had expected.

"I'm sorry," she said again. She didn't know what consolation she could give Anna, and she was so used to apologizing already.

"Is that what he taught you? That you're… you don't deserve happiness?"

Elsa kept her eyes focused on the floor as her entire body threatened to shake again, the memories of what he taught her flooding back to her.

_You're useless._

_You're pathetic._

Anna's voice had been eerily calm, and Elsa couldn't discern Anna's current state of mind from the brief glance she stole, the fact that Anna had gone very stiff not helping at all. And she didn't know whether to be afraid of that or not. Her fingers tightened their hold on the desk in apprehension, the wood screeching as her nails scraped across it.

"Because… because you deserved it," Anna repeated, her face contorting as if the words were foreign to her, unwelcome. It wasn't long before Elsa saw her begin to piece everything together, and realization haunted her features. "Whenever… I made you break the rules? Is this how he punished you? When—whenever I asked you to skip lessons and play with me. I…"

Elsa shrank back from the desk at the heartbreak in Anna's voice, and grabbed the frame of a bookcase for support as she brought herself to look at her sister. She wanted to run.

_That's right, like the coward you are._

She always wanted to run whenever she knew Anna was hurting. She was too much of a coward to watch, because whatever pain Anna felt, she felt ten times over.

_Pathetic._

Her current condition didn't permit fleeing, so she shut her eyes instead, trying to block out the voices, leaning her forehead against the cool vermilion, trying to pretend that she hadn't just broken her little sister's heart once again.

_That's all you ever do._

She almost didn't hear what Anna said next. She wished she hadn't.

"I… I did this to you."

 _I hope you're happy now,_  that hostile voice in her head hissed.  _You've made her cry. You've taken away all her happiness. I hope you're happy._

An abrupt crash of wood meeting stone accompanied by the cracking of glass startled her, interrupting the accusatory voices, and she opened her eyes to see the desk knocked over, the various picture frames that had rested on it shattered and strewn across the floor.

"WHAT GAVE HIM THE RIGHT?!" Anna screamed, kicking the fallen table again, splintering the worn wood of the bottom drawer with another deafening crack.

Elsa didn't know how she imagined Anna would take the news, but this was a hundred times worse than any possible scenario that she had considered.

_Look what you've done to her._

But she was too concerned about Anna to listen. She knew all about the awful conflict of hating a loved one, a role model. Of confidence being betrayed. She had endured it for years. She didn't want Anna to hate their father, because she knew her baby sister had loved him so much. And it was so  _hard_ , to hate someone you loved. Hatred wasn't an emotion for Anna.

"HOW COULD HE?!" Anna screamed, tears flowing freely down her face, as she pushed over one of the trophy cabinets, causing it to land with a resounding shatter as glass smashed against stone again. "He lied to me. He did that to you. How could he?"

Elsa wasn't going to stand idle while Anna was hurting, no matter how much of a coward she accused herself of being. She reached out a hand. "Anna—"

"How could you let him?" Anna sobbed, sinking to her knees, burying her face in her hands. "How could you stand to be here? How did you suffer so… so  _alone_  all those years?"

This was definitely a thousand times worse than she had expected, Elsa decided. She was beginning to regret asking Anna to come here with her. What illusory notion had caused her to think that Anna could be happy after knowing the truth about their father? She would have kept her mouth shut her entire life if she'd known this would be the outcome.

"You hate him, don't you?" Anna realized, looking up from her hands and staring at Elsa with a different kind of horror from before. "I've been so stupid. How could you not? Oh god, I've been such an oblivious fool."

Elsa ignored the pain in her leg as she limped over to Anna, stepping over the broken glass and splintered wood. She tried to put a hand on her sister's shoulder. "Anna," she implored.

A surge of panic swept through her as Anna suddenly recoiled from her, eyes fraught with regret and sorrow. "You should hate me!" Anna yelled, "You have every right to hate me! Why do I cause nothing but torment for you? Even after all this time, I know nothing about you. I can't ever do anything for you."

"Anna, please, listen," Elsa begged, desperately, as Anna shied away from her again.

"No, Elsa! Why don't you blame me? Hate me? How could you possibly feel anything besides hate for me, after everything I've done to you? After everything you've suffered for me? Go ahead; tell me you hate me. You have every right."

"I can't," Elsa told her, finally managing to grab hold of Anna's wrist, holding it tight with both hands. "It's so hard to hate someone you love. I know. I  _know_."

That only resulted in a fresh deluge of tears from the younger girl, and Elsa's arms surrounded her, pulled her close as she continued to cry. Hands encircled Elsa's waist, and she managed to smile as her younger sister let herself weep into her shoulder. She kissed the top of Anna's head, "I don't hate him." It was true, she realized. There was still some part of her that wanted to believe that he did what he did because he cared about her future, about Anna's future. "And I don't hate you."

"H-how could you not? I c-can't imagine how betrayed you must have felt when he first… when he first…" The rest of the sentence dissolved into another wave of violent sobs.

"Hey," she rubbed gentle circles on Anna's back until they were reduced to soft whimpers. "You said it yourself. He wanted you to be happy. What he did to me… it doesn't invalidate what he told you, right?"

"How are you able to believe that? How could he expect me to be happy at your expense?"

Elsa didn't know why, but she did believe it. Her memories told her that her father had loved Anna, at the very least. Of course he would have wanted Anna to be happy. And that was why Elsa was able to accept what he did. "Because he loved you. And he made you happy, didn't he? Your happiness is my happiness, Anna. I don't want you to hate him. I know how hard that is. And it's not worth it to pour all your energy into hating someone."

It was strange, defending her father instead of resenting him. It shone light on a different side of him, a side that Elsa hadn't known until this very moment. Maybe her father had been just as afraid of hurting Anna as Elsa was. Maybe he was, in his own way, teaching Elsa how to protect Anna when they grew up. Maybe, just maybe, he had loved Elsa, too.

And that made it okay.

"I'm sorry," Anna murmured, eyes shimmering with grief and heartache. "I'm sorry I made you go through that alone. I'm sorry I always forced you to play with me. I'm sorry I always get you into so much trouble."

Elsa smiled as Anna buried herself into her shoulder again. "Never once have I regretted playing with you," Elsa whispered back, "So smile for me. Because your smile makes everything worth it."

It did. It really did.

There was a watery chuckle against her shoulder, followed by a muffled reply. "I don't deserve you."

"That's my line," Elsa muttered contentedly, relieved that for the first time in forever, there were no more secrets between them. Her own eyes watered at the feeling of unbridled, unadulterated freedom that came with it, however brief, because for once, she had entered this study, and had been rewarded with love, with affection, with gratitude.

"Elsa," Anna said, pulling back.

Immediate as a reflex reaction, Elsa's hands went to Anna's face, to wipe away the tears, and Anna's hands did the same.

"Repeat after me, Elsa," Anna smiled. "' _I deserve to be happy_.'"

Elsa's lips curled to mirror Anna's. "You deserve to be happy."

Anna glared at her. "Say it right! ' _I deserve to be happy_ ' _._ "

"Or what?"

"Or I'll kill you."

Fueled by the overwhelming sensation of elation as the last wall between them crumbled to nothing, Elsa felt she could actually believe. She laughed. "All right, all right. I deserve to be happy."

Anna hugged her tight, and Elsa returned the gesture with full force.

"See, Elsa, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

No. No, it wasn't. Not at all.

Surrounded by fractured wood, dust and broken glass, the two sisters held each other, and, finding comfort in the arms of one another, they began to heal.


	31. Hey, Soul Sister

"When… did he first start?"

Elsa pulled away and looked at Anna in alarm. "Do you really want to know? Wouldn't you rather forget?"

The stare Anna was giving her was so heatedly unmoving that Elsa wanted to fidget and hide from it. "We can't pretend it didn't happen," Anna said in all seriousness, without any trace of her usual whimsy. "Because it did. And I know that  _you_  can't pretend it didn't happen, or you wouldn't have come down here. It's in your past—our past—and it's not going to go away. Isn't that why you came down here? To… face it?"

"You've grown up," Elsa remarked, with an air of wonder.

"Well,  _someone_  has to make sure you don't end up hurting yourself with your pigheadedness," Anna responded cheekily.

"I beg your pardon?  _My_ pigheadedness?" Elsa gasped at her, shaking her head incredulously. "You could win the Olympics with your obstinacy alone."

Anna huffed at her. "So are you going to tell me or not? No, scratch that; that wasn't a question. You are going to tell me."

Elsa hesitated, and then gave in to the temptation of looking away.

"Old habits are hard to break, huh? That's okay; I've always been very benevolent. I can be patient."

At that, Elsa found herself fighting the urge to release a very unladylike snort. She settled for a snicker instead, eyes flicking back to her sister, reluctance temporarily swept to the sidelines. "You? Patient? When we played hide-and-seek, you couldn't even count to ten! You and patience were meant to be sworn enemies, I would think."

Anna scoffed and crossed her arms. "No, my sworn enemy is math!"

"Ah, that explains why you always skipped straight from 'three' to 'ten'. You just can't count."

"Elsa!"

Elsa couldn't resist adding, "Explains why you couldn't properly count how many kisses we've had, either."

Anna gasped incredulously as the words jabbed at her dignity, face burning in a heartbeat. "I—that's not fair! I was drunk! That shouldn't—it doesn't!" she managed to spew, albeit incoherently.

Elsa swiftly dissolved into a fit of undisguised laughter.

" _Elsa_!"

When Elsa couldn't (or wouldn't) stop shaking with amusement, Anna indignantly shoved at her shoulders, growling, "You're asking for it, aren't you?" Without thinking, she blurted. "How many were we at, five? Should I give you a sixth?"

"Ah—I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Elsa chortled, still quivering with residual mirth.

Anna was relieved at her lighthearted response, but Elsa was too busy trying not to cackle to notice. "No, you're not," Anna retorted.

"You're right; I'm not."

Strange. It was out of place, laughter. Here. In this room. Never in a million years would Elsa have imagined that she could be allowed let out any display of amusement or contentment while being surrounded by the same apathetic four walls that used to condone her suffering. She marveled at how easily Anna had turned this chamber of horror into one of comfort and hospitality, ironic because shattered remnants of Anna's outburst still encircled them. But the damaged desk and fractured fragments of glass, even the bloodstained buckle of the thick leather belt beside them, really did absolutely nothing to dampen the lighthearted ambience gracing the room now.

Anna had made everything better. She always did.

Spirits considerably lifted by her cloud of elation, Elsa finally answered, "The first time was when I was six."

"What did I make you do?"

She sighed. "Anna, I don't understand why you want to know so badly."

"Because, Elsa, it's a part of you. What he did to you—I'm not so stupid that I don't see how big a part it plays in making you… well, you. And I…" Anna paused. And then, "… I want to help you get over it. This part that you've hidden from me for—for fourteen years."

"You hesitated. You really can't count. I can't believe I never noticed."

"Stop it! I got it right, okay? I think." Anna paused, biting her bottom lip pensively, brow furrowing (adorably) in fierce concentration. "One… two… four—yeah, fourteen. I did get it right."

Elsa was briefly distracted by the enticing image of Anna chewing on her lip, and the subsequent (highly disruptive) urge to be the one doing it instead. She flushed and tore her eyes away, suddenly very interested in a certain glass shard on the floor.

Anna seemed to have wanted to say something else, and Elsa didn't have to focus her thoughts for very long before comprehending exactly what it was. For all the times Anna had spilled her feelings in front of Elsa, Elsa had never once given her a proper response. A certain, very vocal, part of her brain was screaming at her that that was unacceptable, and should be tactfully remedied with great haste. Anna was being more adult about this than she was, she realized, with a jarring pang of something that resembled guilt.

"You didn't do anything," asserted the older sister, conceding defeat, "It was me who didn't do enough."

Anna's look of intense concentration shifted to one of concern. "What do you mean?"

"You got hurt, Anna. And it was my fault for not being careful enough."

"What do you mean, it was your fault? Did you deliberately shove me to the ground? Push me off my bike? No? If you didn't do anything of the sort, I fail to see how anyone could blame you for it."

"Regardless, I'm your older sister. I should have known better," Elsa recited, the words feeling worn and tattered on her lips after having been viciously repeated to her so many times in her childhood. Or maybe  _she_  was feeling worn and tattered after having absorbed the full brunt of their meaning until it became engraved in her, the words incessant like the perpetual waves of the ocean carving the boulders of the shore, eventually bending even solid stone to their unrelenting will.

Anna caught the melancholy in her voice—or was it written on her face? Nevertheless, the younger girl adopted a ferocious look of determination, which bore some semblance to the face of a lion tamer, ready to undertake the dangerous task of tempering a carnal predator, thwarting years of habitual instinct. "Elsa, you're responsible for you, and I'm responsible for me. Whatever stupid things I did as a kid were of my own volition; you did not force me to do them. You probably tried to stop me, but I never listened, right?"

" _Still_ —"

"If you insist they were your fault, Elsa, then it was Dad's as well as Mom's as well as Gerda's and the maids' and the gardeners' and the goddamn stray cats' and dogs' faults, too. And the rats and the squirrels and the raccoons and whatever else that live near our house should also share the blame. Because they didn't stop me, either. So stop being so greedy and hoarding all the responsibility."

The corner of Elsa's mouth twitched at the last statement, while the rest of her absorbed her sister's words. "Hoarding the responsibility?" She repeated, almost smirking at the irony.

"Like a goddamn leprechaun with her pot of gold."

She was amused. "Is that how you'd put it?"

"Look, I skipped all my talking lessons along with my eating lessons and walking lessons, okay?"

"That much is obvious, I think," Elsa sported a lopsided grin, blithely needling further at Anna's self-advertised patience, which elicited a playfully irritated grumble, and Elsa laughed again. She added thoughtfully, "Although, I've heard that you can wish for a leprechaun to give you their pot of gold if you catch them."

"Is that so?" And arms were abruptly thrown around her again as Anna emphatically dragged their bodies back together in a bear hug.

"And I heard it's  _three_  wishes," the younger girl countered, and then chuckled against Elsa's shoulder as she realized the absurdity of what she was currently bargaining for.

"So I'm apparently a leprechaun with the ability to grant wishes for people," Elsa retorted, although she, too, wrapped her arms around her sister, relishing the warmth of Anna's hold.

"You can grant  _my_  wishes, and no one else's!"

Well, she wasn't planning on granting anyone else's wishes anyway. "Fine," she relented, "Two. I'll grant two." Was she really haggling with Anna about how many things the girl could ask for? In reality, Anna could make about a million requests and more, and Elsa would gladly fulfill each one to the best of her ability.

"Really?"

She nodded.

"First," Anna announced, after a long silence, which Elsa guessed could only have been filled with careful consideration, like a child deciding which candy she wanted after being told she was only allowed a limited amount. "Can we move out? I can't…  _We_  can't stay here. I don't want to stay here."

Elsa shifted her weight onto her ankles—well, one ankle. She had awkwardly managed to get on her knees in her quest to embrace Anna, and that left her injured leg in an uncomfortable position under her (again). Although, she was pretty sure she already delayed the recovery of her leg with her collapse in the bathroom earlier, so she figured a bit more time in an awkward position probably didn't make much of a difference at this point. "Do you really want to?"

Anna nodded slowly, "I don't know how you could stand being in the same area as—oh god, for… ten years. How did you keep this quiet for ten years, Elsa? If I hadn't come home when I did… how much longer were you planning to keep quiet?"

Elsa sighed dejectedly and her gaze changed to one of apology. "As long as I could. I didn't want you to think less of him. I know how much you looked up to him. You're right; you're not made of glass, and you're much stronger than I thought, but I would still have given anything to not have to tell you this."

"I'm glad, though. I'm glad you did."

Elsa stared at her, utterly baffled. "How could you possibly be glad about that?"

"Because you look  _happier_. And it makes me happy that there's one less thing you're keeping from me," she stopped, and eyed Elsa suspiciously, "Which, by the way, if there's anything else that you think I'm too fragile to know about, well, you better spit it out now."

"No," Elsa shook her head, relieved. "There isn't."

"Then when can we move out?"

Elsa pondered the question, outlining her schedule for the next couple of days in her head, carefully considering the preparations she needed to make. "Depends how fast I can find a place." She hissed involuntarily when the dull throbbing in her leg developed into a sharp jab.

"Oh!" Anna jumped away in surprise, suddenly registering the consequences of Elsa's kneeling position. She hopped to her feet and extended a hand to her sister, "Sorry," she said sheepishly, "I-I didn't realize." A look of guilt crossed her face, one that Elsa wanted to vehemently wipe off.

"Don't be," Elsa took her offered hand and allowed Anna to pull her to her feet, supporting herself against the wall when she realized that the desk was no longer available. She really hadn't thoroughly planned the manner of her revelation of their father to Anna; what part of her brain thought it would be smart to just abandon her only means of transport? How the hell was she going to reach the crutches strewn across the floor with her injured leg screaming in protest?

It was as if her sister could read her thoughts. Admittedly, her dilemma wasn't a difficult one to infer, but still. "I'll get your crutches," Anna declared for the second time in the span of a few hours, guilt still brewing on her gentle features as she turned to fetch the deserted equipment.

A flash of gold blinked in Elsa's peripheral vision, and she turned her attention to one of the picture frames that had landed face first on the ground when Anna had kicked over the desk. The aged golden frame lay forgotten in a pool of glass fractals, the impact having shaken the backing board loose of its metal cage. The backs of two photographs peeked out from behind the cardboard, stained a light yellow by the pendant lamps. Two photographs. Didn't picture frames normally only house one?

Curious, Elsa gripped the shelf of the bookcase beside her, careful not to further annoy her objecting leg, and lowered herself to the ground to reach for the pictures. One of them, the one that would have been displayed if its dwelling were still intact, had captured a smiling young Anna, around the age of six or seven, arms lazily thrown around a snowman, which Elsa could only interpret as a poorly attempted imitation of Olaf. The snowball comprising his head was rounded instead of its signature oblong, and he was missing the feet that they normally made for him. The body itself was rigidly square, as if someone had taken a saw and hacked a sphere into the stiff cube that it was.

Elsa could immediately discern that this snowman had not been made by herself and Anna. Needless to say, she had never seen this picture before, either. They rarely had their picture taken in their childhood, unless it was for pretentious family portraits used to ornament the halls for the sake of putting up a showy display of family unity for any visiting guests.

She was so engrossed in the wistfulness of Anna's smile that she didn't notice the redhead beside her until a melancholic voice shook her out of her thoughts. "Dad… built that snowman with me."

Elsa could only respond with a pathetic, "… Oh."

"He didn't want me to bother you, even though it was snowing outside," Anna told her, helping her to her feet again. "He tried, but it wasn't Olaf," Anna murmured, an echo of Elsa's own thoughts, a hand flying to her neck to trace the outline of Olaf that they both knew so well. "It wasn't Olaf." In a fit of spontaneous anger at the thought of their father, she impulsively snatched at the picture.

If it was anyone else holding the photo, they would have never anticipated such a reaction. Only Elsa could have foreseen Anna's response, and in a split second she held the offending image away from her sister. "It's okay," she breathed, her other hand looping its way around Anna's shoulders, in an attempt to keep herself steady and to soothe her sister. "It's okay."

Elsa knew her better than anyone else, and she understood that Anna's embittered attitude towards the photo could only have been born from feelings of betrayal and resentment; after all, she had just experienced the same only moments before. She hurriedly stuffed the pictures into the back pocket of her jeans, deciding she would look at the second at a later time, and took one of her crutches from Anna's grasp, keeping her arm around her sister.

"I can't forgive him," Anna whispered, staring at the ground. "I can't."

She and Anna shared different views on what her father did to her, Elsa realized. She thought it was righteous punishment, while Anna saw it as a vile offense. It didn't matter what their perspectives were, Elsa finally decided. She knew now that she didn't want to dwell on the past, and she didn't want Anna to, either. "You're not meant for hatred," Elsa told her gently, "And hating him doesn't fix anything."

Anna looked at her, admiration shining in her eyes, and helped her toward the door. "I'm not going to forgive him," she declared. "But I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of poisoning the rest of my life, or yours, for that matter."

"That's my girl," Elsa smiled.

"Elsa," the arm around her back tightened its hold. "I'm going to give you everything he didn't, okay?"

There was a familiar warmth in Elsa's chest, spreading throughout her body like wildfire, and she smiled. "Okay."

As she and her sister stepped back across the threshold of their father's study, Elsa threw one last glance, one that was neither resentful nor hateful, at her father's portrait, thanking him for the first time in her life. For all the things that he took from her, he had given her kind, caring, unpredictable  _Anna_.

It didn't matter if he meant to or not, but he did.

She didn't bother to turn and close the door; it had remained sealed for too long already.

* * *

She wondered what she was doing.

Oh, that was right. She sighed. There was still a debt to repay.

"He's here," Gustav reported, Alistair trailing behind, a look of disapproval plain on his face as they made their way into Elsa's office. She was in her old office, cleaned and refurnished; she had refused to occupy the CEO's office, still bothered by her mother's overbearing presence in that room.

"Are you sure you want to meet with him?" Alistair usually never voiced personal opinions on Elsa's actions; he was paid to protect, not to judge, but he was also a long-time friend of her father, and he did allude to how much he cared about her when he agreed to participate in Anna's rescue. Elsa respected the man deeply, despite his traditional upbringing that was glaringly similar to her father's. Or maybe that was why. He was similar to her father, but he never expected anything of her, never judged. Admittedly, it wasn't his place, but it was refreshing nonetheless.

She wondered briefly what he would think of her feelings for her sister. Such a traditional man, he would no doubt look down upon the nature of her affection, just like the rest of society.

"Yes," she affirmed, voice unwavering. He had opposed her meeting with Hans as well, but this was more than just a meeting.

"Your father would have just left him to rot," the Russian man reminded her.

"I know," she said.  _And that's why_.

Alistair merely nodded in response and stood vigilant beside her desk. Elsa reclined in her leather chair behind the desk, waiting for Gustav to go fetch her guest.

The door reopened, and her gaze met tired brown eyes, under matted brown hair. Prison life had not treated him well, Elsa observed, though she was unsure of whether to feel wrathful or contemptuous at the sight of him looking twenty years older than he was supposed to be. She settled for indifferent.

Mark wore a rumpled white collared shirt, and a rough stubble was visible on his chin, uncharacteristic of the habitually clean and organized appearance he maintained while he was still working for her. "You paid my bail," he said, voice drained and devoid of emotion.

"Yes," she responded, reciprocating the deadpan.

"Why?" Mark rasped.

Elsa twisted the cap of a ballpoint pen between her fingers, focusing on the repetitive motion so as to not reply with bitterness at his thankless question. "My sister informed me that the injuries she sustained would have been substantially worse if you hadn't helped her." Before he could respond, she added, "So, as much as I would hate to admit, I owe you a debt."

"I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt," he sighed in defeat, voice clogged with regret after eyeing her crutches resting against one side of the desk. "I just—I thought that the President would at least put her own daughter's life before the company's. After what she made me do to Henry Falk… I…"

"My lawyers have advised against me offering you this, but if you testify against Hans at his trial, I will clear you of all charges."

"What?" He echoed in disbelief.

"Also…" she waved Alistair and Gustav out of the room. They reluctantly obliged, shutting the door behind them. "I want to hear what she made you do. And what else she has done for the sake of this company."

"I'm not… allowed to speak of it…" he stammered, rubbing an arm nervously.

"You wish to put a stop to her. Then you will work with me."

His eyes lit up with surprise. "You mean—"

"I'm offering you your old job back," she clarified steadily. Then she smiled at him; it wasn't a disrespectful smirk, but not a completely friendly gesture at the same time. "You did do a good job, minus the obvious betrayal. Of course, you will have to earn my trust again, before I will give you more than menial tasks."

He gaped at her, and then shook his head, as if he thought he had been daydreaming.

"You are free to refuse my offer," she informed him slowly. "Although I am aware of the other reason you so readily abandoned my trust."

He gave her a look twisted with repentance and anguish. "My mother is in the hospital," he whispered, a fact that Elsa was already aware of. "I needed the money Hans offered me. I am truly sorry for my actions," he croaked, voice cracking near the end of the statement.

"Well, I hope you're not under the illusion my forgiveness is unconditional." She did smirk this time, but she wasn't being arrogant. "You are going to earn it. I will work you into the ground, believe me."

He smiled at her, the contentment on his face contrasting comically with his disheveled appearance. "When do I start?"

"Today, after you clean yourself up. And your first task will be to find me a house."

* * *

"Can I loooooook yet?" Anna complained, a question that she had incessantly repeated the entire drive from the school to their current location.

Elsa tightened the blindfold around her sister's eyes, making sure that the cloth hadn't come loose during the car ride here. "Not yet," she chided joyfully, even though Anna couldn't see her gigantic smile at the exuberant air dancing around them. In fact, if Anna could see the huge grin she was sporting right now, she would probably be laughed at for it; it was so uncharacteristic of her to be grinning uncontrollably like an idiot. And yet, that was the only way she could aptly describe her current expression: grinning like an absolute idiot.

She fished a key out of her pocket, one hand on Anna's shoulder to steady herself and leaned over to open the door in front of them. Her grin grew ever wider (was that even possible?) as she looked into the room and lead her sister inside, hobbling in front.

They were met with the fresh smell of paint and wood, mixed with the warm aroma of something that resembled honey. Feet shuffled on cinnamon maple finish, as they took off their shoes and Elsa guided her sister into their new condo.

There was no furniture, no couches or televisions or coffee tables in the living room, just as she'd asked of Mark when he finalized the paperwork for her only a day after his reinstatement. She could see the marble counter separating the kitchen from the main area of the residence, and the short hallway that lead to the bedrooms not far beside it. One wall, the wall that faced the outside of the soaring condominium building was entirely made of glass, and the view it granted breathtakingly beautiful; one could see the beach below, and the mouth of the Burrard inlet as it extended into the vast Pacific expanse of ocean beyond.

"Well? Can I look yet?" Anna demanded again, bouncing impatiently on the balls of her feet in anticipation. She, too, had noticed the smell of newly constructed dwelling.

There was a certain metaphor Elsa wanted to illustrate first. "Take about five steps forward and tell me what you feel." She was tempted to poke another counting joke at her sister, and decided against it as she leaned on a single crutch, letting her sister leave her side to perform the task.

"One… two… three… four… five…" Anna waved her arms in front of her as she stepped into the centre of the living room, trying to find some solid object to grasp on to. "There's nothing! Elsa!"

"You can look now," Elsa laughed, barely able to suppress her own excitement.

In one swift motion, Anna swiped away the offending black cloth, letting it drop to the ground beside her. Elsa held her breath as she watched as Anna's eyes were drawn to the curtain of light shining in through the wall of glass; the sun was streaming in directly from its position in the western sky, filling the room with warmth and exultation. Anna turned around, rapidly eyeing the marble counters of the kitchen behind her, the cinnamon floors that almost matched the copper of her hair, the snowy white walls, before eagerly meeting Elsa's.

"There's really nothing!" Anna exclaimed in surprise as she looked around again, feet sweeping across the warm maple of the wood flooring. "Elsa! Why is it empty?"

Elsa had managed to suppress her grin when Anna took the blindfold off, but she couldn't keep it contained any longer. She smiled widely at her sister, almost tempted to clamp a hand around her mouth to hide it, and answered, "It's not empty if you're here."

She could almost see the metaphor literally flying over her sister's dense strawberry-blond head when Anna incredulously shot back, "Are you calling me fat?"

She fought the urge to let out an exasperated sigh. Oh, well. It's not like she hadn't considered that Anna would completely miss her point. And there would be plenty more opportunities for her to show Anna how she felt, Elsa decided, more amused than disappointed by her sister's obliviousness. "I thought we could pick out the furniture together," she offered.

Any residual disappointment was thoroughly obliterated by the joy and elation that lit up her sister's eyes. "Really?!" Anna almost shrieked in her excitement.

Elsa nodded, still smiling. "Only if you like the place, though." The paperwork was more or less complete, but she wanted to leave the final decision to Anna.

"I… I love it!" The spirited redhead declared from her spot against the glass wall, staring down at the glistening waves of the ocean sweeping across the fine sand of the beach below.

"Are—are you sure? It's really okay if you don't like it. I just thought it was a good location, I mean, Arendelle U is close by and the office is only about twenty minutes' drive away instead of the hour it took from the manor. And the neighbourhood is good here, too, and there's twenty-four-hour security, and I—" A finger came to press against her lips, promptly stopping her sentence, breath, and heart in one effortless gesture. She blinked rapidly, as if it would deter the fact that Anna had come to stand in front of her and their faces were so close that if she focused, she could number the freckles that peppered across her sister's face.

"I love it," Anna assured her, the warmth of her breath chasing away any doubts that Elsa had been entertaining.

Elsa wanted to kiss her. She didn't even have the brain capacity left to marvel at how strongly the urge to passionately crush their lips together was overtaking her. It would be so easy, too. If she just leaned in a little more, their lips would be touching and Elsa could show Anna exactly how complete Anna made her feel…

… but that wouldn't be right. Not now. She was going to be an adult about this, and not just surrender to her carnal urges, like before, without first being clear about her own feelings and fair to Anna about the state of their relationship. She imagined she would have to exercise a lot of restraint when it came to her feelings about her sister.

But she wanted to make sure they were going to approach this without the interference of fear, desperation, or misinterpreted love. She wanted them both to be one hundred and twenty percent sure about what they wanted.

One thing she was certain of was that she was done running away, though. Done. Done avoiding the issue, done hurting her sister.

So she smiled instead, despite her warming cheeks and gave Anna a quick peck on the nose. "Good," she breathed. "I'll have the movers bring our things over. In the meantime, would you like to go somewhere?"

Anna stared at her quizzically, undeterred by how quickly Elsa had drawn away. She was willing to wait for a response, Elsa realized. Well, she wouldn't let Anna wait for long.

"Where?" Anna asked her, eyes glowing with anticipation.

"Grocery shopping?" Elsa grinned. "I've never gone grocery shopping."

Anna was already rushing to the door. "Let's do it!" she sang.

* * *

Grocery shopping with Anna was definitely not a dull experience. Since Elsa was still crutch ridden, she had to relinquish all control of the shopping cart to her sister. Which only spurred the redhead's autonomy in deciding that they would be having chocolate and nothing but chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

"An _na_!" Elsa chastised, as her sister threw another pack of Oreos and Hershey's chocolate bars into the cart already overflowing with sweets, "We are  _not_  going to live on chocolate and instant ramen! I refuse!"

The feisty girl grinned at her, throwing three packages of chocolate chip cookies into the cart, "Well, neither of us can cook, so I don't see any other option."

"We'll learn," Elsa grumbled, trying to return all the junk food back to the shelves. "You  _have_  to pick some fruits and vegetables as well."

"Fine, but  _you_  need to pick out at least one bag of chocolate for us to share," Anna stuck her tongue out at Elsa, and crossed her arms.

Elsa sighed. She should have expected her sister to want to clear out the entire aisle of junk food, but for some reason, the thought hadn't crossed her mind. Anna really hadn't changed that much, and Elsa smiled at the realization. She was mature and immature at the same time, and that only made her all the more adorable to Elsa. "Okay," she replied, eyes brushing the vast selection of sweets on the shelves. Hmm.

Finally, she picked out a bag of Hershey's Kisses, and tossed it into the cart. Let Anna make of that what she will. Elsa was going to have to be clear about her feelings, so that Anna would have the chance to really decide if this was what she wanted. "To share," Elsa grinned cheekily when she caught her sister eyeing her thoughtfully.

She was both surprised and not surprised when Anna nodded cheerfully and wheeled the cart out of the aisle and toward the produce section. Elsa followed her slowly, hobbling on her crutches, mildly amused by how out-of-place her bodyguards in their jet-black suits looked in a grocery store.

She caught sight of Anna heaving a large watermelon into the cart and chuckled to herself. Her laughter died off, though, when Anna hefted a second, and then a third, following the first one. "Anna!" She approached her sister. "We're not going to be able to finish all of those! Moderation! Just get one."

Anna pouted at her. "But I love watermelon."

Hnnnng. Why was Elsa so easily swayed by those puppy dog eyes? "Fine," she relented, feeling rather possessed. "But don't blame me if you're sick with a stomach ache because you gorged on it."

"That was only one time!" Anna retorted, indignant. "What else?"

Well, watermelon was good enough for fruit, right? Elsa shrugged, her own inexperience with nutrition and healthy living was not helping them at all; she and Ariel had had a chef when they were at Oxford. "Vegetables. Broccoli?"

Anna made a face.

"Ugh, fine. Lettuce?"

Anna made a disgusted face.

"Really?" Elsa rolled her eyes. "Carrots?"

Anna looked horrified.

"Anna! You can't be so picky with your vegetables!"

"Only because I hate everything you're suggesting! Oh, I know! Let's get corn. And peas. None of that broccoli stuff, god. You  _know_  I hate that stuff, and you're suggesting it to spite me! Oh, potatoes! Let's get potatoes! Corn and potatoes!"

Elsa guessed she should be grateful that Anna had moved on from her fantasy that they could survive on just chocolate and cup noodles. "Oh, all right," she agreed grudgingly, and let her sister pick out the vegetables. "Milk and eggs, next," she announced, when Anna was finished packing a minimal amount of produce. She fought the urge to rake her hands through her hair when Anna made another face at the mention of milk. "God, fine,  _chocolate_  milk." Little sisters. Why was she so in love again? She couldn't begin to fathom.

Anna beamed at her, and she suddenly remembered why. Of course, she laughed at herself as she followed the sprightly redhead to the dairy section, how could she have forgotten? Because that smile was what she lived for.

"Juice! Don't forget juice! Juice is so much better than fruit," Anna asserted when they had successfully acquired said dairy products.

Grocery shopping with Anna was definitely not a dull experience.

* * *

Elsa couldn't remember the last time she had slept so well. Or when she last slept past six o'clock. No dreams, no nightmares, just pure, unadulterated rest. Well, at least, until she heard the twangs of an annoying ukulele playing from the kitchen, and the smell of something being fried in oil.

_He-ey, he-e-e-e-ey, he-e-e-e-ey,_

She groaned and turned over in bed, wondering why she had left her door opened last night. Oh, that's right, because going grocery shopping with her sister had been an unexpectedly draining experience, and as soon as Mark had called her to inform her that the condo was officially theirs and that their bedrooms (yes, two bedrooms) had been successfully set up with their things, she pulled her sister home, lest the redhead wreak more havoc in the ice cream aisle of the store.

_Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brains,_

_I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind._

Someone was humming out in the kitchen along with the melody, and Elsa grumbled irritably into her pillow. What was Anna doing up so early? Well, okay, it was past ten in the morning, but still. Anna rarely ever got up before noon when she didn't have school.

_Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream,_

_I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided, who's one of my kind_

Elsa resigned herself to the fact that she would not be getting any more sleep that morning, and pushed herself off the bed to collect her crutches and wash up in the bathroom that they shared, at the end of the hallway between the two bedrooms.

She was glad to let the running water drown out the chorus of the upbeat song that was too annoyingly happy for lazy Saturday mornings.

She decided not to bother braiding her hair, after she was done with washing up, and shuffled into the hallway to catch her sister singing along with the radio.

" _Just in ti-i-i-ime, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me,_ " sang a jubilant Anna, clothed in a t-shirt and shorts, covered by a pink apron that brought out the blue-green of her eyes, twin braids bobbing against her shoulders as she bounced on the spot with the beat of the song. " _You gave my life direction, a game show love connection, we can't deny-I-I-I-I-I._ "

Anna was so captivating when she sang, her naturally melodic voice ringing delightfully against the luminous glass walls of the living room. Elsa smirked at her, "I do  _not_  have a one-track mind like you," she grumbled lightheartedly, watching her sister prod an egg hissing in hot oil, on the frying pan atop the stove.

Anna grinned back at her, looking livelier than ever, " _I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna, and I'm always gonna wanna blowww your miiiind~"_

Did she say this song was too annoyingly happy? Well, Anna had effortlessly wiped her mind of all the irritation. Elsa chewed on her lip, staring at her sister. Did Anna even know how alluringly she wiggled her hips when she was singing? Now they were all Elsa could look at. Oh, god, and the lyrics. She didn't even want to let her thoughts wander there.

" _Hey, soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair you know._ "

Elsa almost bristled at the lyrical tease.  _The way_ you _move isn't fair!_

" _Hey, soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you dooooooo~… tonight._ "

Elsa walked over to the refrigerator, determined to distract herself by getting out a glass, and then the chocolate milk that they bought last night, letting it dribble in, turning her back to Anna.

_The way you can cut a rug_

_Watching you is the only drug I need_

_So gangster, I'm so thug_

_You're the only one I'm dreaming of_

Arms encircled her waist, and a chin rested on her shoulder. "I want to hear you sing the next part," Anna whispered into Elsa's ear, breath pleasantly tickling the fine platinum strands of her neckline.

_You see, I can be myself now finally,_

Not fair. The line in reality should have struck a chord in her, but Elsa's thoughts were so thoroughly arrested by the sensation of Anna's front pressed flush against her back that the milk overflowed in her glass and spilled out onto the countertop. She started and reached for a paper towel to wipe up her spill, grateful for the distraction.

_In fact there's nothing I can't be—_

She was in the middle of mulling over the truth of those words when she accidentally hit a button on the radio when she reached over it, cutting off the music. "Dammit! Oops," she muttered under her breath. "Sorry," she mumbled at her sister, who had turned her attention back to the frying pan.

"Don't worry about it," Anna replied lightheartedly.

Upon cleaning up her mess, she pivoted on her good foot to see Anna holding out a plate of fried eggs for her. She smiled, touched by the notion that Anna had gotten up early to make breakfast for her. "You could've just boiled them," she said, heart aching for her sister when she thought of her own first attempt at cracking an egg and frying it in a pan. It had been at Oxford, and she was making dinner for herself when the chef had suddenly called in sick. Needless to say, she hadn't been very successful.

"I wanted to try," Anna returned her smile, handing her a fork.

She graciously accepted the offered utensil and took a bite of egg. And was suddenly overcome with the desire to spit it out and take a drink of water. It was too salty, and if that were the only thing wrong with it Elsa would have just swallowed it.  _Crunch!_  Her teeth hit something hard and she realized it was probably a piece of eggshell.

"How is it?" Anna looked at her expectantly.

Elsa remembered the unpleasant mini explosions of oil that had sprung out of the pan on her first attempt, leaving small burns on her forearms, and there was no doubt in her mind that Anna had suffered the same for her. She forced herself to smile again, despite the disagreeable taste in her mouth. She swallowed. "It's delicious. Thank you."

Anna's smile grew wider and her eyes sparkled at the praise. "Really?! Let me try it!" She extended an arm to reacquire the plate.

"No!" Elsa held it away from her. "I want it all."

"Oh, come on; just a bite."

Elsa did her best to keep the plate away from Anna, but alas, her mobility was restricted and the redhead quickly managed to reclaim the food. Elsa panicked, and tried again to retrieve the plate, but Anna hopped away from her, getting out a fork, and took a bite.

Elsa grimaced as Anna's expression changed to one of disgust and she promptly spat out her mouthful into the sink. "Blegh! Ew! I must have put in too much salt!" she cried sheepishly, as she realized Elsa's lie. She looked at Elsa apologetically, "Sorry! Sorry! I shouldn't have given you this. At least, I should have tried it first."

Elsa shook her head, and limped forward, fingers against the countertops for support, "I think it's fine." She motioned for Anna to hand her the plate.

Anna stared at her incredulously, "No! I can't let you eat this! It's disgusting!" She moved toward the garbage can with the intention of throwing away the offending meal.

"I want it, Anna! Give me it!" Elsa insisted, grabbing onto the other end of the circular plate, trying to tug it out of Anna's grasp.

"No! I'm throwing it out! It's gross!" A pull in the opposite direction.

"I  _said_ , I want it! Give it! If you don't want it, I do!" Elsa argued, yanking at the ceramic.

Suddenly, Anna froze and stared at her as if she had sprouted an antenna at the top of her head, eyes wide and full of wonder. Elsa blinked in surprise and looked down, self-conscious under Anna's searching glance.

"You love me!" Anna exclaimed, mouth open. "You really, really love me!"

Elsa met her gaze. "I do," she said. She had decided she was going to be clear. Crystal clear. The voice that had constantly reminded her that they were sisters had been mercilessly smothered by the weight of her feelings, back in the study.

Anna deliberated, and then asked, "Which kind?"

A smile spread across Elsa's lips, and she allowed her eyes to fill with the kind of warmth that was spreading from her heart when she half-sang, " _I want the world to see you be… with me._ "


	32. Firsts

She was vehemently regretting asking Elsa that question. What if she wasn't ready to answer? Anna reminded herself that she had decided to give Elsa space. More like, she wasn't ready to face rejection again, not after the soul crushing experience of that first time. She was about to take back her question, to tell Elsa that she didn't have to answer that, when she heard  _it_.

A half-sung line.

The plate dropped to the ground with a shattering crash, but Anna was too shocked out of her mind to do anything about it. Not because of the fact that Elsa had completely caught her off-guard with that line. Not because of the mind-blowing, toe-warming, tingly confirmation that Elsa did love her, in at least in one way or another.

In fact, she was pretty sure she was still dreaming, that this was another fantasy, and any moment now an annoyed Elsa was going to be shaking her awake, chastising her for sleeping like a damned sloth. She would have pinched herself too, and she really wanted to do so, except her entire body seemed entirely disconnected from her brain and she couldn't exercise any sort of control at all. She briefly wondered how she was still standing—she couldn't feel anything except the quickening thrum of her ribcage.

What did Elsa just say? Or rather, sing. And it was such an incredible sight, too—Elsa standing against the powdery white quartz countertop that was just marginally paler than herself, bathed in the sunlight that was bouncing off the snowy walls of the living room, her loose platinum blond locks aglow, radiating a warmth that only Anna knew (or at least, she hoped). Elsa's words were ricocheting around in Anna's head, leaving a path of blankness and disorientation in their wake, and Anna was trying to make sense of them through the dense cloud of excitement that the words had wrought.

_I want the world to see you be with me._

Did that mean what she thought it meant? The operative word in that sentence was 'be' and Anna suddenly couldn't remember what its definition was. Why were the small words in English always the hardest to define? To be: to live, to exist, to take place, to happen, to occur, to continue, to…

Yet none of those words, none of them replacing 'be' in that sentence would make any sense whatsoever.

Unless… Anna dared to hope… that it meant… reciprocation?

She barely noticed that Elsa had turned her attention to the shattered ceramic pieces on the floor. She blinked, snapping back to the present, barely believing that this was not a dream. Well, if it was a dream, she would enjoy it.

Elsa seemed confused. "Are you okay, Anna?" She asked, as she bent over, one hand elegantly resting on the ivory counter, to gather up the broken pieces and toss them into the trash.

Anna realized she was staring, and had been for a long time, when she finally regained some miniscule portion of her grasp on reality. "Cl-clarification," she heard herself say, "please." That was about all she could manage.

Elsa straightened and tactfully took in Anna's stiff form, comprehension followed by regret and guilt tinting the oceanic depths of her eyes as she held Anna's bewildered stare. Still, Anna could do nothing but watch as a parade of emotions sauntered across Elsa's features—each one representing a different thought? Remorse reigned above all, doubt a close second, then some mix of caution, worry, grief, more caution, until Elsa closed her eyes and opened them again—and all the hesitation was gone. What once was cloudy was now clear, blindingly clear like the sun burning the cerulean of the midsummer sky, so intense that Anna felt the urge to look away. Yet, somehow, it was gentle at the same time.

Elsa took a step toward her, fingers lightly brushing the smooth stone of the countertop as she, despite her injured leg, moved with unparalleled fluidity. But Anna's brain was far too fried by Elsa's actions in the past couple of minutes to even have the capacity to envy her grace.

"Don't move." The command was a cleverly disguised one, hidden by soft intonation and lacking any characteristic of an imperative, save for the words themselves.

It wasn't like Anna could have moved anyways, command or not; her mind was still floating carelessly up in space, neglecting to issue any sort of order to her rigid form. Her joints were stiff, back straight (straighter than her usual posture, anyway), and knees locked, or she would have tumbled straight to the floor. Frighteningly atypical of her to not be performing any sort of fidgeting or shifting whatsoever.

But the way Elsa was looking at her, a piercing brilliance that she couldn't define, made her heart thud incessantly against her ribcage—and it was just the way Elsa was looking at her.

_Not fair._

She promptly forgot how to breathe when she felt a warm hand—Elsa's, probably, seeing as there was no one else—cup one side of her jaw, fingers sliding against her nape, firm but tender. How did Elsa do that? Demand obedience so easily, but all the while displaying the most heartwarming care.

Elsa leaned closer, and Anna didn't have any brain functions left to cease—breathing, cognition, movement had all swiftly been kicked out the door—so all she could do was stare into the endless stretch of azure sky in Elsa's mesmerizing eyes while their lips slowly came to be within an inch of one another.

But Elsa stopped, and their lips didn't touch, although so close that Anna could faintly taste fresh mint mixed with sweet saltiness on the breath that fell on her lips. Anna would have closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around Elsa, pressed their bodies together, if she wasn't still entertaining the notion that this was a dream and any movement whatsoever would irreversibly disrupt this perfect moment.

There was warmth on her cheeks—a side effect from having Elsa so close to her, and the only thing that she could register aside from the thumping that was reverberating in her ears was Elsa's hooded eyes, beautiful blue eyes, crystal clear, and the distance between her own eyes and those magically hypnotizing ones so miniscule that she could count each fluttering eyelash as Elsa blinked. Which was something that Anna should have also considered doing, if she weren't still convinced that this was a dream.

Another hand held the other side of Anna's face, thumb lightly brushing her cheek, as Elsa leaned  _even_  closer. Then she hovered, and their lips were barely touching, but not really. Anna's breathing abruptly became ragged—a consequence of forgetting to breathe—and she was already feeling rather lightheaded. Their lips weren't even touching! How could one person have this strong of an effect on her?

They stayed like that for the next couple of seconds that felt like an eternity to Anna, with Elsa's lips lingering a hair's width away from her own. She lost focus of everything else, and dared to blink in anticipation of a fantasy. This was a dream, after all. Right?

And then Elsa's lids lowered even more, and she slowly brushed her lips against Anna's, lightly, along the length of Anna's mouth, with almost no pressure behind the contact, in only the gentlest of strokes. Anna's face warmed even more in response under Elsa's palms, and Elsa's lips stretched into a slight smile; Anna could feel it.

God, she could feel it. And it was all she could feel. It was as if her brain decided to sever every nerve save for the ones connected to her lips. And they were on  _fire_. All she could register was the softness that brushed across her mouth and back, leaving a tingly burn in its wake. She would have shuddered at the pleasure if she still weren't afraid of waking up.

Her lips parted to drink in more of Elsa's scent, inhaling the sweet aroma of peaches on her shampoo, the fresh fragrance of roses on her cleanser, and a whiff of orange blossom on her perfume. Anna was getting dizzy, and she most likely would have fainted if this weren't a dream.

Elsa kissed her upper lip, then her lower one, touching each one with a tenderness that was fit for blown glass, the very thing Anna had insisted that she was not. It felt so real, but it couldn't be, could it?

These kisses were not heated but stirring, not desperate but intense, not lustful, but  _loving_ , strikingly unlike any kiss they'd shared before, so deliberate, yet still sending an inflamed tingle to the pit of Anna's stomach.

Elsa had never kissed her like this before. Never, in any dream, had Elsa kissed her this carefully, this purposefully, this delicately before.

This couldn't be a dream.

Suddenly, Anna heard it. She heard what Elsa was trying to tell her. The kiss carried with it a sense of longing, yearning, with a hint of desire, but not lust. There was love. Love so warm that it sizzled across every one of Anna's nerves, that it nestled into the void of her soul and filled her to the brim with euphoria.

Love.

Elsa loved her.

This was not a dream.

Elsa loved her.

She was about to react, after finally accepting that this was not a dream, despite feeling extremely floaty and blown-away, when Elsa halted and pulled away. Anna's eyes flew open in disapproval, but she managed to wrap her arms around Elsa's neck to prevent the distance between them from increasing. "Again," she demanded, eyes fluttering shut expectantly.

And Elsa willingly obliged, just as softly and as chaste as before, and the gesture was so lovingly calm that it was as if Elsa was only showing her a miniscule fragment of her feelings, like there was an infinite reserve being held back. Anna had only been shown the surface of a serene ocean, with endless power hidden underneath. No, not hidden. Restrained.

Anna's brow furrowed in protest as Elsa moved away, for the kiss had been too short, too quick, too calm to satisfy all the reciprocation Anna wanted to give. "Again," she complained, eyes still closed, lower lip jutting out in a pout.

Elsa kissed her forehead instead, mouth curved in a smile, a hand sliding along Anna's jaw to gently thumb her bottom lip back in place, and Anna's eyes opened again in displeasure. She wanted more, more,  _more_ , she wanted Elsa to show her more, to whisper more secrets past their lips, to fulfill the yearning in those wistful kisses.

So she tightened her hold on Elsa's neck and pulled her sister down, lips closer to her own, heart aching to turn those melancholy kisses into happy ones, but Elsa's firm hands stemmed her fervor.

"That's enough," Elsa murmured, cool breath brushing the sensitive skin of Anna's lips, before unlatching Anna's arms from around her neck and stepping away.

Enough? How in the world was that enough? To Anna, that was nowhere near enough; she wanted nothing more than to lock onto Elsa and kiss her so passionately that it wiped all traces of regret, guilt, and any other negative emotion Elsa came up with off the face of the planet.

"You love me," Anna said, voice coming out in a hoarse rasp when she tried to raise it above a whisper. Her face was so hot that she wanted to fan herself, but decided that that would be even more super-embarrassing. She looked up to see Elsa nodding.

"Yes," the blonde affirmed, a smile lingering on her features.

Anna's heart was doing jumps, flips, leaps. Somersaults. "You really love me."

"Yes," Elsa replied patiently.

"Really?"

"Yes," the older girl answered again, leaning onto an elbow resting on the counter.

"Really-really?"

This time, Elsa rolled her eyes, " _Yes_."

"I'm not dreaming?" Anna blurted. Although the warmth of the kiss was seared into her mind, she was still the type to need verbal confirmation. Actually, she had half a mind to ask Elsa to pinch her.

Elsa's smile spread from reassuring to villainous, "Do you dream about this often?"

Anna's face burned impossibly hotter at the playful jab, because of how true the embedded statement was. Ever since Elsa's departure three years ago, ever since Elsa's return, ever since Ariel's question, ever since the prom, soccer game, gala, and kidnapping, Anna's nights had been beset by the fantasies of kisses Elsa would never give, words Elsa would never say, love Elsa would never feel, in the form of dreams, thoughts, nightmares, always permeating her mind in some way or another.

But before Elsa could write off her blushing silence as nonverbal consensus, she deflected, "Then why did you stop?"

Elsa bit her lip—god, Anna wished she would never do that, because every time she did, well— _let's not get carried away, okay?_  Anna berated herself, as she waited for Elsa's reply. Nevertheless, she couldn't help thinking,  _would she mind_ not _doing that? Because the things it does to me—_

"I don't want to mess things up any more than I already have," Elsa sighed, looking defeated as she tore her eyes away and traced imaginary circles on the quartz countertop instead.

Anna's heart fell at the statement and the guilt in Elsa's eyes. Did Elsa still see this as a mistake? Did she regret the kisses that they've shared? Reluctantly, Anna took a step closer. "Do you—do you still think this is wrong?"

Elsa shook her head, golden locks falling across her eyes as she stared at the floor dejectedly. "I don't know, Anna. I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I don't know what I should do anymore." She ran a hand through her hair, raking back platinum bangs and chuckled at herself. "I wish this was as easy as deciding the toppings for a pizza, or choosing the flavour of chocolate to put in a cake." She looked at Anna, blue eyes shining with apology and conflict. "But I do know that I can't lose you again. That I can't hurt you anymore. That I don't want to lie to you anymore."

Cold steel ripped its way into Anna's chest as a particular realization dawned on her. "Would you have hidden your feelings from me forever? If I didn't… feel the same?"

And the solid metal gripped even tighter when Elsa smiled at her and declared, "Of course."

Didn't Elsa ever want happiness for herself? Why was Elsa so damned altruistic? It drove Anna insane with misery as she pictured Elsa smiling for her as she went on dates with other people, as she kissed other people, as she fell in love with someone else, moved out, got married, had kids. It killed her to think that Elsa would never have tried to pursue her, that Elsa would have always put Anna's needs before anyone else's, that Elsa would most likely have just  _smiled_  and  _waved_  if Anna ever left her, if she was sure that Anna would have been happy, all the while maintaining the charade that she was glad and content and joyful for Anna, when, in fact, she would be dying inside. Or maybe she wouldn't, because that was what made Elsa so beautiful, was that she would gladly stomach her own pain if it meant Anna's happiness.

Which she had already been doing for years prior. God, since she was  _six_ , Elsa had been suffering silently and enduring in solitude, pretending that she was okay, so that Anna wouldn't be concerned about her and have to share in her burden.

That was the extent of Elsa's love for her.

The thought was both heartwarming and heartbreaking.

Then something else occurred to her. "Would you have pretended that you feel the same… if I did… and you didn't?"

Elsa looked at her solidly, hurt bleeding into her pale blue irises. "Is that what you think? That I'm pretending because it's what you want?"

Anna blanched.  _A++ in how-to-offend-your-sister._ She shook her head rapidly, trying to immediately dispel any doubt that she may have returned to Elsa's mind with that poorly worded question. "No! No, that's not what I think!" The way Elsa had kissed her… it was every form of genuine. "No, of course not. No. No!"

How could she explain it? How could she word it so that Elsa would understand? It was just… it hurt her to even think about it. In fact, it made her want to kick over another table. It was a good thing that they didn't have any furniture in the living room for her to punish.

It was just one thing. One thing about Elsa that she had always been too stupid to see.

That Elsa would have done anything to make her happy. Even if that meant keeping everything inside forever. Anna could see that now. And that Elsa would have been whatever Anna needed her to be. Even if that meant willingly pretending, lying, suffering, forcing herself to be who she wasn't.

Because Elsa was like that.

Because Elsa was the little girl in Anna's memories who let herself be dragged around, drenched in mischief, fully knowing what punishment awaited her, yet eagerly agreeing to do the same thing again the next time.

That must have been so hard. So hard. Pretending to have fun, pretending to be okay, pretending to smile, all the while  _knowing_  what her father would do to her. For her stupid, oblivious, selfish sister.

How could Elsa still smile at Anna in light of everything she's been through? How could Elsa not be embittered by all the mistreatment and misjudgment that she's had to endure, from her entire family? How was Elsa still able to love?

Somehow, Elsa hadn't let it get to her. She didn't let it break her. She had every right to be angry and resentful at the entire world, but she wasn't. She was the exact opposite, kind, caring, compassionate, understanding.

Perfect.

…  _And so_ deserving _of love._

Anna launched herself at Elsa, who up until then had defensively crossed her arms over her midsection as she dejectedly waited for Anna's explanation. Elsa had been completely unprepared for her assault, and the impact caused them both to land in a heap against the cinnamon-coloured flooring.

"—Ow." Elsa groaned, rubbing her back where it had first made contact with the hardwood finish. Thankfully, her leg was okay; it was more her behind that had absorbed the full brunt of the fall.

"I'm sorry," Anna whispered, and hoped Elsa would somehow know that it wasn't for knocking her over. "That's not what I meant."

Elsa looked down at the clump of red hair against her shoulder. Anna's weight was mostly on the floor beside her, but limbs were strewn over her body, clutching at her tightly. "It's okay?" The answer came out as a question, because she wasn't sure what Anna was apologizing for, and she sounded more bewildered than hurt by Anna's sudden attack. "If you're apologizing for suddenly jumping me, well, then you owe me a box of chocolates for my sore behind."

"I love you," Anna muttered, burying her face against Elsa's shoulder. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. How can I ever make up for what I've done to you?"

"You could stop apologizing," Anna heard Elsa sigh.

Elsa was right; apologizing fixed absolutely nothing. But there was no consolation, no compensation that Anna could give her, and that made everything even worse.

"You have one more wish left," Elsa exhaled into the despairing air. "Have you decided what you want?"

Anna's ears twitched at the change of subject. Elsa was right again, dwelling on it wouldn't change anything either. She grinned; Elsa always made it so easy for her to smile again. "I have, O leprechaun sister of mine," she declared lightly.

"God, please don't make that a habit," Elsa grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Well? What is it?"

"A date."

* * *

"A date! Hoooooooooooh my God, what the hell was I thinking?" Anna paced back and forth, hyperventilating in an exaggerated manner, in front of Ariel at the coffee shop where she was supposed to meet Elsa in thirty minutes. Elsa had gone to the office, to pick something up or drop something off; Anna hadn't really been listening at that point, after Elsa had agreed to her request.

Ariel was fighting the urge to slap a palm to her forehead in exasperation. " _That's_  what you called me out here for? I'm glad you two  _finally_  got together, but, Anna, is a date with Elsa something you need to be stressing over?"

"Yes!" Anna almost screamed, drawing the attention of the other patrons in the café.

" _Why_?" Ariel yelled back at her, disbelief forming a thick coat around the question.

They both ignored the glares that were flung their way.

"Because!" Anna's arms flailed aimlessly in her anxiety. "I don't—I don't  _know_  her!"

Ariel stared at her as if she'd sprouted a third eye in the middle of her forehead. "You don't know her? If you don't know her, who does? Anna, you've known her your entire life. No one knows her better than you!"

"Dahhh! I've known her my whole life!" Anna exclaimed, as if the fact was shocking news to her. She placed her hands on her cheeks and pulled them down, wailing, "But I still don't know  _her_ , Ariel! What if we have nothing in common? What if she finds me boring? What if she regrets her decision? What if—"

"Anna! Will you please calm down!"

"We have nothing in common!" Anna gasped as it suddenly dawned on her that she and Elsa were basically from different worlds. "I know nothing about what she does, and I never have! Oh, my god, why didn't I pay more attention during my lessons? Gahhh!"

"Anna, did you ask Elsa on a date thinking that you'd be talking about violin lessons or ballet lessons?"

"I don't know! I didn't pay attention during either!"

Ariel's hands scraped the table in exasperation, polished fingernails making a scratching noise. "You're missing the point! Elsa's not going to care what you learned during your lessons! She  _wants_  to spend time with you, Anna!"

Anna sucked in an audible breath. "Huuuuuughhh what if there are a lot of awkward silences?" Her eyes widened. "What if I say something stupid? What if she doesn't want to be seen in public with me?"

"Anna, calm your tits!"

"My tits are never calm!" Anna blurted, and clamped a hand over her mouth as she realized what she had just shrieked in front of a dozen other people, then buried her face in her hands. "Why did I say that? Oh god, Elsa will never want to be seen with me!"

Ariel had covered her mouth with a hand as well, shaking uncontrollably with silent laughter. "Anna, Elsa loves you for you; she knows what kind of person you are. She has for almost nineteen years. You've been alone with her a million times before. It'll just be like that, except you guys love each other even more now. So you need to just calm down."

Anna let out a heavy puff of depression.

Ariel shifted in her seat, "Why don't you tell me what's  _really_  bothering you?"

"I can't give her anything, Ariel!" Anna blubbered, arms flailing again. "She's so perfect, and I'm nowhere near good enough for her! All I can do is apologize for all the trouble I've caused her, and it does  _nothing_!"

Ariel watched her, listening intently.

Anna looked at the ground. "And it makes me feel so… useless. I've never been able to do anything for her. She looks so sad every time I say sorry, but it's all I can do."

Ariel tilted her head, pondering thoughtfully. "Then don't say sorry," she suggested simply.

Anna threw her a conflicted look. "What do I say, then?"

Grinning, Ariel gestured for Anna to come closer, and yanked the younger girl down so that she could whisper something in her ear.

When Anna pulled away, looking inspired, Ariel added, "Your sister isn't always perfect, you know. She's human too."

* * *

Elsa was having one of those not-perfect moments, stiffly marching back and forth between the two opposite walls of her office, arms crossed, trying not to panic.

A date. Anna wanted a date. Oh god. Elsa had never been on a real date before. In her two weeks of going out with Ariel, they hadn't really had time for going on dates, swamped under piles and piles of papers. They only had time for short kisses in the brief moments they had alone, both of them too exhausted at the end of the day for anything more.

Elsa was aware that she was socially challenged. She missed social cues like a batter whiffing a baseball. And now Anna knew how she felt. How was this  _not_  going to be awkward?

How did she spend time with Anna alone before? She couldn't remember anymore. She suddenly longed for those easygoing times where they'd snuggled up together on the couch in the theatre room of Arendelle Manor, just enjoying the silence and comfort of one another's presence.

But she did want this with Anna, didn't she? Elsa wanted to be with her so much that it hurt. Like there was some sort of gravity pulling them together, threatening to rip her in half if she dared to resist.

But, ugh,  _romance_. Elsa didn't have a romantic bone in her body. What little knowledge she had of romantic gestures stemmed from the limited romantic comedies that she had watched with Anna in the six months before her departure to Oxford.

She knew that was what Anna would want, though. It was obvious enough from the way the younger girl's eyes always lit up with joy during the fairytale stories about princes and balls and magic that Elsa always read to her in their childhood. Anna had always been the one who fantasized about romantic candlelight dinners, sunset strolls on the docks, bouquets of red roses, and dramatic marriage proposals.

And corny  _I love you's_  on white sand beaches. Elsa almost shuddered at the thought. How did people in movies always throw out  _I love you's_  so easily like the words were commercial advertisements? To Elsa, words meant absolutely nothing. Words and promises, spoken agreements, they were so easily broken. Easily warped, bended, changed, to suit the situation. Actions were concrete proof, and spoke a thousand times louder than words.

Those three puny words were not enough to embody what she felt for Anna, anyway. Barely a scrap of her feelings. That was why she hadn't said it, but shown it to Anna earlier that morning.

She was pleased with herself about that, as well. Those kisses had taken strenuous effort to control them, to not let them escalate into something more intense, more crushing, more representative of what she felt. She had told herself if she really loved Anna, then she would demonstrate discipline, to show herself that she wouldn't let this feeling dominate her like it had so many times before.

And she was pleasantly surprised with the result.

But she had also been afraid, like she always was, of Anna turning against her, being disgusted with her, if Elsa had really shown her just how deep these feelings ran. She didn't want her sister to be crushed by the weight of the incestuous love she harboured, taking extra care to temper her movements, to always be gentle.

Mark entered her office then, carrying a missive. "The Board requests a meeting with you on Monday," he told her. "They want to know where you plan to take this company. I think they'd like a business proposal."

The Board. She tried not to scowl at the mention of the nine other abominable copies of her mother that sat around a conference table every other week, discussing how incompetent the CEO was.

"Gustav has already started to research the current events on them," Mark continued.

She sighed. Of course he would. It was what her mother had trained all her PA's to do. Find out any possible leverage that could be dangled in front of them during negotiations to induce obedience, should they decide to disagree with her decisions. That was how Alana had kept the seat of CEO and Chairwoman for the Arendelle family since her father's death. Their family may have owned the largest portion of the company shares, but the shares of the rest of the Board combined would be enough to overrule them,  _if_  the rest of Board were ever in consensus.

Elsa pushed unpleasant thoughts about having to read more biographies and news reports aside, hastily nodding her acknowledgement.

"Is there anything else you need?" He asked her, placing the letter on her desk.

There was, but she hesitated to speak it. Was she really considering requesting relationship advice from her PA? Well, it wasn't as if he would be suspicious that she was going on a date with  _her sister_ ; the rest of the world still thought she was straight, ha. She sighed.

Oh, what the hell? Might as well ask, right? He would have more experience wooing women than she did, anyway. She gave him a scrutinizing stare, which made him look down at his polished leather shoes. "This is not business-related, but…"

"Yes?" He looked at her.

"If you liked someone, what would you do to get them to like you?"

His brows scrunched together in confusion. Then, a slight look of amusement crossed his face, "Is there someone you like, President?"

She flushed, and quickly turned her back to him, swiftly grabbing the letter on the desk for a distraction. "Forget it; pretend I never asked."

There was shifting of fabric as shoulders shrugged. "I would buy her gifts, for a start. Oh, but you're talking about a man, aren't you? It really depends on the person, Ms. Elsa. I would say, find out what they like and dislike, then do things accordingly. Make friends, first."

_We've been friends her whole life._

What did Anna like? With a sinking feeling, Elsa realized she didn't really know. She knew Anna's favourite animal, colour, season, but she didn't really know what to do to make her happy. It was way past the age for gifting crayons, and Elsa wasn't going to let Anna keep a sloth in the house. Anna liked movies, right? But gifting movies was so dull and uncreative. She wanted to bash her head against the desk; her brain wasn't doing her any good anyway.

With a start, she noticed the time, and stuffed the letter into her purse. "I'll see you Monday, Mark. Call me if anything comes up."

"Of course. Good luck, President," he smiled at her, and then turned to leave.

* * *

The café where she was supposed to meet Anna was only a few blocks from the office building, so thankfully Elsa wasn't late, despite being hindered by her injured leg. She stepped into the shop, greeted with the scent of freshly ground coffee beans, searching for Anna among the rounded birch tables and booths. The shop was surprisingly empty, so she found  _two_  redheads seated near a corner. Wait, two?

Ariel noticed her, and waved, saying a goodbye to Anna, and wheeled herself in Elsa's direction. She looked at Elsa pointedly, "I'm glad you finally told her, Elsa. But what did you  _do_  to her? Why is she so nervous about this?"

 _Anna_  was nervous about this? Elsa was practically having heart attacks her entire walk to the store, as she conjured up images where she would say something stupid, and disillusion Anna even more. "I didn't…" she stammered.

Ariel waved her off, "Forget it. Just do something about it." She looked like she was about to disclose something else, but shook her head. "Have fun!"

Anna blinked up at her as Elsa approached the table. "Hi!"

There was something off about her voice, like it was too high, much higher than normal—like she was  _trying_  to sound cheerful. Elsa raised an eyebrow, but smiled. "Hi."

"I got you a hot chocolate," Anna said, offering her a cup.

Elsa sat. "Thanks." She stared at her sister; Anna had changed out of her t-shirt and shorts from this morning into a light green summer dress, the lack of sleeves exposing the constellation of freckles on the girl's arms and shoulders. Her eyes then met Anna's, and, having been caught staring, she turned her gaze to a scratch on the birch table, face already warming.

An awkward silence descended over them.

 _Oh god, she's probably super-bored already. Come on; say something interesting, you sorry excuse for a human being. Make conversation; you know how to do that, right? Talk about the weather. Talk about_ something _. Before she regrets being here with you._

Elsa's thoughts prompted her to raise her head, meeting Anna's eyes, and she found them fixated on her. A blush crept onto Anna's cheeks, and then it was the younger girl's turn to look down.

Another silence polluted the air of the table.

"Um—" Elsa began.

"Uh—" Anna said at the same time.

Another silence.

"You first," Elsa prompted.

Anna shook her head. "No, you first."

This, at least, she knew how to handle. Elsa sported a lopsided smirk. "Settle this the usual way?"

Anna grinned back at her. "Rock—"

"Paper—"

"Scissors!"

Elsa was paper. Anna was rock.

 _How befitting,_  Elsa thought. "I win. You first."

"What? I thought—"

"You first," Elsa insisted.

Anna's posture was hunched, hands in her lap, shoulders slanting in a depressed manner.

The tension was back, as thick as coagulated blood. What tension? Elsa wondered. Why the hell was there tension between them, best friends, sisters, who'd known each other their entire lives. How could there possibly be tension between them?

"I was just gonna say… if this is uncomfortable for you, you don't have to stay." Anna tucked a stray lock of strawberry-blond behind her ear.

God, what made Anna think that this was uncomfortable for Elsa? She hooked her good leg around the leg of the chair, shuffling closer.

"What I was trying to say this morning was…" Looking at her lap, Anna began fiddling nervously with one of her braids, "You've always done things for me. But I don't want you to do that anymore. I don't want you to be doing things that make you unhappy, because you think it'll make me happy. You need to live for yourself, Elsa."

The corner of Elsa's mouth twitched. "I don't regret doing any of the things I did for you, Anna. Except the… unfortunate incident at the gala. I do regret that."

Anna flinched at the mention of the gala. "I don't blame you for that, Elsa. I don't blame you for anything you've done, because you've done it all for what you thought was my best interest. Even though some of them were questionable, but still. You did your best. And sor—"

Elsa grimacing, bracing herself for another round of apologies that would only cast more guilt into the pit of her heart. She'd had enough of Anna saying those words to her, looking tortured, anguished, as she apologized to remedy the crimes she didn't commit.

But it never came.

"And thank you," Anna said instead, guilt melting into an appreciative smile. " _Thank you_  for doing all that for me. Thank you for being my big sister, for always being there for me when I need you. For saving me, not just once."

For some reason, a huge weight was lifted off of Elsa's shoulders as soon as she heard those words. Relieved. She was relieved. She was relieved because this meant that she hadn't failed, she hadn't failed as a sister, she hadn't failed as a friend. This was the first time in her life when someone had ever thanked her for just  _being_. And of course that someone would be Anna.

She felt herself smiling along with her sister, because what could she say? Anna's smiles were always dangerously contagious. "You've done more for me than you know, Anna, so I was just returning the favour."

Elsa watched as her sister's posture relaxed, and added coolly, "So, what do people do on first dates?"

Anna leaned an elbow onto the table, swirling the hot chocolate in her cup with her other hand, looking thoughtful. "I think it's the time people take to get to know one another."

An idea occurred to Elsa then, and she couldn't help but grin at the idea. "Do you want to play a game?"

Excitement snuck its way onto Anna's features, and the redhead lit up with anticipation. "What kind of game?"

"Well, we've known each other our whole lives, so I was thinking, we do the reverse of what normal people do. I'll ask you questions about me, and you ask me questions about you. Whoever can answer the most, wins."

Anna's smile grew wider. "So it's like a competition, then," she clarified.

Yes, Anna loved competitions, and Elsa could never deny them to her simply because of the way her eyes and face radiated exuberance at the prospect. Age had not changed that very much, Elsa noted. "Yes," she relented, "Like a competition."

Quickly, the redhead produced a pen and began scribbling something on a paper napkin on front of her. Elsa leaned on the table to get a better view of what she was writing. Their first initials, she realized. So Anna was really going to keep score. Elsa shouldn't have been surprised.

"You first," Anna suggested, "since I went first last time."

Elsa looked at the ceiling. She would start off with an easy one then. "What's my favourite colour?"

Anna laughed at her. "That's easy; it's blue!" Before Elsa could speak, she elaborated, "Not just any blue. You like the dark blue of morning just before dawn, just before the sky's awake."

The younger girl was already giving herself a point when Elsa admitted, "Right. Your turn, then."

Anna tapped her chin with the end of the pen, following the trend of easy questions. "What's my favourite animal?"

Elsa had just been thinking about this earlier. "Sloths," she bit back a laugh, "Because you envy how they sleep sixteen hours a day. You were a lazy bum, huh?"

Anna flicked the pen on the napkin. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that so you don't have to face the fires of my wrath. One-one. Your turn."

Okay, time to up the difficulty, "Hmmm. What's my favourite song?"

Anna snorted. "Do you even need to ask? It's  _Hakuna Matata_. I still hear you humming it when you take your showers. Okay, my turn." After giving herself a point, she announced, "I've got one! What's my favourite season?"

Elsa had been thinking about this one, too, "Winter."

"Dammit," Anna muttered to herself, giving Elsa another check. "Do you know why?" she asked, tone cautious.

"Snowmen? Snowball fights? Snow?"

Anna shook her head, looking wistful. "It was the only time Dad would let me play with you."

Elsa had considered that, but thought it would be too arrogant of her to attribute herself as the cause. "Oh." Winter breaks were the only holidays too short that Elsa couldn't start any long-term lessons, and long enough so that she would have time for both studying and playing.

"Your turn," Anna prodded her hand with the pen, unwilling to dwell on the memory. "Hurry up."

"My favourite food, besides chocolate?"

Sipping her chocolate at the mention of chocolate, Anna declared, "Ice cream!"

Elsa rolled her eyes, "Not everything I like is sweet, Anna. I like fruits and vegetables, too."

"Watermelon?"

"Stop guessing what  _you_  like."

Anna smirked, "Snow cones."

Elsa wanted very badly to snort. "You're still guessing what you like."

"We're sisters; I can't be far off," Anna grumbled, "So what is it?"

Elsa adopted a very mischievous countenance. "You were right with ice cream. I just wanted to see what else you'd guess."

That elicited a deadly glare from her sister, who grunted, "You just lost a point for that."

"Hey! Who says?"

Anna stuck her tongue out. " _I_  say. Is there a problem?"

Elsa crossed her arms and sat back in her seat, wondering where her air of authority was when she needed it. It seemed to flee at the first sign of Anna. "No."

"Since you were so unsportsmanlike with the last question, I'm going to give you a hard one. What is my earliest memory?"

"Only you know that!"

"Then tell me yours."

Elsa took a sip from her cup. "Are we deviating from the game?"

Anna shrugged. "I can't help it; I'm actually curious."

That was understandable. Elsa racked her brain for an answer, sifting through years of books and bookshelves, toys and people, until she finally reached one. She closed her eyes, concentrating, trying to remember the details. "I think… it was when we first met, actually."

Anna quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? Didn't we meet when I was born?"

"No," Elsa said. She could remember this much, because Gerda had told her. "You were born in Norway, and Mother brought you to Vancouver when you were one and a half, or so Gerda said."

"One and a half?"

Elsa nodded, "I don't know why," she added, anticipating Anna's next question. "But if you want to know of our first meeting, I'll tell you. It was somewhat an unforgettable experience for me." Although she didn't remember more than bits and pieces of it, she remembered the most important part.

Shuffling in her seat, Anna leaned her weight onto her elbows on the table, excited for a story.

_Gerda was leading a three-year-old Elsa into her baby sister's room. Such a young Elsa hadn't understood the meaning of having a sister yet; she just thought she was going to meet a new friend, someone to play with._

" _Your sister is very young, Elsa, so you have to be nice to her," Gerda said to her, as they rounded the corner to Anna's room. "And she can't speak, yet."_

" _But why?" Elsa asked, wide-eyed and curious._

" _She hasn't learned how to speak yet, Elsa. Your mother was busy in Norway with other things, so she hasn't had the time to teach your sister how to talk properly," Gerda explained. "It's just like you how you have to learn the alphabet."_

_Gerda pushed open the door to Anna's room. Elsa didn't remember much else about it, only that Anna's crib was in the middle, and Elsa had heard soft cooing coming from it. Gerda had probably found a stool for her to stand on, so she could lean over the side of the crib and get a good look at her sister._

_Elsa remembered wide, trusting eyes, more green than blue, unlike the teal they were now. She remembered noting that this girl, her 'sister', had looked so vulnerable, so delicate. Elsa had peered over the edge of the crib, curious, and Anna had smiled back at her, soft, plump mouth pulled back in a laugh, the precious sound still ringing in Elsa's ears._

_Anna made noises at her, and Elsa hadn't understood. "What is she saying?" She asked Gerda._

" _She hasn't said a real word yet. She's a bit of a late bloomer," Gerda had murmured softly. "She can only make these noises. Why don't you teach her to speak?"_

_So Elsa had turned to the child, her sister, in the crib, and grinned, "Hi, my name is Elsa. I'm your big sister."_

_Anna made more unintelligible noises at her, and Elsa giggled at her effort. "That's right; my name is Elsa."_

" _Ah-sah," the bundle of red hair had cooed. "Ehl-sah."_

_And at that moment, it was as if all time had frozen over. Elsa hadn't understood the entire meaning of it at that time, but she had felt something. She felt special. And she had never loved her name more than that moment, when it was so adorably uttered from the mouth of her sister._

Anna took in a sharp breath. "You mean—"

"That's right," Elsa said, grinning wildly at the memory, "Your first word… was my name."


	33. Complete

Oh, god. "My first word… was your name?"

"Mmmmhm."

Anna slammed her head down onto the table, which would have thoroughly annoyed any remaining patron in the shop, but there were already none left from her earlier outburst with Ariel. Face firmly planted on the smooth birch, she wished that the ground would just swallow her up so she could huddle into the fetal position and wallow in her embarrassment forever.

She heard a voice, confused and concerned. "Anna? Are you okay?"

"How many of my firsts are you going to be," Anna grumbled into the wood, face still steadily enjoying its visit to tomato impression land.

"Sorry, what was that?" Elsa called again from somewhere above her.

"Nothing," she muttered, the wood against her face vibrating with the sound of her voice.

"Will you stop trying to eat the table? The barista is giving me weird looks. I'm not sure she's entirely supportive of whatever you're doing to their furniture."

Anna muttered something unintelligible and nonsensical in response, and turned her head to the side so that one cheek was pressed against the cool polish, still floundering about in her self-pity. How much more embarrassing could she get? First she apparently randomly kissed Elsa in a drunken stupor, now she had to find out that her first word was Elsa's name?

Something poked the top of her head. "Are you embarrassed?" Elsa asked innocently. "Why? I didn't even tell you about how I used to change your diapers for you. Did you know you wore diapers until you were four? Late bloomer, indeed."

Anna didn't need to look to know that Elsa was smiling; she could hear it in her voice. She groaned in response and didn't even allow her mind to wander there.  _Someone please kill me now._

"The Anna I know would wear her embarrassment proudly on her chest," Elsa chided softly, poking again at the mess of red hair lolling dejectedly on the table.

"Maybe if I weren't in love with you," Anna grunted under her breath, against the table, again.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," she mumbled again, trying to dig her face deeper into the table.

"Oh, come on, Anna, it's not like you don't know embarrassing things about  _me_ ," Elsa laughed and gently patted the top of Anna's head. "It's one of the perks of knowing each other for so long."

That was not a perk. That was a disadvantage. Elsa knew  _exactly_ how to embarrass her. "You're only saying that because you've barely had  _any_  embarrassing moments."

"I can't hear you very clearly with the table in your mouth, Anna."

There was a silence as Anna gloomily frolicked in her humiliation.

A bump resonated through the wood as Elsa put an elbow on the table. "Do you want to hear a joke?"

When the sullen redhead remained muted, Elsa continued, "Hey Anna, where does a fish keep his money?"

Anna twitched.

"A river bank."

At that, she cracked a smile, but Elsa couldn't see it.

"Hmm. Oh, you'll like this one. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?" Elsa tapped the table with a knuckle in a failed attempt to prompt a response. "Because they're always a little short."

Trust Elsa to joke about money. But nevertheless a laugh bubbled up from within Anna, and she raised her head to stare incredulously at her smirking sister. "You are  _so_  lame," she scoffed, biting back another chuckle. That was an advantage of growing up together, though. Elsa always knew how to make her smile.

Elsa grinned unabashedly and shrugged. "You're lame for liking them," she retorted.

Anna presented her with a disapproving pout. "Your turn," she prompted.

"Do I get a point for the last one?"

"No," Anna snapped. And then grinned again. She recalled how Elsa detested puns and similar jests. "You get one for lightening up and telling a joke, though. Nice change of pace for you."

"At least I'm rewarded for making my brain cells commit suicide," the older girl deadpanned.

"Your question." Anna nudged Elsa's leg with her foot.

"It's a hard one," Elsa warned. "What's my favourite book?"

Oh, that was indeed a hard one. Anna couldn't remember half of the books that lived on Elsa's bookshelves at home. Most of them were monotonous biographies of successful business men, or complex calculus textbooks, or analyses of the stock market; her brain  _actively_  rejected them. Any words that flowed from those books hit her skull and bounced away, completely refused entry.

She knew the answer to this. She knew that she knew it. It was the one book in which the spine was creased and worn, which spoke to the amount of rereading its owner had done. Elsa was always careful with her texts; the pages and spines rarely ever had a single wrinkle or groove. Anna herself had discovered this one work of fiction in Elsa's room when the latter had been away at Oxford. The reason it was so hard for her to remember was no doubt the fact that she had absolutely hated it. She had hated the story, hated the ending, hated just the premise of it. But for some reason Elsa had liked it.

The name finally came to her.

" _My Sister's Keeper_ ," Anna blurted, blinking in astonishment at her own recollection.

Platinum eyebrows raised in surprise. Had Elsa not been expecting an accurate answer? "Wow," Elsa breathed. "You read it?"

Anna fixed her with a somber gaze. So she was right. That didn't make it any less disturbing. "Why do you like it? I hated it."

Elsa looked undisturbed at the announcement. "Of course you hated it," she said matter-of-factly, "You hate sad stories."

"So why do  _you_  like it?"

Elsa shrugged again. "It wasn't sad to me. I actually kind of envied the family. I wasn't the biggest fan of the ending though, that I'll admit."

Oh. Of course. Only Elsa would find a miserable tale about a self-sacrificing big sister and a selfish little sister to be a happy one.

"I envied how easy it was for them," Elsa added. "Like they just knew what they were supposed to do. And everything's okay, in the end. Because they had family, and friends. No one ends up alone. It's a sad ending but it's always okay, in stories."

Huffing a breath of disapproval, Anna shook her head in vehement disagreement. "You're missing the point of the story, Elsa. It wasn't easy for them. It wasn't easy for Kate (the older sister), it wasn't easy for Anna (the younger sister), and it wasn't easy for their parents. It was the conflict that I hated. Each of them, struggling to do what they thought was right, when really, there wasn't a right answer. And it's like that, sometimes. Sometimes there's no right answer, and we just have to pick an option and live with it.  _Life_  is like that."

"What are we talking about again?" Elsa sighed.

Despite being the older sister, Elsa could be so thick sometimes. "I like to think of it as two birds with one stone. I know why this is so hard for you to understand." Anna put down the pen and clasped her hands together. She didn't even want to think about it, but it was something that they would both have to face. She had come to realize that their father had forced his black and white sense of right and wrong on Elsa. Anna could relate to the feeling. Being punished, it must have meant she had done something  _wrong_.

_What did I do wrong?_

That was a question she had asked herself countless times as she sat outside Elsa's door, wondering if it was something she did that caused her sister to put a sea of distance between them. But now she knew it wasn't her. Well, it wasn't  _just_  her. There were so many other reasons that Elsa had done it. The problem was, this concept of  _right_  and  _wrong_ , it was so subjective, and there were so many facets to it. Ethics, morals, laws, social perceptions.

But this wasn't a discussion that Anna wanted to get into on their first date. She imagined that were was a lot of damage done by her father that she needed to undo. "Choices are like onions, Elsa."

"They stink?"

"No!"

"They make you cry?"

"No!" Anna wanted to claw at the table in frustration. "There are layers. An onion is not a big block of vegetable. There are many layers that make it what it is." Wait, what was she talking about again? "Like a choice! It's not always one hundred percent 'right' or one hundred percent 'wrong'. There are a lot of layers to a decision, you know?" She hoped she sounded convincing. Halfway through she completely lost the point she was trying to make.

"Anna…" Elsa's voice was filled with intense concern. "… Are you high?"

"What? No!"

Elsa eyed her dubiously, skepticism plain in her sapphire eyes. "Well, we were talking about a book and now you're telling me about onions. Are you sure you're okay? I know you like Shrek, but there's no need to start talking like him. Should I expect you to be painting your face green and asking for a pet donkey?"

Anna gave a start as she realized she had just subconsciously channeled Shrek. Then she pushed that disturbing realization aside as she glared at her sister with blunted indignation. "Gah! That's not what I meant! Whatever, forget it. I got it right; I get a point." She picked up the pen again and tallied the marks on the napkin. "Oh look! I win!" She announced with a flair. "What do I get?"

Ice blue eyes rolled in exasperated sockets. "I suppose I owe you another wish?" Elsa tapped her chin as her features settled into a pensive expression. "How about I let you pick out the furniture?"

Anna beamed at her. Win or lose, she knew Elsa would no doubt have allowed her to do so anyway. And that was how she knew, wish or not, that Elsa would have given her whatever, as long as it made her happy. Though that was something Anna wanted to change, as touching as the sentiment was.

They moved to exit the coffee shop, and Anna's followed Elsa's gaze to Alistair's form outside the glass doors. "There was something I needed to tell you," Elsa whispered, looking down at their entwined hands. "But I have a feeling you know what it is without me having to say it."

Anna tilted her head to meet her sister's piercing sapphires, and nodded spiritedly. "Of course I do," she muttered back with exaggerated arrogance, "Who do you think I am?" Elsa wanted to keep this hidden between them. Of course she would; the damage this secret would do to her reputation as CEO, the consequences it would bring upon them from their mother—irreversibly destructive. At least for the time being, their relationship would have to be concealed.

She let go of Elsa's hand and sprinted out of the shop in her usual enthusiastic manner, "Last one there is a rotten snail!"

* * *

Apparently they had differing opinions of where 'there' was supposed to be. 'Picking out furniture' to Elsa meant a visit to their interior decorator, the world-renowned woman who had designed all the domestic adornments of Arendelle Manor, until Anna voiced her adamant 'suggestion', which was more like an insistence, of personally selecting all their furniture together. With extra emphasis on 'together'.

"But choices are like onions," Elsa had teased, which Anna had silenced with a pointed glare. "Okay, okay, bossy-pants, we'll do it your way," and she had swiftly surrendered. Which was still part of the problem. A glaring problem that signified the damage Anna wanted to mend.

And that was how they found themselves at Ikea, a large Swedish furniture retailer, browsing endless selections of desks, coffee tables, sofas, and chairs. Their bedrooms were also incomplete, save for the beds themselves and certain personal effects that were brought over from the Manor.

Currently perusing the dining room section of the store, Anna scanned her surroundings for the most unsightly table she could find. She finally spotted one, a dirty brown drop-leaf table that would completely destroy the atmosphere of their dining area. Smiling to herself, she bounded over to it. "I like this one," she declared.

Elsa followed, a mild confusion falling on her features as she scrutinized her sister's selection, eyes flicking between Anna and the table.

_Yes, yes, that's right, you hate it! Tell me you hate it!_

Then Elsa shrugged amiably, "Okay," and fetched a pencil to write down its address in the storage area of the large building.

 _Oh, come on!_ Anna gaped at her in disbelief, "But it's ugly! And it doesn't match the colour of our floor!"

Elsa paused, peering over the piece of paper that she was currently scribbling on, looking utterly baffled. "I thought you wanted it?"

This was not what she wanted. She wanted Elsa to argue with her. She wanted Elsa to voice her own opinion, to put her own desires first. As per Anna's instruction, Elsa had said that she deserved to be happy, but Anna wondered how much of Elsa actually believed it. She couldn't even fathom the idea that Elsa had spent more than half her life viciously depreciating herself, cruelly belittling herself to the point where the notion that she didn't deserve any form of happiness was so deeply ingrained in her.

And yet, here it was again, plain as day; Elsa was putting Anna first because she was still chasing some misguided conception that it made Anna happy, or that she didn't merit having her own opinion, or some outrageous mixture of both.

Anna wanted to seize Elsa by the shoulders and shake her until that damned misperception was permanently and eternally exorcized, but instead, she simply stated, " _You_  don't want it."

The pencil resumed its scribble. "So?"

That was both a relief and a disaster. It was a relief because at least Elsa had honestly admitted she did, in fact, not like it. Baby steps.

It was a disaster because of the way Elsa had said it, so readily dismissing Anna's statement as if its truth had no value, no weight at all in the decision, setting alight hot flames in Anna's bones once again at the evidence of what their father had done. She struggled to reign herself in, though; it would not do if she kicked over all the dining tables and earned them a one-way trip to the exit. Patience. Patience was not the enemy. "So why didn't you tell me that?"

Elsa's eyes were fixed firmly on the paper. "It doesn't matter."

Anna resisted the urge to angrily stomp her foot. Compromise let her cross her arms instead. "Yes, it does! It matters to me what you think! And it matters to me that you always push aside what you want for me!" She took a step closer to her resigned sister, softening the tone of her voice, as if she were now coaxing a cornered animal. "You've always spoiled me. Let me spoil you back."

Elsa raised a pale gold eyebrow at her. "I do  _not_  spoil you."

"You gave me your dolls when you knew I'd end up destroying them," The accusation was voiced like it was an unlawful crime.

"I didn't like them anyway."

Yeah, right. "You'd let me pick the flavour of the cookies that Gerda baked." Save for once.

"You have good taste in cookies."

Anna was suddenly tempted to smack Elsa over the head. "You always pushed me on the swings."

"I like pushing."

She rolled her eyes. "You let me win staring contests just so I'd go to sleep."

"No, I fell asleep, too," Elsa shot back.

 _Then explain the foreign blankets I'd always find in the morning._ "You always let me pick the movies we'd watch."

Elsa crossed her arms and grinned. "You have good taste in movies."

"You always let me have the first piece of a chocolate bar."

Elsa blinked, and her mouth twitched as she tried to conjure a comeback. "I don't have an excuse for that one," she admitted passively, slowly backing up against a concrete pillar.

"See." Anna grinned smugly at her victory, advancing on her retreating sister. "You spoil me."

Pale hands raised into the air in unconditional surrender as Elsa followed Anna's steps with her eyes. "We're really discussing whether I spoil you in the middle of a furniture store?"

Were they not in public, Anna would have pinned her against the solid pillar until she conceded instead of stopping three feet away. "Yes. Because you refuse to voice your opinion. Will you please tell me what you want? It kinda defeats the entire point of 'together' if I'm the only one picking."

"Just tell me what you want me to do," Elsa said, slumping, defeated, against the concrete.

There were many other things Anna wanted to do to Elsa when she was trapped against a compact surface like that, but none of them came to mind in her current mood. "That's the thing! I don't want to tell you to do anything! I want you to want to do things for yourself!" Anna knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it would've been a hell of a lot easier if Elsa weren't so oblivious.

"Are you  _trying_  to pick a fight with me?"

"No! Well… yes. No! Yes… no. Yes. Yes," she finally decided. "Kind of."

"Why is this so important to you? That I fight with you?"

"Because you've spent your entire life ignoring what you want for what I want. Sometimes they're mutually inclusive and sometimes they're mutually exclusive. The problem is, when they're mutually exclusive we don't argue! I've had a grand total of one real fight with you over what you want, and it was about what kind of chocolate to put in  _cookies_ when I was only five!" She did stomp her foot this time, eliciting curious glances and hushed whispers from all the other shoppers in the area.

But there were more important matters on her mind. "That argument we had three years ago. That was the most honest you've ever been with me  _and_  yourself. And you had to be so angry to let it out. I don't… I don't want that to happen again."

"It won't," Elsa interjected despondently. Obviously, the memory was unwelcome for her as well.

"And I don't want it to. But that's precisely why you need to  _talk_ to me, Elsa. Tell me what you want. Don't shut it all in, because sooner or later, you're going to end up resenting me for it.  _Fight_ , Elsa, fight for what you want. Please."

Before the dejected blonde could reply, she added, "I know old habits are hard to break. But I think we should make an effort to change. Starting now."

Then Elsa smiled at her, eyes full of warm admiration and… something else Anna couldn't distinguish. Love. Was it love? It was only there for a split second, swiftly replaced by mischief and compliance. "Okay. This table is hideous."

Anna gave her a lopsided grin in response, "Now we're getting somewhere."

* * *

Elsa sighed for the fifth time that night. They were huddled on their new white leather couch, chosen after an extensive discussion from both parties. To Anna's pleasant satisfaction, Elsa  _was_  making an effort to talk to her, to offer judgments and ideas, and it made the decisions all the more fun; their first date had ended on a more-than-agreeable note for both sides. Elsa brought up concerns and suggestions about each piece of furniture that would never have set foot in Anna's mind, and vice versa.

But right now, Elsa's attention was focused intently on the bright screen of her MacBook Pro, set snugly in her lap, and even though Anna couldn't see Elsa's face from her prone position against Elsa's shoulder, she could  _feel_  the unpleasant reactions to whatever the older girl was looking at.

Anna twisted on the couch to peer up at her sister, setting down the novel she had been reading on the spotless rounded glass coffee table. "What's up?"

"Hm? Sorry, did I disturb you?" Elsa's cheek was resting in an exasperated position against her fist, elbow digging into the soft arm of the brand-new leather sofa.

"No. But I can feel you deflating at least once every ten minutes. What's on your mind?"

Elsa sighed again. "The Board. The board of directors. They want to meet with me on Monday."

Anna ran a hand through her loose copper locks; corporate business often made her head itch. "Okay… and who are they?"

"They're a group of people who all hold significant shares, as in portions, of our company. Meaning, they each own a piece of the company."

Anna fiddled with her hands as she forced herself to absorb the information. She remembered reading vaguely about this a long, long, long time ago. "So, can't you ignore them? We still own the most shares, right?"

"Well, yes, we do, but they are able to re-elect a CEO if the current CEO underperforms. That is, if more than fifty percent of the shares are in agreement. They have the power to veto my decisions, because I'm not Chairman, the leader, of the board. Mother is."

Her brain was churning as it tried to digest all the information. "Mom is both CEO and Chairwoman?"

Elsa grunted. "Yes, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to deal with them. The Chairwoman is selected by the board, too. I don't know how she managed it, but she holds both positions."

"So you're worried about meeting them?"

"Yes... because, well, the way Mother dealt with them… was mostly through blackmail and bribes. They're all greedy bastards, you see, so they take whatever's best for themselves."

"Hmm. So you really don't want to deal with them."

"Four of them, in particular."

Anna propped herself up on her elbows, half-floundering on the soft sea of down under smooth leather. "Tell me about them."

Elsa drew in a long breath, two slender fingers flicking on the trackpad of her laptop as she scrolled through pages of information and pictures. "First, there's Cruella De Vil: Notorious for collecting exotic leathers and skins; all she cares about is fashion and money. She owns the most shares out of everyone else on the Board, and she's also the most…" She struggled for the right word, "Bitchy. She snapped at Mother's heels every step of the way, and there's no doubt she'll bite even harder at mine."

Anna craned her neck to stare at the picture of the woman on the screen. The lady exuded arrogance, from her exquisite long fur coat to her various shiny accessories to the omnipotent smile plastered on her heavily powdered face. One glance, and all that screamed from the photo was that appearances and reputation meant everything to this person. Her expression turned into a grimace as she imagined this pretentious woman even looking at her sister.

"Next," Elsa continued, fingers tapping the track pad, "Shan Yu. Used to be a mercenary. He got his shares when he amalgamated his company with ours back in Father's day when Father wanted to expand to Asia and the black market. There are rumours of Shan Yu going all the way back to before we were born, about his modus operandi—whoever crosses him mysteriously vanishes shortly after, and while rumours are he's behind it, there's never any way to trace it back to him. He's the most coldblooded of all on the Board. But as long as money and power keeps flowing to him, he should keep off our backs."

The skin of the man glaring menacingly back at Anna from the screen was almost gray, eyes snakelike and unforgiving, irises more amber than brown, twin flints—like the visage of a voracious viper. His body was heavily muscled, starkly contrasting the stereotypical fat rich men that the word 'businessmen' always called to mind. Something about his expression made Anna shiver just looking at it; it was chilling and callous, almost inhuman. Elsa would have to deal with him, too? Anna was beginning to understand better and better why Elsa was dreading Monday.

"Last, but not least, there's Ursula and Morgana. Sisters, but they're nothing like us. They gained their wealth by tricking powerful men through contracts that are made with twisted words. I have a feeling that that's how they weaseled their way onto the Board, as well. They're manipulative, but they hide it behind eloquent words and enticing deals. Ariel hates them; I've been told that they and her father, President Triton, have had vicious disagreements in the past—"

"Will you be okay?" Anna blurted, diverting her eyes from the computer screen so as not to see the pair of sinister siblings with slimy black hair that would be smiling sadistically back at her.

"I've half a mind to run off to the Rockies and hermit there forever," Elsa said with a slight smile.

"I wouldn't mind going with you," Anna whispered back, mimicking the lighthearted tone. Then, more seriously, "What do they want from you, though?"

Elsa sank back against the warm embrace of the sofa cushions and let out a long, tired exhale. "I imagine they want to discuss with me my future plans for the company." She abruptly shut her laptop and placed it on the glass table, rubbing her temples as she contemplated her plans.

"What are they? If you don't mind me asking, of course," Anna added quickly, suddenly fearing that she would be encroaching on forbidden territory.

Elsa caught the note of panic in her voice and peered at her. "I don't mind at all. Just... why the interest all of a sudden? You never liked this stuff."

"Umm…" Biting her lip, Anna realized that she had accidentally directed the conversation to a subject that she'd rather remain hidden. "I just thought… we don't really have anything in common, so I wanted to learn… more… about…"  _You._ Well, that was a reason, but not the main one.

Elsa cut her off with a quick kiss, and Anna could feel soft lips pulled into a slight smile against her own, instinct taking over immediately at the mind-numbing sensation. She crawled forward, dragging herself closer to Elsa, all the while keeping their lips locked, and felt an arm sling around her shoulders in response. Anna refused to let this be as infuriatingly teasing as the ones Elsa had given her that morning, so she aggressively pushed Elsa harder against the sofa as she pressed a tongue to Elsa's lips to demand entry, gleefully exploring Elsa's mouth when access was granted. Anna tasted vanilla and chocolate on Elsa, delightfully reminiscent of the ice cream they'd had for dessert that night.

There was a fire set alight in her belly again, and suddenly it was too hot, but she didn't care at all; she just wanted more, more, more, even if they would both be devoured by the fire as a consequence, and she stealthily slid onto the space on Elsa's lap previously occupied by the computer, desperately grasping at Elsa's shoulders to bring them closer together.

But Elsa broke the kiss (with a lot of effort) before things could escalate further, and Anna's brows furrowed in dissatisfaction, eyes still closed, and she brought her lips to trace the graceful curve of Elsa's jaw instead.

"Anna…"

Judging from Elsa's throaty tone, she obviously hadn't expected an inferno to be so easily ignited between them, hadn't expected it to be as if someone had thrown an incendiary grenade between them, hot flames lapping at their cheeks and spreading exponentially whenever their skin made contact.

Anna's chest heaved in sync with Elsa's as they both struggled for air. "That's for torturing me this morning," she breathed, voice unintentionally husky. Had it really been that morning? It felt much further away than that.

"Torturing you?" Elsa gasped, feigning hurt. "I was giving you clarification, just like you asked!"

"By holding back ninety-nine point nine percent of your feelings?"

Elsa's eyes narrowed into sapphire slits. "What I feel for you isn't lust, Anna. I don't want you to confuse it with that. I mean, it's there, but more as a byproduct of what I actually feel."

Anna opened her mouth to speak, only to be stopped by two pale fingers on her lips.

"Now, before you change the subject, I want to make it clear to you that I don't care if we have nothing in common. You are what I'm not. And that's all I need," Elsa gauged her response, eyes searching, "Also, I know you well enough to know that that isn't the real problem, Anna Arendelle. Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you?"

Apparently, Anna was an open book to Elsa. Anna shook her head in disappointment at how painfully transparent she was. And how did Elsa manage to make the atmosphere so mercurial? One moment it was serious, another it was scorching, and then serious again—all in a matter of minutes. But she finally conceded. After all, Elsa knew more embarrassing things about her than she could count. "It's not that I don't have an interest… exactly. I just… wasn't as good at it as you. So I pretended I didn't care to cover up my… incompetence. And I guess after years of pretending I didn't care, I really ended up thinking it had nothing to do with me."

She added with a stilted chuckle, "Mom and Dad gave me the impression that it wasn't really my place, anyway. So I stopped trying."

The sense of uselessness that came over her had caused her to look away, but she hadn't even noticed that she had done so until a hand came to caress her cheek and tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, then wrapping around her nape to yank her into another kiss. She gave a yelp of surprise that was promptly stifled by Elsa's lips moving fervently against hers, as if Elsa was trying to burn away her crushing feelings of ineptitude.

And she succeeded; the gnawing pit in Anna's stomach created by her suffocating sense of futility was chased away by another conflagration flaring from the embers left by the heat of the first kiss. Anna's fingers knotted in the base of Elsa's braid, eagerly reciprocating, feeding the hungry flames.

Then Elsa pulled away again, and  _damn it_ , it was never enough. Anna grumbled irritably at the loss of contact, eyes flying open in disapproval, and Elsa smiled as she realized the significance her actions had on her sister. "It is your place, if you want it. But only if you want it."

Anna only acknowledged the statement with a curt nod, and moved to initiate another kiss, but Elsa raised a hand to stop her.

" _Wisely, and slow,_ " Elsa whispered, " _They stumble that run fast._ "

Anna could only make another sound of annoyance through the thick fog of desire in her mind. "Why are you quoting Shakespeare at a time like this?"

Elsa returned a noise of satisfaction as she, once again, brushed locks of molten copper from Anna's eyes, "I was told that Shakespeare is romantic," she joked.

"The Friar is hardly romantic," Anna retorted, still unsatisfied.

Continuing with her jest, Elsa replied, "Mm, but he did conduct a marriage." On a more serious note, she asserted, "I'm pretty sure normal people don't kiss like this after the first date."

Anna grinned at her, "Normal people don't go home and find they live in the same house after the first date, either."

"All I'm saying is we should take it slow." All of a sudden, Anna could make out fear and uncertainty brewing in that captivating azure sky. "Heaven knows how confused I was when I first… had these feelings. And how blurred the line is, still, between best friend, sister, and girlfriend."

She tried to put a reason to that hesitation in Elsa's eyes. "Are you afraid that I'm not sure of what I feel?"

"Can you say for sure that you don't want to attach yourself to me with something more, after I've so cruelly neglected you for the past fourteen years? Can you say for sure that the feelings you have for me are romantic? They may be different from three years ago, but we're different, too." When Anna tried to protest, Elsa interrupted, "I know so well the feeling of regret, Anna, you have no idea. And the last thing I want is for you to do something that you'll regret."

"Mmmm… does that mean I have no chance of sleeping with you tonight?"

When Elsa turned pale white, enough to blend into the wall that the couch was set against, Anna burst out with a jovial laughter. "Kidding! I didn't mean that kind of sleeping when I said sleeping, anyway. I get it. I don't want you to do anything you'll regret, either. Even though it's in my blood to rush headfirst into things… I'll make an exception, for you."

She remembered something with a sharp gasp, the sudden stiffing of her spine jostling the bewildered blonde beneath her; in a flash, she hopped off of Elsa's lap, and disappeared, with a figurative cloud of dust, into her room. She was back just as quickly as she'd left, before Elsa could even react, with a small blue gift box in her palm. "This is for you—consider it a get-well present."

Elsa blinked a couple of times to fully register what just happened, and graciously took the offered box. "Anna, you shouldn't have. I'm the one who's supposed to be getting you a present."

Anna waved her off, "Forget it; I've done enough receiving. Open it!"

With the utmost care in the world, Elsa removed the top half of the box, revealing a glimmering silver chain with a shiny piece of golden orange imperial topaz, fashioned into an elongated pear-like cut, flashing a dazzling orange under the warm champagne lights of the ceiling lamps, its outline bordered by a smooth platinum coating.

"You got me… a carrot," Elsa declared slowly, more to herself than her single audience member.

Anna unhooked the Olaf necklace from around her neck, and slid it under the orange topaz carrot, the gleaming vegetable snapping into place with a pop. She grinned in satisfaction at her handiwork; she'd specifically designed the carrot so that it'd fit within the contours of Olaf's profile.

She watched, content, as comprehension settled in Elsa's ice blue irises, and the blonde smiled at her, because now, they both knew that Olaf was complete, just as they were.


	34. S t a r s

Elsa draped an arm over her eyes as one leg twisted into the sheets again, trying to find a comfortable position so that her brain would allow her to sleep. Her efforts were futile, however, as Anna's question came floating back into her head like a rash that wouldn't go away.

_Does that mean I have no chance of sleeping with you tonight?_

The effect on her was no less devastating than that of when she first heard it. Her heart leapt into her throat with jarring ferocity, and a disconcerting fever rushed between her legs at the thought of sleeping with Anna.

At that, she promptly flung away the covers and crawled out of bed, reaching for her crutches to sneak, as silently as she could, into the living room, lest she give in to the overwhelming temptation to dig a hand between her legs. She would not condone that. Not that.

If it weren't for the certainty that she had lady parts, she would have been convinced that she was actually a teenage boy; she without a doubt had the libido of one. She was not lusting after Anna. She was not. She refused to. The mere thought of making her sister an object of sexual desire was disturbing, disgusting, even, because Anna was so innocent, so trusting, that it filled Elsa to the brim with revulsion at even having these repulsive thoughts about her.

She wanted to. There was no way she wouldn't want to. Anna was so perfect—honest, sincere, fair—everything that Elsa was not. And that just made her even more disgusted with herself. The last time she had even broached the subject of sex was with Ariel, and that was due to the fact that she wanted to forget, to cleanse, to purge herself of these feelings for Anna. She had used, manipulated, exploited her friend as a means to an end. At this point, she couldn't even believe that she had done such a thing. It made her feel dirty and depraved. It was so shameless, underhanded; what gave her the right, now, to have what she wanted?

Guilt wasn't the only thing on her mind. Every time she contemplated the reality that she was in a relationship with Anna, something that she would never have even allowed herself to dream of, her mind was flooded of every scenario that could take place once Anna saw her scars.

Her scars. The reason that she couldn't bear to look in the mirror whenever she steps out of the shower. Just another reminder of her mistakes, her imperfection, of how she always disappointed everyone around her without fail.

She hadn't even given Ariel a full view of her back. Although Ariel's fingers had brushed passed them to discover their presence, Elsa had never given her any explanation as to why they existed, and the older girl had been perceptive enough to know that Elsa did not want to discuss them.

How would Anna feel about them? Repulsed, disillusioned, outraged, because Elsa couldn't give her an unblemished body with a clean history? Would Anna feel deceived, betrayed, swindled, because she had such an insistent perception of Elsa being a perfect, beautiful, role model?

Her hand flew to her neck to finger the shape of the carrot Anna had given, and its existence once again reassured her that it was really there. A carrot. Anna had given her a carrot. When they built Olaf together, Anna was always the one who completed him with the bright orange vegetable. And she had always been so adamant about it too, insisting that a snowman was not a snowman without a proper nose.

She was scared. Deathly scared. Terrified of disappointing her sister, the one person who has always been with her, for as long as she could remember. Terrified of turning those twinkling turquoise eyes into bitter, tearful ones. But above all, she was terrified that Anna's sincere, candid face would turn into a grimace trying to hide her revulsion. The scars would no doubt inflict all of the above and more, and Elsa couldn't decide which was worse.

She stared out into the dark night through the clear glass walls, her heartbeat steadily calming with each stroke of the melancholy waves lapping at the banks of the ashy beach below. With a soft sigh, she let her forehead rest against the cool window pane, eyes still focused on the pensive reflection of moonlight on ocean tide, soothed by nothing but the sound of her own breathing in the somber silence of nightfall.

The muffled lulling crashes of surf against shore in the distance was enough to remind her of a time she had resolutely considered ending it for good, acknowledging how easy it would be to walk down the path of sand that led straight to the water, how easy it would be to wade into the water, until her head was no longer above the surface. How easy it would have been to just stay down there and never come out.

But she hadn't. Why hadn't she?

Did she even need to answer that question? The answer was obvious.

The answer was also suddenly walking out of her room, rubbing her eyes wearily as she appeared in a loose white t-shirt and pajama pants.

Elsa turned as the pitter-patter of bare feet against hardwood resounded in her ears, slightly alarmed and chagrinned, asking quietly, "Sorry, did I wake you?" A quick glance at the pendulum wall clock told her that it was almost two hours past midnight. Had she been tossing and turning that long?

"No," Anna mumbled, approaching tactfully, "You didn't. I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither," Elsa admitted.

"Were you thinking about the Board? Nervous?"

That, among a million other things. "I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me."

She flinched.

"You don't have to have it together  _all_  the time, Elsa." Anna sighed. "At least, not in front of me. You never did tell me what you were planning to present to them."

That was right; they'd parted for bed not long after she received Anna's gift, both of them agreeing that it had been a long day and they needed rest. Apparently, both of them had also lied about that; judging from the telltale ruffle of ginger hair, Anna had also had a restless night, presumably not for the same reasons as Elsa.

Elsa diverted her attention back to the panoramic view of the Pacific before her, hands tightening their hold on her crutches. But she felt comfortable enough, in front of Anna, to confess, almost inaudibly, "I have no idea."

But the night was serene enough for even hushed tones to broadcast, and Anna reacted by moving closer, innocently touching a hand to Elsa's shoulder. "You'll be fine; I'm sure. No one works harder than you."

"Sometimes hard work is not enough, Anna," muttered Elsa, sullenly. "I could work hard at memorizing all the biographies on my laptop and I still wouldn't have the faintest clue what I should say to them."

"What would Mom do?"

She let out an exasperated exhale. "That's the thing. Mother would probably ambitiously set her sights on conquering a new company, or destroying the competition, or moving into a new industry that has a truckload of potential but…"

"… But you don't  _want_  to do any of that," Anna finished, visibly unperturbed.

 _Yes,_  Elsa realized. That was exactly the problem. She had absolutely no interest in anything Arendelle Corp offered—gemstone excavation, alcohol distillation, crude oil extraction, lumber preparation, automobile construction, designer clothing production, electronics assembly—none of those industries piqued the least bit of curiosity in her. They were all her father's, her mother's, her grandfather's, great-grandfather's accomplishments; they meant nothing to her, thus the lack of motivation to bolster the significance of any of them. Their dreams, not hers.

"Go back to sleep, Anna," She said instead.

"You're awake, so I'm awake," Anna replied cheerfully, blinking up at her.

Elsa sensed that she wasn't about to win this argument; she never did, when it came to a battle of obstinacy—or did she not want to? In any case, she relaxed in silent resignation. "You're right."

It didn't bother Anna at all, it seemed. In fact, the girl seemed to have been expecting it. Was Elsa that transparent?

As if anticipating her older sister's thoughts, Anna commented, "I didn't think you wanted to. Dad never asked you what you wanted. But I'd like to ask. What do  _you_  want to do?"

When the air remained steeped in pensive silence, Anna added, "Didn't you have dreams, when you were a kid? Even silly ones, like wanting to be an astronaut, doctor, power ranger, firefighter? Superman, Batman, or Spiderman?"

Elsa had, but with the fourteen years of crushing suppression in between, she couldn't remember what they were anymore. Even the possibility that they had existed felt like a dream to her now. They had only been stupid fantasies, after all.

In fact, her dreams now were, more often than not, torturous nightmares. The positive connotation of the word 'dream' had long since been brutally murdered.

Anna dropped her hand from Elsa's shoulder and reached for the fist clenching the bars of a crutch instead. "Nothing?" She prompted.

"I'm sorry I'm so boring," Elsa alleged bitterly.

Anna frowned at her skeptically. "I don't believe you. Dreams are like stars; they're always there, even if you can't see them."

That elicited a small chuckle. Elsa decided to play along. "You're also implying that they appear when it's darkest."

"And  _clear_. They only appear when it's clear, but they're always  _there_. So, what are yours, Elsa Arendelle?"

"I lost them," Elsa finally conceded, shedding the words as if they had been holding her down. She chewed on her bottom lip, hoping that she did not sound as crushed as she felt. "I lost sight of them."

Anna grabbed her hand, ripping it from its grip on the crutch. "Come with me." Then fiercely she tugged her bewildered sister toward the exit of their residence.

"Anna, we're not dressed to go out!" When her efforts to stop her sister proved to be in vain, Elsa let out another sigh as she let Anna lead them to the fire exit stairwell of the condominium. "Uh, I can't…" She stared at the stairs and wiggled the single crutch that she still had in her possession; the other one was abandoned on the floor of their room.

"You can," the redhead insisted decisively, tucking herself under Elsa's arm to help her sister up the stairs. "Besides, the elevators don't go where we're going."

"And where  _are_  we going?" Selecting to grip the handrail instead, Elsa dismissed her remaining crutch as she heaved herself up the steps. Thankfully, her recklessness in and outside of her father's study hadn't impeded the recovery of her leg too much; the week that had passed between commissioning Mark to find them a new place and actually moving in after the paperwork had allowed enough regrowth of bone to permit slight pressure.

Anna opened the door at the top of the stairwell; again, thankfully their condo was only one flight of stairs from the roof of the building.

"Is this where you kill me?" Elsa asked warily, hopping on one leg as Anna turned to fetch the discarded crutch. She peered around cautiously; there were no rails to prevent prospective…drops, and the distance to the ground was about sixty stories. Any stray cars that were speeding down the streets looked like toys, small and insignificant. She could see the rest of the city from here, a mass of towering office buildings, each peppered with windows of bright lights, so near the water that the reflected glows sparkled like diamonds.

"Stop looking down, Elsa," Anna grumbled as she took her place by Elsa's side near one side of the roof, tucking the crutch securely under the blonde's arm. "You're making me nervous, standing so near the edge."

"Where else am I supposed to look?" Elsa answered grudgingly. A hand came to rub the elbow of the arm holding the crutch as a cool breeze encircled them, carrying all the scents of the night.

Anna pulled on her, persuading her into a sitting position on the concrete, then into a sprawl, flat on her back, as their heads gently rested onto the cement, loose locks mixing into a mass of ruby and golden chrome. She pointed. "Up."

Elsa's eyes followed the direction the finger was indicating, and she let out a sigh of disappointment. "You can't see stars from here, Anna. The city lights are too bright."

"Shh." A hand pushed her head back into a position to absorb the night sky. "Look harder."

She rolled her eyes, but did as she was told. A blinking glimmer appeared in the black velvet, followed by another, and another. They form a necklace of ice crystals nestled in obsidian. She shook her head. "Those are just helicopter lights. Or aircraft landing lights."

Anna blew out a breath of impatience. "That's not the point. They're whatever you want them to be. You're supposed to use your imagination."

The air was only disturbed by the lulling melody of ocean tide, until Anna spoke again. "So, anything? Dreams you want to tell me about?"

Elsa pressed her fingers against the rocky surface beneath them, poring over her memories. Anna was trying so hard, being so patient, which was very unlike her. The least Elsa could do was give her a satisfactory answer. To her pleasant surprise, one came to her. Faint, barely hanging onto life, but there. "Infinity," she said. She turned her head to face Anna. "Do you remember what that is?"

Ginger brows furrowed in confusion for a moment, and then relaxed as recognition followed by a wide grin crept across Anna's features. "Word of the day."

Elsa nodded.

"I knew you had it in you."

" _Oh, come on, Elsa! We're still using the word if we name something after it!"_

_Eight-year-old Elsa peered back at the room where her abandoned composition, practice with the word 'infinity', lay. Her hand, the one that was still clutched in her sister's grasp, twitched at the temptation to withdraw and return to her assignment._

" _Besides, Daddy comes back tomorrow. He won't let you play."_

_Blue eyes floated back to the bubbly ginger mass of bouncing hair before her, and immediately, she surrendered. She was going to fail him again, but Anna always had some way of chasing away all of her self-discipline. Making her laugh on the way to self-ruin. "Do you even know what the word 'infinity' means?"_

_Anna puffed out her cheeks as she settled into her version of 'deep thought'. Half a second later, she shook her head, pigtails whipping the air. "Nope!" She exclaimed happily, giving Elsa a wide smile, showing off her missing bottom tooth._

_Only Anna could be this happy about flaunting her ignorance. The smile however, was infectious as always, and Elsa found herself unconsciously curling her lips in response as she followed her sister into their playroom. "It means without end. No limit."_

" _That's perfect!" Anna declaring jubilantly, knocking over a large box of Lego, spilling its contents across the floor._

_Joining her sister on the carpeted floor, Elsa could only stare; it was her turn to be confused. "What's perfect?"_

" _The name! For what we're making!"_

_She didn't even have time to understand what Anna meant as she helped Anna gather all the pieces into a concentrated area, and watched the redhead get to work on a large, green, piece of flat Lego. "What are we making?"_

" _A park!"_

" _A park?"_

_Anna nodded energetically. "With rollercoasters and stuff! That stuff we see on TV!"_

" _An amusement park?"_

_Turquoise eyes glowed. "Yes!" Anna squealed, enthusiastically sticking piece after piece into place._

_It had taken an entire day, but they had completed an amusement park out of Lego, a sprawling mass of coloured blocks. Plastic people were sprinkled along the paths, always in fours or threes or pairs, no one ever left alone. Their faces always smiling and exuberant. Who cried in an amusement park?_

_After triumphantly naming it 'Infinity', they were forced to separate for bed. The next day, when their father returned, Anna had showed it to him, and he shook his head, asserting, "Amusement parks don't turn a good profit, Anna." And he had looked at Elsa pointedly._

Faint and distant, but that was the first time she had experienced a drive for anything company-related. Some compelling force, deep in her heart, telling her that she could, should,  _must_  make this come true. Because she had loved it. The idea, the name, even if she hadn't understood then why Anna wanted to call it 'Infinity', she loved it, because it was something she and Anna had created together. There was passion, enthusiasm; it was something she wanted to do, not something she was forcing herself to do. But, like everything else that made her who she was, she had buried it and released the ashes in that study.

But she knew now why Anna wanted to call it that. Infinity. Limitless. Endless. Because to them, rollercoasters, cotton candy, and arcade games represented a place of boundless happiness, a place of family, a place where no one was ever alone, or denied fun. A place to which parents brought their children to remind them of how much they were loved. A place that has always existed only in dreams, for Anna and Elsa. A place every kid dreamed of.

"It was like the night sky to me," Anna said suddenly. "Infinity. Freedom."

Elsa looked at her curiously. "I fail to see how night represents freedom."

"It's a blank canvas," Anna whispered. "When I was a kid I could paint anything onto it. Dreams. We'd go places, everywhere, and I'd see them in the stars. Endless possibilities. I'd imagine you beside me in every one of them, and it would all be okay. I could pretend you didn't hate me—"

"I don't. Didn't. Never will." Elsa quickly protested. The words were jumbled in her haste to deny the statement, but that didn't make them any less true.

"And I know that now," Anna murmured with a smile, eyes glowing brighter than the stars above.

"It doesn't make up for the past," Elsa continued, still hasty, "I can't repair all the damage done, nor can I return to you all the time we lost together—"

"We'll just have to compensate by making more memories together from now on," Anna decided. "I think you should do it."

"Do what?"

"Build  _Infinity_."

The thought of deviating from the tracks left by her mother reawakened the butterflies in Elsa's stomach. Even after all this time, she hadn't considered the company to be a thing that was actually hers. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that she still didn't want it. "It's not that easy—"

"Sometimes, the difficulty is only in your head. You'd be surprised what you can do once you stop telling yourself, 'I can't'. And heaven knows you say that  _way_  too much."

She crossed her arms over her midsection and turned her attention back to the stretch of inky sky above. A smile unexpectedly surfaced as she imagined young Anna, eyes wide and playful, restlessly tracing pictures from star to star like a connect-the-dots puzzle with an outstretched hand. She unconsciously extended a hand toward the sky, as if trying to touch it would give her answers. "Hey, Anna?"

"Hmm?"

She dropped her hand. "Do you think stars are ever lonely? They never appear in pairs, do they?"

Anna turned, scooting closer, and rested her head on her arm. She giggled. "You sound like a little kid, Elsa."

"Humour me."

"If you'll stop deflecting."

After Elsa gave her a quick mutter of agreement, Anna answered, "I don't think they're ever lonely. Think about this. A struggling artist in Paris. A misunderstood adolescent girl in Los Angeles. An old man sitting out on the countryside in China. You, in England. Me, here. We all look to the same stars; their light gives us hope, their independence gives us courage, and in return, we cherish them. We watch them, we appreciate them. And they connect us. And because of that, they're never lonely. They're never alone."

"You know, I was thinking the same thing. We're all under the same sky."

Their hands involuntarily laced together, as if it was the default position: together.

"That's why I want you to do it, Elsa. Build that dream. Just like the stars, you'll be making so many people happy, yourself included. Imagine a family of four who spends most of their hours separated, kids at school, parents at work, taking a vacation to  _Infinity_ , making up for lost time. Imagine a couple who visit  _Infinity_ , and dream about one day sharing it with their kids. Imagine a group of friends, walking through the gates and wishing that that moment would last forever. Imagine us, finally getting to visit an amusement park for the first time in our lives.

"The question is, Elsa: do  _you_  want to?"

She squeezed Anna's hand in appreciation, and weighed the question in her mind, as if she could put a numerical value to how much she wanted to. And she was surprised that she couldn't help but conjure this unshakeable image of the amusement park, life-like and just as vibrantly colourful as its Lego prototype, its grounds filled with laughing children, smiling parents, friendly workers and carefree adolescents, not a soul alone or despairing. And most importantly, Anna, by her side, both of them freed from the burdens of inheritance, where they could just  _be_.

Everyone would forget about worldly anxieties: money, food, shelter, power; that was not the mindset one brought to a place of fun.

She smiled. "It seems to me that all dreams have the same goal in mind."

Anna quirked an eyebrow. "It's the journey that makes the destination worthwhile, isn't it?"

"Yes. I think that's true."

"Then don't be afraid that it's going to be difficult. Because the more difficult it is, the more satisfying the result will be. Besides, I'll be right by your side every step of the way, making sure Mrs. De Vil doesn't chew on your ankles."

Somehow, the night had taken a completely unexpected turn, but Elsa had learned to welcome the unpredictable, especially when she was with Anna. She certainly hadn't anticipated having a profound discussion about stars when she slipped out from under her covers. Now with at least some form of a goal in mind, she was feeling all sorts of buoyant, despite the rocky gravel pressed against her back and the cool summer flurry buffeting her loose bangs.

She stifled a yawn. "There's a lot of work to get done if I want to have a decent proposal by Monday, so we better go home."

Anna beamed at the word 'home', and nodded her assent.

* * *

She should go visit Elsa. Like right now.

_No! Focus!_

Anna fidgeted in her seat for the millionth time that morning, finding herself too thoroughly distracted to pay any attention to whatever Ms. Corona was prattling on about with regard to Shakespeare's  _Hamlet_. Normally her attention would be fully committed to dissecting the meaning behind language that Shakespeare used in Hamlet's soliloquies but today, about a dozen butterflies were doing the tango in her stomach.

Elsa would be presenting her plan to build  _Infinity_  soon, if that clock on the wall was accurate. Anna wasn't even going to be there, nor was she going to participate, so why was she breaking into a cold sweat? She was probably more jittery about this than Elsa was.

On either side of her, Aurora and Rapunzel were exchanging befuddled looks as to why Anna was shifting about in her seat as if she were sitting on a floor of marbles.

"Are you feeling okay?" Rapunzel asked, hushed so that Ms. Corona would not decide to request that they translate the entirety of Hamlet's last soliloquy to modern English as punishment for being disrespectful.

Yes, that was it! Anna's eyes focused on the middle knuckle of the hand that was clenched in her lap as a plan formed in her churning mind. She could pretend that she was not feeling well for an excuse to the nurse's office and then get her driver to take her to Elsa's office. And then…

She pushed those thoughts away. And then what? What could she do for Elsa, if she were there? She couldn't present Elsa's proposal, she couldn't even effectively defend Elsa's dream, simply because she knew next to nothing about economics.

Nevertheless, there was a burning flame lapping away at her self-control, because she just wanted to be next to her sister. Even if it did nothing of use, she just wanted to be there.

So caught up in her thoughts that she missed Ms. Corona's question, not even registering the fact that she had been posed a question until Rapunzel elbowed her in the side.

Her head raised immediately, rudely pulled back to the present. "Sorry, Ms. Corona, what was that?"

"I was just wondering, since Hamlet's contemplation of life or death is so uninteresting to you, perhaps you'd like to offer a satisfactory translation of the entire soliloquy?" Ms. Corona said, peering over her round-rimmed glasses.

Anna straightened. "Oh, uh, 'to be or not to be'… that means… to be… here, or not to be… here." She gasped. "Uh! I can't be here, right now!" Anna wondered if she were coherent at all.

Ms. Corona looked at her curiously. "Is there somewhere else you need to be?"

She didn't even have the brain capacity left to snicker at the pun, as many of her classmates were doing. Anna was already gathering her textbook and papers, rapidly shoving them into her backpack. "Sorry! I've gotta go." She waved a hasty goodbye to her friends and English teacher, awkwardly backing out of the classroom. "I need to get going—I've gotta go. I need to go. Bye!"

She hastily texted an explanation to Rapunzel during the car ride to the downtown office. It was the end of the year already; surely, she could be excused a few more times for being absent due to family reasons. Her thumbs fumbled over her phone as she pondered whether to tell Elsa that she was on her way. She ultimately decided against it; Elsa had enough to worry about as it was.

Ariel wouldn't be there today, and the realization of that spurred the fluttering butterflies that were wreaking havoc on her insides.

Then the apprehensions that have been plaguing her since yesterday added fuel to the fire. What if Elsa was viciously rebuked for the idea? What if the Board didn't like it? What if, what if, what if. And Anna was responsible for it; after all she was the one who had convinced Elsa that this was a good idea. That meant any negative consequences that Elsa incurred today would be due to Anna's indiscretion as well.

She crept through the large rotating doors of Arendelle Corp's headquarters, making a beeline for the elevators, in case some guard labeled her as suspicious and tried to remove her from the premises. Luckily, she made it to the top floor without much impediment, where her next obstacle came in the form of Gustav, her mother's PA.

"Ms. Anna, if you are here to see the President, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to wait," He told her, actively blocking her access to the only route that lead to the conference room where Elsa's presentation in front of ten other corporate heads was undoubtedly taking place.

 _The President_. For some odd reason, Anna very much liked how that title described Elsa. It sounded powerful, majestic, regal. Very befitting for her image of Elsa. Anna would have to take to calling her that when they were in private too, just to see how that status would roll off her own tongue when addressing Elsa as such.

For now, she would have to find some way to deter this hurdle. In an attempt to look undaunted, she crossed her arms and defiantly stared up at the Norwegian man. "I won't go in," she said, "or disturb the meeting in any way. I'm just going to listen."

He looked back at her, then at the ground, tapping his foot as he mulled over his options. Elsa's reactions to Anna's habitual visits had told him that Elsa would have never denied Anna entry. He finally lifted his head with a deep breath, and nodded toward the door directly behind him. "There's a camera in the conference room that feeds directly to a monitor in the President's office. I'll bring you a coffee."

The way he quickly scurried off before she could tell him that she'd prefer water instead raised another alarm in Anna's mind. Was he… afraid of her? No, not of  _her_ , but more of… Elsa, and by extension, Anna as well. Or maybe he was afraid of their mother, and that fear extended to them; perhaps he believed intimidation and blackmail ran in the family.

And the discrepancy between who Elsa really was and who her workers—Gustav, at the very least—thought she was almost comical in its oceanic size. The Elsa that Anna knew would never hurt a soul for the sake of personal gain, yet others seemed to think that that came naturally to Elsa. That was something else Anna needed to fix; their mother may have believed that having a reputation as a cold and heartless dictator was beneficial in retaining control, but Anna had a different opinion.

She pushed open the door to her mother's office—Elsa's, for now, though she could tell that Elsa hadn't used it—and was met with all the glory of downtown Vancouver in the vibrant daylight. The wall of the room that faced the outside, it was entirely made of glass, and the building was high enough that she towered above all the other structures of the city. She stared, mouth agape, at the breathtaking view granted to her, a clear panorama of the Pacific all the way to Vancouver Island.

Gustav brought in her coffee then, turning on a large flatscreen that took up most of the space on an adjacent wall, and fiddled with the remote until the image of the screen showed the pale grey conference room, ten board members seated around a vast U-shaped table, with Elsa at its apex. The camera in the room must have been in one of the corners of the ceiling, then, its eye capturing all the faces of Elsa's audience.

A woman, one whose identity was immediately revealed by her extravagant fur coat, was speaking. "So I take it you've dealt with Falk Industries, then? Bled the old man dry?" Her voice was chilling, its charity a toxic artificial. Anna was suddenly glad that she was not the one who had to deal with this lady, and then viciously berated herself for such blasphemous thoughts.

"No, Ms. De Vil. I've offered him a different contract," Elsa replied coolly, her resilient demeanor seemingly unfazed. "I do recall sending you a copy."

"I was hoping that was some sort of joke," said Cruella, eyes narrow and scrutinizing. "Why offer him sponsorship when you could have him relinquish all of his remaining assets to us?"

The answer was obvious to Anna; Elsa must not have wanted to take more from Walter Falk, having practiced mercy upon the old man in light of all his misfortunes, one son in a coma, the other in prison.

"I believe his experience in the oil industry will be more valuable than his material assets," Elsa replied, voice even, not betraying a shred of uncertainty. "It will prove beneficial to have him indebted to us."

A portly man, whom Anna recognized to be Kai Evenstad, was nodding his approval. She'd seen him visiting Arendelle Manor often, when her father was still alive. "Walter Falk has dabbled in oil refinement for many decades," he offered.

"True, but he may seek vengeance for his children."

It took Anna a while to put a face to the low menacing voice that resounded from the television, but she finally reconciled the guttural growl with the face of Shan Yu, looking just as robust and aggressive as she remembered from his picture.

He spoke again. "We should take advantage of his vulnerable position, and extinguish any flame of rebellion in the bud."

"Still, I prefer not to turn things hostile unless it is absolutely necessary," Elsa declared firmly.

"Enough of that for now," said a slimy, raspy voice. "We'll let things… simmer for a while, and we can decide whether Ms. Arendelle's decision is sound when we reconvene next month."

Anna's attention was focused on the two sisters at the table, one horizontally challenged and the other horizontally inclined. Despite their difference in body weight, one could easily tell that they were related, from their phantom white skin to their long, greasy locks.

"We'd like to see your plan for the next six months, Ms. Arendelle," the bony one, Morgana, Anna presumed, hissed.

"I'd like for us to move into the theme park industry," announced Elsa, and Anna watched as Mark passed folders to each of the members of the meeting.

"Your father specifically wanted to avoid industries that are reliant on consumer pleasure," Cruella remarked, eyes scanning the contents of the folder. The result of all the research Elsa was doing Sunday, most likely.

"Today, entertainment and recreation are one of the world's fastest growing markets. My father disliked the uncertainty of the entertainment industry, for its success is entirely built upon consumer preference. However, amidst all the turmoil and chaos in the present day, there is a growing demand for sanctuaries that provide bliss and comfort to its users, for havens that allow escape from reality."

Anna smiled proudly, as if that was her own child, not her older sister, so confidently presenting her argument to the notoriously troublesome Board of Directors. This was the same girl who was afraid to dream, Anna thought. How could Elsa be so many things all at the same time? A nervous, hopeless wreck one moment, and a credible, powerful speaker the next.

Hushed whispers shuddered across the table as the board members absorbed Elsa's logic. There were murmurs of dissent, among the mumbles of esteem, namely coming from Cruella De Vil, Shan Yu, and the grey sisters, as Anna had taken to calling them.

"There is more potential in expanding in the jewelry and fashion industries," Cruella argued. "You have presented the aspirations of a child, not an adult. Do you realize how much money we could lose if you fail? You have no experience in running a company, much less moving into a new industry. I, for one, am against this."

"I, too, believe that we should focus more of our attention on trades that are more our specialty. We've never tinkered with  _toys_  before, nor should we ever," Shan Yu grunted, reclining in his chair, crudely thrusting his dirt caked boots onto the table.

"Maybe you should spend less time dreaming with that airheaded sister of yours, and more time in careful consideration. What was your mother thinking, leaving the two of you in charge of a company as influential as this?" Ursula goaded, after an exchanged look with Morgana.

Anna bristled at the jeer in the same moment as Elsa did. Calm, cool, levelheaded Elsa, who had shown nothing but tolerance the entire meeting, narrowed her eyes, and Anna could see her figurative hackles rising. "That is none of your concern," Elsa bit out, eyes hard as flints. She looked like she had wanted to contend further, with a damaging insult of her own, but she managed to reign herself in. Anna breathed out a sigh of relief; she certainly didn't want Elsa to make enemies with her Board of Directors.

"In my opinion, Ms. Arendelle brings out many good points about the state of today's world. It may do our business, and our public relations some good if we 'tinker with toys', as Mr. Yu so aptly pointed out," Kai interjected. The whispers at the table died down with his comment, representing just how much influence the seemingly harmless man had on his audience. A majority of the board nodded in agreement, leaving dissatisfied scowls on the faces of the opposing members.

"I am by no means agreeing with this," Cruella sneered, collecting her things. "And if you make one wrong move, I  _will_ petition to have you removed."

"I understand," Elsa said amicably, her rage dissipated—but by no means forgotten, Anna thought, judging from the flicker of distaste that crossed her face, as Cruella De Vil left the room, clacking heels punctuating her departure.

"I second Ms. De Vil's opinion," Shan Yu rumbled. "One step, and we will remove your family's right of inheritance from the presidential throne."

"Well, I'd say this meeting is adjourned," Kai proclaimed, removing himself from his seat as well. "Until next month, ladies, gentlemen."

Anna watched as they filed out of the room, leaving only Ursula, Morgana, and Elsa in the room. She had a sudden urge to burst into that conference room and throw rude profanities at the grey sisters for their insolence, but she forced herself to keep watching as Morgana leaned over and whispered something into Elsa's ear, eliciting a strained neutral expression from the blonde. Then they bade a giddy,  _too_  giddy farewell to Elsa, shutting the door behind them.

As soon as the last of the board members departed in the elevators, Anna darted out of the office and into the conference room, where Elsa was still in her seat, staring at the floor, knuckles white. "Elsa! Are you okay?"

Elsa looked up, alarmed, as Anna raced over to her. "What are you doing here? You should be at school."

"I was worried. I… watched the entire thing in Mom's office." The disruptive presence of the funereal meeting that had just taken place still lingered in the room, and Anna reached over to seize Elsa in a fierce hug, as if Elsa had just dodged a flurry of daggers. Which, in retrospect, was not far from the truth. "You did great, Elsa. Really."

Elsa pulled back, and offered a tentative smile. "Not here, Anna. But thanks."

As soon as they were in the privacy of Elsa's office, Anna asked, "What did Morgana say to you?"

"Something about Father," Elsa muttered, shutting the door behind her.

"Is it important?"

Elsa unclenched her fist, revealing a scrap piece of paper. "I'm supposed to meet them at this address tomorrow. Anna, I need you to promise me something."

Half-sitting on top of Elsa's desk, Anna tilted her head questioningly. "Hm?"

"Don't come again while they're here. I don't want them meeting you," Elsa said, as she strode over to stand in front of her sister. "Please."

Yeah, right. The first thing on Anna's mind was to have a word with Cruella De Vil and Shan Yu. But Elsa would never back down when it came to her safety, so she amiably complied, "Okay."

Before Elsa could question the integrity of her acquiesce, she changed the subject. "I brought something for you." With that, she reached into her backpack and produced a small glass jar along with a square piece of paper.

"A jar?"

Anna grinned, "Not just any jar. A hope jar."

Elsa made a noise that sounded somewhere between a snort and a chuckle. "Really? Do you know how cheesy you sound?"

Grabbing a pen from Elsa's desk, she wrote, "Infinity," grinning to herself, and then expertly folded the paper into a star, dropping it into the jar. "It's a kenning."

"I know it is," Elsa said, uninspired. "I took English with Ms. Corona, too."

"Then you'll know what it means."

"Yes, Pandora's Box," She huffed, crossing her arms impatiently. "You're so full of cheese."

"But I'm your cheese," Anna unleashed a wide smile, unfaltering in the face of Elsa's edgeless gibes.

"You're my miracle, too."

" _Now_  who's being cheesy?"


	35. Friction

That evening, as Elsa was plagued by relentless scenarios of what would happen if she could not win the bet with their mother, she decided to try her hand at laundry, to distract herself from her unpleasant thought processes.

She made a face of distaste when she entered Anna's room; her sister was amazing and wonderful and gorgeous, but her big vice was housekeeping. It wasn't as if Anna liked messes, but she was so scatterbrained that whenever the notion of cleaning her room popped into her mind, it would be dismissed with the same swiftness with which it had entered. Apparently keeping her room tidy was ranked as one of her lower priorities.

That wasn't to say that Anna never cleaned her room. Her tolerance for messes did have a threshold, though it was much higher than Elsa's. About once every two weeks Anna picked up the papers and clothing strewn about her room, if the maids hadn't done it for her by then, while Elsa always kept everything in pristine order.

It was a habit she'd adopted since she noticed that Anna would often stumble across the floor of their playroom and accidentally tread on a sharp piece of stray Lego, or she'd clumsily stub her toe on the leg of a desk that was slightly out of place. Anyway, Elsa's affinity for clean was just another adaptation she had acclimated to, to cushion Anna's inclination for accidents.

So she picked up all the clothing on the floor, automatically assuming that whatever was discarded was an object that needed washing, gathered them into the laundry room where she eagerly dumped the offending mass of fabric into the machine.

As she flipped a pair of pants that had fallen onto the ground from her pile into the mouth of the washer, something white fluttered out of the pocket, flying to the floor like the wings of a landing seagull. She bent over and reached for it. It was the pair of pictures that she had pilfered from her father's study. The first photo was the one she'd seen of Anna, and she turned her attention back to the task at hand for a moment.

And was suddenly struck with an otherwise disturbing realization: she had never done this before.

Well, how hard could it be right? Someone (most likely Mark, when he finalized the paperwork for her) had made sure to equip their house with items that were required for general living—toilet paper, laundry detergent and bleach, dish soap, clothing hangers, bath towels, and the like. Things that, were they on their own, would have been completely forgotten and overlooked, and they would have been stuck in a house with no toilet paper until the department store opened the next day.

The point is, there was a box of powdered Tide Ultra waiting for Elsa on a shelf above the washer, along with a bottle of fabric softener and bleach. The unfortunate thing though, is that, despite all of her higher education, Elsa didn't, for the life of her, consider reading the instructions on the side of the box.

She tossed open the lid and poured, white dust suicide diving into the mouth of an electric beast, the thumb of the hand that held the gray scale snapshots pushing aside the image of Anna and Olaf to reveal what was hidden underneath. The prints must have been stuck together for a long time; it was difficult to unlatch the top laminate from the bottom one, but she finally managed it with another nudge of her thumb.

And she stared. She saw a side profile of herself, sitting on a snowy leather bench in the music room of Arendelle Manor, fingers lightly paused on the ivory keys of the frosted grand piano before her. Her hair was curled into a braid that slid down her back, and though her posture was straight and rigid, her gaze was rested downward, silent and serene. When had this picture been taken? Elsa herself hadn't even known of its existence.

She grasped for an answer, testing different interpretations on her tongue—the photos had been stuck together since they were developed, and her father had never noticed the second one's life. Some random stranger slipped it into the frame one day. The frame itself was not his, and had been put in the study after his death. Each one was becoming more farfetched than the last, but she did not dare to allow her thoughts to collect on a certain reason—separating like water and oil in a lava lamp.

The box in her hand was empty now; she hadn't even noticed the lessening of its weight with her attention captured by the memories in her hand. Whatever; she shut the lid, the machine snapping shut like an alligator's jaws, and turned it on. The washer rumbled to life as it filled with water, a low hum travelling from its motor to where her hip contacted the silvery metal.

How dare he. How dare he leave evidence of something like that. What gave him to the right to deliver such mixed signals? Either show that he hated her, or he loved her, not both. That was cruel. Both was the cruelest. Let her believe that he hated her, so she could wholly hate him back. Let her believe that he loved her, so she could wholly love him back. Not leaving her lying abandoned and gasping for air somewhere on the railroad tracks in between.

And it was exactly what she couldn't do for Anna. She loved, but pretended she hated. She wanted, but pretended she didn't. And yet still it slipped through the cracks in her defense. She loved, one moment; she hated, the next. She hadn't been able to let Anna completely hate her, yet she hadn't been able to let Anna love her, either.

Something wet and slippery seeped through the fabric of her leggings, surprising her back to reality. Bubbly foam oozed from the lip of the washer, like a rabid dog frothing at the mouth. Panicked, she flicked her hand across the controls on the LCD screen, frantically searching for a stop button. The foam was to the floor now, pooling around her legs as it crawled across the hardwood floor.

"Stop!" She yelled, as if a verbal command would do anything to impede the production of soap bubbles. After a few random taps at the screen, the rotating agitator picked up speed, emitting a louder whirr as it digested its food.

"Elsa? Are you okay?" Anna called from the living room.

"I'm fine!" Elsa shouted, the volume of her voice trying to compete with the now-roaring washing machine. She slammed the door shut, and changed tactics, grabbing towels from the baskets nearby in an attempt to plug the gaps, preventing more foam from adding to the sea of bubbles on the floor.

Anna knocked at the door. "Elsa? What's going on?"

"Nothing! Everything's fine!"

Alas, the entryway to the laundry room was lock-less. Anna, evidently concerned (and with good reason, for her sister was, in fact, an idiot sometimes), pushed open the door and gasped at the sight that greeted her.

* * *

It wasn't the strange sight of the ground covered in frothy lather that made Anna laugh, nor was it the blatant anarchy that dominated the room. It was the look on Elsa's face that elicited an amused giggle from Anna's mouth.

She'd seen Elsa with all kind of expressions before—happily smiling Elsa, pretending-to-smile Elsa, pretending-to-be-okay Elsa, angry Elsa, pretending-to-be-angry Elsa, eerily-quiet-but-angry Elsa, annoyed Elsa, tired Elsa, sad-but-trying-to-hide-it Elsa, troubled Elsa, guilty Elsa. Guilty Elsa especially, Anna had seen the same look on Elsa's face countless times—mostly when Anna had done something stupid to hurt herself.

But this guilty Elsa. This, Anna had never seen before. In fact, she couldn't recall the last time Elsa acted anywhere remotely childish, but this—this guilty Elsa—was absolutely new (and so, so delightful) to Anna. The way Elsa was looking at her right now, sapphire eyes wide and panicked—a child caught red-handed with her hand halfway down the cookie jar—with the corners of her mouth turned down in a sheepish grimace.

Then it occurred to Anna that she had never seen pouty Elsa before. Even though she had expressed very clearly that she wanted to spoil Elsa, her offer had yet to be taken. This wasn't a surprise however, since Elsa rarely requested anything of Anna.

An image popped into Anna's head, one of Kristoff's dog, Sven, a German Shepherd puppy. When she, Rapunzel and Eugene had gone over to Kristoff's house for a project, as soon as they stepped over the threshold of his doorway, they had caught Sven urinating on the carpet with a deer-in-the-headlights look in his chocolate brown eyes.

This was Elsa right now, a puppy caught in the act of peeing on the carpet, so cute and innocent and adorable that Anna wanted to waltz right in front of her and seize her in a ferocious hug.

But she should probably help Elsa turn off the washer first; as much as Anna liked the magnificent layer of lather that almost reached her knees, she imagined that Elsa would have a heart attack soon if this went on for much longer, judging from the way Elsa was now assaulting the console of the poor machine with empty baskets in a desperate attempt to halt it.

She hiked over to Elsa, trekking through the forest of bubbles at her feet, and jabbed at a button. The background roar died down almost immediately, and Elsa just stared at her, astonishment dancing in blue irises.

"How did you do that?"

Anna considered how to answer. She could tease Elsa about what just happened, but she imagined that her sister was already embarrassed enough by this blunder, and she let out a soft chuckle. "There is a stop button right next to screen." Ariel was right; Elsa wasn't perfect. Even elegant, poised, perfect Elsa had moments where she was frantically stabbing at a washing machine, panicking in her attempt to turn it off as it continued to spew out foam.

"Oh." Elsa's platinum eyebrows relaxed in tentative relief, but still visibly unimpressed at her own blunder.

Even meticulous, careful Elsa occasionally made mistakes. Occasionally allowed her vulnerability to show. Mistakes, shmistakes. Just the prospect of Elsa making mistakes made her that much more perfect to Anna. That much more human, and that much more deserving of love. It was strange how Anna loved Elsa's imperfections as if it were perfection, but Anna imagined that somehow those flaws made Elsa even more perfect. Odd that any and all deficiencies contributed to an even more flawless image. Anna cleared her throat, trying to stop a smile from sneaking onto her lips. "So, uh, I see that you dumped the whole box of detergent into the washer." She gave in to the temptation to smile, and offered a lopsided grin as an escape route for Elsa's embarrassment.

She watched Elsa slide downward, curling into a slight fetal position on the sud-covered ground. Anna got to her knees in an unconscious reaction to be on the same level as Elsa.

She had no idea that Elsa took accidents so seriously. Or was it mistakes? This shouldn't even count as a mistake. That would just be silly. This was such a harmless thing that it was unthinkable for Elsa to take it so sensitively. They had a room full of soap and it looked  _fun_. Like an artificial winter wonderland. What the hell did Elsa have to feel bad about? Anna scooped a handful of bubbles and blew them at Elsa. "I love what you've done with the place," she said playfully.

Elsa blinked. "Why aren't you angry with me? I've made such a mess."

The way Elsa was peering at her, as if she were genuinely surprised at Anna's lack of ire, was so innocent and trusting that Anna couldn't help but smile. "I'm not. Why would I be? It's hard to explain how I feel about this, but angry is the last thing it is." That… didn't quite come out right. It felt as if she were walking on air, because she was with Elsa in a room filled with soapy bubbles. A room filled with  _bubbles_. Bubbles! She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in such a ridiculously silly situation with Elsa; their lives had since become filled with so much deceit and anguish that just sitting here with no lies between them was such a  _relief_.

Apparently Elsa had taken her words to mean that Anna didn't like what was happening, for she muttered a soft, "Sorry."

The wistful note of the air did not belong in a bubble-filled room. "I'm not angry!"

"I'm not the best judge of that. I've learned that people say things that they don't mean, sometimes. And I see every reason for you to be angry. We're covered in detergent."

"But I'm  _not_!" Exasperated, Anna threw a handful of foam at her, the soapy blob catching in Elsa's platinum blond hair.

Elsa brushed absentmindedly at it, and then ducked her head. "So you  _are_  angry."

Anna rolled her eyes. Elsa could be such a hamster sometimes. "No more lies between us, Elsa. I won't lie to make you feel better, if you promise to do the same for me. Besides, you read me like an open book. You know what I'm like when I'm angry. I'm surprised you can't tell."

Elsa shook her head. "Sometimes it's hard because people can lie." Then she straightened as she absorbed the rest of Anna's words, and her eyes softened. "But you wouldn't lie to me."

That statement could have been a question, but it wasn't. And the sheer realization of it made Anna's heart swell. That was the confidence Elsa had. Anna's grin grew wider. She pawed another clump of frothy detergent at Elsa.

Elsa batted it away with a skewed smile of her own, and the atmosphere quickly turned into one of lighthearted goofiness, accentuated only by giggles and surprised yelps as the girls flung balls of suds at each other, and suddenly they were in the snow, in the wintertime, young and childish. Carefree. A carefree that, Anna assumed, Elsa never had the luxury of exercising. Or maybe never had the permission to.

Well, Elsa had both now; Anna was determined to exploit every second of the time they had during their mother's absence, to repair the damage that their parents had wreaked, and to show Elsa how it felt to be loved. She dodged the glob Elsa had just thrown at her, and chucked herself at Elsa in retaliation. They landed on the floor, tossing up a cloud of soapy goodness.

"Is it just me, or are you assaulting me unusually often these days?" Elsa asked woodenly, voice muffled by Anna's shoulder.

Anna propped herself up on her elbows to stare at Elsa, slightly miffed. "'Assaulting' you?" Then a sly thought crossed her mind, and her smile turned devilish. "You won't know 'assault' until we've been in the same bed."

Elsa turned a bright crimson, and Anna watched the words sink in with smug satisfaction. Ah, so that was how to rattle Elsa's solid composure. Anna made a note to remember that for future endeavors as she basked in Elsa's unhinged expression. "Speaking of which," she whispered softly. It was the first time she was actively seducing a person, and she hoped it achieved the intended provocative effect, as opposed to making her look as silly as she felt. "Could we—"

"No!" Elsa almost squawked, turning a shade redder, as skittish as a startled hamster.

 _I am_ not _comparing my sister to a rodent._

But she couldn't help that the only real hamster she'd seen (as in, not on TV) was at Rapunzel's house, and its fur was almost the exact shade of blond as Elsa's hair, maybe only a smidge darker.

Well, hamster Elsa was now fidgeting, albeit tensely,  _under_  Anna, and the movement made Anna also want to squirm. She tumbled off of Elsa before the tingle in her belly developed into a full-blown bonfire, settling with a muffled squish as she tossed up more foam. She looked over at Elsa.

Her sister was in the process of a facepalm, or so it seemed to Anna. A hand with its thumb and fingers rested at opposite sides of Elsa's temples, its palm over the bridge of her nose. Anna could still make out traces of a delightful blush on Elsa's cheeks, and she was suddenly trying not to snicker. Flustered Elsa was so cute.

Evidence of her effect on Elsa empowered her, and Anna leaned over to plant a kiss on the side of Elsa's jaw. "So, what made you dump out the entire box of detergent?"

"It could be that I'm just stupid and didn't read the instructions," Elsa replied slowly.

Anna scoffed. "Yeah, right." She fixed Elsa with a hard look, determined to burn holes in Elsa's hand, in order to see through to those ice blue eyes.

"Stop. I can feel you drilling holes with your eyes." Sighing, Elsa surrendered two photographs, and Anna received them curiously.

One was the picture of her with the square snowman, the one that she had seen in her father's study, the one that she tried to destroy. She was still contemptuous toward it, tempted to destroy it, but that would come after she inspected the other picture.

She stopped. It was Elsa, perhaps eight or nine years old, sitting in front of the grand piano, fingers expertly resting on a chord, brushing the ivory keys with practiced prowess. Elsa had always been proficient at piano; hell, Elsa was good at  _everything_. She had been taught both the violin and the piano, but it was obvious that her natural talent lay in those immaculate keys.

But it was her expression that captivated Anna. The expression that she always bore while producing sweet music: sad. Even when Anna was small, she could tell that Elsa was always sad, especially when playing the piano. That was part of why the music Elsa delivered was always emotional, heartfelt, as if she understood the loneliness of the composers who translated their heartache into beautiful sound.

Anna had always thought their father had been proud of Elsa. And this was tangible proof.

Anna let out a long exhale. "He loved you, Elsa."

"He loved what I could do," Elsa asserted, carefully bitter. "Not who I was."

"Do you know what his favourite piece of music was?"

Elsa remained silent.

"I'll give you a hint; it's the same as mine," Anna whispered.

Then Elsa answered reluctantly: "Pachelbel's Canon in D."

"Right. You know why?"

"I'll wager it's something to do with the melody," Elsa countered warily.

Anna shook her head quickly. "Because when you played it, it sounded like harmony."

"That's why there are chords, Anna. For harmonizing."

"No," she negated impatiently. "I meant it sounded like peace. Like everything was right with the world, like there was no sickness, poverty, war, or anything. It was just you and your audience, no disturbances, no roadblocks. No challenges. I guess…it sounded like happiness.

"He'd always brag about how well you played," Anna continued. "Whenever he met with a business partner or some old acquaintance and they asked about us, he'd always tell them of your latest achievements. It was the most spirited he ever looked, was when he was talking about you."

She had meant to keep the envy out of her voice, because she was happy for Elsa, but it had seeped in unnoticed anyway. But she would be lying if she said she hadn't felt worthless whenever she watched her father talk about Elsa. This was unfair of her. This was about Elsa, not her. This was Elsa's chance to finally reconcile with her memory of their father.

It was curious how Elsa was oblivious about one thing, but acutely aware of another. Anna heard shuffling beside her, and soon Elsa was leaning over her, with a hand on either side of Anna's shoulders, kissing her.

It was also curious how Elsa could so easily make Anna forget about everything. Even before their lips met, when their eyes locked, Anna's breath hitched in her throat and her heart raced with impossible rapidity. She melted against Elsa's mouth, grateful that there was nowhere to escape to.

Again, Elsa pulled away ( _much too soon_ ), and breathed, "How did that make you feel?"

"Unsatisfied," Anna grumbled cheekily, eyes flying open and glaring at the enticing pink lips that were not on hers.

Elsa kissed her again, and this time Anna wrapped her arms around Elsa's shoulders. That, with the help of gravity, kept Elsa tightly pressed against her, which excited certain parts of her body, and sent a pleasing tingle down her spine. Anna decided that kissing Elsa was probably one of the best things ever, and it made everything better. They could be kissing in a blizzard and Anna concluded that she would feel just as delightfully content as she was now. She could kiss Elsa in front of a crowd of people, the whole world even, and still feel just as comforted and reassured as she was now.

She weaved her hands through the base of Elsa's braid, and just as she worked them down to the collar of Elsa's shirt, a hand as solid as steel gripped her wrists and stopped them from digging under the fabric.

"I think you're missing my point," Elsa muttered breathlessly, face less than an inch away from Anna's, movement impaired by Anna's arms still around her neck.

"Then you'd better repeat it," Anna retorted, heart flopping in disappointment.

It was Elsa's turn to roll off, and she did just so. Anna immediately missed the warmth of Elsa's body on top of hers, and she couldn't prevent a pout from forming on her lips.

"Look at us. We're a mess," Elsa sighed, flapping her hands and tossing fluff up at the ceiling. "All because of a father who supposedly loved us."

"He did love you," Anna grunted, reaching for Elsa's hand.

"And he loved you," Elsa mirrored. "I guess it takes the two of us to see it for one another."

"We're so blind," Anna added with a smile as she felt Elsa's fingers fit perfectly between hers, like the other half of a puzzle. "Also, I noticed that the outfit Ariel got for me is not present in my closet."

"Yes, I had Gerda smite that abominable thing to oblivion," Elsa replied cynically. "Way to change the subject."

"Oh, you know me. It just came to mind since we're in the laundry room and I'm short one outfit to seduce you into bed with." Anna realized what she'd said half a second after she'd said it, and turned an unprecedented shade of red. But she'd long since understood that she would have to be the one with initiative in a relationship when it came to Elsa.

However, Elsa had already beaten her to the punch and flushed a purplish pink, giving Anna her best impression of a salmon, with her mouth opening dumbly and snapping shut, only to open again and repeat the cycle. "I'm not sure that's an appropriate topic for the state of our relationship," Elsa choked.

"'The state of our relationship'," echoed Anna, rolling her eyes. "Are you still under the impression that we only met a couple days ago? Because I think that line of Shakespeare you quoted is reserved for  _that_  kind of relationship."

"We're not—"

"I've known you my whole life, Elsa. I know exactly what I'm getting."

"Do you?" Elsa's eyes narrowed into slits.

Was Elsa offended? "Is that what this is about? You think I don't know you? Are you scared you'll hurt me?"

And then a horrible thought occurred to her. "Are you scared  _I'll_  hurt  _you_?"

Elsa sat abruptly up with her back to Anna, head turned away. "No, Anna, of course not."

Anna was reluctant to press the veracity of Elsa's answer, simply because, one, she was slightly afraid that Elsa was lying, and, two, someone rang the doorbell at that moment. Anna didn't know whether to be glad or disappointed at the missed opportunity. She and Elsa could run as smoothly as greasy car wheels, or they could produce enough friction to burn right through the rubber.

They jumped up at the same time, as if the shrill cry of the bell produced electric currents that pulsated through the air and shocked their spines into standing status.

"I'll… get the door," Elsa said, walking as though she had her vertebral column replaced with a steel pole.

"I'll… close this door," Anna mumbled, to no one. She shut the door to the laundry room, telling herself it was because she didn't want the foam to spill out onto the hallway, not because she wanted to shut out the latter part of their conversation.

The visitor was Gerda, carrying bags of groceries. "Hello dears, Ms. del Rey informed me that you girls might be starving to death, so I brought you some healthy food."

Elsa took them from her, "Thank you so much, Gerda. Anna has us living on watermelon and mango juice. You may have saved my life."

Anna tried to regain her usual liveliness as she leaned against the wall at the mouth of the hallway. Elsa was much better at acting than she was. To her credit, she did manage, "Watermelon is good for cardiovascular health." Then she grinned, but only succeeded in a grimace.

Gerda's gaze oscillated between the sisters curiously, and then her smile became assuming. "Have a good night, girls."

The slamming of the door seemed to jolt Anna's memory. She backpedaled down the hall.

"Where are you going?" Called Elsa from behind her.

Well, there was no escaping it now. Might as well be truthful. "I might have left something in your room." She opened the door to Elsa's room braced herself for a storm of wrathful fire.

An arm blocked her access. " _My_  room? What were you doing in my room?"

At least Elsa didn't sound as angry as Anna expected. She sighed and gestured toward the bed. "See for yourself." Then crossed the hall and locked herself in her own room.

But Elsa's voice still permeated through the door. The voice that could pluck her up from heaven and plunge her right into hell. And vice versa. "Are you applying for a job?" Her tone was pure amusement at the moment, so far so good. Then there was a moment of silence where Anna could only hear the apprehensive pound of her heart in her ears.

A knock rumbled through the door. "Anna, open up."

Elsa sounded strangely neutral. Well, if Anna had pondered rationally about it, Elsa really had nothing to be upset about. She slid the door open a crack and cautiously peered through.

She watched her sister shake the papers in her hand. And lift a gorgeous eyebrow. "A 'cuddle' application?"

Anna groaned internally, for the teasing was definitely not far behind. "Look, I—"

"'Cuddler: Anna Arendelle', 'Cuddle-ee: Elsa Arendelle'," Elsa read, her eyes brushing the paper with their mirthful light, "'The skills and abilities that would make me perfect for this job:

"'I am a good cuddler.'

"'I have previous experience in cuddling.'

"'I am awesome.'"

Elsa smiled, and Anna couldn't find any trace of sarcasm or cynicism, "The best part? You wrote this with your royal blue crayon."

Because it had been Elsa's favourite coloured crayon when they were kids, so Anna hoped that it would play some part, no matter how miniscule, in swaying Elsa's decision.

When Anna remained in silent discomfort, Elsa pushed the door open wider. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but you never mentioned you wanted to cuddle."

"It was implied when I asked to sleep with you," Anna mumbled in a dejected response.

She should have known, but when push came to shove, Elsa never crossed boundaries set by precedent. Elsa never teased  _too_  much. "I might be a little confused, but what exactly did you mean by 'sleep'?"

Anna's toes dug into the rug beneath her feet. She watched them wiggle, wishing that she could be hiding under the carpet instead of standing on top of it. Which was probably no less conspicuous, but at least there would be some armour between her and Elsa's scrutinizing gaze. But Anna was known for her boldness in the face of adversity. "Are we girlfriends, Elsa? Is that what we are now?"

There was some shuffling of paper as Elsa crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. "If you want to put a label to it, I guess. You could also call us sisters, best friends, family."

"Then by 'sleep', I meant the kind that all of the above do." Then she bit her tongue when it tried to elaborate.

To her surprise, Elsa laughed. "Not tonight. But maybe we could start with the friend kind."

"Why not tonight? You said we could start—"

"Good night, Anna," Elsa said, still smiling, and that was how Anna knew that was the end of it.

"Good night, Elsa."

* * *

_I don't want them meeting you._

By extension, Elsa had probably meant she didn't want Anna anywhere near those board members, a small voice in Anna's head chided as she neared the address that she had swiped a picture of from Elsa's laptop.  _But she didn't say that I'm not_ allowed _to meet them, right?_

But no matter how she tried to twist Elsa's words in a vain attempt to rationalize her decision, she couldn't manage to dispel the pool of dread that had formed in the pit of her gut as she imagined how enraged Elsa would be that she deliberately went out of her way to backstab her promise. Elsa never cut corners, especially when it came to Anna's safety—the thought was both fear-inspiring and heartwarming.

Yet, here she was, at the mouth of the tiger's den.

It's not like she enjoyed ignoring Elsa's request. But she wanted—maybe even more than Elsa did—for this dream to be realized, and there were two glaring obstacles in their way: Cruella De Vil and Shan Yu.

_Enter, talk, exit. Enter, talk, exit. Go in, chat, go out. Go in, chat, go out. Rinse. Repeat._

But there was no way it was going to be that easy; Anna was not so naïve that she thought everything would be as simple as that.

Was she really so silly to think that she could persuade Cruella De Vil from the side of opposition? There was a voice in her head that was telling her absolutely not. If Elsa couldn't, what chance did Anna have?

Yet Anna would not be able to live with herself if she didn't die trying. She wasn't about to sit idly by, twiddling her thumbs as Elsa went about braving the stormy weather in her usual stoic manner. Gallant, yes, like Anna's own knight in shining armour, but she was old enough to know that even heroes had the right to bleed. That they could, and would. For she had seen evidence enough of that already.

And she knew at once that this would not be easy, as soon as she laid wide eyes on the towering office building that rivalled the height of Arendelle Corp's, pupils constricting as they adjusted to the bright summer sun. Her gaze oscillated between the extravagant glass doors and the rest of the humongous pride of modern engineering. If the size of the edifice was a testament to its owner's ego, then this was definitely going to be more complicated than Anna was anticipating.

Which was why, against her better judgement, she had enlisted the help of her friends. Anna guessed she should have expected that with a structure this big, with a woman that rich, even finding her way into Cruella's office would be a labourious struggle.

With Rapunzel, Aurora, Megara, and Merida trailing behind her, Anna confidently pushed open the heavy glass doors and strode toward the receptionist behind a tall marble desk in the front atrium. The man behind the counter (his nameplate read 'Jasper') looked at them, long nose scrunching in distaste as he surveyed the group.

"We're not buying any cookies," he said, almost a scoff, as he dismissed them by turning his brief attention back to the papers in front of him.

"We're not selling," Anna interjected, patience almost immediately exhausted by the sheer arrogance of this man. "We're here to see Mrs. De Vil."

He glanced up again, scrutinizing the group of ladies demanding his attention, and his acknowledgement dissipated again. "Invitation?"

Anna exchanged a wary glance with Rapunzel. Was this woman so important that she could only be reached by invitation? What happened to the good old days when all one needed was an appointment? "We don't have an invitation."

He waved them off, not bothering to look back up. "No invitation from Mrs. De Vil, no appointment with Mrs. De Vil. No appointment with Mrs. De Vil, no meeting with Mrs. De Vil."

Why was everyone involved in business a condescending bastard? Anna slammed her hands down onto the granite counter and leaned forward, "I need to speak with Mrs. De Vil," she insisted.

"No invitation, no meeting."

There was a thud as a body hit the ceramic tiles of the floor. Anna turned, but not before ensuring smugly that the noise had also attracted the attention of Mr. Snooty. Aurora had collapsed onto the ground, with a bewildered, albeit guilty-looking, security guard, and Megara hovering over her.

"What did you do to her?" Meg challenged, hands on her hips, acting (in Anna's opinion) extremely critical and accusatory.

The security guard held up his arms in frantic surrender. "I—I didn't do anything! I just brushed by her!"

Rapunzel glared at Mr. Snooty. "Do you have an emergency room? Maybe she could rest up there a while we figure out exactly what happened." When he opened his mouth to protest, Rapunzel added, "You wouldn't want Mrs. De Vil's precious reputation to be marred by the unjust treatment of minors, would you?"

The man named Jasper made an annoyed grunt and got up from his desk to stride over to Aurora's prone figure. "Follow me."

As soon as he left the desk, Merida slipped behind and with lightening speed, searched his drawers for the key card that granted access to the elevators. As soon as she found it, she waved it at Anna like a magic wand, and they crept to the elevator. Rapunzel and Megara did their jobs, blocking Mr. Snooty's line of vision from the medical office.

By the time he noticed—if he did, at all—that two girls were missing, Anna and Merida would be long gone, on the floor of Cruella De Vil's office.

If Anna had thought the top floor of Arendelle Corp's HQ was extravagant, it was blown out of the water by the intricate patterns of gold on the adorned walls and diamond-laced carpet that greeted her.

"Wow," Merida breathed, stepping out of the elevator with Anna.

Anna also hadn't expected armed guards lined along the walls, a miscalculation on her part. She guessed there may have been many people who did not harbour respectable intentions towards Mrs. De Vil.

"Halt," said a stocky man who approached them. His belly fat was almost bulging out of his suit, giving his body a more three-dimensional appearance than most people. "You don't have an appointment."

Anna gathered, from the egotistical appearance and the nameplate on his chest that said, 'Horace', that he was Mrs. De Vil's PA. "Yes, I do," she snapped, in an attempt to seem like Cruella's typical visitors.

"Look, I don't know how you tricked your way up here, but you must leave now."

Anna didn't see any way around this short, fat obstacle, as she took in her surroundings. There was only one office on this floor, and it was straight down the hall—the exact hall that was being blocked.

But she didn't have to come up with some clever diversion, or make up a lie because just then, Horace pressed a hand to the earpiece Anna hadn't noticed, and muttered, "Yes, Ma'am?—No, no one. It was just a mistake. What—are you certain? No, no, no of course I'm not questioning—yes, I understand." He turned back to them. "She will see you—" He pointed to Anna. "But not you," he finished, gesturing to Merida. "You can wait out here. Come with me…" He flung a glance at her.

"Anna."

"Ms. Anna," he finished, leading her toward the far end of the corridor. "I need to put you through a security check before I let you in, if you don't mind."

It probably didn't matter even if she did mind, his asking was just a formality—if she wanted to see Mrs. De Vil, then she would have to subject herself and her belongings to screening by the machine.

After making thoroughly sure that he was not allowing an armed criminal into his boss's office, Horace led Anna into the room at the end of the hall. It was similar to her mother's office, Anna realized, in the glass wall and the view—what was it with corporate leaders and towering over the rest of the city? Did they need the height to ensure that they were above everyone else?

As Cruella De Vil, clad in her long fur coat turned to face her, Anna suddenly grasped how far out of her comfort zone she was. This wasn't her thing at all. Talking—she barely made coherent words, her speech was gibberish most of the time, and it was a miracle that her friends and Elsa could even understand her—okay, she was getting sidetracked here. But this was Elsa's, not hers, and never had it been anything to do with her. Talking with people, presenting persuading arguments—that was never Anna's element. In fact, she actually had no idea where her strengths lay.

"Uh, President (was she supposed to be addressed as President? Anna assumed every business leader was to be address as President) De Vil…" Her mouth went dry as her face was repeatedly pierced by sharp, onyx eyes—just as solid and cold as stone. "My name is—"

"Ms. Arendelle, I am fully aware of who you are. President Arendelle's sister, and my dear friend Alana Arendelle's youngest," Cruella's temperament seemed mild, but her voice was as hostile as the jaws of a rabid dog. "Do not waste my time. Tell me why you are standing here uninvited, unwelcome."

Well, the sooner she got her point across, the sooner she could get out of here. Anna took a deep breath and began, "It's about my sister's proposal. I was wondering if you could let it slide without protest?" She could have worded that better. She definitely could have worded that better. She braced herself for the jaws to clamp on her head.

"Young lady, you are out of your mind. You think you can just come waltzing in here and telling me what to do?"

Yup, she really should have worded that better. This she had expected, though, and had appropriately planned for. "Not without a price," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. How did Elsa make it seem so easy? "I understand that for a benefit, there must be a price."

"And you think the price of my compliance is something you can pay, is it?" Cruella replied with glacial neutrality, although she was most likely annoyed—or worse, offended at Anna's presumptuousness. To be fair, who wouldn't be? Offending people seemed to be one of Anna's skills of late. "Do you realize the losses that the foundation could suffer if I allow that undisciplined sister of yours free rein? Even your family's fortune would not be able to cover it."

Insults to herself Anna could tolerate, but slandering Elsa's proficiency? Watching Elsa depreciate herself is enough; Anna didn't need it from others. She would gladly mutate into a rabid dog herself to defend her sister, if that was what it took. "I'm not saying to give her complete control. Just—just to be a little more tolerant of mistakes. Please don't threaten her position if she gets a single number wrong, or if she overlooks something. Help her, don't discourage her. Please."

"You're saying to be more  _tolerant_  of mistakes? Did your father not teach your sister to not make a single mistake?" Cruella took one of the beads of the pearl necklace dangling from her neck between her fingers, thoughtfully rolling it around the pad of her thumb. She looked at Anna expectantly. "It's because a single mistake could potentially ruin the company."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Anna managed to stutter. "I'm just saying it would be more beneficial to the company, and by extension, yourself, if you were to support my sister instead of criticizing her every move. She's a genius, a prodigy, and I know if you work with her you'd be benefitting yourself more than you know."

"You still haven't answered my earlier question," Cruella said. "The price is more than you can afford."

"Well, I was hoping I could do you a favour. And in return, you'd do me a favour."

Anna watched as Cruella tilted her head back in a callous laugh. " _You_? Do  _me_  a favour? Tell me, is there anything special about you that makes a favour from you so valuable?"

That was something Anna had been asking herself this entire time. There really was nothing Anna could do for Cruella that Cruella couldn't hire someone for. She chewed on her bottom lip, racking her brain for anything special, anything at all, that only she could do. Someone knocked on the door, and Anna could only assume that it was Horace.

"I think we are done here," Cruella De Vil declared, the corners of her lips turning down. Then she invited her PA in while dismissing Anna with a flutter of her gloved hand.

"Lars called," Anna heard Horace say, as she moved to exit the room. What choice did she have? She had become invisible already anyway. "Apparently money doesn't speak as loud as Ivy and Cecil. She quit."

Anna could sit herself in front of the office door until Cruella complied, but she imagined that would only succeed in getting her thrown out.

"So find someone else," Cruella snapped impatiently.

"Ma'am, there  _is_  no one else."

"Wait."

Anna hadn't realized that the command was directed at her until Horace put a hand to her should to stop her. She looked back. "Yes?"

Ms. De Vil was wearing a face riddled with disdain. "You are available for the rest of the summer?"

Anna nodded tentatively. She had no plans for anything this summer.

Cruella threw a glance at Horace, and he jumped. "Her, President? Are you su—" He was silenced by a pointed glare.

Anna looked at them curiously. "Is there a way in which I can be of assistance?"

The stout man spoke up. "The President has a niece and a nephew who need babysitting this summer. Unfortunately, they have scared away all of their previous caretakers. If you agree to this job, the pay is—"

"If you can last the summer, I'll grant your favour," Cruella interrupted. "I will need a criminal record check and a couple of documents signed, but you can start tomorrow."

Anna decided she was going to last this summer even if it killed her.

After all, they were just kids. How hard could it be?

* * *

"What happened to you?" Elsa asked, looking up from her laptop as Anna trudged into the condo with her hair horribly tousled, her face and clothes covered in flour, and her jeans soaked with mud. "Don't die before you graduate," she joked as Anna wandered wearily across the living room, toward the hall. "You're almost there."

Anna managed a half-smile, face muscles so tired from forcing smiles that it kind of hurt to even try now. Two kids. They were just two kids! A seven year old and a nine year old. How the hell did they manage to get the better of her?

Anna scratched her head, dislodging bits of flour and cookie dough from her hair and onto the floor of the shower.

Was it when they had set a trap for her in the garden of the De Vil mansion, and lured her into a puddle of mud that was knee-deep? What kind of puddle was knee-deep?! It had to have been dug in advance. Anna was just thankful that she had not slipped face-first into the murky water.

She gasped in relief at the sensation of clean water clearing away all the grime and dirt from her body.

Or was it when they sprayed flour and water all over the kitchen floor, when she tried to make them a snack, ignoring every single thing she'd pled of them? One of these days, she was going to convince Elsa that they were never going to have kids. Never. Ever, ever, ever. Not in a million years. If they did, it would be over Anna's dead body.

Two kids. More like twin tornadoes. Everything they touched turned to disaster. Now she could see why every babysitter they'd had before ran screaming from that mansion, why daycares were afraid to house them. That was what she wanted to do too: run screaming from that cursed house with her arms flapping in the air. And she was stuck with them for twelve hours straight. Twelve. Hours. For sixty more days. Sixty. Days. If she weren't so bad at math, she'd total how many hours that really was.

If she ever saw their faces again, she would punch out a wall. And she would have to see them every single day for the rest of the summer. Talking with those kids, reasoning with them, it was like asking a volcano not to explode. Impossible. She wasn't sure she would be entirely sane at the other end of the summer,  _if_  she even managed to cling to life that long.

But this was for Elsa, so even if it killed her, she would see it through.

She hadn't even remembered to ask Elsa about Ursula and Morgana.

* * *

"Where have you been these days? Don't you want to celebrate your birthday? I booked us a nice restaurant."

_Sorry, Elsa. Too tired._

"Anna, ever since graduation, you've been so busy and coming home so tired every night. What's going on?"

_I can't tell you, yet, I'm sorry._

"Anna, I'm a little worried about you."

_I'm fine._

One night, after Anna had come home from yet another long day of torture, Elsa finally asserted, "Anna, I'm going to appoint you bodyguards for the rest of the summer. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner, but I really should have."

"Elsa, I'm fine," Anna groaned. She could not allow Elsa to appoint guards. They would undoubtedly reveal what she had been doing, and she was sure if Elsa got wind of it, she would pull Anna out so fast that the jaws of a rabid dog wouldn't even have time to clamp shut. Anna needed to do this. She needed to do this. "Please, I don't need bodyguards. I'll be safe."

"Yeah, right," Elsa scoffed. "I see those scrapes on your knees and elbows every time you come home. I see the bags forming under your eyes. Whatever you're doing, Anna, I just want to make sure you're safe. Please."

"I'm not doing anything dangerous," Anna smiled, trying to look and sound convincing. "Just…"

"Just?"

"Playing with kids," she confessed. That wasn't too far from the truth, so she could calm the voice in her head that was viciously accusing her, shrieking at her, of lying to Elsa. It wasn't a complete lie, she told herself. It was the only way she could condone what she was doing.

"You promise that's all you're doing," Elsa said, narrowing her eyes doubtfully.

The screaming didn't stop. "Promise."

* * *

Then one night, when she came home tired and weary as always, she found Elsa by the kitchen counter, angrily butchering a watermelon. She could always tell when Elsa was angry; fury seemed to naturally come off of Elsa in red-hot waves. So hot that it was almost tangible.

"You were at the De Vil mansion," Elsa said slowly. It wasn't a question.

How did Elsa know? The answer came in the form of a horrendous realization. Elsa hadn't trusted her. "You had me followed." That wasn't a question, either. "You don't trust me?" She heard herself involuntarily asking.

Elsa glared at her, ruby rage burning through her irises. "You lied to me. You think I should trust you?" Her voice was dripping with outrage.

That was a fair point, but Anna's exhausted brain did not need this right now. "Please, Elsa," she said, "I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" Elsa growled, "I  _warned_  you about Cruella De Vil, I  _warned_  you about how dangerous she was, I  _told_ you to  _stay away_!"

"You don't even know what I'm doing!" Anna replied, her own indignity showing. The way Elsa was talking to her, looking at her—just like Anna was an ignorant little kid who still needed protecting—just like…just like a disobedient servant who poured skim milk instead of cream into her tea. Elsa…was accusing her of  _disobeying_?

"Then tell me," Elsa snapped.

What was Anna going to say?  _I'm babysitting Cruella's nephew and niece, because I need her to do me a favour in return, because I want her to help you instead of stop you. Because_ Infinity _might be more important to me than it is to you, because it's the only dream you've ever had._

Elsa would no doubt deem that insignificant and forbid her from ever going near the De Vil mansion ever again—Elsa never hesitated to use her condescending 'President' voice when she truly thought that Anna was endangering herself. There had only been a few occasions when Elsa really  _commanded_  her to do anything. But with Elsa, the difference between a command and a request was as vast as the Pacific Ocean to the west.

And she knew that Elsa wouldn't want her doing this. Was hurting Elsa now worth the help that they would obtain later, if Anna succeeded? She decided it was. "I—I can't," she said finally. "Can I tell you after I'm done? Can you just trust me, and let me go on doing this?"

"Let you go on doing what? Getting hurt at the De Vil mansion? Coming home every night half-dead with bruises on your arms and scrapes on your knees? No, Anna, I will not. You will stop going to the De Vil mansion, do you hear me?"

There it was. The  _command_. Elsa rarely ever attacked Anna with these. Elsa rarely exercised her indisputable authority as heir and elder. And Anna hated every time Elsa did. She understood that Elsa was just trying to protect her, but this time Elsa needed to trust her. Like how Anna trusted her before, when the doors were closed.

So they were both shocked, when Anna declared, "No."

"Then I'm going to appoint bodyguards who will keep you away from that place," Elsa said, eyes cold. "I'm not going to let you keep hurting yourself, Anna."

"Elsa, please, just trust that I know what I'm doing."

But Anna should have known that believing in the unknown was impossible for Elsa, especially when she saw everything in frozen facts. Elsa based her decisions on logic, not emotion. "Why, Anna? Why are you doing this?"

"I… I want—to help you." That much was true, at least.

"Is that what this is about? Are you doing some dirty favour for Cruella De Vil so that she will refrain from giving me a hard time?" Anna watched as Elsa's fists balled at her sides.

Her own hands twitched at the mention of 'dirty favour'. Did Elsa think so low of her? What did she think Anna was doing? Not a shred of Anna's intentions were selfish, but the way Elsa spat the words out like they were poison made it seem like Anna was doing it all for her own benefit.

"I don't need you to meddle," Elsa continued, still livid. "Just go on with your own business, and stop sticking your nose in mine!"

The word 'meddle' was 'hitting below the belt', so to speak. Up until this moment, Anna was being as patient as her wired brain would allow, but the word 'meddle' was the bullet that shredded her tattered tolerance. "What gives you the right to talk to me like I'm still a little kid who needs you to clean up my messes? 'Meddling'. Is that what you think I'm doing? You think your business and my business, you think they're so distinct that I can separate one from the other?

"You still think I'm causing trouble for you, don't you? To you, I've always been the troublemaker, the one who makes messes for you to clean up. Is that right?"

Sapphire flints stared back at her. "You've certainly given me no evidence to suggest otherwise."

Anna flinched. "If I'm such a problem for you, why didn't you just let me drown, when I was eleven? Why didn't you let just Hans kill me?" She regretted the words the moment her mind conjured them, but she couldn't stop them from spilling out. She was crying now, crying because she was afraid that what she was saying was true. That Elsa really did see her as a nuisance, as a troublemaker, as a burden. And that was all she'd ever been, wasn't it, to Elsa? "It would have saved you all the trouble I'm causing for you now!"

She watched as Elsa's composure cracked as the cruel words found their mark, and she hated herself even more. Elsa walked toward her, eyes dark and angry, and for a second Anna was afraid that Elsa would strike her. But Elsa would never, and she didn't; she merely strode past Anna, the slight limp in her gait causing their shoulders to brush ever so slightly. Anna was frozen to the ground as she was hit with the wind carrying Elsa's scent, and she couldn't melt the ice around her until she heard the front door close with a faint click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I stole the laundry scene from a particular movie. Props to you if you know which one that is ;)


	36. Family

"So after I said that, she kind of just walked out, and I haven't seen her since..."

"God dammit, Anna!" Ariel threw her arms up in extreme frustration. "Why the hell would you say that? That's like tossing all the effort you've put into your relationship with her straight out the window into the fiery pit of hell."

"I've sort of been asking myself that, too," Anna replied, hugging the down pillow that was crushed between her arms even tighter. Her body ached all over, and it was not just from the abuse that she was enduring from those two insufferable chunks of flesh that were supposed to pass for children. A different kind of ache was pulsating through her, one she could only attribute as longing, because a piece of her was missing, leaving a bottomless hole that wouldn't heal over. In fact, the more time passed, the more it seemed to widen.

She missed Elsa's warmth beside her on the couch, when they were lazily lounging around, doing nothing productive but everything constructive. She missed the sound of Elsa's breathing, the soft pound of her heart that sped up ever so slightly whenever Anna dipped her head close enough to hear it. She missed the soothing chime that was Elsa's laugh, the soft lullaby that was Elsa's voice.

Well, that was Anna's own fault, wasn't it? If she hadn't said those horrible things—

"But it was only because Elsa was treating me like—like—like I was one of her subjects! Like my opinion didn't matter, like I'm a pest that she would love to kill but can't. So I only said what she was feeling! I bet she wishes I was dead." With that, the sniffles came again, with no less force than they had when Elsa walked out on her a week ago. "I bet she hates me now."

_Dammit, pull yourself together._

"Well, you deserve it, don't you?" Ariel growled. "You even stood her up on your birthday."

And Anna would be lying if she said she didn't.

"I'm sorry!" She suddenly cried.

Ariel glared at her. "Don't apologize to me! Apologize to that girl whose eyes turn to liquid warmth whenever they look at you!"

But she couldn't.

After Anna's week of enacting a war of who-could-ignore-the-other-the-longest with Elsa, Gerda had apparently called Ariel regarding the sisters' bizarre behaviour of the past two weeks (Anna had managed to hide what she was doing for a week before Elsa had her followed), and an exasperated Ariel had deemed it important enough to return from whatever she was doing with her father in Atlanta. Or maybe she had just had enough of their utter stupidity (Anna would think she had been fed up a  _looong_ time ago).

"You  _said_  she asked you to tell her what you were doing, so why didn't you?"

Anna sprung forward from her spot on the couch, leaving a slowly refilling dent in the leather. "Because! No matter what I told her, she would never have agreed to me doing it, which is why I hid it from her in the first place!"

Ariel looked at her, allegation and comprehension creeping into her sea-green eyes. "Then you don't trust Elsa either, do you?"

Anna gaped at her. "What? Of course I do! Th-that's different!"

"You didn't tell her what you were doing because you were sure that she wouldn't agree with you. You didn't trust her with this information, and you didn't trust that she would understand. You didn't even bother explaining it, did you? Because you 'knew' you wouldn't be able to rely on her."

All these definitions were making Anna's battered brain swim, thoughts spinning like a carousel out of control. "I trusted her even when I had no idea what was going on with her! For fourteen years!"

"I think you've confused 'trusting' and 'believing'. Believing in her is different from trusting her, Anna. If Elsa were coming home everyday with injuries on her elbows and knees, would you condone what she was doing? Maybe you'd believe that whatever she's doing is most likely sensible and rational, but would you  _trust_  her to let her continue doing it? That's what trust is, Anna. Putting the thing you love most into the hands of another, and knowing that they will keep it safe."

Anna rubbed her eyes and stifled a yawn. Seriously, twelve insufferable hours with two insufferable kids was more than enough to leave her crawling back into the condo at the end of the day, and she did not need this discussion right now. Ironically, the fatigue did grant her peaceful sleep, and sleep was the only time of the day when she didn't miss Elsa. If she had a choice, she'd sleep through all her Elsa-less days.

At least Ariel could read body language better than Elsa. She got up from her seat across from Anna, and gave the younger girl a pat on the head, which elicited the return of the sniffles. Anna couldn't remember the last time Elsa had done that for her. "Have you tried talking to her?" Ariel asked, as she collected her things from the closet by the doorway.

"I'm too busy," Anna wailed, "and she's too busy."

"You're never too busy for texts, Anna," Ariel said, pulling on her jacket. Although it was July, the night was still chilly enough to warrant an extra layer. "You haven't texted her at all, have you?"

Anna stared at the ground, watching her toes wiggle and dig into the soft fur of the white sheepskin rug. She did owe Elsa an apology; that was for sure. But she didn't want Elsa to think it was for what she was doing, not what she had said. She was not sorry that she had gone to meet Cruella De Vil behind Elsa's back, and she wasn't sorry that she was coming home with harmless bruises and scrapes every night. And evidently, Elsa wasn't going to back down either; her silence was a testament to that.

"Just talk to her, Anna?" Ariel sighed from the doorway. Anna wondered if Ariel was having déjà vu, for she was sure Ariel had admonished the same of Elsa only a month ago. "Elsa can be stubborn as an ox sometimes, but I'm sure you know that already."

"No," Anna shook her head with the miniscule remainder of her energy, "I'm not apologizing for what I'm doing."

As if she were psychic, Ariel asserted, "But you do need to apologize for what you said. God, Anna, does stupidity run in the family? You do know that Elsa lov—" she paused, and corrected, "— _needs_  you more than her own life, right?"

Really? Because Anna hadn't seen much evidence of that save for the suspicious men in black that were tailing her from the moment she left the condo building. Which, in all honesty, was just another hurdle for her, because she had to spend extra time trying to lose them. But there was no way she was going to back down from this, and she knew that deep down, Elsa wasn't going to agree anytime soon. "Good night, Ariel," Anna said, with half a mind to just curl up on the sofa and save herself the work of lugging herself to Elsa's bedroom (where she had been wallowing in self-pity but unable to leave it because it was the closest thing to Elsa she had. Pathetic, right?).

"Good night," Ariel smiled back, and moved to leave. Then she stopped halfway. "I don't know if you absorbed anything I said tonight, but I'd like to leave one more thought with you. The reason Elsa has trouble trusting you is because, well, she's afraid of putting the one thing she loves most in anyone's hands but hers."

"What, herself?" Anna asked dryly.

"No, you stupid idiot. You." Then the door clicked shut.

She finally understood Elsa's comment about emptiness. Without Elsa there, the whole house was cold and hollow. It didn't matter that Anna was still there. It was like an all-or-nothing kind of thing. Both of them there made the house full to the brim, but if one was missing it wasn't even half empty. There was just…nothing. Plain old nothing.

Anna hugged herself, the downy pillow clutched tightly between her knees and her chest. That did stick with her—more like stabbed her, actually, and tears pricked at her eyes (which would have resulted in the fifth night in a row where she cried herself to sleep—definitely pathetic). And then she had an idea, a thought, an urge, a craving that she couldn't ignore. Springing to her feet, she ran to Elsa's room, grabbed the soft, sky-blue comforter, and raced out the door, sparing only a moment to dash the moisture out of her eyes with the back of her hand.

She cleared the stairs in an instant, and arrived at the rooftop, surprising herself with the amount of energy this idea lit inside her. She collapsed on her back, head resting on the pillow with the comforter wrapped snugly around her, eyes fixed on a cluster of white Christmas lights in the black canvas, blinking hopefully at it as if there was a gift to be found beneath them.

Which, in a sense, there was.

Then she closed her eyes, a single teardrop making its way out under the lids.

* * *

 

"Mark, there seems to be a hurricane at the doors of the lobby," Elsa grumbled into her phone. Though she had been expecting it, she did not need this right now. Or ever.

"I don't see anything, President," Mark said back.

"Please, don't let anything into my office," Elsa ordered defeatedly, knowing that no force was great enough to stop a hurricane of this magnitude.

Sure enough, within minutes she was hearing the approach of a whirlwind.

"Ms. del Rey, you know you're always welcome, but even you have to abide by rules! The President does not wish to be disturbed right now, so I'm sorry, but—"

Elsa heard the impatient snap of Ariel's voice, and measured the beat of her own heart against the frenzy of furious footsteps that were nearing her office.

"Well, your President has to know that she doesn't always get what she wants. Now get out of the way before you become collateral damage."

She didn't hear any further protest from Mark; she knew firsthand how frightening Ariel could be when she was angry. And angry, she was indeed.

So Elsa waited until her door exploded open to a red-faced Ariel and an apologetic Mark. She turned to face her friend, and dismissed her PA with a wave of her arm. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why her friend had cut her trip back home short, but then again, that wasn't something Elsa was ready to discuss. She braced herself for Ariel's volley of outrage.

"What the  _hell_ , Elsa?"

Well, there it was. Those words sank into her like salt on an open wound, and Ariel hadn't even broached the topic yet. But acting was what Elsa was good at, so without missing a beat, she smiled and asked, "How was your trip, Ariel? How's your leg?" Probably wonderful, judging by the forceful way Ariel had barged in.

"Oh, so I'm speaking with run-away-from-everything Elsa. It's nice to know," Ariel hissed, eyes narrowing. "Here I thought you'd maybe grown up just a smidge, but you're still the same coward who's afraid to face yourself."

Elsa's jaw twitched. So this is how they were going to play it, then. "I was trying to be courteous."

"You're being courteous to the wrong person."

She heaved a sigh, "I suppose you're here to rebuke me? I suggest you skip that; I can already guess what you're going to say. Everything's fine."

"Is this is how it's going to be? You, back to pretending all's good and well? I didn't have you figured for a complete idiot, Elsa. Is it time to reevaluate?"

"If that's all you're here for, then you're free to leave, Ariel. I don't need this right now."

"No, you don't," Ariel agreed bitterly, "You've thrown away what you do need. Really, Elsa, what the hell? Why do you always wait for something bad to happen before you talk to her? The longer you wait, the more it's going to fester, and you know that!"

"I'm not apologizing," Elsa said flatly, arms crossed. She held Ariel's narrowed eyes steadily, despite the angry throb of some invisible cut protesting against her.

"My god, the two of you are like children! 'She started it'! It's not about that, Elsa! I'm not asking you to apologize. I'm asking you to  _talk_  to her! Figure out a solution that works for both of you! Do you even understand what communication is?

"I know you want to protect her. I get that. But wouldn't it be easier if she's  _willing_? The way it is now, you're trying to force her! And now you've ended up in a chasm that neither of you wants to be in, but neither of you wants to ask for the other's help to get out. Do you see my position here?"

"Yes," Elsa said. And she didn't say any more. Couldn't.

There was a heavy sigh, like air escaping from a swollen balloon. "The girl that's busting her ass trying to help you is the best thing that's ever happened to you, Elsa, and don't even try to deny that."

She didn't, because she didn't allow herself to dwell on that sentiment long enough for it to draw blood. "I didn't ask her to," she conceded instead.

"Yeah? Well,  _she_  sure as hell didn't ask you to be the heir for her, either. She didn't ask you to carry all of the pressure, did she? You've been doing for her what she's trying to do for you, weren't you? So why won't you let her do the same?"

"Because!" Elsa ejected, as if the word in itself were an adequate answer.

Ariel looked her pointedly, and Elsa relented again, "I don't want her involved in any of this. That's why  _I_ do it."

"But again, Elsa, you decided that without her input! Without even hearing her side of the story! You really don't trust her at all, do you?"

"I do," she insisted, eyes as intense as her confidence in the statement.

"Then why can't you trust that she knows what she's doing?"

"Because I don't want her to do any of this in the first place! My point, Ariel, is that the people my family are involved with—they're dangerous! I've been trying my entire life to keep her out of this world, to give her a 'normal' life—"

"Normal?" Ariel echoed with undisguised contempt, the word turning into poison on her tongue. "You think she wants 'normal'? Birthday parties and sleepovers—you think that's what she wants? My god, Elsa, you are so much more idiotic than I figured you for."

Elsa was lost for a moment—sincerely and utterly confused. She discarded her battle armour and let herself stare blankly in genuine surprise. "What?"

"And you're supposed to be this genius heir of some billionaire corporation? God dammit, Elsa! How is it that you couldn't see such an obvious truth? A truth that has been right under your nose for eighteen years?"

"What?" Elsa spewed again. Then she straightened and donned her barriers once more. "Really, Ariel, I have better things to do than trying to decipher what it is that I'm apparently too blind to see. Because I have to be at a conferen—"

"'Normal' is never something that Anna's wanted, Elsa! All she's ever wanted—" Elsa imagined warily that it may be hard to get words out between gritted teeth. "—All she's ever wanted is to just be with her older sister!"

The statement was almost devastating in all its authenticity; it was as tangible and painful as a incendiary arrow that pierced through the crack in her walls, effortlessly shattering all of her resolve, leaving a trail of hot ash in its wake.

Wow. Wow. The moment the words reached Elsa's ear was the moment she realized their truthfulness. There was no doubt that all Anna has ever tried to do was to be closer to Elsa. Elsa closed her eyes, feeling the cold steel of truth carve its shapeless mark into her. Had she really been that blind? All this time, she had believed Anna had wanted an ordinary life, because that was what Elsa had wanted. Had she been mistaken about that, too? Or that was the same truth within herself, as well? Was her craving for a normal life fueled by the desire to finally be able to be with her younger sister, with no lies or pain between them?

"And I'm not talking about the half-assed kind of 'be' that you're—" Ariel continued, flinging out words faster than Elsa could catch them.

"I know," Elsa heard herself say. And was shocked when she saw that Ariel had believed her, and was waiting for her to continue. She didn't know how she found her voice the first time, but she couldn't make her throat work again.

"If you really want to be with her, then you're going to have to let her in. Let her help."

"I know," Elsa said again, robotically. Was that all she could say? Again, and again, like a broken record player, stuck desperately repeating the last song its owner played in a futile attempt to seem competent.

"So I think it's time you texted her," Ariel replied haughtily.

And then Elsa remembered the emotional state that she had left in, a week ago, and couldn't reclaim the confidence to return to that level of turmoil. She had left for the same reason she always left (or so she tried to convince herself)—because she hadn't wanted to say something she would come to regret later. And not because she couldn't mentally bear any more verbal assault from the girl whose life she saw as more valuable than her own. Not because she was still a coward.

"I will," was what she managed to reconcile, between the newly discovered truth about her sister, and the low level of readiness to prod at a bleeding wound. A week—one more week. And then hopefully the broken pieces of herself would have healed enough to withstand some more bullet wounds. Anna was her glue, Elsa realized—she kept Elsa together.

Without Anna, she was reduced to a pile of shattered mirror fragments—with all the danger of splintered glass and none of the clarity as to who she was.

* * *

 

Cruella De Vil's mansion was very much like her office: furs mounted on gold plates lining every hallway, ceilings made of stained glass and busts of De Vil ancestors in every visible corner, which was hugely nostalgic of Arendelle Manor to Anna when she first entered the house, but she didn't exactly have time to dwell on that because a bucket of water landed on top of her head shortly after.

Now, she sidestepped the same bucket the same way she'd been doing for the past week, dodged the oil 'spilled' on the tiles in front of her, and watched the floors for sharp pieces of Lego or limbs of plastic figurines intentionally scattered in an attempt to scare her off.

She wasn't sure whether she'd rather be here or at home. It was all the same, anyways, wasn't it? All she would go home to was an empty dinner table and a house that felt too big for her. Though that really was the result of her own thoughtlessness. The more time passed, the more tempting the idea of giving in became.

But she was going to fight this to the very end. She could do the apologizing for her words after this whole ordeal was over, after she's done with the tiring chore of tolerating Ivy and Cecil De Vil. Didn't anyone pick up after them? There were maids in this house; Anna had seen them scurrying about trying to avoid the Twin Tornados, but weren't they sufficient in just watching the kids? The security detail at the mansion was enough to ensure that they didn't run off, and the maids could do the picking-up-after (which they did, they just had trouble keeping up sometimes). Obviously Cruella De Vil didn't need another maid or a guard for those kids.

Was it because she thought they needed a playmate? Anna had asked one of the maids whose kids Ivy and Cecil were, and the only answer she got was that they were Cruella's niece and nephew. What happened to their parents?

To be honest, they weren't that bad anymore. And they did keep her occupied with new tricks and traps for her to thwart. But they weren't as malicious now as they were playful, which was the exact opposite when she first stepped foot in the mansion. It was almost as if they had never had someone bear this long with them, and were running out of clever antics to drive her away with. Anna wondered if that was the case.

" _Keep it up, but it won't be enough to get me to leave," Anna yelled at the floor above when she discovered that the inside of her backpack was covered with a sticky green slime. Nevertheless, there was nothing of import inside, just a change of clothes in case she let down her guard and a bottle of water, which wasn't all that necessary since she was offered drinks and food during her shift anyway._

_She could imagine Ivy and Cecil exchanging that almighty sister-brother glance, the one they shot at each other whenever they were planning something mischievous (which was very often, to be honest)._

" _We don't want you here!" A voice called from above. Ivy, Anna had guessed, since the older sister usually did most of the talking. She hadn't heard them talking very often._

_That was in the middle of the week, roughly three days after her little kerfuffle (a gross understatement) with Elsa, and Anna was pretty much fed up with their lack of cooperation, when she finally lost it. "Yeah? You know what, I don't wanna be here, either! But we don't always get what we want, okay? So why don't you two brats just suck it up and accept that I'm not going anywhere until this summer is over!"_

_Then the body of a little nine-year-old girl in a skirt and pigtails appeared at the foot of the stairs, arms crossed, looking very annoyed. Her eyes reminded Anna very much of Cruella De Vil's narrowed hostility. Did all older sisters spout the same irritated look? Was there some Older Sister Handbook that all elder female siblings had?_

_Ivy looked like she had prepared something to say, but instead, she ran back up the stairs._

But since then, the quagmires had subsided into a more whimsical sort, so Anna figured that they either decided to tolerate her, or they were running out of the pernicious ones. She hoped it was the former.

She tiptoed up the stairs, expecting there to be more booby traps hiding in the shadows, but there were none. It was as if they had set up their daily dose of ruses halfway, and suddenly lost interest.

Their bedroom was just down the hall. Also, Anna found it strange that they shared one bedroom, when the De Vil mansion had about a billion bedrooms. Okay, not a billion, but around twenty (probably); Anna hadn't really had time to count. The point was, they hadn't really needed to share.

The sound of soft sniffling stopped her cold.

"Suck it up, Cecil!" Anna recognized Ivy's shrill tone. "They're not coming back, okay? They're dead. They're dead, and they're not coming back!"

"I miss them! I want Mommy and Daddy!" The seven-year-old boy sobbed. "Bring them back! It's not fair! It's not fair!"

Oh... their parents. That explains quite a lot.

"Stop crying!" The harsh sympathy in Ivy's voice inflected to hard castigation. "You're such a crybaby! Just stop it!"

Anna's eyes were stinging, involuntary empathy filling her entire being. The vacant gnawing that was the feeling of wanting to see someone who would never come back. The hollow yearning that would never be occupied again, because there was no replacement, no substitute to block that hole. The sensation was something like falling from a sixty-story building, the weightlessness, the fleeting ethereality and then ending in a bone-crunching impact with the impassive ground. Devastating, overwhelming, depressing, crushing pain all rolled into a suffocating smoke that congested not just the lungs, but the entire body. Every blood vessel, every muscle had to work extra hard just to survive.

And then that phase where you're just angry. Angry at life for being so fickle. Angry at the world. Angry at yourself. Angry at everyone else who couldn't do a thing. So angry that you don't want to have anything to do with anyone else, and you just withdraw from the entire world. Thank god Anna had Elsa, or she would never have been able to escape the shadow of their father's death, even though she didn't know how to feel about him now. She cut that train of thought short before she would end up languishing in self-pity again.

And then she suddenly understood why these kids were so desperate to drive away all the companions that their Aunt appointed for them: They only wanted family. They wanted Cruella De Vil to spend time with them. Because she was all they had left.

Anna peered inside the kids' bedroom to find the small black-haired boy in the fetal position against the frame of his bed, Ivy hovering angrily over him. Kids didn't understand death. Kids didn't know how to deal with grief. Even adults sometimes didn't know how to deal with grief. Like Anna's mother. She was never quite the same after Josef died, even though Anna couldn't really remember her parents being very close in the first place, because they were so busy.

"Stop," Anna said softly, looking at Ivy.

Ivy returned her stare with a defensive glower. "What are you doing here? Leave us alone!"

"Your brother needs you to comfort him," Anna whispered, edging closer to the young siblings, "Not get mad at him."

"He's being stupid! He wants our parents to come back, but everyone said they'll never come home again. There's not point in wanting something that's impossible!" Ivy hissed, eyes jumping between her brother and Anna.

Anna leaned down and tentatively rested her hand on the little boy's trembling shoulder, staring deliberately at Ivy. "He needs to know that you're going through the same thing. He needs to know that you understand. He needs to know that it'll be okay."

"Don't touch my brother!" Ivy struck at Anna's arm, but to everyone's surprise, Cecil clung to it, holding fast. "Cecil… you…"

"I miss them," he choked, his hand forming a fist around Anna's index finger, running his sleeve across his eyes.

"I understand," she murmured. She had nothing else to say, for she was never really in charge of the comforting. That had always been Elsa's…job.  _Stop it, brain,_ she grumbled to himself. She instinctively patted his head with her other hand, and his close-cropped hair pricked harmlessly at her palm. Without thinking, she blurted. "Come with me."

He looked up, eyes red. "Where?"

She smiled. "To see your aunt. She's the only family you have left now, right?" Anna shot a careful glance at Ivy.

Ivy's eyes were red now, too. And she nodded fervently. She rubbed her arm nervously as she watched Anna's hand around her brother's.

Anna let her smile spread. She really shouldn't be smiling at a time like this, but she was known for her eccentric and inappropriate reactions. She extended a hand toward the girl, and waited for Ivy to take it.

And take it, she did.

"You really think she cares?" Cecil asked, eyes squinting at the tall office building underneath the rain of sunshine.

"I know she does," Anna reassured him. Cruella De Vil did not have to hire a babysitter for them. She did it because (Anna inferred) she hadn't wanted the children to be lonely after their parents' recent death. Maybe Cruella expressed her love for them in these displays of thoughtfulness: letting them share a bedroom, appointing a companion, allowing them to run amok in her house.

"Sometimes I wonder if she even likes us," Ivy admitted, staring at her sneakers.

"Of course she does," Anna said, still smiling. "She just has strange ways of showing it."

_Just like Elsa._

_No, you stop that right now._

Dammit, why did every topic always loop back to Elsa?

Anna would have smacked a palm against her forehead at how pathetic she was, both her hands were occupied by the De Vil siblings at either side. She would have to settle for shaking her head to clear her thoughts. Cruella. Cruella De Vil. That was what she needed to focus on right now.

"So why did you agree to babysit us?" Ivy asked after they passed through the sliding glass doors. "And why are you so determined to stay?"

 _Of all the questions, of course she has to ask this one._ "I'm doing it for someone."

"Someone important?"

"Someone very important."

They (thankfully) approached Jasper at the reception desk, and he looked up as they neared. "You," he growled. He must still be butt-hurt about the missing keycard, Anna thought wryly. "What are you doing back here?"

"Hey, you're not allowed to talk to her like that," Ivy shouted. "Don't make me tell my aunt to fire you."

Anna had to hold back a snicker. Ivy's commanding tone reminded her so much of…

… God dammit, Elsa.

Jasper had to lean forward and peer over the top of the counter to see the kids at Anna's sides. "Oh, my apologies," he said quickly, pressing a button at his desk. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. "Please go ahead," he offered, before dialling the number that was undoubtedly Horace's, to announce their visit.

Horace was already waiting for them on the top floor, pulling Anna aside to hiss, "What were you thinking? Bringing them here? The whole point of you babysitting is so that they don't have to be here!"

"Has it occurred to you that they need their aunt, and there's not one who can substitute for her?" Anna grumbled back.

"Her Presidency does not wish to see them."

"That's a lie. Let me talk to her."

Horace's earpiece screeched, and he grimaced. "Yes, Ma'am. No, no, of course not. I—I understand." He gestured for Anna to pass, and smiled uncomfortably at the children glaring impatiently at him.

Cruella De Vil was reclining in her leather chair, but abruptly stood when Anna entered, her jewelry jangling as she moved. "Ms. Arendelle. Do I need to remind you what 'babysitting' means?"

"Please, President, just hear me out," Anna pleaded, fighting a strong urge to fiddle with her fingers or dig them into her pockets.

"Well, speak then."

Two weeks ago, Anna would never have imagined that President Cruella De Vil would have even given her the time of day. Now, one encounter and two weeks of babysitting later, she knew better than to believe all the information she had read about the seemingly cold Board Member on Elsa's computer. There was more to her than hoarding rare furs and skins. Cruella De Vil had been kind to her niece and nephew, in her own way. Beneath every hard shell there was a soft heart. "I was never informed that they had lost their parents," Anna began cautiously.

"My brother and his wife passed very suddenly," Mrs. De Vil snapped. "That has nothing to do with this."

"Yes, it does!" Anna tried, but she couldn't contain the volume of her outburst. What was it with CEOs lying to themselves? "It has everything to do with this! It's why Ivy and Cecil have been driving away every person you've appointed for them! Don't you see, Mrs. De Vil? They only have you, now. You're their only family. And no one can substitute for family."

"So what are you suggesting, Ms. Arendelle?" Cruella De Vil said placidly.

"Maybe you could spend some time with them." Anna wondered if she would sound too presumptuous if she'd said  _I know you love them too_ , but decided to declare it anyway. "Start by going home a little earlier. Take them to the amusement park or the aquarium on the weekend."

"And what makes you think I have time for that?"

"Because you're  _kind_ , Mrs. De Vil," Anna asserted emphatically. She crossed her arms. "Kinder than you let on."

"I…" For once, Cruella De Vil seemed to be at a loss for words. "I don't know how to be a parent for them," she admitted finally, surprising Anna and herself.

Anna blinked; as much as she believed her insistence, it was still a shock to hear Mrs. President Cruella De Vil confessing something so sensitive to her, a complete stranger. "Just be there for them," she suggested. "It's not that hard. You only have each other now."  _So you should cherish them, because they're all you have left._

Anna watched as the fashion aficionado gave a curt nod, reassuming her air of confidence and pride. "I suppose there's no harm in trying," Cruella allowed. "Since they're already here, why don't you take the rest of the day off? I'll take them home later."

Anna's eyes widened. "R-really? You—I can go?"

"Well, if you don't want to…"

"No! I mean, I'd love to come with, but you should have some time alone. It's just… wow. I knew—I knew you were a softie down there."

Cruella's eyes narrowed in what could be interpreted as indignity or irritation. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Ms. Arendelle. You are dismissed."

Anna muttered a quick apology and turned to leave. When she reached the threshold of the door, Cruella De Vil spoke again.

"And, Ms. Arendelle… thank you."

Having weekends off was a bit of a breather for Anna; before, she was expected to accompany Ivy and Cecil on Saturdays and Sundays as well. But now, she had learned even the coldest shell was only that—a shell. Everyone was a lot happier once Cruella started making an effort to spend some much-needed quality time with her niece and nephew.

So this weekend, she decided (against every last speck of her better judgement) to pay a visit to another member of the board.

* * *

 

"Anna, yer crazy, yuh are," Merida challenged as they stopped in front of Shan Yu's oriental castle.

He'd kept the traditional architecture of his ancestors, Anna noted, taking in the animals on the hipped golden eaves, the imperial red and auric shine on the painted wooden beams, the perfect symmetry of the exterior. She had a sneaking suspicion that she would probably be slaughtered if she and her friends approached from the main entrance. Saturday nights were the perfect time for breaking and entering.

"Maybe there's a hole in the brick wall somewhere," Anna said, surveying the solid barrier and ignoring Merida's miffed chides.

"Anna, you said that Elsa's already mad at you for going to Cruella De Vil's office. She is going to be furious if she finds out that you're visiting Shan Yu. It seems he's a hundred times more dangerous," Rapunzel added skeptically.

"'When' Elsa finds out," Aurora corrected, adding to the building ache of forebode.

"You're such an idiot," Meg sighed. "All of this for Elsa. Haven't you considered that she doesn't need nor want your help?"

"It doesn't matter if she wants it," Anna insisted. "I won't forgive myself if I don't try."

"Yeah, and she can regret not seeing you for more than two weeks at your funeral," Rapunzel scoffed. "Seriously, have you talked to her?"

"I will! After all this is done. Now, are you guys going to help me or not? I just need to get Shan Yu alone."

"Yeah, Anna, if his security's bad enough that  _we_  can find a way in then he's doing something wrong," Merida grunted.

"We should've brought Herc, Eugene and Kris," Rapunzel commented. "They could probably help us muscle our way in."

"If we muscled our way in, we'd get killed in an instant," Aurora mumbled. "Let's just walk around the wall. Split up into groups?"

"Good idea. Rapunzel, you go with Anna and make sure she doesn't do something stupid and take that side," Meg proposed, "Me, Aurora and Merida will take the other side."

"Have you told Ariel what you're planning?" Rapunzel asked as the group split and skirted around opposite directions of the palace-like structure.

"No," Anna confessed, shoulders slumping slightly. It seemed that everyone was against what she was doing lately. Did no one trust her? "She'd probably tell me it's a stupid idea."

"It  _is_ ," Rapunzel declared, tapping a brick with her knuckle. The glow from her flashlight quickly brushed over the stone slabs, and once she found no chink, she moved on, Anna in tow.

"Gee, thanks," Anna quibbled. "As if I didn't have enough people mad at me."

"Still, I can't believe you would say that. That's like, the worst thing you could say to Elsa after all she's done for you."

"I know!" Anna cried. "I've told myself that a million times already, so let's just skip to the part where I wallow in my misery, okay?"

"As if you haven't been doing that already," Rapunzel chaffed, shining her light toward the top of the wall. "What if we hopped over?"

"There's probably electric wiring at the top of the wall," Anna mumbled. Although she definitely wouldn't mind being zapped right now, if that meant her heart would stop tormenting her with memories and thoughts of Elsa. "I just wish that I could do more than just wither in my guilt."

"Look, I know it's hard right now, but it's certainly better than having no feelings at all, right?"

"Is it? Is it, Punzel? Because I wouldn't mind trying that 'no feelings' thing." She furrowed her brows and squinted as her light danced over a break in the wiring above the wall. "Does that look broken to you?"

"Yeah, I think it is," Rapunzel replied. "Huh. Wait here."

She returned shortly after, with a metal golf ball retriever in a gloved hand and their other friends behind her.

"Well, that's really broken," Aurora said, shining her flashlight at the disconnect between the two identical sides. A disrupted circuit, with both sides trying to do the same thing, but neither achieving it without the other.

Rapunzel extended the golf ball retriever and pushed aside the wires on either side. "One person could probably hop over," she said slowly.

There was no doubt as to who would go. "Boost me up," Anna prompted her friends.

"Wait, Anna, I really don't think this is a good idea," Aurora implored, "If you go over, there's no way back except for through the front door. Elsa would really not like this.  _We_  don't like this."

"I don't care what Elsa would like," Anna retorted, even though she did. It was just—she'd promised herself she would do this or die trying, so here goes nothing. "If you guys don't help me, then I'm just going to waltz in through the front door myself, which is probably more dangerous. And don't you guys even think about calling Elsa. If you do, I'm unfollowing our friendship forever."

There was a unanimous sigh of defeat.

"If you don't make it out, should we tell her you love her?" Megara asked blandly.

"'Love' doesn't even begin to cover it, but sure," Anna said, stepping on the thighs of a crouched Merida and Rapunzel, and then the outstretched hands of Meg and Aurora. She hoisted herself onto the wall, silently hoping that there were no pigeon spikes atop the bricks, and thank god, there weren't.

"You better make it back out in one piece, Anna," Rapunzel growled as Anna slid down the other side, out of view.

Grass. There was grass everywhere. And not the tall, friendly kind that you could hide in. The clean, fresh-cut,  _short_  kind. Dammit. Well, at least there were trees to try and blend into. The outside of the 'palace' was traditional and oriental, but the inside looked contemporarily state-of-the-art, Anna remarked, peering through a window into whatever dimly lit room it gave access to. She jiggled the frame, and to her delight it opened without much protest—it wasn't locked to begin with.

She then realized that there was probably no one brave (or stupid) enough to willingly break into the house of a notoriously dangerous mercenary, and even if they did, she imagined that most of Shan Yu's money (at least, his black market money) would be safely stowed in some obscure offshore bank.

Well, this did make it easier to find him. She crept across the room to the door, which led to a long hallway. Okay, so the man's bedroom would probably be somewhere on the top floor, right? That was where she was trying to go, until she heard a series of heartbreaking whimpers coming from below. Was there a basement?

Might as well try, right? These huge homes usually had a common stairwell that connected the floors, normally tucked away in some corner. She found it, eventually, urgently spurred by the bone-rending howls and whimpers still coming from below, as if there was someone was hurting besides herself and there was something she could do about it.

She lurked down the stairs, one step at a time, slowly and with a caution that was atypical of her, maybe because she realized how much was on the line. Her brain took this moment to recollect her first experience with escalators, and how it was one that was going down. She couldn't recall exactly how old she was, only how she was frozen with fear at the top of the rolling steps and Elsa had already gone halfway down before she realized that Anna was not with her, and she turned to go back up, taking the steel steps at twice the speed they were going down in, slightly panicking until she reached the top again.

But then Elsa had grabbed her hand, and even the way down couldn't scare her anymore.

Her mouth went dry and she swallowed, as if she could absorb the fear that was building at the back of throat. The broken cries grew louder, until she reached a large, steel door that was opened just a crack. She peered through with one eye, and it took a moment for it to adjust to the bright floodlights of the vast gray room.

There were dogs, everywhere. Dogs in cage stacked upon cage, lining the walls with the pitter-patter of paws against iron. She could make out the gray skin of Shan Yu in the middle of the room, towering about a Doberman puppy that cowered at his feet, the originator of the whimpers and howls.

"Stand," she heard Shan Yu command. The voice was low and harsh, forbidding disobedience to anyone who could understand the language.

But the puppy did not. And it lay there on the cement, head dejectedly resting on its paws, unmoving. She watched in horror as Shan Yu brandished a long whip, striking the animal again and again, eliciting howls of pain as the rope came down, and whimpers in between hits, until it no longer protested its pain, and just stared at nothing.

Anna recognized the defeat in its half-closed eyes, the way…the way  _Elsa_ had looked that night on the bathroom floor, broken and begging. Resigning herself to hurting and no longer doing anything to stop it. Was that the face that Elsa wore when their father was punishing her? Was that how Elsa had learned helplessness?

"No," she whispered before she could stop herself. "No," she said again, a little louder, when the flogging didn't. "No!" She finally yelled.

"Who the hell are you?" Something dragged her up by the collar of her shirt, and Anna thought  _this is it, this is it, I'm going to die, I'm going to die, and I'll never get to apologize for the horrible things I said to Elsa._

Shan Yu looked up, amber eyes scrutinizing and predatory, putting an identity to her appearance. His glare locked with her shocked gape, his form getting closer as she was dragged in front of him.

She was surprising herself a lot these days, Anna thought dryly as she fearlessly held Shan Yu's stare. If she was going to die, she would do it proudly.

Shan Yu let loose a slight smirk, showing off long canines. "President Arendelle's sister. What a delightful surprise."

"Mr… Yu," she finally managed, trying to hide the tremble in her voice.

"Let go of her, Hayabusa. That is no way to treat a lady."

And Anna was released, barely able to stand on her jittery knees.

"So," Shan Yu's tongue darted out to wet his lips, the action very much like the hiss of a serpent threatening another predator encroaching in its territory. "What brings you to trespass on my property? Not just dropping by for a quick greeting, I gather."

She wasn't going to lie her way out of this one. She never did like lying anyway. "I wanted you to cooperate with my sister."

He laughed then, throwing his head back in a mocking guffaw. "You are an interesting one. Tell me, why do you have a problem with my way of training my pet?"

"What?"

"You screamed, 'no' loud enough to wake all my dogs," Shan Yu said, with something resembling amusement. If Anna didn't know better, then she would have translated his smile as friendly.

Anna wondered if this was a trap, if he was just luring her into a false sense of security. But why would he need to do that, when he so clearly held the upper hand? She dusted her knees and scraped together what was left of her determination. "I… I don't agree with the way you were training him."

"Oh?" He rubbed his chin with his thumb. "And what, exactly, was I doing wrong?"

The words came out before she could stop herself, "Why would you punish him for not doing anything? Isn't it easier to reward him for doing something right?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "That is how I train all my dogs. How I train my men. How I was raised by my father. Do something right, or be punished."

"No," Anna whispered, unable to disguise her horror at the inadvertent parallels. "No. He would learn much faster if you rewarded him for doing something right. Like humans, dogs thrive on affection."

He laughed again, a low bass echoing off the walls. When he looked at her again, his eyes were piercing, sharp, omniscient. She held them anyway, glaring defiantly.

"Not many people would dare look me in the eye like you are," he said, smile turning into a sneer. "Not unless they want to die."

"I'm not afraid of death," Anna countered. What she was really afraid of was already happening, so what was there to fear? But what she would give to have Elsa beside her right now. She hadn't given much thought as to how she would die, but she liked to imagine Elsa would be with her every step of the way.

Her own glare persisted against his, until finally he pulled a knife, snarling, "Shall we test that?" The cold blade pressed against her throat, but she recklessly held his eyes, staring back defiantly.

There was a prick as the knife drew blood, and the amber-eyed man looked like he was waiting for her to beg for life, to plea for forgiveness, to render submission. But she didn't. She just stared, still wishing with every boom of her pounding heart that Elsa would be with her for her last moments.

And then the blade withdrew, and Shan Yu gave her a napkin to hold against the cut, to stem the flow of blood. "Not bad," he said. "Your sister must be very important to you."

_You have no idea._

"What would you like me to do?" He asked, an interested gleam replacing the carnivorous glare that was in his eyes.

Anna wondered briefly if those omnipotent eyes could see the truth behind her affection for Elsa, but she focused on her answer instead, because the consequences of their secret getting out would be too severe to fathom. "Cooperate with Elsa."

"Just let her run rampant? You need better terms than that," he said.

"Why are you listening to me in the first place?" Anna blurted, holding the tissue hard against her neck.

"You're interesting," he replied, unblinking. "And you didn't flinch when I held a knife to your throat. That's earned my respect."

Anna nodded. "I'm not asking you to comply with everything she does. I'm asking you to refrain from giving her a hard time if she makes mistakes, or if she comes up with an idea that you may be against. I would appreciate it if you'd give a second thought before deciding that she's incompetent."

He paused for a moment, before acknowledging her words with a curt tilt of his head. "That sounds slightly more reasonable. I will consider it."

"Um," Anna said nervously, catching a glimpse of the rising sun out of the skylights.

He followed her gaze. "You snuck into a lion's den just to ask me to be nicer to your sister?" There was another amused chuckle. "What did you say your name was?"

"I didn't. It's Anna."

"Well, Anna. You should probably go and get that wound bandaged. Hayabusa will escort you to the exit," he chuckled again, turning his attention back to the dog at his feet. "You are an interesting one, indeed."

* * *

 

" _You could kill_ me _, Hans, and get away with it, because I'm already supposed to be dead."_

_No, no, no._

" _Why?" she cried, "Why did you come?"_

" _I promised," Elsa said quietly, a smile still on her lips, as if nothing else in the world mattered except Anna._

_And then Anna watched, screaming, as Hans beat her to death._

She woke up, still screaming. "Elsa," she sobbed, at the empty room, burying her face in her hands. "Elsa."

She couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take another minute away from Elsa, another second without Elsa's voice. Swiping her phone off the nightstand, she punched in Elsa's number, fingers moving by themselves, practice telling them which numbers to press. She didn't even need to have Elsa's number memorized; her fingers just moved by themselves because her body knew whom she wanted to call.

The ringing echoed in her ears, reality chasing away the shattered remnants of her nightmare. She was drenched in cold sweat, a percussion pounding in her chest. A few more rings, and then the call went to voicemail.

_Hello, you've reach Elsa Arendelle. Please leave a message._

Well, that was Elsa's voice, at least.

Pathetic, too pathetic, if she were to leave a begging message for Elsa to come home now, and her thumb clicked the end call button, hugging the phone to her chest as if it were her lifeline. But she needed to see Elsa so badly. Needed to talk to Elsa. Needed to know that Elsa didn't hate her.

She opened Skype, and hoped that the nostalgic medium would be enough for Elsa to sympathize with her plight.

She pondered what to say, but she really didn't need to. Her heart, her hands, her thumbs knew what she needed to say before her mind even conjured it.

 _Snowflake: Hey, Elsa._  
*You see, I said some really nasty things to my girlfriend, and I feel really bad about it, so I wanted to talk to my sister and my best friend about it.  
*The thing is, they're all you.  
*I'm sorry, Elsa. I didn't mean it. You know I didn't mean it.  
*I was hoping we could meet tonight. At the Cactus Club on English Bay Beach? 7:00PM?  
*I don't even know if you'll get this, but I'll wait for you. I'll wait all night.

"Excuse me, Miss," the waiter whispered, "But we're about to close soon."

Anna's head was resting lightly on her arms, crossed over on the cotton tablecloth. "What time is it?"

The waiter checked his watch. "It's almost 1:00AM. I'm sorry to say this, but your date probably stood you up. If you want, I'll bring you something to eat. On the house."

Anna handed him her credit card. "Could you do me a favour and just stay open until morning?"

He looked at her skeptically, doubt plain in his eyes. "Miss, with all due respect—"

"Don't," she sighed, resting her forehead on her arms and looking down at her lap.  _Don't say it._

"I don't think your date is coming," he said, ignoring her request.

And for some reason, Anna didn't think so either.

"Just charge whatever," she said, and the waiter surrendered, going off to discuss with his manager.

_She really hates me._

As per her instruction, the restaurant was open all night, and Anna waiting there in the booth seat, with nothing but a candle melting into a pool of hot wax as her companion.

She waited all night, but Elsa never came.


	37. Gems

"Well then, gentlemen," Elsa said, straightening to her full height out of the leather office chair. "I think that about covers it. Any last concerns or questions?"

"None," said one of the men seated in a similar chair, and the others around the conference table nodded. "Thank you, President, for coming out here to meet with us."

Victoria offered her escape, but not really. You couldn't escape from your own thoughts, no matter where you went or how many meetings you piled into your time. And there was no argument regarding whom Elsa's thoughts were about.

"The pleasure was all mine, sir. Thank you for agreeing to fund my project."

"Your preparation was very well done. There are older, more experienced CEOs who do not plan half as meticulously as you do. You've assured me that I will be putting my money into the right hands." A murmur of agreement rippled through the standing sponsors.

"I know you're leaving first thing tomorrow, but could I interest you in a private tour of the Butchart Gardens? I have some friends over there who are more than willing to keep it open for a couple more hours, and I'm certain many of our fellows would love for you to see more of Victoria than just the Parliament building."

"Thank you, but I…" Elsa paused. She would only be returning to a desolate hotel room and would probably spend the rest of her night missing Anna. She was rather regretting not taking more initiative to hold her sister's hand, or instigating an embrace, because now her arms felt too empty, her hands too cold without the warmth of another within it. She smiled, but that even felt foreign. "Actually, that would be lovely. Thank you."

"I'll have my driver pick you up, then." The man glanced at his watch. "Sunset is always beautiful over the garden."

This was such a bad idea. While the tour guide prattled on about the history of the garden, about the Butchart family, Elsa could see nothing but the flame of Anna's hair in the sunset glow of the tulips, the shine of Anna's eyes in the tranquil blue sage flowers, the rosy tint of her cheeks in the perfectly pink roses.

"So the Sunken Garden was the first that the Butcharts planted. After Mr. Butchart exhausted the limestone deposits that used to be here, his wife endeavored to turn something barren and ugly into something beautiful and lovely…"

_I know a girl who could do that, too._

Elsa leaned on the painted green railing, taking in the full splendor of the vast oasis. From the magnificent blend of amethyst, sapphire, ruby, emerald, amber—gems embedded in a sea of grass—to the fire of the falling sun, the entire picture was surreal, as if Elsa had walked straight into a painting. The only thing wrong with this masterpiece was that someone was missing, like the entire thing was a jigsaw puzzle with a thousand pieces, and one, only one part was lost, so no matter how beautiful, it was incomplete, and would never be perfect.

They were gems, each and every one of the flowers. The vibrancy of their iridescence made even something as common as grass and leaves seem amazing. Elsa guessed that this had something to do with the contrast of colours. After all, rubies would just be rocks if every rock were a different shade of crimson. What made them special was that they were rare, jeweled treasures that took effort to obtain. What made them extraordinary was the fact that no other mineral could be like them, no matter how hard it tried. There would never be a second, anywhere in the world. Not even a close second.

If Anna were here, she would take time to admire every single petal of every single flower, eyes glowing as if each plant were different from the last. That was what made her different. Special. She could see beauty where no one else could. She could see light even in the shadows. She could see good, though surrounded by evil.

But that was the problem. She was  _too_ trusting.

" _Do you mind if we get to the point?" Elsa said firmly, looking across the room at Ursula and Morgana. She knew how the sisters tended to talk in circles. Part of what their job used to be, actually. Contracts formed with convoluted words, twisted pledges, and sugarcoated sentences. "I am going to remind you that I do not require your services." She added, after a thought, "At this moment."_

" _That's a shame, isn't it, Morgana?" Ursula remarked, wiping a nonexistent tear from the corner of her eye with a handkerchief. "We did have many a successful bargains when we worked in tandem with your father."_

_Her father may have known how to keep them in check, but Elsa wanted nothing to do with them. If they weren't so deeply rooted in Arendelle Corp, she would have searched for a way to remove them from the Board._

" _It is indeed, Ursula." Morgana assumed an aura of urgency. "That isn't why we called you here, though."_

_Ursula's mouth exhibited signs of a sinister smile, although they remained pressed in a line. The bright red lipstick she wore reminded Elsa of fresh blood, to be honest. Elsa wondered briefly if that was intended. "Can we interest you in some seafood? Sashimi, perhaps?"_

" _I appreciate the offer, but I do have to attend another meeting with department chiefs shortly."_

_The fake cheer in Ursula's smile evaporated in an instant. "Fine," she expelled, and shot a pointed glance at Morgana._

" _Your father expressed this concern with us, but we thought we would have a few more years before voicing it," the skinnier of the two began._

" _What?" Elsa asked, caution ringing in her ears._

" _Your…_ affection _for your sister," Ursula said. "It may prove detrimental to your endeavors as President. If you become so easily angered at the mere mention of her name, then she or yourself could easily be painted as an easy target for our enemies. You must understand this, for it has already occurred once."_

 _Fury exploded within her, a chilling blizzard. What right did_ these people _have to question her personal life, her family? What right did they have to meddle in her business? How she reacted to comments about Anna was her choice, her choice, and damned she would be if she did not fight back every insult with tooth and nail._

_Her hands balled at her sides, and Morgana made an irritated noise. "You see? That is the type of reaction that tells our opponents what your weak spots are. We cannot have you alerting all of our competitors to such a thing if they ever make mention of your sister."_

" _Her personality also poses another problem. She is reckless, stubborn, foolish. Her tendency to rush right into things would no doubt cause trouble for you in the future. You must be able to keep her under control, and do not let her undermine your authority. If you allow her to run rampant, she will destroy everything your father has built up for you both," Ursula said, emotionless._

 _Elsa had to grit her teeth to keep from snarling, "Anna is not a wildfire." Anna was her business, only hers, and no one else's. And it was even less Ursula and Morgana's. How_ dare _they speak such things of Anna to her face? How_ dare _they utter such insults, such insinuations, as if they knew Anna, knew her better than Elsa? As if they had any inkling of exactly how amazing and awe-inspiring and magnificent she was._

_To insult Anna—well, there was no better way to erode Elsa's control and ignite her rage._

_Morgana raised an eyebrow. "Indeed? Well, if you're sure you are able to keep her under control…"_

_Keep her under control? Why was there a need to keep her under control? Anna was not Elsa's servant, nor her employee, nor her captive. She was Elsa's_ sister _. And that warranted much more respect and reverence than the word 'control' indicated._

" _There is no need," Elsa seethed. "I trust my sister. She would never do anything that would be of detriment to the foundation. If that is all, I will be excusing myself." She turned to leave._

" _Just make sure she doesn't meddle in unnecessary affairs," Ursula called after her. "Heaven knows you could screw this up in plenty of ways even without your airheaded sister getting involved. I have heard how naïve and ignorant she is."_

_That was the last straw. Without another word, Elsa all but stormed out of the building, posture not relaxing until she reached her car. The absolute worst part was, a tiny piece of her was agreeing with Ursula._

Elsa wondered if she would ever be able to stop thinking of Anna. No, probably not. And this pathetic thirst for Anna's voice was just growing and growing within her, every single day they spent apart. In fact, Elsa was pretty sure that even if she and Anna hadn't spent a single day apart, she would still miss her as soon as Anna stepped out of her line of vision. Stupid. Pathetic.

Which was why she had left her cell phone back in her hotel room. If it were on her person, she would be obsessively checking it every five seconds to make sure she hadn't missed a call or text. Anyone who needed to reach her could reach her through Mark, or Alistair, who were following her close behind. She just didn't need the extra distraction of her phone, and wishing for a message that she would probably never receive.

"So, any questions so far?" The tour guide asked as they stopped at the mouth of the Italian Garden. The flowers behind him were beautiful, but they were not the beauty that Elsa wanted to see. Elsa stared at the map in her hand, eyes locking listlessly on the word 'Italian'. And she was lost again.

" _Hey, Elsa, you know what makes spaghetti awesome?"_

_Elsa looked up from her serving of seafood fettuccini, a little surprised at the sudden and very random question. "No?"_

_Anna expertly twirled a bundle of pasta onto her fork, "Guess."_

_Shrugging, Elsa predicted, "Tomato sauce?"_

_Copper locks swished back and forth as Anna shook her head, grinning widely, "Nope."_

_Knowing Anna, it was probably something weird and nonsensical like the salt on the noodles or something. "The seasoning?"_

" _Nope!"_

_Elsa sighed and pledged a hand in defeat. "I give up. You're much too smart for me."_

" _Meatballs, Elsa!"_

_She couldn't for the life of her imagine how meatballs possibly differed from tomato sauce or seasoning. They were all a part of the dish, were they not? "Why?"_

" _Because they make it better!"_

" _So do tomato sauce and salt," Elsa argued._

" _Yeah, but you don't see a dish that's called spaghetti and tomato sauce," Anna retorted. "Or spaghetti and salt."_

" _Okay, your point?"_

" _You don't have to have meatballs with spaghetti, right? But without meatballs, spaghetti would just be pasta and tomatoes. And same with meatballs! They could both be served alone, but when they're together, it's a thousand times better."_

"Miss?" The voice shook her from her despondent reverie.

Great, she was already at that stage where she could link just about everything to Anna. She pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry. I seem to be evolving a headache; I think I'll take my leave. Thank you for the lovely evening, and please pass that on to your employer."

The sun had sunken almost completely below the horizon, its last rays of light buried in the clouds above, the death throes of fire in quicksand.

There should be a limit to how much a person could miss someone, Elsa reflected morosely as she unlocked her hotel room at The Empress. Her eyes magnetically drifted to her phone, still plugged into its charger the way she had left it this morning, waiting for her to obsessively check it again, on the bedside table.

" _I_  need a damn charger," Elsa grumbled, leaning over to pull something out of her suitcase. Her charger.

Wasn't this just so pitiful of her? Having laminated each page of Anna's hero essay and then bound it to a hardcover shell? And then just stared at it aimlessly until it was time to work?

_Bet you're not her hero anymore._

_I just wanted to protect her. Why is that so wrong?_

The sudden peal of the telephone on the coffee table made her jump. After she collected her bearings again, she strode over and picked up. "Hello?"

"Ms. Elsa," Alistair began, "Forgive me for the disturbance, but I have something to report."

"Please go ahead," she replied. As if she had anything better to do.

"As far as I know, Ms. Anna is still visiting the De Vil mansion daily," he informed her, "and attempting to escape the watchful eyes of my men every morning. One of them reported seeing her coming out of Mr. Shan Yu's resident very early this morning."

Panic flared, trenchant and painful, ripping at the void in her chest that she was so desperately trying to cover. "Dammit, Alistair! This is  _exactly_  what I wanted you to prevent! Was she hurt?"

"He was ninety percent sure she had a wound of some sort on one side of her neck."

"What the hell am I paying you for, Alistair?" Elsa spat. "To let my sister walk into a mercenary's home? To let her continue waltzing into the dens of tigers? Let her wade into piranha-infested waters? Into—"

"With all due respect, Ms. Elsa," the veteran guard returned, his tone tested, "You have tied my hands rather tightly. If you continue to withhold permission to use physical force, then all we can do is have her followed. If you disallow any injury to her whatsoever, we cannot risk direct confrontation. We can only delay her arrival at her destination. What else would you have us do?"

He had a glaring point, but Elsa refused to accept it. She would not stoop to using brute force to get her way. And she would not have Anna injured by her own hand, ever. "You're the one who's well-versed in defense, Alistair. How hard could an eighteen-year-old girl be for you to handle?"

"Perhaps we should both refrain from continuing to underestimate Ms. Anna," he suggested cautiously. "There is a simple solution to all this."

"Do tell."

" _You_  could speak to her, Ms. Elsa," he offered, carefully neutral. Alistair was always astute in discreet conversation. "If I may be so bold."

Yet, if Elsa were to speak to her now, in such a frustrated state of frenzy (borderline hysterical), they would no doubt end up butting heads again, horns and all, and they would most likely end up shooting more regrettable projectiles.

Stupid, so stupid, the both of them. This entire thing was stupid. If Anna would just stop trying to  _help_  Elsa, or whatever it was she was doing—didn't she know that her existence alone was more than enough encouragement? Couldn't she see that Elsa would go to the ends of the earth—to hell and back—just for the sake of her wellbeing? In spite of all that, there she was, thoughtlessly flinging herself into the face of danger again and again—why couldn't she understand the state of terror Elsa would be in (the way she was now) if she ever got hurt? Much less because of Elsa?

She was gripping the phone receiver so tightly in her hand that the plastic creaked in protest as her fingers skidded angrily across the handle. No matter what emotion she felt for Anna—be it uncontrollable rage, frustration or panic—when the smoke cleared, longing was always the last one standing.

So she put aside what was left of her pride—pride as the heir, pride as the elder, pride as the CEO—as she always did when Anna's welfare (or happiness, but up until then the two weren't so astronomically distinct) was threatened, and resigned. "I… understand."

The bodyguard did not say another word; he did not need to, for the silence between them was louder than any message could ever be. He hung up wordlessly, leaving Elsa in another indomitable staring contest with her cell.

Even the journey of reaching for it was a challenge, for there were suddenly weights as heavy as plutonium dragging her arm back to her side. She was afraid, and there was no rhyme or reason—she just was. A thousand concerns raced through her mind. Was Anna still angry? How was she doing? Was she disillusioned by Elsa's silence? Did she finally see how painful it would be to pursue a relationship together? Was she regretting her decision to love Elsa?

The last question won out, though. How badly was she hurt?

Anna was injured. Anna was injured, and here Elsa was, pathetically debating whether to call. Stupid. Ariel was right; could she get any more utterly idiotic?

When she unlocked her phone, she was surprised to find a missed. Call. From. Anna. Christ, what stupid part of her stupid sleep-deprived brain decided to stupidly leave it in her room today? God dammit.

She returned the call immediately, but it had been made like more than twelve hours prior—Anna would be sleeping now, for sure, right? It was almost three in the morning; Elsa had spent a great deal of time wandering around the streets of Victoria before Alistair finally convinced her to rest for the night. Why the hell was she in Victoria again?

A tap on the screen ended the call before it could connect. Elsa could wait until tomorrow. This could wait until tomorrow. After all, she was returning to Vancouver tomorrow to prepare for the monthly meeting with the Board. They could talk tomorrow night. At least, that was what she tried to convince herself.

She picked up Anna's essay again, and flopped back onto the pillows to read it for what seemed like the millionth time. She could recite every word from memory and match them on the papers, she knew every stroke of ink by heart, she could even remember the exact angles of the creases in the pages, but it was the closest thing she had to Anna, so no matter how many times her eyes scanned the print it would never be enough.

How could a person be this enamored with someone? There was no word in the English language that aptly described how Elsa felt about her sister. There was probably no word in any language that would be a faithful representation of her affection for Anna.

Her hand slammed down on her phone again, and then the device was above her head, thumb searching for pictures or texts or something that would tide her misery over until morning. Sleep was out of the question—even though it presented the only way to escape from the crushing feeling of missing someone, it never came easily to her.

She hesitated at the messaging app; the last time Anna had texted her was when she was when…

She skipped it, and her thumb ended up hovering over Skype instead. When was the last time they had a Skype conversation? Was that when Elsa was back at Oxford? Well, whatever conversations the chat logs remembered, it would be more cheerful than what was lurking in her depths of her texting app.

Skype opened with its signature 'woosh', and proceeded to update her conversations. Well, conversa _tion_. The only contact she had on Skype was Anna. Her brow furrowed; she had six unread messages. Unread? She clicked into the chat.

And checked the timestamp. Once, twice. Three times. Was the date on her phone malfunctioning? Because these messages were from this morning.

She shot up in her bed.

_Snowflake: Hey, Elsa.  
*You see, I said some really nasty things to my girlfriend, and I feel really bad about it, so I wanted to talk to my sister and my best friend about it._

Oh, Anna.

_*The thing is, they're all you._

"Anna," Elsa groaned, and ran a hand through her hair to push back the bangs that were intruding upon her vision.

_*I'm sorry, Elsa. I didn't mean it. You know I didn't mean it._

Tears pricked the back of her eyes when she realized she did. After all, she would be viciously lying if she said she had never let anger and frustration get the better of her before. Even so, this did make her feel better. A lot better.

_*I was hoping we could meet tonight. At the Cactus Club on English Bay Beach? 7:00PM?_

Elsa checked the clock. No.

_*I don't even know if you'll get this, but I'll wait for you. I'll wait all night._

"No, no, no," Elsa whispered, dread stealing into her and sapping the warmth from her body when she registered the time, knowing that she could not make it.

_I'll wait all night._

She sprang out of bed and raced out of the room in an instant. Mark's room was right beside hers, and she couldn't be more thankful that it was. "Mark! I'm going back to Vancouver! Now!"

The door opened to her dazed assistant, in a t-shirt and sweats, rubbing his eyes. "President, your meeting with the Board isn't until noon tomorrow."

"I am not explaining myself, Mark. And I'm not asking that you come with me. I just need you to find a way to get me back to Vancouver as soon as you can."

He looked over his shoulder at the radio clock. "The ferries won't be available until at least three more hours later, Ms. Elsa."

"Then book me a flight," she snapped, because she knew, the way she knew with the same absolute assurance that the sun would rise in the morning, that Anna would still be waiting for her.

He heaved a barely-concealed sigh that she was too wired to press, and retreated into the depths of his room to retrieve his laptop. After a couple (long) minutes of clicking, he declared, "There's one flight at seven. You would arrive at approximately seven-thirty. Uh," he checked the time again. "The earliest ferry leaves at six, so you would arrive at eight-ish. Shall I book the flight?"

"Isn't there anything earlier? Anything at all? A private fishing boat, a police helicopter, anything? Mark, this is of the utmost importance. I must get back to Vancouver."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ms. Elsa; this is the best we can do."

"Can I  _buy_  a plane that will fly me to Vancouver?"

Mark was rubbing his forehead. "The time it will take to get a plane and personnel here will far exceed the time you need to wait for the flight or the ferry."

What was the point of all the billions of dollars that was her family inheritance if she  _could not use it to make the person she loved most happy_? Why the hell was she working herself into the ground, when it couldn't protect the person most important to her? She didn't care if it was going to kill her, she would even swim back to Vancouver if it meant she would make it there on time.

"What about the Coast Guard?" She proposed maniacally. "They're constantly patrolling the waters, couldn't you convince them to make an extra stop at English Bay?"

"English Bay?" He echoed with a quizzical look, but he knew better than to ask. "I could give them a call, but, with all due respect, I highly doubt that they'll agree."

"What about the military?" She heard Alistair suggest sardonically from the doorway behind her. "Why not get them to just parachute you?"

"I will pay them, whatever it costs," she said, ignoring her thoroughly irritated bodyguard, "As long as they get me to Vancouver before the night is over."

"Perhaps you should postpone whatever plans you've made, President. It may be humanely impossible to get you back to Vancouver before seven-thirty." The light of the computer reflected on tired brown irises as Mark continued to browse through flight and ferry schedules.

That was right; she could call, couldn't she? Call and tell Anna that she couldn't make it, that she'd forgiven her even before walking out of that apartment, because she understood how it felt to say things that she wished she could take back.

Her phone was heavy in her hand as she pulled it out to dial Anna's number, the number she knew by heart, the number she automatically memorized. Held it to her ear and waited for it to connect.

"No, no," she muttered, when it went straight to voicemail. She was frozen for a moment, unadulterated panic roaring through her veins as she remembered how Anna had waited for her on the doorstep of Arendelle Manor, head resting on the arms crossed over her knees. How despairingly sad Anna had been at her soccer game, before Elsa showed herself. How, right now, Anna would be sitting in a booth with nothing but the seat cushion and the moonlight as companions, still faithfully believing that Elsa would show.

She couldn't crush that. She couldn't crush that hope. Thoughts and ideas were difficult to process, as if her brain was made of pancake batter, sluggishly viscous in its consistency, significantly impeding the formation of any solutions.

After a moment, she hastily called Ariel, which resulted in no answer, because Ariel also slept like a freaking rock.

An hour of restless pacing later, Elsa was completely fed up with waiting around, being nothing and nowhere but useless. "That's it. I'm going to the harbour and find a boat so I can sail myself back to Vancouver."

Mark sucked in a surprised breath. "President, that is crazy—"

"Crazy? If you want to see crazy, then I will spend one more minute being goddamn useless while my—" She steeled herself, fists clenched to retain control. "It is almost four." Each word was forced, like spitting out broken glass. "I am still here. I am going to go down to the harbour, and taking the first working boat I find."

"It will still take at least two hours," Mark protested, weariness and fatigue evidently fraying his patience, "And it won't be nearly as comfortable—"

"Comfortable? The last thing I care about is comfort, Mark. As long as I can get back to Vancouver, I would be willing to sit in the cramped hull of a sailboat."

"Ms. Elsa, I beg your pardon, but someone with your inexperience driving a motorboat will take much longer to get to the intended destination," Alistair interrupted.

She whipped around, advancing on him, "Then what do you suggest, Alistair? Do you have any better way for me to get back?"

"In my opinion, your best interest is that you wait for the seven o' clock flight. I'm sure whomever you are meeting will understand that you have tried to, but cannot arrive on time," he insisted, intransigent.

"We could leave for the airport now," Mark said.

It wasn't that she was afraid Anna would be offended if she didn't make it. It wasn't really even that she feared Anna would be disappointed. Worry wasn't the reason she was so desperate to go.

This wasn't an obligation, a duty. Not to her.

It was because  _she_  wanted to.

* * *

 

They touched down at precisely seven thirty. The sun was already creeping over the horizon and all Elsa could think was that the sun was awake, the sun was goddamn awake right on time like it always was and it would dawn on Anna that Elsa could not give her anything that she wanted. That true love was just an illusion, because like the early morning fog, it would be burned away by the reality of afternoon flares.

Everything was a blur, because she was running. Running through the airport terminals, running onto the sidewalks, pushing herself to the limit because she would not forgive herself if she didn't. And when she stopped running, her surroundings were still a blur because she was in a car, with streetlamps and sidewalks and buildings roaring passed her.

But the blur that she liked was short-lived, because they soon hit morning traffic on the highway. "Take the carpool lane," she instructed her driver. She checked her watch, and her stomach plummeted when her weary eyes registered that it was almost eight.

A ride that would only have taken twenty-five minutes was going to take more than an hour because of all the other blasted roadblocks in her way. Just like this stupid disagreement they were having was taking up more time and energy and commitment than it was worth when all they really needed to do was just discuss it.

If her sister hadn't said those things, Elsa wouldn't have walked out. If Elsa hadn't been so thoughtless and goddamn afraid, Anna wouldn't have said those things. If Anna had been truthful with Elsa in the first place, Elsa would never have been so presumptuous and arrogant. If Elsa had trusted Anna in the first place, maybe she wouldn't have needed to be so anxious about everything. If Ursula and Morgana hadn't been so brazenly intrusive, Elsa wouldn't have felt as if she had a saw in her spine.

_Useless. Useless._

Thinking about whose fault this was wasn't going to get her there faster, she chastised herself. And it certainly wasn't going to slow time for her.

That was another thing, Elsa thought rigidly. Money couldn't buy time. Just like it couldn't buy understanding, couldn't buy real friendship, couldn't buy true love. The ironic thing was, sometimes working for money was harder than working for friendship or love. In fact, the love and friend that she and Anna had, she hadn't needed to work for it at all. It had come in the form of a gift—wrapped and all.

And maybe that was why she had gotten complacent and taken it for granted. Maybe only sometimes, very briefly, but she definitely had.

That was why she was being punished now. She had no more right to it because she had so readily walked away.

Which is why she got out of the car, ignoring all the protests, and ran.

She wasn't sure how long she had been running, but her lungs were on fire, her legs were weak from the ache, her heart was drumming and she was still running. Her shirt was plastered to her back from all the sweat. She couldn't feel her feet.

People stared. Children laughed. Dogs barked. Cars honked. She didn't care.

She thought of the only thing strong enough to distract her from the protests of her own throbbing body. She was done complaining about her woes, throwing dignified temper tantrums like a five-year-old when she couldn't get what she wanted.

She recounted all the things she knew about Anna: Her favourite fruit was watermelon. Her favourite snack was chocolate. She loved the green of emerald grass, especially underneath a pale sheet of cold diamond white. She always had a jump in her step. Her hair was strands of fire. Constellations of freckles graced her skin, the stars of all the dreams that Elsa had ever wanted to obtain. Her smile was the sunlight, her laugh like the wind.

But Anna was so much more than that. She slept on the right side of the bed because it was closest to the window, the sky. She was warmth, she was kindness, she was love. She was the midnight blue of the morning, the sweet sugar in chocolate that made the bitterness okay, the melodic pitter-patter of soft autumn rain after an unbearable heat wave.

Elsa burst through the glass doors of the restaurant at quarter past nine, finding the entire thing empty and devoid of life, save for one person peeking out of the back at the sudden disruption.

She was too late.

"Was someone here?" she demanded, as soon as the man approached.

"Sorry, we're not open now," he said, then mumbled, "Actually, we were just closing."

"Was a girl here? Copper hair, bright teal eyes?" She snapped, raising her volume in panic.

A look of contempt settled across the waiter's face. "Yeah, she was. Waited all night. For you, I'm guessing?" He didn't wait for her answer before saying, "Whatever she might've done to you, she certainly didn't deserve to be alone the entire night."

"When did she leave?"

He shrugged. "About an hour ago."

"Did she say where she was going?"

The waiter shrugged again. "Home, I guess. To recover from being stood up, probably. Although she did mention that she had to work today."

When she turned to leave, the man called after her, "Hey, are you her girlfriend? Can't imagine anyone else she'd wait more than twelve hours for. As far as I can tell, she's a real keeper, you know."

She halted in her step to answer, "No, I'm—" Then she remembered. "Yes, I'm her girlfriend."

Then, "And yes, I know."

The air was quiet and only disturbed by the sound of panting when a breathless Elsa opened the door to her condo slowly, as if there might be some secret she didn't want to uncover waiting for her on the other side. After a few steps in, she relished the smell of  _home_. Her leather armchair in the office was fine for about an hour, but it couldn't quite substitute for a real bed in a real home.

"Anna?" She whispered into the air. Only silence answered her.

Moving quickly, she checked Anna's room. Empty. Did she leave already?

Elsa was about to go back down the hallway to the exit when she saw a flash of red from the room across the corridor. Her own room, illuminated only by a single tunnel of light from between dark curtains. Delicately, she waded inside.

Her hands turned into cold metal, and a lump of spikes collected in her throat at the sight of Anna curled on her bed, back to the door. Her ginger hair stretched on the pillows behind her, like diffusing red dye in water. She hadn't even bothered to pull up the covers before falling asleep.

_I was too late._

Elsa's chest filled with shards of glass. She had walked closer and saw that there were tearstains on fair freckled cheeks, trails of rain from twin suns.

"Anna," Elsa breathed softly, tortured. Leaning down so that she could brush that rain away. The sleeping girl stirred lightly, defensively drawing her knees tighter to her chest, one cheek pressed against the pillow. Elsa could just make out a long incision on the side of her neck, red and angry, but not bleeding. "Oh, Anna."

"Elsa," Anna murmured, though the word was heavily coated with sleep. Her eyes were still closed, lashes wet and twitching; it took Elsa a moment to realize that she was still asleep. "She hates me.

"She hates me, Ariel."

Slurred, muffled, and unfocused, but the meaning was there if she listened with her heart, not her ears, and it bludgeoned Elsa as if it were a hammer. Her arm shaking, she reached out to caress her sister's head, stroking along smooth ginger locks. "How could I, Anna?" She whispered, strangled and tormented. "How could I hate you? It goes against my very existence."

Anna let out a soft sigh before muttering more unintelligible words and nudged herself deeper into the pillow, her breathing steady and even.

"You waited all night for me," Elsa continued, the volume of her voice barely above a low hum. It wasn't a question, and if it were an accusation, it was directed at herself. "It must've been hard. Waiting is the hardest thing, isn't it?" And that conjured all sorts of memories that she didn't want to remember.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, startling her hand away. Thank god she'd adopted the habit of having the ringer off. It was a text from Mark asking if she needed to rehearse her presentation for the Board, and she sorely did. Her eyes turned back to the sleeping girl, and instinct took over.

She reached out once more and brushed back messy locks of copper, leaned forward. "I'm sorry, Anna."

Anna let out another small sigh, but didn't react further.

Elsa closed her eyes, dipped her head just a bit more, and planted a light kiss on the side of her sister's forehead, lips barely touching fair skin. Reluctantly, she slipped away from the bed, and back into the living room to collect her things.

The jar on the kitchen counter attracted her attention, and her eyes dashed back to the half-open door.

" _If you have a new dream, write it here," Anna had admonished her, setting the jar next to the microwave._

" _Okay, but why do you need to put it in the kitchen?" She had queried, tilting her head. She felt like she was missing a point._

_Anna rolled her eyes and then grinned. "You think about it. You're smart; you'll understand when you're older."_

" _Okay, Mother. Are you going to have the sex talk with me, too?" Elsa bit back, but returned the smile._

" _Yeah, but minus the talking," Anna had retorted, grinning wider._

Elsa was unconsciously blushing at the topic that the conversation had rapidly devolved into. She shook her head of the thoughts, then retrieved a square piece of coloured origami paper from the stack beside the jar, hastily scribbled one word, and folded it into a star, the way she had learned from watching Anna do it before. The new honeydew green star landed beside the black Infinity star with a plop as it hit glass, and Elsa left the condo.

She understood now, though. Kitchens were where new things were constantly being created.

* * *

 

"I have adequate backing from the sponsors now, and next week I will be meeting with the realtors to discuss purchasable plots of land. If all goes well, the contracts will be signed and construction will begin within the month." Her pointer tapped the white screen that held the image the quietly humming projector was shining onto. Charts, graphs, and calculations littered her powerpoints, to prove her point and defend her arguments. She'd had nothing but time to prepare them, after all.

Ariel was seated closest to her, watching with thinly veiled interest and discomfort at being so close to her father's mortal enemies, Ursula and Morgana, who were snobbishly perched in leather chairs on the other side of the U-shaped conference table.

"I do hope we get a copy of the contracts," Ursula said, neutrality a poorly placed veneer to disguise her discontent, presumably regarding the borderline rude way Elsa had abruptly ended their rendezvous.

"Notice that there are copies contained within the files that I had handed to you upon your entrance," Elsa retaliated, her own contempt for the presumptuous sisters barely cloaked. She could hear Ariel's satisfied snicker in the way the redhead's eyes curved in amusement.

There was a ripple of silence as her audience scanned the information with their scrutinizing eyes.

"Other questions or concerns?" She prompted. This was the worst part of every presentation, always plagued by the crippling fear of not having a satisfactory answer to the critical questions directed her way. And with this audience, there were always judges looking for ways to dethrone her credibility. She just wanted to get this over with so she could find Anna and they could actually talk.

Her eyes hopped anxiously between Ursula, Morgana, Cruella, and Shan Yu.

"None from me," Kai granted, reclining in his chair to have a better view of his colleagues.

Elsa smiled at him; the man was always remarkably amiable for someone of his position, a role model that she could aspire to. Proof that fairness was still possible in an ugly world stained with blood and money.

Shan Yu was looking bored, his boots habitually stacked on the table as he stretched out on the chair. Elsa was surprised. Usually he'd be complaining about lack of forcefulness in her wording or lack of imposition in her presence, but today he was uncharacteristically silent. He also looked unsettlingly regaled.

Elsa scrutinized Cruella De Vil next, who was frowning at the document clutched in her hand. Did she have no bone to pick, either? This was bordering on shocking; Cruella De Vil was known to make trouble where there was no trouble.

"You should have included a more detailed breakdown of the material costs in the construction contract," she declared slowly. "And also perhaps a range of the size of land. It would make finding a suitably sized piece of land more efficient."

"My apologies," Elsa replied quickly. "I—"

"No need to bow your head," Cruella De Vil interrupted nonchalantly, gesturing vaguely with one gloved hand. "Just suggestions. The rest is satisfactory, I suppose."

And that was her stamp of approval, Elsa guessed, astounded at the lack of hostility that was so disparate compared to the last board meeting. She nodded; she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, and reluctantly turned to face Ursula and Morgana.

"This entire thing is foolish," Ursula spat callously. "You should have left some things tactfully ambiguous so that they could be exploited later. There is no room for deceit in this rubbish!"

"I don't expect that you think your silly vision can be completed without capitalizing on the trust of others," Morgana added, bony arms crossed over her chest. "In fact, none of this is something that your late father would venture, bless his soul. To me, this seems like you are trying to realize the folly of a schoolgirl."

"Unless…you were actually influenced by a ridiculous schoolgirl," Ursula scoffed, a gibe that was meant to reinforce the corrupted counsel that she and her sister had given Elsa earlier that month.

Elsa's jaw clenched; here it was again, fury as chilled as liquid nitrogen seared through her veins at her ineffectiveness in defending her sister once more.

But Elsa wasn't the only one stiffening at the blatant disrespect. "Listen up, you sad, deluded pair of wrinkled old hags," Ariel growled, eyes narrowing like a lioness defending her territory and Elsa was suddenly reminded of why they were friends. "What you're saying has about as much use as a dead rat. Either give some useful advice or just keep your worthless mouths shut. If you dare say another meaningless word about the President, her sister, or any other member of her family, then all it means is that you're jealous old dirtbags who could only lie and cheat their way to the top."

The sisters scowled simultaneously. "And what of it?" Morgana sneered, exchanging a glance with her sister. "Here we are, sitting on the Board of one of the most influential companies of the world. Would you say our tactics were ineffective?"

Elsa was startled by the heavy weight of Ariel's glare, now aimed at her, spurring her to speak. She remembered the pure rage in which the last meeting with Ursula and Morgana had resulted in, and both her tolerance and patience grew brittle. "I've wanted to refrain from saying this, but it's been years since the two of you have contributed anything useful to this company other than your money, and you wouldn't even be here if my father hadn't taken pity on you."

Her eyes turned into knives, sharp and ready to kill. "If you have the gall to say another word about my sister outside the boundaries of praise, I will not hesitate to have both of you removed from the premises and cast out onto the street below."

"I'd like to see you try," the fat woman countered, though real fear made its way to the surface of her deceitful eyes.

"You forget that my family controls the position of Chairman," Elsa almost snarled, losing the gloss of her composure. "Mark my words; if you utter another syllable of slander about my sister, I  _will_  follow through with my promise." Without missing a beat, she asserted sharply, "Meeting adjourned."

She watched with a sneaking satisfaction as Ursula and Morgana skulked quickly out of the conference room, tails between their legs. At the other side of the table, Elsa spotted Shan Yu lurching to his feet, and Cruella De Vil packing her adorned leather briefcase.

"A word, please," she requested courteously, nodding at both of them. "I am appreciative of your approval," she said tentatively to the two most influential members of her Board, offering her hand to Cruella De Vil.

The fashion aficionado stared for a moment, and then shook it. "I'm not the one you should be thanking," she disclosed.

"Nor I," Shan Yu grumbled after also accepting the handshake.

Elsa had thought the sudden one-eighty was strange. "Then who?" she hazarded warily, even though some deep recess of her mind already knew the answer and was bombarding her with guilt.

"Ms. Anna," Cruella De Vil said at the same time that Shan Yu muttered, "Anna." They looked at each other with mild amusement and surprise.

"I owed her a favour," explained Cruella, when Elsa, despite having braced herself, looked absolutely flabbergasted. "She did me a great service."

"She actually broke into my residence and demanded that I cooperate with you," Shan Yu chuckled, his rigid shoulders quivering ever so slightly with the laugh. "An interesting one, that girl. Her courage—or is it stupidity?—could put a number of my trained warriors to shame. Now, if you'll excuse me." He stalked off, a rare look of relaxation replacing the habitual scowl of hostility.

 _You stupid, stupid fool!_ Elsa stared at the ground, head churning with guilt and shame, and love.  _You let her fight your battles alone! For you! She did it for you! Even after you left her, tried to stop her, the complete opposite of encouraging, she pushed on, for_ you _!_ It was unfathomable how thoroughly frustrated she was with herself.  _You let her fight the battles that you were too terrified to initiate! How could you? What kind of sister are you?_

_How could you?_

_Fix this!_

"Mrs. De Vil," she called out suddenly, feet moving on their own to catch up with the older woman, who was already halfway down the hall. She could feel Ariel's tempered gaze following her, critical and denouncing. "Could I ask a favour?"

* * *

 

"… So after the Snow Queen's sister saves her, they reconcile and live happily ever after," Anna finished, closing the large book of fairytales that was in her lap.

"What's 'reconcile'?" Cecil asked, sprawled out on the carpet beside her.

"It means to be friends again," Ivy told him, getting up from her spot by Anna's other side to throw a pillow at her brother. "Like, when two people forgive each other."

"But why would they need to forgive each other, if they're friends?" The boy asked, giggling when he caught the cushion and flung it back at his older sister. "Don't they know each other enough to not need it?"

"Grrah," Ivy growled in exasperation and hunkered down beside him, fingers digging into his sides. "Say 'uncle'!"

"S-s-s-s-s-s-stop," he cried, laughing uncontrollably, twisting desperately on the ground to get away from his sister.

Why would they need to forgive each other, if they're friends? Anna pondered wistfully, smiling when Cecil finally managed to escape from his sister and ran away, inadvertently beginning a game of tag. Her hand flew to her neck, fingers brushing the outline of her Olaf necklace, the only tangible reminder she had left of the closeness she had shared with her sister.

Thinking of Elsa was like reopening fresh wounds, sewing them closed again, only to pull out the stitches again moments later. At this rate, she would never heal, but she couldn't stop her mind from drifting to the glass doors of Cactus Club, and how they never opened last night. How the stars had not been visible. How her only light came from the dying candle before her.

Her phone was heavy in her pocket, dead and lifeless because it had died around midnight and she had forgotten to charge it when she got home.

Just then, the beeping of the front door opening resounded throughout the house, and the two kids who were racing about hurled themselves at the entrance. Anna pulled herself to her feet, but even that was a struggle.

It was Cruella De Vil, home hours earlier than she was supposed to be.

"President De Vil," Anna said, greeting her employer with a small smile. "You're home early. It's only six-thirty."

"Maybe I have missed them," Mrs. De Vil replied, smiling down at the children who'd attached themselves to her legs. "A little."

Anna wished she could see the person she missed so easily as well.

"Shall I have my driver take you home?" Cruella suggested when Anna packed up her things and prepared to leave.

"No, it's fine," Anna answered, "Could I borrow your phone? I'll call my driver, or a cab."

"That may be unnecessary," Cruella De Vil remarked, looking past her to the street.

The hungry roar of an engine sounded behind her, and Anna turned her head to see a sports car, one she discerned, from the symbol on its hood, as a Lamborghini. A beautiful Lamborghini, painted a light chestnut, a shade that Anna had never seen before, on a car. The colour resembled…her hair, she realized, comparing the hue of her braid to the metal before her.

It wasn't a convertible, and its windows were tinted so dark; Anna couldn't make out the silhouette of the driver until the door opened and she caught a flash of white-gold hair.

Seeing Elsa again, after almost a month of deprivation, Anna felt like a blind woman finally viewing the sun for the first time. It was painful, blinding, to see something that she'd only envisioned in her dreams, and the utter shock of it knocked her breath right out of her.

Anna watched, frozen to the ground, as Elsa skirted around the front of the car to stop in front of her. Her platinum blond hair was twirled into its magnificent braid, adorned with snowflake-shaped diamonds. Her skin was as pale and fair as ever, almost glowing under the probing summer sun. Anna's gaze was drawn magnetically to Elsa's lips, painted a deep pink, curled into a smile, an offering.

Elsa's eyes were a warm shade of sky-blue, accentuated by sparkling lavender eyeshadow dusted on her eyelids.

"Is that her important person?" Anna heard Cecil ask, and Ivy shushed him.

She felt her invisible wound tear open, wider, wider, wider.

"Hi," Elsa said. "I think I really disappointed the person I care the most about. A-and I needed to talk to my best friend and sister about it. The thing is, they're all you."


	38. I Love You

Elsa wasn't sure what she was expecting. If she were expecting anything at all. Though she supposed that everything would be a jarring surprise if she did not have any inkling of what she was expecting.

Of all the possible reactions that she was prepared for though, perhaps this one was the least foreseeable. The worst thing was, her socially inept brain could not put an emotion to Anna's face outside the confines of…well, sad. Her prestigious Oxford degree was doing her a fat lot of good in this situation—she certainly hadn't predicted herself being so incompetent that she would not be able to decipher the feeling on her sister's face when they met again.

Anna just looked…sad. Elsa had expected resentment, expected disappointment, bitterness, even pure anger at the indignation that she had put Anna through—yet, there was none of that, because if she really thought about it, Anna would never feel that way toward her. And perhaps that was the most devastating thing of all—that Elsa had completely and utterly disappointed Anna, that Anna had every right in the word to be belligerent or bitter, but  _still_ , she wasn't. Her faith was still not shattered like the broken glass in Elsa's chest, but rather, resilient, like perfect gold—malleable, ductile, stretched thin and still remaining unbroken. Where did this undeserved loyalty come from?

They still had an audience, so Elsa gave an appreciative nod to Cruella De Vil, reached for Anna's hand—which was disconcertingly cold—and ushered her to the passenger side of the custom-made Lamborghini Gallardo that she had hastily ordered this afternoon. Elsa opened the door for her sister, and Anna slid in after a stilted wave to the kids. Amiably, but wordlessly, no doubt automatically deferring authority to Elsa in front of their observers.

She shifted back into the driver's seat, and turned on the ignition, the hungry roar of its 570-horsepower engine desperately crying for speed. With a wistful glance at Anna, who was staring silently out the side window, she eased on the accelerator and turned the car around, going back down the road she came.

The silence was deafening; even the rumble of the engine failed to drown out the reticence. Keeping her eyes locked anxiously on the road, Elsa opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it again. Open, close.

" _Do not just blurt an apology," Ariel had exhorted her._

" _Why not?"_

" _Because it's exasperatingly thoughtless. Anyone can say 'I'm sorry'. It takes more than that to actually prove it. You of all people should understand that."_

Damn this social ineptitude! Was she so stunted that she couldn't even initiate a simple conversation? Hands gripping tighter around the steering wheel because even the damned leather upholstery was more coherent than she was, she snuck a glance at Anna.

Anna's head was turned to face the outside, head propped lightly on the hand of the arm resting at the base of the window.

Why was this so hard? Whatever she might say, Anna would never judge her for it. Always accepted, that was what Anna did. So why did words feel like boulders lodged at the bottom of her throat, too heavy to force out? Being with Anna, it was supposed to be as easy as breathing, but even so there were times when you had to gasp for air.

She actually did have a speech of some sort, prepared for this moment. She'd written it after an hour of restless pacing that afternoon, after speaking with Cruella De Vil. In case something like this happened, where the air was so thick and stifled that she almost had to wheeze for breath.

"Anna," Elsa finally managed, through the tunnel of her throat. "Someone once told me, 'In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing'. Perhaps it was rather paradoxical in its meaning. Sometimes nothing is the best thing." No, no, this was all wrong. This was not supposed to sound like some speech she'd prepared for Philosophy 101, and it would only result in Elsa hiding behind big words and definitions. No. She did not need a script around Anna. She never did.

No, this was not something that was professional or logical. It did not need a thesis and arguments and counterarguments. Because the world never worked that way. She tried again, muttering, "No, scratch that." Cold sweat broke out on her forehead, and her hands were clammy against the soft leather of the wheel. Why did she feel like she was giving a campaign speech to the entire population of Canada?

Then it occurred to her that Anna was more important to her than the entire population of planet Earth combined. Because Anna amounted to more than every life form, every human being, every creature that ever walked the Earth and would walk the Earth.

And that was precisely why this was a matter of heart, not of mind. Elsa knew who she was, and to whom she belonged. So why did she need to pretend? Why did she need to sugarcoat her words? Why did she need to use some roundabout façade to communicate her feelings?

She didn't!

_Just say what you feel._

Spaghetti.

With a jerk of the wheel, she swerved the car off the road and the sports car (which probably should have been treated with more care and respect) lurched to a halt, and before she could lose her nerve she blurted, "I want my meatballs back." She focused her eyes on the rear view mirror to distract herself and dissipate the embarrassment that was forming, watching her bodyguard's black car pull in behind them, before craning her neck to gauge her sister's reaction.

Cars on the highway whizzed by them, and Anna had turned to look Elsa in the eye for the first time since they'd started driving, eyes uncertain. And offered a tentative smile, which was more than evidence that she wanted to fix things, too. "We can get Swedish meatballs at Ikea."

"No, you—" Too many things were trying to barge out of her mouth all at once, and Elsa had to steel herself, sifting through all the jumbled apologies and half-developed ideas. "I lied, Anna. I did have a dream before, when I was a kid. I used to envision a future where…where you were safe and healthy and happy—and as far away from me as possible."

Anna opened her mouth to reply, or maybe to refute, and Elsa held up a hand to stop her. "Please, let me get this out." Because if she stopped now, she might not have been able to afford enough courage to push the words out again. She stared firmly at the Lamborghini logo on the wheel, to concentrate, to get her words out just right. "I used—I used to think that as long as you were safe and well that you'd be happy, whether we were close or not. I used to think that I could get away with eliminating every threat to your wellbeing in the shadows, without ever letting you know. I thought that being away from you was an adequate price for your happiness, if that was what it took."

Deep breath. "But I should have known that you, being you, would have never taken that lying down. Of course it was you, being you, who never gave up on me, never forgot me, never abandoned me. And even more I should have known that you, being you, would never just stand idly by while watching me work. Because you're you. You're the sun, Anna, everything your light touches turns warm. Even the furthest, coldest planet. Asking you to leave me alone would be like asking the sun to stop shining." She was a little shocked at her coherence—she'd thought she would have been reduced to a blubbering puddle of words by now. But then again, everything was easier with Anna. "And you have no idea how much that means to me."

Inhaling again, she concluded, "And therein lies the problem. I was—I was so desperate to protect you that I—I tried to take away your power to choose. I'm trying to be honest, Anna. I don't know what to do anymore. But…the only thing I know is this: whatever I decide to do, I want it to be after I talk about it with you." After a moment of stewed silence, she snuck a glance at her sister.

"I really… miss spaghetti, too. Everything you've ever done was for my sake. I knew that, but I still say such lousy things. I've been such an idiot."

A wave of relief washed over her, and she let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Apparently, it runs in the family." Then she reached out to lightly brush the thin cut on Anna's neck with her index finger, feeling the wound slice across her own neck. "That—must have hurt." She half-expected Anna to shy away from her touch, but it didn't happen.

Instead, she felt a warm hand holding hers in place when she tried to pull away. Elsa couldn't help but stare, dumbly and silently, as Anna threaded their fingers together. God, she'd missed this. Feeling it again brought the sensation of missing to an even more acute level, like the sharp pain of a wound after being pressed.

"There are worse things," Anna said, revealing a smile, as precious and priceless as a newly discovered diamond.

"Like being disappointed by someone you love?" Elsa replied, lips curving down in a forlorn gloom. She'd screwed up so badly. And twice. Because if she were completely candid with herself, she would admit that her decision to go to Victoria was not purely out of interest for the company. Again, she had been running away. And she hadn't even succeeded in running away, pathetic thing that she was. Putting as much distance between them as she could rationalize doing. "I got your message too late, Anna. I know that's no excuse, but—"

"If I were honest too, Elsa, I think a part of me didn't want you to come. The part of me that chose to message you on Skype, where you probably wouldn't even see, believed that I didn't deserve you coming. I said some really horrible things, see, and when I think about what you did for me, I just—I just thought I deserved some sort of punishment for that. I probably deserved worse."

If Elsa weren't holding on to Anna's hand, she imagined that Anna would have pulled away (ironically). "It was my fault, Anna. I shouldn't have been so addled when I found out."

A pair of bright teal eyes swung up to stare defiantly back at her. "No! I should have—I should have told you. Heaven knows I would feel betrayed too if I found out you were doing dangerous things behind my back."

"No, it is most definitely my fault! If I had worded my—my thoughts differently, then you wouldn't have been so angry to say what you did!"

"I was the one who said hurtful and thoughtless things! I—I should put a muzzle on my mouth to prevent all the stupid things from spilling out of it."

Elsa laughed, feeling lighter than she had all month. Held up her other hand in defeat. "Okay, okay, truce. Onions, right?"

Anna grinned back at her. "Onions." A beat, and then, "I'd be grateful if you would tape my mouth shut if I say another stupid thing."

"You may tie me to a chair if I try to run away again," was Elsa's playful retort. Her attention was alarmingly arrested by the sensation of her sister's thumb tracing gentle circles on the knuckle of her index finger.

"Actually, about that," Anna said, and Elsa had to tear her eyes away from their entwined hands. "I get why you do. It's not always bad, I think. You don't give yourself the chance to say something more hurtful back to me. I think that's a better choice than staying and saying something you'll regret. I know that's what I should have done."

"It wasn't one hundred percent for selfless reasons," Elsa grumbled, and shot a glance at the rear view mirror. There was a reason she chose such dark windows for this car. Might be too soon for that, though.

On another note, even the black glass wasn't enough to keep out the persistent rays of evening sun, and the golden light touched Anna's hair to flame. Reason number four thousand and eighty-one why Elsa loved Anna so much. The way the soft star fire rested on her, turned her hair to molten copper, her eyes to liquid kindness—anyone, even a stranger could immediately see that this person was the epitome of love.

Although she would be lying if she'd said she wasn't attracted to those full, pink lips, that fair, creamy neckline. Those aquamarine eyes—she would be happy to look into them for the rest of eternity. Get lost in them.

She didn't realize that she had been staring (so distracted) until Anna whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Me, too," she said back, reaching out with her other hand to cup her sister's cheek, relishing the relief the feeling brought. Like she had been suffocating and Anna was her air. Like she was dying of thirst and Anna was her water.

They were close enough to kiss then, and they did. Elsa couldn't remember who instigated it through the haze of fervor in her mind, but she responded eagerly and all she could feel was Anna's lips, soft but demanding, Anna's cheeks under her hands, delicate but firm. She vaguely noticed the sensation of the seatbelt holding her back, and she fumbled with the buckle to remove it as quickly as possible, leaning closer when she finally managed it.

This time, she didn't hold back. This time, there was no retreat while her sister advanced, no restraint on her part at all. A month of segregation had thoroughly destroyed it. An alcoholic having the finest brandy for the first time in forever.

So she couldn't hold back a moan when she felt her bottom lip being gently tugged at by a hot mouth, but the sound was muffled by a warm tongue, gentle but adventurous, pressing against her own.

And the stupid stick shift was a third wheel between them, preventing tighter contact. Elsa growled when she felt it press against her hip when she tried to shift closer from the edge of her seat. She briefly wondered why she'd chosen a sports car with manual transmission for tonight's excursion, but the thought dissipated through the mist in her brain because despite all the practice that they'd had, a month of separation seemed to wipe it all away, and Elsa found it hard to focus on anything aside from Anna, Anna, Anna. Hands on her shoulders, neck, fingers tracing her jawline—Anna was everywhere, solar flares everywhere, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep track.

There was a fleeting satisfaction that the Anna's face and neck were also growing warmer under Elsa's caresses, but it too joined the pile of discarded thoughts that she was too addled to entertain. Who needed coherent thought when they had tangible sensations anyway?

A sharp rap on the driver's side window shook them apart, flushed and panting and alarmed. Elsa smoothed her hair back and rolled down the window to find a police officer hovering outside. When had the  _police_  shown up? She must have been really distracted to not have heard the sirens. Actually, yeah, she was really distracted, and she reddened at the thought.

"Yes, officer? How can I help you?" She was slightly annoyed at the interruption, because she still had not gotten her fill of brandy yet.

"Are you aware that you cannot stop here?" The man responded.

Was that it?  _That_  was what she had paused kissing Anna for? Pfff. She almost laughed. "Go ahead and put the ticket on the windshield," she said, and that was the end of it because there were more important things to do. Smiling widely like an idiot, she reached again for her sister, who had turned her head to stare out the window (most likely to hide her blush). Her fingers tangled in the fiery locks at the back of Anna's neck, and the girl turned at the contact, an amused smile on her lips.

Elsa pulled her into another kiss, and they could feel each other grinning, because there was a voice, distant and unimportant calling for their attention. Neither of them cared, because  _there were more important things at hand_.

And it felt so good to not care. An army of RCMP could show up, in their royal uniforms and situated loftily on horseback, and they still wouldn't be enough to make Elsa stop kissing Anna. There was a faint chuckle, Elsa vaguely registered, which she supposed was the officer giving up in his attempt to reacquire her attention. But it was swiftly lost when she felt a tongue on her lips demanding access once again.

This kiss was airy and carefree, coloured by occasional giggles and short-lived laughter but not without a measure of heat rivalling that of the last one. Fingers coiled in golden locks, pulling them free of their braid, and hands knotted in chestnut ones, until they mixed into a river of champagne and rosé, liquid platinum in molten lava.

When they finally broke apart, they were still giggling, with foreheads pressed together and noses touching.

Still snickering uncontrollably, Anna whispered, "I can't believe you just shooed a cop away."

Elsa's hands were rested like a necklace around Anna's collar. She was smiling too, almost grinning, which was a little unsettling, rather unlike herself. She did have her grinning-like-an-idiot moments, but usually those were encountered in the privacy of her bedroom, and were usually brought on by silly memories or frivolous quotes. Seldom did she grin so crazily in front of company. Then again, Anna did have a way of bringing out the best parts of her—wait, if this was one of her best parts, that was a bit disturbing. "I missed you."

Anna leaned in for another kiss. "Mm, you should miss me more often, then. You usually kiss me like I'm a piece of expensive china."

Elsa hummed blissfully in return. "No, I wouldn't treat expensive china with as much care."

"Liar. You treat everything with care."

"Not the same care though," she murmured, and silenced any further retorts with a wicked kiss.

"How many are we at now?" She heard Anna ask when they parted for air again.

"Hm, lost count."

Anna looked away, fiddling with platinum blond locks. "What are you thinking about?"

"About how if I don't feed you soon, I could be convicted of a crime. You see, your stomach is protesting. Rather loudly, I might add." Elsa watched in bemused silence as Anna peered down at her traitorous stomach and flushed a bright red.

"I haven't eaten all day, okay?" Anna sputtered hastily.

Elsa laughed. "It's like the call of the void. Well, it's good you're hungry. Let's get going, then."

* * *

 Elsa tossed the valet her keys and she and Anna headed for the restaurant.

"Why is the beach empty? There were a lot more people when I was here last night," Anna said, looking around at the empty water and deserted sandy shores. The sun was a flaming ball of fire a little ways above the horizon, casting dancing stars onto the ocean waves.

"I… closed off the entire beach."

"You—what?!"

Elsa shrugged. There were two scenarios that she'd planned for: one where she had clammed up the entire car ride and one where she'd somehow conjured up the courage to talk. If it had been the former, then she had imagined Anna might've been angry, and this way she could reel on Elsa all she wanted—without the curious glances of an audience. "I can open it up again if you want."

"Why did you close it down in the first place?"

She shrugged again. The notion seemed silly now. "In case you wanted to kill me, you know. There would be no witnesses, so you could get away with murder."

Anna stared at her as if she'd just sprouted antlers. "You thought I would be angry?"

The tips of her ears felt hot; Anna was using an uncharacteristic tone of chastisement—the sound made Elsa want to hide. If Anna weren't angry before, would she be angry now? "I don't know," she admitted weakly. "I just thought—you had every right to be angry with me."

"I hope we aren't revisiting this argument again. You're the one with the right to be angry."

"But I'm also the one who kept you waiting all night."

It was Anna's turn to shrug as they crossed the road. "We talked about this, too. Can we just settle on this being no one's fault?"

Elsa readily agreed. She was tired of things not black and white. "I'll settle for that," she said. "No," she interrupted when Anna pulled open the glass door of the Cactus Club.

Anna stared at her quizzically. "Not here?"

"Not here." With that, Elsa ushered her sister around the outskirts of the restaurant and toward the beach. She'd had a dock made just for tonight, extending relatively far over the ocean. It had needed to reach over a deeper portion of water, because the of that thing, just the way she had commissioned it. A two hundred and sixty foot motor yacht, complete with three floors and six rooms—essentially a hotel-on-a-boat, for it had all the amenities of a five star hotel: a swimming pool, hot tub and Jacuzzi, gym, spa,  _jet skis_  (she figured Anna would be all for those). Most importantly, it featured a circular dining room overlooking the water, and a state-of-the-art kitchen.

She felt Anna grab her arm, gripping it in a vice. Indistinctly alarmed, she looked over at her sister.

"Elsa. Help. I'm falling." Anna's voice was choked, coming out in a squeak.

Elsa raised an eyebrow and shot at glance at Anna's feet, which were still firmly planted in the sand. "Um. You're fine." The last bit was kind of a question.

"Is that—is that for us?"

She guided Anna a closer, just enough so that the large boat blocked out the sun and they would make out the name: SS Oblivious. She had to laugh at the irony; she'd picked out the name herself and had it painted over its original title. "No, actually, we're going out in a canoe. This is for some other pair of siblings from another filthy rich family." She waved to the smaller boats next to it. They were actually for her guards, since she wanted as little a crowd as possible on the yacht, and she had requested beforehand that they follow in smaller motorboats.

But Anna paid her jibes no heed, tugging repeatedly on Elsa's sleeve. "Oh, my god, Elsa, that's a boat! That's a yacht!"

"Yes…"

"A yacht!"

"I know. I picked it out."

"Ohhhhh my god, you—you did?!" Only a moment before, Anna had been still as a statue, the next she looked ready to hop about across the deck and dive straight into the water, eyes overflowing with excitement, like a small child seeing her first toy.

Elsa imagined that anything she said right now would be exciting to Anna. Most likely including the colour of the bagel that she'd had for breakfast or the sixteenth decimal of pi. Still, she was relieved that finally she'd done  _something_  right. And that it'd made Anna happy. She would have to come up with stuff like this more often, because she knew she would want to see Anna look like this again, almost hopping with excitement.

"Do you want to board it?"

The question was barely out of her mouth when the eager girl raced across the rest of the long wooden platform. Elsa decided that she was probably buoyant enough to walk on water at this point. To her surprise, Anna stopped when she reached the boat and came running back to her.

"Come  _on_ , Elsa!"

And then she was being tugged forward by the force of a freight train, barely managing to keep from tripping over her feet. Where did Anna's sudden balance come from?

"I'm glad you like it," she breathed, when they scrambled onto the main deck. "Shall we set sail?"

But Anna had already run off to check out the swimming pool and hot tub a little ways off, leaving Elsa to just stare happily after her. She felt more fulfilled and satisfied at the look of pure elation on her sister's face than she had after countless sessions of successful contracts or meetings. More delighted than being praised for her perfect grades or perfect posture or perfect whatever.

_I wish all the happiness in the world for you._

Her captain for the evening, Eric Jensen, trod up beside her, boots clicking against the finely polished wood. He was a slim young man, in his late twenties, with black hair and brown eyes. His age rendered his experience prone to doubt, but Elsa had been impressed by his resume in the short time that she'd had to prepare and decided that he was the most suitable for this evening. The clincher was this: during his background check, she had discovered that he was gay.

"Fine night to go sailing! Shall we set off?"

She nodded, not taking her eyes off her sister. "Yes. Please." She then approached Anna, who was entertaining herself by making waves in the pool with her hands. "Anna, I'm going to go change. Um, there are clothes for you in the master stateroom; I'll have someone show you where it is. If you want."

Anna stared at her curiously, for Elsa's tone suggested that this was more than just a casual dinner date. "Okay," she agreed. But before Elsa could take off, she was seized by the elbow and locked into a bear hug. "Thank you."

"You don't… need to thank me."

* * *

 

_Falling, falling so hard._

That is how Anna felt, once again, when she stepped into the master stateroom. This room was bigger than her room back at Arendelle Manor—it had room for an L-shaped white leather sofa in the corner, an aquarium half-separating the bedroom-living room hybrid from the area where the bed was. And the view! When she looked out the window, all she could see was a vast expanse of untamed ocean.

Elsa was taking her by surprise in so many ways that she, despite being the spontaneous, could not recover from one before another came. Not fair, not fair at all, Elsa's effect on her. She still haven't recovered from the extraordinary kisses that she had received in the car—and Elsa had actually broken character and told a police officer to get out!

Just thinking about those kisses sent a rush of adrenaline pulsing through her veins, and a hot flush creeping up her neck. God, those kisses were so—so—unbridled. Powerful and hungry, like the water from a burst dam—free. Anna fanned herself—Elsa would be waiting for her if she did not hurry up and find something to wear. Ack, she'd forgotten to ask Elsa about the dress code for tonight and wondered if the walk-in closet would have answers.

Padding across the snowy carpet and pulling open the door, she was greeted with a mass of clothes—ranging from dinner dresses to graphics tees, separated into sections. Wait, were all these newly bought? Because Anna did not recognize a single article of clothing. She was wondering what exactly Elsa wanted her to wear when she discovered a note, taped above the spot between the dinner dress section and the summer dress section.

_These would be most appropriate for tonight—but only if you want._

God, Elsa was saying that a lot these days, wasn't she? Why was she under this weird impression that Anna would not want whatever she wanted? Anna was going to have to change that one way or another. She bit her lip, scanning the selection of dresses that would best compliment her hair and eye colour—Gah, Elsa had not made this easy at all!  _All_ of these went with her hair and eyes, ranging from turquoise blue to emerald green to topaz gold to coral rose to crimson garnet. Why? Whyyyyyy!

She selected a dress at random, after a game of eeny-meeny-miny-mo, and her hand pulled out a strapless satin chiffon dress—light coral, bordering on pink—and tried to imagine herself in this. And blushed, because its jeweled bodice featured a strapless sweetheart neckline, which showed off more than she was used to. But, she was going to meet with Elsa, right? Soooo there was nothing to be afraid of.

It was on in a flash, and after pulling up the side zipper, she surveyed herself in the mirror. Well, success, because she didn't look horrible. Then again, she probably couldn't look horrible in any of these dresses, what with all the effort and thought that Elsa put into choosing them for her.

For a second, she let her mind wander off to what Elsa would be wearing. The ice blue dress from the Anniversary Banquet? Because holy god, did Elsa look gorgeous in that. With that thought, Anna glanced back down at herself. Elsa would without a doubt be eons nicer-looking than Anna in whatever she wore.

Anna sucked in a breath as her mind entertained all sorts of interesting ( _haha_ ) images of Elsa in different shades of blue, in dresses of varying lengths and how good they would look on her…

… And how good they would look off of her— _Nonononononononono stop that train of thought this instant! Augh! You are not a pervert!_

She needed to stop herself before all cognitive functions shut down from the overload, so she drifted over to the shoes section and searched for the right pair of heels. Elsa had chosen heels with moderate height for her on the night of her prom, but Anna did not imagine they would be doing much jumping today, so she selected a daring pair of five-inch silver glitter platforms.

Then she undid her hair, because pigtails were not the right type of hairstyle for this dress, and frowned in front of the dresser, mulling over what she should do with her bird's nest of copper locks. She fumbled in the drawers for equipment, and found a curling iron, makeup, and a myriad of hair accessories. Okay, among the limited things she could do with her stubborn hair, there was only one style that would appropriate for tonight.

Ugh, finally. How did Elsa get her hair to obey her so willingly like the servants she employed? Was her air of dominance so compelling that even her hair had no choice but to comply?

Well, a mussed-up wavy look was all Anna could manage, so after a few experiments with various shades of eyeliner and lipstick, she wiped them off, deciding that she would fare better going the all-natural look than sporting crooked lipstick or uneven eyeliner. Also, a small part of her brain told her that even if she wore lipstick it would be smeared pretty soon. Heh.

She flushed again, shook her head, and made for the hallway that led up to the deck at the bow of the boat, where they would be having dinner. The waves gently rocked the yacht, and the air was sprayed with the scent of sea salt. The sun was just touching the horizon now, infusing the water with a mist of fire.

Anna reached the round dinner table where they would have their meal, and waited, hoping she did not look silly.

She did not have to wait long, for Elsa emerged from the other side of the deck.

"Anna?"

She turned at the sound of her name being called and the clatter of heels on wood.

And her jaw. Dropped. Hit the ground with a crash, taking her mental functions with it on its suicide dive.

Elsa was… Elsa was…

D-dressed in a  _t-t-t-tuxedo_. Only this one looked like it had been tailored with Elsa already in it. The jacket was a shiny obsidian, its contours cherishing the soft curve of elegant hips, the kind that forbade blinking or any lapse in attention whatsoever. The waistcoat underneath coloured a sensual blue, coinciding exactly with the shade of Elsa's eyes and somehow emphasizing the swell of her bust. And a tie, midnight blue—like the blue of morning before dawn—held together the collar of the white dress shirt underneath.

Anna had no idea where to look, each part was vying for her attention and her brain had promptly aborted all process and abandoned ship, so she stood there, blinking as fast as she could in a failed attempt to reorient herself, mouth flapping dumbly like a seagull's wings.

Another surprise that hadn't failed to knock her off her feet—she was not ready for this! Her eyes were not ready for this! Her brain was evidently not ready for this, god dammit. And she hadn't even looked at Elsa's face ye—gah!

"Could you—c-could you blindfold me for the rest of the evening so I can actually function?" She coughed, slapping a hand over her eyes.

"Why?" Anna heard a confuzzled voice ask. "Do I look weird?"

That was so ironic and WRONG that Anna almost shouted, "N-no. No no no no. You look—very…handsome. And beautiful. And gorgeous and stunning and amazing butIcan'tthinkifIlookatyousoI'msosorrybrainisherniatingagain—"

A gentle hand coiled around her wrist in an attempt to pry her hand off of her eyes, and as soon as she could see again, Elsa kissed her, long and hard. She gripped onto Elsa's shoulders in a weak attempt to steady herself, and it's a good thing that an arm was holding her by the waist because she was ready to fall over, five-inch heels be damned!

Well, at least kissing Elsa meant that Anna wouldn't be able to see the rest of her but her libido was running wild at the way Elsa's lips moulded, soft but firm, against her own. A low moan, almost a whimper, escaped her because she was so overwhelmed by everything, Elsa's front pressed flush against her, hands tracing her waist, her neckline, and her shoulders—was this called sensation overload? And Anna was rarely overwhelmed—okay, just kidding, when it came to Elsa she was easily overwhelmed, haha.

Especially today. When Elsa arrived to pick her up in a Lamborghini that was the colour of  _her_  hair, when Elsa had explained all her feelings so thoroughly—it had been so much more profound than a simple apology. Anna would have been satisfied with a simple apology, but Elsa always exceeded expectations. In everything.

Her eyes were still closed when they parted for air, partly because she was still processing, partly because if she looked, then it would be brain cell mutiny. She licked her lips instinctively, and opened her eyes in surprise when she tasted lipstick.

"Haha, oops," Elsa said sheepishly, swiping a thumb across Anna's lips to rub off the lipstick. They were still so close that Anna could smell fresh wintertime on Elsa's breath, so close that she could number each dark eyelash, count every single freckle on her older sister's face. See the thin lines of black eyeliner around her icy blue eyes. The cardinal red on her full, supple lips. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"You're beautifuller," Anna huffed back, focusing on the creamy white of Elsa's jaw. Just when she thought she couldn't get more attracted to Elsa, here she was, falling even harder. So much more beautifuller.

A knock behind them made them jump apart. "Shall we start serving dinner?" A man, the waiter that Anna recognized from Cactus Club last night, asked.

"It's you!" She exclaimed.

"And she did come," the waiter said, gesturing to Elsa beside her. "Almost like she ran."

"You did?" Anna gasped, looking at Elsa, who ducked her head. Her beautiful, platinum blond head, with its locks twirled into a plait that formed her bun.

"Yes, I—"

"You didn't tell me!"

Elsa sighed. "I didn't make it, Anna. It's insignificant if I didn't make it."

"But you tried!" So Elsa hadn't just thrown those messages away, after all. Not that Anna thought Elsa would, but still, a miniscule amount of doubt had been there. Gone, now.

"So?" Elsa stared back at her, looking weary all of a sudden.

Anna grinned at her. She thought they were making progress about how the world wasn't in black and white, but—baby steps. "The point is you tried. You get an A++ for trying."

"Okay," Elsa said, but it seemed more like an I-don't-want-to-discuss-this-right-now okay rather than an I-agree-with-you-one-hundred-and-fifty-percent okay. "Let's eat. You must be starving."

"I could eat a horse," Anna replied, as if it were fact.

"No horses today," Elsa chuckled. "But I have a feeling you'll like what I have planned."

Anna's stomach rumbled. "God, Elsa, I'll even eat the forks and knives."

The main entrée for dinner, as it turned out, was Spaghetti Bolognese, prepared with extra meatballs. Anna was so hungry that they decided to skip the appetizer (because who needs salad, anyway?) and go straight to the main course. Three large heaping portions of pasta, two crème brûlées, and three ice creams later, Anna settled back in her seat and sighed happily.

"Anna, I had forgotten that you were a walking void. Were you planning on eating the entire yacht, too?"

"Yeah," Anna retorted, "If you're not nice to me, I'll eat the entire boat and wash it down with ocean."

"Then you'll expand to the size of Pluto and become a new planet with your own gravity." Elsa shuddered. "Dear god, that thought is scary. Planet Anna."

"That has a nice ring to it," Anna said, snickering. "If I had my own gravity, you'd need a rocket to escape me."

Elsa grimaced. "I'm trying to imagine your face on a planet and the images are so horrifying that I'm afraid I might not get any sleep tonight. Please don't ever change."

"Will you still love me if I turned into an obese planet?"

"An  _obese_  planet? Good god, how massive do you want your gravity to be?"

"Big enough to keep you around forever," Anna quipped.

"I'm not sure I want to be around you forever," Elsa retorted, laughing, and Anna wanted to give her a good whack. Then, so soft that Anna almost missed it, "You wouldn't need any sort of gravity to keep me around forever."

She didn't know how to respond to that; Elsa was always the one who was good with words.

"What would you be though?" Elsa asked, leaning forward, elbows on the table. "If you had forever."

At first, Anna thought jobs—her crazy dream jobs—astronaut, firefighter, scuba diver, private investigator. But then she realized there was something she wanted to be, above all of that. Above and beyond. "Your sister."

Elsa looked surprised, genuinely surprised. Well, Anna was a little surprised at her answer, too, but that did not make it any less true. "You'd already have that forever. It isn't something you can change."

"Forever, though," Anna said. "In the next life. And the next. And the next. I wouldn't trade anything for who I am right now."

"Despite all the times I've hurt you?"

"I wouldn't trade those memories away for anything in the world, either."

"Anna—"

She fiddled with the tablecloth. "You make it sound like I'm the one who had it tough all those years, Elsa, when it was really you."

"Not knowing is the hardest thing."

She turned to look at the sun, the last bit of it melting into the horizon. "It's also the easiest thing."

"I feel like we've gone off on a tangent," Elsa said, and Anna knew that was her way of acknowledging the truth of both statements. "What do you want to do now?"

Anna lit up with an idea. "Sing!"

" _Sing_?" Elsa echoed.

"I saw a karaoke set in the theatre on my way to the master stateroom. Come on, Elsa! It'll be fun!" She batted her eyelashes, and watched smugly as defeat settled into her older sister's eyes.

"Oh, alright," Elsa said, and Anna was already free of her seat, skirting around the table to tow Elsa to the room.

The theatre was small (for a theatre), containing only a large plasma screen and a snowy white foam couch that actually felt like laying on powdery flakes. Anna was thankful that she was moderately good with electronics, because Elsa was (or seemed) completely uninterested in them. She plugged in the karaoke set and chose a song, handing Elsa a mic.

"Uh, how about you sing, and I'll listen?"

"Elsa! There's no one here, and we both know you can sing. Come on, think of it as a late birthday present? Pleeeeeze?" Anna begged. "I'll get down on my knees if you want."

Elsa took the microphone before Anna could follow through with her offer. "Okay, okay, fine."

Anna grinned. Elsa was so cute. "You're the best."

The first strains of the tune started playing, and Elsa grumbled, "Wait, Anna, I don't know this song!"

"Oh, come on, you can infer it from the harmony of the instrumental!" Upon an exasperated look from Elsa, Anna paused the song and sifted through the cabinets until she found a songbook with the chords. "You can sight-read it, right?"

Elsa took the book from her. "Anna, do you know how long it's been since I sight-read  _anything_?"

"You can do it! I know you can! You have the guy part, okay?"

"Why do I have the guy part?"

"Because your voice is lower!"

Elsa sighed in defeat and scanned the notes. "'Love is an Open Door'? Really? This song looks way too happy."

"Elsaaaaaaa," Anna whined. "Pleeeeasee? 'Hakuna Matata' is way happier than this song!" If puppy dog eyes weren't going to work, then she would resort to violence. "You always used to sing with me!"

Elsa shot Anna an amused expression. "I reject that. I feel I was coerced." But then, when Anna looked ready to hit her, she acceded, "Alright already, just go."

Anna hit play on the remote, and she began, " _Okay, can I say something… crazy?_ "

Elsa made a face. "'I love crazy'? Seriously? Only weirdo manipulative creeps say things like that. No one actually loves crazy. My skin is crawling already."

Anna paused the song. " _Elsa!_ "

"Okay, okay.  _I love crazy!_ " She said mockingly when Anna started the song again. Anna's hand was itching to hit something, but decided that this was probably the best she was going to get.

" _All my life has been a series of doors in my face,_ " she sang, " _And then suddenly I bump into you._ "

"I… was thinking the same thing? 'Cause like,  _I've been searching my whole life to find my own place, and maybe it's the party_ —what party?— _talking, or the chocolate fondue_ ," Elsa paused the song. "Okay, I'm really questioning your taste in music right now."

"Just humour me!" Anna yelped. She was already starting to regret her decision in choosing this song, and wondered if people would laugh at her funeral if she died by humiliation. She pushed on anyways. Unpause. " _But with you—_ "

Elsa (reluctantly) continued, " _But…with you, I found my place._ "

" _I see your face._ "

And they both carolled, " _And it's nothing like I've even known before…_ "

"…  _Love is an open door…_ "

" _Love is an open—_ "

Elsa paused it. "I cannot tell you how weirded out I feel about this." Anna shot her a death glare, and she quickly restarted the thing.

" _Love is an open door—_ "

Anna sang, " _With you_ —"

" _With you._ " Elsa deadpanned.

" _With you!"_

"With you _,_ " Elsa said, the corner of her mouth twitching, and Anna couldn't tell if it was going to be a taunting smile or an amused one but neither were really contributing to lessening Anna's embarrassment.

" _Love is an open door._ "

Anna sighed at the interlude. "We don't have to keep going."

Elsa laughed. "No, keep going. I'm enjoying this despite the cheesiness."

"You're enjoying yourself at my expense?" Anna wailed, lips jutting into a pout. "You have to take this seriously if you want to keep going."

And she couldn't help but feel unsettled as Elsa let loose a smirk. "Okay."

It seemed that Anna had just dug herself into a hole. Well, if she was going to be crushed under a waterfall of humiliation, might as well try to enjoy it. She pressed play on the remote.

" _I mean it's crazy,_ " Elsa half-sang, half-laughed.

Anna wanted to melt into the carpet. " _What?_ "

" _We finish each other's—_ "

"— _Sandwiches_." Anna finished, and Elsa was shaking uncontrollably. In retaliation, Anna unleashed a smack of her hand against Elsa's shoulder.

Snickering, Elsa crooned, " _That's what I was going to say!_ " And Anna could almost hear Elsa thinking,  _seriously, this guy is creepy_.

She looked into Elsa's eyes, and saw that Elsa really was enjoying this, maybe not entirely because of Anna's humiliation, either. " _I've never met someone…_ "

Humming together, they serenaded, " _Who thinks so much like me. Jinx! Jinx again!_

" _Our mental synchronization…can have but one explanation!_ "

" _You,_ " said Elsa.

" _And I—_ "

" _Were—_ "

" _Just—_ "

Both smiling, " _Meant to be._ " Anna briefly marvelled at how well Elsa harmonized with her, especially since she was just sight-reading.

Anna started the next verse with, " _Say goodbye…_ "

" _Say goodbye,_ " Elsa repeated, donning a genuine smile this time, and Anna almost let out a sigh of relief that the endless mocking was over.

She reached for Elsa's hand, and Elsa gave it. " _To the pain of the past. We don't have to feel it anymore…_ "

" _Love is an open door,_ " They belted, laughing now, " _Love is an open do-o-o-or._ "

Anna: " _Life can be so much more, with you—_ "

" _With you—"_

"— _With you—"_

"With you," Elsa whispered, sneaking forward to kiss Anna on the forehead.

Anna pulled Elsa down for a kiss, and they dropped the mics, mumbling, " _Love is an open door,_ " against each other's lips.

But it was short-lived, because Anna remembered what was coming next and cut the song. There was no way Elsa wouldn't laugh at her for that.

"Well done," she said, beaming at the blonde.

Elsa shed her jacket, revealing more of the blue waistcoat. She looked more serious than Anna anticipated. "I hope that's made something clear."

"What?"

Frowning at the ground, Elsa said steadily, "I can't be like those creepy fairytale princes that you love so much. This," she tugged on her tie, "Is just a cheap imitation. I'm not a man, or a prince, or a sword-wielding hero. I can't give you any of that. I don't have a castle to protect you from enemies, or an army to command. I'm not any of that."

Yes, yes, that was all true. And Anna did love those fairytales, but did Elsa know it was because she used to read them aloud? She wouldn't lie and say there wasn't a time where she was entranced by the notion of a Prince Charming, who would a slay a dragon and climb to the highest tower of a castle to get her, but in her opinion, her honest, brutally honest, opinion, what she had now couldn't even be compared to that.

"You're right," she said slowly, and then rushed to finish, "You aren't any of that. And being with you isn't like a fairytale. It's much better. You're  _way_  better." Who needed a castle, when she had Elsa's arms? Who needed an army, when she had Elsa's love? Not in a million years could she dream of a better other half than Elsa. And that was a gross understatement. "Now, if you're trying to get rid of me, you're going to be the one to tell me to get out, because I'm not going anywhere. I love you. I am in love with you, Elsa Arendelle, and I am not going anywhere."

"Are you sure?" Elsa asked, uncertainty lodged like a glacier between them.

"Never surer. Now, I was wondering, could we maybe go swimming, or ice-skating? I mean, we could swim right here, but—"

"No!" The rejection in Elsa's voice startled both of them. "No. You can't. No. Anything but those."

"Why not? You were so good at it—"

"I said  _no_ , Anna!"

Anna's brows furrowed in confusion at the vehement refusal that sounded almost…fearful. She looked into Elsa's eyes, and saw a flash of ice and snow that chilled her to the bone. A memory from six years ago. Water filling her lungs and freezing her blood. And Elsa, thirteen-year-old Elsa, eyes wide and fraught with horror, hanging onto her hand.

Anna blinked, and she was staring into Elsa's eyes. Nineteen-year-old Elsa's eyes, and she suddenly understood. Elsa was looking the same kind of horrified now. Heart constricting, Anna reached out to palm Elsa's cheek, mentally berating herself for not seeing it before. Her sudden epiphany had left her feeling just as fearful, but not for the same reasons.

"I get it now," she whispered, hands on both sides of Elsa's jaw, thumbs stroking her face. "Why you got so angry when you found out about Mrs. De Vil. Why you're suddenly so angry now. Why you try so hard to protect me, why you treat me like I'm made of glass.

"You still  _haven't forgiven yourself_ ," Anna murmured softly, as if speaking this revelation any louder would scare Elsa away. The moment the thought occurred to her, it clicked into place as truth. "You still blame yourself for everything that's happened to me. Everything that's hurt me. Those were accidents, Elsa. If they were anyone's fault, they're mine."

"I should have known better," Elsa replied shakily, as if she were reciting the lines of a poem. Wild blue eyes fearfully scanned the room, as if she didn't know where she was anymore. "I should have known better."

"This… has been like a curse on you, hasn't it? You've been carrying this blame around for six years? It's okay to let go, Elsa. They weren't your fault. You couldn't have known better. You couldn't have." She pulled her sister into a tight embrace, chastising herself for being  _stupid, stupid, stupid._ How could she not have seen this earlier? Elsa always blamed herself. What worthless part of Anna's brain had overlooked that?

"I—I can't."

"You can. I'll teach you to forget," Anna whispered in Elsa's ear, "I'll show you how to forgive yourself. Okay?"

Elsa nodded against her shoulder. "Sorry this got so depressing. It was supposed to make up for screwing up your prom. And your birthday."

"You didn't screw it up to begin with, but I'd say this more than makes up for it. I'd miss a hundred more birthdays and a thousand more proms if I get to do this with you again." She took both of Elsa's hands and pulled her to the deck again. "Dance with me, handsome Prince."

"'Handsome'?"

Anna reddened. "Well, I was going to say 'hot', but it might not be the most suitable—"  _not word, it is most definitely the right word,_  "—language, for right now."

Elsa reddened, too. "I can't dance."

Impossible! "You took ballet!"

A shuffle of fabric as Elsa shrugged. "That was just for balance."

But Elsa's expression did not look unwilling, and Anna knew that she only needed a little push. " _Please_?"

Just as she predicted, Elsa caved again. "Fine. So isn't it the Prince's job to ask for the dance?"

Oh god, Anna wondered how embarrassing it would be if she fainted, because the mere thought of Prince Elsa asking her for a dance was just…overwhelming. She held her breath as Elsa bowed and offered her a hand, palm facing upward.

"May I have this dance, fair Princess?"

Anna forgot how to speak. How to breathe.

Elsa's expression changed from courteous to concerned as quick as a flash of lightning. "Anna?"

"I can—I can't breathe."

"Do you need CPR?"

No, that would probably just kill her entirely.

"You look tired. Do you want to rest instead?"

 _Are you kidding_? She wouldn't miss this for the world. "I'm probably going to step on your feet. You'll have to keep me from falling over."

"Of course you chose the high heels. Why did I even get them? They're a hazard to you."

Anna hammered a fist onto Elsa's shoulder. "This teasing has got to stop."

"It's too hard to resist," protested Elsa, gesturing to someone behind Anna. "You sure you're not too tired?"

Anna tilted her head back to look at the stars, bright and sparkly, like the night's personal diamond necklace, and thought that never in a million years would she have been able to anticipate such a night. Despite her extremely active imagination, Elsa always managed to surprise her. "Absolutely."

As a violin began to sing the first strains of Pachelbel's Canon in D, Anna settled on hand on Elsa's shoulder, the other in Elsa's hand, and leaned her head against Elsa's chest to listen to the heartbeat that was more calming and comforting than any word, song, or gift could ever be.

"Hey," Anna whispered. "I love you, you know that?"

"Mm," Elsa mumbled into her hair.

"Do you have three words to say to me?" Anna prompted. She was happy with their current situation, but there was something that could make her even happier.

"Are you hungry?" Elsa asked, sounding sincerely confused.

Lady Dense of the SS Oblivious. How befitting, Anna thought sardonically. But she was content enough at that moment that it didn't bother her too much.

* * *

 

Just kidding, it bothered her a lot. That night, Elsa ushered her to the master stateroom and left her alone to sleep (which was really disappointing, but she was too tired to argue). And she just lay there, wondering why the hell Elsa hadn't said it to her since they'd gotten together. Like, Anna knew how Elsa felt, but she still really, really, wanted to hear it. Was that strange?

"I don't get it! She used to say it to me all the time! Okay well, not all the time, but she wasn't so tight-lipped about it!" Anna was grumbling to Ariel over the phone.

Ariel did not sound impressed, most likely because she was about to go to sleep (it was one in the morning). "God, Anna, you should know by now that Elsa values actions over words. How do you still have doubts?"

"She's never once told me she was in love with me, and she didn't say it back when I said it to her! Am I wrong to want to hear it?"

Ariel made an irritated noise. "Anna, would you rather Elsa be like those mushy gushy lovers that you see on TV who love you one second and leave you the next, or do you want her the way she is now? ' _I love you, honeybuns, I love you so so so much!'_ Is that what you want?"

Her skin crawled at the prospect of Elsa sounding so corny, and realized that that was not at all what she wanted. "That's not it; I don't need her to say it at every opportunity. Just more than she is now."

"You are never satisfied, are you? How could you want more confirmation that Elsa loves you?"

"I don't want confirmation that she loves me," Anna protested, "I want confirmation that she's  _in_  love with me."

"'Kay, just be patient and she'll say it eventually. Sorry, I forgot you're an impatient brat. And I say that with all the love in the world. If it really bothers you, just ask her. I'm going to sleep now. Bye."

Anna opened her mouth to object, but Ariel had already hung up, gone like the extinguished flame of a candle, leaving only smoke in its wake.

She gasped and shot up in bed; the first tendrils of sunlight had begun to seep through the curtains. She still had to babysit Ivy and Cecil today! Argh, she pulled herself out of bed, and went to inform Elsa of her sudden recollection. Really, she hadn't gotten any sleep at all, even though she was completely worn out. And her stomach was rumbling like a firebreathing dragon, but that was beside the point.

Rubbing her eyes, Anna knocked on the door of the room next to hers. "Elsa? Elsa, we need to go back to shore." She cracked open the door, and the un-curtained window freely letting in golden rays of sun told her that Elsa may be already up.

After checking the theatre, the gym (why would Elsa need to be in the gym?), the spa, which all turned up Elsa-less, Anna padded to the kitchen, deciding to sate her stomach first. Grabbed some water and fruits, devoured them quickly. Then raided the cupboards to see if there were chocolates that she could steal.

"What, up so early? I realize I should have fed you a midnight snack last night."

A voice, soft as velvet, made her jump. "Elsa! I've looked everywhere for you!"

"I was in the study, catching up on some work."

This boat had a  _study_? Of course. Of course it did. Anna looked at her, and was relieved that she was not still dressed in that mind-blowing tux. Still, that did not make her any less stunning. Elsa was absolutely radiant under the morning sun, her hair free of its plait, cascading down her back like spun gold. Anna suddenly forgot why she had been looking for Elsa.

"If you're worried about your babysitting thing, I convinced Mrs. De Vil to give you a day off."

Oh, was Elsa a psychic now?

"Are you okay? Your eyes are a little bloodshot."

"I couldn't sleep last night," Anna admitted.

Elsa approached, "Why?"

Really, really, really, she should be satisfied with what she had and that they were back on speaking terms after such a long argument, but Anna was never one to keep her silence. "Why won't you say you love me?"

To her surprise, Elsa looked relieved. "Were you worried about  _that_?"

"Yes!" Why wasn't this a big deal to Elsa? She was smiling as if Anna had been brooding over a trivial matter. "You haven't said it to me since—since the week of Ariel's accident."

Elsa kissed the side of her forehead. "Is that a problem?"

"Yes!" Anna exclaimed indignantly. "You never say it to me anymore!"

"So you would like me to confess my undying love for you on a daily basis?" Elsa whispered, lips curling into an enigmatic smirk against their spot on Anna's temple. Anna inhaled sharply, and she could  _feel_  Elsa radiating amusement. "Should I fill your lecture halls with roses, too?"

"That's not what I meant! I mean…it's just—I want—it's just nice to hear it—more often than the once in a blue moon that you say it to me, okay?" Anna hid her face against Elsa's neck, heat creeping up to her cheeks. Why had she brought this up? She was always digging herself in these holes.

"Hmmm… and my actions don't tell you this enough?" Anna could feel Elsa's smile widening, as she planted another kiss on Anna's forehead. "You are so adorable." She chuckled at Anna's following huff of indignation and hummed quietly.

"You're trying to change the subject!" Anna protested, despite the warmth in her cheeks. "Tell me, Elsa, is it that hard to say that you love me? Are you still bothered by the fact that we're sisters?"

"You have taught me that  _love is an open door_ , Anna," Elsa replied, voice dripping with delight at her control over this conversation, and Anna hated it.

"This is not the time for stupid jokes! I'm being serious!" Anna pouted at her, "I can't believe you of all people are making a joke at a time like this!"

She could see Elsa trying to hold back her exuberance, but was unprepared for further verbal prodding. "Okay, how about…'I adore you'? 'My affection for you is unrivalled'? 'I am very fond of you'?"

Anna impatiently butted her head against Elsa's shoulder, eliciting a small gasp of surprise from the older girl. "They're not the same! And don't say it like a question! You make it sound so… ugh… professional and impersonal. You're not taking this seriously, Elsa," she complained, impatience and sleep deprivation getting the better of her.

For some reason, Elsa did not seem at all bothered by Anna's outburst; rather, she was just watching in bemused silence. " _Volim te_ ,  _draga_ ," Elsa then murmured, tone hushed, but Anna could still feel her still smiling.

Anna knew her sister could speak a myriad of different languages, but Elsa had never used them in a showy display of condescending snobbishness before, especially because Elsa knew that Anna didn't understand anything besides English and some French. "What does that mean? Are you making fun of me? You're making fun of me, aren't you?"

" _Miluji tê, miláčku_."

Anna could tell this was probably a different language from before, and she pulled back to narrow her eyes crossly at her amused sister. Elsa's eyes were glowing with a warm azure, and Anna got the creeping sensation that she was missing some kind of joke. **"** Elsa, I know you know a lot of different languages, but you don't need to use them to bully me."

" _Jeg elsker dig_ ,  _min kære,_ " her sister whispered delicately, smiling spreading even wider.

As much as Anna loved to see Elsa smile, she was becoming frustrated with her lack of understanding at Elsa's escalating glee. She puffed out her cheeks, "Now I  _know_  you're making fun of me!" She felt thoroughly mocked.

Elsa's only response was, " _Ik hou van je_ ,  _schat,_ " And she brought a hand up to tuck a lock of Anna's hair out of her eyes, fingers lingering on the redhead's cheek, still swelling with indignation.

"Elsa," Anna whined, turning pinker at the contact, "I'm going to abandon ship if you don't stop bullying me with your mastery of European languages."

" _Ich liebe dich, schatz._ "

Again, a different language, the rough intonation indicating that it was German? Still, Anna was not any closer to deciphering what Elsa was teasing her about. She knitted her eyebrows together in frustration and loosened her hold around Elsa's waist to restlessly poke at the blonde's sides. "I mean it; stop making fun of me!"

Elsa twitched at the sudden contact, but her smile remained ever wide (and infuriatingly smug, Anna might add) as she said, " _Jeg elsker deg,_ " with deliberate intonation.

This sounded very similar to the words Elsa had spoken only a few moments ago, and Anna brought her fingers to tickle Elsa's sides. "You said that already!"

Elsa giggled, but kept her hold around her sister's shoulders and leaned forward playfully to press a kiss to the huffing girl's forehead, " _Te iubesc_ ,  _dragă._ "

"I have absolutely no idea what you are saying, Elsa, so you better stop it."

Oh, the irony. Elsa tugged slightly on Anna's shoulders, pulling her closer, and gave her a quick peck on the nose, " _Szeretlek, kedvesem._ "

Anna, getting more frustrated and confused by the blonde's kisses and amused murmurs, retorted, "I'm going to eat all the chocolate on this boat if you don't switch to English this instant, you bully!"

Elsa laughed again, " _Te quiero_ ,  _mi_   _amada_ ," and tenderly kissed both of Anna's flaming cheeks.

Anna was almost a tomato now, face getting redder with every kiss that Elsa gave her, and every phrase she didn't understand."Look, Elsa, if you don't feel comfortable saying you love me, then just tell m—"

The smirking blonde interrupted her this time with two fingers on Anna's lips, " _Te amo_."

"Is there a joke I'm missing here? Because—"

" _Ti amo mia cara_."

"Okay, you just said the same thing again! I don't know what you're trying to tell me, Elsa, but—"

Elsa interrupted her with a light kiss on the mouth this time, but Anna could still feel her smile. " _Je t'aime_ ,  _ma chérie,_  " Elsa mumbled gently when she pulled back, one eyebrow lifted in expectation, still smiling.

Anna's face lit up, "I got that one! That was French, and you said—" Wait. Wait. Waitwaitwaitwait. Did Elsa just _—_? Anna gasped as realization set in, and tears began to gather in her eyes, "you said—"

"I'm in love with you," Elsa whispered, leaning forward so that their foreheads met, hands cupping either side of Anna's cheeks, thumbs brushing away the hot tears rolling forth. "And I only had to say it twelve times before you finally understood," she teased, with mock exasperation. "And you're wondering why I don't say it more often."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... the languages. I tried. 
> 
> Please let me know if I got any of them wrong.


	39. Trust Exercise

Neither of them said anything for a while, with Anna burying her face in Elsa's shirt as more tears rolled forth, and Elsa just stood there, processing.

She had never imagined such a reaction; after all, she was only hiding behind different languages. When searching for a way to make those words fully represent the magnitude of her feelings, she had chastised herself after settling upon this method. In the end, it was just saying the same thing over and over; why did a medium of different languages make it more special?

But Ariel had insisted Elsa follow through with it after she had confided in her, and Elsa, giving free rein to Ariel's better developed social sense, had agreed, albeit skeptically.

At least now, she knew she had made the right decision. That only left her to wonder if she could have done it better.

Elsa poked at the mess of red hair latched onto her front. "Should I have said 'I love you' instead? I got this angry call from Ariel early this morning about how I need to be more direct with my feelings. She was blaming me for disturbing her sleep; can you believe that? So I just wanted to clear up any ambiguity associated with 'I love you'."

"Oh? Ahaha," Anna blubbered.

Her face was still hiding in the crumpled fabric of Elsa's shirt, and Elsa could feel some sort of wetness seeping through. "Wait, are you crying?" Was this normal?

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that," Anna murmured thickly, vibrations shivering through Elsa's chest, sending her heart into a fit of pleasant flutters.

So she had done something right. For once. Well, good. "Oh, okay. But why are you crying?" Not crying, but almost sobbing, actually.

There was a sound, like a cross between a scoff and a chuckle, but it was subsequently muffled by sniffling. "I'm happy, you idiot."

"Oh, okay," Elsa said again, not any less bewildered. Happiness was never associated with tears in her world. In fact, happiness was the furthest thing there was from tears. Elsa (idiot that she was) had assumed Anna had been frustrated to tears when she had first started crying. She grabbed a tissue from the kitchen counter and began to lightly dab at any moisture that was not being hidden by her shirt. "But I don't—okay. Could you look at me, please, Anna?"

Anna did, lashes wet and fluttering, cheeks damp and red.

Elsa stiffened, and could not help but think of all the times she had made Anna cry.

There was the first time, when Anna was only four. The first time Elsa had witnessed magic.

" _Elsaaah!"_

_She turned, just in time to see her red-haired sister barrelling toward her with the alacrity of a bunny, and none of the finesse. "What?"_

" _You're hurt!" And Anna bent down to where Elsa had scraped her leg over the stray branches of a thorn bush, eyes already brimming with tears. Her lips puckered out to blow on the reddening cut, and Elsa just watched in perplex silence. "Does it hurt?" Anna had asked, rubbing one of her eyes. "It hurts, doesn't it?"_

_Elsa leaned over to pull her sister back up, smiled, and said, "It doesn't hurt. I'm fine."_

_Then Anna looked her straight in the eye. That was when Elsa decided that tears did not belong on Anna's face, and never would. "That's not true."_

_She was taken aback, more by the confidence behind the statement than the truth of it, and even more because Anna was_ only four years old _. Elsa was going to have to lie better. "It did hurt before, but now it's all better. You made it better. I promise." Strangely, it had been true. It had always been true. Magic._

And then, when Anna was five.

" _Hey, sis! Daddy says that you don't want to play with me, but I know that's not true. I know you want to play! Come on! We can ride our bikes and steal chocolate and climb trees! It'll be fun!"_

_Elsa had been huddled against the foot of her bed, knowing that the worst had only just begun, feeling the anguish cut at her heart._

" _Elsa, did I do something wrong?"_

And after their father's funeral.

" _Elsa? Please, can you let me in?" Her voice was shaking; Elsa remembered that very well. As if the vibrations themselves had been knives aimed at an invisible wound that would not heal. "You're my best friend. I-I don't know who else to talk to."_

_That was when Elsa understood that only one person could alleviate the feeling of loneliness that plagued them both. And that no matter how many people had been at the funeral service, offering their condolences, it wouldn't have made a difference. Because who they needed...was each other._

"What are you thinking about?"

Elsa flinched, as if she had just been prodding at a burn, and the insidious pain finally caught up with her. "Nothing." It was useless to think about all of that now.

Anna smeared a wet fist across her eyes, the action doing more to spread moisture than to wipe it away.

But Elsa took the opportunity; she ran the tissue over glistening tear tracks, fingers and thumb tracing the contours of her beloved sister's face as she committed every detail to memory, every freckle, every lovely curve, every inch of skin. This had always been her way of apologizing. "I was just wondering what it was about me that compelled you to hold me in such high esteem. Despite all the times I've let you down."

Arms encircled Elsa's waist and Anna pulled them closer together. "You really want to know? It's because you've never  _let_  me down, big sis. I don't know why you see yourself as a disappointment to me, when you've never, ever, failed me."

"But I—"

It was Anna's turn to shush her with two fingers to the lips. Teal eyes narrowed with conviction. "You were always there for me when I needed you."

"I don't know why you keep on insisting that I did, Anna, but I—"

"There was once, I was awake after a particularly bad nightmare."

Elsa froze, like a shameful secret had just been exposed. Which was completely opposite of the truth, since this had long been revealed.

"At first, I thought that that was a dream too, but the way it felt…and then you told me you did that for me…" A pause, then Anna looked at Elsa again, and Elsa felt like she was gazing into a pair of sapphires, as clear as the summer sky, as certain as ocean tides. "I realized that even though you pushed me away, you never really left me."

And Elsa could not come up with a single thing to say from any of her twelve languages. It was fortunate, actually, because she did not have to; as soon as Elsa opened her mouth to try, Anna's lips were on hers, soft but demanding at the same time, like Elsa had just shown her a reservoir of limitless chocolate and Anna would not even wait for an invitation to taste.

Though Elsa did not mind the impatience. She complied, with barely concealed eagerness, letting her fingers twist in the waterfall of star fire that was Anna's hair. Still, even now, she kept forgetting that this was permitted, at least when they were alone. That she did not have to keep hiding her overflowing affection for her sister. This inappropriate attraction, so strong that it threatened to remove all of her inhibitions with only a taste of its potency. Because by some miracle, Anna reciprocated these feelings.

So close. Elsa was so close to pushing her sister onto the kitchen counter, or maybe against the wall, or instigate an accident that would result in the two of them tumbling to the floor, to show Anna exactly how much love she had been trying to mirror with those twelve languages.

But she didn't, out of habit more than anything else. She was more than happy to let Anna take control and trap her against the kitchen counter for even closer contact. Elsa decided that she would never be able to get used to the feel of Anna's warmth, never be able to defend against the cloud of hunger to touch, to taste that almost overwhelmed all of her mental functions every time their bodies connected.

And Anna was relentless, hips pressing into Elsa's, forbidding any sort of escape (as if Elsa wanted to anyway). Hands tracing the length of Elsa's neck and chest, with trails of molten magma following their path, while lips strived to dominate the elder's into submission.

Meanwhile, Elsa was in heaven, blissfully relishing the feeling of Anna everywhere. Or maybe she was in hell, because it was so damn  _hot_. Anna's breath hot against her mouth. Anna's midsection radiating heat through the material of their clothing, and Elsa suddenly wanted those barriers off. Away with. Really, it mattered not where Elsa was, as long as Anna was there with her.

Normally, Elsa would have pulled away before things became too out of control, but she was still being pinned to the counter and her palms were still glued to the small of her sister's back, smooth and heated. She let Anna's mouth explore the width of her neck, let her cheek rest against Anna's temple as she struggled to catch her breath. Her heart was ready to burst, like the sun, full of light and warmth.

"I love you," she whispered, shuddering when a balmy tongue found its way along the tendon to her collarbone. " _An_ na," she managed to gasp, pulse racing even faster.

"Elsa," Anna hummed, lips tracing the curve of Elsa's jaw before burning a course back to their spot back on Elsa's mouth. For once, she did not have to say it, because Elsa could hear it anyway:  _I love you._

Elsa groaned, mind almost boiling over with need at the fervor in the pit of her stomach.

The hands at her shoulders drifted downward, travelling the length of her arm, until they reached her ribcage, then her waist. Settled around the expanse of exposed skin at her hips, under her shirt.

A sensation, as chilling as ice, flooded Elsa's veins. This was not fair. Not fair to Anna, who didn't know what she was getting. "W-wait, Anna." Elsa could barely get the words out, her focus completely and utterly arrested by the awareness that Anna's fingers were now drifting up her ribcage with deliberate care that was remarkably unconventional for Anna.

"I  _want_  you," Anna growled back, nipping at Elsa's lower lip, and it was the most provocative thing Elsa had ever heard. "So much. You have no idea."

Elsa did have an idea, because she was feeling the exact same, melting into putty under Anna's inflaming touch. She raked together the last of her willpower, put one hand on the younger's shoulder to buy herself some distance, so that she could form coherent sentences. One look at her sister, teal irises gleaming with need, almost wrenched her control back into the abyss. "W-we can't," she stammered between breaths, hastily adding, "not yet," by way of explanation at the following bout of dejection that she received.

"Why not?"

She struggled to find the right words. "It's compl—I just can't—I…" In the end, she settled for, "We just can't…yet."

That earned her a forlorn glance. "Am I not attractive enough for you, Elsa?"

Elsa did not have to look at Anna to know that the question was directed toward the ground. But. No. What. What. Why. What. The notion was so absurd that Elsa could not even find words to refute it.

_Communication, Elsa._

So she leaned forward until their foreheads met, hands spanning the width of her sister's nape. "I just said I was in love with you, and the first conclusion you jump to is that I don't find you attractive? That's nonsense, even for you." She kissed the tip of Anna's nose, red from frustration, and then from crying. "The degree to which I find you attractive is actually devastating to my mental wellbeing, to be frank." The same admission at any other time would likely have embarrassed her, but the situation necessitated its truth.

A characteristic glint of mischief reappeared in Anna's eyes after a blink of comprehension. "Wait, what? 'Devastating to your mental wellbeing'?"

Elsa's face was suddenly burning. Why had she said that? Argh. She moved to hide herself away, perhaps behind the kitchen counter or inside the refrigerator, when she discovered that Anna's hands had reassumed their positions on either side of her waist, trapping her in her figurative hole. Instead, she averted her eyes.

"Elsa," Anna's voice was as sweet as candied apples, dangled in front of Elsa like irresistible bait. "Say that again."

Elsa wanted to squirm. It was almost jarring how the tables had flipped so rapidly. "I-I like you, okay? It's expected that—that I also like…like…" Her mouth went as defective as her brain when she considered what to put after that.

" _All_  of me?" Anna prompted, as emboldened as a knight regaining their sword. Or a dragon reclaiming its gold, Elsa corrected, from the way Anna was looking at her, eyes mischievous and covetous at the same time.

But it was true. "Yes," she answered, just barely managing.

"I knew it!" Anna exclaimed, jabbing forth an index finger at Elsa's nose. "You were after my family fortune all along."

And then Elsa grinned, because even though she could see how much she wanted this reflected in her sister's eyes, she knew that Anna, despite being impulsive and rambunctious, would not overstep boundaries. Boundaries between them were always temporary anyway. "You forget who the heir is. Are you sure you're not after  _my_  position?"

"Goshdarnit, you've discovered my plan!" Anna proclaimed with brazen poise. "Ever since I was a fetus I plotted to usurp your position as heir by making you fall in love with me."

"You sneaky thing," Elsa retorted, faking a gasp and swatting away Anna's accusatory finger. "And how, traitor, are you going to arrange wresting my power from me, exactly?"

"Well,  _obviously_ , after you fall in love with me you're going to marry me," Anna said matter-of-factly, and performed her best imitation of a cackle. Which ended up sounding like a cross between a squawk and a grunt.

Elsa scoffed. "Dear sister, if you're waiting till we get married to follow through with this plan of yours, you're going to be waiting a long time. We've had a grand whopping total of two dates."

Anna's smile was almost too big for her face. "That's okay; I'm playing the long game."

Elsa endowed her with a flick to the forehead. "What makes you so sure I'm going to agree to marrying you? I'm still contemplating whether I want to be stuck with you forever."

Anna tried to glare at her indignantly, but ended up going cross-eyed instead, and Elsa had to stifle a laugh. "You kind of already are, big  _sis_."

A contented sigh. "All the more reason for careful consideration. Who'd want to be roped to  _you_  for life, baby sis?"

Anna paused, blinking. "That doesn't bother you anymore?"

"What?"

"That we're… related?"

Elsa fell into a thoughtful silence. The real question was: had she  _ever_? Well, in a sense, she had. But the problem stemmed from her rational mind hounding her about the sheer wrongness of it. The thing was this: logically, it was wrong. Objectively, impartially, stringently, this was wrong. And the strangest part was that it never felt more right. She could not refute the fact that her hand was made to fit Anna's any more than she could deny that the sun would rise the next morning. That her soul did not exist for anyone else but for her sister.

For Elsa, there had always been one intrinsic law that governed above all others. One that transcended right and wrong. One that dangerously eclipsed morals and ethics.

And as long as that law was fulfilled, nothing else mattered.

"No," she said finally, and her resolve turned into a diamond wall, closing off all doubt. "This is not… wrong. It's just different. We're just different."

"Is that bad?"

"No," Elsa asserted again, with a soft smile. "I wouldn't trade you for anyone else."

"Even if I'm plotting to take over your throne, President?"

At that, she tapped her chin with a forefinger and pretended to fall into deep thought. "Well, that, along with your chocolate-hoarding tendencies, I may have to reconsider. Don't think I'm going to forget how you swallowed the entire box of truffles. And then stole half of the last one from me."

Anna gave a sheepish grin. "I couldn't help it. You're too fun to kiss. I'll take any excuse I can get."

 _You don't need an excuse,_  was what Elsa was thinking, but instead, she quipped, "So what's the excuse for the latest one?"

In a flash, red spilled onto Anna's cheeks, and she ducked her head. And muttered something unintelligible.

"Anna, it's not like you to be embarrassed," Elsa teased gently, brushing back the wild locks of sunburned silk that draped forth. "You certainly weren't when you maimed the soil economy of the tulip community in the garden."

An indignant copper head swung up immediately. "I was only nine! And how did you know about that?"

"Who  _didn't_ know about that? The gardeners were ready to go on strike. I also recall the time you tore a chunk of canvas off one of the paintings and tried to fill in the hole you made with crayon."

"Hey, paintings are my friends! I did not do that on purpose!"

Elsa ducked what would have been a whack to the head, albeit a playful one. "Yes, I know that too, because you were predisposed to talking to them. Did  _you_  know that some of the maids were seriously worried about your sanity?"

"And whose fault is it that I was going mad with the silence, hm?" Anna bit back.

Elsa mentally slapped herself. She just  _had_  to go there, hadn't she? Digging herself into holes like a professional. "Yes, I know full well it's because I shut my door on you that you had to turn to Joan of Ark for small talk. My fault."

"Not all your fault, though. I could've just as well kicked down the door in a fit of rage and then you would have been left with no defenses whatsoever." With that, Anna drew back and crossed her arms, but she could not hide her smile.

This time, Elsa said what came to mind. "I have no defenses against you, ever. It puts me at a huge disadvantage. One that I probably shouldn't be telling you."

"What would I do with that knowledge, exploit it?" Anna asked, wrapping her arms back around Elsa's neck.

"No, of course not," Elsa said, feigning skepticism. "You wouldn't."

Anna leaned in for a kiss. "How do you plan to make it up to me, then?"

 _With the rest of my life_. "Jet skis?" Elsa replied. There was something bothering her, like a thorn stuck at the back of her mind, like she should not have bothered with the things, but didn't Anna have a penchant for crazy things like this? She had taken all the precautions. Life jackets, life guard—there was even a professional on board who could ride alongside. So why did she feel like she was making a mistake?

The gnawing grew stronger when Anna did not react how Elsa expected. "Oh…that's—that sounds fun, Elsa. But I…"

It hit her with the force of a bullet train. Water. How could Elsa have been so stupid? All this time she had been dealing with her own fears, her own problems, that she had forgotten Anna has them too. After the frozen pond incident, Anna had avoided swimming pools. At first, even coaxing her into a bath has been a battle in itself. Not that Elsa had been around to help—another regret.

"Anna, I'm so sorry. It completely—that's not an excuse. Please, forget I even suggested it. What do you want to do? Maybe you can think of something that isn't utterly insensitive."

Surprising Elsa once again, Anna laughed. "Yeah, like you're the insensitive one. I'm fine, Elsa, really. I was just surprised."

"Really? You were screaming and kicking when Gerda suggested you take a bath. Like you were five again."

"Shush, insensitive fool," Anna chided. "Although there is some _thing_  I would like to do."

"Uh-oh. I know that look."

"So I bought a yacht and was all ready to sail the high seas with you, but you bloody scoundrel, you, you want to go back on  _land_?"

"Look, you mangy scallywag, there's something you have to do with me! And unfortunately, it has to be on land."

"At least it's not going to be around the halls," Elsa muttered with petty ease.

Anna grinned, like she was a laser and nothing could happen that would dampen her mood. "Annnnd, if you didn't want to, you wouldn't have ordered Captain what's-his-name to dock over at Stanley Park." Then she stopped when her brain was through processing Elsa's latest rejoinder. "Wait, you know what I have in mind?"

If Anna hadn't known better, she would have pegged Elsa's expression as a smirk. "You forget that you've had numerous conversations with yourself outside my door."

"I'd really rather have them to your face. You better not send me back there."

"You're not going back," Elsa replied in a voice as solid as concrete.

"So, what  _is_  on my mind?" There was no way Elsa could know, Anna decided.

"You want to go biking."

It wasn't a question. It wasn't even a damn question! Was Anna really so predictable? To Elsa's credit, they had been living together for the past…one, two…almost two decades, but still! Anna prided herself on being spontaneous and unpredictable—the one and only thing that she was better than Elsa at.

"Wrong," Anna grumbled back, feeling a mix of fulfilled and annoyed that Elsa had gotten it right so easily. Soon, very soon, said a voice in her head, Elsa was going to get bored of her antics and leave her. "No, you got it right."

"Anna," Elsa said slowly. "Is it your time of the month?"

Blush exploded on Anna's cheeks, and she didn't even know why. Reddening to the tips of her ears, she almost shouted, "No! Why would you think that?"

"You're particularly…" Elsa paused, as if she were testing each word on her tongue for how it tasted in the sentence. "Excitable."

Was it her fault that Elsa excited her, all day, everyday? Elsa probably excited everyone she walks by, everyday. Hell, the air got excited whenever Elsa moved. "Look, sister, it's not my fault that you're so—"  _Hot._ "—Attractive. Sometimes I wonder how I could have possibly been so lucky to have you. As my best friend. Sister."

"Lucky," repeated the older sister, face scrunching up like she had just licked a lemon. "What are you talking about? I'm the lucky one. It's not every day that your sister's first word is your name, you know." Then she blinked. "You think I'm attractive?"

Here she goes, digging all the holes. Anna could barely sputter the words out. "W-w-well you-you know, you're a fairly good-looking child—lady—person!"

Elsa smiled at her, and the world melted away. "Well, you're 'fairly attractive' yourself."

Well, it seemed punctured communication ran in the family. "No, no. You don't get it. You're so…amazing and perfect and smart. And I'm just…me."

Elsa's thumb brushed the crevice between Anna's lips, slowly mirroring the movement of windshield wipers clearing rain and snow and sleet. "I think you've done more than enough to prove otherwise. Anna, you're unique—"

"Yeah, yeah, that's what everyone says when there's nothing special about th—" Her protest was cut mid-sentence by Elsa's forefinger and thumb pinching her mouth closed.

Her sister leaned closer, eyes emitting blue fire, "You're  _priceless_ , Anna. And I'll have anyone who says otherwise drawn and quartered. Come with me."

For once, Anna was being led by the hand down the corridors, staring blankly in bewilderment over Elsa's shoulders to collect an inkling of where they were going. They arrived at what Anna could only describe as a study, just as refined and exorbitant as the rest of the boat.

Elsa's hand was still holding tightly onto hers (which Anna had zero qualms about) as she flipped open her laptop and tapped at the track pad. She pointed a finger at the screen. "Do you see this?"

Anna's brain registered the number, and she nodded.

"That's how much Arendelle Corp is currently worth," Elsa said, almost angrily, and she slammed the laptop shut. "And I would not even blink if I had to trade it all for a fraction of you." She held up Anna's hand, thumb lightly tracing the shape of Anna's knuckles. "And this is worth more than the rest of the world combined.

"I've been a fool, Anna. There was so much that I couldn't see. I was so caught up trying to protect you that I didn't see how unhappy I was making you. I was so buried in my own pain that I forgot you were hurting too. And I was so absorbed in being who Mother and Father wanted me to be that I didn't even consider how that would have affected you.

"I may act like an idiot sometimes, but even I can see now how pressured you must feel to be like me. How…insignificant you must have felt when Mother and Father focused all their resources on me."

"Weird," Anna whispered, threading her fingers between Elsa's.

"What is?"

"When I sought out Cruella De Vil and Shan Yu, I wanted to stand out. I thought I wanted  _somebody_  to know me as Anna Arendelle, not President Arendelle's sister, or Josef Arendelle's daughter. I thought that would satisfy this gaping hole inside me, the one that was for praise, for recognition."

She looked Elsa straight in the eye. "But it didn't. Because you had already filled it. Because when you look at me, I know that you see  _me_. Just me, not connected to anyone else." Anna let loose all of her jubilation in a wide smile and yanked Elsa into a bear hug. "And you're all the recognition I need."

"Can't… breathe…" Elsa wheezed into her ear.

"Good, you know how I feel around you all the time."

Elsa raised an eyebrow when Anna released her, but (thankfully) she didn't have to the time to press that statement because Mr. Captain what's-his-name informed them over the ship's PA system that they had almost finished docking.

* * *

 

"Why did I pick biking," grumbled Anna, and Elsa watched in silent amusement as Anna tried on a selection of different coloured headgears. "I forgot helmets are the most unflattering things ever. Are you sure I  _have_  to wear one?"

"You can't afford to lose any more brain cells as it is," Elsa deadpanned. "Of course you have to wear one."

Anna awarded her with a punch to the arm. "Stinker."

"Brat," she retorted. And then grinned.

The sound of bicycle wheels clicking caught Elsa's attention. She turned, cast a look at the bike. Then did a double take. "Wait, I'm confused. A tandem bike?" It was one thing to just ride leisurely by herself and let Anna run free, but if they were sharing a bike, she would no doubt be a liability to her sportier sister.

"I'm not irresponsible, Elsa," Anna stated with a smirk, stroking the shiny black handlebars of the vehicle. "If I let you ride by yourself, who knows what kind of havoc you'll wreak?"

"Oh, I'm the troublemaker, am I? Who rode happily into a suit of armour left by one of our knighted ancestors? Who knocked over Mother's mosaic vase and blamed it on the wind?"

Anna whacked Elsa with her white and gold helmet and then stuck out her tongue defiantly. "You've already established yourself as immensely knowledgeable of my childhood antics; you're not allowed to demonstrate any more because that's just showing off! Now come on, let's ride!"

Elsa sighed, and decided that if she did prove to be a burden she could always just switch the bike for singles. She pulled her own helmet on and fastened it in place, about to mount the thing when she caught Anna staring. She paused, and looked down at herself. "Is something wrong?"

Anna mouthed something that looked like 'no food', and Elsa cocked her head to the side.

"Not fair," Anna said, louder this time. "You can still look like a Greek goddess in a freaking helmet."

"Wait, what?" And then their conversation from earlier drifted back to the forefront of Elsa's mind. Right. Anna thought she was attractive. "Oh." She felt a smile spreading. "Which one am I?"

"Aphrodite," Anna replied swiftly, as if she had pondered this question many times before that she could reach the answer in seconds. "But better."

Elsa crossed her arms. "Really? So basically you think I'm going to be a female philanderer?" Then she reached out to tighten the straps on Anna's helmet. "You would be Ares. Impulsive and belligerent."

"Oh, good. Ares had an affair with Aphrodite," Anna retorted.

"I'm not even going to give you the satisfaction of a response."

Anna elbowed her in the side. "Hey, you're the one who named me Ares, God of War."

"And violent."

Elsa was one-third wrong. Anna was more like Ares, Athena, and Artemis all rolled into one. Five minutes after mounting the bike, Elsa's lungs were burning and her legs were burning and there was no location on her body that was without pain or some sort of soreness. The mid-afternoon sun searing her shirt to her back, she huffed, "Anna—"  _gasp_  "—wait—"  _gasp_  "—stop."

There was a creak as the bike reeled to a halt. Anna, in front (because _'I would be too busy staring otherwise'_ ), sat back in her seat and twisted to face Elsa. "Too fast? Ariel told me you like to go fast."

 _What in god's name has Ariel been telling her?_ Elsa would have blushed, but her face was already hot from exertion. She took a moment to collect enough air, and noticed that Anna was still breathing normally. "I'm ill-equipped for this," she said. "I can't even remember the last time I did anything that was remotely considered exercise."

"You ran to the restaurant," Anna reminded her.

Elsa felt like a boiling frog. "And almost died on the way. Look, Anna, how about we go grab two bikes instead of a tandem? Then you could ride as fast as you want and I'll just follow at my own pace."

Anna made a face. "No," she replied, tone dismissing. "That defeats the point of 'together'."

"You haven't even broken a sweat. I don't want to hold you back."

Elsa received an expression that she did not see often. Anna wore a look of smugness like it was a brand new diamond ring. "Who, moi? You, mortal, will not be able to hold back the God of War. How arrogant of you to suggest so."

"Anna, be serious—"

"I  _am_  serious. You think I'm just going to ride off into the sunset by myself? Not a chance, sister."

Before Elsa had a chance to reply, Anna added, "Although it is  _tragic_  how out of shape you are. We're going to have to fix that."

"Are you sure—"

Anna reached out and squished Elsa's lips shut, just like how Elsa had done to her earlier. "Shush. You don't even have to pedal. Just stay with me."

That struck a chord inside Elsa, and she noticed herself nodding. "Okay."

"Okay," Anna echoed, turning back, kicking her feet off the ground. "Hang onto your handlebars and rest your feet on the pedals. I'll do the rest."

Elsa was close enough to her sister's back that she could measure the rhythm of Anna's breaths against the thundering beat of her own heart against her ribcage. She would have much preferred putting her arms around Anna's waist (which was dangerously close to her front) instead of the rubber grip of the metal bars.

Ocean, grass and asphalt whizzed across her half-closed eyes, and she leaned her forehead against Anna's back, finding it pleasantly warmed by the sun. Memories flooded her mind, a cherished slideshow of stills, as soft as the wind caressing at her arms.

There was a noticeable gap in those pictures as she flipped through her later recollections, and she caught herself wishing that things had happened differently.  _I wish I hadn't wasted all that time with you._

She drew back when Anna's breathing became shallower. "Hey, I think I should get off. You're getting tired."

Anna tilted her head back, "Don't you trust me?"

"What does that have to do with anything? This isn't some crazy trust exercise. This is about me making things hard for you and not liking it."

"You were having fun."

"That does not negate the truth of my statement."

The bike rolled to a halt.

Elsa smiled. "Good. Now let me get off—"

"I didn't stop so that you could leave me," Anna interrupted sullenly, hopping off to stand at her full height. "I stopped so I could spazz at you."

"Spazz?"

"Yes. Because you keep missing something very important."

The way Anna was looking at her made Elsa want to crawl into one of the groundhog holes in the grass beside them, which was disconcertingly strange because Anna never given her that expression before. Elsa fleetingly remarked that Anna would make a great mother someday, because the way Anna was glaring at her, hands crossly resting on hips brought Elsa back to the last time their mother had ever shown any concern for either of them.

Most of her earlier memories were with Anna, but there was once, in the wintertime, when they had been out in the front yard performing young Anna's Ritual of Snow Summoning, their mother had appeared from the mansion to supervise them personally.

Elsa could barely remember how her mother had looked, but she imagined it was close in reprimanding poise to how Anna was right now.

" _Elsa, don't go near the pond in the winter, okay? Sometimes it freezes over, but the ice is thin and dangerous. You and your sister could get hurt."_

Had she said ' _don't go near the pond_ ' or ' _don't let your sister near the pond_ ' or ' _stay away from the pond_ '? Elsa couldn't recall exactly.

But it was the same there's-some-very-obvious-piece-of-information-that-you-need-to-know kind of expression.

"I didn't ask for this," Anna expelled.

"No, I know, and I'm sorry I can't keep up with you."

An exasperated sigh. "That's not what I meant. I don't want you to make things 'easy' for me. And I never said this was hard."

"But there is an eas _ier_  way," Elsa protested.

"Since when do we go for easy?"

"Since easy isn't very common for us, and we should take an easy road when we get it."

Anna jabbed finger at her for the second time today. "I'm getting tired of this 'Anna's business is my business but my business is nobody else's business' thing you keep throwing at me. If you stopped trying to take the easy way out for my sake maybe we could work together to tread the harder one together."

"Why are you so willing to meet challenges head on?"

"Someone important once told me that it's better to face hardship than to cry about it."

Elsa was stirred by a sudden bout of anger that she could only describe as jealousy, and she could not stop herself from frowning when she asked, "Who?"

"You," Anna said, rolling her eyes. "You don't remember?"

Elsa blinked. "What? No."

Anna shrugged. "Basically, I complained about not having anyone to play with and you told me to suck it up."

"Excuse me? Was I impersonated by an alien for a day, because I do not remember that."

Anna was rubbing her arm. "I kind of deserved it; I was bothering you while you were working."

"My exact words were 'suck it up'?"

"No, I think you said something along the lines of 'we don't always get what we want. You just have to keep walking forward.' And then you told me to leave you alone."

Elsa sighed. "Hm, so I was not a very nice child that day."

"I don't think 'nice child' describes you at all," Anna chuckled.

"So you've known from day one that I was a mean person."

"No," Anna asserted firmly. "Doing or saying something mean doesn't make you a mean person.

"On a more serious note, though, I stand by my point." She lowered her voice, "I didn't fall in love with you because it was easier—actually I still don't know why—never mind. We chose this road, Elsa, you and I. That means we have to walk it together."

"So the lesson here is: even if there is a simpler path, we're going to take the hard one?"

Anna grinned and slung her arm around Elsa's shoulders. "Exactly."

"Doesn't sound like a very easy way to live."

Elsa heard a scoff.

"Easy is overrated. Let's get a move on. You're ruining this beautiful day."

It was indeed a beautiful day. The lofty cedars of the park stood guard for the birds and the squirrels, their lush canopies providing a sanctuary from the prying eyes of the sun, green over a cloudless blue sky like the earth on a canvas. Faintly in the distance, the laments of the ocean could be heard, crashing onto the shore, emptying into the bottomless white sand of the beach.

Children hollered, teens laughed, adults drank. As Elsa surveyed the expanse of lavish grass rolling before her, she got the sense that anyone could look like they belonged. Everyone belonged.

" _A picnic. What is that?"_

" _Well, lookie here, Ms. Oxford. A word you don't know?"_

" _I'm going to Google it if you don't tell me."_

" _You're so cute when you're clueless. But then again, sometimes, it's also downright infuriating."_

Anna was bounding toward her, in her hands a basket that had a corner with a white cloth hanging out from under the lid.

"Gerda was quick with that," Elsa muttered.

"Mhm," agreed the Anna who was already sprawled out on the large piece of blanket and tossing out food from the basket. "Gerda was also unimpressed that we're eating lunch close to dinner time."

Elsa spotted wrapped turkey sandwiches, a loaf of sourdough, a casserole dish with scalloped potatoes, a container featuring various greens mixed with tomatoes and cucumbers, and finally Anna pulled out a ceramic dish that had something wrapped in tin foil resting on it. When Anna finally undid the ball of aluminum, Elsa saw that it was a roasted whole chicken, and its succulent aroma hung provocatively in the air between them.

"Sit down," Anna said, patting the spot next to her.

"Are you sure it's sanitary?" Elsa asked, raising an eyebrow, and she noticed her sister's teal eyes rolling, exasperated, in their orbits. Sitting down, she grumbled blandly, "I'm only wondering because you're even more insufferable when you're sick."

"Says the person who gets delirious on cough meds," Anna retorted playfully. She picked up a sandwich. "Shoot," Anna groaned. "I forgot to tell Gerda I wanted mustard. I'll be right back; there's a concession stand right there."

Elsa looked up. "I suppose I can't tell someone to go for you because apparently we're taking the rougher path."

"Yup." And the younger girl took off, a spear in the wind.

To busy herself, Elsa searched for the napkins and utensils that Anna had not bothered to retrieve (because, most likely, ' _only weaklings eat with forks and knives_ '). She discovered a couple bottles of water, orange juice, and…vodka?! What in the world did Gerda think they were doing, getting drunk and smoking on a beach?

This seemed suspiciously Ariel-esque. Elsa was not going to question how, because Ariel appeared to be limitless in both her wits and her resources. Adding that to her penchant for making Elsa's life a wellspring of entertainment (' _that's what friends do, right?_ ') gave a stench that could only be described as Ariel.

Before she could dwell on this further, she was interrupted by a voice. At first, she had not even realize someone was speaking to her.

"Why hello there. What brings you here? Hey, you!"

Elsa turned and stood to find an athletically built man wearing a red polo shirt, black leather pants and knee-high hunting boots strolling toward her. As he got closer, she could make out thick eyebrows and a cleft chin on a head with jet-black hair. In her peripheral vision, Alistair and the rest of her bodyguards, disguised in casual clothing, were moving closer as well, watching the man like hawks. She thought she might have seen one of them reaching for a gun.

"Hello," Elsa addressed him cautiously.

He stood about a head above her when he was finally within a few yards of her. "So, what brings a pretty lady like you here, all alone?" He inquired, tone daubed with honey.

"I'm not—"

"Would be a shame to have all this food and no one to share with," he said.

"But I—"

"What is this," he interrupted again, pointing to one of the sandwiches. "Chicken?"

"Turkey," she corrected, and wondered what the hell was going on.

"I used to hunt turkey, you know. Only when I was lad though, when I only ate four dozen eggs." He paused, and Elsa supposed that he was waiting for a reaction?

"Okay," Elsa hedged.

"But now I eat five dozen eggs, and turkey is much too easy a prey for me."

"Okay," Elsa said again, still clueless.

"Now I hunt deer and elk. Not one of those pretty antlers escapes the eye of this hunter. Not one pretty woman either, for that matter."

At this point, Elsa was fairly dumbfounded. She had no idea what to say or do. It was one thing to repeat customary greetings and regards at her meetings (which were really her only form of social, non-Anna, non-Ariel, interaction), but she lacked any inkling about how to deal with this.

Just asking Alistair to drag this man away seemed rather rude, and Elsa was nothing if not polite. But then again, she wasn't socially competent enough to utter any appreciable response either, which was also rather rude.

Luckily, she didn't have to bust her brain thinking of an appropriate reaction, because a flash of red later, Anna was between them.

"What do you think you're doing?" The redheaded girl—who was more than a head shorter than the man—demanded. "My sister's not interested, you hear? Who do you think you are?"

"Name's Gaston," Gaston replied coolly, arrogance spilling forth. "And your sister seemed mighty interested in my magnificent shooting techniques."

"Well, they aren't magnificent here. Get out and harass someone else who isn't interested," Anna seethed. Although she had her back to Elsa, Elsa could tell she was angry. Very angry.

Which confused her further. Why?

Gaston put a beefy hand on Anna's shoulder, "Relax—"

He didn't get a chance to say anything further because Elsa had snapped (how dare anyone  _touch_ her) right there and in a flash Alistair was beside them, the Russian man looking down at Gaston, hand curled tightly around his wrist.

"You can take your filthy hand off my sister in one piece," Elsa almost growled—screw her manners. "Or two."

Gaston seemed to realize the numbers were against him, retracting his arm immediately. "Nobody messes with Gaston." He may have meant it as a threat, but it came out as a whimper. A figurative white flag trailed behind him like a scrawny tail as he quickly slithered back to wherever he came from.

Elsa dismissed her guards, giving Alistair an appreciative nod before she directed her attention back to Anna. "Are you okay?"

"No," Anna grumbled, arms crossed and frowning at the ground.

Elsa paused. Was this sulking behaviour? She was still not close to understanding why Anna seemed mad in the first place. "You're angry with me."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why?" Anna parroted, glaring intensely at Elsa. " _Why_? How  _dare_  you—" She shoved at Elsa's shoulders. "How dare you let him talk to you! One look and you could tell that he was up to no good!"

Still confused, "What's wrong with talking?"

Anna was red with—and Elsa could only guess—indignation? "Everything! You're—you're  _my_  sister!"

Oh.  _Ohhhhhhhhhhh_. Wait, was that what Gaston was doing? Well, he sure did a poor job of it. Elsa smoothed the wild locks of copper that were delightfully tousled from running, no doubt. "Don't worry; your position is secure. I am seriously doubting that Gaston would want to undergo a sex change to be sisters with me." Elsa pulled Anna into a hug. "In which possible way would he be a match for you?" She whispered.

"Stinker."

* * *

 

"Wait, so Elsa did what?" Ariel was lying flat on her back, knees bent, feet kicking the wooden floor, howling with laughter.

"I'm serious! She just stood there while he hit on her!"

"And then she—" Ariel wiped a tear from her eye, "— _still_  didn't get it?"

By now, Elsa was pretty sure Ariel was immune to death glares of all kind. She sat there, on the floor of her apartment, legs crossed, wallowing in humiliation, watching the moon rise above the clouds, while her friend and girlfriend shrieked with glee at her latest ineptitude. She suddenly wished for the ability to become transparent.

"My god, Elsa. How did you live to the age of 20?"

"Enough, Ariel. Now please tell us the reason for your impromptu visit  _and_  the reason for the bottle of Grey Goose I found in our picnic basket this afternoon."

Ariel snickered. "Oh, that was for Anna. I thought she might need it to put up with you."

Anna looked at Elsa. "Wait, there was vodka?"

Ariel clucked her tongue. "You didn't tell her?" Before Elsa could respond, Ariel reached into her bag and produced a bottle of Iordanov Vodka. "That's okay, I brought even better stuff."

"Ariel, you know how I feel about drinking…"

"Oh, relax, Elsa. It's not like a truck is going to be climbing the twenty flights of stairs it takes get up here. And unless I've misjudged the sizes of trucks, I'd say that it wouldn't fit in the elevator, either."

"Man, Elsa, I wish we could take your guilt and catapult it out the window," Anna said.

"Amen to that," Ariel followed, taking out three shot glasses and pouring one for each of them. "To you two dorks," she announced raising her glass.

"To guilt-free living," Anna added.

"To…never going back," Elsa smiled at both of them, and they drained their glasses.

"So, I actually came here to make sure the two of you weren't dead, namely Elsa, because as soon as you guys told me you were going biking, I was like, 'Elsa's not going to last'. How long did she last, Anna?"

"About five minutes."

Ariel poured out three more shots, and Elsa went to retrieve three glasses of water. "Ha, I knew it! There's no one on earth more physically challenged than your sister, Anna. Take it from me." She downed her liquor and turned to Anna. "You know, when we had our first time—"

"First time?"

Elsa was sipping her water, and she sucked in a breath so hard that cold liquid filled her windpipe and nose. She sputtered, hacking, trying desperately to end the conversation.

"Yeah, you know. She couldn't stay awake long enough when we first started—"

Elsa's coughs escalated into wheezes, then into gasps, then back into hacking.

"Woah there, is a whale dying in your nose or something? Anyway—"

"Wait," Anna said, while Elsa convulsed with more artificial coughs. " _First time_?"

Ariel froze at the same time as Elsa. "She…hasn't told you?"

"No," Elsa choked. Welp, she probably wouldn't make it to tomorrow now.

"First time as in… sex?" Anna prompted, eerily calm.

Both Elsa and Ariel descended into awkward silence, until Ariel stood up and dashed to the door. The death glare that Elsa shot her this time elicited a sheepish glance. "Well, I, uh, gotta go now. You guys, um, have fun!" And shut the door behind her.

Elsa's eyes were trained to the door because they had a mind of their own to not look at the wrath behind her.

Anna's voice was deceitfully light. "Elsa."


	40. Healing, Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, guys, for the longest time, I've been trying to post this chapter and AO3 has just been glitching out for me. Sorry for the delay!

"Elsa," Elsa heard Anna say again, when she couldn't bring herself to turn.

How was she going to explain this? One of her options was to  _lie, lie, lie_ like she did with everything and say it was normal relationship progress after two weeks of dating, but then would Anna extrapolate from there and, god forbid, start comparing herself to Ariel? No, she wouldn't lie anymore. She might have been a coward and a perjurer, but those were habits she was determined to step on and scrape off her shoe.

Still, she was on the brink of panicking, her mind spinning like the spokes of a bicycle wheel going out of control, kicking up vagrant thoughts in sprays of dust. It was the feeling during the last minutes of an exam when there were still questions to be answered and every moment wasted would make everything worse.

Moves were unfolding before her as if she were playing a chess match; if she moved here, but then her opponent would—and every subsequent chain reaction would result in her loss. Checkmate, but then again, when had this ever been about winning or losing?

"If you want to go after her, you can."

Every circuit in Elsa's head screeched to a halt. More out of survival instinct than voluntary action, she turned to face this long-time adversary—the possibility of misunderstanding. "It's not what you think," she managed to protest dumbly.

"And what  _do_  I think?" Anna challenged, eyes narrowing so subtly that Elsa couldn't decipher whatever reaction Anna was hiding behind them. She imagined it was something along the lines of… hurt?... betrayed? Or angry, because Elsa had long since learned that roads which did not lead to happiness always led to anger.

But perhaps she needed to stop assuming that Anna would be irate with every mistake she made—after all, who was the only one to have loved Elsa through everything? Maybe that was what love meant. Forgiveness.

Elsa could only hope for that, but with what she had done, the ugliness of it all, did she really deserve forgiveness? "I'm not going after her."  _That_ , she could at least declare with confidence. "I might be an idiot with laughably blunted common sense, but even I can learn. I'm not running from this, Anna. Or you. And I was fool to think I could. Somehow, you always catch me."

"Maybe if we were a normal couple," Anna offered evenly. "You could have probably gotten away with it."

"Like if we had met as strangers on the street, or in a bar?"

"And you had to tell me your life story without me witnessing it for myself."

"I could edit."

"Exactly," Anna muttered, remaining faithful to her neutral demeanor, "that's why  _this_  is so real. Everything I know about you I learned for myself. And that's why I'm…"

"Hiding your ire behind a passively-aggressive mild tone?"

"… Somewhat miffed that you didn't tell me."

Elsa couldn't help but scoff at the uncharacteristic mellowness in Anna's voice. "Just miffed?"

"You  _want_  me to yell at you?"

She stared at the ground, tracing faint rings of age on the floorboards, representations of how long the trees had lived before they were cut down and processed—most likely much longer than Elsa's current lifespan, what with the absolutely amazing way she was handling the current situation. She put up a hand in resignation. "I… want you to have all the facts before you yell at me. If you want to listen."

"I will if you promise not to sugarcoat."

"I'm actually kind of good at that."

"You  _are_  rather blunt sometimes," Anna agreed, cracking a slight smile.

"Only sometimes?"

"I'm being generous. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"I'll take note of that," Elsa murmured, feeling sufficiently relaxed by the marginally loosened tension to cross her legs so that their knees were almost touching—mirror images. "Remember when I told you about the night you got drunk at that party?" There was no acknowledgment, because they both knew the question was rhetorical. "And you kissed me when I was trying to drag you to your room." Elsa paused—so far so good.

But this was the hard part, for some reason that was currently unclear to her. Maybe the hardest part. "That was my first kiss, too." This was news, apparently—Anna's eyes softened to a degree. Though Elsa wondered if Anna had ever really speculated on the subject of Elsa's first kiss—had she assumed that it was just with some random servant boy? Or did she just not care? And if that was this case, why was this a big deal?

Nevertheless, she pushed on. "It made me feel… strange. But a good strange. Like—like I wanted to do it again. And I knew it shouldn't have been with you, because, well, that was all kinds of wrong, wasn't it?" She managed a chuckle, but didn't feel right, even to her. Because now it was only all sorts of right. "At the time, at least," she corrected. "And you were only fourteen. But whenever I thought about it, about what happened, about how it felt… I would feel warmer, like the very thought of kissing you was lighting the fuse to a stick of dynamite.

"It was the worst at night, because all I had was time. And under the cover of darkness, it was easier to let my mind wander. And guess where it always ended up? You," Elsa laughed again. "That in itself wasn't anything new to me, but it was the  _way_  I thought about you. I'd always catch myself thinking about how beautiful you were when you told me you could handle  _Hans_ , but not me being mean to you. How beautiful you always are, inside and out. And after that, it was so hard to be near you. So hard that I was almost glad I was going away to Oxford. Sometimes I almost gave in to it, you know? The desire to reach out and poke you. Pat your head. Give you a hug—all under the pretense of my 'big sister' act, any excuse to touch you."

"You don't need an excuse to touch me," Anna whispered absentmindedly, echoing Elsa's thoughts from that morning. Then she started, as if she had just realized where she was. "S-sorry! You were saying?"

"Gee, I didn't realize that my story was boring you so much you forgot you were sitting right across from me," Elsa grumbled sardonically.

Anna was rapidly shaking her head. "No, no! It's just—your voice. You rarely ever say so much at once! I usually do most of the talking. No, I was just reminded of when you read me bedtime stories, all those years ago."

"This is more of an M-rated bedtime stor—what are you doing?"

When Anna looked up at her, their faces were only inches away, because Anna was crawling into Elsa's lap, her reputation for unpredictability not unwarranted. "Oh, uh, I could tell this was going to be a long story, sooooo…" She settled herself into the space bordered by Elsa's pretzeled legs. "I'm getting comfortable? And making sure you don't run off in the middle."

Elsa leaned her back against the glass walls that gave clear view to moonlit ocean so as to support her sister's weight on her front. Cleared her throat, because she could do little else to deny the rush of adrenaline surging through her veins at the idea that Anna was sitting between her legs and a cheeky copper head was resting lightly on her shoulder. "Can I take this to mean that you aren't mad at me?"

Anna was tracing patterns on one of Elsa's palms, and the sensation was almost as distracting as the entire thing, so Elsa barely heard the response to her question. "Hm, don't think you're off the hook yet. I'm still deciding when I'm going to schedule your death. Might as well be comfortable at the same time."

Elsa couldn't help but smile. "Are you going to throw me off a cliff, baby Scar?"

"That could be arranged," Anna retorted, nestling further into the crook of Elsa's neck. "Maybe right now if you don't start telling the story."

"Alright, alright. Where did I leave off?"

"You wanted to touch me."

"Yes, but," Elsa started, unsure whether to be amused or wary, "you didn't need to make me sound like a complete pervert."

"You mean you're not?"

Elsa rolled her eyes and prodded Anna's flank, eliciting a shriek of surprise from the younger girl. "I'm going to pretend that bit of conversation never happened," she murmured, "And get on with my explanation."

"Story," Anna hummed, recovered from Elsa's impromptu assault.

"Like I said, I was almost happy to get away from all of this all the way up until the day I left. Do you remember?"

Anna made an irritated noise. "How could I forget? You didn't even give me a hug when you left. If I'd have known Mom wouldn't let you come home in the summer, I would've squeezed one out of you then and there."

Elsa sighed. "I was confused. So confused by what I was feeling. And even more than that, afraid of what it could be. It was a  _relief_. To be away from you, for—"

"Don't say that," Elsa heard Anna—was that a whimper? "You don't know what that did to me."

"You didn't let me finish," she replied softly, closing her hand around Anna's fingers. "It was a relief for about three seconds. I was  _in love_  with you, Anna, even if I didn't know it then. And being away from you, well, the feeling of missing you was heavier than the weight of the entire Pacific—that was what I compared it to, at least. Like I was being crushed by an ocean made of everything that was missing from me.

"That was when I met Ariel. Someone so similar to you; even the colour of her hair was almost the same."

"So she was my replacement," Anna interjected sullenly.

Elsa couldn't help but chuckle at the hint of jealousy she detected in Anna's voice. "No. Heavens, no. She might've been difficult like you, but she most certainly wasn't you. Who else knows firsthand what kind of chocolate I'll love, or how stoned I get from cough syrup? Or how horribly atrocious my attempts at romance are, for that matter."

"Sorry," Anna grumbled. "Every time you try to talk to me about you, I somehow end up making it about me. And then you wind up comforting me." She sat up straighter, apology raw in those teal depths.

"So you realized that you're a needy brat?" Elsa teased with a lopsided smile. Then she reached to smooth out ruffled ginger bangs. "I think that's not really avoidable. Our lives are so intertwined that whatever affects me affects you, too." She froze, as though she were suddenly struck by lightning. God, had she really not realized that until then? Where had her brain gone? "And vice…versa."

"It's too easy to forget that," the younger girl muttered absentmindedly. "So did you love Ariel?"

"She didn't short-circuit my brain like you do, if that's what you're getting at. It's unfortunate; I don't think I could love anyone besides you—even platonically. You hog  _all_  the space."

"Sounds like me," Anna quipped. "Then why did you… agree to go out with her? Do you think she was in love with you?"

It seemed necessary to ponder this question carefully before answering. Just how deep did Elsa's relationship with Ariel run? Ariel may have been an omniscient snob, but she was human, too. "I think, like me, she was confused about what she wanted."

"That's what she told me, too," Anna said slowly.

This was news to Elsa. She stilled, opened her mouth, but then decided her next move would best be silent comprehension. From the very beginning, she had disliked the situation—even more so now, when they were on the subject of herself and Ariel. A question loomed between them, heavy like the impending avalanche of ash and hot rock during a volcanic eruption. It was only a matter of time. Which goddamn brain cell in Ariel's skull thought it would be a good idea to bring up  _sex_  in front of Anna?

"This is really awkward," Anna remarked neutrally when the reticence dragged on, fidgeting in her spot. "Like, even more than me-awkward."

Elsa could only respond with, "I know." In a borderline desperate attempt to move the conversation off of the eggshells, she added, "You have a talent for making awkward situations un-awkward, though."

"Is un-awkward even a word?"

She couldn't stop her smile. "See?"

"Could you not sit so stiffly? It's hard to find a good spot."

Elsa hadn't even noticed when her shoulders had squared and her back had tightened. Relief washed over her, simultaneous with relaxation. "You are in such a weird position right now, and I can't tell you how sorry I am."

Anna shrugged. "It's not like I haven't been in weird positions before. Wait, that came out wrong. I mean, now that I think about it, you and Ariel have been exchanging sexual innuendos right in front of me for the longest time. When—when were you going to tell me?"

"I'm not sure I wanted to," Elsa confessed heavily. "It's not exactly something that requires broadcasting."

Anna snorted, unimpressed. "Then are you at least going to tell me why you've abstained—and intend to continue abstaining—from… from… doing it with me, when you did it with Ariel less than two weeks into the relationship?"

Lying would be so easy. She could just tell Anna what she wanted to hear. She wouldn't have to show Anna how ugly she really was—how she had used Ariel, how she had lied and cheated two of the most loyal people in her life. But lying…lying would just create more wounds, more scars. And heaven knew Elsa understood the pain of a scar. She had lied enough, hadn't she? "I didn't." 

"But Ariel said—"

"I didn't in those two weeks."

Watching Anna's expression as the younger slowly pieced together the facts Elsa had given her was like watching inky rain clouds splatter onto a clear horizon. It was insidious, almost sinister—the inevitability of it. But wasn't it about time Elsa started taking responsibility for her actions? Some truths may hurt, but all lies hurt more. And revealing this particular one, well, it was turning over a rock on a beach and exposing all of the gunk underneath.

"So it was before you came back."

Again, Anna appeared eerily neutral. And the only thing Elsa had dreaded more than telling the actual truth was giving the reason behind her decisions. Stupid reasons, now that she was able to reflect. She had wanted to forget. Wanted to hide. But some things could never be forgotten, never remained hidden and she should have known that particular principle better than anyone else because nothing,  _nothing_ , in her life ever stayed buried.

"Do you want me to explain?" Elsa proffered, neck under the guillotine.

"I'm still deciding," Anna said quietly.

Elsa was never one to fidget, but the suspense was killing her, so to speak. In lieu of shifting uncomfortably, she muttered, "Don't blow your brain," as a peace offering.

Of course Anna humoured her with a small twitch of her mouth, though she was half removing herself from Elsa's lap, one foot already dangling toward the outside. Elsa sat very still as Anna deliberated, and couldn't hold back her disappointment when cold air fell back on her folded legs. Anna had not gone very far; her back was still leaning against Elsa's arm, but it was as if she were preparing to leave, and the prospect of that hurt more than it should have.

"If this hadn't happened, you would never have even mentioned it to me, would you?"

Elsa braced herself. "No."

But Anna didn't reel on her, like she had expected. Instead, ocean held sky as evenly as the horizon as they looked each other in the eyes, and Anna nodded once. "I can't, uh, put my finger on it, exactly, but I feel like I get why you wouldn't. Strange, because I think you'd have less of a problem telling me if I were some random person you met in a bar. On the other hand though, if I met a stranger in a bar I wouldn't be too keen on listening to their sexual history either."

"I guess that means you want to hear it."

"You can't really blame me for wanting to know everything about you, can you? You spend so much time closed off from everyone else inside your mind that it drives me crazy."

"Most of the time though, you're in there with me." Elsa muttered, more to calm her own nerves than to console Anna, but did both equally well; Anna cracked a smile. Elsa took a deep breath and looked at her hands. She could do this. Deliver the facts. "It wasn't a one night stand or anything. We weren't drunk, or under the influence of drugs. Ariel suggested that we be friends with benefits, and I…agreed." When Anna remained silent, Elsa tentatively added, "If it makes it any better, we barely saw each other during exam periods and breaks so we've only done it a handful of times."

"Only a handful of times," Anna repeated, and Elsa could hear the sound of fingernails sliding against hardwood floor, ominously indifferent.

"You can hit me if you want," Elsa sighed, "If it makes you feel better."

She wasn't surprised when Anna completely ignored her (perhaps passive-aggressiveness ran in the family), instead asking, "Why did you agree to it?"

"It's not that hard to figure out, is it, Anna? I'm guessing you just don't want to see it."

Anna ignored her again. "So, your first time was with Ariel?"

"Yes."

Suddenly, Elsa was shoved to the side, and she landed with a thud on the cinnamon maple finish. Before she could react, Anna clunked down beside her in a flurry of ginger, arms and legs sprawled like a sea star's. "Hahhhhhhhh…" The younger girl exhaled. "I still don't feel satisfied."

Elsa was staring at the lights on the ceiling, feeling them burn into her irises. "With my answer?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't know how to feel about this. You've told me so much at once."

She dared to hope, "You're not mad at me, then?"

"I kind of am. And I'm kind of not. I don't know," Anna restated. "How do  _you_  feel about it? You failed to mention that."

"I regret it. So much," Elsa said, closing her eyes. "And I keep feeling like I wasted something. For both me, and Ariel. I shouldn't have agreed. Even though I knew it would be the first time for both of us, I let it happen because I didn't want to face my feelings for you. Because I thought it would distract me. Because that's who I am."

"Was," Anna corrected softly.

That caught Elsa off-guard, and she turned her head to search for any evidence of sarcasm, but found none. She couldn't even locate traces of anger on Anna's face. "You really think that?"

"If you were still that person, you would have left. Or lied."

Elsa smiled. "I could be lying right now."

Anna scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself. You're not that good of a liar," she whispered.

"Excuse me? I happen to recall you believing a lot of my lies."

"I saw through them all," Anna insisted. "And you slap like a cheerleader."

"Why am I in love with you again?" Elsa wondered aloud.

"Not everyone is as utterly charming as moi."

"Not everyone is as utterly incomprehensible," Elsa retorted. She reflected on the day's events from morning to night, and a smile formed out of reflex. "God help me, I might be falling in love with you all over again."

"Join the club," Anna grumbled, crossing her arms.

"What?"

"You heard me, lovestruck fool."

"Say again, insufferable brat."

Anna whirled on her, leaning over her, and jabbed a finger at her nose. "You don't know how unfair it is for everything you do or say to make me fall more and more in love with you, okay? When you came onto the stupid deck of that stupid boat wearing a freaking tux, I thought I was going to die. And then you told me you loved me and I'm standing there flapping my lips like a goldfish because you ambushed me so unfairly and then you—"

How was that for an ambush? It might not have been the perfect moment, but Elsa could not help but take advantage of it nonetheless. And it was almost by instinct the way her arms hooked around Anna's neck, the way her body sought the warmth of her younger sister's body. The way her eyes slid shut, the way her lips immediately parted.

And Anna responded in kind, despite already short on breath from her spiel, mouth moving with Elsa's—it felt so familiar, like they'd done this a million times before, but at the same time it was new. Hands clutched feverishly at Elsa's shoulders, fingers threading through her hair, pulling apart her braid.

They had to part for air though, with Anna lasting much longer than Elsa expected, and while her little sister caught her breath, Elsa inclined her head to plant a kiss on Anna's chin, "I fell in love with you when you asked me to stay with you." Kiss. "When you held me the night of Ariel's accident." Kiss. "When you waited for me on the doorstep." Kiss. "When you refused to leave me alone."

"Don't think you can sweet-talk me into anything," Anna growled, eyes still glazed with residual desire. "And are we turning this into a competition?" She dipped her head and pressed her lips to Elsa's collarbone. "Because you're going to lose."

Elsa shuddered; she was not about to dispute it. In her current state of mind, she would have been ready to sell all the stocks to Arendelle Corp for zero dollars, if that was what it took for Anna to keep doing that. "That was unfair," she managed. What had they been talking about again?

There was a half-chuckle, half-giggle. "Serves you right. You ambushed me first. How rude of you. You wouldn't even let me finish—"

These were ambitious waters that she was treading, and Elsa knew it. Still, she couldn't refuse the call of the void when the reward was so gratifying. She was bolder this time, hands palming her sister's warm cheeks, tongue sliding along the crevice between Anna's lips to demand easier access.

"I like to think that I'm extremely well-disciplined," Elsa mumbled, barely getting her words out before Anna's hungry mouth enveloped hers in retaliation. The temperature in the room rose quickly (or maybe just the temperature under her skin), and even the cool hardwood floor did nothing to stop it.

"Infuriatingly so," Anna said, fingers flitting over the skin of Elsa's neck. She let loose a smirk, one that sent shivers down Elsa's spine. Leaning closer, "It makes me wonder if you're very, very, subtly challenging my ability to seduce you."

Elsa abruptly sat up, causing Anna to fall off her and plop onto the ground. "You still want to seduce me?"

"Oh, does that mean you want me to?" Anna bit back cheekily, rolling into Elsa's side, eliciting a half-squawk from the surprised elder.

When she had regained her bearings, she answered, "No, I thought—I mean, it's just—why aren't you… um... uh...?"

"My, my, my," Anna snorted, covering her mouth with one hand in an unladylike attempt at elegance, "Is President Elsa Arendelle at a loss for words?"

"I'm at a loss for  _thoughts_  right now," Elsa replied, after coming up with zero retorts. "What I meant to say is… do you understand what I told you?"

"You slept with Ariel multiple times because you wanted to forget me," Anna recited in monotone, as if she were giving a speech and making a mockery of it at the same time.

"And you understand what that says about me?"

Anna scoffed. "That you're a flawed human being with needs like the rest of us?"

Elsa felt her eyebrows knitting together, lips pressing together in a line.

Anna poked her shoulder. "Careful, sister. If you frown too much, your face will freeze like that."

"I  _used_  her, Anna!" Elsa blurted, despite herself. "The entire time. And even when I agreed to go out with her, I was just using her, manipulating her feelings for me, and then I threw her away when it was convenient for me—"

Anna silenced her with a kiss right then, but after she pulled away, Elsa couldn't help but continue the tumble of guilt and self-pity, "Don't you see what a horrible person I am?"

"Stop. You're ashamed of it," Anna murmured. "You wish you could take it back."

"Of course I am!" Elsa spat. She wanted nothing more than to eject that part of her past as easily as she had expelled the truth detailing it. If regret were an organ, she would have cut it out of her body so it couldn't poison her any further. If only it were that easy.

There was a ruffle of fabric as Anna sat up beside her, and when Elsa dejectedly turned to meet her sister's gaze (not gaze, but a glare), she was greeted with teal eyes burning with a conviction that she had never seen before. "Then all I see is a girl who's sorry for making a mistake."

Mistake. Of course it was. That was all she was good for, after all. Her entire life was a series of mistakes, a cascade of chain reactions that led to one wrong choice after another. She watched herself make the wrong decisions again and again, and she was powerless to stop it.

It was almost as if Anna could hear her thoughts, because her silence earned her a smack on the head. "Eesh, we all make mistakes, Elsa. And it's good that we do, because you know what? We're learning from them.  _You're_ learning from them. You've lied to me in the past, and now you've chosen to tell me the truth. And I, also," Anna said, her voice drifting to a mumble, "used Kristoff in a way not unlike how you treated Ariel. So I get how you feel about it, because I feel like crap, too. Neither of them deserved it. I used Kristoff," she repeated, for clarity, as if Elsa couldn't hear it the first time. "Tell me, Elsa. Does that make me a horrible person?"

And then Elsa realized that she wasn't the only one seeking solace from her sins. That when it rained, everyone standing in it got wet, not just a single person. That she wasn't the only imperfect person living in this imperfect world. That she wasn't the only one who needed to feel the sun's warmth, either. She could be both, she decided. She wasn't always cold like rainwater, and Anna couldn't always be as temperate as the sun. So she let herself reach for Anna's hand. "No. You just made a mistake."

It was as much a relief to say it as it was to hear it, perhaps even more. Like looking in the mirror, accepting who you were, and forgiving yourself. Forgiveness wasn't just a kindness to someone else. It was a kindness to yourself, too. Elsa cleared her throat, but something had occurred to her and refused to be redirected. She coughed once for good measure. "So, er, did you… you know? With Kristoff?"

"Did I… Jesus, Elsa!" Anna had turned bright red and huddled herself into an adorable fetal position that gave Elsa's pulse an extra loud beat. "No! God! No!"

"… Oh." She made an attempt to conceal her relief, "Hm." Long ago, Elsa had learned that the only way to avoid disappointment was to not have expectations, but if she were honest with herself (which she rarely was) she would have admitted that had Anna answered with an affirmative she would have passively nodded her acceptance and then most likely ordered Alistair to throw the boy into the Pacific. Wait, would that have been jealousy? No, she would probably have attributed that to an older sister's barbaric protectiveness.

Soon, the tables were turned on her. "Which is why I'm still kind of miffed that you would refuse to do it with me after being so…  _agreeable_ … with Ariel!"

If there was one choice that Elsa would defend to her last breath, it would be her decision to remain abstinent. There was never harm in waiting. "I was trying to keep you from making the same mistakes I did. I wanted you to be sure. You can't… come back from this."

"I  _am_  sure," Anna said, adamant. "Wait, when you get right down to it… are you trying to protect my virginity?" Then, as if she had just realized the words she had chosen, she slapped a hand over her mouth and flushed, even pinker than before.

Elsa would have laughed at her if not for the strange (albeit awkward) seriousness of the situation. Though she still almost choked—which was quite a feat for her since she didn't happen to be drinking anything—and wheezed while blood rushed to her face, "Well, if you put it that way… I guess so."

The direction in which this conversation was going was not helping either sibling return from tomato impression land. What Anna tended to do in these types of unfortunate circumstances was yell, like a Chihuahua yapping at strangers to gloss over its own anxiety. So Elsa shouldn't have been startled when she heard her sister cry, "Dammit, Elsa! You don't need to make me sound like a tramp who would just offer it to anybody!"

"I didn't mean it like that!" She couldn't help but call back; the blood pounding in her ears was making it hard to focus on anything besides how embarrassingly flustered she was. "But while we're on the subject of this, make sure you use protection if—"

"Oh! My! God!" Anna shrieked at her. "Stop it! Stop it right now! Tell me you are not having the sex talk with me, Elsa Arendelle, or so help me—"

"It's part of the job description, okay? Might as well get all the weird stuff over and done wi—"

"Gah! You're five years too late for sex ed!"

Elsa put her hands up in surrender. This was not good for her blood pressure. "Then why is this so awkward?!"

"I don't know! Why are you so bent on protecting my—my ch-ch-chastity?"

"Because… b-because I didn't with mine, okay?"

Everything reeled to a halt. With one sentence, the rolling snowball of embarrassment dissolved into thin air. All that was left was two furiously blushing idiots staring at each other in the heat of summer night.

"I… I get it," Anna stuttered.

"A-and also, you weren't planning to be sexually active five y—"

Anna shrieked again and covered her ears. "La la la! La! La! I'm blocking you out now!  _In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the li—"_

"Don't you start chanting in African," Elsa teased gently. But she allowed herself a giggle and yielded, "Okay, okay, next topic."

"Next topic," Anna mimicked with a hint of mockery, "Wait, what's the next topic?"

"I received an email earlier this evening titled 'spooning application'," Elsa began, feigning skepticism. "Weird thing is, it was sent from  _Ariel_  on  _your_  behalf."

Anna cursed under her breath. Straightened her legs and crossed her arms, mumbling something unintelligible. "That was supposed to be for later."

Elsa had to stifle her laughter with the back of her hand, already feeling much lighter than she had earlier, and dared to hope that she could stay that way. "It's late. Should we try your 'cuddling' thing, tonight?"

Anna was eyeing the bottle of vodka Ariel had bestowed upon the floor. "I was actually considering a game of truth or dare to get you to spill the last of whatever is still bothering you, but I want you to tell me while you're sober, not trick it out of you."

Somewhere along the way, Elsa had gotten to her feet in a whirlwind of awkwardness, which she then remedied by hunkering back down beside her sister. The bottle was adorned with countless crystals that threw rainbows under the lamplight, and Elsa remarked briefly that it was a clever disguise for such an evil drink. "It would certainly make it easier," she allowed. "Some people call this truth serum, or liquid courage. It's almost a mild sedative—well, a depressant. And the feeling you get is like… like there's a pillow around your brain."

"I know. I've been there," Anna reminded her.

Elsa turned the bottle over in her hands. "Maybe a little past 'there'."

"Your point?"

"I'm trying to decide whether I need it."

"But what it gives us is an illusion. It dulls everything and makes it seem surreal. And everything is easier when you don't believe it's real," Anna said.

Elsa stared wistfully at the ground. Stared at the vodka. The easy way out. Once upon a time, she might have taken it.

Anna nudged her with a foot. "Hey, Elsa, if I said I had a really, really, horrible secret and it was destroying me from the inside, and if I said I thought it would destroy me more if I told you because it would destroy you, too, would you still want to hear it?"

Could Elsa be any more transparent? Did Anna…did Anna know about  _them_? Because Anna's convoluted in-a-nutshell question completely summed up Elsa's (recurrent) dilemma. Thinking back to what Anna had disclosed about alcohol, she concluded aloud, "I would want to hear it. Because if we ignore the bad and only accept the good, then… then it wouldn't be real, would it? And I've learned that I'm very greedy. I want all of you." She stood and extended a hand toward Anna. "Can't have life without both sun and rain, yeah?"

Anna took the offered limb and pretended to dab at her eyes. "My little girl's growing up," she mused, donning her best impression of the sniffles. "Where are we going? Ooh, are we going to your bedroom? I like this idea already."

There were still no mirrors in Elsa's room, and she wondered if Anna ever noticed that. She paused for a moment, held back by the sudden notion that if  _she_  couldn't handle seeing her own scars, how could Anna? Her pulse began to race, palms began to sweat, and then it was her father's study all over again—dammit! Why couldn't she keep herself together for  _one second_?

In another futile attempt to shield herself from… well, herself, she let go of Anna's hand and her arms crossed protectively over her abdomen, falling back into her age-old regimen of trying to keep herself from shattering once again.

"Wait here," she heard someone say.

Hilarious. Where else could she have gone? This was supposed to be her haven, the one place where she didn't have to look somewhere and see the hideous thing her father created staring right back at her. The loathsome, ugly creature born from her, the same as her, the one she could never run from, no matter how hard she tried. Mirrors were its home, eyes were its accusations, and metal was its smile. A demonic oxymoron of a smile.

Something solid pressed against her lips, and when her hand darted out to swat it away, it brushed skin. Warm, smooth skin. Elsa opened her eyes to see Anna holding something out toward her, and the monster vanished, as quick as a bolt of lightning.

"Kiss," Anna whispered, and it took Elsa a ridiculously long time to realize that it was chocolate that Anna was offering to her. A thumb prompted her lips to part, and the piece of candy landed on her tongue, sweet and heavenly. Anna beamed at her. "Chocolate is the best thing in the world, isn't it?"

 _Next to you_.

Elsa returned the smile with as much gusto as she could manage, but it was like squeezing water out of a fire—splintering and unfruitful. "Thanks."

Anna was already unwrapping the dark droplets of Hershey's Kisses and forcing them into Elsa's mouth with Olympic rapidity. When Elsa finally managed to dodge the onslaught of chocolate rain, Anna thrust the bag of sweets to Elsa's chest more aggressively than Elsa thought necessary. "Vodka might be liquid courage," she said, tone full of bravado, "but chocolate is… is… sugar," she finished tersely, last words washed away like underground runoff that was to be replaced by fresh rainwater. Still, unabated, "I used to binge-eat this stuff at night, after a nightmare or if I just missed you really badly.

I know my nightmares can't really compare with yours, but there's that moment right after waking up where you're kind of between two…realities, I guess, and you're not awake enough to distinguish what's real and not and I just feel like you somehow end up stuck there even though you're actually conscious. Except the line is more blurred for you and it's harder to wake you up because you're not actually asleep in the first place and I kind of wish I was a therapist right now with a PhD and a better way to bring you back to reality than stuffing your face with Kisses."

Elsa didn't know when a tear had drifted down her cheek until Anna reached out with a gentle hand to catch it on her index finger—blue diamond eyes uncertain, but she held onto the tiny piece of fallen misery, as if she couldn't bear to dash it away. Even the smallest bit, Anna bore it like a medal.

Elsa managed to swallow the last of the chocolate, the melted sugar moving down her dry throat at a painful pace. She tried to wet her lips, lick the sweet stuff off, but settled for swiping a finger instead. Despite her usual inclination to suffering solo, she was suddenly glad that Anna was with her, glad that she could hear the rambling, because even the bitterest foods had a sweet aftertaste, and Anna was hers.

"Stuff my face with kisses," Elsa repeated, although exhausted. It was good that Anna was not the type who lacked motivation. And for once, Elsa thanked the gods for Anna's gift of not thinking before she leapt.

* * *

 

_The first time Anna climbed a tree, she fell to the ground with an unceremonious splat. Elsa remembered being rather occupied with heart attacks during Anna's spills, so much that she hadn't even thought to be amused by the way the preschooler thumped down on her behind over and over, like a beanbag, harmlessly on the soft grass._

" _Dumb twee!" Anna cried, flailing her arms and legs and rocketing the vegetation around her into the air after what seemed like her twentieth tumble. "I not gonna be fwends 'neemore." Then she puffed out her cheeks and glared at the offending tower of foliage in her trademark Anna way._

_After a quick check for injuries, Elsa leaned over, hands on her knees, until their faces were level. While she agreed that asking a tree for piggybacks was a futile exercise in itself, she hated to see her little sister's efforts go to waste—which they often did. "Poor tree," she remarked, ever the devil's advocate. "Maybe it just wants to be alone."_

" _Dummy," the younger child harrumphed. "The twee looks so sad 'cause it's lonely."_

_Elsa eyed the great willow thoughtfully, from its thick, bowed trunk to its weeping leaves. Beside her, Anna hopped up with renewed energy and clutched at the bark again. Shadowing her features was the ghost of determination, one that almost looked mature, out of place on her small body. "Not enough," Elsa mumbled absentmindedly to herself, just as Anna's fingers slipped from the gnarled wood again._

" _Auuuugh! Stupid twee!"_

" _That's a bad word."_

" _Don' care," Anna muttered, crossing her arms._

" _Are you giving up?"_

_The redheaded child nodded._

_Elsa sat down beside her. "Are you sure?" She looked at Gerda, who was watching them from the edge of the field, clothed in black. Further in the distance stood a field of smooth stonemen, standing erect and vigilant, in front of a group of people also dressed in dark clothing. Elsa waved, and their caretaker gave a tiny wave back. "It doesn't look like Mommy and Daddy are done yet."_

" _Twee too big," Anna complained._

" _But look," Elsa said, taking off her scarf and stretching a line of ebony fabric across the trunk, "This is when you started," and she raised the line as high as possible, "and this is how high you were the last time you fell. You know how you got that high?"_

_Anna shook her head._

" _Hard work."_

_Anna stuck her tongue out. "Don' like dat word."_

" _It's two words. Wanna know what it means?"_

"' _Kay."_

" _Never giving up."_

How strange it was that Elsa was the one who gave up first.

Her sister collided with her, knocking her backward, first against the wall, and then the dresser, until finally they landed on something soft and accommodating—the bed. Bottles of perfume, lamps, books, pillows lay in the wake of the destructive dust cloud of desperation. Neither one of them noticed enough to care; they were much too preoccupied with feeling the other as much as possible. Other sensations barely registered.

Anna had chosen to attack her bottom lip first, sucking and licking and biting, but somewhere in between she had moved from there to the corner of Elsa's mouth, and then her upper lip, until she got tired of the fine details and apparently decided to make good on her words, tongue swiping across teeth.

"I hope…" Elsa heard Anna huff breathily in between the kissing, "you didn't mean… the chocolates."

"Doesn't… matter," Elsa replied with great difficulty, and grabbed a hand that was starting to circle from her waist to her back.

"I'm still miffed, Elsa," Anna growled, a guttural sound driven by thirst and jealousy. "And I'm tired of waiting."

This wouldn't be the first time Anna won an argument against her, but it would be the first time Elsa didn't want to lose. Still, the last artificial wall between them had begun to crumble—or had they outgrown it? And as the first brick fell out of place, the rest followed, leaving nothing but a heap of memories and nightmares coated with lies. Elsa loosened her grip on Anna's hand, but neither girl moved further.

The younger girl propped herself up and brought her knees to either side of Elsa's stomach, " _And_  I'm not an idiot. Sometimes."

Adrenaline still coursed unbidden through Elsa's blood, but now she wasn't so sure whether it was from the fact that her girlfriend was straddling her or that the last piece of herself, one that she hadn't even shown to herself in many years, would be released.

"You won't let me touch your back," Anna continued, the lust in her voice swept away and replaced with something sweeter, less destructive. "You're still terrified of hurting me. You've shown me that… that  _thing,_ back at the Manor. Scars on your psyche aren't the only things Da—… Father left you, are they?"

Elsa felt the tears this time, prickling like water made of knives at the backs of her eyes—the same ones she hated herself for shedding every time the subject resurfaced. And with them they brought the needles of shame and blame, each one piercing enough to hurt but not kill. Unable to bear the weight of truth any longer, she covered her eyes with a hand in a futile attempt to press those goddamn shards back to where they belonged, sealed inside her, before she developed full-blown sobs.

Her hand was pried from her face by gentle fingers. "It's okay," Anna said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Give them to me."

"I love you," Elsa whispered, throat suffocated by repressed whimpers. "I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger."

Anna pressed her forehead to Elsa's, and it was a weight that Elsa relished. One that she would gladly hold onto. "I'm sorry you had to try," Anna murmured back. "And…" She reached to brush away stray tears, smiled with watery eyes, "Thank you."

Those two little words burst the dam. Elsa cried, and for the first time in forever, it was not because there was something crushing her; those tears were made of relief, of freedom, of happiness. It was raw, unadulterated freedom. They came with no needles, no knives. Strangely enough, they were peaceful tears. Stupidly happy tears. Shining shards of liquid glass.

So this was what Anna had meant by ' _I'm happy_ ', Elsa recollected.

Anna kissed her, and Elsa eagerly reciprocated. This was real, she reminded herself for the millionth time. And now, what they had couldn't be more real. She had shown herself, had the courage to expose her unsightly self to someone else and for the first time in her life she had not been punished for it, she had been accepted. Her shadow, the one that she had feared, hated, rejected for years and years and years—

' _We all make mistakes, Elsa. You're learning from them.'_

And learned from, for years and years and years.

_You taught me to fear, to hide, to run, to regret. To hate myself, and never forgive._

_But you also taught me to love, to protect. You gave me eyes that could see the most important things._

_You pushed me off a cliff so that I could learn to fly._

And flying she was, right now, eyes closed and lips softly exploring the contours of her sister's face. She tasted salt, and couldn't determine whether it was from herself or Anna; it was sweet on her tongue nevertheless. Her mouth traced a shapely nose, brushed delicate eyebrows and paused lazily on a smooth forehead, letting out a small gasp when she felt teeth nip at her neck, quickly replaced by a warm tongue, and then supple lips.

"Can I see them?" Anna hummed, breathing hard.

"I don't know,  _can_  you?" Elsa edged, a smile on her lips.

Anna raised her head and rolled her eyes defiantly. "You didn't major in English; you have no right."

Elsa answered, "Okay," because there was no more reason to decline. Her hand drifted to her chest to undo the buttons of her shirt, only to be stopped.

"Can I do it?" Anna asked quietly.

"You're asking permission to undress me? How very unlike you."

"This is important," Anna said—without a shadow of her habitual playfulness, Elsa noted when she stopped and did a double take.

For Anna, Elsa reminded herself, the hardest part was just beginning. "Okay," she replied, nodding.

She laid her head back on the pillows and watched as her sister's trembling hands worked to unbutton her shirt. Her eyes flitted upward to trace the outline of Anna's brow ridge, and then lower to number each fluttering eyelash on Anna's half-closed lids. She was going to have to let Anna grow, too, she warned herself, when the habitual urge to take over arose.

"You wear so many layers," Anna murmured when all the buttons were unfastened.

Her tone was one that suggested the comment did not require an answer, but Elsa could not help but try. "It keeps me armoured for when my extremely charming sister attacks me from out of the blue."

Anna humoured her with a smile, but it did not reach her eyes. Elsa sighed inwardly and shrugged out of the sleeves so that Anna could peel the fabric off her. Then it hit her that Anna was going to be seeing her topless soon, and she could almost  _hear_  the blood rushing to her face when realization set in. "Are you sure you want to do this?" She heard herself ask, over the forceful thumping in her chest. In all honesty, the question was directed more at herself than her audience.

The hands that were slipping under the hem of her tank top halted. "Are you still okay with it?"

"I'm worried about you," Elsa clarified.

"Well,  _I'm_  worried about  _you_ ," Anna countered, with a trace of her usual cheekiness. Though this time, that cheek was pinker than usual as well.

"Get on with it, then." Elsa raised her arms to allow Anna to pull off her t-shirt and tank top together, leaving her upper body covered by only a lacey white bra. If she had known this was happening tonight, she would have (boldly) chosen something less plain…probably.

"Flip over?" Anna suggested hesitantly, shifting her legs so that Elsa had space for it.

Elsa buried her face in a pillow, her entire body racked with quivers as cold air settled on naked skin, the puckered flesh of those etched memories hypersensitive to changes in temperature. The unfamiliarity of it all, having those scars exposed to the rest of her world, made her fists clench around the covers and her teeth grit. She could hear the muffled sound of Anna sucking in her breath. The clicking of a loosened brassiere. Unfamiliar, but surprisingly not uncomfortable.

A finger made contact with one of the puckered lines on her back, and Elsa could not stop herself from flinching away from it any more than she could repress the broken cries that spilled forth, the death throes of a broken nightmare. She crushed herself further into the pillow, in hopes that it would dampen the pain in her voice—pain that she was supposed to, compelled to feel, but did not.

_Remember this feeling, Elsa._

_Let it guide you._

_Let it teach you._

Had he said that? Perhaps he had and she just couldn't register it over the shattering sound of her screams. Since the only thing that reached her was the crushing inevitability of disappointment and the bitter taste of salt in her mouth. Though it had been pain first. Pain always came first.

And not just for her.

"I did this to you." Barely a sound, just a whimper. "I did this to you."

How could she forget again? She was never the only one hurting. Elsa lifted her head abruptly, dashed the wetness from her eyes and prepared to turn back over.

"Don't. Don't you dare try and comfort me."

While she yearned to hold her suffering sister in her arms and tell her that it was okay, because scars always make everything look worse, because they were a part of her and she had learned to accept them, because those wounds were  _healed_ , really healed, Elsa remained silent. After all, fires were destructive souls, but the ruin they left behind would give birth to new life—stronger and better than the last.

And pain, like a fire, would eventually burn itself out.

A small exhale was audible, and then Elsa felt something gingerly tracing the grooves stretched across her back. Warmer than the palm of hand, softer than the pad of a finger. Another exhale, but this time hot air blew against the sensitive flesh, eliciting another shiver from one end of her spine to another.

"Thank you," Anna whispered thickly, her warm breath tickling the skin of a shoulder blade, then that of a spinal vertebra. And she continued to brush every inch of those memories, until there was nothing left.


End file.
